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Saturday, April 10, 2010

Blogfia Support for Ethan

I shut down a lot when bad things happen.

I know that it appears to people who don’t know me that I don’t care. Because something horrible will happen to someone and there I am, just bopping along like nothing has changed.

But, here’s the thing: I DO care. I AM affected. So much so that I can’t really react or I would turn into a big inconsolable incoherent blubbering mess.

Yesterday morning, little Ethan Loney, a two year-old, lost his battle to cancer and passed away.

A two year-old.

I fully believe that he is in Heaven right now. He’s beyond all his pain and is happily playing away, able to do things there that his body wouldn’t allow him to do here on earth.

But, I can’t rejoice that he’s in Heaven.

I can’t.

Because, damnit, he should be with his family, playing and laughing and doing all that little boys do.
When things like this happen, I want to yell at God, not give Him thanks.

This might make you cringe and wonder how I can admit this outloud.

But, here’s the thing: God already knows this about me. It’s not a secret to Him. He knows my heart.

He knows that I question why such things happen and that I don’t say that these things happen for a reason.

Instead, I say that these things are heartbreaking and that I don’t understand why they have to happen and why God couldn’t work a miracle and save Ethan.

And I pray for strength for Ethan’s family.

Strength that I don’t have and it’s not even my child.

Strength because I don’t know how I’d ever make it through something like that.

Strength because they have to keep on going on without him somehow.

I read a blog from a mom who had lost her son and her strength amazes me. Though she would tell you that her strength comes from God. I pray for strength like that for the Loney family. Yes, I'm going to ask that you do read that link. You won't regret it, though you will need tissues.

Supahmommy is putting together something for Ethan’s family: please release a single white balloon in memory of this little boy this week, take a picture, and email it to supahmommy @ gmail.com

My oldest wanted to write a message to Ethan on the balloon: “Your family loves you.”

Go HERE for more information about Ethan.

And keep praying forJaden to fight, fight, fight.



Blogger mich said...

I don't usually comment but I am like you - I usually shut down when something horrible happens. Today my best friend's baby boy died after fighting for his life for one week and I am heartbroken for them and that baby Mason didn't get a chance at life. I just hug my baby tighter and pray that it doesn't happen to me bc I don't think i could get through it. I will pray for Ethan's family that they find a way to make it through.


April 10, 2010 at 8:32 AM  
Blogger SupahMommy said...

You are such a sweet friend. Such a sweet sweet friend. I don't get it either and I don't know who or what to YELL my anger at. Thank you for loving this little boy- and for participating. It's an incredible picture and I want to move to the beach. The balloons were so free.

April 10, 2010 at 8:44 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

Shell, you are not alone in your reactions to this maddening events. God is accustomed to us getting mad in times like these. I know I do.

We are stopping tomorrow after church to buy our balloons and set them free.

April 10, 2010 at 9:08 AM  
Blogger singedwingangel said...

Shelle hun I love your openness about this. IT isn't fair! It isn't explainable. I understand he is without pain and free, but he could have been that way here too. With a family tha loved his so much, and at the same time that love is what allowed them to let go, whenhe was in pain we could not comprehend I am sure. Would I have that kind of love?? Sending all my love and prayers to Ethan's family..

April 10, 2010 at 9:10 AM  
Blogger Danielle said...

I struggle with this as well. I found a sermon once online that really helped me. It is here : http://jdlhumes.blogspot.com/2009/12/thank-god-for-everything.html

I plan to release a white balloon for Ethan. I will continue to pray for his family.

April 10, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

It is incredibly sad and unexplainable.

April 10, 2010 at 9:39 AM  
Blogger Steph said...

Your picture is breathtaking.

I went to your links and my heart is broken for those families...

I share in your reclusive reaction with those moments of life...

Thanks for posting, Shell.

April 10, 2010 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

I am terribly sad for the Loney Family ...I question all the time why babies so perfect and pure and beautiful have to suffer cancer when rapist, child molesters and murders live on just fine in a prison system we pay for ...God I know you are there but I am not backing you up on this...Sorry babies are the most pefect thing ever created and I find it hard to believe they need to die of anything let lone suffer through cancer.

April 10, 2010 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

Gosh, I could have written this post. It's exactly how I feel. And I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out. It's just not fair.

April 10, 2010 at 10:31 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

I could have written this too and it's taking everything I have not to turn into a blubbering mess right now.

I know he's at peace, but dammit, it's just not fair. I don't understand it at all.

April 10, 2010 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger Ali @ Mommie Life said...

Oh my goodness, I couldn't even get through your post without tearing up. My heart goes out to this family, I can't imagine losing my little girl.

My heart aches for them...

April 10, 2010 at 11:39 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

I know exactly how you feel. I was thinking the other day about how, for those in Heaven, these things are probably easy to understand. But, for those left behind, I'm not sure we'll ever understand. Not in this life. And, it does make me angry. When there is real, honest, pure love ... how could anyone take that away? Even God?

April 10, 2010 at 11:59 AM  
Blogger Michelle Pixie said...

No mother's arms should ever be empty. My heart breaks. Your son is a very sweet young man.

April 10, 2010 at 12:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh no! I hadn't heard yet that he's passed away. My heart is breaking. His family is definitely in our prayers. You are not alone in your thoughts. Things like this are just not explainable.

April 10, 2010 at 12:37 PM  
Blogger Cara Mamma said...

Yes yes and yes! Beautifully written Shell. No parent should have to go what they are going through- though no child should have their life taken away so quickly either. It is tragic. I used to think that God would never let something happen that we could not cope with---but why ask families to cope with such heartache?

April 10, 2010 at 1:01 PM  
Blogger Ma What's 4 dinner said...

I can't even imagine...it's the things that keep you up at night. I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for them.


April 10, 2010 at 1:17 PM  
Blogger VKT said...

I am so sorry. This post brought tears to my eyes. I will certainly pray for Ethan's sweet family.

Blessings to you dear Shell

April 10, 2010 at 1:25 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

So sad...yell as loud as you need...God will understand as the rest of us will. It's so horrible...a worst nightmare come true. They are in my thoughts.

April 10, 2010 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

This is so sad. So difficult to understand. I am so sorry. I am going to read the post. I am keeping his family in my thoughts & prayers. Thanks for your poignant post....

April 10, 2010 at 2:57 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

I am a pray in silence type-
In my thoughts!

April 10, 2010 at 3:18 PM  
Blogger Arizona Mamma said...

The thoughts and feelings you express in this post mirror my own so closely it's scary. I too question why it happens. I even question how people can say "he's at peace now in Heaven." For me, that wouldn't be solice enough. I too don't know how or where I'd find the strength for that type of tragedy...and I PRAY with ALL MY MIGHT, that I am never tested. NEVER. I fear I would just crumble. A normal life is so fleeting, and one that is cut unnaturally short will just be forever out of reach of comprehension for me. Nothing about it is right, and reading about stories like these gives me all kinds of anxiety over the what ifs...all the possible dangers to my children. Sigh. But whether I read or not, they are there, and thanks for sharing his story.

April 10, 2010 at 4:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shell, I think it is perfectly normal to question, to be angry and to think it is not fair. I'm totally with you on that. I wish could be stronger and understand it, but believing that Ethan is in a better place can at least offer some peace.

What a lovely tribute to Ethan and a touching story... love the photo of the balloon over the beach/ocean.

April 10, 2010 at 4:50 PM  
Blogger TamsJewelry said...

I gave up trying to figure out God a long time ago.I am stupid when it comes to God logic.Sorry for the families my heart and prayers go out to them.You have a beautiful blog thank you for sharing! I admire your honesty.

April 10, 2010 at 5:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is too sad and I will keep his family in my prayers.

April 10, 2010 at 5:58 PM  
Blogger Just Breathe said...

It is so sad. Thank you for the links. I will be praying for his family. Please go over and vist my For Your Tears blog for a list of ways to help. Do you know them IRL?
I would love to send them a handkerchief from my blog.

April 10, 2010 at 6:22 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

Wow! I hadn't heard about his passing. I have a friend who lost her little boy at less than a year old. It was heartbreaking! No one can know what this family is going through. I love what you said about being in Heaven and in no pain. God never gives us more than we can handle but losing a child seems like something I could never handle! I am praying for them and going out to find a white baloon!

April 10, 2010 at 8:26 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

I think most everyone would have to admit that they feel the exact same way! Thanks for voicing it! This post brought me tears, as I get to enjoy my 5 healthy kids! It breaks my heart and my prayers will be for these family this week...and we will release a white balloon also! thanks again!

April 10, 2010 at 9:59 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

I'm back...okay...I bald my eyes out! That story is too much...I will hug my kids tighter tonight and love them more!

April 10, 2010 at 10:06 PM  
Blogger Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

thank you for sharing this, my heart is breaking and I am off to read and give my love and support.

April 10, 2010 at 10:42 PM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

Shell you wear your feelings on your sleeve like I do. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel so deeply. But without that passion I wouldn't be me, and you wouldn't be you. So instead I cry at the pain that God doesn't explain. I grieve for those I do not know. I pray for those who are stronger than I am, for I know I could never bear the things they endure.

April 10, 2010 at 11:00 PM  
Blogger Jayme said...

I hate this, it doesn't make sense! Why do such sweet innocent little babies have to suffer with this stupid nasty disease? I hate it. HATE it.

April 11, 2010 at 8:04 PM  
Blogger RN Mama said...

A child dying is always sad, but I think once you have kids, something like this touches you even deeper. I can't even imagine the pain his family is going through. Many prayers!

April 11, 2010 at 9:17 PM  
Blogger Chelle said...

My heart is aching, my eyes are crying. This is not fair. I hate cancer with a passion. And I am so, so sorry that a mother had to lose her own child to such an unfair disease.

{{hugs}} and prayers.

April 11, 2010 at 11:05 PM  
Blogger WhisperingWriter said...

How incredibly sad. I teared up at this.

April 11, 2010 at 11:52 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Sometimes, I have to stop reading blogs because I want to tell every single person who's hurting like this that I hear them and I'm sorry. It's a huge thing to say it and reach out like you have here.

April 12, 2010 at 12:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I retweeted the initial tweet about his passing, but I can't bring myself to do more beyond that. I just can't.

My heart broke when I tried to write a post about it, and I felt out of place because aside from following the story through Supah, I don't know the family and that dear sweet boy. It felt like writing a eulogy for someone I only knew of as an acquaintance and I felt horrible.

I thought about that little boy's struggle and the mother who loves him while I fed my baby at 1am last night and I cried and covered her precious forehead with mommy's tears... and I prayed for him. Something you just don't see me doing.

After reading your post though and considering what you said... I'm not sure praying is the right thing to do. Maybe anger is more appropriate.

April 12, 2010 at 10:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am kinda like that too. Even when Im sad I'd rather not talk about it a lot. And I can NOT imagine what a mess I'd be if one of my kids had to go through this.

Love your picture.

April 12, 2010 at 11:44 AM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

You're a wonderful friend.

April 12, 2010 at 3:45 PM  
Blogger Baby Sweetness said...

Oh man. I'm so sad and sorry I don't even know what to say to that. I pray for their family.

June 1, 2010 at 3:51 PM  

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