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Thursday, January 7, 2010

What's Really Wrong With Me

Oh, God, did I ever leave myself open with that blog title.

Try to be nice.

I'm referring to the funk that I fell into yesterday.

I need to say just how much I love those of you who commented.

It's so nice to hear encouragement.

But, I think I've figured out what's at the root of my mood.

Other than pms and lack of sleep. (took some pamprin, and went to bed early...champagne may have been involved....)

We moved back to NC a little over 2 months ago. It was an extremely quick move. There really wasn't much time to even think about it, I was just so busy getting us ready to move and then getting us settled.

And, to friends, who asked if I was happy with our move I said an enthusiastic YES.

That I don't miss PA at all and I'm so happy here.

To some extent, that's true.

Our house here is amazing.

It's right on the beach.

The beach relaxes me.

The boys love it, too.

I even sleep with the sliding glass doors open in my bedroom, to be able to hear the ocean.

Here are the boys, playing on our top deck: Yes, this is the deck that Bear likes to pee off of.

Even taken on a day when it's not so sunny, it's still gorgeous.

The pace of life here is much more laidback. And I'm a laidback kind of a girl.

Hubs' job allows him to be home with us a lot more often.

Bear is improving all the time. He's away from the crap that was poisoning him and making him sick(post for another time).

Bear and Monkey go to an awesome school, and at the same time, so that I have some nice breaks with just Cub.

Sounds great, right? Which is why I usually bounce around and say how happy I am with our move.

And I still am.


Some of the bad came crashing down on me the other day.

Bear is getting better- but we have to start the whole early intervention evaluations allllllll over down here.

It breaks my heart every. single. time. I have to explain Bear's illness to someone(again, a post for another time). And I have to keep explaining it down here.

With Hubs being home every night for dinner, I've gained ten pounds in 2 months. And we haven't joined a gym yet. Even though you might know that what I really like to do at the gym is this, not exercising is depressing. My pants not fitting is depressing.

I don't have my bff or college buddy down here. The two people whom I could talk to without any filter and know that they would love me anyway. We do still keep in touch, but no more getting to go out, have some drinks, and get time away. Plus, bff's boys were my boys' bffs.

I've realized that a lot of the so-called friends I had in PA...whom I would talk to through email/fb almost everyday, go out with for margaritas about once a month or so, and our kids all used to be each others' playmates, so we used to have playdates all the time- until school got in the way, so it's been a while since the playdates anyway...but, most of them cannot even be bothered to click "like" on a fb status, let alone actually talk to me. And it's not for lack of trying on my part. I didn't realize those were such friendships of convenience.

I'm trying to get out around here, but I've told you how that has gone down here. I know if I keep looking, I'll find people that I connect with, but it's hard to find those people through all the motherbitches.

Though I love where we live and will be happy staying in this area forever, it's a hike to any place that I want to go. So, it's harder for me to say once Hubs is home, "Hey, I'm going to go run to Barnes and Noble or Target." Even if I didn't really need something, I would use those as an excuse to have some quiet time away. Now, it's a 30-45 minute drive to get to those places.

I'm still happy with our move because I know it's what was best for our family. Though here, I'm talking about Hubs, our 3 boys, and me. If I get into how my family members back in PA have reacted to this, that would just be another thing to add to the list of things that suck.

I know that I'll settle in more and find my place again.

But, until then, I really liked this bit of advice from Stone Fox yesterday:
Stone Fox said...
so what you gotta do is get yourself a tiara and a sash. crown yourself Princess Poutypants. get a banner and some buttons made. they should say "I *heart* My Pissy Attitude." pick up some party hats and streamers. have a Pity Party. the only things you are allowed to eat at the Pity Party are cake and cheezy poofs.or you can skip right to the eating cake and cheezy poofs part. the rest seems like an exhaustive amount of work now that i've written it down. let me know if there is going to be cake. i'll wear my Eatin' Pants.

So, you're all invited to my pity party. I'll have tiaras, buttons, cake, cheezy poofs, and wine for you all. Had to throw in the alcohol, you know.

But, I'm the only one who gets to wear the Princess Poutypants sash.

Labels: , , ,


Blogger The Mommyologist said...

I know how you feel because I've moved around so much. It is so hard to be in a new area with no support! I know that I pretty much hated Denver after I had my son simply because I had no "people." I would sit in my house and cry most of the time. I think that it is perfectly ok to have a pity party...we all have times when we need one!

I can't believe that deck on your house though with that view! I don't think I'd get anything done if I lived there!

And you know I'm with you on the motherbitches. They are the WORST.

January 7, 2010 at 7:36 AM  
Blogger danita said...

i feel ya! it's the reality of the new year settling in--every year i feel all new and shiny for about the first three or four days of the year and then bam! it's gone. totally get the 45 minute drive to anywhere, too. and you're not a lush or a snob--at least your blog isn't named after beer, like mine is!

January 7, 2010 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I can SO relate. I haven't even moved across the country, or I guess, down the country, but most of my fb "friends" aren't really friends at all. Just nosy about my life, kids, hubs, etc.

I wish I was one of those people who really didn't give a rip, but it bugs me. Everyone wants to feel liked and accepted by their peers, even if one is not in high school anymore...

You do have a lot going on, I understand your funk. But it will get easier. Tiaras and al-key-hol. That's the stuff. Also? You always have your blog buds :)

January 7, 2010 at 7:51 AM  
Blogger Masala Chica said...

I heart Stone Fox.

January 7, 2010 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

I know what you mean about friendships of convenience. !

January 7, 2010 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Meg @ Higgins Happenings said...

I hope things start looking up for you - theres a lot of positives for NC and you need to try to focus on those. Moving forward with your life - try to make the best of it in the present moment. The past is the past and you can't bring it back unfortunatly. Try to stay optimistic, I know you will get out of this funk - we all go through it! Just try to wear your smile & remember that this move was the BEST for your family.

Ps. I'll bring chips & dip to the Pity Party! I make a hella good batch of routelle! Cool?

January 7, 2010 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

LOL I read Stone's comment on your last post and laughed. I'm glad you liked it too.

I honestly have no excuse for this, seeing as we've lived in the same town/house for 6 years now, but I don't have close friends where we live either. I know how hard it can be. (HUGS)

January 7, 2010 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

I would come hang with you but I can't have the cake or the cheesy poofs. Hell, the wine is even a bad idea. :(

Damn, now I am depressed.

January 7, 2010 at 8:47 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Ahhh teh dreaded cross country move.. I live in the middle of my hometown which is still in the middle of BFE and I so feel ya. Ya know picking up a phone and talking to someone can sometimes help... Ihave free long distance lol AND I am a night owl.. ya know what can I move in ith you cause I love that view lol...

January 7, 2010 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger Foursons said...

I love Stone Fox- she is a hoot! I'm sorry things are so rough right now, I hope it gets better soon.

January 7, 2010 at 9:18 AM  
Blogger Pale said...

Ech. Moving is hard, and not just the logistical stuff.

I've been through three major moves ... one of them very positive, like yours (as in, it was good for me, I was more than glad to go, the location was a big improvement). My oldest BFF dropped my jaw when he observed, "Oh ... you ~always~ get depressed when you move." !!!

Even though it might seem more than obvious in retrospect, at the time he said this, I was not consciously aware of this fact about myself/my history, which he tossed lightly out there as casually as you might say, "The sky is up." Perhaps I was too busy with all the action to notice the state I was in. Everything that goes into a move and settling in (a long damn process) is pretty distracting.

Two of my big moves were against my wishes ... better for others than for me, but necessary. I'm sure that made the adjustment much worse. On bad days, I'm still bitter about where I live now and what it cost me to come here.

You broke my heart a little with the observation about the convenience friendships. Ouch.

Hang in there. I think you are right to go with the grief (it is a kind of grief). Everytime I've done that ... I am always pleasantly surprised that it leaves sooner than I ever imagined it would.

Best wishes for the new year. (Your beachfront looks to-die-for.)

January 7, 2010 at 9:58 AM  
Blogger Secret Mom Thoughts said...

I know what you mean about friendships of convenience. I miss the friendships I had in college and high school.

January 7, 2010 at 10:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im not sure how I will look in a tiara, but if it helps make you feel better, I will give one a go...lol

January 7, 2010 at 10:25 AM  
Blogger Desert Rose said...

Hope it's an easy trek outta you're funk...you'll give us something to look forward to if you post pics of your pity party!

January 7, 2010 at 10:36 AM  
Blogger Hoity Toity Baby said...

I know how you feel! Except I am living in a place where I want to throw a tempertantrum every single f~ing day! Not one of my family memebers lives in the state of florida! However, I am surrounded by my husband's family! So your pitty party sounds just about right for me! I'll join you!

January 7, 2010 at 10:48 AM  
Blogger MommyLovesStilettos said...


Hang in there sweets. We all have our moments like this and you are entitled!!

January 7, 2010 at 10:49 AM  
Blogger Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

Having figured out some reasons why there is a funk seems to be a good start. I hope things improve for you soon.

January 7, 2010 at 10:58 AM  
Blogger Sarahviz said...

Oh honey. That stinks. It will get better! Hang in there.

January 7, 2010 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I get to wear a tiara and eat cake...I'm so there.
I have been having feelings like this lately. I'm only an hour away from home since I married Britt but it seems like hourS sometimes. I'm with boys (like you) all the time and need some GF time.

....I get to wear the sash next time.

January 7, 2010 at 11:57 AM  
Blogger Ducky said...

Rarely is change easy.....almost always though it is good.

Take your pity party...its okay to have one. Then bounce back with on the next cycle of tides....

January 7, 2010 at 12:03 PM  
Blogger Liz Mays said...

Your situation kinda reminds me of when we moved here 10 years ago, except I didn't want to move here. I just knew it was the right thing to do. So I cried and cried and cried. I hate it here, always have and always will. But, after the first year or maybe even two, I came to terms with the fact that I'm here and I've adjusted to it. That opened me up to finding new friends and connections here instead of where we were. That helped a lot. (But if I could move tomorrow, I would)

January 7, 2010 at 12:07 PM  
Blogger MommyLisa said...

Ah! The pity party. I will bring some extra w(h)ine. Hee hee. You will be fine, and wait a couple of months there is bound to be a Target that moves into the neighborhood.

January 7, 2010 at 12:17 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Okay, I can't wear the sash but can I be the official hair holder when you drink yourself silly and have to excuse yourself to barf in the bathroom?!

I'm a good friend like that!

I too know a lot of motherbitches here in Maryland. Actually I think they are everywhere...its a cult, or so I am told.

January 7, 2010 at 12:38 PM  
Blogger Yankee Girl said...

I'll bring the wine to the party!

So sorry you are having a hard time. I cannot relate but will listen to you bitch and moan any time you want.

January 7, 2010 at 12:50 PM  
Blogger Margaret said...

That sucks but the party will be great!!!!!

January 7, 2010 at 1:32 PM  
Blogger mintifresh said...

I'm sorry your're down! It sounds like a wonderful place where you live-I would love it! But I do like having things close by, too. My friend moved to CA. a couple years ago and it took her a year or two to be settled and have good friends and then they had to move again and she had to go through it all over again. She did it faster in her new place but it is so hard to make those connections and what not. I hope the feeling of being isolated goes away soon for you! Plus, your pity party sounds like a blast! It's good to have those every once in a while, right?!

January 7, 2010 at 2:03 PM  
Blogger Taylor Stoddard said...

Reading this is making me think twice about our move to Missouri this year. At first we were talking about moving to the St. Louis area, where my BFF moved back to, but now hubby is talking about moving to the country... About an hour away from everything. An hour away is better than 32 hours away I suppose. (We're still discussing it.)

Hang in there! I hope things start looking up for you soon. :)

January 7, 2010 at 2:10 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Oh, I feel your pain. We moved about a year ago to a town where I don't know a soul. I immediately got pregnant and was VERY sick for the next 9 months. Then I had our baby. She's wonderful, but I only have 1-2 other friends who have kids ... and they live far away. No social life + recovering from a hard pregnancy and c-section = a little depressing. Thank goodness for new blogging buddies! And, I do love your blog! I hope things start to look up for you.

January 7, 2010 at 2:20 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Oh girl, give yourself a break!! Moving is hard on everyone. Don't be a martyr. Tell your DH that you need some time to yourself to read/soak in the bathtub/drink a bottle of wine/etc.

I hope it gets better soon. Hugs!

January 7, 2010 at 2:21 PM  
Blogger Twincerely,Olga said...

i feel Ya! I onced moved to N.C. with my hubby two little girls under two and my son in my tummy.It was hard in the beginning but you will find your pace.I just got out to the mall and walked and met some people.That was 20+ years ago.but it will get better!! I would love to hang with you at the beach!!! Hugs!!

January 7, 2010 at 2:30 PM  
Blogger Tami G said...

can I live there with you??? I'll be your BFF! :) picture is beautiful!

seriously though.....my BF does not understand that sometimes the BEST therapy is a BIG OL' pity party. Dont' try to make me feel better, in fact, don't say anything. Just give me a day to pout and cry and complain as much as I want to....and then tomorrow - i'll be JUST fine :)

Break out the streamers girl......have you a big ol' party... you will feel better. :) Let me know when it is...I'm ALWAYS up for a good pity (therapy) party! HA

January 7, 2010 at 2:39 PM  
Blogger {Kimber} said...

I'm sorry you're in a funk...those suck
and I love Stone Fox
and the awesome new word: MOTHERBITCHES!!

January 7, 2010 at 2:55 PM  
Blogger Working Mommy said...

You'll get there!!! Keep your head up!


January 7, 2010 at 3:59 PM  
Blogger RainSplats said...

tis the season, right? Count me in.

January 7, 2010 at 5:11 PM  
Blogger Ams said...

Moving is so hard, meeting people is even harder especially when you have little monkey's running around the house. (I have three myself so I am totally getting it!)
I hope things start looking up... I think they will!
Your view is amazing btw, gorgeous :)

January 7, 2010 at 5:18 PM  
Blogger Tina said...

Wow just reading your post made me feel all of your emotions. Sorry you are going through this. It really does stink to feel alone. I feel that way sometimes and I am surrounded by family and friends.

Sometimes it feels good to have a pity party...so go ahead and have one..I am right there with you!

January 7, 2010 at 7:45 PM  
Blogger Kiera said...

wow, there's a lot i want to say about that whole post, but the things that i remember are a) beautiful new home b) we moved just 20 minutes from where we were and it was an adjustment. kudos to you for taking the plunge c) my hub is not home for dinner either- it's a little confusing! try to still keep it normal, though d) pants not fitting- oh, pants not fitting. I am a registered weight watchers lady. and it's working. and im getting smaller sizes e) pout, baby, pout. you here it all day long, you should get a day (or three) to too!

January 7, 2010 at 8:59 PM  
Blogger Elle said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog today! The anticipated loneliness is one of the reasons that, despite my loathing of MN winter, I cannot move out of state. I can understand why that would get you down...it's important to have those dependable friends around to steal you away from your life for a moment here and there--everyone needs a break once in a while!

Stone Fox's pity party sounds completely awesome. I'm in!!! If there's anything I can bring, let me know...in the mean time, I'm going to settle into the corner with a bowl of cheezy poofs and a GIANT slice of cake! ;-)

January 7, 2010 at 9:00 PM  
Blogger Jessica {Team Rasler} said...

Oh, I need a sash and tiara and big poutyface cake for my party here. I feel ya big time. Even after five years here, I still miss my home and my closer friends from college. It does get easier, though...I have one friend here who fills in as family as often as she can. But the friendships of convenience! Since I went on maternity leave my world of "friends" here has shrunk considerably. And every time I go back to my real home for a visit and then come here, I spend the first week having a big old pity party for myself. So count me in for yours, and I'll invite you to my next one! Thank goodness for sympathetic souls out here in Blogland so I don't feel so alone and crazy.

January 7, 2010 at 11:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

feels good to get it all sorted out in your head huh, mama? I'm glad. :)

January 8, 2010 at 12:09 AM  
Blogger Julia said...

I hate those days even more when I know I have so many blessings but I cant stop being a grouch! Sometimes putting on fun music really loud helps me out of it.

January 8, 2010 at 1:33 AM  
Blogger Alexis AKA MOM said...

I have those days too and boy do I know you about the friends. Heck I haven't moved just changed jobs, now working from home so I'm not out there as much. But hello can you still return my calls , send an email anything?

I'm sorry that you have to go threw everything again for Bear.

The gym will come sounds like at least it's nice to have hubs home, I would kill for Rick to be home for dinner. It's amazing what that can do for a family.

If you ever need to chat, send over an email. I'm a good fb commenter too :)

January 8, 2010 at 2:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sometimes you just need to have yourself one. Just don't stay there too long chica, its not good for you.

January 8, 2010 at 2:16 AM  
Blogger Lifeofkaylen said...

If you were my FB friend, I would "like" your status EVERY day!!!!!!!
I wore the sash last month, so you can have it this time. But don't get attached-eventually you have to pass it on!

And your deck and view is AMAZING!!!!!!

January 8, 2010 at 2:21 AM  
Blogger Matt5verse6 said...

What a beautiful picture! I feel relaxed just looking at it... :) Dropping by from SITS to say, "hello". I can relate to how you feel thinking someone (or a few someones) are friends and then finding out they're only there when it's convenient. :( Grrrr, frustrating. :( Anyway, it's nice to "meet" you. Happy Friday and best wishes in the new year.

Kindest regards,

January 8, 2010 at 12:02 PM  
Blogger Corrie Howe said...

It is natural to go through a grief cycle, even if what you have is better than what you left. I went through the same thing when I left my job, married my husband, and moved to the end of the world (or just 16 miles short of it). Then I got pregnant right away...it took me about a year before all the grief cycle caught up with me. I did find a wonderful friend out of that time. Then when she moved, I found myself in the same cycle for about a year. Now I have bloggy friends. ;-)

January 8, 2010 at 1:17 PM  
Blogger The Princess of Sarcasm said...

Just hang on! It will get easier. I swear!

January 8, 2010 at 3:00 PM  
Blogger Tracie said...

Clearly Stone Fox is a genius.

January 9, 2010 at 10:11 PM  

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