WIMTS: Motherbitch Edition

Soooo, here's what happened:





Despite my bad experiences with mommy groups, I decided to go ahead and offer to host an event for the group.





There are often game nights and I love games, so I thought that would be fun.





And, if I'm hosting, then I'm forced to talk to people, instead of silently mocking them while I sip a cocktail in the corner and be one of the only people who actually eats. Why do some women feel like it's a competition as to who can eat the least amount of food before they proclaim that they are stuffed? I not only lose, I don't even try to play. Not fun.





Okay, back to the story.





So, I offer to have a game night, with some fun games, including Just Dance, since you know that I love that. You have to loosen up and be silly when you play, plus it's something different from what they usually do, so I thought why not.





Games, drinks, food, fun.





But, the very first person to respond to my post about it asks if I could make this a family night because her husband would want to come, too.





And then four more moms reply after that, agreeing that it would be so much fun for this to be a family event.





Um, excuse me?

What I said: While dh would probably love to host a poker game here some night for the guys, I can't see doing all of that on the same night with all the kids here, too.





What I Meant to Say: What the hex? This event is in my home and you are wanting me to add your spouses and all of your kids to the mix? How is that going to be a fun night? All the dhs sitting around, eating my food, while all the moms run around chasing their kids all around my house. And I did mention that this was at night so MY kids will be in bed, asleep. This does not sound like fun to me, at all. It will leave me with a big freaking mess to clean up from all your kids running around and will defeat the purpose of my suggesting this night in the first place. No freaking thank you.



I haven't mentioned it again. I'm done.




Dance Party is moved to my blog and you're all invited!

See post below for details and join in!

The Old Motherbitch

I want to take a minute to thank all you fabulous comment-ers for your understanding yesterday and honesty in admitting that I'm far from being alone in occasionally experiencing mom-anger. I just ♥ you all! Though, after that, I'm going a little lighter and fluffier today.

Back at "home," I was about average age when compared to the moms of my boys' friends.





And at Monkey's old preschool, I was one of the "young" moms, at 32.





But, it's a different story down here.





I'm the OLD MOM.

Swiped from photobucket: I'm not that old- yet.



I was at a Stroller Strides class last week(exercise with your kids in tow- good in theory, but not with kids older than a baby) and two of the girls had on their "class t-shirts" from high school.





Class of 2007.





And the rest of the girls weren't much older.





I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise to me, since when I was pregnant with Monkey and living down here, I was teaching 5th grade...and a lot of the parents of my students were around my age(27), maybe just a little older.





I do remember that I was considered "old" to be having my first baby.





So, now I'm the old mama in my boys' playgroup.





I don't feel old.





32 isn't old.





But, these girls probably look at me like I'm ancient.





Or maybe they think I'm the old motherbitch.



Wait, they can't think that.



That's MY word.

More Tales of the Motherbitches

You know how I love to tell you the stories about the crazy moms I encounter.



Or maybe I really don't love it.



I wish I could find some normal moms irl. I feel like if some of my bloggy-buddies were at some of these mom-things with me, you would be sitting beside me as we laugh at the craziness.



For your entertainment: a story about the way that moms can act at a gift swap.



I went to one with the moms group that I went to the cookie exchange with.



There were a few of the same moms and then lots of ones I hadn't met before.



You had to bring a gift worth $10 and then we did one of those swaps where you pick a number and you can either steal a gift that has already been opened or try for an unwrapped gift. You don't know what you're going to end up with until the very end.



You know- the type of gift swap that is only fun if people steal other people's gifts.



Since I had no ideas and zero time to shop and be creative, I did a version of the teacher gift that I made this year, figuring that whoever ended up with it could at least have something useful, even if it wasn't something they were super-excited about. It actually ended up getting stolen a few times, though, so that was pretty cool.



Anyway, I was #5 out of 15. At that point, no one had stolen anything, but all that was out were some knickknack sort of things that would just clutter up my house, floral candles that would make my eyes water, and a reindeer from Build-a-Bear.

Cute, but I have already declared to everyone who could possibly buy a present for my boys that if one more stuffed animal comes into my house, I would completely flip out. When we moved, I thew out FOUR HUGE trash bags of them. You can't even donate those things. And, aside from the few that my boys "need" to have with them to go to bed, they don't play with them, other than to occasionally launch one at one another's heads.


So, I unwrap a new gift: one of those fountain things that give you the soothing sounds of water. Except that they make me want to pee...and I have the sound of the ocean if I just open my window or door. Oh well, I figure, no one will steal this, no big deal, it's only $10 and at least I got out of the house.


Next person to go, steals the reindeer. Steals it from the overdue pregnant girl who isn't even a part of the moms group yet, but who was invited to the gift swap as a way to get her to join the cult group. Anyway, Crazychick steals this from Abouttopopgirl and then announces that she needs this for her son's build-a-bear collection and no one better take it.


And then she proceeds to not just hold it, but hug it so hard that if that reindeer had ribs, they all would have been broken.


A few more people pick, and Crazychick tells each one that they can't have her reindeer.


Myonlyhopeofafriendinthegroup is sitting beside me and whispers that she's so going to steal the reindeer, just to shut up Crazychick. I'm practically cheering.


Because, even though I have the ban on stuffed animals, I would have taken it from her if I could, just because she was that annoying about it.

Just want to say here that there is a severe difference between the goodnatured oh-don't-take-my-gift-oh-darn! type of reaction at these things and the way that Crazychick acted.


Myonlyhope does steal it. But, Crazychick will not let go of it. She actually pulls it back and will not shut up about it.


She does finally let go, but only because just about every person in the room tells her that she has to.


After first trying to steal the reindeer back- tugging on its leg, she picks a new gift and gets a bottle of wine.


Next person up, actually steals the fountain that I picked. Woohoo!


Crazychick is trying to get me to take her bottle of wine.


Normally, I might be tempted, because hey- it's wine, but she was acting like such a child that there was no way I wanted her to have a chance to get the reindeer back.


Besides, there was a super cool wine glass out there, so I stole that.


Continues a little more, with much stealing of the reindeer and continued whining from Crazychick, begging people to take her wine.


We're almost done and someone steals my wine glass.


I look around and there really isn't anything else I want. Crazychick still has the bottle of wine, but I refuse to give her the satisfaction.


So, I go over to Otherpregnantgirl, apologize, and take the reindeer, figuring that that is something that will get stolen from me.


Before she goes to chose her present she looks at me, I nod, and we do some sort of Jedi mindtrick thing and she steals the wineglass.


A few swaps later, and it's over, and I still have the reindeer.


But, Otherpregnantgirl and I get up from our seats and switch gifts.


Crazychick starts whining about how that isn't fair and it's not how the rules work and how if I was going to do that, I should have switched with her.


Thus ends another crazy foray into the world of mommy groups for me. At least this time, I came out with a cute wine glass to show for it:

I don't keep things bottled up: perfect for me, right?

Where I Sound Like a Lush and a Snob...

I'm showing you the terrible parts of me today. I try to be a "good person," but I sometimes fail miserably. Last night was one of those times.

Yesterday, I was telling you all how I've become a hermit but that I was going to go to a cookie exchange with women that I've never met from a online message board.

In an effort to get to know people, I decided to go(LMAO if you really believe it's for that reason and not because I just love cookies).

There was a list on the message board of things that people were bringing, including drinks.

But, then, yesterday morning, there's a message that alcohol is NOT PERMITTED at the event.

WHAT is that about?

See how I'm already starting to sound like a lush, getting upset at this?

But, to tell a group of grown women that they aren't allowed to have alcohol is ridiculous.

But, apparently, it's one of the bylaws of the bigger organization that this message board is a part of and they got smacked down by some higher up and told that they can't have alcohol.

Still sounding like a lush for being upset- but, when my hermit-self does get to go out, I do like to enjoy a drink or seven. No, really just one or maybe two, depending on how long I'll be there, since I have to drive home.

I thought maybe it would be a situation where they would say that on the board and then, once we were there, the hostess would say(as I would if I were the hostess), "Sorry that I can't serve you any alcohol. Look at all I bought for the party, sitting right there on the counter. I'm going to go over there while you fix yourself a drink. " *insert cheesy wink here*

But, it was not to be. They stuck to their policy. CRAPTASTIC.

I'm much more relaxed when I've had a drink(see the whole lush thing still?). But, I didn't know any of these women and I tend to be an introverted person. Not shy, but introverted- if you are like me, then you totally understand the difference. So, a drink helps. No, I don't actually need one, so I guess that's why I'm not really a lush, I just play one on tv...sound like one on my blog.

Now let's get to the part where I sound like a snob.

I walk into a room of 11 women. I am not the type of person who is friends with everyone and just loves every single person I come into contact with.

I can be friendly to everyone, but I'm selective when it comes to whom I let into my little circle.

If you are clingy,or say really stupid things or say judgemental things(hello kettle, this is the pot...you do realize you're black, right? Yeah, yeah, I know.), I'm probably going to scoot away from you.

If you make faces about the thought of ever having a boy, I will move away. Especially if you tell me that boys are just so gross and no fun to shop for. Thanks for your brilliant insight on my children.

If you try to engage me in a conversation about how you think that formula is evil and breast is best, while a woman in the room is bottle-feeding their baby, I will excuse myself to get a drink. Darn, have to settle for cider. I did breastfeed my babies, but I am of the mind of what you do with your boobs is your business and what I do with mine is my business(and Hubs').

Speaking of boobies, I don't want to see the gigantic tattoo of your husband's name across your massive cleavage. Put that stuff away.

And, if you are not even of age yet(or even if you are, but said person was not yet 21), I do not want to hear about all the clubbing that you do and how you leave your newborn with a 12 year old babysitter while you are out getting trashed. I want A drink, not to be "smashed." Oh and when you are talking about doing this while your Marine husband is deployed to the Middle East, I really don't want to hear about what your cheating ass does.

Oh, and I think you already know how I feel about people who don't eat a thing at a party.

I did find some nice people to talk to. They were the ones saying they wished we could have had a drink and I told them that we should spike the cider when no one was looking- and they agreed. My kind of people.

So, there you have it- me at my absolute ugliest(or close to it, anyway). I'm not always like that, but it's a side of me that does come out sometimes and I wouldn't be being honest with you if I pretended otherwise.

Becoming a Hermit

In our "old life," meaning before we made the move to NC a month and a half ago, we were always on the go.

To the park, to the museum, to the zoo, to the inflatable crazy play place, on playdates, preschool, going for walks, story time at the library, Awana, karate, t-ball, swimming, going, going, going. Each day, the boys woke up wanting to know where we were going to go that day.

If we had a day where we stayed home all day it was most likely because someone was sick. Or because I spent all our money and didn't even have gas money...but that didn't happen often because we could still walk plenty of places.

On those rare days we did stay home all day, I thought I would lose my mind.

And even after the boys were in bed, I was going, going, going.

For a drink with my best friend, for beer and wings with my college buddy, margarita night with the girls(um, really, I'm not a lush...), to my monthly moms' group meeting that I coordinated, monthly book club meeting, Bible study, yoga class, going, going, going.

But, since our move, we don't leave home much.

For the boys, playing out on the beach is enough. That's in our backyard. They aren't getting tired of it.

Even just getting to go out and play on the deck is entertaining for them. I think it's the fresh air.

And the layout of this house is so much better for the kids to have room to play and especially room to play away from each other.

Of course they still go to preschool(tired of hearing me talk about all the preschool drama yet?), but they don't really want to go anywhere else. They want to go to the beach or play in the backyard or on the deck or just hang out in the house. They don't ask if where we're going every day.

And, as for me, BFF and college buddy obviously aren't here, and I haven't found a group of women to go have margaritas with(plus, there isn't a place that has $.99 margaritas that is close to me anymore...and I'm cheap).

I got burned out on MOPS groups after coordinating one for two years, so I'm not really anxious to join another. Though, maybe I would like it if all I had to do was show up, instead of handling all the planning.

No book clubs that I know of and I'll probably join a Bible study when the new groups start up in the new year. Yoga will probably happen again at some point...Hubs does like that flexibility. ;)

But, I don't really have any desire to go anywhere, either.

I love being able to hear the ocean from my house. It brings a sense of calm over me, so maybe that's why I don't feel such a need to find time to relax; I'm already relaxed.

Hubs is also home A LOT more than he was before our move. He used to rarely make it home for dinner- maybe once a week he'd be home before the boys were in bed.

But, he's only missed dinner here once since we moved.

And then after the boys go to bed, we actually spend time together- imagine that!

I'm happy with how our family has been spending our time.

Of course, with 3 boys 5 and under, I'm still busy. I'm ALWAYS busy.

But, I feel less scattered and stressed. I have more time to really focus on my family.

But, when I think about it, I realize that we're turning into hermits.

Should I be worried?

I am coming out of my hermit shell tonight to go to a cookie exchange with 12 women that I don't know(local moms online board) and it makes me nervous. I'll go armed with baked goods and a yummy dip.

But, I figure that I could give them the cookies I baked, grab up my share, and then get a text message shortly after that with some sort of emergency at home if I decide that I'd rather continue in my life as a hermit....

I promised myself that I wouldn't do it...

But, I did it.

I joined a "mommies" group down here.

Oh, God, it actually has the word "mommies" in its title.

While I love my boys calling me "mommy" and I cringe when Monkey occasionally calls me "mom" instead, I don't say, "Hi, I'm Shell and I'm a MOMMY!!!"

BLECH.

But, the reality of it is that groups like the one I joined are very good for info.

To be able to ask things like: Where are the good local parks? What's going on in the area this week? Where should I go get my hair did?

And have someone who knows the area be able to tell me.

Though I did live down here before, the friends that I have from here all live at least 45 minutes away, as we didn't move to the exact same area. Plus, they all have older kids...some of their kids practically my age, others with teenagers, and some with no kids.

So, I decided to suck it up and join a local moms' message board.

It's not like I actually have to go to any of the playdates or nights' out if I don't feel like it.

I can just chat on the board.

And, if there is any drama, I can delete my account and run.

Or, stay out of it, read it all, and silently mock.