What's Really Wrong With Me

Oh, God, did I ever leave myself open with that blog title.

Try to be nice.

I'm referring to the funk that I fell into yesterday.

I need to say just how much I love those of you who commented.

It's so nice to hear encouragement.

But, I think I've figured out what's at the root of my mood.

Other than pms and lack of sleep. (took some pamprin, and went to bed early...champagne may have been involved....)

We moved back to NC a little over 2 months ago. It was an extremely quick move. There really wasn't much time to even think about it, I was just so busy getting us ready to move and then getting us settled.

And, to friends, who asked if I was happy with our move I said an enthusiastic YES.

That I don't miss PA at all and I'm so happy here.

To some extent, that's true.


Our house here is amazing.

It's right on the beach.

The beach relaxes me.

The boys love it, too.

I even sleep with the sliding glass doors open in my bedroom, to be able to hear the ocean.

Here are the boys, playing on our top deck: Yes, this is the deck that Bear likes to pee off of.

Even taken on a day when it's not so sunny, it's still gorgeous.

The pace of life here is much more laidback. And I'm a laidback kind of a girl.

Hubs' job allows him to be home with us a lot more often.

Bear is improving all the time. He's away from the crap that was poisoning him and making him sick(post for another time).

Bear and Monkey go to an awesome school, and at the same time, so that I have some nice breaks with just Cub.



Sounds great, right? Which is why I usually bounce around and say how happy I am with our move.




And I still am.




Yet...




Some of the bad came crashing down on me the other day.




Bear is getting better- but we have to start the whole early intervention evaluations allllllll over down here.



It breaks my heart every. single. time. I have to explain Bear's illness to someone(again, a post for another time). And I have to keep explaining it down here.

With Hubs being home every night for dinner, I've gained ten pounds in 2 months. And we haven't joined a gym yet. Even though you might know that what I really like to do at the gym is this, not exercising is depressing. My pants not fitting is depressing.

I don't have my bff or college buddy down here. The two people whom I could talk to without any filter and know that they would love me anyway. We do still keep in touch, but no more getting to go out, have some drinks, and get time away. Plus, bff's boys were my boys' bffs.

I've realized that a lot of the so-called friends I had in PA...whom I would talk to through email/fb almost everyday, go out with for margaritas about once a month or so, and our kids all used to be each others' playmates, so we used to have playdates all the time- until school got in the way, so it's been a while since the playdates anyway...but, most of them cannot even be bothered to click "like" on a fb status, let alone actually talk to me. And it's not for lack of trying on my part. I didn't realize those were such friendships of convenience.




I'm trying to get out around here, but I've told you how that has gone down here. I know if I keep looking, I'll find people that I connect with, but it's hard to find those people through all the motherbitches.




Though I love where we live and will be happy staying in this area forever, it's a hike to any place that I want to go. So, it's harder for me to say once Hubs is home, "Hey, I'm going to go run to Barnes and Noble or Target." Even if I didn't really need something, I would use those as an excuse to have some quiet time away. Now, it's a 30-45 minute drive to get to those places.





I'm still happy with our move because I know it's what was best for our family. Though here, I'm talking about Hubs, our 3 boys, and me. If I get into how my family members back in PA have reacted to this, that would just be another thing to add to the list of things that suck.



I know that I'll settle in more and find my place again.



But, until then, I really liked this bit of advice from Stone Fox yesterday:
Stone Fox said...
so what you gotta do is get yourself a tiara and a sash. crown yourself Princess Poutypants. get a banner and some buttons made. they should say "I *heart* My Pissy Attitude." pick up some party hats and streamers. have a Pity Party. the only things you are allowed to eat at the Pity Party are cake and cheezy poofs.or you can skip right to the eating cake and cheezy poofs part. the rest seems like an exhaustive amount of work now that i've written it down. let me know if there is going to be cake. i'll wear my Eatin' Pants.

So, you're all invited to my pity party. I'll have tiaras, buttons, cake, cheezy poofs, and wine for you all. Had to throw in the alcohol, you know.

But, I'm the only one who gets to wear the Princess Poutypants sash.

In a MOOD

You have been warned.

I know that I usually like to write about the crappy stuff- just because it's more interesting.

You don't come here for your daily dose of sunshine.

I even try to be a little funny about it.

But, today....

Well, the only other times that I was this tired were when I had double pneumonia and when I was in the first trimester of my first pregnancy.

Double pneumonia: I'd go up a few steps and then sit down to take a ten minute break.

First pregnancy: After teaching all day, I would either take a nap in my classroom or at least seriously consider it, since I thought the ten minute drive home was too far away to get me into my bed.

I don't quite know what's wrong. Probably mother nature deciding to beat up on me this particular month. Thanks for the gift.

But, it's magnifying everything else.

Like, making me feel like a crappy mom, who actually had to say these things many times today:

Stop beating on your brother.

Stop crying that your brother kicked you- you just punched him!

Don't bite your brother.

Where are your pants?

Don't throw your brother!

Don't use the apples as bowling bowls!

Don't hit your brother with a shovel!

STOP hitting your brother with a shovel!

Let your brother out of the cabinet!

On an on.

I've been a bit of a zombie today and my boys have jumped on that, taking advantage of my not paying as close of attention as I usually do.


This mood I'm in:

It makes me notice those 10 pounds I've gained in the past two months.

It makes me irritated with the early intervention people who can't Bear in anywhere near as soon as I'd like.(not their fault, I know)

It makes me frustrated with Hubs, who keeps changing his mind as to what he's doing job-wise. (even though I support him in this)

I'm even irritated with bil, who went back to college this week after taking some time off. Because now I don't have a free babysitter. (I'm not being logical at all- I should be happy for him)

Just every little thing.

So, tonight, I'm going to bed super early.

Not caring that I'm going to leave the house in a state of disaster.

Maybe that way, I'll feel equipped to deal with it tomorrow.

P.S. The shovels that my boys were beating on each other with- they were plastic sand shovels, in case you were worried.