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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: When to Stay and When to Go

Welcome to Pour Your Heart Out- if you need more info on how to participate, check out THIS post. But it's personal- it's what YOU think is pouring your heart out. Please grab the PYHO button or link back in your post if you are participating.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)


Relationships can be rough.  Eventually, you might come to a crossroads where you have to make a decision: do you stay or do you go?

I decided to leave.

If I had stayed....

We would have gotten married.

Those two little girls would be my little girls.

I would have learned what it was like to be a police officer's wife.

It would have been me who got cheated on.

It would have been me who dealt with abuse.

It would have ended in an ugly divorce.

I'd be bitter.

I'd wonder if I should have left before things had gotten so bad.

I'm so glad I decided to leave.

I decided to stay.

If I had left...

My boys wouldn't even remember what it's like to have mom and dad live in the same house.

I would only have two boys, not three.

I'd be working outside of the home because I had to.

I'd be lonely.

I'd miss Hubs.

I'd miss us together.

I'd be bitter.

I'd wonder if we should have tried to make things work.

I'm so glad I decided to stay.

When to stay and when to go: it's a hard decision to make. There are times when you should run like hell away from the person that you are with.

And there are times when you should fight like hell to keep your relationship together.

But, knowing which is which can be near impossible.

I'm just glad that I managed to make the right decisions at the right times.

Labels: ,


Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

I firmly believe we are guided to end up with the people we are meant to be with. But I really don't like being stuck in the middle and not knowing how it will all end :)

June 1, 2011 at 7:10 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I think that we all those moments in our life and the most important thing is to trust your gut and not what everyone else is saying around you or what you feel you should do. I have to do what feels right for you even if it is harder than you could have imagined.

June 1, 2011 at 7:10 AM  
Blogger Barbara said...

Such a beautiful post! Sometimes even when we leave we still aren't sure if it was the right decision. I second guessed the "leaving" for years until I found the one worth staying for!

June 1, 2011 at 7:12 AM  
Blogger Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Thank goodness you made the right decisions! What hard choices.

June 1, 2011 at 7:17 AM  
Blogger Mrs4444 said...

Very true, very true.

Had I married the young man I thought I couldn't live with out, I would be absolutely miserable today. Thank God he wouldn't commit (until I met and fell in love w Mr.4444). Funny, all of a sudden he was madly in love with me and begged me to "give us another chance." Uh, NO!

June 1, 2011 at 7:31 AM  
Blogger angela said...

This is a lovely post and so honest. Those are difficult choices to make, and you made good ones! The funny thing is, both choices are tough to do and take a lot of courage.

June 1, 2011 at 7:39 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

By the grace of God we are able to make the right decisions when we need to - no matter how difficult they are at the time.

June 1, 2011 at 7:41 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

This road called life isn't an easy one and you never know if you are making the right decision at the time...all you can do is go with your instincts. Thank goodness you did :)

June 1, 2011 at 7:42 AM  
Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

The first situation would have been horrible. I am so glad you didn't stay. It is hard to leave, but when it is dangerous for you and/or your children to stay you have to leave.

June 1, 2011 at 7:56 AM  
Blogger Tara R. said...

I was faced with similar decisions and am glad I made the ones I did. I still wonder about the 'what ifs' but know in my heart I stayed at the right time.

June 1, 2011 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Missy (& various in Transplant blog) said...

My life is pretty parallel with your post. I did leave, and often wonder what if I stayed.

Then again, I cannot imagine or even think to contemplate leaving the man I now call my husband or the life that we have built together.

June 1, 2011 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

It really is such a hard decision to make. You're lucky you made the right decisions. I see so many people struggle with decisions just like that and my heart hurts for them.

June 1, 2011 at 8:07 AM  
Blogger amygrew said...

Its funny how going with your gut tend to be the right decision!

June 1, 2011 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Beautifully written. I'm so glad you stayed too!

June 1, 2011 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger m&msmommy said...

I could have written that "Five Years Ago" part myself! It's always a hard choice, thankfully it was the right one for you and your family! :)

June 1, 2011 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger anSeL said...

This is so nice. It's really for you. God bless!

June 1, 2011 at 9:00 AM  
Blogger Minivan Mama said...

Well obviously you made the right decision both times! Love your post...it made me think about my life and my choices!

June 1, 2011 at 9:14 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

What a powerful post!

June 1, 2011 at 9:16 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

I know what you mean. We look back at the decisions we made, compare the pros and cons and realize which ones were right and which ones were wrong.
I liked this post.

June 1, 2011 at 9:16 AM  
Blogger Katina said...

You are so right. Sometimes you do need to leave and sometimes you do need to stay. I think listening to God's still small voice is the way to make the right decision. Love the way you wrote this!

June 1, 2011 at 9:20 AM  
Blogger The Random Blogette said...

I love this. I often times always wonder what it. But then I realize that if things had gone differently in life I wouldn't be where I am today.

June 1, 2011 at 9:33 AM  
Blogger Andrea (ace1028) said...

Beautiful words to explain powerful and intense choices. Thanks for sharing and I am so glad you have made the decisions you did!

June 1, 2011 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger Renee said...

It was a little less than five years ago when I decided to stay and fight like hell. It wasn't easy then...it's still not easy at times now. But, it is one decision that I will never regret.

June 1, 2011 at 9:39 AM  
Blogger Hutch said...

This is so true! You can always look back and wonder should I have left sooner or should I have stayed, but I like to think life has it's way of working out.

June 1, 2011 at 9:42 AM  
Blogger Now What????? said...

Making the decision to leave a relationshiop and someone you love (even if the relationship is not healthy)is the hardest decision...but in the end it is normally the best decision you could make. I can speak from experience, and am grateful everyday that I had the strength to leave. My life today is so much better than it would have been if I had stayed.

June 1, 2011 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

You're so right - when you're in the thick of it, it's really hard to know which way to jump.

June 1, 2011 at 9:44 AM  
Blogger Karen Mortensen said...

Wonderful thoughts and very well put. Glad things were able to work out.

June 1, 2011 at 9:51 AM  
Blogger Emmy said...

I just saw a preview for a movie called "Another Earth" where suddenly another planet earth shows up and there are people just like you on it but they made different decisions in life- very interesting idea.
And after reading your series where you wrote about the guy from ten years ago- is it really bad that when I first read what had happened with him I thought- HA! :)

June 1, 2011 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger Tylaine said...

You really are a beautiful writer Shell. I can totally relate to the latter and it's nice to hear it from others. I'm glad you stayed too and I'm glad I stayed.

June 1, 2011 at 10:17 AM  
Blogger Heidi said...

Isn't it amazing how those decisions can change the rest of your life! So glad things went the right way for you.

June 1, 2011 at 10:24 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

I am a firm believer in the "everything happens for a reason" view of life. Because, it's true. You were meant to be with your husband. Those hard, trying times were meant to test your marriage. I'm sure that it made it a better marriage. One you're happy to be in. I'm so glad that you did decide to stay. Your boys are beautiful and deserve to have a wonderful mother with them all of the time! :)

June 1, 2011 at 10:24 AM  
Blogger michellespann said...

So true! I love your honesty :)

June 1, 2011 at 10:38 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

Love this Shell. Your PYHO posts always get to me.

June 1, 2011 at 10:58 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Great point!! I never thought about it that way and I am so glad everything turned out for the best.

June 1, 2011 at 10:59 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

This was a beautifully written post. I'm right in the middle of a stay- or- go choice, and it's just the hardest things ever. This offered some fresh perspective. Thank you.

June 1, 2011 at 11:03 AM  
Blogger Kristina P. said...

Thanks for sharing with such honesty, Shell!

June 1, 2011 at 11:05 AM  
Blogger Kristy said...

That was beautiful the way you wrote this! I love the concept you came up with. It is interesting to think of the parallel universes that run along side us.

June 1, 2011 at 11:20 AM  
Blogger Rach (DonutsMama) said...

Hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it? I've had these same thoughts sometimes too. Thank God for unanswered prayers.

June 1, 2011 at 11:30 AM  
Blogger Lady Jennie said...

After all my past relationship drama both my husband and I are relieved to have not one bit of drama in our relationship (apart from the small things, but it's really the easiest relationship we've both been in).

We were also 30 and 32 when we got married and I think you know yourself better then.

I'm glad you got out of the wrong one and stuck with the right one.

June 1, 2011 at 11:33 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

It really is amazing how vastly different life can be based on just 1 decision. This reminds me of the moving Sliding Doors (I think that was the name).

Thank goodness you chose wisely. :)

June 1, 2011 at 11:43 AM  
Blogger singedwingangel said...

Had i gone out with my husband when we were 18 it never would have worked. We had to go through the relationships we did to get to here..

June 1, 2011 at 12:17 PM  
Blogger Courtney K. said...

Thank goodness for instinct and intuition. Sounds like your choice was perfect. And if you hadn't left 10 years ago, would we even know you?! THAT possibility makes me sad. Glad you're here, right where you're at. :)

June 1, 2011 at 12:17 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

That is a tough choice to make...sounds like you made the right one both times. I know that things can be hard in relationships but when you know that it's right, you fight like hell to keep it. I'm glad that you're here, this wouldn't be the same without you!

June 1, 2011 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Good for you for making the right decisions! Life isn't always easy, but it's nice to know that you are where you should be :)

June 1, 2011 at 12:39 PM  
Blogger NotaSupermom said...

Very nice. I've left and I've stayed and feel like I made the right decision both times.

June 1, 2011 at 12:47 PM  
Blogger mama marchand said...

You are so right. Life gets TOUGH. Thanks for your honesty, Shell.

June 1, 2011 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger We 2 Bees said...

Beautiful written! And so true, sometimes we don't know the outcome but make the decision and trust! Both take such courage! Thanks for sharing!

June 1, 2011 at 12:58 PM  
OpenID jdareg said...

Beautiful. Life is full of those decisions, some big and some small but all important. Its hard to know if you're making the right one except for just feeling it. Thanks for sharing it.

June 1, 2011 at 1:05 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Thanks for letting me know. I haven't had any issues with the site, but I'll look into it.

Losing your kid anywhere is scary. I haven't even been able to go back to the mall since then.

June 1, 2011 at 1:07 PM  
Blogger Elaine A. said...

And sometimes the decision is made for you... (in my case).

Thanks for this heartfelt glimpse into your life.

June 1, 2011 at 1:23 PM  
Anonymous tracy@sellabitmum said...

Oh shell. So heartfelt. I love you.

June 1, 2011 at 2:02 PM  
Blogger shortmama said...

Some relationships are worth fighting for...and some are worth nothing!

June 1, 2011 at 2:36 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

It is all in that decision. I followed the 80-20 rule. Could I love 80% of him, our situation, our life together?

June 1, 2011 at 2:37 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

It's funny the timing of reading this...I just found out my ex got kicked out of the military for drugs...if I had stayed, I would have been the wife of a drug addict.
Great writing as per usual Shell!

June 1, 2011 at 3:07 PM  
Blogger LLA_Princess said...

thanks for sharing this. It is such a horrible and tough decision to make. thanks for making a perfect post to me today :)

June 1, 2011 at 3:13 PM  
Blogger KSK said...

It's so true... and weird to think about things like that... My last bf before Jerk Face cheated on me and got a girl pregnant... then he was drunk one night and shook that baby, it died and he's in prison... I sometimes wonder what if?

June 1, 2011 at 3:59 PM  
Blogger For the Love of Naps - Sarah said...

This is an incredible post. Isn't it amazing how in life you can look back and you can see where a path went in two or more ways and you chose the right path. Crazy.

June 1, 2011 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger crazedmama said...

My husband and I separated twice. It's a long story, but despite everything that happened, we always seem to come back together. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if we would have stayed apart and gotten a divorce. I'm glad you made the right choices for you!

June 1, 2011 at 4:49 PM  
Blogger Helene said...

The timing of this post is incredible. That's EXACTLY where Tim and I are at right now. But it seems we're always at a crossroads...things get better for awhile and then we get back to this point where we're virtual strangers raising kids together in the same home. He says I'm selfish if I "give up" but I feel like I'm making every possible effort I can...but at what cost? My happiness? I don't just don't know.

Thanks for sharing this...can you believe I'm not brave enough to even share this on my own blog?

June 1, 2011 at 6:12 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

It is a tough decision to know when to stay and when to go. I'm glad you made the right decision both times.

June 1, 2011 at 6:43 PM  
Blogger Lourie said...

That is great that you followed your heart no matter how hard(at the time) it may have seemed.

June 1, 2011 at 7:01 PM  
OpenID mamatrack.com said...

This is so true--any of us could have ended up on a different path, a worse path, if we chose differently along the way. I think about that a lot. What an eloquent expression of it!

June 1, 2011 at 8:19 PM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

So beautiful and powerful. I'm so glad that you did leave. Look at all the beautiful things you would have missed out on.
Plus, you needed to leave for YOU.

June 1, 2011 at 8:56 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

Great post! If I had left, I wouldn't have a beautiful 3 year old girl...or any of the life I have now. In fact, I can imagine it would be the complete opposite. I think, when it's right, even though everything in you says to leave...your heart won't budge. Mine wouldn't...no matter how bad I wanted it too. And we've made it work. Love this post...thank you for that.

June 1, 2011 at 9:59 PM  
OpenID bluecottonmemory said...

I am so glad that I waited, that I prayed, that God showed me someone I would never walk away from or that would every walk away from me. Being a child of divorce, that was my biggest fear - and God took that fear away!

It takes a strong woman to make the strong decisions. You are one of those women! Way to go!

June 1, 2011 at 10:12 PM  
Blogger bigguysmama said...

Sigh, I am crappy at making decisions. I haven't made one right one YET when it comes to men. Stay when I should've left each time. Sigh...Hope I can do it right one of these days. I'm not getting any younger.


June 1, 2011 at 10:34 PM  
Blogger Mommy Needs a Vacation said...

Such tough decisions. I love how you compared/contrasted leaving and staying...

June 1, 2011 at 10:54 PM  
Blogger Honey B. said...

Its amazing to think about what might have been...it never fails to make me SO grateful for what I have now. Good post!

June 1, 2011 at 11:01 PM  
Blogger The Blue Zoo said...

Absolutely! Im so glad I left the bad relationship I was in when I did.

June 1, 2011 at 11:31 PM  
Blogger WhisperingWriter said...

Beautiful post.

Relationships are definately tough. I debated leaving Tom in the beginning. I'm so glad I didn't and we worked everything out. Otherwise there would have been no Natalie. And my blog would have been boring.

June 2, 2011 at 12:15 AM  
Blogger Unknown Mami said...

I'm glad you listened to yourself. You obviously made the right choices.

June 2, 2011 at 12:48 AM  
Blogger Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Your heart knows best, Shell. Thank you for sharing, and thank goodness for good decisions!

June 2, 2011 at 1:10 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

You're so right. Thank goodness for making the right decisions. They sure are hard to see sometimes!

June 2, 2011 at 3:19 AM  
Blogger blueviolet said...

None of it is easy, and it's tough knowing if you're making the right call at the time. It's not until later that it really becomes clear.

June 2, 2011 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger Georgia Girls said...

Whatever the decision, look forward with renewed determination. The "what ifs" can torment you.

I loved the line "I would only have two boys, not three."

June 2, 2011 at 11:24 AM  
Blogger The Suburban Princess said...

I love this post. It's amazing how one decision can completely alter your entire life.

June 2, 2011 at 12:30 PM  
Blogger Kristin @ What She Said said...

I just wanted to tell you that you're "I decided to stay" portion of this post really resonated with me, for my own personal reasons. Wonderful perspective. Thank you.

What a great idea for a meme. I'll plan on linking up next week and in the future!

June 2, 2011 at 3:30 PM  
Blogger HopefulLeigh said...

Very well put, Shell.

June 2, 2011 at 9:07 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Just now commenting, sorry. My phone is being funky about blogger. :/
I was wondering what happened with the guy in the series you had written. Obviously you didn't marry him. But i wondered if you knew how his life turned out. I guess you do. Yikes. I am so glad things worked out for you and five years later you HAD decided to stay.

June 3, 2011 at 12:47 AM  
Blogger Charlotte said...

I think this is my very favorite PYHO post I have ever read, Shell. Knowing when to leave and when to stay is, as you said, one of the hardest decisions to ever make... but you have clearly made the right one. Thank you so much for your honesty and for crafting a post that really does speak to me.


June 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Hi, Shell... it's been a ridiculously long time since I've commented here. Life just happened and I haven't had much time to go to all my blogs. But I just read this post and loved it.

June 5, 2011 at 12:59 AM  

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