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Friday, January 8, 2010

More Tales of the Motherbitches

You know how I love to tell you the stories about the crazy moms I encounter.

Or maybe I really don't love it.

I wish I could find some normal moms irl. I feel like if some of my bloggy-buddies were at some of these mom-things with me, you would be sitting beside me as we laugh at the craziness.

For your entertainment: a story about the way that moms can act at a gift swap.

I went to one with the moms group that I went to the cookie exchange with.

There were a few of the same moms and then lots of ones I hadn't met before.

You had to bring a gift worth $10 and then we did one of those swaps where you pick a number and you can either steal a gift that has already been opened or try for an unwrapped gift. You don't know what you're going to end up with until the very end.

You know- the type of gift swap that is only fun if people steal other people's gifts.

Since I had no ideas and zero time to shop and be creative, I did a version of the teacher gift that I made this year, figuring that whoever ended up with it could at least have something useful, even if it wasn't something they were super-excited about. It actually ended up getting stolen a few times, though, so that was pretty cool.

Anyway, I was #5 out of 15. At that point, no one had stolen anything, but all that was out were some knickknack sort of things that would just clutter up my house, floral candles that would make my eyes water, and a reindeer from Build-a-Bear.

Cute, but I have already declared to everyone who could possibly buy a present for my boys that if one more stuffed animal comes into my house, I would completely flip out. When we moved, I thew out FOUR HUGE trash bags of them. You can't even donate those things. And, aside from the few that my boys "need" to have with them to go to bed, they don't play with them, other than to occasionally launch one at one another's heads.

So, I unwrap a new gift: one of those fountain things that give you the soothing sounds of water. Except that they make me want to pee...and I have the sound of the ocean if I just open my window or door. Oh well, I figure, no one will steal this, no big deal, it's only $10 and at least I got out of the house.

Next person to go, steals the reindeer. Steals it from the overdue pregnant girl who isn't even a part of the moms group yet, but who was invited to the gift swap as a way to get her to join the cult group. Anyway, Crazychick steals this from Abouttopopgirl and then announces that she needs this for her son's build-a-bear collection and no one better take it.

And then she proceeds to not just hold it, but hug it so hard that if that reindeer had ribs, they all would have been broken.

A few more people pick, and Crazychick tells each one that they can't have her reindeer.

Myonlyhopeofafriendinthegroup is sitting beside me and whispers that she's so going to steal the reindeer, just to shut up Crazychick. I'm practically cheering.

Because, even though I have the ban on stuffed animals, I would have taken it from her if I could, just because she was that annoying about it.

Just want to say here that there is a severe difference between the goodnatured oh-don't-take-my-gift-oh-darn! type of reaction at these things and the way that Crazychick acted.

Myonlyhope does steal it. But, Crazychick will not let go of it. She actually pulls it back and will not shut up about it.

She does finally let go, but only because just about every person in the room tells her that she has to.

After first trying to steal the reindeer back- tugging on its leg, she picks a new gift and gets a bottle of wine.

Next person up, actually steals the fountain that I picked. Woohoo!

Crazychick is trying to get me to take her bottle of wine.

Normally, I might be tempted, because hey- it's wine, but she was acting like such a child that there was no way I wanted her to have a chance to get the reindeer back.

Besides, there was a super cool wine glass out there, so I stole that.

Continues a little more, with much stealing of the reindeer and continued whining from Crazychick, begging people to take her wine.

We're almost done and someone steals my wine glass.

I look around and there really isn't anything else I want. Crazychick still has the bottle of wine, but I refuse to give her the satisfaction.

So, I go over to Otherpregnantgirl, apologize, and take the reindeer, figuring that that is something that will get stolen from me.

Before she goes to chose her present she looks at me, I nod, and we do some sort of Jedi mindtrick thing and she steals the wineglass.

A few swaps later, and it's over, and I still have the reindeer.

But, Otherpregnantgirl and I get up from our seats and switch gifts.

Crazychick starts whining about how that isn't fair and it's not how the rules work and how if I was going to do that, I should have switched with her.

Thus ends another crazy foray into the world of mommy groups for me. At least this time, I came out with a cute wine glass to show for it:

I don't keep things bottled up: perfect for me, right?

Labels: ,


Blogger MeghanM said...

Oh my goodness, I can't believe people act like that!

January 8, 2010 at 7:25 AM  
Blogger Melissa B. said...

Mommy biotches come in all venues. I have quite a bit of experience with them as a teacher. You should read some of the e-mails they send me! Near you at SITS today...

Gift Basket

January 8, 2010 at 7:30 AM  
Blogger The Mommyologist said...

Oh how I would've loved to be in that room. I definitely would've stolen the reindeer just to watch her whine about. Seriously, who acts like that?? I really think that sometimes getting too many moms together just makes them act goofy (ahem...preschool moms).

The wine glass is too cute...LOVE it!

January 8, 2010 at 7:38 AM  
Blogger danita said...

that is too, too funny! now you can have wine in your glass whenever one of them pisses you off!

January 8, 2010 at 7:39 AM  
Blogger Mrsblogalot said...

Ugh!!! They are everywhere!!!!! Unbelievable!

January 8, 2010 at 7:44 AM  
Blogger Mrs Gloves said...

I know a few too many moms like this! Cute wine glass though!

...stopping by from SITS...

Steph @ Stick It in the Fridge

January 8, 2010 at 7:58 AM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

There truly is one of those crazybitches in every group! *shaking head*


January 8, 2010 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Sunday said...

You know their should be a Motherbitches meter at the door of every get together that will include more than 2 moms. I am guessing this woman would have tripped the breaker or something before even walking through it.

On a side note...I would have stolen the reindeer too, just out of spite. Cause I'm mean like that.

And I LOVE the wine glass!

January 8, 2010 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger Midday Escapades said...

Boy, you sure do meet some characters. Maybe that's why I don't socialize in the real world as much. LOL.

Happy Aloha Friday! Congrats to you and hubs for a great marriage!

January 8, 2010 at 8:24 AM  
Blogger SupahMommy said...

I totally would have cahooted with you.. just to piss crazybitch off.


January 8, 2010 at 8:27 AM  
Blogger Poolside with the Girls said...

Yeah, me and Supah would have done some mental mind messages and totally cahooted with you to mess with the crazy one...

January 8, 2010 at 8:31 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

OMG!! That's awesome that you switched at the end. I would have totally done that too!!

I hope that the person you switched with does indeed become a friend.

January 8, 2010 at 9:08 AM  
Blogger PaleMother said...

Wow. Just Wow.

Wouldn't you love to read Crazychick's blog entry about this incident?

January 8, 2010 at 9:15 AM  
Blogger Foursons said...

Oh my gosh- that is hilarious! I love the Jedi mind trick. I need some of those powers. Crazychick is the makings for some great blog fodder, you need to keep hanging around her!

January 8, 2010 at 9:22 AM  
Blogger Yankee Girl said...

I am so glad that crazy biotch did not get the reindeer! I am equally glad that you did not have to take it home either!

January 8, 2010 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger ShellSpann said...

WOW!! What a nut!

January 8, 2010 at 9:31 AM  
Blogger Mae Rae said...

That was an aweful lot of back and forth for only 15 people. Crazy chick sounds crazy. At least you didn't get stuck with the reindeer.

January 8, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Queenie Jeannie said...

PERFECT example of why I don't participate in "Mommy" (behaving badly) groups!!!! But Mommies whose husbands are deployed groups are the worst. THE WORST!!! Effing crybabies who drink too much while out "clubbing", aka looking for the next BabyDaddy.

Sorry, probably TMI.....but yeah, I hate those groups with a passion!!!

January 8, 2010 at 9:37 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Love it!!!!

January 8, 2010 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger singedwingangel said...

Roflmbo I would have stolen the deer too, I woulda just HAD to.. wellhe was awful cute but like you I have no need for them.. just the whole principle of the thing...

January 8, 2010 at 10:05 AM  
Blogger glitterbygrammie said...

You had to mess with the childish one. I would have taken the reindeer too. My gosh it is a stuffed animal.

January 8, 2010 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger beenomom said...

This is one of the many reasons I am soooo glad that I don't have children young enough to attend Moms groups anymore. Been there done that and I'll tell ya, those groups are suppose to be a support system for each other and those are the places you will get judged the most and be talked about the most behind your back! They can really suck!!

Good for you for stealing the reindeer. I would have done the same thing!! Classic!

January 8, 2010 at 10:19 AM  
Blogger Casy Schweickart said...

Love the glasses...people can be so crazy!

January 8, 2010 at 10:23 AM  
Blogger Eternal Lizdom said...

I LOVE THIS STORY! YOU ROCK! Sounds like you and the mom you swapped with could become friends... you've got the Jedi thing working!

January 8, 2010 at 10:34 AM  
Blogger Eternal Lizdom said...

Oh- and given how Crazy Mama was acting... I have to wonder what her kids act like when they don't get their way?

January 8, 2010 at 10:34 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

UH I hate that game! atleast it sounds like you guys had better things then we did! Glad you got that AWESOME glass! (and stole the reindeer from the B****

January 8, 2010 at 10:36 AM  
Blogger Arizona Mamma said...

Ahhh. A page out of my own book. I always wonder how it's possible that there isn't another woman in these mom meet ups that I feel I can even remotely relate to!

January 8, 2010 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Cole said...

LOL! I've always avoided the mommy groups, but now I'm kind of bummed that I've missed out on such great entertainment!

January 8, 2010 at 10:51 AM  
Blogger Wonder Woman said...

oh my...you know, if she hadn't made such a fuss about it, she probably would have ended up with it!!! Yes, that glss looks perfect for you! ;) Cheers!

January 8, 2010 at 10:52 AM  
Blogger Masala Chica said...

So that game is called the "White Elephant" - not sure why. But just wanted to let you know. I think there is a crazy ho at every kind of party like that. You just got to roll with it and remember - all of those gifts were under 10 bucks. You could go back and buy several of them and then taunt that lady at the next play date.

You should join just to torment her.

January 8, 2010 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

That is hilarious! Ladies like that make me afraid to join the mommy group that I just signed up for... I love how you and pregnant girl got the things you wanted!

January 8, 2010 at 11:06 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

That is freakin' hilarious... all that over a stuffed $10 reindeer?! Crazychick needs to get a life.

January 8, 2010 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger Ms Bibi said...

Love your new wine glass and the the fact that CrazyChick went home without the reindeer. I only wish I could have seen her face when it was over,lol

January 8, 2010 at 11:29 AM  
Blogger Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

OH. MY. COW. That woman would have driven me crazy. She totally has to learn a few skills like grace and subtlety and sanity...

Congrats on getting that wine glass!

January 8, 2010 at 11:43 AM  
Blogger blueviolet said...

You are impossibly brilliant with how you pulled that off and that woman didn't deserve the reindeer. Quite frankly, she didn't deserve anything and should have been removed from the premises!

January 8, 2010 at 11:49 AM  
Blogger Holly Noelle @ Domestic Dork said...

I've been to these before. There's always such a mix of people who bring something good and people who bring crap they had lying around their house. I think it should be specified with the invites which to do. If everybody brings crap than, hey, it's funny and still fun. But if only some people do it's kinda lame.

January 8, 2010 at 11:57 AM  
Blogger Hope said...

I think this is where the guys have us beat. If someone acts like an asshat, they just punch him in the neck. Sigh.

January 8, 2010 at 12:25 PM  
Blogger The Blue Zoo said...

Well on one hand the crazychick sounds really..well, crazy. But on the other hand at least she provided some sort of entertainment! Annoying people do serve some purpose.... to be made fun of on our blogs!

January 8, 2010 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger Working Mommy said...

LOVE the wine glass :) I also love how you and otherpregnantgirl pulled one over on the crazy-psycho...yikes!! Talk about a bad attitude! The thing is, though, there is one in every group!


January 8, 2010 at 12:43 PM  
Blogger Nathanael Rey said...

haha! I love th glass. This story had me rolling, it's crazy how some people can act!

January 8, 2010 at 12:59 PM  
Blogger Corrie Howe said...

If she wanted one so bad why not go to a shop and make one?

January 8, 2010 at 1:10 PM  
Blogger Corrie Howe said...

P.S. I love the wine glass. I could so use it.

January 8, 2010 at 1:11 PM  
Blogger Ambrosia said...

I hate to say something contradictory, but perhaps "crazychick" has other issues, like social issues. I have a brother with Asperger's and he would act the same way at any party. He just doesn't get it socially. And, he never will. It comes with the territory.

Oh, but don't get me wrong, it is annoying! I am a little sensitive, though, because of my brother.

I hope that you find a mother's group that appeals to you!

January 8, 2010 at 1:14 PM  
Blogger Margaret said...

It amazes me that Mom's are really that crazy and can really act younger than their own kids at times.

January 8, 2010 at 1:40 PM  
Blogger Trenches of Mommyhood said...

OMG I was rolling my eyes just READING this! I so would've been next to you at that shindig. And I would've snagged the bottle of wine to go with your wine glass and we would've opened it RIGHT THERE!

January 8, 2010 at 1:48 PM  
Blogger Heather @ Two Little Monkeys said...

That is too funny. I'm glad she got the reindeer stolen from her.

January 8, 2010 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

Just reading that made me wanna bitchslap someone. And that is why I'm not in any mommy groups. :D

January 8, 2010 at 2:12 PM  
Blogger Kiera said...

perfect wine glass! i don't do mommy groups for this exact reason. too many politics!!

January 8, 2010 at 2:36 PM  
Blogger Kiera said...

but sooo funny

January 8, 2010 at 2:36 PM  
Blogger The Princess of Sarcasm said...

You. Are. My. Hero.

January 8, 2010 at 2:59 PM  
Blogger Evonne said...

Awesome story! I would have messed with CrazyChick too. I think stuff like this is why I won't do mom groups.

Love the wine glass!

And by the way, where the heck can you get a Build-a-Bear reindeer for $10?!

January 8, 2010 at 3:19 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

LOL Are you sure Crazygirl is not my SIL? We play this game (dirty santa) every year at my moms and 3 years ago she got up and stormed out because my sister took her gift. (which was what i brought!)

My SIL's email addy even starts with crazygirl!

OH People never cease to surprise me.

January 8, 2010 at 4:06 PM  
Blogger mindij said...

CrazyChick sounds like a major winner!

January 8, 2010 at 6:10 PM  
Blogger gina said...

And this is why I have gone to exactly ONE mother's group meeting out of the fifteen years that I've had little kids, why i stick to blogging. But hey, you get some good post material out them at least. ;)

January 8, 2010 at 8:43 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Oh my goodness this cracked me up! I know sooo many crazy moms. This one actually sounded like someone I have run into....

January 8, 2010 at 9:58 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...


January 8, 2010 at 10:07 PM  
Blogger Alyssa said...

Love your blog and you are great at writing I am following and looking forward to reading more from you...so glad I found you!

January 8, 2010 at 10:38 PM  
Blogger Ams said...

Oh my goodness - I am dying over here. You were NOT exaggerating when you said that you were having trouble meeting people over there... some of them ladies are CRRAZZYYY!!!
I would have been scared! lol

January 8, 2010 at 10:39 PM  
Blogger Chief said...

why does every group have to have one? and then when you get a group of them together!?

I would have made my mark on that event, thts for sure!

January 9, 2010 at 12:28 AM  
Blogger Dual Mom said...

This story makes me so glad they didn't have "mommy groups" when my kids were small. Yeah, my mouth/brain filter would not have been able to withstand the insanity.

Very cute wineglass. I think you chose well!

January 9, 2010 at 11:34 AM  
Blogger kys said...

Annnnnd, that's why I would rather sit at home by myself than try to make friends with these lunatics.

January 9, 2010 at 10:16 PM  
Blogger Karin Katherine said...

Wow, I guess I don't feel bad that I'm not in any Mommy Groups. I would never survive one of these things. However, I look forward to reading your escapades at them.

January 13, 2010 at 8:49 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

Shell, I seriously heart you!! I'm part of a horrific mom's group myself. UGH! I could go on about the stupid Secret Sister reveal party I held--which I had been excited to host...until the crazy ladies started coming into my house one by one like ants...

Ha! Anyway--I LOVE your wineglass. It's awesome and totally something you'd see me carrying around.


January 14, 2010 at 7:36 PM  
Blogger Lluvia said...


i can't believe the crazy chick!!! lol
wish i had been there!!

i came back to read this from your current post!

March 10, 2010 at 1:53 PM  
Blogger ♥Amber Filkins♥ said...


I would have done the same thing. She is freaking annoying. I would have rubbed it in a little or something. lol

March 11, 2010 at 1:23 AM  

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