More Tales of the Motherbitches

You know how I love to tell you the stories about the crazy moms I encounter.



Or maybe I really don't love it.



I wish I could find some normal moms irl. I feel like if some of my bloggy-buddies were at some of these mom-things with me, you would be sitting beside me as we laugh at the craziness.



For your entertainment: a story about the way that moms can act at a gift swap.



I went to one with the moms group that I went to the cookie exchange with.



There were a few of the same moms and then lots of ones I hadn't met before.



You had to bring a gift worth $10 and then we did one of those swaps where you pick a number and you can either steal a gift that has already been opened or try for an unwrapped gift. You don't know what you're going to end up with until the very end.



You know- the type of gift swap that is only fun if people steal other people's gifts.



Since I had no ideas and zero time to shop and be creative, I did a version of the teacher gift that I made this year, figuring that whoever ended up with it could at least have something useful, even if it wasn't something they were super-excited about. It actually ended up getting stolen a few times, though, so that was pretty cool.



Anyway, I was #5 out of 15. At that point, no one had stolen anything, but all that was out were some knickknack sort of things that would just clutter up my house, floral candles that would make my eyes water, and a reindeer from Build-a-Bear.

Cute, but I have already declared to everyone who could possibly buy a present for my boys that if one more stuffed animal comes into my house, I would completely flip out. When we moved, I thew out FOUR HUGE trash bags of them. You can't even donate those things. And, aside from the few that my boys "need" to have with them to go to bed, they don't play with them, other than to occasionally launch one at one another's heads.


So, I unwrap a new gift: one of those fountain things that give you the soothing sounds of water. Except that they make me want to pee...and I have the sound of the ocean if I just open my window or door. Oh well, I figure, no one will steal this, no big deal, it's only $10 and at least I got out of the house.


Next person to go, steals the reindeer. Steals it from the overdue pregnant girl who isn't even a part of the moms group yet, but who was invited to the gift swap as a way to get her to join the cult group. Anyway, Crazychick steals this from Abouttopopgirl and then announces that she needs this for her son's build-a-bear collection and no one better take it.


And then she proceeds to not just hold it, but hug it so hard that if that reindeer had ribs, they all would have been broken.


A few more people pick, and Crazychick tells each one that they can't have her reindeer.


Myonlyhopeofafriendinthegroup is sitting beside me and whispers that she's so going to steal the reindeer, just to shut up Crazychick. I'm practically cheering.


Because, even though I have the ban on stuffed animals, I would have taken it from her if I could, just because she was that annoying about it.

Just want to say here that there is a severe difference between the goodnatured oh-don't-take-my-gift-oh-darn! type of reaction at these things and the way that Crazychick acted.


Myonlyhope does steal it. But, Crazychick will not let go of it. She actually pulls it back and will not shut up about it.


She does finally let go, but only because just about every person in the room tells her that she has to.


After first trying to steal the reindeer back- tugging on its leg, she picks a new gift and gets a bottle of wine.


Next person up, actually steals the fountain that I picked. Woohoo!


Crazychick is trying to get me to take her bottle of wine.


Normally, I might be tempted, because hey- it's wine, but she was acting like such a child that there was no way I wanted her to have a chance to get the reindeer back.


Besides, there was a super cool wine glass out there, so I stole that.


Continues a little more, with much stealing of the reindeer and continued whining from Crazychick, begging people to take her wine.


We're almost done and someone steals my wine glass.


I look around and there really isn't anything else I want. Crazychick still has the bottle of wine, but I refuse to give her the satisfaction.


So, I go over to Otherpregnantgirl, apologize, and take the reindeer, figuring that that is something that will get stolen from me.


Before she goes to chose her present she looks at me, I nod, and we do some sort of Jedi mindtrick thing and she steals the wineglass.


A few swaps later, and it's over, and I still have the reindeer.


But, Otherpregnantgirl and I get up from our seats and switch gifts.


Crazychick starts whining about how that isn't fair and it's not how the rules work and how if I was going to do that, I should have switched with her.


Thus ends another crazy foray into the world of mommy groups for me. At least this time, I came out with a cute wine glass to show for it:

I don't keep things bottled up: perfect for me, right?