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Thursday, February 11, 2010

Switching Teams

From girls to boys and back again.

It started in junior high.

I did NOT fit in in junior high.

Mostly because the whole clique thing eluded me.

I wanted to be friends with whomever I wanted to be friends with and not just be in a clique. And maybe I didn't like everyone in a clique.

In case you have forgotten the rules of junior high girls, that meant that someone was going to hate me.

I'm going to use real names here, because, well, these girls were bitches.

I was good friends with Dana R.(this needs to be clarified, since she wasn't the only Dana), though I didn't really like all the girls in her clique. I was friends with a girl named Amy, whom got absorbed into the clique one night when she was invited to a sleepover that I wasn't.

I wasn't invited because it was at either Karen or Aimee's house- two girls in Dana's clique, that I didn't really like. Not that I hated them, but I wasn't close friends with them. They knew this.

In junior high girl-land, it's not okay to only be friends with some of the girls in the clique.

So, they decided to turn on me, thinking they would somehow have more "power" that way.

Even though Dana and I had been inseparable before that, countless sleepovers and being majorettes together.

That was it, they hated me and no one would tell me why.

Or, they would tell me stupid "reasons."

One day, Karen and Aimee were shoving me down the hall at the opening bell, saying things like I was ugly and I had an ugly haircut. My hair and Dana's used to be identical, until I got mine cut shorter. Apparently, that was an unforgivable crime.

How I wish I could have fought back. But, at the time, I was less than 5 feet tall and maybe 80 pounds. Karen and Aimee were FAT. I would not normally say that about someone, but, in this case, I see no reason to be nice about them. I can call them fat and hope that they have girls of their own now as payback.

That was when I started being friends with boys.

Boys were easier. They didn't care about the petty stuff. Simple conversation- or not even much conversation, just hanging out.

I was a big flirt, but because I never actually "went after" any of the guys I was friends with, I got to continue to hang around them and be everybody's little sister.

I'd usually have ONE female friend and then the guys. All through high school and college.

I had female acquaintances, especially in college where I was an elementary education major, so I had to talk to girls or I'd have no one to partner with for projects.

But, most of my friends were guys.

My roommate in college and I got along fine...until senior year, when we had another roommate in with us.

I don't know what happened, but they turned on me.

They loved to "be helpful" and tell my boyfriend whenever he would call the room(this was the days before cell phones were so common) that I wasn't there, I was out with College Buddy.

Boyfriend was so jealous of College Buddy, even though there wasn't anything going on there. But, my roomies would tell boyfriend this, no matter where I was. In class, at work, at the library, in the shower. They would delight in telling him that I was with College Buddy.

I got a single for the last semester of school.

It was just so much easier to be friends with guys.

That all started to change after marriage and kids, though.

Wives start to look at you funny if you talk to their husbands. And even those husbands themselves don't understand that it's just friendship that you're looking for.

Then, being a stay-at-home mom and wanting friendships: choices become limited to other moms.

College Buddy has been grandfathered in, though. We've been friends for so long that he counts as my gay-boyfriend-who-isn't-gay.

And so, into the world of mom groups I entered.

Weary and scared.

Because, I know what it's like to have girls turn on me.

I eventually found what I thought was my little group of friends and was okay with that. But, even in that group, there were fractures.

That really didn't have anything to do with me, but hurt me anyway.

BFF and I reconnected. We've known each other since we were in preschool together(Hey A- I need to scan in that pic of us at the preschool Christmas program- how cute were we???) and stayed friends. Not always close, but we never had any big blowouts. Just drifted every now and then. But, about a year ago, we found each other again and became inseparable.

Of course, I moved a few months ago and lost that. Not our friendship, since we're still close and always will be, but we don't see each other a couple times a week like we got used to.

The desire to not be alone all the time has led me to join some mom's groups down here. Not a whole lot of luck there, hence the motherbitch stories that I entertain you with.

I'd like to take some of my bloggyfriends and scoop you up and plunk you down into my neighborhood to save me from this agony.

Guys are able to have simple and easy friendships.

Women, not so much.

But, I guess at this stage in my life, I have no choice but to have female friendships if I want to have any friendships at all.

Maybe it's just me? Am I the only one who struggles with friendships?

*I'm willing to bet that there is a very relieved Mommyologist that all I'm talking about is friendships, since we are sharing a room at SITS in Baltimore next month.

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Blogger tinahead81 said...

oh man, i was having some major flashbacks while reading that! for some reason i could never get along with girls! my best friend turned on me in middle school...i had taffy put in my hair, was called names, and humiliated.

i used to have a group of friends at work, but after i got married and had kids, i was the out cast. work lines and friend lines got blurry--it was a mess!

guys do have it much easier!!

anyhoo! lol thanks for stopping by today!

February 11, 2010 at 7:18 AM  
Blogger danita said...

nope, not the only one! my bff lives in another country and other close friend isn't married--still lives at home (wtf?).

February 11, 2010 at 7:46 AM  
Blogger Bethany said...

last weekend my bil asked me why I didn't try to make real life friends, why are all my friends on the Internet? Maybe I should forward him this post.

I was homeschooled through jr. high/high school and have always been grateful that I don't have any stories to share about how other people treated me in unforgivable ways.

February 11, 2010 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger Liz Mays said...

My daughter is exactly like you! She was friends with guys all the way through school and was forced to live with a female roommate in college (rules, rules, rules, lol.) But she does finally have one good girlfriend. Since she's in a serious relationship, she really can't do the hang out with guys thing anymore either.

February 11, 2010 at 8:08 AM  
Blogger Cole said...

As an Army wife, I go through the whole make new friends thing every couple of years and it SUCKS! Don't get me wrong, I've made some great friends over the years, but for the most part I've discovered that women are bitchy and fickle. Guys are much easier to be friends with...

February 11, 2010 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger Jene said...

It's not just you, I struggled with the same issues. The cool kids (which included a former BFF of mine) used to call me "boygirl" in junior high because I had short hair. It was miserable.

I'm still very cautious about new women friends. I'm very lucky to have a group of five wonderful mom-friends, but it certainly didn't come easy. You probably wouldn't be surprised to hear that we met on the interwebs.

February 11, 2010 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger Coryanne Ettiene | Kitchen Living with Coryanne said...

my darling, I am afraid to say that I was one of those mean girls, and as a women I am ashamed of how mean girls can be and try to teach my daughter the importance of being nice to other girls. She is 6, so lets see how that works out. In the mean time, I was always the girl with loads of friends, but felt alone. Enter the nice lady, exit the mean girl. I know have a small fraction of friends who really know me..it has taken 20 some years to get those ladies and have the love we share. We are moving from London to AZ this july, I am scared to death -- how will I make friends? Will I be alone all the time, calliing my friends in London longing for 'home'. Friendships are so hard to make, it is like dating I think: you have the chat up lines, the first dates, the commitment, the honesty....all hard work. But worth it when it ends is true friendship. Lets hope you can find some gems out there. And on behalf of all the mean girls in school, I am sorry -- we were so very wrong, and have now grown up to be nice ladies...some of us.

February 11, 2010 at 8:18 AM  
Blogger Stepping On Cheerios said...

Women always seem to be in competition. I've always had easier friendships with men. Like you said "simple". The meaningful friendships I have with women now began long ago. I have friends now but I often feel guarded.

February 11, 2010 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger MommyLovesStilettos said...

I'm with you. I always found it easier to have guy friends. I do have two friends that I've been BFF's with since we were old enough to talk. But - we have had our fights and whatnot. I've always had a lot of guy friends. It's definitely easier that way.

And I'm with someone up ^^ there. A lot of women seem to make everything a competition. I don't want to compete. I want to just be friendly. I have girlfriends that I've met over the last couple of years that I'm semi-close with. But they'll never be as close to me as my two friends that I've had for the last 25 years. I just know I'll never let that "wall" down enough for that.

February 11, 2010 at 8:39 AM  
Blogger Samantha said...

Girls are just so mean, and all through Middle School, I too struggled with finding a friend. Eventually, they all turned on me...and like you...I just started hanging out with guys. Guys are more fun too. I'm just glad I'm not the only one with this problem. I just always thought it was me. I'm glad there's nothing wrong with me :)

February 11, 2010 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger Danielle said...

Wow, horrible but great story and recollection, I totally have repressed all the anxiety and stuff that came with middle and high school, you flashed me right back!

I think people are people, and if you as a female can keep the relationships your in relaxed and non-catty, then there are other women like you. Its just a matter of finding them and being open to their human-ness like they would be to yours.

I totally agree...blogs keep us in our separate areas of the world but they also help us heal each other even when we're not around!!


February 11, 2010 at 8:48 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I think there is a reason I have boys and not girls! I do not do well with "girl drama". I always have had more male friends than female ones. That is until the marriage and baby thing started. I do have a great group of girlfriend now (my bloggy ones included!) - I think I have bonded with the women I have because they hate all that jr high drama as much I do. Great post!

February 11, 2010 at 8:51 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

I hear you! I had one girlfriend through all of grade school and high school. She was the best! We hung out with a group of boys. And they were the best! Girls are too cruel. I couldn't stand the backstabbing, cruel words they handed out, the cliques, the game playing. I like the boys as friends better. The difference was, they didn't play games. You never had to wonder where you stood with them. They said it like it was and that was that. AND they knew how to have a good time. I always felt sorry for those popular girls and all their friends because they were missing out on what I had. : ) They looked and my friend and I like we were outcasts because we hung out with the boys. I think the were just jealous. Now that I'm in my 40's I still have a hard time with women as friends. I'm very careful. I have a best friend who I trust completely. And hand out with a few good girlfriends who I can trust. But I don't have tons of them. I still relate so much easier to men. Their friendships are so much easier.

February 11, 2010 at 8:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't get along with other gays. Idk. All my male friends are straight. Anyways. Secret to my "succesful" friendships: DIRT. Get DIRT on EVERYONE! Becausee then they are afraid to Fuxx with you. You can win their respect later.

February 11, 2010 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger Conservative Knit Mom said...

Oh Shell-- I could have written your post! I much prefer friendships with guys than girls-- things are so uncomplicated. That did not make me popular in school(if you know what I'm sayin') No one is trying to stab you in the back when you hang out with guys. You are not the only one (as you can tell my all your comments) I am sorry you moved away from your BFF. And I am sorry you have to try and meet other friends and weed out the good and bad. YOU are not alone! Today, right this very minute, I have no IRL friends. I have trust issues :)
I do hope you find people to hang with-- of course I hope for many BFF's for you but if not maybe some that you are semi-close with. I will say if you learn to knit you can meet some awesome people-- knitters are a rare breed :)

February 11, 2010 at 9:00 AM  
Blogger MrsBlogAlot said...

Guys are so much easier....gay guys...even better!!!

Just got major flashbacks. This is-and has always been-such a timeless issue that you would think schools (not just the parents this time) would address some of these social issues.

Why not? They teach < and > (which I still haven't used to this day until now) . What is more important or "greater than" a social conscious?

Would it help? I don't know but man it can't hurt as much as what some teenagers are going through as we speak.

February 11, 2010 at 9:14 AM  
Blogger Anna said...

It is soooo not just you. I, to this day, have a terrible time making friends. I moved a lot growing up and was never accepted into anyone's stupid clique. And the burns - ow.

In fact, I'm nearly 32 and it just happened to me this fall. Chicks suck. Except you. I think we could be BFF if I lived closer.

February 11, 2010 at 9:22 AM  
Blogger Meg @ Higgins Happenings said...

Girl...I'm right there with you - I was however pulled into the Clique BS in school - was a Cheerleader, Dancer & played volleyball - but I still hung out with the guys. I always had to struggle with names like "Slut & Whore" from the girls who didnt like me - but I didnt care. If i had my boys around - I knew I was safe. Still to this day I'm the same way. I hang out with Chris & his boys more than I do with my girls. I feel more comforable around Penis' than Vagina's haha - they don't judge and they have less drama!

February 11, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Dual Mom said...

Not only can women be motherbitches, you will never meet a cattier group of people.

We all need to be bitch slapped by times.

I have a group of really close friends that I've met through work.

Then I have my group of friends outside of work, one who I've known since we were fifteen. She lives in another province now though.

So I guess really, without my work friends, I'd be pretty much friendless. Hope I don't lose my job anytime soon!

February 11, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Yankee Girl said...

I have one super close bestie and a few other female friends, but for the most part I get along with guys better too. I go to my friend Danny for everything and his girlfriend seems to be okay with it. But I do have other guy friends I have lost because their girlfriends or wives did not like that we were close.

It's troublesome to me that people are not secure enough in their relationships to allow for male/female friendships. Maybe my husband and I are an anomaly. We trust each other completely and are okay with that.

I try my best to make new female friendships and it's hard. Why is that? Why do we always feel like we need to be in competition with one another or constantly place judgement on each other. It seems to me that we all pretty much want the same thing. I don't know anyone who says they have enough girlfriends, so why is it that women try to block others from having friends? I really don't get it.

February 11, 2010 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

Nope, you're not the only one who feels like that. I have made a few mom friends along the way, but it wasn't easy. I've discovered that a lot of grown women still have the high school clique mentality.

I still have a few good friends from grade school, thank goodness, but we don't get to see each other as often as we like.

February 11, 2010 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Sugar Bear said...

;o) Great minds think alike!! How funny.
A few weeks ago I went to pick up my son from school and for the first time all the Dads had come out to pick up their kids. I struck up a friendly, kid topic, conversation with one, feeling comfortable for once at pick up time, and then, up walked his wife who I had attempted numerous times to talk with at previous pick ups...she acted like she didn't know me...and just glared at me.
When my son finally came out...I hightailed it outta there...ugh! so ridiculous....Totally, totally agree with everything you wrote!!

February 11, 2010 at 9:37 AM  
Blogger beenomom said...

I hear ya girl!! I was one of those girls that pretty much got along with most people, but never really got close to girls. My two best friends in highschool were guys. One of whom I still talk to.

Knowing how girls are, I always fear for my own little girl because I know how nasty and petty and vicious girls can be. I am trying to teach her to stand up for herself and be confident and genuinely like herself. We will see how that goes though since she is only 6 right now!

February 11, 2010 at 9:59 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Oh, I understand that all too well!!
Having only brothers, I was more comfortable around boys. Most of my "girl"friends dropped out of school, so I hung around the guys. Even though we were strictly friends, it didn't keep other girls from gossiping.
Then my first three kids were boys. It wasn't until I had a girl, that I began to relate to females better. But a LOT of women are still stuck in high school! It is so hard to make friends...I get what you're saying:)

February 11, 2010 at 10:03 AM  
Blogger Ducky said...

You are not alone.... (that reminds me of a song, heh)

Anyway, you can plunk me down in your town. Hubs would LOVE to move out of Middle America. I think we'd be friends swimmingly. You know - guy style - I'm not up with that other shiz and as long as respect is present I'm not one to have easily ruffled feathers. Don't feel like talking that day? No biggie - I won't take it personally. :O) Not up for Mall Walking? Fine. Lets just sit and be silent while watching the kids play. Or we could just play Just Dance and I'll try not to pout when you beat me.

February 11, 2010 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

Sounds a lot like my life, except you can add in the life of military brat. Between Junior and Senior High I was 4 schools.

We have lived in our current residence about 5 years now. I had surgery yesterday and trying to prepare for it, I realized that I really sucked at making friends. I have a few women around here I get along with, and one I have been able to count on for a lot of things even though we aren't BFF"S (they are just a good Christian family).

Overall I could write 1000's of "Motherbitch" stories and few stories about the kindness of women around here. I don't fit in with the working mothers here, because I don't work. I don't fit in with most of the stay at home mothers because I can't afford to shop and eat out daily while leaving my child(children) with a babysitter.

My closest friendships were created online. I love in Ohio, one lives in Utah, and the other is in Washington.

February 11, 2010 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Mae Rae said...

I can so understand what you are saying. I grew up with all brothers, i have three sons, guys are really CUT AND DRY. I have always had a problem with girls since Jr. High as well when I was not looking at guys as someone to be a boyfriend with but just someone I have known for ever and can play football/baseball/frogcatch or whatever. The girls always thought I was trying to steal thier "boyfriends" and even still I hate talking to women at parties. I am so not the girlie girl.

February 11, 2010 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger lovemylevi said...

I feel ya! I wish there were playgroups with males instead of females, it would be so much more laid back and comfortable!
Following you from the Friday Follow link-up! Hope to see you at http://luvsjurn3.blogspot.com

February 11, 2010 at 10:51 AM  
Blogger mypixieblog said...

I can completely relate to your post. While I don't have any children and have therefore never had to befriend other mommies, I imagine that's sort of a forced friendship. I could be totally wrong, and obviously there are going to be other mothers you do really get along well with, but mostly it seems like motherhood is what you share in common (and there are many more facets in life than just that).

Even still, I was also an outcast growing up and I have to say that it's shaped me into a pretty strong girl today. I have a lot more guy friends than I do girl friends, but the frienships I have been able to form over the years are very tight and meaningful. I don't tolerate bullying and have learned to stand up for myself (mostly. Sometimes I'm still a pushover!). But I think in a way, the people who struggle in those early years are the strong ones later on in life.


February 11, 2010 at 10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg good looking and a sweetheart too...


February 11, 2010 at 10:56 AM  
Blogger Eternal Lizdom said...

First, don't fool yourself that guys have easy friendships. They have drama, too- it's just different from ours.

I have a couple of good, close friends. There are certainly always times that we disagree or whatever. But we get over it. I feel lucky to have those people in my life.

As for mean girls... again, I was lucky in junior high to end up in a clique from the get go. Not a popular one but one that remained true to each other. I've recently been reconnecting with these girls on Facebook and it's been great to pick up again.

Freshman year of high school- it was me vs a group of girls. Sophomore year... I ended up as part of their group and we were BFFs. Go figure.

If any of your readers are moms who live near or in Indianapolis... I'm having a giveaway that's on this subject...

February 11, 2010 at 11:06 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

Oh mah Jesus. I was reading this and mentally saying, "Yes. Yeah, did that, too. Yes! I KNOW, RIGHT???"

Guys are so much easier. I have good girlfriends from high school and college, but I hung out with the dudes and loved it. I was their girl/guy friend who they could ask questions about other girls but still burp and fart in front of.

It was awesome.

Then I moved to BFE, North Carolina. It hasn't worked that way so far because I am completely surrounded by females. There are 2 guys in my program and I adore one of them but I feel like I can't cling to hard because he's married and I feel like it's not okay to be super good friends.

Ugh, I think I'm going to have some very similar issues when I enter the land of motherbitches.

Maybe I'll just relocate to where you are and we can make our own group.

February 11, 2010 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger {Kimber} said...

I couldn't agree with you more about it being easier to be friends with guys...girls are just TOO CATTY!!

February 11, 2010 at 11:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to have the hardest time with friends. My best friend through elementary school and I faded in middle school when she was on a different class team than I was. We had completely different teachers and schedules so she became close with girls on her own class team. However, we still danced at the same dance studio together through high school, but had a blowout the summer before freshman year over some stupid boy who neither one of us ended up "going out with." Ever since then we were never as close as we had been, and what we had been before hadn't even really been a true, healthy friendship. I'm glad to say, though, that I finally found a girl my senior year in high school who ended up being my cousin that is practically the epitome of a best friend. I wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone. I hope that you can find someone that you really connect with, because it's the best thing to have someone you can confidently call your best friend and know that that title is reciprocated.

February 11, 2010 at 11:26 AM  
Blogger Daisygirl said...

Ha, I have always said Girls suck! I think it depends where you grow up though on how cliquey things are and if you didn't move 1/2 way into a school year...like me! I moved in 3rd grade, and then in 9th..yikes. I didnt have trouble making friends but I had much more guy friends than girls...still do.
I have a couple girlfriends that I am super close with but because we all have kids its not the same as back in the day.

I do have to laugh though at your comment about boys having easier relationships because Im not so sure about that, my hubby had some of his friends help us move awhile back and I couldn't believe how much these men were gossiping...like a bunch of girls! It was hilarious and I called them on it and one of them got really but hurt because I called him drama boy.

February 11, 2010 at 11:35 AM  
Blogger jss said...

I went to an all-girl's high school and struggled with girl friends for a long time. I had very few close female friends and far preferred my guy friends. The only two girlfriends I made in college I stopped speaking to after sophomore year. It wasn't until I was completely done with school and working in restaurants that I was finally able to make some great female friends -- girls who I consider my best friends today, nearly 6 years later.

That being said, I'm still afraid of mommy groups. In a situation like that, it's like a return to the old middle school competition. Who's the best, the prettiest, etc. Every time someone asks me if I'll join a mommy group after I have my son, I break into flop sweats and completely avoid the question.

I know I won't want to feel so isolated and will likely want to make friends with women who are in the same situation as me, but that doesn't mean I'm not wary and downright scared.

-Jess (http://bringingupbaby.tumblr.com)

February 11, 2010 at 11:40 AM  
Blogger Tam and John said...

I lived a daily nightmare in middle school too, only it was boys AND girls who found me to be a perfect target. Someone must have been watching over me, though, because we moved to England the summer before 8th grade, and I got to start all over. I became the party girl, the one who would take any dare, try anything, and that kept me pretty much in the safe middle all the way through college. Sadly, it didn't do much for my grades, but sometimes I think that sacrifice was worth it; I see young girls these days playing really dangerous life-or-death games because of bullying and it scares me. I finally got my academic career on track and became successful, but I still struggle every day with whether or not people like me(hello! just ready my blog!) I'm so glad you shared - it really is cathartic to talk about this shit, especially when we're always told we should have gotten over it by now. P.S. Sorry to babble to so long!

February 11, 2010 at 12:21 PM  
Blogger Corrie Howe said...

I grew up with a male dominated family. Three brothers, 14 male cousins to three female (including me), so I also hung out with more guys than girls in high school and college.

February 11, 2010 at 12:27 PM  
Blogger Cindi said...

I went through the same kind of stuff in junior high. It was then that I decided girls are just dowright mean and nasty. I too ended up with lots of guy friends. And you know what? There are a few of those guy friends that I can still call friends to this day. When my girls were in junior high they went through the same stuff of being treated like that and it just killed me. Thankfully, I learnd to stand up for myself as an adult and so have my girls.

February 11, 2010 at 12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is much easier to be friends with boys. I went through the same thing growing up.

February 11, 2010 at 12:52 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

You are definitely not the only one that struggles with friendships. I think they are like any other relationship, you have to work at it and repect each other and make time for each other. I have a hard enough time keeping up with my relationship with my husband! My girlfriends unfortunately take the back burner all to often. Blogging and facebook have become my source for connecting with my girls. I could write a whole blog about it! Maybe it will be my next post!

February 11, 2010 at 12:58 PM  
Blogger Adoption of Jane said...

You are not the only one.... *still snickering at Motherbitches* I use that term all the time now.... I too was the target of Mean Ruthless Kids

February 11, 2010 at 1:22 PM  
Blogger Margaret said...

I agree with you. I was always friends with the boys because girls are mean. I never fit in and I still don't fit in. I will always be friends with guys and if people don't like that then oh well.

I only have one female friend and at times that gets to be too much as well. Females are so much more work than males are.

February 11, 2010 at 2:48 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

After surviving (admittedly by blocking much of my junior high school memory out) junior high school and teaching middle school, I see the struggles all too much! Why are women like this? I was always better at being friends with males, but it is close to impossible when you're a SAHM. You're not alone!!!

February 11, 2010 at 3:09 PM  
Blogger Kmama said...

Looks like this post struck a chord with quite a few people...you have a helluva lot of comments!!

It definitely strikes a chord with me. I don't have a lot of female friends, and now that we're all married and stuff, it's not "appropriate" to make friends with males, so yeah, not a lot of friends. And it sucks.

February 11, 2010 at 3:32 PM  
Blogger Shannon K. said...

Your blog looks great!

I think you and I are cut from the same mold. I have ALWAYS had guy friends over girls...and always the same thing, like one good girlfriend. I can't take the bullshit drama and guys don't usually have much of that.

February 11, 2010 at 4:50 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

MAN! I wanted to jump in your memory and beat the fat girls up!

I had more guy friends when single but now I really only have 1 IRL friend. We have been friends since 7th grade and we go to the same church now but still don't get to hang together often because of work...or kids...or distance,we live over an hour away from one another BUT when we do get together we laugh so much my jaw aches for days.
I have other friends but they moved,one to California and another is in North Arkansas. Plus all my friends who live in my computer...Is it tight in there?

February 11, 2010 at 5:51 PM  
Blogger April (Mama is on the Potty) said...

I have issues with friends because not a lot of people get me. I am a great friend. I will be there for you until the end, but I am not a "have to be together all the time" kinda gal. I return phone calls when I get a chance (I have 3 kids, sometimes I can not drop what I am doing to hear about a new pair of shoes). I only go to girls nights once or twice a month...again, 3 kids + 1 hubby= I don't have tons of time (and I will be damned if I am going to leave my family to go to dinner with you and your kid. If I want to have dinner with a kid I have 3 of my own thankyouverymuch).

I am going to stop now b/c I could go on and on.

No, you are not the only one. lol

February 11, 2010 at 6:22 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Aaah, I'm with ya. I don't know anyone who didn't have their 'closest' friends turn on them in junior high. Girls are hard to trust-they'll turn on you in a minute! I've learned that I'd rather have a 'choice few' friends that I can really relate to and be myself around (that includes my blogger friends :) Than have lots of friends I can't stand, just because I feel like I should.

February 11, 2010 at 6:28 PM  
Blogger Tracie said...

I'm pretty sure I've told you before that I have a hard time making friends in real life. I can't stand the cattiness and pettiness that so often comes with friendships. Honestly, I don't even try these days.

February 11, 2010 at 6:28 PM  
Blogger This Ro(a)mantic Life said...

Spot on post. Spot ON. I had next to no female friends when I was in middle school because my class of 16 girls and 10 boys (yeah, small school) was very cliquey. There was one clique, actually. And if you weren't in it, you had no others to join. So I hung out on my own or talked to the boys. We weren't exactly friends, but I wasn't mocked relentlessly when I was with them. In high school, I kept to myself and didn't try to form close friendships with girls because I was too scared.

I'm minorly terrified of the idea of motherbitches. I haven't met any because I don't have kids yet, but I'm sure I'll get to know some in the future. For now, it's just hard to meet women when the vast majority of my husband's work friends are single. The blogosphere? Much, much friendlier and easier to navigate. That sometimes makes me incredibly sad.

February 11, 2010 at 7:03 PM  
Blogger 5 Kids With Disabilities said...

I knew girls like that in junior high school and I learned to just ignore them. I wouldn't have survived otherwise!!!!
Lindsey Petersen

February 11, 2010 at 7:15 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Girl please...if you only knew the half of it!

I hate girls

oys rule girls drool

: )

Jessica Jones

February 11, 2010 at 7:16 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I feel like I could have written this post. Most of my friends have always been guys. They get me. You know? I don't think I'm high maintenance enough to ever have fit in with the girls in school. And for 99% of the moms in the mommy group here you have to be bitchy and trashy and a know it all and ew.

I'm so happy to have my blog friends. Seriously--I feel like the amazing women I meet online are awesome. Maybe it's because we bare our souls into our blogs and in real life so many women try to be who they want to be/never will be.

Love ya chica. So happy I can call you--and the Mommyologist--a blog friend forever!


February 11, 2010 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger Foursons said...

Girl, I am going through this stupid female drama as I type this. It sucks so bad and I wish the HS crap would stay in HS. But some women like to live in drama and can't live their lives without it.

I have no female friends that I just hang out with right now because of this crap. The past couple of years were good until recently.

February 11, 2010 at 8:26 PM  
Blogger Crystal Escobar said...

haha, I seriously thought you were going to tell us a story of when you kissed a girl or something :) Anyway, I totally know what you mean when you talk about your friendship struggles. I have so many storied to share about that, perhaps I should blog about it as well :) If you lived in Utah, I would totally be your mom friend. I love hanging out with other moms and having play dates.

February 11, 2010 at 9:06 PM  
Blogger Sarah at The Stroller Ballet said...

I completely understand where you are coming from. It's so hard, sometimes, to make good friends. Esp. mommy friends! I moved to Boston in July, and I feel like just now am I meeting some quality people!

February 11, 2010 at 9:06 PM  
Blogger Mellodee said...

I, too, had a similar problem in grade school with my best friend and the new girl. They decided not to be friends anymore for no apparent reason. My mother said they were jealous, but that wasn't it at all. They were motherbitches in training! I just didn't know it then.

The whole experience really hurt and it took years and years before I got over it (sort of). Had a few guy friends, and one that stayed my friend for years and years.

But these days, now that I am beyond those early years of wifedom and motherhood, I have found that if you are very lucky you will find women friends who will love you, support you, laugh with you, cry with you, talk with you, protect you, understand you, and enjoy you all the time, no matter what. And that beats any guy friend I ever had!!

February 11, 2010 at 9:14 PM  
Blogger Mellodee said...

I, too, had a similar problem in grade school with my best friend and the new girl. They decided not to be friends anymore for no apparent reason. My mother said they were jealous, but that wasn't it at all. They were motherbitches in training! I just didn't know it then.

The whole experience really hurt and it took years and years before I got over it (sort of). Had a few guy friends, and one that stayed my friend for years and years.

But these days, now that I am beyond those early years of wifedom and motherhood, I have found that if you are very lucky you will find women friends who will love you, support you, laugh with you, cry with you, talk with you, protect you, understand you, and enjoy you all the time, no matter what. And that beats any guy friend I ever had!!

February 11, 2010 at 9:15 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I have struggled since I became a mom. Before kids, no problem, I was always hanging out with a girlfriend. Now, almost never. Either they are a "motherbitch" or we can't seem to sync our schedules to do ANYTHING together. I joined a bible study at the preschool my youngest goes to hoping to meet some friends who were kidless on that day also, I was the only one to sign up. Oh well, at least I am getting a bible study in!

February 11, 2010 at 9:26 PM  
Blogger Stepping On Cheerios said...

Linked to you in my last post! Hope you like it:)


February 11, 2010 at 9:27 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

It's hard to make anyone happy. I had the same issues...jr high, hs, college...it was all drama!

February 11, 2010 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger Babe_chilla said...

I am shocked that, at almost 30 and 8 months pregnant, I am STILL going through this catty, jealous bullshit with some would be friends.

I don't know what it is about women that make them such bitches, but I wish a lot of them would just get over themselves, and realize we should support each other instead of being such, well I won't say the C word on your blog, but you know what I mean.

I seriously don't get women. And I AM one.

February 11, 2010 at 11:29 PM  
Blogger Alexis AKA MOM said...

Oh man the older the get the harder it is with friendships. I'm sad to say more and more have less time or want you to be there all the time for them but if you ever need them then they are no where to be found.

In High School I was the same way and I have seen it now when if seen them their wives don't like it. I would have been just like you with the text to your guy buddy.

February 12, 2010 at 12:58 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Oh girl, I have so been there. I also found it easier to be friends with guys than with girls. I think that is why I hate Mommy groups. I am so afraid of getting hurt that I can't put myself out there and open up to anyone.

Thank goodness for bloggy friends, right?

February 12, 2010 at 8:56 PM  
Blogger The Princess of Sarcasm said...

I agree. I had a lot of guy friends growing up too. Girls come with too much drama. I have girlfriends now, but there is definitely bs I have to deal with....which is even harder now that some of them drag children in to their crap! I have a neighbor that I'd like to kick her ass for talking shit about people's kids to everyone...including other kids. Life is so much simpler without the drama stuff. I'm glad I have all boys when I hear about all the mean girl stuff at school. God bless the girl mommas.

February 13, 2010 at 5:30 PM  
Blogger Joy said...

yep right there with you. I have a friend who we have been close since HS but I really feel out of her loop alot seems like she has tons of friends and I just don't fit in with all of them.

I ran with the guys alot in HS also hubs and I met in hs so he just happened to be one of them but I hug out with him and his friends alot. guy friends are easier I think mommies tend to judge each other way to much!

February 17, 2010 at 12:09 PM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Thanks for directing me to this post Shell...think the wives look at YOU funny, try being a SINGLE mom and preferring guy friends! Luckily, anyone that knows my story, knows I'm the girl they LEAST have to worry about!

May 26, 2010 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Thanks for directing me to this post Shell...think the wives look at YOU funny, try being a SINGLE mom and preferring guy friends! Luckily, anyone that knows my story, knows I'm the girl they LEAST have to worry about!

May 26, 2010 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I'm stalking through your archives..just so you know. Hi, I'm creepy!

I have such a hard time making friends. I am terrible at small talk and tend to be too honest for most people. I have a few close ones. But would really like more then my hubby!

August 8, 2010 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I'm stalking through your archives..just so you know. Hi, I'm creepy!

I have such a hard time making friends. I am terrible at small talk and tend to be too honest for most people. I have a few close ones. But would really like more then my hubby!

August 8, 2010 at 9:42 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

There's a book call Odd Girl Out. about how being bullied as a kid can effect you forever. Its scary to read and makes my heart hurt for my little girls, but made me face a lot of my unresolved issues.

August 8, 2010 at 9:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOVE your blog. I am just finding it. Hysterical. My best friend is a guy and has been for years... well I mean he has always been a guy -- just been my friend for years. Good God I sound like a moron here. Anyway I totally get it - I think it is VERY hard to find good girlfriends.
Kelly Ozley

August 22, 2010 at 12:12 AM  
Blogger  said...

It's especially difficult to make friends as an adult mother when you move around so much. All the other women already have friends, some they've known all their lives. You just can't make a "best friend" as an adult woman, in most cases.

And even if you could, when you're "interviewing," you can't actually think of your needs first. You have to think about how old her kids are, whether or not they would click with your kids during play dates, whether or not she works and will have time to get together with you, etc. Whether or not your personalities jive is very far down the list. :)

And if you do actually connect with someone and think you've made a fabulous new friend for life, you can bet that you'll be moving soon.

I agree with your comment about scooping up all your bloggy friends and dropping them into your real life. That would work swimmingly!

November 22, 2010 at 11:09 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I'm just finding your blog and post and don't know if you will even see this. I am 53 years old and I just got a BFF 3 years ago! My BFFs have always been boys/guys. Girls are bitches. I love the freedom to say that here. I was always the one out. I admire your courage to put it out there. Wish I had been more like you when I was younger. Got a late start but making up for it now! Thanks!!!! I am sending the link to a post where I almost lost my BFF that I waited my entire life for was almost killed in a school shooting.
Donna @ http://mylife-in-stories.blogspot.com


April 28, 2011 at 2:37 PM  

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