Pour Your Heart Out: A Test Result
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Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)
A physical one. This involves womanly parts, so if that offends you, you can stop reading now.
My breasts ached. I couldn't figure out if it was worse to wear a bra and have to deal with the pressure or to not wear one and have them unsupported. I'm not big by any stretch of the imagination, but they felt swollen and heavy. It was an all-over ache and heaviness.
The slightest movement caused me to cringe. If I rolled over in my sleep, I'd wake up because it hurt when they pressed into the mattress.
I've felt like this before. A little over seven years ago.
Back then, it was the final clue that hey, I could be pregnant.
But, we are done having kids. Our youngest is entering preschool this week, we've given away almost all of our baby things, and are ready to move on to the next stage of parenthood. And oh yeah, Hubs had a vasectomy two years ago.
And so, I tried not to think pregnancy could be the cause. We're done. I've made peace with this. I really don't want to be pregnant again.
And oh Dear Lord, if I were pregnant, I can just imagine people whispering about whose baby this is, since there are certain people who would jump to the conclusion that I had an affair rather than assuming that something had not quite worked with Hubs's vasectomy. Assholes.
So I went on with my week, trying to pretend it was nothing. Even staying away from google.
But, on Thursday, I was at the store grabbing up hurricane supplies and I figured that I might as well grab a pregnancy test. Just to be sure.
As soon as I got home, I took the test.
I stood over it, waiting for the results, feeling anxious.
It will be negative, I just know it. This is nothing.
Probably just my crazy hormones.
But what if it's positive?
No, I won't let myself think that.
We're done having babies.
And then I read the result:
Negative.
No baby for us.
But, while I was mostly relieved....
I was shocked to discover that there was a small part of me....
That was a little disappointed.
Because I knew that if I had been pregnant, yes, I would have freaked out for a little while. Maybe even shed a few tears about the thought of diapers being a part of our lives again. We've been making some plans for things we want to do in the next year or so: a baby doesn't fit in so well with these plans. So, there would have been some shock.
But, I also knew that if that test result had read positive, we would have been happy about it. That a baby would have been a blessing, something to celebrate.
We're not going to do anything crazy and try to have another. We are done.
But, this made me realize just how many mixed emotions I have about there being no more babies for us.
Are you done having babies? How do you feel about your decision to be done?
Btw, according to Dr. Google, my soreness was most likely a result of hormone fluctuations coupled with an increased caffeine intake.
Labels: pour your heart out
posted by Shell at
7:00 AM
139 Comments:
Shell - I feel your "dissapointment." Even though we are "done" - for permanent, I can't help but ... Sigh that we are - really done.
Oh Shell, I get this. I know at my core that we're done- complete. But the thought that there will be no more babies passed between us- ouch. Just ouch.
Been there. Done that. Only difference? My result was Positive!
And yeah, we were done too. No Big V yet, hadn't quite gotten around to it. But we were still done. Son 1 was in 2nd grade. Son 2 soon to be entering Kindergarten. No more kids for us. But guess what? God had a different plan. And I cried like a baby. We were done, remember?
But after the initial shock wore off. And after I saw how excited everyone else was, INCLUDING 1 and 2, things got a little easier and less scarier.
And now, 4 years later, Daughter, is a joy and a delight, and our family is now complete.
Thanks for sharing your story. I kept hoping it was positive. ;)
Mich
We're done too. It's a good thing, really. I have a 10 yr IUD and after that we'll go the vasectomy route.
I never knew caffeine would do that!
Yesterday when JDaniel started preschool I wished for a moment we had another one.
Then I picked him up from school and realized that he fills the mommy section of my heart.
It took me a long time to come to terms with being done since I had wanted another and Hubby didn't. But now if this happened to me, I would go through the same emotions as you since another now would be way outside our plans.
My girls are all big and life is easy. I call these days, my salad days, but that doesn't mean that ache doesn't still pop up every once and awhile. At the sight of a newborn, looking at my girls images on the old VCR tapes, their sweet baby voices, their tininess. I think it's a natural instinct in a woman to always feel that yearning.
And if those aches turn out to be anything involving cysts, let me know, my doc, who happens to be the head breast guy at our renowned cancer hospital here, turned me on to Primrose oil. All my cysts dissolved like magic.
I know I haven't been around this week. I'm deep in my work, tightening it up one more time, because, shhhh, don't tell, but it's going out next week! I'm thrilled and want to vomit in my mouth at the same time.
I haven't forgotten you, the 9th?
Also, so glad you're okay. Hurricanes are a bitch.
Oh my...you had me hanging with you...I think as women we are forced by nature to always have that little wondering what if...
I'm done too, for so many reasons (as you have read and I have linked) and took measures so there would be no more wondering, but you still can't help it...it's built into our DNA.
Good luck with your future plans -- they are what keeps us going.
Cheers.
We're in the same boat. Done with babies--vasectomy and all. But I've had to take the occasional pg test when my hormones are acting wacky. And while I REALLY don't want to change any more diapers, I was a little sad to see only one line.
Been there many times myself...hubby got the "snip snip" about 5 months after our 3rd child was born (that was almost 7 years ago); best decision we ever made... but sometimes some pregnancy signs come up and its like utoh!
People say when your done, you KNOW your done, and I knew with my last pregnancy, I was completely done. The next babies I cuddle with (which better be not for another 10 years at least), will be my grandbabies.
I am physically done having babies. Almost a year ago, I had a hysterectomy.
But this brought back memories, 5 years ago when I "knew" I was done having kids. I went through so many mixed emotions when I found out I was pregnant again, with number 4.
I remember thinking, NO, NO Way I am/can be. We aren't ready for another. I can't handle another. This isn't my plan I know I would of been disappointed if the test would of been negative.
FYI...you are way too busy to be having an affair ;)
I literally held my breath reading...
I understand completely also. I want more children but know this is SO not the time but every once in awhile will have some symptom and then feel kind of sad...but that's not even possible right now lol! No way no how!
We're done. I know we're done bc it just doesn't make sense to have more when my kids range from high school to kindergarten already.
BUT there have been months that I've had THAT FEELING and ended up with a negative test only to feel disappointed with the result.
I think maybe we're done bc it was best but not bc it was what I actually wanted.
I was on the edge of my seat. Really.
We are done. Hubby also had the big V, including two "tests" that showed it was successful. The other day, holding my friend's baby, I was happy thinking about how our kids are getting older.
But...
...part of the reason I was on the edge of my seat was that my head was thinking, if Mr. Shell Things' snippity snip can fail, so could Ryan's...and the there was slight excitement in that thought.
(Very slight, but there; being "done" is ambiguous for me.)
Like Mich, we were done and God had different plans. I'm so glad He did because this little girl completes our family in a way I could have never imagined. We are for sure done now though and I have no desire to be pregnant ever again (being truthful, I had no desire to be pregnant the last time), but sometimes I see a new baby and I get that ache.
I think that feeling of disappointment (even though you are DONE) is probably much more common than you think.
We're not done, Lord willing. My guy is 2 and we've begun the dance of sorting it all out. Are we ready again, can we afford 2 in daycare, how would it work with both of us working full time (I stayed home the first 15 months)? We'll see. I think we'll end up trying to avoid for another year but then I wonder, is 4 years apart too far?
I am also glad to be done, but still get those little itches to be pregnant (not so much have an infant... but pregnant... loved that part!)
I am struggling with the thought that we could be done. Some days I say we are done and I dont want any more babies...and other days I beg T to try just ONE more time for a girl. We have two boys and my youngest is about to turn a year old. Im definitely aching for baby number 3.
And then I think that in another year and a half or so I should be done with diapers completely. Do I really want to do diapers for three more years?
Hubs hasnt had the snip yet....we are still trying to decide whats best for our family.
I have an IUD so we have 4 yrs to decided if we're done. There is always that little twinge of disappointment. But we feel the same way, baby's are a cause of celebration, even if the circumstances aren't always ideal.
I have a post like this saved in my drafts. And I was SURE I was done after my second was born in March. In fact I was so sure that I was done, that I wanted to get my tubes tied but my huband and OB talked me out of it, saying I shouldn't make that decision while pregnant - and with a somewhat complicated pregnancy.
Now, every once in a while that thought crosses my mind and....I don't know. Rationally, I don't see us having another baby. But... there's a part of me that doesn't want to rule it out just yet.
I know how you feel. We are done and I am still coming to terms with that. Every month I analyze "symptoms" and wonder. Because I feel the same way as you - freaking out, but it would be a blessing.
I am SO NOT DONE!! But I only have one and he's only 20 months. Part of me wanted you to be pregnant! :)
We are done as well. To picture another baby in our lives kind of sends me into a panic attack. Life is so busy right now. But like you I would also be happy and know we were blessed for a reason. I know we'd make it work. The hubs hasn't had his little procedure yet so we are living on the edge.
I completely understand that twinge of disappointment. When Buster was almost a year old, my hormones were all out of whack and my period was CRAZY. I called my OB and they wanted me to go for a blood pregnancy test. I freaked out. Having a baby at that time was not in the plans. I was so scared, yet, when I got the result (negative), I felt sad.
I think as a mother, we will always have that mothering instinct and even though we may not want more, we know how much we would love a new addition to the family.
I am not there yet. I am not done. I'm not sure when I will be. When I got pregnant with my first, my husband and I talked about how many. I wanted 4, he wanted 3. Once I had Ainsley, I decided that I'm just going to take it one kid at a time. After Ainsley, I knew I wanted another. Now I also have a 17 month old, and I know that I want another. After number 3...I guess we'll see.
But no matter what, I know that when the last one comes a part of me will be a bit devastated.
OY. I am done. Its enough with my step-children 19 and 18 and my own that is five. YIKES.
Whew, I was holding my breath waiting for the result! I had a similar experience a few months ago. We're not sure if we're done for good, but I definitely didn't want to be pregnant again right now. But of course I had very mixed emotions when it was negative. Glad that your plans for the year are intact, though. : )
I only have one child but I believe I am done. She is enough. She was a wonderful baby and is growing into a happy, healthy, thriving child who fulfills me in every way. This despite the judgment of only-child naysayers (assholes).
I am [mostly] at peace with my decision to be one and done. That said, I recently took a pregnancy test as well. And it was negative. And I felt a twinge of disappointment.
I think it's only natural, as a woman, to feel that way.
I totally get it. We are completely infertile but I nonetheless occasionally think I might be pregnant. I don't even want to be pregnant. We too are done. Done as in I have two 8 year olds and do not want to revisit babies. But nonetheless, the though of being pregnant, or maybe for me, of just getting pregnant is for some reason always welcome!
Funny that we both wrote about "woman" stuff...for totally opposite reactions to the same results... Have a great day!!
First of all, thank you for the heart attack this morning!
Sometimes I get really tender right before my period. Combine that with cravings that I sometimes get, too, and I've been known to freak out.
Biologically, it's our job as women to have babies. Even when we're sure we are done, the disappointment can still happen. I know I feel it when I do get my period after a freak out.
I had the same experience this month! hubbie was forewarned "no grabbing the girls!", unless you want your "boys" pulled up over your head. The only time they were that sore = baby on the way. But I am the one who got all fixed, and I felt pretty confident in my doc's knot tying abilities. Still...what if?
At age 40 no less - having #4!?
In my case, I didn't have to take a test...confirmation of no baby on board arrived within a couple of days.
But still, if I had been expecting again...once the initial shock wore off, I think I'd be happy too. I always wanted 4, but with difficulties in the 3rd pregnancy, and my age, we decided done. I can't imagine ever being too upset over being a mom once again. I take it as a sign that I was truly meant to be one.
We have been deeply considering whether to be "one and done" or to give V a lil sibling. I think we've made a decision that we are going for two, but there have been many periods where we were unsure if every baby stage was our only experience of babyhood. I have been in your shoes, looking at the tests, with mixed feelings. Parenthood is an awesome experience, and looking at bygone stages can leave a serious case of wistfulness in our hearts, that's for sure!
We are done too- which I am happy about and was the right thing for us- but I definitely have times where I question if that was right- and especially as my baby gets older I think I will mourn it a little more-yet at the same time I am enjoying my kids more as I am not waiting for the next thing as much as this is it- this is our life and our time to enjoy it.
At 49 I am well past birthing babies age, but when I was younger, I thought I might want a third child. We stopped after two simply because we knew we could provide well for that many children. Any more and it would be a struggle.
We are not done, but I think most women would feel the same way. There are so many things you'll get to look forward to as your family grows, and THAT is a huge blessing, too.
Whew! Okay, count me in with the other readers on the edge of our seats.
I feel very positive that we are done, but I wasn't ready to come to that conclusion a few years ago when I got a 10 year IUD. I kind of saw that move as a way to leave the door open--just the tiniest little crack--if we had a change of heart.
I always kind of laugh at the thought of "readiness" or "the right time" when it comes to a baby. Baby one turned my whole world on its head and I can safely admit I wouldn't have known what ready looked like if it smacked me in the head. And even though we were "ready" for number two on paper, nonetheless he completely changed our lives.
All of this to say...the disappointment is so natural. Deep down inside you knew you would have made room for that number three in the same way you made a place for the first two. Great post!
I can sympathize. I only have one yet have some health issues that make me unsure if we'll have another, at least that I'll carry another. There's just something so magical about babies....
alyson
www.thaveragegirlsguide.com
(participating in PYHO today).
I was on the edge of my seat this entire post, wondering...
we're not done yet, we only have Goose, and I want another... Hubs on the other hand, is perfectly content to have just Goose. He sees no need to have any more children, however - he's thinking more financially than emotionally... and I'm thinking the exact opposite.
I think if it actually came down to us definitely being done for some reason, I'd be devastated. scratch the "think" part, I KNOW I would be. I so much want another sweet baby to snuggle, to smell, to nurse, to see grow, and to teach.
I'm not done yet... WE are not done yet.
I know exactly how you feel! so many times I have had that same moment. We are done. My kids are almost out of the house, a baby is not what we need but that glimmer of hope that confused mixture of emotions. I feel it now as I face a hysterectomy, and the true end to that possibility. I haven't linked up in a while, but I have a lot of emotions right now and where better to share those than here! Thanks to you for that.
While we have not had any surgeries to keep us from having more children, I can understand your feelings. A little reversed though. Since I was never sure if I wanted children, I didn't know how I would react when I found out I was pregnant. Now we are making the same decision. It's totally up to God. No Birth Control. I'll be 40 next year & baby #1 was a miracle in itself. So, we will see! I'm happy to hear it may have just been a caffeine overdose!
I sooooo can identify with this.
Those bittersweet feelings are so hard.
:)
Hugs.
It's not until you know you can't you start to wonder "what if?" Glad you are ok and it was just some hormones and caffeine!
My husband had a vasectomy a couple months ago. I haven't had any inkling towards wanting another baby, but I am sure I will at some point.
I'm so happy with our family, and having had a miscarriage, I feel that our original plan for three children was completed, just not how we thought.
I never, ever, ever want to be pregnant again. Ever. But I do miss having a baby sometimes. Kids just grow up so fast and it hurts a little bit to know those days are gone forever.
I'm not done yet, I know that for sure. Part of me wanted that test to be positive for you. ;)
I knew I only wanted two babies but yet, sometimes, now that they are growing up at what seems like lightning speed (my oldest just started middle and my "baby" is in 3rd grade) I remember what it was like when they were little and a part of me aches to know I will never experience those days again.
Aw, hun, totally been there...and as for being done? Not sure. Thought we would be for sure, but now I'm not sure?
Loved this post...so real. xo
I totally thought that the test was going to be positive. I'm glad that you are ok and nothing was wrong. I'm ready to be done after this second one but my husband isn't yet, so I guess we can only wait and see what we have in store.
I am in the exact.same.boat. Hubby had the big V a long time ago. But yet, every month, I think about it before my period (inevitably) comes and wonder "what if"?
Thank you for being so honest in this post. We aren't quite done have babies just yet, but I know the day will come and I know I will have these exact same feelings.
Yeah, we're done with that, though it wasn't so much a decision as the doctor telling us it was happening after The Boy came and telling us she was really sorry. The doctor even cried.
I was done after my first, apparently though God has a ginormous sense of humor and I have two. I had a tubal when she was 18 months and a hysterectomy at 32, so I know I'm done. Sometimes, I wish I could start over but not with a new one, just my own two. So I could do it again knowing what I know now, but I know that would never happen. I imagine how much better of a mother I could be if only I had known more about how to be a mother when having mine to begin with. I imagine that being a little bit financially stable would make a huge difference in how I raised my kids, in how I handled situations with my kids, but I know that I couldn't do it again now. I'm too old, too damn tired, and I'm really just done raising kids. I've got one that just started community college and the baby in high school, I'm so close, and then, we get two puppies, I swear to you, I've been transported right back to the infant/toddler years of my parenting life by taking care of these damn dogs...LOL
I totally understand the disappointment. We're not done but, if I get pregnant, the 2nd will be our last and I'm already aware of it being the last (potential) time.
Too bad we can't just have a baby on loan for a bit, hey? :)
I had the same experience. I know we are done, but had a "scare" and while relieved I wasn't pregnant, a part of me was sad.
With boy/girl twins, people say to us all the time..."How perfect. One of each. You're done!"
I wish it were that easy to say. I still feel like there should be a third...
We are also done but twice I have taken a test because of similar reasons and both times I was shocked at how I was disappointed in the test result. thank goodness the test come in three's because I'm sure I will need the last one and I'm sure it will come up negative.
I am right there with you. I had a little "could it be?" episode a few weeks ago and as scared as I was I felt the same disappointment. I guess, no matter how sure we are it is hard to deal with the fact that a huge chapter in our lives is over.
I have mixed feelings too. I think we have one more. My husband is 100 percent sure we do not! He may be right. :)
I can't imagine that split moment of fear and anxiousness.
For us, it's not off the table, but it's not on the table either. I would like to have 1 more but my husband says he's done - but he's not rushing out to get "fixed" either.
We've agreed to talk about it in a year and see where we both are
I wish I knew how to get past this feeling. Will I long for a baby until I am 65? ugh.
Totally been there. I think it's pretty normal.
Yep, I've been there too. We put an end to it after the last baby, but sometimes I think it would be pretty awesome if it did happened again. Just please don't let it be 10 years from now...then I may end up in the mental ward!
I think it's just our nature as child lovers and mother's who can still conceive, to maybe "want" to, you know?
We are also done (and made sure of it) but that doesn't mean I don't still think about it sometimes... ;)
I get it.
I had to take a test once and even though a negative result was desired option because my relationship was 'fragile' at the time,.... the heart wanted what it did not know it wanted,...
I cried for days because the result was negative,..
So, I am feeling you. Totally.
This is exactly why we haven't made a conclusive decision to go the "vasectomy" route. I know I'm done... but what if? Three kids is ENOUGH... but what if? I have a hard time making any decision permanent, but more and more I feel as though I REALLY want to be done... but what if? I can only imagine going through that pregnancy "scare" stage... but we - like you said - would manage and eventually except and be grateful...
Decisions. Decisions. I hate making decisions. Probably why I keep putting it off. :)
I get it. I've already stated that I am done after this baby... but then... what if??
Guess I should worry about giving birth to this one first! :)
Also- looks like someone needs stop drinking buckets of coffee. ;)
I so feel your struggle here. We're done. I'm actually the one who got tied up. For a long time I wished I hadn't, but now that the boys are older and more independent I am starting to appreciate the little bit of me time, and marriage time I'm getting. I also see how I completely have my hands full as it is, and two is a good number for us. But, it doesn't take much for me to catch baby fever. If I found out I was miraculously pregnant, I would be so excited!
I understand totally. I am done too. Anyone would agree that five is enough.
But..I still feel a pull when I see a baby at the store, or hear one in a crowd.
I may have even gone so far as to ask The Coach if he would have his vasectomy reversed.
Right after Noah was born, I had the same kind of experience. The husband was getting ready to go to school for 8 months and having another baby right then, didn't fit into the timing very well. It wouldn't have been a "good" thing right then. But, when Aunt Flow didn't show, and I finally caved and bought a test, I remember the sting of disappointment when I wasn't pregnant. Even though the timing wasn't right and even though it really wouldn't have been doable at the time, I couldn't help but feeling that ache. We're trying for our second now, and I hope I don't have to deal with too many more negatives. LOL
We're not done yet but we definitely are NOT trying right now. There have been a few instances where I thought we might be ... took a test ... it was negative ... and then felt remorse. That was the opposite emotion I thought I'd feel! So, I get this.
Hope you're feeling better in your "womanly parts" now!
I am done with babies after only having one - a very unexpected baby and one I will treasure for always. Altho now that she`s three it does seem like another bundle of joy would be nice. Then she talks back and I realize one mouthy toddler is enough! :)
Pregnancy tests are torturous, aren't they? Those few minutes that it takes to reveal the answer always lead you to think of the possibilities - and become attached to the possibilities.
Almost every single HPT I have taken (and I have taken lots) have been met with dual emotions.
In other news, my husband thinks I should start buying my HPTs from Costco. Clearly we are not done having babies! :)
Right - my girls JUST asked me this morning if I thought we were going to have one more. And I just couldn't say no. Despite the fact that I'm 40 and another one would graduate high school at SIXTY.
I couldn't say no to them because I can't so no yet to ME.
For me this is a hard and painful decision and one that I'm not quite ready to close the books on.
So I TOTALLY understand your ambivalence about it.
My husband and I have to be done. He has health problems and we're getting older. Our kids are 5 1/2 years apart. We got a boy and a girl so it's really pretty great. I elt complete the moment my son was born.
Still, I wish I could have more babies because I love them so. But I am also content to snuggle other people's babies!
Ohhhh BABY do I get this one!
We went through hell to have our second child. And now that she's nearly 2, I'm already thinking ahead to #3 (in a few years).
But hubby isn't quite on board.
And to be honest? There are days when I'm not either.
But to be honest, I know that if we don't have another child, I can be totally happy. And if we DO grow our family, I'll wonder how I ever imagined a life without #3. :)
So in a way, it's a win-win.
My husband is done. I *think* I'm done wanting more but...there's always a but. If there happened to be an 'oops' I would be anxious (2 busy boys and probably another - eeks - of all people you would know) but then I'd be more than a little bit excited. BTW - I was so hoping you WERE pregnant! There's nothing more exciting to me than hearing about baby news. ;)
Hey, vasectomies come undone all the time.
Fingers crossed.
Right now, I'm 25% wanting another baby (don't tell my hubby that! LOL), but mostly I don't... just because we're not sure how we can financially support another one. I made a pat with my husband: if we win the jackpot, we can have another baby! :) So there's a slight chance after all... but it better happen quickly, time's ticking!
Last year about this time I was going through those same emotions. We were done having babies. The youngest was in preschool. Soon all of the kids would be in school. We were ready for the next stage in our lives...parents of older kids.
But, unlike yours, my test result was positive. The shock and horror of it all consumed me for a few months. But eventually that broke way to love and happiness.
And seriously, now, I cannot imagine our lives without this little baby.
We had a scare like that recently and we thought we were done. It is always a big ball of emotions when talking about another baby.
Glad you aren't though. It's fun to think about what your next phase is...and everything is different without a baby around.
Sometimes I wish I were going to have another baby but my boys take up so much of my time I don't know how I would handle a third. I love being a mom to them and am looking forward to the next stage of all our lives without a baby in tow.
I'm done, and I totally understand those mixed feelings. I guess I'm 99% satisfied with being done, but then there's that little 1%....
I had a tubal ligation and a couple of times I've been very late, causing me to worry about a tubal pregnancy. So I've taken a couple of pregnancy tests and had that same mixed emotional reaction.
I am not done but I have been there before waiting for that test to say negative and still feeling so sad when it does even though having a baby right now would not be the best thing for us. I think it happens to everyone ... in the 2 minutes it takes to get the results all the "what ifs" come into your head and you can see how maybe a baby would be a good idea and when you get back to reality and see the one line ... a little bit of disappointment creeps in.
We decided we were done when I conceived my last one. We were actually trying to be careful and wait awhile before going for a third as I had had two c-sections very close together (18 months). But the next one showed up when my baby was 10 months old.
I fought accepting the third pregnancy for quite some time as I felt my body wasn't ready yet. I even waited to tell my husband, even after taking the test. I did want a third baby; just not yet.
Anyway, I eventually came to accept it, and we decided on a tubular ligation with the delivery (another c-section).
Once the baby was born I felt happy, that it was over with, the childbearing part, and that now I could focus on raising the children and seeing them grow.
I'm happy about the decision because I don't feel my body could handle another pregnancy or c-delivery, nor do I feel I could handle the care of more children.
Glad to hear the doc thinks you are ok!!! I am on the "one and done" plan, but have always said that if I wound up preggo, it would be because I was meant to have that baby.
Although I don't know your feelings exactly, I'll tell you - before we were trying, there was a chance I could possibly be pregnant. And although it was the TOTALLY wrong time and I knew that a negative test was a good thing...I still felt a smidge disappointed when it came back negative. There was still that glimmer of hope, that "Well gee I guess it's just meant to be" feeling.
I know exactly how you feel...I do. We had a little scare last summer and secretly I was really hoping I was...that by some miracle I got PG on my own.
I am 41, John is 44, we used IVF, we have twins and are broke, but the "IDEA" of that new baby wasn't making me sad at the time.
Like you, we will not be trying any time soon, but the idea of another little boy or girl would be another MIRACLE in our lives.
I really GET IT.
love you girl!!! sending hugs
You had me on pins and needles with this post and I actually felt those mixed feelings of "do I want a positive or do I want negative?". I had that happen to me not long ago when we had a scare and thought I could be. But the test came back negative. I really wished it wasn't. But with an IUD it could have been a tubal and that wouldn't have been good.
Honestly, we're not done with expanding our family after having two.
I'm glad, I guess, I'm not sure if I'm glad or sad????
I went back and forth for a long time on whether I wanted more, but we did the big V too, and by that time I knew I was ready.
one of my friends got preggers after her hubs had a vasectomy...when they tell you to go back every year make sure you do...
and I don't know if I'm done...as crazy as my kids make me and as tired and crabby as I am, tube tying or snipping DH is too final..I'm not ready to make that decision...
I would love to adopt...and then have one more...but who know?
oh, and I'm sorry for your disappointment...
and I get it, babies are magical, planned or not...
I want to be done. I really don't think I could or want to do it again. I'm kinda liking the fact that as Bree graduates from high school, I'll only be 38 years old and me and Paul can pick up where we left off at 20 years old. Neither of us have had ourselves fixed where we can't have babies yet, but I'm on my birth control. I keep mentioning the vasectomy to my hubby...but he's not feeling it just yet. I'll keep pestering him.
I know this feeling too, Shell! I should have started having babies earlier, because I don't really want to be done yet.
Weird about the caffeine, though...I drink a lot of coffee.
I've gone through these same emotions! Well, not taking a test, but just the idea that knowing we're done it is strange when you really think about it. There are many things I'll miss about not being pregnant again - however, still don't think we're doing another!
I'm done having kids too but I know what you mean about the mixed emotions. It's a little sad to think that I won't have anymore kids but I'm also happy about it.
I get it! We are most definitely "one and done," but I really enjoyed being pregnant!
I completely understand. We only have one child. My husband and I have talked about this several times, and we don't plan on having more. He's pretty much set on no, but I'm still not sure. There are days when I say we're done, and there are days where I wish we weren't. So, when my period is late or my breasts ache like you described, a part of me really hopes that I accidently got pregnant. A part of me still feels we should have another even though it would change our plans.
I so get this post. Job well done.
Honestly, I have felt the same this month. I had my tubes tied during my last c-section, and I'm now 42. I know there is no way for baby three deep down, but it sure has been a bad case of PMS this month, and I've been digging the nutella and chocolate. Your google explanation makes perfect sense in my case.
But, I also understand the disappointment.
I KNOW I'm done having babies and I mean I KNOW. But, still. There is that little part of me that is sad knowing that I will never again have those few days where it is just me and this brand new darling baby in the hospital, or that i will never again pick out tiny baby things for someone whose life I am so anticipating, or that I will never have a daughter (even though I SO wanted boys). Mixed emotions but doing what I know is right, I mean, there always has to be a last one, right?
I can totally relate to this because I was in a similar situation. It felt like my body was telling me that I was pregnant even though I have my tubes tied. Another baby was NOT in the plans and I was happy the test was negative but there was a part that was a little sad.
I can totally relate. Even though we were "finished" I still yearned for another baby for years. The feeling slowly subsided. I can now honestly say that for the past year I've been good with no more babies. Btw, my youngest is 15.
We are done, done, donie, done, done!!
BUT, I can't say that I haven't fantasized about the "what if" hubby's V isn't 100%. But we are so done!
First and foremost, glad you are ok.
As for me, I think I'm going to officially be the freak of the group here and admit that we have only one child and a year ago I got 'fixed' to make sure it stays that way because I was that sure I didn't want any more kids.
I've never regretted it or had any second thoughts.
And for the record, if anyone wants to know anything about a 'woman procedure' called Essure, just ask me. No scars like with a traditional tubal ligation.
I'm both sad and glad for you.
I've had the pregnancy "scare" with my husband when we were first married (We -I- weren't ready for kids then) - and I was a little let down when the test came back negative...
**And I hope Dr. Google is right and everything is okay!
I think no matter what, it's always going to be a little sad to know that there won't be any more kids. Hope everything is alright and that Dr. Google is correct!
Oh girl, my heart was pounding reading this and I was holding my breath! I don't think either way is ever easy for us. There are days where I think we're a "One and Done" family, other days where I think I could have one more. It's so hard as women. And once you're a mom, you already have that nurturing instinct and know you could do it again. It's a hard place sometimes.
P.S. That's really awful about some of the things those people would say. I mean, really?
I have heard this so much lately from various women. But it does make me eagerly anticipate welcoming my first into this world... whenever that may be :p
Totally have had the same kind of experience, but am done for sure. I guess until you make permanent change there's always that what if in the back of my mind....
We are done having kids, but I still think I would like one more. We have two girls and I would love a son. My husband just looks at me like I am crazy when I mention it. I think he would go get a secret vasectamy (not sure how to spell that) if I mention it again. But I think of how much I like to sleep and the feeling usually goes away...
Oh, goodness! I was feeling so anxious as I was reading this, and when the picture revealed the results, it was like I was feeling the letdown and relief for you!
Amazing how we can still surprise ourselves! Still it's a good thing to feel that your family is complete. Anyone extra would be a surprise, but never a regret.
I've posted before about not feeling done and not being in a place to have more. I had the biggest scare of my life a few months ago and with it came all those mixed emotions and that feeling that "maybe this is God's plan." Fortunately, my test results were the same as yours! :)
We're done having babies. Had to do IVF to conceive our now 16-month old daughter. But there's still a tiny part of me that wants another. My fantasy family had three kids, not two. That said, my two are so wonderful, and my life is so full. Maybe there's not room enough for three. We're happy as is.
I totally understand that disappointment. A few years ago I thought I may be pregnant too. I was having the same symptoms. I totally freaked out because there was no way we could handle having another one. I ended up getting a pregnancy test and luckily it was negative as well. What surprised me is that I was disappointed too and actually cried about it. I guess that there still is a little part of me that wants another child but I know that we are done. Next year the hubs is getting the snip-snip.
I have learned now that the soreness is now a monthly part of me. When that time comes I get pregnancy symptoms sometimes. It's amazing how the body can be so cruel!
You totally had me going there for a second...either way a baby would be a blessing! But now you have lots of new adventures to look forward too!
With #2 due in October, and it being the second boy..I kinda think I am done. But that girl does linger in my head. Who knows..for now after this one, we are done.
I so wished I could have another baby but sadly, God and medical teams (through complications) decided I was done.
At times it helps to remind myself that I get to sleep through the night and, can look foward to grand-children. Have new babies and send them back home. (LoL)
I gave birth to my second child at the age of 25. I knowing then.... I was happy, fulfilled.
Frankly my doctor looked at me like I was nutty when I asked him to tie my tubes at that young age.
After many long talks he realized I at peace with my decision and happy with my boys and as the mother of a blended family. Then and only then he did the procedure.
Really Shell, who in blazes wanted to be on the pill for 25+ years right?
I've had the same fear also - after hubs' V. It's kind of a roller coaster of emotions to find yourself on. Deep inside I have wanted to be one of those few who got preggers after a V. I have a pill baby (she's now 16) so anything is possible. But God knows best.
So uhhhhhhhhh.....congratulations....? HA
Pam
Oh, Shell.
Unlike a lot of women (and seemingly ALL of my friends and family) I did not have a sense of being "done".
I still don't.
But I'm 42 and my son is 14 and my daughter is 12 so we are. Done.
But.
I never got there in my heart. Without grossly over-sharing, we haven't done anything PERMANENT, but I have a semi-permanent solution going...if you will.
So over the last decade I've had several times where I thought "maybe" and then was disappointed to discover we had not, in fact, had an oops.
I always hoped for an oops. Bill and I could never bring ourselves to TRY for more children, but both of us thought I'd probably end up accidentally pregnant again.
I was THAT fertile. Back in the day. In my twenties.
But I'm in my forties now. And done.
Mostly.
Sigh.
Hope all is well with you ~ take care of yourself, beautiful lady.
Oh hon...I know.
We aren't done having children but may be because of my health reasons and it's really hard. Especially when the blogsphere is exploding with pregnancies. I try to be satisfied with just my Chunky, but my heart yearns for just one more.
I was late a few months ago and I was terrified yet at the same time uber excited. It was just my medications messing up my cycle and nothing more but I was bummed.
It is a relief though because it's not our time yet...
Oh, friend. Ya know, I don't have this sense of being "done." But my husband does. And I want another and bugged him about it and when he said, "fine," it scared me. What does THAT mean??
There was a time when I had 3 kids, and my youngest was only a year old. I was having "issues" and went to the OB. They did a preg test that came back positive. I did not think I was pregnant, did not feel I was pg, and for a second thought OMG, I can't handle another baby! It turns out there was a mix-up of tests in the Dr's office, and I never was pregnant. We didn't find that out for almost 2 weeks. By the time we did, I was greatly disappointed. Turns out that within 6 months, I DID get pregnant with my last one! The whole process helped us know we weren't done!
Thank God, now I can just hug and love on my grandbabies, lol!
Bernice
When I was 30, I have a tubal ligation against my will. My heart was broken. I was not ready to give up that part of my life, but felt bullied into it because of circumstances and the "urging" from people that "loved" me. It was wrong for me to do. Heavenly Father told me "no" as I was sitting there waiting to go into the operating room, and I disobeyed.
It took a long time to accept it. I don't think that I ever fully did. Last year, the tumors were found and now I absolutely cannot have anymore babies. The required parts are no longer there. Part of me misses the thought of having a new baby of my own...I didn't realize really how much until I read your post.
But, overall, I have accepted that I can't have anymore babies. I am in "waiting to be a grandma" mode and looking forward to that stage of my life very much.
All that to say, I understand how confusing and emotional these things can be. May our Father bless you and your family.
You would think that after a dozen kids and at the age of 46 I would definitely say I'm done. But as my youngest approaches her first birthday, there is a part of me that just doesn't want to give up the newness and the first-ness of having another baby. Watching a tiny human being travel through each stage of life is such an amazing journey. I'm just not anxious to have it end.
Sandy
Well... yes... I think we're done. All signs suggest we should stop at the one we have, but that's just so hard. I think, though we're definitely not 'trying' to get pregnant, if it were to happen I would probably be very happy about it - assuming the baby was healthy. Complicated, complicated stuff. It seems it's difficult to make that final - really final, it's for sure not going to happen... ever - decision.
I thought maybe you were talking about a different kind of test when I saw the title.
I too go to Dr Google for problems and advice. Sometimes he isn't very helpful though haha
OMG, my heart was pounding as I read this and I almost didn't want to look at the HPT stick! And it wasn't even MY HPT stick...LOL!!
I can understand the mixed emotions you were having, though. Before taking the test, the idea of being pregnant had crossed your mind and that can be a little bit exciting, even if you think there will be no more babies.
I can honestly say I'm 100% done and happy about our decision. I don't think I could go through the newborn baby stage again and keep my sanity in tact. I really don't.
With that said, there's still a part of me that wonders what it would be like to have a singleton. I felt like I rushed through the baby years with my kids because we had such an extreme situation. I guess I just wonder if I would've enjoyed it more if I had had one baby at a time.
I'm scared I'll wait too long and not be able to get pregnant.
I totally understand. Every day I think about whether or not we'll have another baby, even though I know it's very unlikely. It's the hardest decision, isn't it?
Oh Shell,
I know how you feel. It's rough to know your family is complete and still have a "what if" feeling Ya know?
Due to a medical mistake I was forced to have a complete hysterectomy before my 30th birthday. I'm 40 now, and totally happy with my two kiddos...but sometimes I wish for more kids. I really miss babies.
Hugs!
I think the tender breasts come with age. Mine have been bothering me about a week prior to having my period. Not just a little tender, but that "OMG, I must be pregnant tender!" So I know exactly what your talking about.
Each time it happens I have the panic stricken moment of "OH NO!" Then relief when nature takes it's course and the proof that BDC's vasectomy is still working shows up.
But then....there's that little twinge...Oh, how sweet babies are. It's not exactly disappointment, it's just...a baby....a blessing...
There is something about peeing on a stick - you still want to pass the test ;)
I am sure most all women feel this way no matter how "sure" we are about being done with babies.
Hubs had a vasectomy back in October and sure i was all for it but I am pretty sure my uterus was crying just a little but when we left the Drs office :) my theory is though just surround yourself with others who still are having babies! the little girl I keep is getting a baby brother in November so score for me! it will cute my baby itch and I get to send him home at the end of the day:)
Because my ovaries hate me, it's really hard for me to get pregnant. I've had 4 miscarriages but I DO have a beautiful 1.5 year old. But my ovaries, the ones that hate me, ache for more. Or maybe it's my uterus. I'm not a spring chicken. I'm confident that I will get another positive test result soon!
But I'm relived for you! =)
We have 2, Lulu and Bubba. The Man says we are done, but I could definitely have 1 or 2 more. I know it wouldn't be fair since we can barely afford everything we need now, but I was made to be a mommy...
WM
I don't have kids yet, but I can already understand the implications of "closing up shop". Who's to say how you are going to feel next year, or the year after. I recently went through this with my cousin. While pregnant with her last baby, she discussed an IUD. When the baby was born, she changed her mind. Then, changed it again. And again. I could see the struggle for her. Eventually, she decided on the IUD and is not regretting her decision so far. Being a chick sucks. :-)
I know. So very much. How you feel.
I just knew it would be about this; At 41 I'm done, but I don't always want to be done.
I am so on the fence about this subject with my family that I could see myself never wanting to be done.
That's crazy. :)
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