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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: I Miss My Friends

Please Note: this is Pour Your Heart Out. If you are looking for the Magic Moments linky where you can win a $400 Canon Camera or one of three $50 gift cards, you can find that HERE.

Welcome to Pour Your Heart Out- if you need more info on how to participate, check out THIS post. But it's personal- it's what YOU think is pouring your heart out. Please grab the PYHO button or link back in your post if you are participating.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)


I keep thinking that we just moved back here to NC. But, the reality is that we've been here for almost two years.

When we first moved back, I was really trying to get to know people here. We weren't right back where we had lived before. I joined moms' groups. None of that really went all that well, but I was trying.

Then, after 6 months, we moved towns and were back where we lived the last time we lived in NC. I had friends here before... but some have moved away and others are just busy: they are teacher friends of mine who are still teaching.

I've tried Bible Study, joining the gym, and moms' groups. My kids are in soccer... but when you have three kids in three different places during practice, it's not like you get to talk to anyone for more than a minute or two.

Hubs has his friends because this is where he grew up. This is a weird town where you have your locals who seem to love to reminisce about high school... and of course I wasn't here then. And then you have your military wives... and while I was friends with some when I was teaching, it seems that the ones that I am meeting who are sahm/wahm are NOT interested in someone who isn't a military wife.

And so, here I am: not local, not military. I don't fit into either group.

And I miss my friends.

I miss my Margarita Girls: our kids used to have playdates back before they were old enough to be in school. After preschool got in the way of easy playdates, we still managed to have monthly nights' out, usually with cheap margaritas, plenty of venting, gossiping, and supporting each other.

I miss my friend Jen. We ran the moms' group at our church and were bonded by all the craziness that goes along with running a group of 100+ women.

I miss my friend Angie. We'd been friends since we were four years old. Though we lost touch at different points during our lives, we always managed to come back together and pick up where we left off as if no time had past. She is the type of friend that I could just randomly stop in at her house with no notice and our boys played well together while we could chat for hours.

I miss my friend T.(his real name, I'm not just being a punk and not sharing his name) He was my best friend in college and we were always there for each other. I miss the way that he could always tease me out of a bad mood. And the way that he was always a straight-shooter with me.

I miss my brothers and their families. My family may be extremely dysfunctional when it comes to my parents, but my brothers and I have been through it all together. I miss seeing my older brother's kids growing and hanging out with my fabulous sils, too.

Here, I have my boys and my husband.  My boys are wonderful and I love my husband so much.

But, I'm still lonely.

Thank God for blogs, twitter, email, and skype, right? Thanks to all of you who make my life a little less lonely. Want to come move to my neighborhood?



Blogger Adrienne said...

Oh Shell! Sending a huge hug! I wish I was in NC right now. I'd drop by, pick you up, and go for margarita! (which would be really fun, b/c it's 7:30 in the morning.) Thank God for blogs, and so forth. I miss my friends too. They're wonderful, but we don't get a chance to get together very much.

September 14, 2011 at 7:30 AM  
Blogger Christine Siracusa said...

Oh honey it is SO HARD to make friends as an adult. So many factors have to line up. It just sucks. I think that may be one reason so many women blog. It has helped me, that's for sure. ((hugs))

September 14, 2011 at 7:34 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

We moved here 6 and a half years ago. It took years to "fit in" with others. I have never had a "Margarita Girls" group of friends. So, it would be wrong of me to expect those sort of friendships now.

I do have a few friends though. I met just about everyone of them through soccer. I guess that is our bond. In essence, I guest I used my kids to build these relationships.

September 14, 2011 at 7:34 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

There are several houses for sale near me :) just think how much fun we would have

September 14, 2011 at 7:37 AM  
Anonymous @katefineske said...

I have been there too... and I remember that feeling of loneliness. When I left work 9 years ago to become a "full-time" mom, the hardest part was leaving my work friends because it always takes me a while to re-build my network of friends. I make acquaintances really easy, but I don't make "real friends" nearly as easily.

I wish Twitter and Facebook were around then and that I had known about blogging back then... But hindsight is always 20/20. Look ahead and keep trying - that's what I do... I fully believe that those great friendships can still be built and are out there. And in believing that, it has lead me to some great new friendships.

September 14, 2011 at 7:37 AM  
Anonymous A Mother's Thoughts said...

I ABSOLUTELY know how you feel! I wrote the same kind of post http://www.amothersthoughts.com/2009/12/i-miss-my-best-friend/ My girlfriends have all moved away. Moved on with their lives and careers. Me I stayed close to home (not ambitious enough to want to leave my family for money), to build a family. So now when I go for a drive or a walk with my children, there is still something missing......my girlfriends! I hope that your loneliness can be forefilled and that your mind can be at ease!! Because I know how much our girlfriends mean to us!!

Lynn :)

September 14, 2011 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I think once you get past that first job or two, it suddenly becomes much harder to make friends. I totally know what you mean!

September 14, 2011 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger The Mommyologist said...

I know how you feel...that is how I felt living in Denver right after R was born. You don't realize how important having good friends is until you don't have them around anymore.

Fingers crossed that you meet some nice people soon!


September 14, 2011 at 7:44 AM  
Anonymous Galii Breen said...

I can so, so relate to this Shell! I won't even tell you how long we've been here and I still say, "We're new here!"

September 14, 2011 at 7:47 AM  
Blogger Tara R. said...

I can really relate to this. We moved from Tennessee to Florida, away from family, friends, everything. It's hard to make and keep friends in a small town. If it weren't for the friends I've made online, it would be very lonely here.

September 14, 2011 at 7:50 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

Although I have lived where I do now for quite a long time, most of my friends are far enough away that we rarely get together. I try but it seems that everyone has so much going on that we can't agree on a time and then just let it go and go way too long without seeing each other.

I read somewhere once that it becomes harder and harder to made real, lasting connections and friendship as we get older and I have definitely found that to be true.

I would be out of my mind without blogging friends!

September 14, 2011 at 7:54 AM  
Blogger Alison@Mama Wants This said...

All of my best girl friends are living in different countries, too far for us to visit frequently. Now my friends? Are all online folks.

I do hope you'll find a new tribe soon! In the meantime, you have us. :)

September 14, 2011 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger Big D and Me said...

I am so glad you wrote this - I am struggling with this right now - we only moved 20 minutes away but trying to make new friends here has been so tough. Plus, my other friends act like I moved across country. Completely understand.

September 14, 2011 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger vinobaby said...

Hugs to you! I understand. I'm lonely most of the time too. My friends have always moved with my stage in life and not followed: college friends scattered, single friends didn't stick around once I married, work friends didn't relate once I became a SAHM. And now that Kiddo is in school, my playgroup friends are dissappearing since I don't spend my mornings at the playground talking about diapers.

Too bad we can't have a real-life neighborhood full of bloggers and writers--that would be a dream!

Hang in there.

September 14, 2011 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

I know I've said it before, but I understand. I'm not good at making friends. I have tons and tons of acquaintances, and coworkers, but when it comes to real friends, I don't have many of those at all. And the few I do have, well, they live at least an hour away. I've never had that "drop by anytime" or girls-night-out (or in) type of relationship with anyone and it makes me sad.

We need to skype and have a glass of wine together one of these days!

September 14, 2011 at 8:05 AM  
Blogger Anastasia said...

I know how you feel. I love that my husband is my best friend, but I can't vent about him to him. Its frustrating sometimes.

September 14, 2011 at 8:08 AM  
Blogger Brittney said...

oh shell I can totally relate to this. I havent moved and all my friends are still around but after i got married and had Bailey they disappeared and it can get it incredibly lonely at times. ((hugs)) id so move to ur neighborhood to hang with you!

September 14, 2011 at 8:08 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I also live in NC; Wilmington Native, its the only town that I knew. I grew up there, all my friends are there, you can ask me the quickest way to get somewhere, and I could tell you with no hesitation in my voice. Then, last month...we moved to Hope Mills, NC, right outside of Fayetteville. Two hours away from everyone and everything that I have ever known. Kids have adjusted well...but me...no..I am not a military wife, and like you, they have shown no interest in getting to know me. I am home all by myself everyday, since hubby is at work, kids are in school. So I stay busy with cleaning, reading blogs, on facebook/twitter...its very lonely.

Definitely not alone.

September 14, 2011 at 8:15 AM  
Blogger A Mommy in the City said...

I'd love to come and live in your neighborhood, just to give you a big hug. I sometimes feel the same way living here in NYC. Although I love the city, I miss my friends and family in Tampa. I keep hoping it will get better with time.

September 14, 2011 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger angela said...

Oh, I would absolutely come be your friend!

Ryan and I talk about moving sometimes, but this is one of the things that worries us. I've had good luck with my moms' club, and thankfully both of us have a couple of friends that haven't moved away (we live about 20 minutes from where we grew up.) Plus, our families are here. It's a tough choice between staying and going sometimes :(

September 14, 2011 at 8:22 AM  
Blogger Di said...

We've lived in our town for 4 years now and I'm still struggling to make friends. I keep hoping that Jellybean getting older and being more involved in activities will lead to friends but so far that hasn't happened. I hate it!

September 14, 2011 at 8:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally hear you. I've been struggling a lot with some intense loneliness this summer after a move nearly two years ago. I literally had exhausted all possible ways to meet people. And I've gone WAY out of my comfort zone to try to connect. But this past week, I've had two new moms approach me at open gym and yoga and initiate (gasp) a get together. So things are on a hopeful swing again. For the moment. Hang in there! I am working to be at peace with my lonely times as well as my times when I appreciate the freedom that a little emotional space can bring. Everything changes, and friends will find you:) (At least, that's what I tell myself!)

September 14, 2011 at 8:33 AM  
Blogger Jackie said...

Oh Shell, I get what you mean! It's so hard to find your niche. The search for "mommy friends", the equilvant of dating. For me, it started the moment I moved two years ago, like you a former teacher but also a new SAHM with a baby on the way. It took me a full year before I met ONE true friend here. We joke that even though we've only been friends for a year, it feels like so much longer. I wish you the same: One good friend to make life easier in that new(er) town. HUGS!

September 14, 2011 at 8:41 AM  
Anonymous Denise said...

It is tough for me to make friends so I totally understand. The girls I grew up with are just far enough away that I don't see them often but some get to see each other a lot and I feel left out. I've made some over the years here but it was hard to feel the connection for a while. Social media is so weird. I instantly feel some connections with folks even though I don't really know them. Thank goodness for that! And thank goodness for you and your beautiful words!

September 14, 2011 at 8:42 AM  
Blogger Dawna said...

Awww. BIG hugs to you, Shell. I can SO relate. I've been feeling that way myself this week. The friends that I made shortly after we moved here have all moved (military spouses). I am happy to have friends that are connected to the military and not.

Our new next door neighbors are looking promising, though... :-)

MORE big hugs to ya, lady!

September 14, 2011 at 8:44 AM  
Blogger Eternal Lizdom said...


September 14, 2011 at 8:44 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

Heck ya I'll move to your neighborhood! You're awesome and you live close to the beach. :)

But seriously, I know how you feel. Except I'm the one who stayed while most of my friends have moved on. I miss them.

September 14, 2011 at 8:58 AM  
Blogger ModernMom said...

It is so hard as an adult to find the right fit of friends!! Sending hugs to my twitter twin. If we lived closer I would pop right over and leave a coffee on your door step xoxo

September 14, 2011 at 9:03 AM  
Anonymous Mandi @ My Perfect Mess said...

I definitely understand. My husband has friends in this city but I'm from Texas. It took almost three years before I started making good friends and even then... they aren't best friends. But if I'm here long enough I know we could grow to be best friends. However, we are moving in January so we'll be starting all over.
If I lived in your neighborhood I would hang out with you! (And go drink a margarita too!)

September 14, 2011 at 9:06 AM  
Blogger Joanna said...

Heck yes! I'm at yet another stage of just me, myself, and I doing the daily grind with all guys who just don't get it. Some days I think I suffer from insanity and other days I think I might enjoy it. :}

September 14, 2011 at 9:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We live near where The Wife grew up, and her job keeps her constantly meeting new people and being out for work. Me? Well, I'm 4 states and a 15 hour drive from where I grew up, and the only person I ever go out with is my neighbor, usually after both of our kids are in bed, and almost always just to the second-run cinema. Once, maybe twice a month. Honestly, though, I don't want to go out and do stuff. I have my game systems, my computers, my home renovations, my writing, and my freelance copyediting to take all my time up. I'm not one of the party people, and I do better in smaller situations. That's not to say I can't fake it, but when push comes to shove, I'd rather be alone.

September 14, 2011 at 9:11 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Sorry! I know how you feel. I found new friends through MOPS, but it took me 2 years to do it. It can be lonely, but it also just takes one person to change everything. Thank goodness for blogs is right. Sometimes I think mine saved my life ... or at least my sanity.

September 14, 2011 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger Ally said...

I feel your pain more than you know! I have relocated twice within the past ten years. First I moved from the exciting hustle and bustle of Manhattan to a sleepy country town in NJ to be with my husband - he was born and raised there. I met lots of different women online and started a small networking group. We all liked offbeat music and art and had creative professions. I had ZERO in common with my husband's friends wives who were not friendly and not welcoming. Within a few years I had more friends in NJ than I did in my own hometown are on LI, NY. Now, I am feeling your pain. We moved to FL in Feb. and for the very first time, I have no friends. Not one. nobody to run to Starbucks with. Nobody to get a manicure with. Nobody. I'm close to my family and they're all back in NY. I've met a few women but they are all looking to party every night. It's crazy?? I gave that up when I was in my 20s. We have nothing in common. Without babies, I can't meet moms at the school or kid-related groups. Like you, I've joined a gym and now I am volunteering - we even joined a NYers in Tampa Bay group and are going to our first group dinner this weekend. I have a feeling the folks are all in their 60s though (based on their FB photos) and we're in our late 30s. But hell, I'll take it at this point.

I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I miss my family so very much. They are all so far away. My dad is here but he has a very active life. I have an aunt, uncle and cousins who live down here - they too are very active and unavailable which I understand. Ironically though, I was close to my relatives back in NY and they were really into getting together for breakfast on Sundays or meeting up for dinner randomly, etc. So I'm actually used to seeing my relatives often. Feels weird to only get together on holidays when we live 20 minutes away.

For a good laugh, check out the platonic activity pals on Craigslist. They are all looking for people to get drunk with, do drugs with or get kinky with. Pathetic. Sometimes you will see a nice ad from someone looking for a walking partner or gym buddy.

Sorry this is so long - I had to get that out. Thanks so much for listening. Hopefully it will get better for us, it has to.

September 14, 2011 at 9:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally get where you're coming from. My husband's job was relocated from Oregon to North Carolina three years ago and I've been unemployed since our arrival.

We do not have children and neither of us are particularly religious and seems most of the socializing in my areas revolves around Church activities and being a non-Southerner, I really feel like an outsider.

I think it's difficult for adults to make friends (not acquaintances) since we're at a point in our lives where superficial pleasantries hold no, or very little, water. It can take years to make friends and as mobile, stubborn adults, we may not be in one location for that long.

I hope it gets better for you. You sound like a lovely person and I'll be reading your blog with regularity.

September 14, 2011 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger Clare said...

Oh girl, I feel for you! I moved here three years ago and my husband and I knew no one. Sure, I met plenty of people who were nice and friendly, but it's all about meeting that few special friends that you just "click" with. You know? The ones you want to tell your deepest darkest secrets to? Vent to? Someone that you just KNOW is a kindred spirit, and "your" kind of gal? It was slow going at first, but fortunately I found my tribe! It can be frustrating, because it's a lot like dating! I really had to throw myself out there and initiate a Girl's Night Out if I met someone or two that I thought would be fun. Most of my best friends now are from my kids' school!

You seem like such a warm, caring person! Your "tribe" is waiting for you - hope you find them soon! :)

September 14, 2011 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I get lonely for local friends. Sometimes I realize that I have lots and lots of online friends that I could hang out with if they lived close, but not so many local friends. It kind of sucks.

September 14, 2011 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

I moved to Memphis almost two years ago and I've still yet to really make any local friends. The people I have met are more of acquaintances -- parents of the children my kids want to hang out with. It's hard! I have some amazing, wonderful, fabulous girlfriends -- but they're all hours away. And that sucks! I would give anything to be able to find just ONE person like that here locally. So I feel ya on that one, Mama. I feel ya!

September 14, 2011 at 9:40 AM  
Blogger Krista @ Not Mommy of the Year said...

Yes, blogging, Twitter and Skype is a great way to not lose your mind and feel connected to friends. But still, those half price margarittas or $.25 wing nights? I miss those too. I heard people talk about how hard it was to have "friends" after you had a family. I didn't get it then. I do now. It's not that it's not good. It's just not the same.

September 14, 2011 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Victoria said...

* tears * I so get it!

September 14, 2011 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I feel the same, we have moved away from where I grew up and I have never found the right fit here. I have come across enough moms that I had thought I would find somewhere I feel like I belong but it hasn't happened yet. Sending hugs.

September 14, 2011 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger Christa aka The BabbyMama said...

Making friends is SO hard. I remember a friend who moved to a new state had to work hard at it, with more misses than hits. It was like she was dating! It really was. And I think in the end she only made one really good friend, but sometimes that's enough. Sometimes it has to be. Keep looking!

September 14, 2011 at 9:57 AM  
Blogger JamieAnne of A Dash of Domestic said...

I can totally relate. We moved to our current city 8 years ago, from the city I grew up in. It's harder to make friends as an adult it seems. I've made a few friends, but it's just not the same. I feel a bit like a square peg.


September 14, 2011 at 10:03 AM  
Blogger Barbara said...

Big hugs! I feel like I could have written this myself. I moved to a different country for my husband and not only did I not speak the language but I had/have no friends. The few friends I make are also American here for a short while, and after I feel like "finally" I have friends - they go back home. Thank God for blogging friends! ;)

September 14, 2011 at 10:24 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

None of my friends really have kids. I miss them.

September 14, 2011 at 10:27 AM  
Blogger Kim @ Mamas Monologues said...

All of my friends live in my computer. I found them all through blogging and twitter. I love the friendships I have here, but I miss having someone in person to talk to or hang out with. I can so relate to this. Sending you hugs!

September 14, 2011 at 10:30 AM  
Blogger AB HOME Interiors said...

I totally get what you are feeling. I live in Nashville and I was shocked to see how difficult it was to make friends here. All very cliquey if you know what I mean. So thank god for blogs and family!

September 14, 2011 at 10:34 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

I'm sending hugs your way! We just moved far away from our families and friends, and found out it is hard to make friends as adults. But someone will show up, someone who is probably feeling lonely right now too.

September 14, 2011 at 10:35 AM  
Blogger livingsj77 said...

I'm sorry Shell. It's so hard to make new friends. I have the same problem. When I do meet someone at the playground or some other "mom" place I'm busy keeping an eye on the 4 yo and making sure the baby doesn't throw himself from a slide.

So, I have a lot of family and friends in NC. They have a lot of friends. If you want to tell me where abouts you live - privately - maybe someone's nearby.

September 14, 2011 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger Lourie said...

I was a military wife (he's retired now) for years and never felt like I fit in as he was not Army. I think that is sad. Like it is some secret society. And yes, thank goodness for blogs, FB, Twitter and skype.

September 14, 2011 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger Stasha said...

Lots of military here too... And I have noticed that if you aren't military in some way? You get the cold shoulder.

I know how you feel, Mama.

I have Kaylee and Randall. And that is it.

My social life? Twitter.


I would so move into your neighborhood and be friends with you!

September 14, 2011 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger finallyMom@blogspot.com said...

Oh Shell, I totally hear you. And I live in the same area as I always have! :( Thank god for the internet!

September 14, 2011 at 10:56 AM  
Blogger Kristina P. said...

My MIL really wants us to move to Missouri. There are many reasons why we wouldn't, but one of them is that my life is here. I'm not super close with my family, but I have a lot of girlfriends. There's also an amazing blogging community here, and I've met a lot of great women through social media.

September 14, 2011 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger Missy said...

I understand. I have a friend who moved to CA a few years ago and I miss her so much. She's not an emailer, twitterer, FBer or blogger either, so we really don't talk hardly at all. It makes me ache with sadness sometimes. I understand.

September 14, 2011 at 11:16 AM  
Anonymous Robin | Farewell, Stranger said...

I'm sure that's so hard. I would love to come and hang out with you.

September 14, 2011 at 11:20 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

Ah girl, sending you a great big hug! I completely understand the feeling of lonliness. I felt like that for a few years. I have a group of 5 friends (from MOPS) and we still do dinners usually once a month. My BF and I get together once a month...and I have coffee with a friend once a month too. It's tough though. I am with you, thank goodness for friendships online! :) love ya girl!

September 14, 2011 at 11:31 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

Come to my neighborhood!!! I'm right there with you. My work friends don't have kids. My "kid" friends don't have work. And no one wants to invite us anywhere because they think we are "too busy" or stressed or whatever... and can't be bothered. SUCKS. I feel lonely too. I love how you say what I feel.

September 14, 2011 at 11:35 AM  
Blogger Courtney K. said...

Oh girl. I'm so sorry. And that really upsets me that the military wives in your town don't want to be friends because you aren't military. How rude! I would totally be your friend if I was there!! There's a possibility that we'll be moving to NC when we leave here, so if we end up in the same place, then I am 100% down for doing anything involving margaritas!! On a serious note, though...you aren't alone. I have some of the same issues and it's not easy. HUGS!

September 14, 2011 at 11:47 AM  
Anonymous Amanda said...

I feel your pain! I moved my family back to my home town two years ago and even though I grew up here things just don't fit the same. It is like being an awkward high schooler all over again :( Thankfully I still visit the town we lived in before (every few months) and keep in touch via the web, etc. Good luck in your quest for "local" friendship!

September 14, 2011 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger Mama Zen said...

I know exactly what you mean!

September 14, 2011 at 12:13 PM  
Blogger Joann Mannix said...

I would love to live around the corner from you. Like I've said a hundred times over, we would just so fit. My girls could be your babysitters and you could come over and drink wine.

I know exactly how you feel. Our first home was in a podunk country town. We lived there for five years and for every single one of those years, I felt like a complete outsider. It was one of those towns where if you hadn't grown up there, you weren't going to be invited in. I tried so hard, joining the playgroup at our church, chatting up other moms at the playground, but I was never able to make a single, solid friendship in those years. It was a lonely time and when you're at home with little ones, friendships are so vital.

I'm sorry. Maybe soccer will help? In the meantime, you've always got a huge group of friends here in your other real life.

September 14, 2011 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

I have friends through JDaniel's playgroup and we used to get together often. Now that our kids are in school it is harder. We all seem so busy.

September 14, 2011 at 12:34 PM  
Blogger Andrea (ace1028) said...

Oh, G-d, Shell, how I DO. I know. I totally know. I miss that sort of stuff, too, but in a different way as we moved pre-parenthood. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I know. I so know. :( {{Hugs}}

September 14, 2011 at 12:40 PM  
Blogger Rach (DonutsMama) said...

I was just tweeting about this topic. This weekend I got together with my girlfriends for a night out. We hardly get to see each other since we all live so far away. I miss them a ton b/c really, since being a SAHM, I find myself kind of lonely. I've tried reaching out to other moms and I just don't seem to click with them for whatever reason. It's very lonely. That's why I love Twitter and blogging too.

September 14, 2011 at 12:43 PM  
Blogger Not a Perfect Mom said...

It is so hard to make friends as an adult...
Eric and I have thought of moving, but that's one of the reasons we haven't...I'm scared...
And I know this is probably the wrong thing to say, but I feel so badly for you, I know what it's like to be lonely...

September 14, 2011 at 12:59 PM  
Anonymous Skye Diaz | motherhood, etc. said...

Shell, I can so relate to this. I was raised here in BC, Canada where I have MANY friends back in the day but I moved away to Chicago for nine years. Then I returned home now for 5 years and I hardly have any friends here. Even the friends I do have here, they are so busy I hardly see them. Making new friends? SO HARD. Just because my own life is hard with my two small girls, I hardly even get out. At least you have your online friends... I have yet to make some of those. :) I'll be moving again next year back to the US, but in a new city... so I'm sure my list of friends won't be growing too soon. {{{hugs}}}

September 14, 2011 at 12:59 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I know what you mean...even though I've try to make new mommy friends it isn't quite the same. I feel like it's harder to make those same close connections as we get older...don't know what it is...maybe being busy and having kids? I guess life changes as we get older.

September 14, 2011 at 1:06 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

I know exactly how you feel because I'm in the same place. We just moved half way across the country in July and I miss my friends too.

September 14, 2011 at 1:15 PM  
Blogger Joy Taylor said...

I feel the same way you do. I've lived in Chicago now for a year and a half now and I don't like it. I don't have anyone here except for my hubby. And it is a good thing he likes me! lol!

September 14, 2011 at 1:22 PM  
Blogger The Mommy Therapy said...

Shell! I wish you lived in my neighborhood, I'm fairly confident we would be fast friends.

I am so sorry you feel lonely, that is so difficult. Friendships at our age are vital, but challenging to cultivate due to all the time we spend devoting to the kids, the husband, the house.

I hope you find someone to connect with and have your girl time with soon. If you are ever up for a trip to Austin, I'd be delighted to have drinks with you!

September 14, 2011 at 1:47 PM  
Blogger Emmy said...

The sad thing is there are so many of us out there that feel this way--why can't we just all admit it and get together and play together nice.
Since moving a have found a group of friends that I talk with and have fun with when we are together- but definitely don't have a best friend that I feel I can talk with about anything here... I miss that.

September 14, 2011 at 2:08 PM  
Blogger January Dawn said...

It SUUUCKS. I know. I have been in this city for 3 years now and though I have great neighbours it's not the same as wanting to have a really fun night out regularly with your girlfriends that have known you for years. It's so true what all of these amazing women are saying here...at least we have twitter and the blogosphere. Sometimes I feel closer to you ladies than anyone else lately...is that sad? I don't care...it's true. There are so many woman that I've 'met' through blogging that I hope to meet IRL someday.

September 14, 2011 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger Renee said...

Awe...isn't it weird how motherhood can fulfill us in so many ways but leave us so empty in others?

Maintaining friendships are hard. You are wonderful and anyone lucky enough to have had you as a friend is blessed.

September 14, 2011 at 2:33 PM  
Blogger mamamash said...

I'm right there with ya sister. I had such a close group of people back in Texas that moving to KC and having zero friends was shocking. So I made some new friends, but then had a baby, so I had to find mom friends instead. (No one tells you that's going to happen. It sucks.)

I am so thankful for blogging and Twitter.

September 14, 2011 at 2:45 PM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

My BFF move to South Carolina 2 years ago--I wish you were closer so you could meet!

September 14, 2011 at 3:08 PM  
Blogger KSK said...

:( It's so hard when you don't have somebody that has a history with you!
I live in a town that has 3 of my husbands best friends in.. which is okay--but I need some girl talk too.. and one of them is married - but she's.... (I'm thinking of starting a new blog so I can vent about her!)
I was a military wife.. and that is a different breed of people - we did seem to stick together... however, I worked and could talk to some of those ladies too.. which was nice!
I feel for you! (((HUGS)))

September 14, 2011 at 3:12 PM  
Blogger Ms Bibi said...

I am so sorry, but I know exactly how you feel. I've been in our small town for 10 years now and lots of times I still feel alone and lonely. I have 1 best friend with a very demanding job and befriending townies who knew each other from birth is very hard.Most f the time when I try to hang with moms from school or from after school activities they all know each other forever and always have the need talk about "the good old days".

September 14, 2011 at 3:42 PM  
Blogger Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] said...

Yes, I would love to move to your neighborhood actually lol. My MIL is begging us to move to NC, but it's just not the right time for us. :/

Now that I use the wheelchair all the time, I don't see a lot of my old friends. Some of them just don't "get" the fact that I can't go away without Ben until I have a better vehicle situation figured out. They think I'm ignoring them or just don't want to be bothered. Most of the women I would call my closest friends are ones I've met online now. Honestly? I'm okay with that. They love me for exactly who I am.

September 14, 2011 at 3:43 PM  
Blogger Mom of 12 said...

I'm so happy to be your blog friend! I have lots of friends, but only one that I am really close with, that I share secrets with, that kind of thing. Her oldest son and my autistic son were born within days of each other. We have been close for 20+ years. I don't know what I'd do if she weren't just down the street anymore.

September 14, 2011 at 4:16 PM  
Blogger Heather H said...

I live in my hometown, and I have been having trouble making friends because I lost touch with my high school friends. We have finally gotten a good circle of friends, but it took a long time and I think we had both given up.

Good luck! I hope you find some ladies who appreciate how awesome you are soon!

September 14, 2011 at 4:23 PM  
Blogger Jessica {Team Rasler} said...

It's like you're reading my mind today. I'm incredibly grateful for my life on the internet these days because my best friends IRL live too far away, and I haven't made many connections out here, despite having lived here a while now. I keep feeling like it's my fault and that I have to try harder, which is probably true. But I think it's also true that it's just harder as an adult with more than one small child and a part-time job. Anyway, sure wish I could move to your neighborhood or you to mine! : )

September 14, 2011 at 4:24 PM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

I'm sure so many women can relate. I know I can. I made a good group of friend when I moved down here, but then I transitioned back to work and it's hard to keep up. Now, I've started dating and my closest friend is less than supportive so we are drifting right now too. It's hard.

September 14, 2011 at 5:57 PM  
Blogger Afrodita said...

I know exactly how you feel. I'm from Mexico, moved to Vancouver,Canada. From a very active city since the weather cooperates to a very rainy-long-year city. I miss my friends and family and those comfortable "no-call" type of show at someones house and have an awesome time. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

My heart is with you. Thank God for internet.

-Mama and the City

September 14, 2011 at 6:25 PM  
Blogger Just Jennifer said...

I was just tweeting with @DonutsMama and MamasMonologues about this subject just this morning. They feel the same way.

When we relocated here to WA I joined the local chapter of the MOMS Club. We got a playgroup and my daughter and I both started making friends. We didn't click with everyone and there was some drama, but in the end, I came away with a few special friends whom I've had in my life for the past 8 years.

I am not an outgoing person, so this wasn't easy for me. Not only that, but I've got other issues like my eyes and Mark's health...but I met the right people who saw past all that and befriended me anyway.

So I'm convinced your friends are out there, you just haven't met them yet! Keep trying, Shell. I would LOVE to be your friend IRL!

September 14, 2011 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger Twins Squared said...

I hear you! I have not figured out where I fit in for a long time now. I actually live in my hometown and yet I still don't seem to click. I know the twin thing has held me back and now that I'm starting to make a few good friends their husbands are all being told their jobs have to move. Not fair! I'm lonely too. I don't really get it either. I'm really easy - going but I can never break through or something. I have wonderful friends in the Dallas area but it doesn't look like we will be moving there any time soon. Sigh. I miss my old friends too. Yes, it seems my cyberworld friends are often better friends than the people I see day in and day out. At least we all have each other!

September 14, 2011 at 7:28 PM  
Blogger Patrice said...

Being lonely is the worst feeling in the world especially when you're doing everything you can to NOT be lonely!

We moved about 10 years ago, and for the longest time my mom missed her GA friends so much and felt like she didn't have friends in TX, but eventually she made some really great friends! I hope that you will, too!!

Oh and I will totally move to your neighborhood! :) I love margaritas ;)

September 14, 2011 at 7:43 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Look at you adding pics to your posts!! Yay!

I wish I could live nearer to you! Heck, I just wish we could find more time to even skype once a week. I miss you!

September 14, 2011 at 8:23 PM  
Anonymous Making It Work Mom said...

I so envy the ease with which my children make friends. So easy, no agendas, just a common interest in having fun.

I wish adult woman could have it so easy. I have my little group now of friends. But even so it is still intimidating to be the one to put yourself out there to instigate plans. No one wants to get turned down.

September 14, 2011 at 8:32 PM  
Blogger bigguysmama said...

I miss my friends, too. I've been in MN for 13 yrs. I had a group of really close friends and we did a ton of stuff together. Now I see a couple of friends occasionally, but not enough to feel super connected. Not sure if it's because I'm in central, rural MN or what, but I have days where I feel utterly alone. My heart goes out to you!


September 14, 2011 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger Jayme said...

I feel the same way! When we first moved here, I had a bunch of friends. We got together all the time, but everyone's moved away.

Right now I'm stuck in this place with no one to do things with.

We should start our own monthly girls night.

September 14, 2011 at 9:30 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Aw, Shell...I'll totally move to your neighborhood.

So sorry you're lonely. I haven't had a girls' night out for ages, so I can really relate.

September 14, 2011 at 9:32 PM  
Blogger Stephanie in Suburbia said...

I so feel you on this! The thing is, I grew up near where I live now, but I moved away for jr high and half of high school. So I got back and made maybe 2 friends, but I didn't really hang out with a lot of people. When I returned here from Boston, I did keep those 2 friends but we've grown apart somewhat. And meeting new friends in this kind of environment is near impossible. Almost everyone I have met and hung out with has been from somewhere else. Otherwise, like you said, they all hang out with who they did in high school.

I don't have a solution. I wish I did so I could have more friends, too. I had to have my friend from Boston move in with us to get anyone to hang out with on any regular basis.

September 14, 2011 at 9:41 PM  
Blogger Jackie said...

Hugs!! I know exactly how you feel... I have my kids, husband, SIL, and then are a couple people at work that I talk to on occasion but it's not the same as having those close, true friends.

September 14, 2011 at 9:45 PM  
Blogger Rhiannon said...

I soooo wish I could move to your neighborhood!! But dont think that will happen... wanna move to my neighborhood? There's a house for sale?
I hear you, my life and friends have changed as well since having a child, I wouldnt trade it for the world but I do miss my friends.

September 14, 2011 at 10:04 PM  
Anonymous molly said...

Awww, shell. I completely understand. My PYHO post is about missing friendships too. I'm posting it tomorrow.

I think sometimes friendships ebb and flow. Whether those old friends come back into our lives there will always be new friends in the future. I am thankful for social media too. They are easy friendships right now, which if I'm being honest, is all I need ;)

September 14, 2011 at 10:14 PM  
Anonymous Yolanda (One Family Table) said...

I feel it too. Wholeheartedly. San Diego is a pretty transient place for most folks. Few people seem to actually "settle" here. I've had to say good bye to many people, making me wonder why I bother to invest in new friendships. But then again, we need to. We need people. It's just how we're made, right? It's a tough tension having to say goodbye or to be separate. Definitely thankful for some of the easier ways of keeping in touch nowadays!

September 15, 2011 at 1:52 AM  
Blogger Shawna said...

I totally agree. Thank goodness for Internet friends. I don't know where I'd be without them. And we keep moving. So thankfully, even if I have to keep giving up IRL friends, I still get to keep all my Internet friends! Yay. :) That's something, at least.

September 15, 2011 at 2:50 AM  
Blogger From Tracie said...

YES! I want to come move into your neighborhood (in a totally non-stalker-ish way) because I totally get what you are saying. We have lived here for four years now, and I'm still not really settled and friended and connected. Internet friends keep me sane.

September 15, 2011 at 2:53 AM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Hey! So I woke up this morning and had this feeing that I needed to check your blog. I don't read blogs on my phone so that was odd. And you mentioned me! That's so crazy!!! I definitely miss you too! I miss bouncing off ideas with you and commiserating over how stupid other people are. Lol. j/k. We never did that. Hope to catch you next time you're in town.

September 15, 2011 at 7:00 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

I am late commenting, but feedburner just delivered this to my inbox. I know how you feel. We stopped going to a church we had been going to for a long time and became foster parents within a month. I lost all of my friends. I am trying, too. It's hard. We always have twitter. :)

September 15, 2011 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger Cindi said...

Sending you lots of love and hugs Shell.

(Feedburner just send mine too Kim.)

September 15, 2011 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger WhiteSockGirl aka The Fabulous Bitch said...

Oh it sucks! I know the feeling. I moved from Windhoek to a very small city in the south of Namibia a couple of years. My mind was telling me that I am home, but my heart was telling that I was just visiting.
In the end, my heart won.

September 15, 2011 at 9:38 AM  
Blogger SoMo Mom said...

Hey! I'm in N.C. transplant too ... and I LOVE margaritas! I'll come pick you up! (Where are you in NC... sounds like maybe Fayetteville??) I'm in Raleigh.

September 15, 2011 at 10:17 AM  
Blogger MrsJenB said...


I know the feeling all too well. I have no one around me. Kim (MamasMonologues) lives fairly close, but that's it - and I don't drive.

I also feel like our living situation makes things weird - my friends are either newlyweds with their own lives, or moms and I'm not a mom. It feels like there's a divide.

I'm sorry you feel this way, and I hope you find a good friend or two in your neighborhood.

September 15, 2011 at 10:35 AM  
Blogger Lady Goo Goo Gaga said...

It is so sad - I have the same problem - I never seem to meet anyone that thinks like me!! But thank goodness you have millions of friends here at your blog :)

September 15, 2011 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Charlotte said...

Awww, I would love to be your neighbor, Shell. I know what you mean--without all those things, life can seem very alienating. Lately, I've been struggling with these thoughts. Despite the fact that I have friends/family in the area, my circle of friends has dwindled and most of them are now in very happy relationships, and, well, it gets lonely.

I'm sending many, many positive vibes your way, girly. You always have us :)

September 15, 2011 at 11:26 AM  
Blogger Helene said...

It's so hard when you feel like you don't fit in with certain groups. It's taken the entire time I've been a mother to finally find a small group of friends who I truly adore. And it's not a huge group, but maybe 3-4 friends who I see on a regular basis. But even now, all our kids are in school and we don't do playdates on a weekly basis anymore. So I miss them immensely. It can feel very lonely.

What's funny is that I used to feel so overwhelmed when all my kids were at home, before the days of school and preschool. And the other day I was driving home after picking Cole and Bella up from school and I saw 3 moms walking together with their strollers full of little babies. I felt so envious. To get together with friends on a whim and socialize while our babies played together was so nice and relaxing. Sure wish I had appreciated it more back then b/c now my days are so busy full of running kids all over the damn place that even a quick phone call to a friend is out of the question.

Sigh...wish you and I were neighbors!!!

September 15, 2011 at 12:38 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

I miss you too.

I have lived here my entire life and don't have any friends. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my family.

I know it is my selfish side exposing itself but I wish you wouldn't have moved away!!

Has it really been almost 2 years???????????

September 15, 2011 at 2:10 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

I hear you. Loud and clear.

It's so difficult to start up or keep friendships alive when we're so engrossed in family and work and obligations.

And everyone is going in opposite directions at the same time.

I have lived in the same town my entire life but it's not much different for me than what you described.

I had Margarita Girls, too. When the kids were young. But then our babies/toddlers got older and we surrendered ourselves to their schedules. Their needs. Their lives...

And it is wonderful. And worth it. And fulfilling in its own way.

But sometimes? It's lonely.
So I heard you. Loud and clear.

September 15, 2011 at 4:45 PM  
Blogger Kakunaa said...

I have moved so much...and I swear just as I really get settled I am off to a new place. So now I have IRL friends all over...and all my lovely internet friends! But I want a place that is HOME. You know?

September 15, 2011 at 6:14 PM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

I'm sorry that having friendships is so hard in a town like you live in. You are such a great person from what we get from your blog, how could anyone not just love ya???

I'd be your friend if I lived near you. Who cares if you're not a military wife. It doesn't make you a worse or better person.

I have a Skype account!! My hubby created one for me. If you ever want to chat, I could too!

September 15, 2011 at 9:38 PM  
Blogger Lady Jennie said...

Aw my friend, I do know how you feel. France is a tough nut to crack when it comes to making friends. It's starting to get a teensy bit easier for me now. I hope you can find your niche soon - people have got to see your sunny disposition and be attracted to it.

September 16, 2011 at 6:15 AM  
Blogger Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

OMG...is EVERYONE in the same boat? This is so sad!

I often dream about a little village that I'd create where all of my nearest and dearest lived within walking distance...wouldn't that be awesome?

I miss my friends too (but I'm lucky enough to have a girls' weekend this weekend, so I'll get a dose).

September 16, 2011 at 7:01 AM  
Blogger Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Oh Shell, I wished we lived closer. We could totally hang out. I miss some of my friends too. Some even live in state but are just too busy. Sad.

September 16, 2011 at 4:28 PM  
Blogger Vivian said...

I feel this exact same way! I'm not feeling connected to any of my groups of friends and was just lamenting to the husband that life is wearing me down. I don't know how to reconnect with any of them and it's not like there's much going on in my life to even reconnect! People just eventually go their separate ways.

I hope you find ways to get some quality time with your friends because it sure helps save your sanity! If only we lived close I'd SO be over your place all the time haha.

September 19, 2011 at 1:13 PM  

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