Making Blog Friends: 5 Things NOT to Do!
Last week, I wrote a post about 5 Ways to Make New Blog Friends. I also promised you that I would give you my list of 5 things NOT to do when you are trying to make new blog friends. Everyone has their own personal list of pet peeves when it comes to blogging, but I think that these ones are pretty universal.
1. Do NOT play hard to get. Make sure your blog and email are visible in your profile if you are commenting on a Blogger blog. If you sign in with GFC, make sure you have a pic associated with your profile so that you will show up as the most recent follower, instead of being all the way at the end of the followers list. On your own blog: have multiple ways for people to follow your blog: facebook, twitter, GFC, RSS, email subscription, etc. Just allowing one way is going to lose you friends who don't like to follow the way you are trying to force them to. Make it easy for people to comment, too. Allow comments without having to sign in: if you make people jump through hoops to talk to you, eventually, they will stop.
2. Do NOT get upset if you comment on or follow a blog and they don't instantly return the favor. Some don't do this at all. Some do return comments and follows, but they might be off-line or behind or only blog on certain days. Have patience and don't write someone off right away. *cough, cough* I am personally really bad at twitter return follows. It takes me a few days to get to those usually. Oops.
3. Do NOT ask a blogger why they haven't been commenting on your blog. Especially if you haven't even been commenting on theirs. But, even if you have been on their blog a ton, you still shouldn't do this. You have no idea what has been going on in that blogger's life or how they handle return comments. I promise you that sending an email/leaving a comment like this is not going to end well. If you do feel like you are good friends with that blogger, you can ask them if everything is okay. But, asking why aren't you commenting on my blog makes you seem like you only care about yourself.
4. Do NOT get stalkerish. Sure you found a blog that you love. But, if you go overboard with comments/emails/tweets that make it sound like you are trying to hunt down that blogger to kidnap her and tie her up in your basement until she's your BFF, you might find yourself with a restraining order instead of a new friend.
5. Do NOT forget that the blogosphere is a small place. Things will get around: trash-talk or plagiarize and the blogosphere will find out. You might think you are safe because you are trash-talking in the comments on someone else's blog that you are positive that the person you are talking about doesn't read, but don't ever assume that. If you plagiarize someone's work, the word will get out. Whether it's a whole post or you are taking their idea without any credit, that's no way to make friends.
*I'm trying to stick to 5... maybe if I don't give this one a number, it will all be okay. This one is probably the most important: Do NOT stop caring about other people. As soon as you decide that you only care about yourself or you only care about your circle of friends, it will be apparent to anyone new who stumbles across your blog that you aren't interested in making a new friend.
I could keep going, but since I already cheated and threw in a 6th point, I'll stop there for now. Feel free to add your Don'ts in the comments.
Don't forget to come back next week to link up with a pic(s) of you with a baby bump for the #RockintheBump linky!
1. Do NOT play hard to get. Make sure your blog and email are visible in your profile if you are commenting on a Blogger blog. If you sign in with GFC, make sure you have a pic associated with your profile so that you will show up as the most recent follower, instead of being all the way at the end of the followers list. On your own blog: have multiple ways for people to follow your blog: facebook, twitter, GFC, RSS, email subscription, etc. Just allowing one way is going to lose you friends who don't like to follow the way you are trying to force them to. Make it easy for people to comment, too. Allow comments without having to sign in: if you make people jump through hoops to talk to you, eventually, they will stop.
2. Do NOT get upset if you comment on or follow a blog and they don't instantly return the favor. Some don't do this at all. Some do return comments and follows, but they might be off-line or behind or only blog on certain days. Have patience and don't write someone off right away. *cough, cough* I am personally really bad at twitter return follows. It takes me a few days to get to those usually. Oops.
3. Do NOT ask a blogger why they haven't been commenting on your blog. Especially if you haven't even been commenting on theirs. But, even if you have been on their blog a ton, you still shouldn't do this. You have no idea what has been going on in that blogger's life or how they handle return comments. I promise you that sending an email/leaving a comment like this is not going to end well. If you do feel like you are good friends with that blogger, you can ask them if everything is okay. But, asking why aren't you commenting on my blog makes you seem like you only care about yourself.
4. Do NOT get stalkerish. Sure you found a blog that you love. But, if you go overboard with comments/emails/tweets that make it sound like you are trying to hunt down that blogger to kidnap her and tie her up in your basement until she's your BFF, you might find yourself with a restraining order instead of a new friend.
5. Do NOT forget that the blogosphere is a small place. Things will get around: trash-talk or plagiarize and the blogosphere will find out. You might think you are safe because you are trash-talking in the comments on someone else's blog that you are positive that the person you are talking about doesn't read, but don't ever assume that. If you plagiarize someone's work, the word will get out. Whether it's a whole post or you are taking their idea without any credit, that's no way to make friends.
*I'm trying to stick to 5... maybe if I don't give this one a number, it will all be okay. This one is probably the most important: Do NOT stop caring about other people. As soon as you decide that you only care about yourself or you only care about your circle of friends, it will be apparent to anyone new who stumbles across your blog that you aren't interested in making a new friend.
I could keep going, but since I already cheated and threw in a 6th point, I'll stop there for now. Feel free to add your Don'ts in the comments.
Don't forget to come back next week to link up with a pic(s) of you with a baby bump for the #RockintheBump linky!
Labels: blogging
posted by Shell at
7:00 AM
93 Comments:
Oooooh Shell . . . these are all good! I would add that it is so frustrating when someone leaves a comment and I want to reply but the blogger has his/her setting set to no-reply. Aaaaagh! PArt of the reason I am blogging is for the connections, but if you are set to no-reply I can't connect with you! :)
Oh this is such a good post, I agree with every single one. Even though we don't see each other in person every day it is easy to discover who is not genuine over time.
Wonderful points! I found myself doing a self check as read through them.
love it and I am sad to think or now know that people trash talk other bloggers.. made me sad..
When I first find a good blog I do a wee bit of stalker comments :( YIKES note to self slow down ha ha..
Take care and LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE This post..
am givin you an award for it!!
I love this post! I agree with Annie, there is nothing more frustrating than trying to reply to a great comment and getting the "no-reply".
I hate the "no reply" Great tips.
Great 5 points, Shell! I'd also like to add that when someone comments on the post, then write 'I followed you, so follow me back', it actually makes less likely to do so. I don't know, maybe it's just me, not liking to be told what to do LOL.
And idea stealing, not nice. Borrowing ideas is great (and flattering), but always, always give credit, and link back.
Great tips as always Shell!
I'm really glad that you added in that last one. Most of started out to connect and that's such a huge plus of the blogosphere. Such a good reminder to remember that!
And it totally doesn't count as going over 5! :)
Such great points. I think I said this in your last post about making new friends, but in the beginning, I didn't realize that I needed to go seek out new friends. All my time was spent on my own blog that I rarely ventured out to read other people's stuff. My experience in blogging now that I've changed that (although much busier) is much more fulfilling. It's a much cooler experience to gain on-line friends over on-line commenters.
Thanks for putting this together!
This was an excellent post. I love what Alison@mama Wants This said about "I followed you, so follow me back." I haven't gotten a lot of these yet blogging, but I do get a lot of this on twitter and it drives me nuts and also kind of feels a bit like "bullying."
This is great! I am guilty of being slow on the twitter follows and commenting on other blogs! But I usually spend one day playing catch-up, so don't be surprised if I comment on an entry you wrote two weeks ago!
I knew you would nail this one.
One of the things that drove me crazy while I was on my blog sabbatical, (don't you love my new term for totally neglecting my blog for weeks on end), were the few bloggers who harassed me constantly with a, "I know you're writing, but take a look at my post today..." Grrrrr....
I'm so glad you pointed that out, that we have no idea what's going on in other blogger's lives. Blogging becomes this narrow little world for some of us, that we sometimes forget that bloggers aren't sitting in front of their computer screens 24/7.
Loved your tips. You are like the grand mistress of blogging advice. I might have to get you a tiara, you're so good at this.
I love all of your tips. I think I might print them out for my hubs to read :) I'll say "blogging" when he asks what I'm doing, and he's all "Wait, that looks like you're reading/commenting/playing around!"
And I have looked and now realized I was not rocking my baby bump. It was rocking me :(
Great post! I especially love number 4! wait! is that directed at me?! you're talking about me aren't you, I just so want you to like me, oh my gosh I've gone overboard, ok no more comments from me!
ok wait just one more just this once because you're awesome!
:)
I like Annie's comment about the "no reply" email. Especially since you pointed that out to me yesterday (and I had no idea). Now I'm in a quandary b/c signing in with Google takes people to my old blog (I think) and signing in with Typepad garners a "no reply" situation. Frustrating. I'll keep working at it - thanks for the tips, by the way. I feel "guilty" of all of them in some form at some time - it takes time to get the hang of it, you know?
That last one is key, I think...after you've been blogging for a while, it's easy to close yourself off. But that's a very bad idea!
Great points!
I'd like to add if you're a "no-reply", please leave an email. Nothing bugs me more than a commenter asking a question but I can't answer.
Also, don't comment with "Visiting from so and so, please visit me". To me, that means you didn't read what I had to say.
Great list.
And you're right.
I was visiting another blog, and saw a comment there about me.
Hurt, I'm telling you.
Wow I didn't realize people would actually ask why certain people weren't commenting! I am still fairly new to blogging so maybe I am just a little naive. Yes, and I hate when I can't find how to contact someone...drives me bonkers! Also hate the stupid word verification!
Awesome tips girl!
So true on all your points! Most of us feel bad when we can't comment but we all have lives too! I know that I either don't post, comment, read for weeks and then catch up in a flurry!
Okay, this is really interesting to me. I confess I haven't really spent time getting to know other bloggers until recently. I was just operating with blinders on doing my own thing because I don't really have time to write a blog and keep up with my life and follow a bunch of other blogs. But I realize I have totally been missing out on some great friendships - not to mention learning opportunities. So this post couldn't have come at a better time. Thanks, Sister!
Have a great day!
I accept that fact that not everyone I follow follows me. There are some people who follow me that I don't follow. Such is life. :)
Oh Shell, I'm so bad at commenting these days. I stalk blogs these days. I can't believe some would send a nasty gram.
Great rules my darling it is so important to follow this is a like a family. You have the uncle you never want to see but once a year but you always say hi and be polite ... lol ;)
XOXOX you know I love ya and always stalk you even though I don't comment all the time!
Oh dang! Guess that means I'm in trouble for trying to be your new BFF...
Mostly I was just kidding. I do love your blog and think it is so cool that you seem to be able to maintain friendships with nearly 2500 people! How do you do it??? I spend a couple of hours a day (scattered throughout the day) working on my blog and visiting my bloggy friends, but it never seems to be enough to read all the ones I would like to read. The whole blogosphere is really so addicting. As a general rule, people are so nice out there and so kind and willing to be friends and share their lives. I'm not that outgoing in the real world...I do much better in small groups than in big ones. I love the fact that I can make friends this way one at a time. I hope you don't think I'm a blog-stalker. :) Have a happy day!
Sandy
I love this series, because even when things should be crystal clear, sometimes it's good to see them in 'ink'
thank you for doing that for us.
oh and I'll stop stalking you now. ;)
Even though I may wonder why someone doesn't leave a comment, I would NEVER ask. Now that my blog is up and running, I realize how time consuming blogging is. Somedays I can't get to everyone's comments, but I do my best over the next couple of days. I also try to email the people who leave comments as a way to say thank you and let's continue the dialogue.
These are great tips! Thank you!
AWESOME tips :)
*shamefully ceases to stalk, plagerize, and stalk other blogs*
Good stuff, Shell. :)
Great tips, thanks!
Whit
These are great tips. My favorite is the reminder to not get upset if someone doesn't immediately return a comment or follow. I feel akward when people demand that I follow them back, especially during a blog hop/party. I love to check out other blogs, but I can't follow every person I read or I'd be way too overwhelmed with things to read. I might check someone out a few times before I follow their blog. Excellent.
Oh crud Shell, I'm not stalking you! I promise! ; )
I am the worst commenter. I follow so many blogs that I never even comment on. Is that stalkerish? ROFL
Sign of the cross and Amen
you are so right! You wouldn't think that the blogosphere would be so "small" but it really is! 9 times out of 10 if you don't read a certain blog someone that follows you does and it will come back to you!!! Great tips!
Thanks for the tips. Usually when I comment on a new blog, I'd like a courtesy visit from that blog but I realise it doesn't happen that way. Now I just don't expect anything - I comment when something I read is good and keep my comments polite.
AWESOME tips! You're the bomb!
XO
Great tips as usual Shell! I'd coment on more blogs but my work computer is kind of wonky and won't let me sometimes. Then I forget when I get home.
I can't believe that someone would actually send an email saying "Why haven't you commented?". Seems rude to me!!
When I first started blogging I had a "no reply" profile because I thought if I set up my profile I would also have to have a Blogger blog. Was really happy when I stumbled across a post that showed me how to set it up without setting up a blogger blog. Now people can respond to me :)
Yes, great list! And also don't comment on other's blogs just trying to get people to come to your blog--which is pretty much one of the do's you said about leaving real comments and not just "come visit my blog". Yes, people probably will and hopefully do go check out the blogs of people who leave comments but don't leave comments just because you want people to come visit you. Do it because you are responding to what they wrote.
Good advice!!
And I completely agree with what Emmy said.
I'm particular about who I follow back. If your blog doesn't appeal to me and I can't think of anything to comment about, I won't follow. I don't follow just because someone else is following me. I don't have the time to commit to that...and it maybe a little bitchy, but I'm honest about it.
I've received several emails asking me why I don't comment on their blog, and it's really, really offputting. Especially, like you said, they weren't commenting on mine.
Maybe that's petty, but it was annoying.
YES!! I agree with all of these whole-heartedly!
A-freakin MEN!
Though I do play a little hard to get b/c I had to go to a contact form on my site instead of just putting my email out there because there were some crazies emailing me. :(
I agree that I don't always follow everyone who follows me. That's impossible. I don't read every single blog just because they read my blog. I don't have that kind of time, and not all of them interest me. Another thing that drives me away from trying to be someone's blog friend, is the bloggy cliques. If you constantly tweet with the same handful of people, or constantly link to their blog, you come across as a little...stuck up. Funny how blogging can make you feel like your in high school all over again. Great list!
#3 really really gets to me! I'm pretty good at returning a visit with a comment, but sometimes life happens. If you ask/tell me to visit or comment I will not. It's that simple.
Ihave too many to list... like don't whine about being picked on by a blogger if you are a blogger who picks as well.. ya know Karma and all..
Thanks so much for this! I'm a newbie blogger and it's kind of scary to wade into a new society with (previously)unwritten rules and culture. I will definitely keep these rules in mind!
Thanks for the tips, I'm a new blogger and don't want to break any rules!!!!!! What are the rules for setting upa blogroll??? Do u I have to ask people if they can be on my list?
Number 4 is my favorite. I would be really freaked out if someone wanted to tie me up in the basement until I became their BFF.
Shell, you have such great advice. :)
Oh, thanks for this post! I am afraid I might be failing on the first point...mostly out of sheer lack of knowledge/tech savvyness. I'm still learning here....guess that's what I will be working on this week. Thanks again!
Great post! Just wondering....if you comment on someone's blog often and they NEVER return the favor, do you unfollow? Sometimes I feel like I should but I usually keep coming back :)
Excellent! #4 made me laugh! I hope I don't come across that way when I find a new one. I never thought about it like that before.
My biggest pet peeve is autoplaying music on blogs. I've deleted most of those from blogs that I follow. Just too annoying ... even if I LIKE the music!
This brings to mind a question ... I don't blog on Blogger but I have a blogger account (with e-mail). I think I have done everything I need to in order to receive replies from Blogger blogs. But the only bloggers I get responses from are those who respond via e-mail. I never get responses from those who reply ON their blogs. And I don't always have an opportunity to go back and check. Is there some way to get around this on Blogger? Either as a commenter or as the original blogger?
And did this even make sense?
BTW ... I hope leaving 2 (now) 3 comments in a row doesn't define me as a stalker. Just sayin'
Great advice.
Especially the part about continuing to care.
I do think that people notice when the love is gone. Or the sincerity.
But the plagiarizing thing remains a mystery to me.
How does anyone think he/she will get away with it?
Really?
Just. Plain. Crazy.
Oh. and illegal. and not cool.
all of those things.
Ugh.
p.s. I know it was a different post, but I don't want to stalk you and comment twice in two minutes - ha! So I did NOT rock the baby bump. I wore my husband's flannels over big jeans. And overalls. NOT rocking. At all.
I love that people actually do some of these things. Classic!
This was really good, Shell! Blogging is truly a part-time job sometimes, right? Blogging, reading other blogs, returning comments, catching up on Twitter, not forgetting about your friends on FB... It's hard to keep up with it all. Thanks for the tips!!
Phew, breathing a sigh of relief. Haven't messed up too bad. (LoL)
Learning the in's and outs of blogging is an adventure. Thank Heaven for our wonderful tour guide. (Shell) :)
I like your post! I've been fortunate to run across great people so far, but I haven't been blogging very long.
My least favorite thing is when people ask me to follow their blog without even commenting on my post.
Maybe that's a different category, but definitely not very effective. :)
No Reply? I haven't heard of this one. How do I check to see if I'm set as No-Reply?
LOVE this post Shell - I loved the Five Things TO Do and now the Five (six) Don'ts are just as good :)
Love What Alison @Mama Wants This said too; if You're going to bother leaving a comment, make it a good one!! I mean really...!
Right, don't be a weird freaky stalker!! Check! hehehe! x
Great tips! You are so helpful to the new bloggers. I try to only leave comments from the heart, to let the people know I've actually READ their post...I've gotten some comments on mine where I know they haven't read what I've written. I don't mind that they haven't read it, but don't comment at all then.
Hee! I like #4!
I'm a big reader but a horrible commenter...it's true...
but I do try to comment at least once every couple of weeks just to le them know I'm still around...sigh..
awesome tips though! the whole follow me back thing makes me nuts though...
Great points!
Love #4....not that I have to worry about that.
I know a good point is to comment and I've been bad about that.
This is great advice. I love that 6th point you added. If we're all caught up in ourselves, no one is going to want to appraoch.
#5 is so true. Even though there are hundreds of thousands of bloggers, it does get to be a small place at times. Remembering that is key. I love the last tip. If you have a circle of friends, it's always good to still branch out.
You're such a smart lady, full of great advice!
#4 was pretty funny, kinda scary if some one really acted like that. I can't believe that some bloggers would plagiarize. That's just not right.
Thanks for sharing these tips! I remember somewhere out there I read a post about "Blogetiquette" and your tips should be added to it. :)
This is excellent. I'm going to link it up on Saturday.
This is actually something that I got from the web: "I won't trade the few readers that I have whom I respect and admire for 10,000 readers who just follow the herd."
These are great tips.
I think one thing that we should all remember is to not leave a half-hearted, no-brainer comments. When I read something like this, I really don't return the visit. Oh and about following, I do follow those which really appeals to my interests.
Enjoy the rest of the week!
So, this totally reminds me - WHY havent you been to MY blog?!?!
lol Just kidding.
Luckily no one has creeped me out yet. I dont think any stalkers want to duct tape me and throw me in a closet... Hmmm - maybe I should be offeneded??
Great list! I also don't like the comments that only say to visit their blog. Make sure you're commenting on the posts content, not just looking for a follow :)
Well done! ;)
I agree with it all, but especially the make it easy to contact you... My following is still small enough that I can, and do email reply to everyone who "let" me, so the no-reply@blogger thing makes me a little nutty!
A really excellent list, Shell!
This is a good list. I could probably comem up with 20 more to add, and I'm sure you could too :) Thanks for sharing :) You always have such good posts :)
LOVE this list. SO many important points you make here, Shell. I think it's always important to remember WHY we blog and to hold on to the good friends we've made in the blogosphere. And to treat them kindly. We can't get upset about the ones who don't return the comment-love, because, as you said--we just never know what's going on in their lives.
You are all kinds of awesome.
Love this post.
Blogger has also had a lot of issues with commenting lately. Frustrating.
But your post is great and made me feel better because I have been one of those that has had a hard time keeping up with comments. I have been using my google reader to read blogs and I need to make time to visit blogs so I can comment. I always say I will go back but then I just run out of time these days. Here's to sitting outside being lifeguard to the kiddie pool and maybe having some time :)
I love these. I am not one to judge people and I hope no one is judging me based on how much I comment.
Somehow the sixth point seems the most important to me. It's hard to spread the love around, but the ones who do, well - everyone knows about them.
(you ;-) )
I was right there with you until I got to the "don't be stalkerish" rule. I mean, really?
Clearly we look for different traits in friends.
Linking back to your post today! Adding in about the commenting problems on blogger with embedding posts...it's been driving me nuts lately!
This is a fabulous post :) Thanks for it. Totally agree on all of them.
Beautiful awesome distribute. It is usually pleasant and valuable submit. Appreciate it for expressing some of these perfect search topics
I don't think I could ever do #3 even if I wanted to. It would make me feel so sad and desperate. That's the online equivalent to asking someone to be your friend.
People do #'s 3,4, and 5? Really? Gosh, I really do blog under a rock!!
It is a very small group of people whose blogs I follow and who follow mine. I enjoy these friendships very much. I would be so sad if someone was trash-talking me. And you're right - computers go on the fritz, people get the flu, babies don't sleep...who knows what another person is going through that they aren't blogging about that might lead them to not comment.
A previous commenter said something about blogging being a part-time job and I think that is a fair estimation! I don't think I can put more 'work' into it with the full-time job I have now. I'll stay small a while longer ;)
I just re-read this and I feel like I'm all over the place, so sorry about that! Too tired to fix it and if I close the window I won't be back to try again for many days (work-week starts tomorrow, Ada's birthday this weekend...you know how it goes).
So good - so true and great advice!
Visiting today from Saturday Sampling!
I have to strongly agree with the point about not always being able to return comments back. Fortunately I am beginning to become more popular but is hard to lose that intimatcy between my readers and I.
I ask them for patience as I do plan on answering their comments or at least commenting on their blogs. I am a stickler for that! My laptop crashed almost a month ago and I swear I am stll not caught up, plus I AM sick. What you say is true; consider what might be going on in a person's life!
Excellent post!
#4 - I didn't really want to KIDNAP you, just borrow you for a little while......
Seriously, great advice.
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