Pour Your Heart Out: The Baby Ache
We are coming up on ONE YEAR of Pour Your Heart Out! Trying to get some fun things planned for the anniversary. If you are interested in donating a prize, please let me know.
If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.
If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.
But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.
Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.
Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)
Yippeeeeeeeee! I can take a shower without worrying about someone getting superglue on the couch or cutting each other's hair. I can go to the grocery store without a child asking for treats. I can go to the gym without worry that I'll be called out of class due to a babysitting room mishap.
I can read blogs without mommy guilt.
Or, you know: do laundry, clean the house, etc.
Because we're moving away from the baby days. Onward to school days.
There are still two and a half years until all of my boys are in school full-time, but I can see it coming. A totally different way of life.
In some ways, it's exciting. Our boys getting older, more independent, doing new things.
We made the decision to be done having children. Snip, snip.
But, every once in a while, I see a little baby....and I get an ache. And yes, it happens when I see a baby boy OR a baby girl.
I miss those days of a tiny little baby curled asleep in my arms, sighing those adorable baby sighs. A baby small enough to cuddle, to carry, to fit their little heads right underneath my chin as they are held in my lap.
Instead, I have a 6 year old whose feet are almost as big as mine. A 4 year old who insists that he can do everything on his own. A 2 year old who insists he's already 3.
They are growing up. It's a proud mama moment.... but it's also a sad mama moment.
I sometimes gaze a little too long at the sweet little babies I see. With too much longing in my eyes.
Because it's hard to move on to a different stage of life, even when you think you are ready to move on.... knowing you can't go back.
Labels: pour your heart out
posted by Shell at
7:00 AM
89 Comments:
It is hard to move on, but so amazing at the same time. I spent some time with a newborn the other day (shocking as I don't really like newborns, right?) and waited for the urge to hit me, but it didn't. I think I'm dysfunctional!!!!
You could always volunteer at the nursery/NICU if you really need a fix!
I am happy with my decision to stop at two children. Then, last night at a children's consignment sale I was asked to hold a baby boy- one month old. He slept and I cuddled him. He smelled so good. I almost got teary eyed. Then, the mom came back to get him and I looked her straight in the face and she looked WORN out.
The, I remembered that part too and it made it a little easier.
Oh sweetie! My heart aches for you too. I also long for the days when my kids are grown....but I still have one more to bake before I can join your club.
Maybe you could offer to babysit for a little baby once a week? Help a new mommy out every once in awhile so she can get her me-time in and you can get some baby snuggles.
They grow up so quickly for sure..think of all that extra mommy time you will have..awesome!
Oh I so "hear' you on this... one of my biggest heartbreaks was not having a third child... I was upset about it when my marriage ended, especially when my ex went on to have TWO more... and when you are divorced at 30, you just assume it will still happen... and now I am almost 35, my kids are 8 and almost 7 and there is no one on the horizon and I feel the door closing and it makes me very, very sad, because there's a part of me that still feels like I'm not done.
I'm still too giddy after Monday night to link up today, although I think I just managed a mini PYHO in my comment. I think you will forgive me when you see my post *grins*
Hubby got snipped when I was pregnant with number 3. Funny how after5 #2 neary died from RSV and chicken pox seeinghim hooked to a ventilator I said I did not want any more kids. NONE. This baby making factory was closed my heart could not take that kind of thing happening again. So imagine my surprise when 5 months later I found out I was 3 months pregnant. Umm yeah.. I still have baby missing days. I watch the baby birth shows and weep, hard and long.. but then again I babysit my nieces and am reminded of how hard it is and go hmmm.. I am fine right where I am..
We are done, too, and most days I am ok with that. Until I'm not. And therein lies the difference between my husband and myself, because he knew for sure he was done the minute the pregnancy test was positive with our second!
My brother is planning on starting their family soon, and I am hoping that being an aunt helps with the baby ache a little when it hits!
Oh I totally identify with the baby ache, mine comes and goes but I'm happy to say right now it seems to be going... let's see how long it lasts.
We are done too, but I get that feeling you are talking about.
I also am sad at the thought of having a 2nd grader and preschooler next year. I wonder if that will make the baby ache worse.
I don't think having another child would stop that ache, it is normal. But man, does it stink when it hits. I love the baby phase, my only fault with babies is they grow too fast:)
A little more than 2 years before all of mine are in school all day. AS much as I want to see that new life, I can't. Maybe because it has been stretched out so long.
To my surprise, I still don't get the baby craving. Not sure that I will until. Maybe I can save it for the grandparent craving???
I feel you.
I have been trying for months to write a similar post.
You would think with five the decision to "snip" would have been a no brainer.
The regrets are just biology......right?
I am so with you. I have 3 boys of my own - 5, 3, and an almost 1 year old and though hubby and I agree that we are done (though the snip snip hasn't occurred yet), I find myself.- after looking at other newborn babies - longing for another: boy or girl. I think I could do 4 - even though at times I can barely wrap my head around 3. That baby ache is powerful. There really is something special about having a new little life to hold and care for.
I can relate since mine are 11 and 7now. Long gone are the baby days and although I really don't want and can't have any more, sometimes I do ache for the days when they were so small especially when I look at old pics of their little baby faces.
It isn't the little tiny babies that get to me (I look at them and feel tired LOL) but it is the one and two year olds that give me that little - very little - we should have had another one feeling.
Buster has just turned the corner with potty training. We are almost there. I can see the finish line. And while I'm so incredibly happy to be done with diapers (hopefully!) after 6.5 long years, it's also sad. And it makes me want to pull those tiny newborn diapers out and fill them with a new baby.
And then I think that I might be crazy.
So I understand. I really do.
I know many women who have those pangs... I have yet to experience it myself. Which is fine with me.
I also love having a church family- there's always a baby somewhere and always a need for volunteers in the nursery!
Sweet, sweet babies. I just can't get enough of them. I rock babies every week in our newborn nursery at church. It helps with that ache until we can have another.
I think getting the ache is a total natural part of life for all women...but just remember that pregnant chicks can't drink wine. :)
I am in the middle of the baby time. My OLDEST is 3.5 and my youngest is 2 months. I am trying to enjoy every day because soon they will be older and I will have the baby ache.
Oh but I desire to have days without them once in awhile. Yes, a nice shower without Tide being dumped all over the floor or dish detergent all over the dishwasher (at least I have kids that try to help clean LOL) would be wonderful.
Thank you for this reminder for me to enjoy the moments I have now.
oh and my normal blog is mamadweeb.com but like I told ya I started a new one - you can find it at anniesheart.com yay!!
thank you for this meme I love it!
My oldest is 11, my youngest is 6. Occasionally, I still get that "ache" when I see a tiny baby. Especially since I am now "fixed" and can't have anymore. But now I'm at a point in their lives and mine, that I'm okay with it. No more 2 AM feedings, changing poopy diapers and having food flung at me or the floor.
Aww Shell. While I have not been there yet, I can totally see through what you wrote, how you must be feeling. While it's exciting, it's like where did that time go?
I didn't start having baby aches until years after having my tubes tied. I think it was directly related to the sassiness of my children...maybe.
I wonder if that ever goes away...really. I can't remember NOT feeling that way since I first had Andrew. And you are EXACTLY right. It's a longing. I still feel it --even now. Which is why I think I am truly SAVORING this time home with this baby and every moment.
There are AMAZING moments with Andrew that I long for again...as a toddler, a young boy and even conversations we have now, that I know will pass all too soon.
Time is a funny thing.
After Lily, I still knew there was one more I wanted to have. MY struggle is the race with age versus wanting to enjoy HER so little and not be pregnant with another. For awhile, I went back and forth with it, but I still believe there's one more. My husband is on the same page almost all the time and then he has a moment where he doesn't think he's ready to share the baby time with Lily. :) (which makes me love him more!)
I'm not getting any younger!
I look at Andrew and I'm amazed at how quickly time goes! I am LOVING having an 11 year old and a 6 month old. He's so amazing with her.
I have been having that baby ache and it has been discussed about #3. We never did the snip, snip because we were leaving that option open. After taking the kids to Sea World this weekend it was nice to not worry about diapers, bottles and naps. But I still get that baby ache and think am I done? But then again....am I not?
I think we all have that feeling in our lives, especially during the child rearing stage of life when our babies aren't babies anymore. It's bittersweet.
I've had a major case of baby fever lately. I'm almost positive that we're done and my husband has very valid reasons for why he thinks we should be done. But the longing in me is still there.
When both of my kids started school, it took me some time to adjust. I do miss having a baby in the house, but the peace and quiet can be glorious!
We are also done and I am hoping for the snip, snip soon! He knows he has to do it. I do still have those uterus aches, but luckily everyone around me is having babies so I can visit with their babies and then go home and have a peaceful sleep!
There is a family at our church that sits in front of us and they have four kids (what I want) all school age. I look at them and I can't imagine being at a point where I don't have a baby...I know it will come and I will love it when I'm there it just seems so far away.
I had a more coherent thought, but you know, sleep deprivation :-)
I totally understand. I've been feeling this myself lately =/
Okay I still have a baby and this made me almost want another. Before I had my last baby for a while it was hard to know if we truly did want another as we were in some ways starting to get past that stage. But so so glad we did and knowing he is my last has made me just enjoy him that much more and while this was the best decision for our family for health reasons and I feel like it was the right thing to do at times I realize I am really going to miss this.
I hear ya about it being sad. I have a 10 and 9 year old and the more independant they get the harder it gets.
I get the baby ache, too.. my twins are 6 now and after I had them, I had a tubal ligation. When I see babies, I sometimes wish I could have one more.. then I remember how insane my 3 drive me some days.. and I also remember what it's like to have a baby: being up all night, no sleep, diapers, bottles, teething... ugh, no thanks! lol
Thanks for sharing this today! I'm in a strange stage in my life which I'm actually trying to put together to share today. But it's good to hear where another mommy is in the stages of life! Thanks as always for pouring your heart out!
I only have around 6 months until my youngest goes to KG. :(
This makes me unbelievably sad.
I love that you pointed out you ache when you see boy OR girl because everyone assumes that if you have only boys that you are dying for a girl. Not true.
I have the baby aches and my oldest is 4, Oy!
I went into it KNOWING Boo Boo La La would be my only baby ever. It makes me so sad sometimes when I look at how TALL she is - my only comfort is that even though she is five, she still LOVES to cuddle. Only on her terms of course.
I feel this. There are most decidedly parts of having an infant that I want no part of it, but all of the sweet, lovey parts? I miss those.
Mine is still a baby and I get sad sometimes. I know it's going to go by so fast. I try to appreciate every moment, even the fussy times.
I think I compartmentalize... My zumba instructor just announced she is pregnant and my first thought was "i don't want to get fat again" ...I know I know...right?! *sigh* I see my therapist next week. She'll probably bring it up and then I'll need a whole new therapy session just for how I'm supressing the fact that I won't ever have another child, heh. But I am beyond blessed and grateful doesn't even begin to touch how I feel about having Lil Duck!
I get it sometimes, definitely. I don't think I'm done. G-d willing I won't be, but at the same time, I know what you're saying. So if and when the time comes and I do have another, you'll be able to hold him or her for me, m-kay? When I'm tearing my hair out or whatever. G-d willing .. of course, I have no news to report. ;)
Oh can I ever relate. I think I might be free from that longing for the first time ever now that my smallest is about to go to school full time next year, but it was only recently. Up until then I kept thinking an accident might be nice.
I know what you mean and I still have a tiny baby to hold. I already feel the aching because I can now see how fast it goes and that pretty soon my 8 month old will also be too big to snuggle like this. I'm trying to enjoy the chubby thighs, and beaming toothless grins.
Shell: I think this ache is a little stronger when your kids happen to be all boys. I get the baby girl ache, especially around easter. When I see the sweet little girls in their spring dresses. I remind myself, I could end up with a fifth boy.
Or I look at the teenage girls who look like they forget to put all of their clothes on and say, "do I really want to parent a teenage girl?"
Instant cure!
Oh I am right there with you! We cannot have anymore birth kids, due to my screwy body, and adoption just seems so far away. I have MAD baby fever right now. Sigh... it's never easy, is it?
Next year is going to be a big shift in our family, too. Kate gone 5 full days and Maddie 3 mornings. And then we'll be living forever on the school's calendar!
Is it wrong for me to yearn for those days? I know though that once they are on the horizon I to will be sad and not ready to move on (considering I could barely part with the girls' baby clothes when I was cleaning out their closets recently).
Aw, Shell. Here's a big ((HUG)) for you today.
I'm done after only having 1...I mean, it's still possible for us to have more, but seriously, I almost died last time. I don't want a repeat. Anyway, I do get that baby ache though, sometimes, from time to time...I understand.
this fall, I will be in the same exact boat. All 4 of mine will be school for a few hours a day. I am looking forward to it but also, as I watch my kids run and play and act like kids and not babies, I am sad and even shed a tear or two.
Oh girl! I know that ache. I truly think we are done having babies...but the minute I think it (let alone say it) I want to take it back. It's a painful thought. But I have kiddos ranging from 12 to 2. I've been a mama for a really long time...and someday I'd like to retire. But what is that ache that pounds me down everytime I see sweet slumbering infant? Darn that desire to procreate...it gets me every time!!
I have such a hard time with this. My two year old is growing so fast...sometimes I just want to freeze him for a while. The silence will be deafening.
the good thing about babies is you can borrow one every now and then and get your fix without having to stay up all night or clean 3 years of poopy diapers. to me the newborn stage is not fun but i will miss the toddler stage when we are all done.
Facing an upcoming hysterectomy...I can tell you that I have so many mixed emotions about it, I don't even know where to start. My heart hurts at the thought of not having anymore (I had a tubal, but they can always untie the tubes, they can't stick a uterus back in). My head says enjoy it (all the kids are in school and you no longer have to pack everything but the kitchen sink when you go somewhere. There's a certain level of freedom).
I'm not sure I'll ever get over it...not truly anyway. Only time will tell.
since my son turned 2 last week ive been having baby fever... and now the temperature just got a little higher reading this
I sometimes see a baby and miss that stage.
Then I remember that I like my sleep and quickly forget about ever having another one.
It is so hard to realize these days are coming to an end. I had a similar feeling with my daughter's birthday a few weeks ago- turning 2 really turns a page! Just think of all the new trouble they'll get into now :)
You could always work at a daycare or something and be around babies :)
God has blessed me with a useful dislike of infants. If babies came out 2 years old and starting to talk, I would want one constantly. Since they instead show up with floppy necks and no ability to hold up their end of a conversation, I feel nothing.
It's taken me some time to appreciate this about myself. I started out thinking I must be a cold bitch.
The days when they're all in school will be a whole new world. It's exciting though. I think you'll like it!
We only have one child but my husband insists that we aren't going to have another. My sweetie will be 4 in May and everyday he looks more and more like a little boy not my sweet toddler anymore. I miss snuggling with him and i dont know its very sad but happy moment. Hugs bc i know that "baby ache" isnt easy
I have friends that say they knew when they were done...but how? I still don't know, and I have 4 under the age of 7...so to even consider having more must make me a sadist. But the ache is there sometimes...and I'm scared of making the wrong decision...
I have been working part time at a daycare with little babies the last few weeks...boy has it induced baby lust.
And then I think about the lack of showers (or interrupted ones at minimum) and the stinky diapers, the spit up, the late night feedings...and I become very content with my 2 boys!
:-)
I still think I want one sometimes then I keep Drex for 24 hrs. WOoOo! He wears me out! I don't have the wants so much since he's been around.
I was there but am so thankful for the snip snip! When I need my fix I visit my friend or my sister just had a baby. Now if only they stayed that cuddly baby forever ;)
You never know what plan God has for your life. I had my tubes tied during Charley's c-section. And God worked in so many weird ways to put me here with 4 kids (instead of just my 2 biological) and one of them is a tiny baby. Don't get me wrong, I am excited about the days of no diapers, potty training, or feeding them. I am just savoring my baby moments because I thought they had already come and gone. :-)
I am so not experiencing the baby ache yet. I think my kids broke that part of me that wished for babies... lol
Oh, I think these thoughts every day! You wrote it out so well. So true!
I look forward to the diaper and trantrums passing. I will miss JDaniel when he starts preschool in the fall. It is only six hours a week and I already dread it.
I can relate so much to how you are feeling. I am comfortable with being done have kids and I look forward to them being in school so much sometimes, but I'm like you, there are days I cling to whatever tiny bit of baby is left in each one of them. It passes too fast!
Maybe some day you can adopt?
We are done too...*snip snip* My baby is 5 now, in kindergarten. I get my baby fixes through younger friends. My niece is having a baby in July...that's a little depressing to think because she could be my daughter! Which means....*ahem* but I totally understand. It is kind of bittersweet. But there are some perks. ;)
Aw. How very sweet. So much to look back on and yet so much to look forward to.
Snip snip? Sounds serious.
So sweet, I love those baby sighs too! I don't have kids yet but this is a good reminder to cherish those moments!
Have an Extraordinary Day!
sorry I'm late, I read this yesterday and thought about it all day....but never got here to comment.
I feel the same way, maybe it's being 41 and knowing that it's just not feasible, or that we can't afford the 2 we have, or that we would probably have to do IVF again to get there, but yes I see a baby and I want one...another one, to try again..to start over. With ONE.
I completely understand, and those GIRL clothes that I am never going to get to buy,,,,well my heart wants them somedays too....Sigh.
xo
there are so many chapters to life, looks like you are heading into the next for yours. Don't you wish you could just peek ahead, just a little?
I imagine it is a hard stage and it'll probably be here for me too before I know it
Aww...this momma shed a couple tears for you. I think this is a post many moms can relate too!
You've only been blogging here a year? I thought it was longer. Happy Anniversary!
I can't relate to baby ache yet, but I get it with puppies! Potty training I hate, but they're just adorable and squishy and cuddly!
I found a picture of my son the other day. He was a few days old in the picture and I got a tinge of pain...can't get those days back. Life moves so fast.
Shell,
Thanks so much for visiting my blog. That was so sweet of you. I'm so glad I found your blog. The premise of it is so wonderful.
Much love,
-MBL
I never had that feeling until I recently signed Baby Girl up for big school! Now I'm kinda feeling the baby need. And both of us are fixed. me permantly.
I am done too and love the age of our kids...it is nice and some days so much easier. But now they have more of an opinion...or they are a bit sassy. Another stage of them growing up.
I totally get the baby ache. I am always doing the "what would happen if...." in my head. In the end though I always decide I can't. It would be waaaaayy too much. I also don't feel like it would be fair to my other three. *sigh* but that doesn't stop me from thinking about the "what if's".
I can relate. My husband was snipped immediately following baby #4's birth, and we were both dancing in the streets. We were DONE. But now that my baby is in kindergarten, I don't like my alone time quite as much as I thought I would.
I miss those little bitty days more now they are teens. Little Bitty was much easier and friendlier:)
Awwwww, Shell. Beautiful as always.
My kids are 10, 19 and 20 now
You will find every age has things you love about it.
Enjoy your boys!
that is all
I am so totally done, but yet I'm so terrified of making that permanent choice of snip snip!
Hubby had it done in Oct, although I was ALL for it I am pretty sure my uterus was crying just a bit :)
but this is what gets me thru those moments: Other people's babies. Remember other people's babies are always better!! a good friend of ours just had a baby a couple of weeks ago, we went to see him at the hospital I held him the entire time. as soon as we got home I told hubs we must go visit again in a couple of weeks, I will need another baby fix.
I still get the babyache now and then, but with a preteen and teen in the house, it goes away quickly! ;)
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