I'd Never Do That

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

There are so many things I thought I would never do. Ideas I had about motherhood, before I actually became a mom.

What a naive little girl I was.

Take one girly-girl and have her give birth to THREE boys and oh, how things change.


The mess factor for one. I was the dainty eater before- I couldn't even eat wings in front of people. But, my boys have taught me that any food item that can actually make its way into your mouth is a good thing, and that it's going to be messy, no matter what it is.

I thought I'd have cute little ballerinas in sequiny tutus- but, welcome to the world of t-ball, karate, trucks, bugs, pirates, and mud puddles.

I hoped to be that put-together mom, now I'm lucky if I don't have tons of crap on me. Literal crap, though we are moving past that stage and more into food, mud, paint, and whatever other messes my boys get into.

Oh, and I thought I would never put one of my kids on a leash. Yeah. You try taking 3 boys under the age of 5 to some insanely crowded place by yourself and try to keep track of them all. I'd rather get dirty looks than lose one of my kids.

And speaking of losing one of my kids...it's far easier for me to find my kids if they are in matching outfits or at least the same color shirt. Have you seen a child who is dressed exactly like this? Not to mention that it makes dressing them in the mornings a much easier process.

Oh, and I should probably save the type of mom I am when it comes to school for a whole different post, since the fouls that I swore up and down when I was a childless teacher that I would never ever commit are already countless...and none of my kids have even made it to kindergarten yet.

Really, we're all such better parents before we have kids, aren't we?

The Girls

Pulling out a post from a while back to play along!

Truthful Tuesday's Question: Would you get a boob job?


Warning: this is an extremely shallow post.



I want boobies.



We are done having babies and after 3 pregnancies and breastfeeding 3 babies...the girls are shot.



Were they always this small? I don't know. Probably.



Maybe it was that the rest of me was smaller so the girls looked bigger before.



And they definitely aren't as perky.



So, I'd like some boobies.



Not gigantic ones.



But, maybe if my chest were bigger, you wouldn't notice as much how my hips are bigger than they were. It would balance me out.



Yup, I'll take some boobies so that I don't have to stress out at the gym so much.



I interrupt this extremely shallow boobies post to remind you to click everyday at the breast cancer website to provide free mammograms. All you have to do is CLICK.

Stick 'Em Up Tuesday

This post-it note thing that Supahmommy is hosting is truly addicting. Click on her name to join in the fun!


This week, instead of random post-it notes to a bunch of different people, I am sticking all of mine all over one person because I don't think she gets subtlety. One of those people who...it's not what they do, but the attitude in which they do it...that is so incredibly annoying.

So, all of them are for her this week.

This is my Petty Post-it Post...inspired by Monkey's whining about this.

Okay, I got my petty-ness out for the day.

Survivor MEme

5 things I absolutely can not live without...and since my chances of being stranded anywhere but somewhere with all my kiddos in tow, and probably somewhere no more exotic than our local park...or even our house, here's what I would need to survive:

1. Wipes: for butts, for faces, for cleaning up whatever horrific mess my children have managed to spew out on themselves, on me, or at the world at large.

2. Cell phone: Because I need to be able to call for HELP(or maybe just talk to someone else for some sanity). Also serves as GPS for all those times I get lost and end up in BFE.

3. Beverages: preferably alcoholic, but since that often isn't feasible, at least something caffeinated or thirst-quenching: because dude, do I get exhausted keeping up with my three.(My kiddos would need approximately three bags worth of groceries per day, but we are talking about me, not them; they usually manage to eat most of my food yet somehow, I don't lose weight.)

4. Double stroller: even though my middle child is at an age where I shouldn't be forcing him to sit in it any more, it's still the easiest way to get from point A to point B if I can keep 2 of the kids confined. And it's an absolute necessity should we reach point B and GOD FORBID, have to wait a little bit.

5. My BFF. Seriously, I'd cart her and her kids around with me all the time. I don't know how I survived the 14 years that we went without talking. Friends since preschool, then lost touch after high school. Found each other about 6 months ago and are back to being inseparable. Our kids are close in age and we have the same views on parenting, so she's my go-to person when I want support, not someone who is going to tell me any variation of "I told you so" or "My kids would never do that." She understands.

And, she has all the other "must have" things packed in her ever-reliable bag, so for all the other things that I can't survive without, I can borrow them from her.

Strong Little Ones

I've been following Jaden's story for a while now(click on his darling little face over on the right to take you to his story) and I can't read anything about him without tearing up.

Little ones who are sick: they break my heart. To see how much joy they still have, despite facing such enormous obstacles. Such bravery in ones so small.

My own Bear was very sick this past spring.

Could have died sick.

I literally start to throw up every time I think about it.

I didn't share his story with anyone because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the thought of someone asking me how he was because I knew that I would burst into tears.

So, I didn't say anything.

We just held him tight for months. After he would fall asleep, I would crawl into his little toddler bed, put my arms around him, stroke his hair, gaze at his little angel face, and bawl my eyes out.

When I found out that the other two did not have the same thing, I weeped tears of relief for them and more tears of pain for Bear.

I know that I pushed some friends away during this time, refusing to do some super-fun things and saying that I need to be home with my kids. I couldn't leave Bear. I just couldn't. Not knowing that he nearly died.

So, we kept our pain to ourselves. I didn't want it to be real. I wanted it all to just go away.

And, our prayers were answered and Bear is going to be okay.

But, I can't forget that pain, that fear, that absolute belief that your heart is going to break. I still can't talk about it too much; my hands are shaking as I type this post. Wimp that I am, I can't even handle talking about it and here are these strong little ones, struggling to overcome so much. We could all learn so much from their strength.

When I read Jaden's story, I feel for them. We've been there. And, we pray for them. Please take a moment and do the same.

The Thing About Bear

Sooo, I've been struggling about what to do about Bear and his preschool. I've heard from his teacher and from other parents that he is a runner. He will leave the classroom and go explore down the hall or get up from the table and wonder around the classroom. They worry that he'll get hurt and that he could be a distraction for the other three year-olds.

The very first thing that anyone has to say about him is that he is a very sweet little boy. So, he's not like some of the other boys in his class who hit other kids or screams at the teacher or throws fits.

But yet, he has a hard time with doing what he should be doing.

It's a cooperative preschool, so all the parents take their turns helping, so everyone sees everyone else's kids and how they act in school.

It PISSES ME OFF that I have heard talk from other parents about how they don't think Adam should be there. I want to yell at them and say "Really? He shouldn't be there, but your brat who kicked the teacher 5 times today is okay?"

Today was my turn to volunteer in the classroom. And, while most kids would act differently when their parent is in the classroom, Bear is in his own little bubble and stuff like that does not phase him.

And what did I see? That he's a sweet little guy who offers to share toys and gives the girls hugs and kisses. That when they are doing an activity, he is fine. He will participate and do it. But, that he does not do well when one group is finished with an activity and has to wait at the table for the other group to get done. He gets up and finds a toy to play with and quietly plays with it. Or, if they are all told to go sit on the carpet and wait for the teacher to start circle time, he continues to play until she actually starts circle time.

I know that these are things that could distract the other kids who could easily wonder why they have to do what the teacher says while Bear does his own thing.

But, do I think that he is going to magically be able to learn to do these things if I pull him out of preschool? No.

And, while he is not the most vocal child in the world, he has made great strides. He's probably not going to volunteer an answer, but if you directly ask him a question and not the class at large, he will do his best to answer you.

Bear did leave the classroom 3 different times(where is the childproof doorknob cover????) and that worries me more than anything else. Of course I was paying special attention to where he was, so I retrieved him quickly, but when I'm not there, what if he manages to leave school? Supposedly, the outside door is locked where they can't get out, but I think if there is a way to get out, he would figure it out. And, he's fast.

That makes all the other issues pale in comparison.

So, what I decided to do is to contact his preschool teacher from last year and ask her if I can put Bear back in the 2 year-old class and have her evaluate how he is doing and if he should stay there or if he could handle the 3 year-old program at her school. That program is an academic-based program, so it has a shorter day with one activity after another, no real play time built in. I think he would do better there. And I'm fine with it if she suggests the 2 year-old program.

Why didn't I continue to send him there this year? Because the school where Bear and Monkey go now is in walking distance and is cheaper than that one. I had heard great things about it, so I thought I would try what was most convenient. And, for Monkey, it's great. He loves it and is doing a good job in school.

All of this stuff has given me a headache and a sick feeling in my stomach. I know, I know, it's only preschool. But, he's my Little Bear and I feel like I have to protect him.

"Friends"

I resisted facebook for a long time. Freaked me out. Too many people being able to find me. People I never even liked in the first place. Why would they care what I am doing?

But, I eventually gave in.

And am addicted.

It's the nosiness in me.

I love being nosey.

But, there is Crazy-Helpless-Emoticon-Stalker Girl(CHESG for short, doesn't it just roll off your tongue?).

We went to high school together. I think we probably had p.e. together or something like that. Some class where there were 300 other kids in it. So, we never talked. Or maybe we occasionally exchanged incredibly personal thoughts like "Why are we playing ping-pong?" and "I think this shirt has been in my gym locker for 6 months."

But, I friend-accepted her anyway.

She's a first-time mom whose son is the same age as my youngest. And she seemed lonely. So, I patiently answered her questions and even hooked her up with some moms' groups so that she could find other people to harass...I mean, ask advice of.

But, still, the questions kept coming. And, not normal things or even just a question or two at a time. 20 freaking questions in one email. Your son's pics are cute. Where did you get them done? Who was the photographer? Did they suggest outfits or did you do that? Where did you get the cake that you brought? Did you clean up the mess or did they? How much was the cake? How much was the package that you got? My mom wants to pick her own pictures, can she come back and order more? How much are reprints? and on and on.

I kid you not.

My response was to thank her and then tell her the name of the place where we had the pics taken and that they could answer her questions better than I could.

CHESG(did I mention that she uses at least one emoticon in every sentence?) sent me an email last week, saying that she had looked on my blog(not this one, but my other one that just has pics of my boys and cute little stories about them) and she was asking all these questions. Which park was the one where the baby was crawling through a tunnel? Which one had a sand area? Which one...blah, blah, blah? And, could I tell her the names of the parks and where they are? And how far away from her house are they(thankfully, she and I live about 45 minutes away from each other)? And would her son have things to do there? What else is at those parks? Which ones are our favorites?

Okay, first of all, I was super busy last week, getting things ready for my brother's wedding. Plus, all the normal stuff involved with taking care of three kiddos. AND, I had already told her a few months ago where some good parks are. I did not have time for her craziness. Especially since, in all her ramblings, she said that she just wants to make a list of parks to try :) for future reference ;) when her son is old enough :D. (I kid you not on the emoticons- annoying, isn't it- that's why I am only imitating her once)

So, I ignored her.

Two days later, SHE RESENDS THE EMAIL, along with a little note saying that her email has been acting up and did I see this message from her?

I really should have ignored it.

But, instead, I replied, and yes, I know it was bitchy: "I did see it, but we're really busy this week and I didn't have a chance to respond. I don't know any secret parks, so just google parks in your area and try different ones to see which ones you like."

She almost immediately responded "I didn't know that you were so busy all of a sudden. Sorry if my asking one question ruined your whole day."

No, I haven't responded. And I don't plan to.

But, here is what I wanted to say:

What? Just because you read my facebook status, you think you know me or have any idea what is going on in my life? I don't post important things on there, so NO, you don't know me b/c you are my facebook "friend." Besides, regardless of how busy this week is with things you know nothing about, I have three children. I'm always busy. And, you didn't ask one question, you asked 47. I highly doubt that there is anything wrong with your email. Maybe everyone else is tired of your neediness and doesn't feel like answering you any more, either.

Instead, I just deleted the message and blocked her on facebook. Because I'm mature like that.

Post-it Note Tuesday

Supahmommy is playing a fun post-it note game this morning, though why I can't get the linky-button-thing to copy right now, I don't know. Ugh. Maybe I need another post-it for that.

This is highly addictive and I have an urge to grab actual post-its and start sticking them to people's foreheads.

All about MEme Monday

5 Television Shows I shall watch this season. And no one best interrupt MEme.

TV junkie that I am, it was hard to narrow it down to just 5. But, here are the ones that I would be the most upset about if the dvr acted up and didn't record them or if- HE BETTER NOT- Hubs were to cancel my recordings so that he could watch something else.

How I Met Your Mother Yes, still, even going into season 5, I love this show. How can you not love Barney/Doogie? And, back when it started, it appealed to the way that I think: that everything that happened happened to lead you to where you are in life, even though it's hard to see that at the time. But, I warn you, HIMYM, Ted better actually meet her this season. 'Cause now you're really pushing it. And please, no more dirty stories being told to Ted's kids. Really, there are some things he should definitely leave out when telling these things to teenagers. But, I'll give you one more shot because we've had a long and enjoyable relationship.

Gary Unmarried Do you watch this show? YOU SHOULD WATCH THIS SHOW. I love this show. Cracks me up every time. Hubs and I even watch together...though I sometimes think he acts very much like Gary and he thinks that I act like Allison and um, they are divorced. So, that might not be a good thing. But, it's still one of the funniest shows on tv and we were thrilled when they decided to bring it back for a second season.

House Another one of my long-time favs. House, how I love you. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. And that no-b.s. way of yours. And those eyes. I just love you. As screwed up as you are, I just can't stop watching you.

Fringe No, not just because I get to relive my Pacey crush from my Dawson's Creek obsessed days(I screamed at and then hung up on a boyfriend in college when he had the nerve to call me at 8:55pm on a Wednesday- what the hell was he thinking, interrupting those last 5 crucial cliff-hanging moments of Dawson's Creek???). Anyway, it's a smart show. Walter cracks me up while fascinating me with his brilliance, which of course rubbed off on his gorgeous son. I will continue to watch this one- even though the black boss guy reminds me creepily of the Geico gecko.

Gossip Girl Because it has no redeeming qualities to it whatsoever. A complete piece of trashy fluff that I am totally addicted to.

I must add that I'm thrilled that So You Think You Can Dance..dance, dance...is back for a fall season. I can totally dance like that. Really. In my mind, just like that. And I have a fabulous dancer's figure, too...in my mind.

What would I do without my dvr? Without all these shows, Hubs and I wouldn't be nearly as entertained at night as we are...and we'd probably end up with a whole litter of children. Good tv nights=great birth control

What I Really Meant

Dear Bear's Preschool Teacher,

I realize that I told you at orientation that I wanted you to tell me if Bear is not ready for preschool. That he's a young 3, a runner, and not very focused. I told you to please tell me if you think I should pull him out, wait a few months, and then try again.

I know I said that.

But, what I really meant was that I know he's young and that it's not going to be easy for him to sit still during circle time and always be doing what he should be doing.

I don't actually want you to tell me that he shouldn't be in school. I don't want you to tell me to pull him out of school.

I want you to tell me that he's sweet. Because he is. Have you noticed his gorgeous smile? How he has the best smile?

I want you to tell me that he'll get it, that it will be okay.

I'm a terrible eavesdropper and I know that you have a little boy in your class who HIT you. When he did that, did Bear ask you if you were okay? Because I'd be willing to bet that he did. I bet he even gave you a kiss.

I know you have a little boy in your class who has wrestled everyone else in the class and whose mom thinks this is okay.

I know that there are two little girls in there who cry hysterically when their moms leave them at school and continue to cry for the first half hour of class and that one of them cries everytime you ask her to do something.

And yet, you smile and nod encouragingly to these parents.

But, I see the look in your eye when you are telling me about Bear not participating.

I know what is coming.

I talked to him after school today about what is expected of him at school.

He burst into tears, threw himself in my arms, and said "I sorry, I sorry!"

If you kick him out, I will be the one bursting into tears.

Give him time, please.

Sincerely,
Bear's Mom

Speaking of my fear...

Yesterday, when we were leaving the mall, I walked out to find that a big-ass van was parked right beside our truck. You know you've gotten those emails, too, warning you how someone can easily pull you or one of your kids into their van, take off, and that's it. Oh, and how you should enter from the other side of your vehicle instead...but I CAN'T get all my kids in on one side.

So, I checked to see that there was no one in it(or checked as much as I could) and hurried to get Cub buckled into his seat.

As I'm snapping him in, I hear Monkey yell(his only volume really) "Who are you?"

I look up and standing right there, behind my stroller, was SCARY GUY. SCARY GUY must have been 6'4" and had hair down past his shoulders.

I jumped a freaking mile and my heart started beating a bazillion miles an hour.

SCARY GUY just smiled at us and told me not to worry, he'd wait for us to get in or he'd have his buddy pull the van up so that he could get in.

I slammed Cub's door and hustled the other two to the other side thinking, OMG, I just wrote about this fear right before we left the house. I can just hear the news: It's like she knew what was going to happen...

Thankfully, he was a completely harmless man in a non-kidnapping van, but I think it took about an hour for my heartrate to return to normal

Paranoia or Healthy Fear?

I call this a legitimate fear, Hubs calls it paranoia.

Here's my fear: someone snatching one/all of my kids and/or me.

Here's the reality of the situation: 3 kids age 4 and under. There's no such thing as quickly getting everyone out of/into our vehicle. Or at least, not into and all buckled up for safety.

I have it down to a science by now, but it still takes a few minutes. And, anyone watching us cross a parking lot would be able to tell this. One mom, probably looking frazzled since I'm almost always frazzled after being out and about with my 3, who has 3 little ones in tow, either with a full shopping cart or a massive stroller. It's obvious: it's going to take us longer than 2 seconds to get everyone and everything into our vehicle.

Which makes me think that we are ripe for the taking.

If you walk close to us as I'm getting everyone back in, you will hear my furious whisper(no, I don't yell at this point, since that would only draw further attention to us) to my children to stay with Mommy, where are you, are you right there, talk to me, Mommy needs to see/hear/be able to touch you to know that you are there. Though if you are close enough to hear this, I will also be shooting you furtive looks to be sure you aren't trying to take someone.

Hubs thinks it's a little excessive, this fear of mine. Of course, he wants me to be aware, but he also claims that anyone who took one of our kids would quickly give one back...he has the nerve to joke about this. And, we live in a quiet little suburb...but I can hear those words on the news: This afternoon, in what is a quiet little suburb...

I don't let it rule our lives, we still go out and about all the time, especially since staying at home with my three extremely active little ones for any length of time is enough to make us all crazy, but I always have that fear.

Not paranoia, Hubs. Healthy fear.

I Told Myself So

I should know better by now.

And really, I do know better.

Yet, last night, I decided it was a great idea to take my boys on a second set of errands in one day.

And have them run over into their dinner time. My boys: starving and demanding dinner at 5pm every night. If it gets to 5:15 and they haven't eaten yet, they will try to eat each other's arms off.

They were fine during our morning run-around.

And even made it through 3 stops in the afternoon.

Meltdown occurred at the last stop, which would have been our last stop even if I had more places to go to after that one.

Then, they started to meltdown.

Full whine mode.

Me: desperately trying to find the gigantic sucker-in-er granny panty kind of things that I need for this weekend's big shindig.

Monkey: laughing hysterically as he dances around with the nightgowns

Bear: bra on his head ala Weird Science

Cub: throwing his binky as far as he possibly can, then shrieking for it, until one of his brothers returns it, and then repeating the process

We hustled out of there as quickly as I could run.

Ten minute drive home: all kids are crying, Bear yells that "I crying" since he thinks I must not know this, Monkey yelling that they are hungry, Cub whacking his brothers with his empty sippy cup

And I wonder: where is the button that I can press that will bring up the privacy window. You know, the ones that you see in movies or on tv that separates the driver from the rich clients that he drives around, to give them privacy.

I need one of those.

Hopefully, I won't lose my mind and decide to attempt two sets of errands in one day ever again.

Editing to say that I just found our that our President likes to wear a bra on his head when he watches "Weird Science." So, I guess I could have just said that Bear was trying to be like the president...though, for Hubs, that would be even worse than just wearing one in the first place...

All About Meme Monday

Trying again with Meme Monday with Supahmommy and MommyBrain. This time about five "breathtaking" lies that you have told.

I have to say that everytime that particular Seinfeld episode comes on, Hubs and I chant that we want to see the baby. Even though we've seen it umpteen times and know that we don't get to see him, we still want to.

So, here we go: little white lies that I've told just to be nice. Actually, I realized that there are several that I use on a pretty regular basis whenever I am in a certain situation. So, here are my little repetitive white lies.

1. How fun! Use this when someone is telling me all about their new favorite hobby or obsession or habit that I think is totally wacky. You like to keep all your baby's nail clippings in a ceramic vase that you handpainted? How fun! Learning to cook without any ingredient that contains the letter E in its name? How fun!

2. No, no one told me! Good for when someone who has been the subject of rampant gossip tells me for herself what was going on. Add mild shock to voice and widen eyes slightly. Nope, not going to admit that yes, I've heard that you split your pants when you bent down to give your son a hug and revealed your purple thong to everyone in the preschool drop-off line, including super cute preschool dad. No, no one told me!

3. Huh. I haven't read that/seen that/been there yet. I bring this one out when someone raves about something that I think is sucky and I'm not feeling in the mood to argue the point or crush their little happy bubble. Though, if I loved something and they are trashing it, I will say so. I only care enough to lie for a happy bubble, not a complaining one. You think that The Glass Castle is the most inspiring book you've ever read? Huh, I haven't read that yet. You think that CiCi's has great pizza? Huh, I haven't been there yet.

My last two are more of self-preservation kind of white lies, rather than lies I tell so as not to hurt someone's feelings. But, because I use them often, I think they need to be included.

4. I'm sorry that you feel that way. Notice there is no admission of guilt, no saying that I'm sorry for whatever it is that you are ranting about, just acknowledging your feelings...even though I'm lying about being sorry about how you feel. Origin of this particular line: Crazy-ass mom yelling at me during my first year of teaching because you think that giving your precious daughter a week and a half to write a 5 paragraph essay is completely unreasonable, given that she has other homework, along with cheerleading and soccer, and then pretty much demanding my head on a platter, a 2 week extension, and some sort of admission of how you are right, well I'm sorry that you feel that way. See how it can sound sweet? And yet does not admit that I am wrong and that you are right? With no promises to change a damn thing? Oh, yes, I bring this one out all the time...even though I'm not sorry, you crazy lady, spewing whatever kind of nonsense that I will not apologize for. But, you feel better after I say it, don't you?

5. This last one is spoken more to Hubs than anyone else, though if I see you two days in a row, I might tell it to you, too. I'm of the belief that pants are not necessarily dirty just because they have been worn for a day. Everything else, ew, yes, throw it in the ever-growing laundry pile. But, pants? If I manage to keep them stain-free(a miracle around here) for a day, then, hell yes, I'm wearing them again tomorrow. But, I washed them last night.

Not My Kids

We were at a birthday party today, with a pack of kids ranging from a few months old to 5. We have gone through a few birthday parties with this same crew of people, though a few babies have been added along the way. I'm related to the birthday child, which is why we are included.

In birthdays past, there have been the same kid-tastrophes that occurred today: hitting, biting, someone not the birthday child opening some presents, a handprint in the birthday cake, potty accidents, diaper explosions, fits, fights, and escapee children.

The difference is that today, when those things happened, it was NOT MY KIDS who committed any of those acts.

In the past, with this particular group of people, my kids were the only ones who would stray farther than 6 inches away from Mama; they were loud, they got into things, they weren't on their best behavior. In most of the cases, the things they didn't weren't truly horrible, but when it was only my kids who were doing anything wrong, I had to deal with the Smug Mommies, the "tsk-tsk"ing, the looks.

So, yes, I'm being a little bit mean and reveling in the fact that these same moms who used to look at me with that can't-you-control-your-children look are now having to deal with the same behavior that they were so appalled at when it came from my kids.

I didn't return that smug look, though, I just laughed...knowing that next time, it probably will be one of my kids doing some of those things, but oh, how good it feels to be on the other side for once.

Peace

Do you hear that? TWO of my boys are sleeping.

No big deal for Cub, he takes a lovely 3-4 hour nap every day. Basically, you toss him in his crib(gently!), shut his door, and the promptly passes out. Ahhhhh!

The other two rarely nap.

But, today, after Cub was asleep, while I was frantically trying to uncover my family room floor from beneath the mountain of toys, Bear asked me to sit with him.

Any excuse to stop cleaning, I will take.

So, I sat down and he cuddled into my lap, head down on my chest as I stroked his hair.

"Bear, are you tired? Do you need a nap?"

"Mommy, I no tie-id...." and then promptly falls fast asleep.

Ahhhhhhh!

Monkey is engrossed in some boy-type movie that he has already seen about 214 times but that never fails to hypnotize him.

So, I get to enjoy peace and quiet.
Yes, this moment is rare enough for our house that I feel the need to document it.

I'm THAT Mom

The same one that I rolled my eyes at last year, when Monkey was starting preschool. I thought that it was ridiculous to give the preschool teacher a huge list of "what you need to know about my child."

Really, these are experienced teachers who deal with 3 and 4 year olds all the time. They'll figure it out, your child will be fine, so drop off your kiddo and skeedaddle.

Oh, how the smug have fallen this year, with Bear's entrance to preschool.

Monkey? He could take on the world at age 3. Completely potty trained, clear-spoken, opinionated, fully independent, capable of following directions and sitting still for activities.

And, if anything was going on that he didn't like, he was fully capable of telling me at pick-up time or kicking someone's ass(um, figuratively...I don't encourage literal ass-kicking...)

But, Bear is a totally different child. A sensitive soul who doesn't really speak up for himself.

So, I found myself with a laundry list of things that I felt like his teacher HAD to know before preschool starts.

* He's potty trained, but will walk out of the bathroom with his underpants and pants in hand and want someone to help him get dressed. Is that okay?

* He has a slight speech delay and is sometimes hard to understand. But, he can sing anything.

* If you ask him an either/or question, he'll automatically answer with the last thing that you say. Show him a circle, ask him what it is, and he'll tell you circle. Show him a circle, ask him if it is a circle or a square, and he'll say square.

* He's still a bit of a runner, so please keep a special eye on him when you go outside to play.

* He's very sensitive and thinks that you are telling him he is a BAD BOY if he does something bad. As in, if you tell him that he has to share toys, instead of thinking that you want him to share, he thinks that he's a rotten little boy who doesn't deserve to play with toys, ever.

I could probably keep going and going.

What did I tell Monkey's teacher last year? "Here's Monkey. Bye, we'll see you later."

But, for Bear? I become that mom who I made fun of last year.

What'd'ya gonna do...

...when you're sitting on the potty, when you are sitting on the potty for a while? Oh, there's lots'a things to do that will make ya happy, too, sittin' on the potty.

If you don't recognize that annoying song, it's because you managed to potty train your children without them having to watch "Potty Power" a million times. It's a song that talks about all the things kids can do on the potty while they are waiting to go...and I totally blame that song for this scene in my bathroom this morning, even though even they wouldn't suggest this as an activity for the kiddos.

Bear was upstairs pottying...and was up there for a considerable amount of time. I didn't think too much of it, since the other two were keeping me hopping downstairs. Plus, Hubs let Bear eat 4 chocolate cupcakes yesterday and chocolate and Bear do not mix.

Finally decided to go check on him. He's sitting on the potty and on the floor all over the bathroom are...(unused! have to say that first or the gross factor goes way up)...TAMPONS: tampons wrappers, tampons out of the applicator, and applicators.

Bear grins up at me, tampon in hand and says "Blast-off!" and shoots a tampon out of the applicator and across the room.

I had no idea you could actually get some distance on those things.

"Fun rocketships, Mommy!"

Brand-new box of 54 tampons that was sitting on the shelf beside the potty: only half full now.

Meme Monday: Fashion Memestakes

Participating in Suphamommy's and Mommy Brain's Meme Monday, to talk about the wonderful fashion choices we've made.

No pictures. Uh-uh, no way. Not only would it be way too embarrassing- not to mention near impossible to actually find the pics, but then I couldn't continue to deny that this is actually my blog. This is my little safe haven, to say whatever I feel like saying, without having to worry about offending in-laws or dh or alienating friends who completely disagree or having to worry about being pc. Nope, I like being able to deny that I said any of this stuff- it's the point of this blog.

Sooooo, no pics. But, I think you can get the visuals and understand why these were huge fashion mistakes.

1.Too bright and Mismatched Yes, I actually wore this. Out in public. Into the cruel world of junior high. Oh, the terrible influence of the 80s. Dark purple silk long-sleeved button down shirt. Paired with teal pants. A vibrant pink suede vest and matching pink shoes. Even my 3 year old can match his clothes better than this.

2.Big and Baggy This was the majority of high school. I was teeny tiny and cute as a button. Of course, being high school, insecurity ran high and I thought I was ugly and chubby(a chubby size 0-2? Yeah, can I go back and smack myself?) Sweatshirts and t-shirts were always a size XL. Not that I think that I should have been running around in skin-tight clothes(see #5 for spandex reference), but I regret not having better-fitting clothes during a time when I totally could have rocked them.

3.That Teacher Look When I was student teaching, I was in a super conservative environment. I totally got busted and smacked down the day that I wore my grey wool pants with boots and didn't wear hose b/c I had snagged a pair and was in a rush...you couldn't even tell, other than some brief flash of ankle that occurred once during the day...still had to go in for a lecture with the head of the education dept. about proper attire. So, this was the era of jumpers, bows, and cutsie clothes that are entirely adorable on a 4 year-old girl, but ridiculous on a 21 year-old woman. Not that I think that I should have been in every-guy's-fantasy-of-the-slutty-teacher clothes, but I'm finding that most of the fashion blunders I think of are when I didn't find BALANCE between 2 extremes.

4.Ginormous Belt Buckle About 6 inches across and 4 inches high, silver with pink rhinestones all around it. I wore it all the time. With everything. Even to work. And I didn't work in a country-western bar. I was 24, shouldn't I have known better? That was when I met dh...I think he was hypnotized by my dazzling rhinestones.

5.Spandex No, I'm not talking about the turquoise spandex that I wore in 5th grade during the 80s, with my double layer of slouch socks(neon pink and green) with my neon pink sweatshirt that fell off one shoulder to reveal the strap of my neon green tank top. Because that was a kick-ass look. No, this was a pair of mostly spandex pants(I think they are runner's gear or something like that). But, still clinging and tight enough and with enough spandex to make me cringe thinking about it. Wore them after having 2 children. They were comfy...and I did wear them with a shirt that mostly covered my ass...and I had lost most of my baby weight(this was before my body was done in by pregnancy #3)...I have to say that as a blanket rule, after you have a child, you should no longer be allowed to wear anything with more than 2% spandex in the material. Because A)no one wants to see that or B) even if you can somehow pull it off, the rest of us whose bodies have been distorted by pregnancy don't want to know that you can pull it off: instant hatred

It's really sad how I could go on and on with my fashion mistakes.

Conversation with the Clueless

Let me just say that the preschool decision this year was very long, drawn out, and complex. This year, we have one boy in the 4 year-old program and one in the 3s. Two very different boys. It was a lot more difficult this year, since it involved figuring out what was best for each one, as well as easier on me, too.

I agonized over different preschools: play-based, academic-based, or co-op. Teachers: strict, sweet, familiar. Schedules: 2 or 3 days, mornings, afternoons, overlapping, same pick-up times, different pick-up times, interupting Cub's nap schedule or not. Travel time: so close we'd always walk even if there was snow, close enough to walk in nice weather/drive in bad, or always have to drive. Cost: this definitely varied from school to school. Also: Do I send them to the same school? Different schools? Keep them with what they knew from last year?

In the end, I think I've made the best decision for both of them...and if they or I am not happy with the decision, there's an option to switch them.

Anyway, I know that throughout all of this, I definitely did not discuss all of this at length with Hubs because he response to all of this would be to tell me that I'm crazy, that it's just preschool, so send them to the cheapest/most convenient, and that it's ridiculous to stress over all this. Comments that would all make me want to throw something at his head. So, I refrained from asking his opinion about all this.

But, I know that I told him the final decision about where they will be going, what our schedule will be like, and how much it will cost. I also told him about running into the boys' teacher in town last week and about parent night this coming week. I've also talked to him about how I'm worried about Bear being in preschool, since he's still difficult to understand sometimes and I'm not sure how he will handle the structure of a class. There was also the great potty-training rush at the beginning of August, so that Bear would be allowed to attend preschool.

Does he listen to anything I say? I wonder.

Here's our conversation from last night, as I was cleaning things up in the living room and was putting away Bear's backpack.

Me: Isn't Bear's backpack cute?
Hubs: Aw. (Pause) What does he need a backpack for?
Me: (Pause as I stare at him to see if he is being serious) For preschool.
Hubs: He's going to preschool?
Me: Yeeeeeeeeesssssss. Both of the big boys start next week.
Hubs: Really? Bear is going, too?
Me: Yeeeeeeeeesssssss.
Hubs: But, he's so little.
Me: He's 3. That's when Monkey started, too.
Hubs: No, he didn't.
Me: Really? And how old was he last year when he started preschool?
Hubs: 4
Me: No, he was 3.
Hubs: No, he wasn't. 3 is too young. He was 4.
Me: Okay, so how old is Monkey now?
Hubs:(pause while he has to think about the fact that Monkey is 4) Oh.
Pause in conversation while I continue to clean up toys and Hubs plays on the computer
Hubs: Is Bear really starting preschool next week?
Me: YES.
Hubs: Wow, our little man is getting so big.
Me: (too annoyed to even respond)

Clueless. Absolutely clueless.
And here I thought that my husband actually listens to me.
Maybe I'm the clueless one.

Do your husbands listen to you? Or do you have similiar conversations in your house?

List for the Babysitter

When you are gone for any length of time, you generally leave a list for a babysitter, right? Some hints, suggestions, rules, along with making sure everything is all set for them.

But, what to do when it is Daddy who is staying home with the kids. Alone. It's rare, but it happens.

Usually, around here, it happens when all kids are sleeping, so there is nothing to it.

But, tomorrow, I'm heading out for the whole day with just Monkey, leaving Bear and Cub home with their Daddy.

Things I have thought of doing tonight: laying out clothes for both boys, moving the car seats and the stroller to Daddy's car(Monkey and I are taking the truck), putting Bear's sippy cups out on the table for easy access for Hubs, leaving a list of what each child should eat and drink for lunch, snacks, and dinner(I'll be here for breakfast), as well as what they can drink through the day, packing toys and extra clothes in his car in case the boys need them for the picnic that they are going to tomorrow night, writing a reminder of when Cub goes down for a nap and what to do if he wakes up after less than 2 hours, reminding Hubs that Bear still needs help wiping his bottom, showing him how the stroller unfolds/folds, reminding him of where we keep the medical cards, telling him what the boys are/are not allowed to do at the picnic, reminding him that Bear will go visit the neighbors at Gram's house if Hubs leaves him outside by himself, suggesting that Cub not be allowed in the inflatable jumpy thing with his older cousins, leaving out their pjs, and setting their bedtimes.

Seriously. For my own husband. The boys' father.

He should be able to do all this by himself. Or at least improvise.
It's just one day.

I am going to do NONE of the things on my list. He'll be fine.

Wanna bet that I get a call at lunchtime: Hon, where are Cub's sippy cups?