Pour Your Heart Out: A Screaming Mama
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That tomorrow, I will have patience with them. That I will bite my tongue, count to ten, and calmly handle everything that comes up.
That I won't freak out when one of my boys decides to slide down the banister or when another chases me out to the mailbox when he's completely naked. Or when the third pulls my iPhone out of the back of his pull-up. And then screams because he has a Hi-Ho Cherry-O piece stuck up his nose.
After all, it's just little things. It's not like we have a gorilla-glue-all-over-the-couch incident every day. And they only gave each other horrible hair haircuts once. Okay, twice.
In general, they are just typical little boys with lots and lots and lots of energy.
And they want to PLAY. That's rough and tumble little boy play: physical, active, messy, and LOUD. Oh, for the love of God, are they LOUD.
But, they have the biggest smiles and the sweetest little hearts.
What they do is just natural little boy curiosity, not malicious bratty behavior. Even the gorilla glue incident was an accident. Sure, they might wrestle around, but that's about the worst of it.
But, as good as my intentions are each day to handle all these little things with grace and calm, I fail miserably. Yes, this mama loses it.
And I SCREAM.
I never wanted to be a screamer. Deep breaths and counting to ten don't sound all that hard when I'm looking at their angelic sleeping faces.
And then it's the middle of the day. And they are arguing over something totally stupid. And someone spilled juice all over the floor and someone else accidentally knocked over the laundry I had just folded. And then they all gang up and decide to see if they can whine their way into heading to the pool even though it's about to storm.
Oh yes, mama screams.
GIVE ME TWO MINUTES!!!
MOMMY NEEDS TO FINISH THIS FOR WORK!!!
LEAVE YOUR BROTHER ALONE!!!!
DON'T EAT THAT, IT'S NOT FOOD!!!!
PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!!!
LA, LA, LA!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! with my hands over my ears. Okay, I only did this once, and it was after my oldest had done this all morning to his brothers. This one actually shocked them into silence.
I know I don't want to be like that. But, my patience gets chipped away little by little each day until I'm that cranky, yelling mama.
My patience doesn't return until they are once again fast asleep. And the cycle starts all over again.
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Labels: pour your heart out
posted by Shell at
7:00 AM
106 Comments:
{{{HUGS}}} Mamma! Most of us have been there. I've had days where I locked myself in the bathroom just to get some peace and quiet... didn't work, because they just banged on the door, but at least they couldn't hang on me!
oh god i feel the SAME way. I miss my little guy when i'm at work and he's the cutest most angelic little thing when he first wakes up in the morning - all sleep eyed and rumpled pj's. For me, it's the going to bed routine that that has me screaming and wishing every morning i can do better the next time. I have to tell E to do each step - get undressed, go use the bathroom, put your pj's on 10 times and it just gets later and later. I want to end the day pleasantly, reading a nice story. Not feeling aggravated with him.
I am right there with you...every day.
{{HUGS}}, I don't think there is any mother out there who hasn't done the same at one time or another!
Yes, it's easy to make those promises to yourself when looking at those angelic sleeping faces. I've noted this a few times myself - I may have even said it out loud to Hubs before.
I think you're doing just fine. Your sense of humor is still in tact, after all. I mean, your son chases you out to the mailbox naked? Really? LOL. :)
I'd lose patience too!
It's so true...
I really think it's the loudness of my house that gets me, but like you said, it's all the energy...
and I know it's always going to end badly, someone will end up crying...
I realized I was screaming so much that I made an effort not to the last few months because my screaming affected no one, they were so used to it, but once I started talking calmly I got results...
But now it's summer and all bets are off
when does school start? ha!
I hear you. For me it is when I get tired. When I am tired my patience is so limited that it really isn't fair to them.
I think the important thing is to give those snuggles later and to always admit when you were wrong.
We have all been there.
I've actually put earbuds in once or twice to get away from the noise for a couple minutes LOL I can still see them so I know they aren't killing eachother but my sanity is saved.
(It's gonna be a LONG summer isn't it?!)
Oh Shell. I feel like this every day too. It's like they just want to test our patience, see far they can push us.
Hang on, you! {{hugs}}
What? I am not in a club all by myself??
People warn us that mothering is hard, but it isn't always the physical. It's the stuff that leaves us feeling like we could do better...........I think.
How about when the two year old your trying to potty train insists on taking the potty apart and wearing the bowl on her head like a hat. ARGH.
I think (I hope) that it's pretty normal to react like you do. I don't know many people that after dealing with whining, fighting, pestering, etc. for hours on end can calmly count to ten. I know I can't. You're not alone.
I am very familiar with that cycle. It's exhausting.
Aaaaah boys. LOL. It's like the movie Groundhog's Day sometimes, huh? You yell, you lay in bed at night pissed at yourself and vowing not to do it anymore, and then you wake up in the morning and find yourself yelling before 8 a.m.
Seriously sometimes I HAVE to yell just. to. get. their. attention. Otherwise they'll totally ignore me because they're lost in their own little world of NOISE. You are so not kidding that boys are freakin' loud.
Again I feel like you've given me a glimpse into my future b/c I know I'm going to have all boys...and I know I'm going lose my patience a lot. 3 boys sound exhausting girl...go get yourself a pedi b/c you need it!
Oh my word - This sounds exactly how it is over here during the day. Sometimes I feel like all I do is fuss at my kids all day. And I remember saying to my husband one time, "I don't want to go to sleep, because I know what is waiting for me the very next morning".
I struggle with this too. I can get louder as the day wears on.
You are absolutely keeping it real. We all do this. Those who say they don't are either (1) liars or (2) people I don't think I could be friends with! Heh.
I've been known to raise my voice to window shattering levels. I think we all have reached that point at some time. I have to say that as my kids got older, I got quieter.
I too, am greatly shocked, that some days I seem to parent by VOLUME! LOL
My friend told my to try this trick where the louder they get....your voice gets softer: almost a whisper.
tried it....they could not hear me over their own din. fail. miserably.
but a well placed "HEY, HEY, HEEEEYY!"..now that gets them hopping. :)
Umm..seriously, where you in my house this morning? I am so glad that we are friends with my neighbors or they would think I am a a crazy woman! I lost it this morning and yelled. As much as I try to keep it all together I just can't sometimes, especially with Jacob. Even our therapist said that we can't help but yell every once in a while. She said that she does it too. I guess that makes me feel a little better.
Hallelujah.
Hopefully, they will each have rough-and-tumble little boys who will drive them to screaming one day :) Until then, good luck!!!
I'm a new follower linking up for the first time. I am really excited to pour my heart out.
You are totally not alone in being a screaming momma that loses her patience. I struggle with that daily and my kiddos are younger than yours. Thankfully I still get to try to recoup during nap time. But most of all like you I'm always grateful that tomorrow is another day.
Thanks for doing this link up.
I never wanted to be a screamer either. But there's only so many times a mom can say the same things before she loses it.
Get out of your sister's room!
Quit putting underwear and/or sand on your head!
Put the scissors away!
etc. etc., etc...
Oh chica, I lose my nerve withe ONE little boy and he's only 16 months. You're a trooper, for sure. None of us want to be the screaming Mommy. But, I'm sure your sons still know you love them... Afterall, like you said, they are boys. And trouble just FINDS them! :)
They DO just want to test our patience and see how far they can push us. It's almost like they want you to snap.
I relate completely. It's hard not to loose it sometimes, even when they are just kids being kids.
Okay I could have totally written this post! I would hear parents yell and scream and wonder why in the world would they do that!! And now... man some days I hate who I have become. I heard at great talk at church this weekend- he was talking about fasting and addictions and said to think of fasting as "Stopping"- you can't just have a little or do just a little- you have to totally stop- it is the only way. And it just really hit home to me. So that is my new motto when it comes to yelling- I just need to fast or Stop from it- I can't do it a little as a little always becomes a lot. Hope this didn't come across as preechy- this is just something I have learned for myself this weekend and wanted to share- time will tell if I succeed.
I'm a yeller, too. It's tough to hold it all together, to keep your cool, and manage everyone else's stuff, too. Lots of love to you, mama!
I scream at my kids all the time....I think it builds character.....i hope??
Anyone who tells you they have never yelled at their kids is either a big fat liar or HEAVILY medicated! I always feel awful about it, but those glorious little miracles of mine really know how to push my buttons at just the right time.
I was talking to my mother about it once and really beating myself up about it. "You never yelled--and you had twice as many kids as I do," I said. She responded, "What are you talking about? I yelled all the time!"
Apparently yelling is FAR more traumatic to moms than to kids :-).
I'm now 66 years old. I raised three boys who are now 37,38, and 39. I totally know what you are talking about. It does get easier! Why, since the youngest turned 21, I haven't screamed at them once!
I'm rarely a screamer- I've screamed exactly twice in big freak out moments and both times, it was extremely effective. I am, at times, a yeller.
I don't yell as much as I used to and the change happened for me when I realized that it was becoming less and less effective and my response to the lack of effectivity was to yell more and more. I was going to eventually only be able to yell at my kids.
And there are cycles when things go exceedingly well- I'm fully engaged and playing and in tune with my kids. And there are times when we are on opposite sides and they "need" more discipline from me.
The most important thing is loving them, bottom line. As long as they are loved and they know it, it all comes together. If you really need to change the screaming to a different approach, you will find what works.
Oh- and when I was a teenager, my dad decided that yelling was a very bad thing so he started whispering at me. It was TERRIFYING because his whisper was INTENSE and he turned red and shook all over because he was working so hard to contain himself.
ugh, i hear you. no, really, i hear you all the way over here. haha bad joke- sorry. seriously, i've screamed before, horridly enough, and i only have one who's generally super awesomely sweet and easy. i LOVE that you got them quiet with the LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU shout out though. :)
Wow Shell! You are so good at saying EXACTLY what so many moms feel. I cannot even tell you how much this is me. I never thought I'd be a screamer and I'm really trying to work on that cause it makes me feel so bad. And the other thing is that they are angels when it's just you and them, but when they're together....! Great Post!
I hated that I yelled. My mom was a yeller, worse a SCREAMER, and I never wanted that. I know now that it's exhaustion, emotions, loss of patience, and so many other struggles that made her that way. I also see in myself that most of the time I've lost control with my kids, the real reason had nothing to do with what they had done or how they had behaved but much more to do with my inability to deal with and handle all the other stressors in my life. I say it often and I'll say it again, every day I fail as a mother in some way and every day I succeed as a mother in some way. What makes us good moms is that we see these actions and we try to do better, we try to change and evolve our reactions to reflect the better mom we want to be. That said, no mom is perfect, we all struggle sometimes, but in the end, I'm sure the good times are much more often than the not so good.
Sending you so many hugs because I've been there, daily! And then the guilt is so huge. I do not know how to gain that patience, no matter how often I promise myself that I won't lose my temper :(
It's so difficult when you're right there in the moment. Afterwards you can dissect and figure out what *could* have gone better - but hindsight is much easier to deal with than the here and now. I think everyone can sympathize with this!
I am right there with you. I didn't want to be a yeller or screamer but it happens. I get to that point where enough is enough, my patience is whittled down and I yell to gain control.
I'm usually there at that point at the end of the day, thankfully.
I think most moms feel like this and if they say they don't scream at their kids, well I can't believe them. Everyone has a breaking point.
I appreciate your honesty. I am struggling with the same thing. I vow every morning that I won't yell, and then I do.
I'm a screamer too, but for me it is in the mornings when I'm trying to get everyone out the door. And I HATE it about myself. After we are all in the car and on our way I feel horrible about what I've done and end up apologizing most mornings. I want to be one of those calm, pulled together people, but I'm not sure how to do that.
I've only yelled at Drake a few times and I feel AWFUL each time, sometimes it is the only way to get his attention enough to make him stop.
We all have those days! Hang in there Momma!
I always feel terrible after I yell and that little chin quivers and the tears start coming. If anything, it helps me not to yell again for a long time.
Shell, I can totally rely and I have only one of those. But still I do the same, at night I tell myself tomorrow is going to be another day and I am absolutely calm, cool as ice and nobody, no little tot is going to get me to 100. Not tomorrow.
And tomorrow the whole things starts again. I'm sending all my compassion your way and hope you are sending some back.
Oh, I so understand! Funnily enough, I wrote about a similar thing today. I'm not a screamer, but a snapper or at least that's what a tell myself. If my sweet kiddos would just stop acting like children I wouldn't have to snap so much! :)
I'm also hoping to master patience, at least by the time they're adults.
Good job at being real and sharing how patience is such a hard thing to always have every day when a mother is at home every day all day with her children.
I hate that yell. I try so hard not to but most days I just can't help it. Like this morning, Little man was throwing marbles all over, spit his eggs on the floor, etc....It's not even 10 am yet!
So, I totally own that this probably how I'll be. And I think that as long as your patience comes back at some point (even if they are asleep), it's fine. Those moms who take a deep breath and count to ten and don't ever lose it? Are clearly heavy drinkers.... Just kidding. But seriously, you seem like an awesome mom, and I'm sure your boys adore you- just the way you are :-)
Hugs!! Whether other moms want to admit it or not, I think we are ALL like that. My kid isn't a bad kid. Not at all. Especially when compared to some of the other kids we know. But I'm a screamer at times too. Like you said, it's the constant little things that chip away at my patience. Just know you aren't alone. And I still think you're a great mom!
Been there, Shell! Actually I'm not even aware that I'm yelling sometimes. I think I'm just being firm and they let me know that I'm yelling at them. It does get better ... kind of! :) Hugs, girlie! You're NOT alone!
Unfortunately, I'm like this many days. I don't mean to be but lack of sleep and patience leaves me frustrated and it's my natural reaction.
I'm right there with you. I do this most days too. I vow for more patience only to be tested again. We are only human, it happens. ((hugs))
Anyone that doesn't understand this, well, she isn't human! ::snort:: We've all been there...it's tough...no matter how hard we try...we will at some point snap a little...but I guarantee our kiddos all know we love them! Despite our failings.
:-) Chin up sweetie!
Oh, Shell! I can certainly understand this! I have two teens and a preschooler and only really have to deal with the young during the day, but... I still understand. You are certainly not alone!
BIG hugs!
I love you so much for saying this.
Signed,
I am also a screamer
I have been beating myself all week over my increase in yelling. This makes me feel a little better.
No matter what, your boys know you love them and that is really all that matters.
Oh Shell,
You are so living my life right now (or I'm living yours). Same thoughts - I'm not going to yell today...I am going to be patient...count to ten...and the explosion.
I loved, loved that you shared this. So, on point. You are not alone. And you know, your little men (like mine, I hope) know their mama isn't perfect and that she loves them most of all.
I'm not linking up. I just wanted to give you a hug.
*Hug*
I love what Victoria KP said! I think she completely right about the yelling being more traumatic on us than them. Clearly it must be true because otherwise they'd actually listen when we start screaming right?! Ah Shell. I am so with you here. I have 2 little boys and can't even IMAGINE having another. It's totally normal and we all do it!
I don't have kids but imagine I'll be a screaming mommy. There's only so much you can take in a day!
I'm a screamer sometimes too. I hate it after the fact but sometimes it's all that gets their attention. Ugh.
Sometimes you just have to scream or you'll explode. And then you'd have to clean up the exploded mom.
I hear you. You sound like you're doing the best you can. (Hugs)
As a mom of 3 boys I hear you loud and clear. Even now, when everyone says let them work it out on their own, I do not have that option. As a mom with a bipolar child I know the odds of it slipping from mild irritation into black rage. So I step in and play mediator. Tired of hearing the stop it and the quit and the hateful words to one another. I scream. You are so not alone.
Thank God my kids are all teens now so we've outgrown a lot of those behaviors (at least destruction anyway, LoL) but I have a suggestion for you ...
When they are acting up and you feel like screaming ... whisper. (Yes, I said whisper.)
When you do that, they have to stop fighting or screaming or whatever, in order to listen to you so it's a good distraction.
By the time they hear you and decide your nuts, their on to their next project. (LoL) Worth a shot anyway. :)
Oh...how I can relate and I only have one at the moment! I think I might pull the hands over the ears one...I think Will might actually listen to me then!
Bedtime and my 2 or 3 hours of piece definitely helps me get through the next day. Something to look forward to!
Oh...how I can relate and I only have one at the moment! I think I might pull the hands over the ears one...I think Will might actually listen to me then!
Bedtime and my 2 or 3 hours of piece definitely helps me get through the next day. Something to look forward to!
Im a screamer. Seriously - If I dont scream NO ONE will hear me!
One time I read that this mom started whispering. Her kids couldnt hear her so they all started being quiet so they could hear her and she never yelled again.
I call BS.
I tried it. My kids just kept right on screaming! lol
I am so glad that I am not the only one. sometimes I feel like such a failure i hate being a screamer and I try everyday to be more patient but my child has enough energy for 10 hahaha! hang in there mama your doing a great job :)
Nobody can blame you!! LB's too little to understand... she would think it's a game and scream back... :) So, for now I just tell her that I don't hear when babies scream.
When I hear that pitch in my voice in which I'm arguing with my kids - that voice I hate when I hear it out of other mothers - then I switch to yelling. I'm not sure which is worse sometimes. Awww, motherhood.
Ok I totally get it! I have moments like these, and I think any mom that says she doesn't is a damn liar!
Sometimes we have to throw temper tantrums just like our kids :) It's normal :)
I used to pray every night for more patience tomorrow than I had today. Being a calm, loving mother is a constant challenge. And one that I fail at daily.
Oh I scream too and I HATE it and I always feel like I"m the only one who does it which is why I love that your wrote this post. Your days sound so much like mine. I try to stay calm for as long as possible and then, at some point, I'm just done.
I feel your pain. Every night I pray for grace and strength. These little ones sure know how to test us, don't they?
You know, I can't believe that moms think NO ONE else yells.
I yell.
Don't we all yell??
3 boys would drive even the sanest of women crazy! And probably to hit the bottle too.
Parallel lives babe! I never used to scream. Now I do it ALL THE TIME.
UGH!
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com
Oh, shell. It is so difficult. So difficult to be patient during these little battles. I am not the best parent when it comes to expressing my emotions either.
But I find, even with my 3-year-old, that I always feel better after apologizing to him.
I get down on his level, look him in the eyes and say, "mommy's sorry. She lost her temper. She shouldn't have yelled." And he always kisses and forgives me :)
Me, too! Me, too! Me, too! With two little boys, it is always chaotic, it seems, unless they are asleep. Yesterday I was so excited to try out my BRAND NEW DYSON vacuum cleaner. The floor looked beautiful...until my 3 y/o brought in his t-ball stand and dripped muddy water all over the floor. I scream, too. I hate it. Thanks for making me feel that I am not alone!
I've decided that with boys especially, you have to be a screamer just to be heard over top of their loudness!
I don't think I've ever met a mom who hasn't screamed including me. Wish I could say when they grow up you won't scream any more but they still do things that get on your nerves or things that make you stare at them like a pack of wolves raised them. Hang in there.
Oh, Shell, I don't think you're alone at all - and I'll bet you'll find that in the responses on this post.
EVERY momma has her moments of yelling. EVERY momma probably wants to pull her hair out a time or two (or three or four). BUT, your boys will so appreciate you for everything they put you through some day! :)
Wow, I felt like I could have wrote this! Sometimes I feel like the most horrible mother in the world because I yell! My kids are always fighting and arguing over the dumbest crap. I can't even go to the bathroom or take a shower without them banging on the door. My daughter, I really think she tries to be a brat. She does things purposely to make her brothers or me mad. The boys will ask her to please stop doing something (sometimes they say it nicely) and she will just keep doing it anyway, or I will tell her to stop doing something and she will look me right in the eye and just keep doing it. I always think, "I'll be calmer tomorrow", sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. My kids drive me insane, lol.
I was a screamer when my kids were little too. The only reason I dont scream now, I think, is because they drive me crazy in a different way.
It's just freaking hard!
I think we're all just a big ol' bunch of screamers LOL...how else would we get through the day??
I could have written this, because this is me almost daily. And it's always between 4 and 6pm. I know this is my time of being DONE so I SHOULD be able to stop myself, but it's like Groundhog Day over and over.
In other words, I feel your pain. I wish I could do better at it too. I'm convinced happy hour wasn't made for the working world, it was made for mothers who have been holding it together all day long.
Oh Shell...I am the same way everyday. Seriously. It is a joke. It is like I just can't handle anything some days. Know that you are SO NOT alone in this.
How did you get into my head!?!? Perfect post!
I scream at my kids. I don't want to, but sometimes I just can't help it. I'll say "get in the car" 89 times in a normal voice. Then I get frustrated and angry because they just do not listen. So the 90th time I yell. It makes me feel bad, but it's effective.
I feel you on this. Genuinely feel you. I don't know very many moms that make it without screaming at least every now and then.
I go through phases, but it's tough. The guilt later kills me, but in the moment I am so angry, so frustrated that nothing seems more logical than to freak out.
About every six months I read a different discipline book and then feel better for a while, then it begins again. I just keep hoping it changes when they outgrow the tantrum stuff...but maybe I have to out grow the tantrum stuff first?
Ugh, these thoughts require wine.
Great post!
I get it. I know. It's so hard. No one tells you to expect this stuff.
I'm going to link up tomorrow on a similar post - not yelling (though I've done that too) but just not being able to do it.
Sometimes I think Moms have to yell because things may not get through otherwise but the whole covering your ears and saying "La la la I cannot hear you" cracks me up! I think you're a great mom, even if you have to yell sometimes :)
I just want you to know that I cried and nodded thrugh all of this, yes, I really did, mostly because I am a SCREAMER too and I promised myself, swore I never would be.
You are not alone and I can't tell you how much your words meant to me when I read this. Really.
xo
I know I'm going to be a screamer because well, I already am. Patience is a virtue - just not one that I have much of. Hopefully I can be conscious of it and control it some though.
I'm in the process of weaning off of a crap ton of medications and well lets just say that my patience level is at a negative zero. I feel so guilty about losing my cool. Like it makes me sick to my stomach.
We all do this and if other mothers say they don't then they are totally full of shit. We all do.
You are SO NOT ALONE!!!
XO
Having survived classroom teaching without raising my voice very often, I am continually shocked by how many times my toddler pushes me to it. And I, too, promise myself that I will be better and more patient and calmer and a better role model. But I relapse so much sooner than I thought I would and the cycle continues. Argh. Anyway, this made me laugh and appreciate that I'm nowhere near alone in this. One other thing that helps is knowing that my son came by his bad temper honestly, and at least I can relate to his explosions! We're working on it together, obviously... : )
My latest is grabbing my toddler hard when he is about to do another no-no (like playing with water again or running ahead and not waiting for me at the crosswalk). I scream too when there's no father support around. It's just so hard to be patient!
Oh, Shell, I feel this way and my baby is barely 7 months old! He has a very shrill cry. Sometimes he doesn't stop. It's maddening.
I have a feeling I'll do my fair share of screaming sometimes when he gets older...with boys I think it's normal!
I have those days and I just have the one. They have those moments where they break any patience you have and they have pushed and pushed and pushed and you can't handle it. A mom who says she has never at least once had an outburst is a liar, in my opinion.
I just do my best to get through each day. haha.
This sounds so much like me (except the 3 boys thing). I have the best intentions to be all zen but always, ALWAYS fail.
It's the thought that counts, right?
Oh yeah...we've all been there. Plus, our job will totally make you scream, cry, want to break something, etc.
For those of you who are reading this comment, I'm talking about the job Shell and I get paid for...not the job of being a mom.
Though I've cried and wanted to break shit over that too.
Ok, I'll stop now.
These boys are enough to send you over the edge...seriously...they're a different species. Having one of each gender at the same developmental level is amazing...the differences are staggering.
I think that's why God lets us sleep...to give us renewed faith that we may actually follow through on our vows to be patient, but then those boys wake up too and ruin everything! LOL
Every night. I so get that. So understand you.
I remember asking my mother what she would have done differently with me and my brother. She told me should wouldn't have yelled as much. Funny thing is, I don't remember her ever yelling. I remember the family dinners, the holidays, me fighting with my brother, but not her yelling.
That gives me hope that I'm not burning an ugly memory into my boys. Children are resilient creatures :)
That also explains why we can yell at them about the same thing, over and over and over.
Sigh.
XO
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