School Bus VS Mom Taxi

When my oldest started kindergarten last year, I wasn't worried about how he would do in school or if he would get lost or if the day was too long for him: I knew he'd be fine.

But, one thing that did worry me was the bus. 

I had all sorts of concerns: would my child get on the right bus? Would he get off at the right stop? Would there be bullies? 

I decided I'd drive my son to school because we had to go past it on my way to drop off the preschooler. But, in the afternoons, pick-up was in the middle of my youngest's naptime.

The school is only about a half mile from our house: if the road between our neighborhood and the school weren't such a twisted back road, he'd probably be a walker.

The school pick up line was long and my youngest was a giant crab if I woke him up from his nap. So, my oldest started riding the bus home.

After about a month, he started telling me stories about mean fifth graders who tried to get him to give them his lunchbox and another child who spit on him while they were waiting to board the bus- and the teacher who waved him off when he tried to tell her. He said he didn't have any friends on the bus.

And then my youngest decided he'd give up naps. So, I began picking up my child every day. 

This year, with my crazy drop-off/pick-up schedule of having three kids in three different schools, all with various pick-up times with lots of lag time in between each, I asked my now first grader if he'd like to ride the bus home. And make my life easier as I was already a crazy mom-taxi the rest of the day.

But he was adamant that he did NOT want anything to do with the bus. I sighed, rolled my eyes, and tried to bribe him otherwise.

Until I realized that whatever, it's not a big deal, I'll keep picking him up.

So, imagine my surprise last week when he asked me if he could start riding the bus home.

I did a little dance of glee and told him of course.

Even though on the second day of him riding the bus home, the bus driver didn't see him: the school bus went roaring past my house without stopping to let my child off. I called the school, where they told me that my son wasn't there, that the bus must be dropping him off and not to panic.

The bus did drop him off, but it was after finishing the rest of the route- my son was the last one to get off the bus instead of one of the first. 

I was starting to freak out and yet, he thought it was awesome. Plus, he told me that now he has friends on the bus and he likes riding it.

But, when he got home on Friday on time this time, he informed me that he got his ice cream, so he was done riding the bus. 

Huh? 

Apparently, the buses had had some sort of competition the week before, with the winning bus getting an ice cream treat on the way home one day this week. And the bus that goes through my neighborhood had won. 

My little sneak had heard about this and decided he wanted in on the reward. Thus, his request to ride the bus home. 

But, now that the reward was given, he was over the bus and wants me to pick him up again. 

Sorry, pal... ain't gonna happen. 

Do your kids ride the bus or do you play mom-taxi? 

Traditions: Back To School Style

Some people plan out their traditions.

And sometimes you just happen to stumble into a tradition.

We're more of a stumble into tradition sort of family.

For Back-to-School, one of those traditions is to be sure to get a pic of our boys walking away to school.

Can you just imagine the progression of pics from a preschooler with a backpack that is about half his size all the way up to the high school senior, heading off out into the world..... it makes me a little weepy, just thinking about it.

Here are this year's Off They Go shots:

The First Grader

The Kindergartener

The Preschooler

What are your back-to-school traditions? 

School Dress Codes... for Parents

Have you had to deal with a dresscode for your children's schools?

With boys, it seems easy, since mine tend to live in cargo shorts with a polo or t-shirt. There's no concern about appropriate length of shorts like there is sometimes with girls.

But, there is a concern about the Parent Dress Code.

My kindergartener's school, which requires the kids to wear uniforms, also has a dress code for parents.

I'll admit that I sort of cringed at this at first.

Really? They are going to tell ME what to wear?

I do have to actually go into the school for drop-off and pick-up, so I can't get away with occasionally wearing what I had worn to bed the night before like I sometimes did last year, when I didn't need to get out of the minivan for this.

So, I already knew I'd need to make a little more effort in the mornings. But, there is an actual rule about this:

PARENTS: Please respect the school's dress codes when on campus or attending school functions. Clothing must be modest and appropriate in theme according to school standard. Shorts must come down to the top of the knee and sleeveless shirts may not be worn in the school buildings or at school functions.

I started keeping a jacket in the van so that I could toss it over my usual tank top. No shorts for me since I own exactly one pair that comes all the way down to my knees.

I noticed other parents who were wearing sleeveless tops and shorter shorts, so I thought maybe it was a rule in the handbook that wasn't really enforced, the same way that the handbook states that shoes should only be a neutral color, when the Principal actually doesn't care as long as the kids are wearing an enclosed shoe without wheels on it.

But, in the newsletter that was sent home at the end of last week, there was a reminder to parents that shorts should be an appropriate length, shirts must have a sleeve and not be extremely low cut.

Basically, your butt and boobs should be covered.

Looking at it that way, I have no problem with it.  It's a conservative school. People who send their kids there know this from the start.

And after seeing a few moms with waaaay too much booty hanging out the bottom of their shorts and boobs bursting out of their tops as they picked up their kids from my older son's school, I get the reasoning behind it.

The dress code is something that is more common sense when you are a parent visiting your child's school. Or at least, that is how I see it.

Though, when I mentioned this in passing on twitter last week, many thought it was completely bizarre.

What are your thoughts on a parent dress code?

Pour Your Heart Out: Not a Fair Mom

Welcome to Pour Your Heart Out- if you need more info on how to participate, check out THIS post. But it's personal- it's what YOU think is pouring your heart out. Please grab the PYHO button or link back in your post if you are participating.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

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I know that all I can do as a mom is to make what I think is the best decisions when it comes to each of my children.

Those decisions might look different for each of them. And they might change from year to year... or even day to day.

My boys are all so very different. Even if they tend to look so much alike that they sometimes confuse people.

So, the choices that I make(we make, Hubs included) are with each specific child in mind. We try to do what is right for each.

That doesn't always mean that things are "fair."

Not if your definition of fair means exactly the same.  Someone once commented on a post that I wrote something like "Fair does not mean the same. It means giving each child what they need."

I can't remember who wrote it or even what post it was on- but a huge thank you to whoever said this as your words have stuck with me.

We have made very different decisions for our oldest two. Our oldest headed off to kindergarten last year.  He started the year already meeting all of the objectives that students need to meet by the end of the year.  He was confident and ready to go. We didn't even consider not sending him to the local public school.

It's a good public school. Possibly the best of the 20 in our district. And he did really well there. He can't wait to see who of his friends would be in his first grade class. He loves his school and he wouldn't want to switch.

But our Bear is 5 and we agonized over school for him.  Where should he go? Which school is right? Which program is right?

One thing I knew and these words actually came out of my mouth was that I would send him to public school over my dead body.

This was not about me having anything against public schools. In fact, I once thought before I had kids that I'd never choose a private school over a public school.

This was about knowing that it was not the right decision for our Bear. Once we thought we had a school that might be a good fit for him, I met with the Principal to discuss specific concerns. She helped decide which program to enroll him in and which teacher would be the best fit for him. I also met with that teacher before school started.

We're almost a week into Kindergarten and while I can't say anything for sure at this point, I can say that the choice feels right. That he loves going to school. "Thank you for taking me to Kindergarten, Mom!" he says. And that his teacher saying goodbye to him yesterday by saying "Okay, Handsome! I love you!" made me feel really good about this choice. He needs that warm and fuzzy.

So, he's happy and our First Grader is excited about starting his school tomorrow. Neither asked a thing about why they weren't in the same school. After all, they weren't in the same school last year either.

But, is our choice "fair?"

At orientation night for the private school, I ran into the mom of one of my first grader's friends.  Her son had been in kindergarten with my oldest but she was switching him to the private school for this year. We chatted but then she noticed that I only had one of my boys with me and it was not the one she expected.

I told her that oh no, only my kindergartener would be coming here and my oldest was staying at the public school.

Eyes that went WAY wide and then narrowed, a head tilt, a grimace, lips that parted as if about to speak and then a mouth that slammed shut: that was her reaction. I knew she wanted to ask why. But, I just smiled and excused myself as the line I was in moved forward.

Then, yesterday afternoon, we were at First Grade Open House. Oldest was introducing his brothers to his TA(who was his TA last year and very well knows who they are) and he pointed and said "He's in Kindergarten. But NOT here with me!" Cue same reaction as above.

Then his teacher was asking about my other boys, what grades, etc. When I said Kindergarten, she asked who his teacher is. I had to say oh no, he goes to insert name of private school here. 

Met with the very same reaction.

I know it's a choice that not everyone will understand. I know that it could be seen as not being fair.

But, I don't owe an explanation to others about the choices that I make in the best interest of each of my children.

And as for fair, I'm going to focus on that meaning that each child is getting what he needs.



Link up your Pour Your Heart Out post and then visit at least the linker before and after you.

What Paying It Forward Means to a Kindergartener and How I'm Going to Look Like a Bad Mom

Oh yes, I'm going to do it.

Something I never thought I would do back when I was a teacher and not a parent.

I'm going to call total B.S. on a homework assignment brought home by my kindergartener.

Friday afternoon, Monkey brings home a letter from the kindergarten team explaining how his school is a "service learning school" and how each kindergartener now has an end-of-the year service/pay it forward project to complete, along with a "booklet, poster board(flat or tri-fold), model, photo album, scrapbook, or mobile" to share their project with the school. Due in one week.

Now, I think the idea of teaching children that they need to help others is fantastic.  But, the display??? Is not homework for the kindergartener: it's parent homework. And Mrs. Kindergartener Teacher, I have enough to do.


Not to mention that there was very limited time given to complete this project and display, when it's obvious that this is something done each year.  Why not send this assignment home with a month to do it instead of a week?

The actual intent behind this assignment? Is fabulous. But, the time frame given to get it done and the display requirements? Notsomuch.

There was a list of suggested projects to get us started.

Donate clothes/toys/books/cell phones to a nonprofit organization: oooookay. We do this several times a year. But, too bad we just did this last week: we cleaned out and donated to my middle son's preschool for their yard sale. Sure, we can scrape up a few more things to give away, but we really cleared out for this sale. And of course, I didn't take pics for a display since I had no clue that this project was coming.

Donate time to a soup kitchen, volunteer at the USO, or participate with Habitat for Humanity: all good ideas, but again, giving us a week's notice makes this all a little hard to do.

Locks of love: a very worthy organization. But, my boys don't have hair long enough to do this. And while I do, they don't take my bleached hair. Yes, I bleach my naturally blonde hair just for fun. *cough, cough*

Since I know that they have been talking about this at school, I thought I'd ask Monkey if he had any ideas about how he could help someone.

"If someone falls, I could help them up."

Okay, that's very true. But, I explained that we have to do something planned. And we can't KNOW that someone will fall down.  Monkey found a loophole.

"Well, I could tell someone to shove them down and then I could help them up and we could take a picture of me helping."

So, obviously, he's been missing the lessons I thought I'd been teaching on helping others. So, we need to figure out something to do to help others.

And we will.

But, will I be creating a trifold display to show it off? No.

The "Oh Crap, I Forgot" Teacher Appreciation Gift

YIKES!

I'm usually so prepared for Teacher Appreciation Week.  I know how much that meant to me back when I was a teacher. Because I love gifts. Even the smallest gesture meant a lot.


But, with Easter being so late and us being out of town, I got totally thrown off schedule.

This week is Teacher Appreciation Week, with TODAY being Teacher Appreciation Day.

Did you forget, too?

If you need an easy gift, I'll give you a few ideas.

Send the teacher a note or email, saying that you would like to bring her lunch on Friday: give her two or three different suggestions as to where you could bring lunch from and ask if she has any requests.  This works because it's a sweet gesture, but you have a few days to actually do it!  And really, bringing in a lunch that the teacher didn't have to make or buy from the cafeteria really is a gift!


Gift Cards!  The real beauty of these is that you can most likely send one to your child's teacher's email! Like you had it planned all along, but wanted her to get it on Teacher Appreciation Day. But, no need to even go to the store to buy one!


A thank you note goes a long way: your child's teacher spent a LOT of hours with your child this past year.  Whether they were your favorite or not, they still put a lot of time into helping your child.


Creatively disguise some candy from your child's Easter basket as a sweet treat for the teacher. Okay, maybe not: there are nasty kid germs on all my boys' candy. And if I gave it away, I couldn't eat it.


Lunch, a gift card, a thank you note: those are my suggestions for those of you who, like me, let Teacher Appreciation Day sneak up on you!

What are you doing for your child's teachers this year?

See the Movie Baskets I made for Teacher Appreciation Day last year, when I wasn't a slacker.

Public VS Private School: A Decision I Never Thought I'd Make

Before my boys were born, I was a public school teacher.  A big believer that the biggest difference in a child's school experience comes from the parents: if  child has an involved parent and the family values education, then you can have a positive experience at almost any school.


I still do believe that. 


But, it's not as simple as that.


My Bear will be old enough to go to kindergarten in the fall.  We had gone back and forth over the decision to send him or wait a year, since he will still be a young 5.


At this point, we think we're going to send him.  His teacher always says how smart he is- it's not a matter of academic-readiness, it's a matter of emotional and behavioral.  While some of these concerns are probably normal for any boy his age, our biggest concerns are the complications he has from lead poisoning.


Will he be okay in a public school classroom?


One that might very well be over-crowded, like my oldest's was at the beginning of this year- he started the year with almost 30 kindergarteners in his class.  That lasted about a month or so, until they added another kindergarten teacher.  But, a month is a long time and the first month of school is such a crucial one for a child's adjustment to school.


Will they be able to give him the special assistance that he needs? While there is a special education program at the school, how quickly he would be serviced and if it would be enough have me concerned.


Sometimes a mama has to go with her gut and my gut is telling me that my Bear would drown in the public kindergarten.


So, we are looking at the Christian school, where he would be in a small class.  We're also looking at the Montessori school, with its child-centered approach.


I've realized that just like the rest of the choices that we've had to make for our children, it's not really about a generalization like "Public schools are the way to go!" but about what each individual child needs.


Do you send your children to public or private school? How did you make that choice?

Where I Almost Tumbled Off My Soapbox

Occasionally, I get up on my educational soapbox.  Before I had my oldest son, I was a teacher for 5.5 years. I taught 6th grade Language Arts/Social Studies, K-6 Instructional Support, 8th grade Science/Social Studies, 3rd grade, and then finally 5th grade. I once wrote a list of suggestions for how to deal with your child's teacher.


But, I was oh-so-very-close to breaking some of those rules. Because I wasn't sure what to make of Monkey's kindergarten teacher.


I had sent in two notes to her...that went unanswered. And I started to get self-righteous. There's evidence on twitter- I'm totally guilty. Because I said, "Well, when I was a teacher, I always responded to every note the day it was sent in. And if it was something that required a lengthy response, I sent home a note requesting a conference or would call that parent."


And both of those notes really only required a yes or no answer. What the heck????


Then there were two homework assignments that he DID and DID get sent to school in his homework folder that she didn't check off on his homework calendar, that she circled in red, like he didn't do them. Trust me, he did them and they were turned in. What the heck?????


Plus, I wasn't seeing ANY papers being sent home. Nothing. And I saw a friend's son's stack of kindergarten papers- GIGANTIC. My son goes to school full-day and hers only half-day. So, where were the papers?


Then, Monkey tells me that his teacher yells all the time. Now, this one, I was very, very hesitant to believe. Because I used to be accused of this- but often, when kids say "yell," they really mean that they got in trouble for something or another child did and the teacher was correcting them. Not "yell" as in "volume," but as in "scold."


BUT! A friend of mine used to work with Monkey's kindergarten teacher and she told me that she always heard this teacher screaming. This is totally breaking my guidelines for dealing with your child's teacher- to gossip about them, ask others what they think, and generally get yourself riled up by talking to others about what is going on instead of going right to the teacher.


And then there was the recess issue. My son kept telling me that he had to walk laps that day. There is a law now that kids have to have 30 minutes of physical activity every day, so taking recess away just isn't an option- so in its place, a lot of teachers around here have gone to "walking laps" which means that instead of playing whatever game the teacher/TA has planned for the kids that day, they walk laps around the playground.


I don't doubt that my son has done things that require correction. And I really don't think that I need to hear every. single. thing. that he does wrong. Major, yes, but not minor. But, if he does something bad enough to have to walk laps, I think I should know about it.


Then, I emailed her with a question. And it went unanswered. I did use the school's system to do this since I didn't have her email on hand...so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. And emailed her directly that afternoon when I had my son's folder in front of me, with her address. That one did get returned.


All of this left me with not the best impression of her.


Hubs had his haircut by a woman whose oldest son had her as a teacher last year and she requested that her youngest have her this year. I thought REALLY? I was thinking that I would be requesting that my other boys NOT have her.


So, last Thursday, I had a conference scheduled with her. She wants one conference with each family every grading period, more if you/she feel it necessary. So, this was our turn.


I went in, completely unsure of what she was going to say and what I would say in return.


Because part of me wanted to go in all mother-bear and ticked off. But, I remember from my teaching days how the best conferences where- and that was when the parent came in with an open-mind, ready to listen, and not jumping to crazy conclusions.


As we talked, I found out that it's best to email her. That part of EVERY child's 30 minutes of structured recess is walking laps(not a punishment), that she had his work all there for me in his portfolio and sent some home, and that she adores my son.


She spoke really highly of him and said that she just loves his personality and the very unique way that he thinks(complete with stories that I won't bore you with). He's either where he needs to be on his kindergarten objectives or ahead- some he's already mastered the end-of-year objective.


As she talked, I could really tell that she loves what she does. And that she loves her students, my son included.


She even answered some questions that I had about pre-K and she helped me out with some concerns I have with Bear, too. She said that her students' families are her families and if something is affecting any member of one of her students' families, then she wants to do whatever she can to help.


I am so very HAPPY to have been WRONG. And glad that I went in with an open-mind and not with a big mouth....because I would have just been putting my foot right in it.


And maybe, instead of requesting that my other children have any teacher but her, I will be requesting that they all do.

Pour Your Heart Out: A Glass of Helplessness

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

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I had a parent-teacher meeting at Bear's preschool last week, with both his teacher and the director of the school. I was still trying to process everything and deal with it all before I poured anything out.


My Bear(4) is my child that I worry the most about.  He has some learning issues due to some health concerns. And while the progress he has made in the past year is AMAZING, he is still well behind kids his age. If you want to read more about some of what we have gone through with him, you can click on the "Bear" label at the bottom of this post.


Last year, he had a very limited vocabulary. Most worrying was that you could talk to him and it was like he couldn't hear you. Not a hearing problem- whisper the word "chocolate" across the room from him and he would come running. But, he often wouldn't respond when you would try to talk to him. It was different than a child choosing not to listen to Mom- it was like he COULDN'T, not a choice.


And then it started to get better. Where he would respond and we rejoiced. But, often, his response didn't match up to what you were saying. He knew he was supposed to respond, but didn't know how to respond in what we think of as in a "normal" way, so he would tell you something completely different from what you were expecting.


His vocabulary has really grown in the past year.  And he is getting better with appropriate responses.


But, he still isn't where he needs to be. And this causes major frustration for him.


We had him evaluated in the spring and he falls into the range that made me groan in disappointment when I was a teacher: below average but not low enough to qualify for any sort of additional help/therapy.


Though, in gross motor skills, he tests 2-3 years above his age. We are not surprised in the least by this.


His evaluation team was shocked by the results, as they thought that they were going to be working with him. But, they had to go by the test results. One of them said that it's something that's hard to put your finger on, but when you are talking to him, something just seems "off."


He had a PHENOMENAL preschool teacher last year. Honestly, I don't think it's possible to find someone better for him. Unfortunately, we had to move and that school is now over an hour from our house. I so wanted him to have that teacher again. I thought of every scenerio where he could still go to that school- but it just wasn't possible.


So, I researched schools near us and enrolled him in the one that I thought would be best for him.  Five days a week, for 3 hours each day, with some days allowing him to stay for an extra hour for Lunch Bunch, which he loves.


Next year, when he starts kindergarten, he will be in full-day kindergarten. So, I figured we needed to get him ready and that the routine would be good for him.


But, his teacher doesn't feel like he's ready. That maybe it is too much for him. She has a bigger class than what he is used to, so he's not getting the one-on-one that he needs. And she doesn't have the time to draw out the appropriate answers from him when she asks him questions. But, again, we're thinking towards kindergarten where he will go to the school where my oldest is- and there are TWENTY-EIGHT kids in his kindergarten class. So yes, the 10 in his preschool this year is more than the 4 in his class last year, but it's nothing compared to what is coming up next year.


Last week, he got so frustrated with the classroom and not being understood(this is the teacher's reasoning behind it), that he actually bit another child.


Bit.


Hard.


This is NOT something that is in his character. He DID used to bite back when he was 2 and couldn't say more than a handful of words. But, it has not been an issue in close to 2 years now.


He's usually the child who will hug or kiss a friend and want to sit in an adult's lap.


I wanted to cry in that conference because I didn't know what to say or do to help. I still don't know.


What we are trying for the time being is to have him go to school only 3 days a week. See if maybe giving him a little bit of a break works.  And I am going to really focus on some structured activities with him when he is home those days.


I don't know if this is the right decision at all. I don't know if it would be better to keep him going five days. Or if I should try to magically find the money to pay for additional help for him. Or find him a different school. I just don't know.


But, my heart is aching for him. For my sweet child, who is struggling. For my little boy, who isn't always understood. I feel helpless.

Meet the Teacher: From A Teacher's Perspective

Today is a big day around here. From 10-12 this morning, I have to attend an informational meeting for parents of kindergarteners.


Yes, TWO HOURS. In the morning. Without any kids. I could go on a rant about how ridiculous I think that is since there are so many working parents or parents who can't get a babysitter, but that's not the point of my post.


In the afternoon, I get to go back to the school with my oldest, so that he can meet his teacher and get his supplies arranged in his desk.

Even though I vowed not to ever be that parent back when I was a teacher pre-kids,  I still find myself thinking of questions and concerns that I have.


So, I thought this would be a good time to remind myself of the do's and don'ts/things I wished the parents of my students had done on meet-the-teacher day from the teacher's point of view.  Before I go embarrass myself and become that parent.


*Don't ask the teacher how old she is. This might just be a sensitive issue for me because I had my first meet-the-teacher night as a teacher about a week after I turned 22 and looked 15. But, really, it's not any of your business.


*You can ask how long the teacher has been teaching that grade/subject. But, keep in mind that years of experience does not necessarily have anything to do with how effective that teacher will be.  Experience can be a great thing, but can sometimes mean a complacent, mediocre teacher. A newer teacher might be clueless or could have more enthusiasm and be open to trying new things. 


*Do not tell the teacher that your child is brilliant or smarter than all the other kids. Eyes will be rolling. Let the teacher actually spend time with your child first. Every parent thinks their child is special. Teachers get that. And sometimes, the child in question is actually gifted- and if they have been identified as such, it's okay to make sure the teacher is aware of an existing IEP.


*While you can share concerns you might have about your child, sometimes a wait-and-see approach is better. A behavior you see at home or that showed up a previous year might not be an issue in the classroom.  If it's something that could harm your child or others, bring that up, but you don't have to confess all your child's quirks at that first meeting.


*Do let the teacher know if your child has an IEP. This seems to be more of a concern if you are changing schools than just moving up a grade in the same school because sometimes files are late being sent or the IEP can get separated from the rest of the file.


*Keep in mind that this is the time for the teacher to meet all the parents and students who show up- not a time for an in-depth conference with you.


*And btw, those other parents can hear what you are saying, so don't put all your business out there for everyone to hear. If you have something private to discuss, schedule a time when it can actually be privately discussed.


*Do not bring up gossip you have heard about the teacher. "So-and-so's mom said that you....blah, blah, blah." Give the teacher the benefit of the doubt at first, okay? Or, let's say that so-and-so's mom told you that the teacher only lets the students have one bathroom break a day. Instead of putting it like that, if you really are concerned, just ask how many bathroom breaks the students are allowed a day. Don't make it seem like you have been gossiping about the teacher with other parents.


*Unless you are seeing the classroom the night before the first day of school, cut the teacher some slack for the appearance of her classroom. She might not have it all together yet. She's probably been in staff meetings and workshops. I wanted to put an "under construction" sign on my door one year...though I settled for allowing my assistant to shove all my boxes into the closet and pray no one was nosey enough to open the closet.


*Do not open the teacher's closet or go behind her desk or open her desk drawers. Yes, some parents do these things.


*Don't be annoyed at the school supply list. I know that there are often things parents don't understand about it, but there's a good reason for the things on the list.  And sadly, things like kleenx are often not supplied by the school. Teachers can't be expected to pay for every little thing for their classrooms- and they don't have any answers for where your tax dollars are going, either. They probably want to know, too.


*Your child's teacher will probably have a list of "wants" somewhere in the classroom- if you can, please bring in some of these items. Prizes for the goody box, pencils, and dry erase markers were items that I couldn't have enough of.


*If you are able to volunteer at all, let the teacher know. Whether it's for parties, special events, field trips, tutoring, on a regular basis or occasionally, let the teacher know. One year, I had a parent who came in every Tuesday afternoon for two hours and would do whatever I needed her to do- from making copies to putting up a new bulletin board to working one-on-one with students. That was awesome and I plan on doing that in my son's kindergarten class.


*If you can't go into the classroom to help, ask the teacher if there is anything that can be sent home for you to do. Particularly in the younger grades, there is a lot of tracing and cutting that needs to be done. You could do that once a week or once a month as you watch tv in the evening.


*Keep in mind that the teacher will be sharing more info with you as the school year starts. You don't have to leave that first meeting with her knowing every single classroom procedure and every single thing that she plans to teach your children that year.


*If, for some reason, you do not like the teacher, wait until you are away from her classroom and away from your child to vent about it. I'll never forget the mother who stopped right outside my classroom door with her son and said, "Shit, another young, blond, pregnant teacher for my son. Two years in a row, we got screwed."  Not the best impression on the teacher and if you don't show respect for the teacher in front of your child, you're setting a bad example for your child.


*If all else fails, presents always work. (Um, just kidding......sort of)


Oh, and yes, I know I used feminine pronouns throughout this post and there are male teachers- just generalizing here and avoiding the awkward use of he/she and his/her. ;)


We'll see if I can remember back to my teaching days today, though, when I'm the other side of the desk and it's my own child that this concerns.


If you want my advice for how to deal with your child's teacher later in the school year, you can check that out HERE.

Love the vocab challenges at Word Up, Yo! This week's word was "mediocre." I thought this would be a good week to play along since one of the hosts is Natalie  from Mommy of a Monster, who is this week's BFF. If you missed her guest post this week, you can check out the link in my sidebar.

A Solution to the Problem of Bullying

I know, I know, I know. I said that I wasn't going to post as many "real" posts this week because this is an unusual week, with all the back-to-school giveaways going on. You should check them out, btw! Links are in the sidebar. But, this is a post that has to do with school and one that I've had in my drafts for months. I think it applies now and I'd love to hear some feedback on this issue.


Bullying.


Something should be done about bullying.


Schools need to do more about bullying.


We hear this all the time and I think that everyone agrees that it's a problem. One that's only getting worse because of the internet. Used to be that you could escape from it at home, as long as you didn't answer your phone.


Now, there's facebook, myspace, twitter, even youtube bullying.  Cellphones with text bullyings.


And we all cry out why isn't more being done to stop it?


But, can you tell me what can be done? Other than the parents of the bullies putting a stop to it.


Let me explain to you a little from a teacher's perspective. I taught both elementary and middle school- and have to say that middle school girls are the worst.


The things that I tried as a teacher, when bullying was going on(we're talking more verbal, not physical here- physical is actually easier to prove and to deal with than verbal, in my experience):


*Separate the kids concerned- in the classroom and lunchroom and even when we line up to go somewhere. But, the bullies still find opportunities to bully. Note: please don't blast your child's teacher if your child is being bullied in a class like art- go talk to the art teacher about it.


*Send the bully to the counselor and/or principal. Often, the bully either says what he/she knows the counselor wants to hear or claims that nothing is going on. And then they come back to class pissed off.


*Suspend them? Well, that's an issue for the administration to decide on and they often don't because it's a lot of he said, she said. And, you often have parents who will protest this, saying it's not fair to suspend their kids when they "didn't do anything."


*Conference with the parents? It's amazing how many of these kids' parents say "kids will be kids and they need to work it out by themselves." Often bullies have parents who are bullies.


There are anti-bullying education programs out there and a lot of schools are starting them now, beginning in kindergarten- which is when it needs to start.


Teachers fostering an environment embracing diversity can help, too.


But, a lot comes down to the parents:

How do your kids treat other kids?

How are they being treated?

Be involved and get to know your child's friends- if they are in with kids who bully, chances are they will either bully, too, or the group could turn on them and bully them(this is another lose-lose, but at least you can be aware)

Look for the difference between them not being friends with another child and bullying(whether they are the bully or the target)

Do not tolerate bullying at home- start young.

If your kids are older, make sure you are monitoring whatever social media they are on- I know some people will call this an invasion of privacy, while others call it parenting.


I wish that this post that gave an easy solution to the problem of bullying. I don't have one. It's what I struggled with the most when I was a teacher: trying to find a way to stop it.


What do you expect to be done about bullying? Please, if you have any ideas, share them!

I Don't Really Want to Give My Kids Away

I'm actually thrilled that it's Monday. Because after almost 4 weeks of my boys being out of school, two of them are at Vacation Bible School for three glorious hours every morning this week.


Three hours where they aren't asking me to entertain them. Three hours where they will be kept very busy...and bonus, they'll learn something, too.


Most importantly, they will be in different groups, so they will get time away from each other. They love each other, but when they don't get time apart, they end up wanting to kill each other.


During that time, I will just have my newly-turned 2 year-old. Who will be content to have full run of the house or whom I can easily take with me to the gym on errands.


I feel like I'll have a break this week and I'm so thankful for it.


But, I know it sounds like I want to give my kids away. It's not always the case.


After all, this is just a week of the summer. School is a different story.


My oldest starts kindergarten this fall.


Full-day kindergarten.


There is no half-day option around here.


I'm not really very emotional about it right now...it might be different when he actually goes to school, but not now.


I knew this was coming, so I was ready. He's ready, too.


But, I also had to find a preschool for Bear.


This was an absolutely agonizing process last year. He started in one preschool and it wasn't right for him, so we moved him to another...and then we freaking moved to NC unexpectedly, so I had to find him another.


But, then we found the most fantabulous preschool ever. With the most wonderful teacher. He LOVED his teacher. She LOVED him.


He would give her big hugs every day, kiss her cheek and say, "I love you, My Shell." (Miss Michelle- but his way was so cute that she never corrected him)


I was planning on sending him back there next year, right back into her classroom.


But, then our plans changed and we moved "to town."


Half an hour away from where we used to live....so now that preschool is an HOUR away from us.


I swear that I would still send him there if the time would work out. But, it doesn't. We'd have to leave here at 7:30am to get him to school...yet Monkey has to be at kindergarten back here in town at 8:15.


And so, I started searching for pre-k around here.


Btw, his teacher cried when I told her that Bear wasn't coming back next year. Yes, she loved him that much.


There weren't a whole lot of options here for pre-k.


I found one that I was happy with...until I found out that it's full day.


Full-day school for a four year-old. And full-day school that is actually cheaper than the half-day school, so hey, that's more bang for your buck, right?


But, that's just too much. He's still a little guy.


As much as I will say that it will be so nice to have some time to myself when my kids are in school- to get things done like blogging all I want cleaning the house, going to the gym,  and doing some volunteer work...well, as much as I say that I want that and as much as I probably even think it....


I don't really want to give my kids away. To send them out there all day.


With someone other than Mommy.


And so, I found Bear a half-day school instead.


I know that I will probably drop my boys off at school with a little bit of a spring in my step and a big goofy grin on my face and maybe even a sigh of relief, thinking of the break that it will give me. Especially on Mondays, when they have been together all weekend and on my each other's nerves.


Yes, I'll look forward to the break.


But, despite what I might think on those days when it seems there is too much togetherness, it's still a little bittersweet to send them off without me.


After all, I don't really want to give my kids away.

Teacher Appreciation Gift Idea

Oh, and um, milk duds. That I kept eating and then replacing, eating and replacing....

 

How to Deal With Your Kid's Teacher

This is such a touchy topic for me.

Lately, as I've been reading the school section of my local moms' message board, I sit at my computer clenching and unclenching my fists, pursing my lips, narrowing my eyes, and basically turning purple, trying to not respond to some of these parents' complaints about their kids' teachers.

Now, I know it's different when it's your child, and it's certainly different when it's my child.


But, I've been hearing a lot of smack talk about teachers lately and as a former teacher, I'd like to say a few things in response.

And, hey, Dumb Mom gave me the perfect excuse to unload all this through her You'll Thank Me Later Thursday: advice you might not like right now, but will someday see the wisdom of.

So, here goes: How best to approach your child's teacher when you have an issue with what is going on in the classroom.

I do want to say that I realize that there are some sucky, mean, nasty teachers who should find a different profession, but I do think that these are far fewer in number than parents seem to think there are. But, here, we're just talking about your run-of-the-mill, first-offense type of teacher. Not big, huge issues, but we're talking the small stuff here.

Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, I'm not talking about MAJOR issues: like your child says that a teacher touched him/her inappropriately whether in an abusive/sexual manner. Or if you have had repeated problems with the teacher. Or if they write "you are an idiot!" on your child's papers. By all means, go in, guns blazing, with your posse, pull your child out of the class, etc.

This advice is meant for first time and/or minor "offenses."

First of all, if you have an issue with the teacher, CHECK YOUR FACTS.

I had a mom come in once, screaming at me that it was totally unfair of me to assign a 5 paragraph essay to her daughter to do in one night, especially since she had a math test in another class on the same day.

Flabbergasted, I turned to her daughter, who was pretty much cowering in the corner and asked her if she could please tell her mother how long we'd been working on that assignment(for a MONTH- IN class, and the only kids who had it for homework were those who had not yet managed to complete their final drafts in class). Not wanting to get in trouble, daughter had told mom that I had assigned it yesterday.

Way to look like a crazy mom. By all means, question the assignment, but do it in a calm manner.

In fact, STAY CALM! is pretty much the most important rule here.

I know you're upset about whatever is going on, but it's never a good idea to come in yelling and screaming. You might end up not being allowed into that teacher's classroom again without an escort from the principal's office(crazy mom of one of my former students, who actually slapped a TA, she was so pissed off).

If you think that the teacher picks on your child, do not go in and accuse the teacher of this.

Go in and ask about the specific incidents that your child is talking about. What did your child do to get silent lunch or their recess taken away or whatever punishment they got. And then ask what the teacher thinks can be done so that that behavior doesn't continue to occur. And ask to be informed whenever it happens, stating that it's easier for you to do something about behavior if you know about it sooner, rather than only being informed after something has happened for the tenth time.

Instead of complaining about punishments that your child receives, make your own suggestions as to a solution.

Much as I HATED them, I did have to use silent lunch(blech- I usually switched this up and had it be child had to sit near me at lunch instead- they need to get talking out somehow!) and take away some recess time. WHY? Because there's not a whole lot left that teachers can do.

There are various behavior charts/systems that can be used and positive reinforcement, but outside of that, there's not a whole lot left.

So, instead of complaining about how much you hate silent lunch(or whatever the punishment is): can you think of a better one? And let the teacher know?

Not everything is the teacher's fault. This one is in specific reference to a mom who has been complaining that her child's new teacher is horrible and her child has never had problems before, blah, blah. Really? It must be the teacher and couldn't possibly be that the child just had to move cross-country, leave all his friends, and his daddy just got deployed for a year, could it? No, those things couldn't possibly be affecting the child and making him act up in school. Must be an awful teacher.

If you are upset about what you perceive to be a grading error, just ask. You don't have to come in waving the paper in question in the teacher's face. Teachers make mistakes and will feel really bad about it and fix it. This is why, whenever I would be doing grades for report cards, if a student was super close to making the next grade, I usually just gave it to them, knowing I could have messed up somewhere along the line.

At the first conference, DO NOT bring in others. If you've never met with the teacher before, insisting that the principal, guidance counselor, education advocate, etc., be there with you. This is going to put the teacher on the defensive and might not even prove necessary. Give the teacher a chance first.

If you were at work, and someone had a question about something you did, wouldn't you rather that they came to you about it first, instead of bringing your boss in right away?

If you do not like the way that the conference goes, THEN bring in the principal or whoever else you feel needs to be there.

In fact, always make sure you talk to the teacher about something first.

Asking your neighbors, parents of other students, the people in your moms group, etc., will probably do nothing but fire you up(since they'll probably side with you, even if they don't really agree with you) and then you break the most important rule of BE CALM.

Do not "threaten" and say that you are going to have your child moved to another classroom or that you are going to homeschool.

If the teacher is anything like me, she will politely say, "You are welcome to explore your options and if that is what you choose, you can pursue that."

When what she will be thinking is "Let so-and-so across the hall deal with your madness. And if you homeschool, good luck, since you're obviously an idiot." And she'll laugh.

Those are real options for you, but really, don't ever think it's a threat.

I could go on and on with these. But, I'll leave you with one last suggestion:

if you are hearing things about a teacher that you do not like about the way the classroom is run, ask if you can come in and observe. Do not say that it's because you want to take notes on what the teacher is doing. Say that it is because you'd like to be able to see how the class runs so that you can better help your child to be able to learn in that environment. That you'll be able to help reinforce rules and procedures if you see them in action. Yes, that teacher might then be on "best behavior" when you are there. But, if you watch the kids, you'll be able to see whether or not the teacher is being herself or totally different.

And, if you volunteer to help in your child's class every once in awhile, you'll really get to know what goes on.

That's my advice. You can thank me later.