Pour Your Heart Out: A Glass That's Half-full

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

 <a href="http://thingsicantsay-shell.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://i904.photobucket.com/albums/ac246/shellthings/pouryourheartout.jpg" /></a>

We are into the holiday season now. Thankgiving, Christmas, New Year's. It all goes so quickly.

Throw a birthday in there for one of my boys, one of my brothers, my mil, plus a visit from parents and  my sil being due with a baby, and it's a crazy time.

Holidays usually equal family time. And... y'all, mine could be its own reality freak show with all the drama that goes on.

But, I've decided that today, I'm going to look for what I love in my family instead of what drives me crazy. In honor of Thanksgiving, I'm going to be a glass half-full kind of a girl.

I'm thankful that my older brother B has grown into a mature and caring man. He loves his wife and child (and baby on the way) with a passion that I rarely see in anyone. And I'm eternally grateful that he married a woman that I am proud to call my sister.

I'm thankful for my younger brother A, who is now a newlywed. He is the most level-headed person I know...until you tick him off. And when he's mad or *I*  am mad or hurt or upset in anyway, there is no one else that I'd rather have in my corner. He'd take on the world for those he loves. And he married well, too.

I was trying not to step on my sil's train or fall off the steps in my heels and break something, so yeah, it's a little bit of a weird pose, but the only one of my two brothers and me(and obviously my brother's wife) from when we were together for the wedding in October.

I'm thankful that I have brothers whom I can feel close to, even though I no longer live near them. I miss them, but I love that we are all happily married and building our families. And that, despite whatever craziness is around us, us kids stick together.


I'm going to try to remember all this during the craziness of the holidays. And if I can't, well, I'll take that half-full glass and DRINK it. And then pour another.

Pour Your Heart Out: A Glass of Wedding Tears

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

 <a href="http://thingsicantsay-shell.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="" src="http://i904.photobucket.com/albums/ac246/shellthings/pouryourheartout.jpg" /></a>

Plenty of people cry at weddings.


And so, I didn't look crazy when I started to cry at my baby brother's wedding this past weekend.


But, I wasn't crying tears of joy at the happiness of the new couple...though I was happy for them.


I wasn't crying sweet tears in memory of my own wedding day...though that was a wonderful day.


They certainly weren't tears of sadness, thinking that the couple shouldn't be getting married...because they are an adorable couple and so in love.


 I wasn't even crying because I wasn't in the wedding. I actually did get over that. Yes, my dress was so much better than the bridesmaids' dresses. Though, my heart did sink at the rehearsal when I discovered that my stepsister was doing a reading in the wedding. But, that is not why I was crying. I was totally the bigger person. Yes, I want a cookie or something for that.


So, why was I crying?


Because as I looked at my brother and his bride saying their vows, it hit me.


They are starting a new life together. If her father gets his wish, they will start having babies soon.


And I won't be there for any of it.


Oh, we can talk on the phone and email and facebook. But, I'm not really there. I'm the one who will swoop in once a year for a visit.


But, that means I'm not there for the day-to-day. To be there as a part of the family.  For the spur-of-the-moment get-togethers, being able to just drop in on each other, babysitting each other's kids, holidays, birthdays.


I looked at my niece, so cute in her flowergirl dress...how much she'd changed since I'd last seen her almost a year ago. And my other sil, pregnant and due with a boy in January.


I'm missing so much.


When I go to visit, I'll have to be introduced every time, "This is your Aunt Michelle, who lives in North Carolina. Do you remember her?" and have that question be met with blank stares and pulling-back.


I want to be a part of the family.


As insane as my mother makes me...OMG, if I started blogging about the crazy stuff she pulled in the few days I was there, I might not ever be able to stop....but that aside, I miss my brothers and their wives and their children. And my stepsister and her family. There are six cousins- I have the oldest and the youngest- so they are all so close in age(until the baby is born, of course) and I wish my boys could grow up close to their cousins.


But, a move back there is not in our future. At least, not in our foreseeable future.


And so, I cried during the wedding for all the moments that I will miss.

Nap, Interrupted

The day after Christmas, we were running around like crazy people, getting things together for mil's birthday lunch. She turned 50(a baby still, I know!), so we had her presents, flowers, balloons, and cake, all taken to the restaurant of her choice to surprise her.

We were there for over two hours.


After all that, plus everything that I had done to get things ready for Christmas the previous few days, I was completely wiped out.

Hubs actually made the incredibly rare suggestion that I go take a nap and he'd keep an eye on the boys.

Perhaps he was feeling guilty that he did not come through with the one Christmas present that I had requested, I don't know.

But, I didn't question it.

Promptly stripped down into my comfy clothes and fell into bed.

And into a coma.

The bedroom door comes flying open a little while later and I have to unglue my face from my pillow.

Yes, I drool in my sleep.

I drool a LOT if I'm fortunate enough to reach that coma-like state of sleep.

Hubs tells me that his aunt drove up to surprise his mom for her birthday and she's upstairs.

I consider going back to sleep, but decide that it's not going to happen without mil thinking I'm incredibly rude and throwing that in my face for the next forever or so.

So, I throw my new bathrobe on over my tank and underwear and go up to say hi to auntie.

Um, yeah, except that Hubs neglected to mention that it's not just his aunt, but her whole family.

I did tell you that it was a short robe that Hubs gave me, right?

I mean, I wasn't showing off my next Tuesday(I still laugh thinking about Charlotte from Sex in the City spelling that out), but I would have put on PANTS had I known that it wasn't just her.

Hubs then makes the announcement that "We have enough leftovers here- Shell will be happy to cook dinner here."

Whoa, buddy.

I was just enjoying my coma nap and I had planned on throwing a frozen pizza in the oven for dinner.

And while we did have enough ham, corn, and sweet potato casserole left, that was IT. And the only reason we had sweet potato casserole left is because I purposely made a double batch so that I could eat off of it for days.

It was not enough to feed 12 people.

I DO like to cook for people.

BUT!

I had just cooked a gigantic meal the night before.

I had NO plans of making another that day.

I was NOT prepared for this- no time for menu planning or grocery shopping.

Yet, I played the good hostess, checked my pantry, and threw together mac&cheese and green bean casserole(both from scratch- no mixes or soup involved, blech) and then sent bil to the store for rolls.

And all I heard was "Oh, good thing you had so much left over from yesterday."

Hrumph.

Is it wrong to want a simple "thank you"?

Because I'd much rather have returned to my coma than to cook and have everyone eat MY sweet potato casserole.

Cell phone for preschoolers????

I can't believe I actually have to do this, but here is the list of reasons WHY my four year-old can not have a cell phone yet.

And no, it's not because he is asking for one.

That answer would be simple: No, because Mommy says so.

My MOTHER is pissed at me for not letting her buy him a cell phone and doesn't understand why I don't want her to buy one for him and his 3 year-old and 17 month-old brothers.

She thinks it will be the best way for her to be able to talk to her grandchildren when her mean daughter takes them away from her by moving 600+ miles away.

And a simple "are you serious?" is not working as she thinks that I am saying no just to be mean and keep her grandchildren from talking to her.

I want to scream.

So, here I go:

1. I have a cell phone that they can talk to each other on.

2. We are on the same network, so don't even bother trying to tell me that it is because you are worried about my cell phone bill.

3. A 4 year-old can hardly be expected to be responsible for carrying a cell phone around- so it becomes one more damn thing that I have to cart around with me.

4. Since the sole purpose of this phone is for the boys to talk to their Grammy, Grammy will be pissed if her calls are not answered the second that she calls. I do not want the boys to think that a phone call is always more important than whatever it is that we are doing(eating dinner together, out playing, napping, in SCHOOL)

5. I don't want to be the parent that makes the boys' preschool have to come up with a cell phone policy.

6. It's just one more attempt by crazy Grammy to try to control us...so, no electronic leash, thankyouverymuch.

Favoring Monkey

I don't get it. (This is kind of a rambling rant this morning, as there are lots of things going on- I'm aware of this, but can't stop my brain from going in a million different directions and find one focus, so I apologize ahead of time)



I have three adorable boys.



And yet, their grandmothers all favor my oldest.



He gets more attention, more toys, more everything.

Okay, so he's the oldest.

But, it still doesn't add up.

My mother is currently having a fit about us taking her grandchildren away from her.

I'm trying to get us all packed up and moved in about 2 weeks. Hubs has an amazing job opportunity that we simply cannot pass up. My boys are so excited to live on the beach. And yet, according to my mother, this move is all about her. She keeps screaming that she wants to know what she did to make us move away, why are we punishing her, and what can she do to make us stay. All that drama is enough for several posts of its own, if it wouldn't make my head explode, trying to explain it.

Anyway, she is demanding that she get Monkey for several days before we leave.

Just Monkey.

And she'll see the other two when she picks up/drops off Monkey.

Her excuse for not wanting Bear is that she has never had him sleep over at her house and she doesn't know if he would do okay there. And that Cub is still a baby whom I should still be breastfeeding(damn- I bf him for 15 months, wtf does she want...and it's not like I'm going to start up again).

I'm okay with her not wanting to take the youngest two because she is having some medical issues that cause all of us kids to doubt Grammy's ability to take care of our kids. But, Monkey will be okay since he is 4 going on 30 and Grandpa is around.

But, to only care about seeing him?

It's such a bunch of bullshit.

She started taking him by himself when he was just 17 months old(when Bear was first born- to give me a break). So, there isn't the excuse that you can related better to a 4 year old than you can to a younger child.

What really makes me laugh is that both Bear and Cub are super-affectionate, loving children. Monkey, though, is only like that in order to get things from his grandparents, and then he has no use for them.

The whole situation irritates me so much.

Btw, I am not letting my mother take Monkey for several days. Not only am I concerned about whether or not she can physically take care of him, but I don't want her filling his head with all sorts of garbage about not wanting to move, how he should tell Mommy he wants to stay with Grammy, and how Grammy loves him best.

Though, my official excuse is that he has school, a haircut, a doctor's appointment, field trip to the pumpkin patch, church, and a birthday party all in the next week.

She can have her "chosen one" for one night before we move.

And then we'll move and I'll have mil being the one who favors Monkey.

Could you hear my scream of frustration through your computer screen?