Pour Your Heart Out

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

 You can grab the button on my memes page: check the tab at the top of the page.

Today's Pour Your Heart Out has to do with my faith. I know I don't blog about it all the time, but if you are interested you can check out what I believe and a little more about how that plays out in my life.


Something hit me as I sat in church this past weekend. Our pastor is doing a series on "Practical Atheists," those who believe in God but act as if He doesn't exist.


I read this bullet point and felt my stomach sink: Someone who cares more about what other people think than what God thinks.


And all I could think of is the reason that I stopped going to Bible Study this past fall.  You see, I missed out on the first two studies of the semester, due to scheduling conflicts with my boys' schools.


So, when I walked into that third study, there was no one at the greeting table to direct me as to where I was supposed to go. After I found the right room, I walked into a room of 300+ ladies all sitting at tables, talking away, waiting for the study to start.


No one said anything to me. No one asked me to sit with them.  It took everything I had in me not to turn right around and walk out.


But, I decided to find a table where there was an empty seat and ask to sit down. I did...and even tried to introduce myself, but all anyone did was smile, nod, and go back to their conversations.


After some announcements, we were told to go to our small groups. I found out what small group I was assigned to and sat down with them.  Very awkward conversation as they all looked at me like I had three heads because I was the only one in the group who was not a military wife.


Small group time is over and it's time for the video lesson. Everyone in the group gets up and disperses back to their friends.


I sat there thinking I wouldn't come back. I sat there judging, thinking that back when I ran a moms' group for my church back in PA, we ALWAYS had a greeter, along with others who were near the entrance to help people who were new. How we found a seat for them and assigned groups for everything so that no one was ever left feeling how I felt.


I sat in judgement of them. And I felt judged. I cared more about what they thought than about what God thought.



I never went back.


Even though part of my intent for going to Bible Study in the first place was to get to know some women in my church, the biggest reason was to grow in my relationship with God.


And I let that get set aside because I was too worried about feeling like the odd girl out in the study.


That's not right.


So, I'm trying again. Tomorrow starts the new semester of Bible Study and I signed up. I'll be there. And I'm not going to let it bother me if I don't fit in. Because that's not the point of going to Bible Study.


Edited to say: I will be there if it isn't canceled due to the crazy snow we have this week. We're on day 3 of no school.

Pour Your Heart Out: Fifth Glass

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

I totally stole the "#th Glass" thing from my good blog buddy, Chelle from The Winey Mommy. Why didn't I think of that? Love you, Chelle!

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

  <a href="http://thingsicantsay-shell.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://i904.photobucket.com/albums/ac246/shellthings/pouryourheartout.jpg" /></a>

*****
Yes, I'm actually going to write a little about my faith today. I've done it before, about how I don't judge anyone based on what they believe or don't believe. If you want to read that, you can go HERE.


I grew up in the church. Eventually, my faith became a personal thing to me: a choice that I made to believe in God and not just going through the motions.



I was actively involved in my student ministries group and even went to a Christian college where going to chapel was part of our requirement to graduate. We were taught everything from a Christian perspective(some classes more than others, but it was always there).


I was a student ministries intern at a church and did a lot of volunteer work with my church, including heading a moms’ ministry.


I tell you this because I want to make it clear: I know what I’m supposed to say. I know what I’m supposed to feel, think, and do in order to try to live my life the way that God wants me to.


I know how to talk the talk.


But, I don’t always walk the walk.


If you read my post this weekend, about the loss of little Ethan, you know that instead of praising God in all things, I sometimes yell and question and cry and bitch and moan.


Yes, and say the word “bitch.”


But, I also think that God knows my heart.


He knows how I feel.


To spout words that feel empty to me…well, it just isn’t me.


I pray about this. I know that I don’t have the best “walk.”


And that that might make someone look at me and judge: who does she think she is, calling herself a Christian? When she questions God instead of praising him? When she says things that you’d never hear in the Bible?


Would you rather that I pretend like I’m perfect and I never screw up and spout all the “right” words that I’ve heard preached, even though they conflict with how I really feel?


Should I tell you that I always live according to how the Bible wants me to? When you know that’s not true. So, you’d call me a liar and a hypocrite and point to me as yet one more example of why you stay away from the church.


I’m me. I say things that aren’t always the “correct” thing to say. Instead, I say how I really feel. And I hope that by me admitting to my faults and telling you how I struggle and yet still telling you that I love God and know that He loves me…well, I hope that means something more to you than the “right” words.

I believe,

I hesitated about writing this post.



Because it has to do with religion.



Religion and politics, two subjects we should avoid, right?




But, here's the thing: I started this blog so that I would have an outlet to be able to say whatever is on my mind, without having to worry about what others would think.





I'm not going to change that, just because I have some readers now(love you!), and I'm not just talking to myself.







So, here I go.




I have friends who have similar beliefs to mine, friends who are of different religions, and friends who have no religion. Love all of them.


But, what I've noticed lately is that when someone says that they do not believe in God, they receive a positive and supportive response(in general, anyway).



Good for you- you are so independent.



You think for yourself.



You're such a strong person.

I can understand why you think that way.

But, if someone says that they do believe in God, the reaction is the opposite.



You are so narrow-minded.




You're weak.





Why can't you trust in yourself?



You shouldn't judge others(as if by saying I believe in God, it automatically means that I judge others).



Why do you believe that nonsense?



And it goes on and on.



I just don't get why the attitude is that it's acceptable not to believe in God and that no one should question that non-belief, that we should support people's right to believe that there isn't a God, but the opposite is true if someone says that they believe.



If you tell me you don't believe and we're in a situation where we can have a conversation, I might tell you that I do believe. I won't force what I believe down your throat or try to convert you from what you (don't) believe, but I don't see what's wrong with saying that I believe when you don't.


I don't think that going into great detail about why I believe and specifically what I believe is going to change your mind, though I'm willing to have that conversation should you want to.


All I ask is that if there is understanding for people who choose not to believe, the same courtesy should be extended to those of us who do.