I am a Monster Mommy

We all have mom fails, don't we?


Things we do wrong as moms.


I've turned my back at the wrong moment and had my kids gorrilla glue our couch, cut each other's hair...and cut their hair again a week later.


I've completely lost my temper with my boys.


I'm definitely not mom of the year.


So, when Natalie from Mommy of a Monster asked me to write a Monster Mommy moment for her weekly feature, I thought this will be easy.


I can write a funny post about all the times I've messed up as a mom.  Because we all mess up.


And then....


Something happened last week that was a true Monster Mommy Moment.


Something that brought me to my knees.


And that is what I'm sharing over there today: my worst mom fail moment.


Please go read it and know that I KNOW it was horrible. I've already beat myself up for it. Am still beating myself up for it.


I am a Monster Mommy.



Comments are off. Please go visit my post at Mommy of a Monster.

Once Is a Funny Story, Twice is a Mom Fail

I can't believe it happened.


No, let me rephrase that: I can't believe it happened AGAIN. 


Once and it's just something that a lot of kids do.


But, when it's twice in one week...well, you start to feel like a bad mom.


Last Monday, I showed you the pics of what happened when my boys cut each other's hair.  All their long, beautiful hair gone.


And so many of you  shared stories of your kids doing the same thing or even you doing that when you were a kid.


No judgement, just laughter.


But, what if I tell you that for the second Friday in a row, my Bear got out the scissors and pretended to be a barber?


Good God, woman, don't you ever watch your kids?


Didn't you learn to put the scissors away?


Your kids are going to get really hurt soon.


What are you doing when your kids do these things?


At least, that is what I hear in my head. Trust me, I've said that and worse to myself.


And tried to defend myself but my responses sound weak even to my own ears.


He was in the kitchen, having a snack.


I did put all the scissors away. Except for the kitchen shears, which were dirty and in the sink. Didn't realize he'd climb up on the counter and find them in there and use them to cut his hair.


He was out of my sight for less than five minutes.


What was I doing? Well, yes, I was on the computer.  I do work.


Do I think that my children could somehow get hurt if I don't keep them in my sight at all times? Yes. Though, they could still get hurt even if I can see everything they are doing...


I felt like a horrible mom.


And still feel guilty that it happened again. Like once is funny, twice is a total Mom Fail.



Let me remind you what my Bear looked like before any of the haircuts:

After haircut #1 last week:

This week's haircut:

If he does it again, he'll be bald.

They recognized us and called my kids by name at the salon. After all, it was less than a week since we'd been there.

Total mom fail.

But, here's the thing: anyone who would judge and say that I'm a horrible mom for this...well, no one is as hard on me as I am. So, trust me, I've already thought what you may be thinking and worse.

*****

Btw, Natalie at Mommy of a Monster does a Mom Fail Monday you might want to check out if you've ever felt like I do.

Also, I saw this posted tweeted out yesterday by Lynn and thought it was a good philosophy to adopt: In Which I'm Not Even Worried About It.

Well Then, I'm a Bad Parent, Too

Have you seen this video of a boy "chugging" beer at a Phillies game?


Hopefully the video will still be there when I post this- there's some sort of fuss about the footage belonging to the Phillies and not being allowed on youtube. Though, if you search youtube, you'll find all sorts of footage of Phillies games and yet THAT is not being pulled off of there. Hmmm.


Here's a still image from the video:

He looks like he's about my Bear's age, maybe a little younger. So, around four.

What really got my attention about this are the comments that I heard about it.

This boy will grow up to be an alcoholic because his parents are letting him drink at such a young age.

It was the parent's responsibility to watch their son.


That's child abuse.


Why aren't the authorities looking into this?


These parents should be arrested.


Okay, REALLY??????


Now, I could be totally wrong on this, but it looks to me like that bottle is empty. After all, beer costs a lot at ball games, so you don't set it down unless it's empty.


But, if it's not empty...I highly doubt that the parents knew what he was doing.


You don't hand your kid a beer in public. You wait and do that stuff at home.


Okay, okay, I kid, I kid. It's hard for me to take this seriously, so my sarcastic side is out in full force right now.


All the negative comments? Be realistic.


Either the bottle is empty or the child snuck a sip when his parents weren't looking...and probably spit it right back into the bottle- because really- YUCK.


The comments about the parents should have seen it and it never should have happened...oh, really? And you see every single thing that your kid does?


Everything? Don't limit this to beer-swigging. Anything that they shouldn't be doing. You see it all?


I remember my middle son grabbed my brother's fil's beer at Thanksgiving back when he was 2. He then yelled "YUCK" and turned the bottle upside down to pour all of it out right on my brother's fil's mom's living room floor.


Does that make me a bad mom? Because I was busy nursing my baby in another part of the room when that happened? And we were surrounded by family.


The difference is that my son wasn't caught on camera for the world to see.

 
If there are parents out there giving their kids beer to chug down...yes, judge them. It's wrong. Cry foul, have a fit, demand justice.
 
 
But, to just have a moment when you turn your head for a minute and your child does something like that?
 
 
If that makes you a bad parent, well, I'm one, too.

Thoughtless Texting

Texting: short messages, usually without much thought.



I used to be text crazy, but then came facebook, blogging, and twitter.



Hubs and I text a lot.



And there's a few other people I'll text.



But, I did a completely brainless thing the other night.



Hubs brought in the mail and my college alumni magazine was there, with a picture of my class's 10th reunion.



I quickly flipped to the picture and found myself, hoping that I at least looked okay, knowing that it will be up on the college's website, labeled with names, and that I was in front.



So, oh, please, do not let them have used the pic where I was in the middle of yelling over at my boys, who were running around on the quad.



Please, no.



And, do you know what?



I looked cute.



As a button(did you know that "Button" is Hubs' nickname for me? It's a really cute story...)



I do not generally photograph well.



So, I was holding my breath, waiting on this pic.



A lot of my college friends weren't at the reunion, but I know that most would look at the pic online.



And I wanted to look good.



In college, I was awkward....



I didn't have very much confidence.



I was probably still cute, a little bit.



But, I always compared myself to others.



And the comparison was usually not good.



With age, has come confidence. Plus, I mutated at age 24 and look totally different now.



Maybe not too much, but hey, attitude counts for a lot.



I was SO excited that I grabbed my phone and texted College Buddy: Did you get our alum magazine? OMG, I look adorable!

Really, most of the people I went to college with will see my name and do a double-take: I look THAT different.

What I did not think about was CB's wife being the one to read the text and get peeeeee-issed about it.



Thinking that it was some sort of come on to her husband.



But, I can assure you that there is nothing there between us.


I think of him as my gay boyfriend, even though he's not gay...

It was just that he understood how I felt back in college and through my "growth" into confidence and how important it was for me to go back to the reunion looking good.



She did not take it that way.


OOPS!


But, I'm still excited about the picture.

Arrested, ME?

Last week, I was remembering not-fondly about the time that there was a warrant out for my arrest.

Me.

Goody-two-shoes to the nth degree.

Okay, so maybe I wouldn't go that far.

I do like to drink, I tend to call people motherbitches, I'm impatient, snotty at times, and irritable.

But, when it comes to things that you could actually get arrested for....

Nope, not me. No freaking way. (Except for maybe that one skinny dipping incident, but I didn't get busted for that one and really, how bad is that? Only I would think of that as something horrible.)

But, yes, I did have a warrant out for my arrest at one point.


What did I do? How did that happen?


Well, it actually answers Supahmommy and MommyBrain's All about MEme Monday question: Tell us about a time you got pulled over by the po-lice.



A Sunday in October 2007.

I was driving us to church. I can't remember why on earth I was driving, since Hubs was in the car. But, anyhangover....

I see the lights start flashing behind me and my heart jumps into a panic. I was NOT speeding. I DO NOT SPEED.

And on that particular stretch of road, by not speeding, I mean I don't even do 5 over(that doesn't count as speeding elsewhere, right?), because there is nothing else for the police to do right there than to pull people over. There's NOTHING there. Which is probably why most people fly down that road who don't realize that the police hang out there all the time. No joke, I once saw police cars in 4 different hiding spots along that road within less than 2 miles of each other.

I won't tell you the whole story about all the waiting and the officer's comments and all that crap because this post really doesn't need to be a whole book.

But, I had been pulled over because my registration had expired.

I had no idea. I knew my sticker was expired, but Hubs had told me two months before that he was going to take care of getting it renewed on time and that he'd get my sticker to me later, but that it was fine.

I thought he'd already done it and just hadn't given me the sticker.

Um, no.

Hubs takes my ticket and says he'll take care of it.

The next month, I get a notice in the mail, saying that I still need to pay for this ticket or a warrant for my arrest will be issued.

Again, I give it to Hubs, he says he'll take care of it.

Then, right before Christmas, I receive a warrant for my arrest in the mail.

Because Hubs still hadn't paid my freaking ticket.

I call him, in tears, rambling on and on about how he should forget about buying me anything for Christmas, I just don't want to get arrested and what if they came for me and no one else was here with the kids and they had to take them away, and I have an arrest on my record and what if I ever want to go back to teaching and....

Okay, I didn't handle it very well, at all.

I can't help it, it freaked me out.

So, there's my answer to Supah and Mommybrain's question and how I almost got arrested. I would just like to state for the record, that I've never gotten a ticket for anything else- not even pulled over for speeding.

Have you entered my first giveaway yet?

All Touched Out

Don't get me wrong.

I love my little boys.

And I love their hugs, cuddles, snuggles, and whatever other term you want to use for affection.

But, occasionally...

I get all touched out.

Where I want to scream, "Don't touch me!!!!"

"Leave Mommy alone!"

*I've never actually screamed this, except for in my head.

And have no small child hanging on me, demanding to be held or carried.

That sounds so mean.

But, when Hubs is working, particularly when he is working late for several days in a row and the parenting all falls to me, my preschoolers and baby seem like cling-ons.

And then when Hubs finally gets home, he can FORGET ABOUT any sort of affection.

These moments as a mom who doesn't want to be touched...

They pass.

The guilt doesn't- it seems like one of those things that I shouldn't ever feel, as a mom.

Just bein' honest here.

Mom of the Year

Every now and then, I do something so stupid that I feel like the worst mom ever.

This morning is an example.

I hear Bear up and playing around in the bathroom.

Look at the clock: 3am.

No freaking way, Bear, GO BACK TO BED.

Ever since he potty trained, he has been getting up about 5 or so to potty and then go back to bed.

But, 3am? No way.

About an hour later, I hear much giggling coming from the bathroom.

Bear and Monkey in the bathroom, both peeing in the potty at the same time and finding this hilarious.

Tell them both to go back to bed.

Hear much commotion from their room.

Tell Monkey to grab his stuff and come in Mommy's room so he and Bear(and Mommy) can get some more sleep.

Because no way am I getting up at 4 am.

Only when I hear Cub up and fussing in his crib, look at the clock which reads 6:30 am does it hit me.

Our power was out for a while yesterday afternoon while there was some construction going on.

It's actually 2 hours later than what my clock is telling me it is.

My boys were probably wondering what the heck was wrong with Mommy.

And had I not been so sleep deprived, I would have figured it out earlier.

I really suck sometimes.

Uh-oh

So, my cover is about to be blown.

My safe little bubble of happily spouting whatever I feel like saying without anyone who actually knows me in real life is about to pop.

Why?

Because I'm moving very soon.

And, there is someone who reads my blog occasionally who doesn't realize who I am...but that person will probably put the pieces together after she sees wait a second...she just moved and that blogger just moved to the same place...same exact time, same # of/ages of boys...wait a goshdarned second.

I wonder if I will lose a follower after that happens.

I wonder if I will be banned from said person's blog.

Because, irl, we are not friends.

Not enemies by any stretch of the imagination.

And actually, a person whom I used to consider a friend-with-potential....not someone whom I was really close with, but someone whom I thought that I could possibly be good friends with when we got to know each other better.

But, stupid stuff happens.

I didn't do anything.

She didn't do anything.

But, because we were in the same obnoxious mommy group and there was some ridiculous falling out that I still don't understand...we ended up on different sides...not that I actually picked a side, just sort of ended up where I ended up...hell, I don't even know if there really were sides.

I just know that when everything was over(whatever happened, I was clueless), I was put into the category that was not talked to any more by said blogger.

But, because I had no problems with this person and I knew of her blog, after quite a bit of time had passed, I read it, followed it, comment on it, etc.

And now, I wonder what will happen when she figures it out.

If she'll be annoyed.

Or maybe she won't care at all.

It's new for me, having someone who actually knows me read something that I write.

It makes me nervous.

All of you who blog and have your friends read what you write: you are far braver than I.