Pour Your Heart Out: Not a Spoiled Child

If you have never visited Pour Your Heart Out before, see THIS post for more information- but it's personal- it's what YOU think is pouring your heart out. Please grab the PYHO button or link back in your post if you are participating.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

Also, the linky is what you make of it- if you link up a Pour Your Heart Out post, please make an effort to visit some of the other linkers. And even if you don't link up, visit a link or two to find some new blogs to read! Tips to make the most of a linky.






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A couple weeks ago, my 4 year-old, Bear, was about to have Spring Preschool Picture Day. In caps because this was important to him. They would get to hold a baby bunny for these pics.


I mistakenly thought the pics were a week earlier than they actually were. So did a few other parents, so I'm convinced that somewhere, we'd seen the date posted as that day.  He had gone to school in a cute blue polo and khaki shorts, with new shoes. He was happy and ready.  But, my mama-fail prepared him for the wrong day.


Fast forward six days later: when he has a sticker on his shirt that says "I am having my picture taken on my next school day." For mamas like me who need these obvious reminders.


His teacher buckles him in and Bear turns to me with a huge grin on his face, informs me that he has pictures tomorrow and then says "I need a purple shirt for my pictures. Purple is my favorite."


To which I heaved a huge sigh.  Not that I have anything against purple on a little boy. But, he had never mentioned purple. And pics were the next day.


We got home and I showed him his blue shirt, "Look at this blue shirt! You love blue!"


And then he got that look on his face. That look I know so well. The one that says he is shutting down.


So, I resign myself to going on a purple shirt hunt after we pick up my oldest. Tweet something like "On a mission to find a purple shirt for my 4y/o who doesn't want to wear anything else for his pics tomorrow. Wish me luck." No luck at two stores I'd had hope for in the mall, no luck at Target. Tweeting out my frustration.


Purple polo shirt success finally achieved in Marshalls: beaming Bear carried the bag out of the store.


But, what I thought about...while some people replied to me on twitter about how I should make him wear the blue shirt.... and when I think about how you might be judging me right now for running around like a crazy woman just to find a shirt when he had one that was perfectly fine at home....


Are you judging? Do you think my child is spoiled?


Because I probably would think that. I have my judge-y moments, I admit.


Or, more accurately, I would have thought that. Before I had a child like my Bear.  Because if this had been my oldest insisting on a last minute color change in shirt for his pictures, I probably would have rolled my eyes, told him he had the blue one, and then turned back to my computer and ignored him. Issue over.


But, if you don't know my Bear, you don't know what he is like. He has various issues due to lead poisoning: complex issues that affect the way that he is able to process ideas and deal with emotions.


Sometimes, when things are "off," in comparison to how he would like them to be, he doesn't handle it well. Thankfully, this is usually in the small things. Like if Big Brother Monkey tries to sit in Bear's booster seat instead of his own.  Or if his socks are feeling weird and he doesn't want to wear them.  Or if he wants the pretzel goldfish instead of the cheddar ones to take to school as his snack. Or if he wants to wear a purple shirt instead of a blue one.


Little things. Things that honestly, don't upset our day. Big Brother should be in his own booster anyway. And if he gets stinky feet from not wearing socks, that's not a huge issue. Take the pretzel goldfish, they are right next to the cheddar ones. And I'll find a purple shirt.


Bear has a hard time expressing how he is feeling or if he can tell us that, he can't explain WHY feels that way.  He just wants us to get it. It's very frustrating for him and heartbreaking for us.


Bear has enough that he has to work to overcome.  So, if I can make things easier for him by going along with the small things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life, I am going to do it.


I'm aware that everyone in his life is not going to be as accomodating. And when it comes down to something important or something that I can't be flexible about, well, there's nothing I can do about those things.


He does not get his way all the time or get everything he wants. He's not spoiled.  Is it fair that I might sometimes say "yes" to a request from him that I might say "no" to if it was coming from his brothers? No, it's not.


But, it's also not fair that things can be so damn hard for him.


And he does look adorable in his purple shirt.

Can Boys and Girls Be Friends?

Several weeks ago, my Bear had a huge turning point at preschool.  Instead of hearing about what he had done wrong in preschool that day, I heard that he had good days.


He was excited to go to school.  And the credit goes not to his teacher, but to his friend Emily.(This is not her name, doesn't sound anything like her name, but was what he thought her name was for a few days, before he figured out what her real name is and is what I'll call her in this post b/c she is not my child.)


Emily and Bear adored each other.  She was very patient or maybe a little bossy, but in a good way, and helped him to stay focused at school and do what he was supposed to be doing.


They were just so cute together.  They were the ones who started the flash mob on their preschool field trip.

Again, not my child, so no pics of her on my blog, but I promise you that her smile is just as big as Bear's.

But, last week, he got in the van after school and said through tears, "I can't be Emily's friend any more."


"Why, honey?"


"I can't, I can't, no more friends with girls," said with a very emphatic head shake.


*SIGH*



But, I let it go.  Because when he gets his mind set on something or starts getting upset, it's really best not to push him.



Until, he stopped wanting to go to school.  He started getting upset about having to go and saying that he didn't have friends.


*sound of mama's heart breaking*


His teacher asked me if I knew what happened between him and Emily.  So, I decided to push a little further and see if I could get an answer from him.


"Meanboy told me that I'm not allowed to be friends with Emily because I'm not allowed to be friends with girls." *I've been around this boy enough to know that Meanboy is a good name for him.


I admit, I had a strong urge to shake Meanboy.  Really, why does this boy-girl split have to happen so young? Are preschoolers watching when Harry Met Sally? And if so, how do you explain that scene in the cafe? That Sally's food is just really good?


I went into the preschool the next day to tell Bear's teacher that Meanboy had told Bear he wasn't allowed to be friends with Emily any more.


His teacher had a sharp intake of breath and then said, "That's not true."


I paused for a second, in shock.  My Bear is far from perfect.  However, he does not lie; making up things like that is not something that he is able to do. 


But, then I realized she was talking to Bear after she told him that Meanboy shouldn't have said that and that Bear is allowed to be friends with Emily.  And she told me that Meanboy tends to tell people a lot of things that aren't true and tries to boss everyone around.


They had a talk and now Bear and Emily are back to being friends and Bear once again is excited to go to school.


And he's back to asking if he can have a sleepover with Emily. We can't win as parents, can we?


In case you are new around here, my Bear suffers from lead poisoning, which has many effects which cause him to have a difficult time in a school setting.

Pour Your Heart Out: A Glass of Helplessness

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

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I had a parent-teacher meeting at Bear's preschool last week, with both his teacher and the director of the school. I was still trying to process everything and deal with it all before I poured anything out.


My Bear(4) is my child that I worry the most about.  He has some learning issues due to some health concerns. And while the progress he has made in the past year is AMAZING, he is still well behind kids his age. If you want to read more about some of what we have gone through with him, you can click on the "Bear" label at the bottom of this post.


Last year, he had a very limited vocabulary. Most worrying was that you could talk to him and it was like he couldn't hear you. Not a hearing problem- whisper the word "chocolate" across the room from him and he would come running. But, he often wouldn't respond when you would try to talk to him. It was different than a child choosing not to listen to Mom- it was like he COULDN'T, not a choice.


And then it started to get better. Where he would respond and we rejoiced. But, often, his response didn't match up to what you were saying. He knew he was supposed to respond, but didn't know how to respond in what we think of as in a "normal" way, so he would tell you something completely different from what you were expecting.


His vocabulary has really grown in the past year.  And he is getting better with appropriate responses.


But, he still isn't where he needs to be. And this causes major frustration for him.


We had him evaluated in the spring and he falls into the range that made me groan in disappointment when I was a teacher: below average but not low enough to qualify for any sort of additional help/therapy.


Though, in gross motor skills, he tests 2-3 years above his age. We are not surprised in the least by this.


His evaluation team was shocked by the results, as they thought that they were going to be working with him. But, they had to go by the test results. One of them said that it's something that's hard to put your finger on, but when you are talking to him, something just seems "off."


He had a PHENOMENAL preschool teacher last year. Honestly, I don't think it's possible to find someone better for him. Unfortunately, we had to move and that school is now over an hour from our house. I so wanted him to have that teacher again. I thought of every scenerio where he could still go to that school- but it just wasn't possible.


So, I researched schools near us and enrolled him in the one that I thought would be best for him.  Five days a week, for 3 hours each day, with some days allowing him to stay for an extra hour for Lunch Bunch, which he loves.


Next year, when he starts kindergarten, he will be in full-day kindergarten. So, I figured we needed to get him ready and that the routine would be good for him.


But, his teacher doesn't feel like he's ready. That maybe it is too much for him. She has a bigger class than what he is used to, so he's not getting the one-on-one that he needs. And she doesn't have the time to draw out the appropriate answers from him when she asks him questions. But, again, we're thinking towards kindergarten where he will go to the school where my oldest is- and there are TWENTY-EIGHT kids in his kindergarten class. So yes, the 10 in his preschool this year is more than the 4 in his class last year, but it's nothing compared to what is coming up next year.


Last week, he got so frustrated with the classroom and not being understood(this is the teacher's reasoning behind it), that he actually bit another child.


Bit.


Hard.


This is NOT something that is in his character. He DID used to bite back when he was 2 and couldn't say more than a handful of words. But, it has not been an issue in close to 2 years now.


He's usually the child who will hug or kiss a friend and want to sit in an adult's lap.


I wanted to cry in that conference because I didn't know what to say or do to help. I still don't know.


What we are trying for the time being is to have him go to school only 3 days a week. See if maybe giving him a little bit of a break works.  And I am going to really focus on some structured activities with him when he is home those days.


I don't know if this is the right decision at all. I don't know if it would be better to keep him going five days. Or if I should try to magically find the money to pay for additional help for him. Or find him a different school. I just don't know.


But, my heart is aching for him. For my sweet child, who is struggling. For my little boy, who isn't always understood. I feel helpless.

I Don't Really Want to Give My Kids Away

I'm actually thrilled that it's Monday. Because after almost 4 weeks of my boys being out of school, two of them are at Vacation Bible School for three glorious hours every morning this week.


Three hours where they aren't asking me to entertain them. Three hours where they will be kept very busy...and bonus, they'll learn something, too.


Most importantly, they will be in different groups, so they will get time away from each other. They love each other, but when they don't get time apart, they end up wanting to kill each other.


During that time, I will just have my newly-turned 2 year-old. Who will be content to have full run of the house or whom I can easily take with me to the gym on errands.


I feel like I'll have a break this week and I'm so thankful for it.


But, I know it sounds like I want to give my kids away. It's not always the case.


After all, this is just a week of the summer. School is a different story.


My oldest starts kindergarten this fall.


Full-day kindergarten.


There is no half-day option around here.


I'm not really very emotional about it right now...it might be different when he actually goes to school, but not now.


I knew this was coming, so I was ready. He's ready, too.


But, I also had to find a preschool for Bear.


This was an absolutely agonizing process last year. He started in one preschool and it wasn't right for him, so we moved him to another...and then we freaking moved to NC unexpectedly, so I had to find him another.


But, then we found the most fantabulous preschool ever. With the most wonderful teacher. He LOVED his teacher. She LOVED him.


He would give her big hugs every day, kiss her cheek and say, "I love you, My Shell." (Miss Michelle- but his way was so cute that she never corrected him)


I was planning on sending him back there next year, right back into her classroom.


But, then our plans changed and we moved "to town."


Half an hour away from where we used to live....so now that preschool is an HOUR away from us.


I swear that I would still send him there if the time would work out. But, it doesn't. We'd have to leave here at 7:30am to get him to school...yet Monkey has to be at kindergarten back here in town at 8:15.


And so, I started searching for pre-k around here.


Btw, his teacher cried when I told her that Bear wasn't coming back next year. Yes, she loved him that much.


There weren't a whole lot of options here for pre-k.


I found one that I was happy with...until I found out that it's full day.


Full-day school for a four year-old. And full-day school that is actually cheaper than the half-day school, so hey, that's more bang for your buck, right?


But, that's just too much. He's still a little guy.


As much as I will say that it will be so nice to have some time to myself when my kids are in school- to get things done like blogging all I want cleaning the house, going to the gym,  and doing some volunteer work...well, as much as I say that I want that and as much as I probably even think it....


I don't really want to give my kids away. To send them out there all day.


With someone other than Mommy.


And so, I found Bear a half-day school instead.


I know that I will probably drop my boys off at school with a little bit of a spring in my step and a big goofy grin on my face and maybe even a sigh of relief, thinking of the break that it will give me. Especially on Mondays, when they have been together all weekend and on my each other's nerves.


Yes, I'll look forward to the break.


But, despite what I might think on those days when it seems there is too much togetherness, it's still a little bittersweet to send them off without me.


After all, I don't really want to give my kids away.

Milestones: I'm Not Mushy....

I never really cried at milestones in my life.


High school graduation? Please, get me out of there.


College graduation? I was more interested in getting one last glimpse at the boy I had a huge crush on.


My wedding? Nope, that was Hubs. Really hard, too. If you haven't read that story and want a laugh, you can find it HERE.


I've always thought of these events as more of a beginning than an end. The mark that means that something new and exciting is about to begin: I looked forward and not back.


I laugh and smile during these times, not cry.


Monkey, my oldest, had his preschool graduation last Friday.


A lot of his buddies had their preschool graduations last year or even the year before. He's been the baby of his group of friends, not that you can tell it otherwise, except for what grade the kids are in.


And the moms talked about how they cried. And, being the extra-supportive friend I am, I rolled my eyes. But, not to their faces at least.


Preschool graduation means my oldest is moving on into the world of kindergarten. Full-day kindergarten. New friends and new challenges. It's exciting.


But, then, his preschool teacher had to go and set the slide show at graduation to the song "Let Them Be Little."


Please, let them be little,

'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.


I couldn't help it. I turned into a big pile of mushy mom and cried. Because, you see, I didn't let him be little....but that's a story for Pour Your Heart Out this week.

Teacher Appreciation Gift Idea

Oh, and um, milk duds. That I kept eating and then replacing, eating and replacing....

 

PMS-Inspired Friday Fragments

I'm bloated and cranky, craving chocolate, and feeling random. So, I figured it was about time that I joined in for Friday Fragments, so that I could be random and have an excuse for it.

I couldn't find Bear's shoes when it was time to leave for preschool yesterday morning, so I sat on the steps and cried.

****

We were 10 minutes late to preschool and when we walked, the teachers drew in this big breath- I got all defensive, thinking that it was the first time that we'd been late, but it was because the teachers were noticing my boys' haircuts.

****

Note to hairdressers: if you aren't comfortable cutting a 3 year-old's hair, could you please speak up? You cut Bear's bangs too short for him to be able to keep his adorable long hair. He sports a short of Zach and Cody sort of look, but I wanted him to be able to see. Once the bangs were up there, though, we had to go for an all over shorter look or he would have looked like he had a mullet.

****

I envy you if you don't know who Zach and Cody are.

****

Bear's preschool teacher has been out sick since the beginning of December. So, Bear only had her twice. She might be coming back soon, but I'm really hoping that she stays out and rests and lets Bear continue to have the teacher that he has now because she is amazing with him and he's made such progress. I'm sure that she's great, too, but I'd rather not have him have to deal with any more change.

****

I never worry about Monkey in school because he's a smart cookie. I felt like the worst parent in the world when his teacher told me that he was rotten last week. Well, she didn't use that word, but it was implied. I'm constantly checking on Bear's progress, but just assume everything is fine with Monkey unless I'm told otherwise. Mom fail.

****

I had to drive into the town where Hubs works the other day and on the drive home, I was thinking how much the commute was awful and that I don't like doing it. And yet, by insisting that we stay in the district we're in now, Hubs will have that commute forever. Makes me feel like a bad wife.

****

But, I love that district, so we're not moving. Good thing Hubs is okay with the commute.

****

I also drove through the area that that "Live Traffic Feed" thingamabob says that I live whenever I go to one of your blogs that has that on it. It drives me nuts because it's almost a half hour from here and not where I really live. It is where my mil lives, though.

****

Then, I think it's probably a good thing because it's a little creepy if where I really live would show up, since there are crazy stalkers out there and ya never know.

****

I'm not a crazy stalker, but I act like a crazy person when I have pms. I need chocolate. And french fries. And Chinese food.

****

Best brownies ever(if you like gooey ones, not cake ones, and really who doesn't think the gooey ones are better?): Ditch the Box and Never Look Back Brownies

****

There's a chocolate festival near here this weekend. I am GOING.

****

I ♥ Pamprin. It kicks Midol's ass.

****

Wine is helpful, too.

****

Cheers!

Have you entered my giveaway yet? 500 Business Cards

Oh, and The Dance Contest is on!

Well, this is a first!!!

I'm not usually a multiple exclamation point kind of a girl, but that's how excited I am right now.

I'm encouraged, thrilled, brought to the point of happy tears about the boys' new preschool.

When I picked them up, Bear's teacher told me how happy she was to have such a sweet little boy in her class. That he listened really well, played great with the other kids, and is a happy little boy. She said he got a little antsy during circle time, but that he did much better than she would have expected for his first day.

I almost cried.

He is one of 5 kids in the class, which helps alot.

And they are very structured, too.

Perfect for what Bear needs.

He suffers from side effects from his illness earlier this year.

It has caused issues with attention span, speech, processing, and he has sensory issues as well.

We don't know how many of these issues will get better with time and how many are permanent.

It's so scary and heartbreaking.


And preschools, being private, do NOT have to make accomodations for him.

They are free to say that he is a distraction and to refuse to keep him in their classes...or to strongly suggest this to the point that you know you shouldn't continue to have your child there.

But, isn't this the type of child who really NEEDS preschool?

I can't adequately express just how thrilled I am to have found a place that will be so good for him, that recognizes him for the sweet little boy that he is, instead of just seeing the problems.

And here is where you notice that I didn't really mention Monkey's day at all, even though it was his first day, too. He did great, too. His classroom is across the hall from Bear's and he loves his new school. Blah, blah, blah, he's in the kitchen, working on one of his kajillion piece puzzles. Trust me, I'll be fighting battles for him over what he needs in school once he's in elementary school.

Out of the Box

The two big boys tried out a preschool this morning. As I was filling out all the paperwork that they insisted they must have, even though I insisted I wasn't sure if I was going to enroll the boys there, I noticed their list of do's and do not's.

It had to do with their discipline policy and had 10-12 items on the do list and about as many on the do not list.

Seemed like normal stuff, though two items stuck out to me.

We DO NOT spank, shake, bite, pinch, push, pull, slap, or otherwise physically punish the children.

I'm glad to hear that. But, that's a direct quote. It just seems like there is a less violent way to put it.

The second gem:

We DO NOT place the children in locked rooms, closets, or boxes as punishment.

Should I be worried that other schools do not specifically state that they DO NOT place my kids in boxes?

As far as the preschool itself, I DO NOT think it is where the boys will be going.

I spoke with the director at considerable length of my concerns about finding a place that is right for Bear. That he has some issues that I know are challenging and I need to know that a school can work with him before enrolling my boys. That Monkey can hold his own wherever, as long as it is a quality school, there isn't a concern about him.

But, at pick up time, what did I hear about Bear?

Direct quote here- she didn't even use his name:

"The little one would not listen. At. All. "

That's it.

Then, she proceeded to rave about Monkey's "impressive cognitive abilities. "

Not that it isn't nice to hear, but it's like she did NOT listen to me at all.

So, I DO NOT think that this is the school for them.

There's another preschool right down the street from them where Bear can start in the 2s room and transition to the 3s. There are music classes that they participate in at the arts school next door, too, which my musical Bear will love. It's also much more structured, which will help him AND Monkey will love that.

Though, maybe I should ask if they will put my boys in boxes if they are bad...

Too Young Not To Be Cute

Kids are only little for such a short period of time.

And I have three boys, no girls.

So, my window of opportunity to have my boys wear "cute" Halloween costumes is very small.

I figure it's pretty much over once they hit kindergarten.

But, for now, they must be something cute.

They have been cute dinos(yes, there is such a thing as a cute dino- see Wednesday's post), bunnies(Monkey's choice for him and Bear one year), giraffes, blue fuzzy monsters(again, there's such a thing as CUTE monsters), and then monkeys(yes, Monkey was a monkey).

But, when I took Monkey to his Halloween party yesterday at preschool, he was the only "cute" one there.

His class is made up of ALL boys. 12 4 year-old boys. (Yes, bless his teacher's heart!)

The Halloween party saw superheroes, swat team costumes(2 of them, actually), skeletons, a few characters that I don't really recognize other than knowing they are from sci-fi movies...and then one monkey.

Don't get me wrong, at 4, they are all cute in their costumes. I'm not saying the kids weren't cute.

But, the costumes were more grown up.

Things that could be worn in a few years with no weird looks(as long as they get bigger sizes, of course!)

There's only that small window for cuteness in a costume when you have all boys.

One of the moms commented on Monkey's costume, saying that she really wished her son had picked something like that, but he insisted on Darth Vadar and wouldn't pick anything else.

We never had that problem at my house: I bought a monkey costume and a lion costume in Monkey's size, brought them home, and told him that those were the costumes that he could pick from.

There's plenty of time for him to get his say in what he wants to be. Mommy wants to keep him little for a little bit longer.

And he loved being a monkey, anyway.

Preschool Nightmare

Just when I thought we had it all figured out.







All the issues with Bear like this or that.







And now we are MOVING.







Far, far away.







Even I can't justify a 12 hour drive to get my kids to their perfect-fit preschools.







So, I've been calling preschools near our new home to try to find spots for them.







Concerned about Monkey, who will start kindergarten next year.







Concerned about Bear, who needs a little extra help.







They need a freaking preschool.







All you preschool admissions/directors/teachers/gatekeepers-who-won't-let-anyone-in, let me clue you in.







The following phrases are NOT helpful:







Our registration took place in January/February. (thanks, so did the registration for the preschools my boys currently attend)







Preschools around here fill up fast. (They do up here, too. I was on top of things up here and didn't expect this crazy move)







There are 5(6, 7, 8, 9, 10+) children ahead of yours on our waiting list, would you care to add them to it? (What would be the f'in point in that?)







But, the one that really sent me over the edge, that I have heard from the TWELVE schools I have called, with some variation in the wording, but none in the meaning:







You do realize how important it is to have your child in preschool, don't you? Especially your child who will be in kindergarten next year. You don't want him to be behind.







Yes, thank you! I f'in realize that. This is why I am trying to find somewhere for them to go. Don't you understand that sometimes people have to move? That even though I was responsible and signed my kids up in January for the preschools they attend now, we have to move. And they need a preschool.







I know they can't magically find spots for my children.







I'm just frustrated, getting turned away so many times, for something that I think my kids need.







Editing to say: I have found a preschool that will take both children. It sounds fabulous. Monkey would attend 3 days a week and Bear 2. But, I have to drive them about a half hour away and it costs $310/month total. Yikes. I value education, but we are currently paying a whopping total of $110/month.







I still have a few more on my list to call. Wish me luck!

More Preschool Garbage

Bear has been successfully moved to a new preschool. I feel so much better about it.

After drop-off, the teacher turns the keys in the door and none of the kids can leave! So, he's safe.

And, with this program being academic-based instead of play-based, they move right from one activity to the next, without all the down time that was happening in his other class. So, he's able to focus better.

It was a real p.i.t.a. to have to pay yet another registration fee, but it's worth it.

If it wouldn't interfere with Cub's nap schedule, I would move Monkey there, too. Monkey's class is not crazy like Bear's was, but he is bored. He is constantly asking his teacher why the other kids don't already know this stuff(whatever the "stuff" is that they happen to be working on) and wants to know why the teacher tells them things more than once since I know how to do that, you already told us. And, he's starting to correct the other kids and get annoyed with them. Yikes.

But, if I move him, it means that 3 days a week, Cub will either not get a nap at all or just get one in the truck for about an hour or two.

Really, Monkey can do fine where he is and I know he is learning from his class. He's just not being challenged.

I feel a little bad, jumping through hoops to be sure that Bear is in the best preschool for him, and yet I let Cub's need for a nap to dictate where/when Monkey goes to preschool.

I can never find a balance of keeping things fair.

The Thing About Bear

Sooo, I've been struggling about what to do about Bear and his preschool. I've heard from his teacher and from other parents that he is a runner. He will leave the classroom and go explore down the hall or get up from the table and wonder around the classroom. They worry that he'll get hurt and that he could be a distraction for the other three year-olds.

The very first thing that anyone has to say about him is that he is a very sweet little boy. So, he's not like some of the other boys in his class who hit other kids or screams at the teacher or throws fits.

But yet, he has a hard time with doing what he should be doing.

It's a cooperative preschool, so all the parents take their turns helping, so everyone sees everyone else's kids and how they act in school.

It PISSES ME OFF that I have heard talk from other parents about how they don't think Adam should be there. I want to yell at them and say "Really? He shouldn't be there, but your brat who kicked the teacher 5 times today is okay?"

Today was my turn to volunteer in the classroom. And, while most kids would act differently when their parent is in the classroom, Bear is in his own little bubble and stuff like that does not phase him.

And what did I see? That he's a sweet little guy who offers to share toys and gives the girls hugs and kisses. That when they are doing an activity, he is fine. He will participate and do it. But, that he does not do well when one group is finished with an activity and has to wait at the table for the other group to get done. He gets up and finds a toy to play with and quietly plays with it. Or, if they are all told to go sit on the carpet and wait for the teacher to start circle time, he continues to play until she actually starts circle time.

I know that these are things that could distract the other kids who could easily wonder why they have to do what the teacher says while Bear does his own thing.

But, do I think that he is going to magically be able to learn to do these things if I pull him out of preschool? No.

And, while he is not the most vocal child in the world, he has made great strides. He's probably not going to volunteer an answer, but if you directly ask him a question and not the class at large, he will do his best to answer you.

Bear did leave the classroom 3 different times(where is the childproof doorknob cover????) and that worries me more than anything else. Of course I was paying special attention to where he was, so I retrieved him quickly, but when I'm not there, what if he manages to leave school? Supposedly, the outside door is locked where they can't get out, but I think if there is a way to get out, he would figure it out. And, he's fast.

That makes all the other issues pale in comparison.

So, what I decided to do is to contact his preschool teacher from last year and ask her if I can put Bear back in the 2 year-old class and have her evaluate how he is doing and if he should stay there or if he could handle the 3 year-old program at her school. That program is an academic-based program, so it has a shorter day with one activity after another, no real play time built in. I think he would do better there. And I'm fine with it if she suggests the 2 year-old program.

Why didn't I continue to send him there this year? Because the school where Bear and Monkey go now is in walking distance and is cheaper than that one. I had heard great things about it, so I thought I would try what was most convenient. And, for Monkey, it's great. He loves it and is doing a good job in school.

All of this stuff has given me a headache and a sick feeling in my stomach. I know, I know, it's only preschool. But, he's my Little Bear and I feel like I have to protect him.

What I Really Meant

Dear Bear's Preschool Teacher,

I realize that I told you at orientation that I wanted you to tell me if Bear is not ready for preschool. That he's a young 3, a runner, and not very focused. I told you to please tell me if you think I should pull him out, wait a few months, and then try again.

I know I said that.

But, what I really meant was that I know he's young and that it's not going to be easy for him to sit still during circle time and always be doing what he should be doing.

I don't actually want you to tell me that he shouldn't be in school. I don't want you to tell me to pull him out of school.

I want you to tell me that he's sweet. Because he is. Have you noticed his gorgeous smile? How he has the best smile?

I want you to tell me that he'll get it, that it will be okay.

I'm a terrible eavesdropper and I know that you have a little boy in your class who HIT you. When he did that, did Bear ask you if you were okay? Because I'd be willing to bet that he did. I bet he even gave you a kiss.

I know you have a little boy in your class who has wrestled everyone else in the class and whose mom thinks this is okay.

I know that there are two little girls in there who cry hysterically when their moms leave them at school and continue to cry for the first half hour of class and that one of them cries everytime you ask her to do something.

And yet, you smile and nod encouragingly to these parents.

But, I see the look in your eye when you are telling me about Bear not participating.

I know what is coming.

I talked to him after school today about what is expected of him at school.

He burst into tears, threw himself in my arms, and said "I sorry, I sorry!"

If you kick him out, I will be the one bursting into tears.

Give him time, please.

Sincerely,
Bear's Mom