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Friday, September 2, 2011

Blog Friend Feature: In the Trenches of Mommyhood

This week's Blog Friend Feature is one that I met in my early days of blogging. I felt an instant connection with her because she has three boys who are spaced about the same as mine are... only hers are a little older than mine. So, I read her blog and thought ohmygod, I can actually survive this.

Please welcome Sarah from In the Trenches of Mommyhood:

Hi everyone!  I'm very happy to be here.  Shell and I connected in the blogosphere what seems like AGES ago because we both have 3 boys.  It was so lovely to finally meet her in person and to realize that blog friends are indeed real!

You probably think, since I do have three boys, that I'm going to blabber on and on about my life with them.  But nope.  I do that enough on my own blog!  One can only discuss boogersbodily functions, and names for boy parts (think "Moooommm, he hit me in the weens!") for so long.

Instead, I'm going to talk about friends.  Not blog friends, like Shell and me. But neighborhood friends.  Town friends.  And how hard it is for me to make new friends. 
August 1 is a big date in my Trenches. 


Yup.  The start of Pop Warner football season.  And with 3 sports-loving boys, I am DOOMED for a life of bleacher-butt.  This year, for the first time, all 3 boys are playing on separate teams.  And to complicate matters further, my Hubby is coaching Middle's team.

(I can already FEEL the splinters in my butt.)

With football season comes...forced socialization.  My biggest dread.  I am (admittedly) antisocial in person.  I have a hard time warming up to people. I make snap judgments.  My thoughts about others are NOT kind.

In short?  I'm kind of a bitch.

The forced small talk, the fake praising of each others' children, the negotiating of the snack schedule...shoot me now.

So I had been dreading the start of football practice.

Since Eldest is very comfortable with his team and coaches that he's been with for 5 years now, and Hubby is coaching Middle, I knew I would find myself sitting at Baby's practice.  I also knew that I wouldn't be familiar with any of the parents.

(I do, actually, despite my self-proclaimed bitchiness, have other football mom friends whom I see at the field every day.  Just none whose children are on Baby's team.)

My stomach felt sick.  Should I sit alone and not make eye contact, or should I at least try to be social?
Thankfully, all that was solved for me.  Another mother I already knew was standing at the practice.  With another woman I didn't know.

She introduced us.  I was already prepared to not like this New Mom.  She was blonde, thin, young, and stylish.

After a few moments of (the dreaded) small-talk, we realized that we actually live in the same neighborhood!  And that our soon-to-be-first-grade sons are friends!  Who shared a seat on the bus together all last year!
We both watch bad reality tv! 
We both hate watching other peoples' children play sports!
We both are sarcastic!
We both like to make fun of other people!
We both are mothers of all boys!
We both are working moms!

I instantly felt a connection.  A feeling of  "Yep, she's someone I'd definitely hang out with."  And now, a few practices in, we've been stuck like like glue to each other, laughing, joking and chatting.

(Which, for me?  Is huDge.  Just ask my current football mom friends.  It seriously took me 2 entire football seasons before I even attempted to be social.  And now? I can't imagine my life without these women in it.)
So cheers to branching out.  To swallowing the urge to hibernate and retreat inward.   To taking the plunge, swallowing your nerves, and just making an effort.

You never know who you will meet!

I so need this advice, since soccer is starting and well, Sarah and I are very much alike! Please leave her some comment love here and then go follow In the Trenches of Mommyhood!

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Blogger championm2000 said...

Oh, I can so relate to this post...my anti-social tendencies and disdain for small talk caused me to drop out of stroller days. Maybe I should give it another roll...

September 2, 2011 at 7:49 AM  
Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

I loved getting to meet you BFf today. She is such fun!

September 2, 2011 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

I'm still waiting to meet that person that lives near me. I have friends, but none that live in our same town. I can't wait to finally make that connection with someone near me.

September 2, 2011 at 8:07 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

At the soccer fields is my only time of the day that I get adult interaction. I learned to embrace it. I am social with most, but have only made 2 great friends.

September 2, 2011 at 8:20 AM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

I actually love to socialize but am shy and awkward and therefore do not make friends easily. So, for very different reasons, I know exactly how it feels to want to retreat into myself and not reach out. While I am not always happy when I do gather up the courage and take that plunge at least I know I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried :)

September 2, 2011 at 8:42 AM  
Blogger Beth P. said...

This is me to a T! My son is starting soccer in 2 weeks and I have the same fears. My husband can make friends with anyone, but me... I'm totally introverted. I'm scared, but glad to know others who feel the same way have pulled through. :-)

September 2, 2011 at 9:14 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Oh my gosh I thought I was the only one who dreaded having to socialize. I love your term "forced socialization" and I don't know how you and Shell do it. I have two boys and that is more than enough boy for me.

September 2, 2011 at 9:45 AM  
Blogger Manic Mommy said...

Ugh. I hate that forced socialization - especially when it feels like everyone else knows each other. And meanwhile, you're just wishing you could read a book in your car.

Okay, not the message you were trying to convey.

September 2, 2011 at 9:54 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

According to this, I'm a bitch. I have made a few friends at the soccer field, but most of those kids go to different schools than mine.

I would also like to point out that some of the parents don't talk to anyone outside of their circle. At least I'm not the only bitch there!

September 2, 2011 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Yipee for Sarah!!! I great BFF!

I think almost everyone can relate to feeling like this!

September 2, 2011 at 10:22 AM  
Anonymous Galit Breen said...

*Sigh* We're just entering this realm. Hold me.

So nice to "meet" you! :)

September 2, 2011 at 10:28 AM  
Blogger Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] said...

I'm honestly the type of person who likes small talk. I can be cordial and chit chat, but I just don't want to be your friend afterwards. I think that puts me in a different category . . . but I'm just not sure which. lol

September 2, 2011 at 10:36 AM  
Blogger Dana said...

This is so perfect for me right now. 2 of my 3 are starting soccer next week and Im very nervous

September 2, 2011 at 10:57 AM  
Blogger I'm Jennifer. said...

Nice to meet you Sarah! Glad you found a new football mom friend. I have 2 boys who play lots of sports and for the most part the other moms I've encountered at their games are nice enough. Except...there's this one mom who talks a zillion miles an hour, non-stop, 2 inches from my face the whole game. Can't even see my kid out there. #drivesmenuts

September 2, 2011 at 11:19 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Oh I totally get this!! My oldest just started playing soccer and I totally judge every mom there. Although I did make conversation last practice with a mama and we ended up having a lot in common.

Im such a judgemental bitch. Can thank highschool for that one.

September 2, 2011 at 11:32 AM  
OpenID pmlevitt said...

I'm actually a really nice person, not a "b", but I know I can be perceived as stand-offish because I'm shy and awkward with meeting new folks. Which has really been a challenge as we recently moved across country and I have been going way beyond my comfort zone trying to make new friends. So I can relate! Glad to know other moms feel the same; at least I'm not alone in my loneliness!

September 2, 2011 at 11:38 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Oh I can totally relate! My middle child played soccer for four years and has played basketball for the past 2 years. I hardly utter a word to the other parents..its not because I am a bitch, I'm not (but can be), its because I am one of the young moms, compared to those that are 10 years older than me..sucks, and its lonely, but I have grown use to it. Long as my kids are having a blast doing these sports, I am alright with being that one parent that stands off to the side.

September 2, 2011 at 11:44 AM  
OpenID lostandforgotten said...

I feel like I portray bitchiness to other moms but its really just insecurity/shyness on my part, plus I HATE SMALL TALK!

September 2, 2011 at 12:04 PM  
Blogger Mom of 12 said...

I'm not a very social person any more. But I find that a blog makes it much easier to make friends. I kind of avoid the moms at football and dance. Just don't want the drama.

September 2, 2011 at 12:19 PM  
Blogger Tayarra said...

I was just thinking about this. It is my oldest's 1st year of football. I was feeling the same way. Thankfully I have good distractions with the youngest two there. I'm never the first one to break the ice. I mean what if they are psycho and I can't get away from them. We can't have that! Glad you found an awesome friend. Thanks for the inspiration. Fyi... I also have 3 boys and love meeting other moms with them.

September 2, 2011 at 1:13 PM  
Blogger WhisperingWriter said...

My problem is I'm really shy. It's hard for me to strike up a conversation.

September 2, 2011 at 1:15 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Good for you for making friends. You never know what might happen if you don't try.

September 2, 2011 at 2:01 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Definitely needed this as well...i am like you, not the most social and it takes me a lot to warm up. We are expecting our second son in October and I can only imagine the sports they will be involved in.
Great for you to have found someone you can connect with!!!

September 2, 2011 at 4:41 PM  
Blogger Jessica {Team Rasler} said...

Ok, I'd better start working up to this before my two boys get into organized sports, because I am so thoroughly dreading it! Though I want to make new friends here, I also have a hard time with the forced socialization. Thanks for the inspiration; maybe I'll end up with some great friends like this!

September 2, 2011 at 4:57 PM  
Blogger Emmy said...

I seem to make that friend and find that friend and then move.. but then I just do it all over again.

September 2, 2011 at 5:23 PM  
Blogger Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

I have this problem. BIG TIME! I pre-judge that people are just being nice to me for the 1-2 hours of practice (we do soccer in the fall, my three boys aren't old enough for football just yet) and then I envision they will just leave rolling their eyes at me because I said something stupid. So I tend not to mingle...at all.

I really need to be more open to people. Thanks for the reminder.

September 2, 2011 at 6:34 PM  
Blogger Lourie said...

Give me lines and put me on a stage and I will act like a lunatic. Make me introduce myself and make small talk? I would rather crawl under the tables and die thank you very much. It is so hard to put MYSELF on the spot, but to be a character...that is totally different. And no, I can't "pretend' to be the character because that wouldn't be me. And not honest. And who wants that? It's rough reaching out. And I judge people too. Bad me.

September 2, 2011 at 7:19 PM  
Blogger Mommy This and That said...

I long for the day I meet someone that lives close to me that gets me. Because antisocial? That's my middle name!!

September 2, 2011 at 8:41 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Ugh, I think I could have written this post! This is me to a T! I'm terrible at first impressions too.
Great post, great feature...I've gotta go check this lady out :)

September 2, 2011 at 9:47 PM  
Blogger Rach (DonutsMama) said...

You sound like me! I hate the small talk stuff. It's so hard and sometimes feels very superficial. But then again, if I hadn't started talking at my mom's group, I wouldn't have friends I could meet up with during the week, which I really need as a SAHM!

September 2, 2011 at 10:47 PM  
Blogger Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Oh! I'm perfectly content with my anti-social ways most days. Though a good friend can make a world of difference when you have to spend so much time doing something! Though I have yet to bond with any dance moms. I'm glad you met a kindred spirit.

September 2, 2011 at 11:47 PM  
Blogger Katie Hurley, LCSW said...

I can totally relate to this. I tend to hide out too. I'm fine in small groups...but a bunch of moms all at once? Run for the hills! Glad you found a new fun mom friend!

September 3, 2011 at 12:47 AM  
Blogger Elaine A. said...

I'm probably the annoying one that always WANTS to talk to everybody - ha!

I have two boys in soccer now and it's complicated. I don't know how you juggle three!

And then when my daughter starts activities I can only imagine...

Glad to hear you found a good friend at to hang out with at practice! :)

September 3, 2011 at 2:21 PM  
Blogger Hines-Sight said...

Loved meeting her today. Great words of wisdom.

September 3, 2011 at 2:47 PM  
Blogger Missy said...

THESE kinds of IRL suprises are nice ones, aren't they? So glad it's working out. Heading over to your blog now.

September 3, 2011 at 4:46 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

Heading over to meet this lady! Anyone who wears a lampshade on their head is a friend of mine!

September 3, 2011 at 8:17 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

That's a great post, Sarah! We just never know what we might be missing out on when we stay closed off. Glad you got out there, and made a new friend. :)

September 4, 2011 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger Kelley said...

Yay! I'm so glad it ended up well for you! I like when friendships click that. :) (I have TWO boys. Do I count??)

September 5, 2011 at 2:12 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Aw! Glad you meet a kindred spirit! Enjoy the season.

September 5, 2011 at 9:57 PM  
Blogger Kristin @ What She Said said...

That's awesome! Congrats on making a new mom friend. I swear, this making-friends-as-adults stuff is harder than dating ever was.

September 7, 2011 at 11:58 AM  
Blogger Charlotte said...

What a great BFF! And I'm glad she was able to find someone so like-minded to help her get through football season :)

September 7, 2011 at 1:49 PM  
Blogger The Empress said...

Aargh..why can't I comment????

Anyway. Yes.

a good comment gone.

I did a soccer post, probably not a popular stand: but, we all know our own child best.

September 8, 2011 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I love socializing with people who are real... and I totally get the irration with phoney small talk. Glad you have a great new friend!

September 8, 2011 at 9:31 PM  

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