< Things I Can't Say: A Glimpse into the Mind of Hubs

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Saturday, December 19, 2009

A Glimpse into the Mind of Hubs

Much as he can irritate me, I do love Hubs.

I love how he can make me laugh.

I thought I'd share some of his sense of humor with you- to show you what this man is like who is married to moi.

So, I'll take you through his various comments as he was going through the big V, snip-snip, this summer. Warning: given what this is about, if the words balls or sack disturbs you, you might want to stop reading now.

First of all, when we were talking about it, I got the name of a doctor from my BFF, whose husband STILL hasn't told any family or friends that he had it done. Sorry, dude, but I think I pretty much know which husbands have had it done and which haven't- we women talk.

Anyway, the first time that Hubs met BFF's Hubby was at Bear and Cub's birthday party. Pretty much right after introducing them, Hubs says, "So, I have to know, how much does it hurt?" BFF's Hubby gives him a blank look, so Hubs continues, "When you had your balls cut?" That's more blunt than funny, though if you saw the look on the other guy's face when asked that question, you would have laughed.

It took Hubs about two months after that to call the office to set up an appointment.

As he was talking to the receptionist, he asked "How do they do this, anyway? If you mention a cherry bomb, I'm hanging up right now."

She just laughed at him.

Then, he asked how much this was going to cost him.

He wanted to play let's make a deal, so he asked, "If they don't use any anesthesia, will you give it to me for $250?"

They continued to chat and he found out that he needed to come in for a consultation and then scheduled his surgery. He asked, "So, who all is going to be in looking at my junk?"

C'mon- you know you would have loved to see the look on this receptionist's face during this phone call.

Next, he gets a thick envelope in the mail from the office with info about his snip.

So, he starts asking me about how he should groom himself for the visit and suggests different shapes. I was laughing so hard at his descriptions that I was literally crying.

BFF tells me(because of course I told her about this conversation) about this hair removal stuff called Magic that works really well on coarse hair and he could always use that.

I make the mistake of mentioning it to Hubs and he says, "Peanut, I don't need any more magic down in that area."

Time for the consultation.

He's being examined and he says to the (female) doctor, "Sooooo, while you're down there...." and the doctor burst out laughing.

He schedules his procedure- he can get in in just 2 weeks if he gets the traditional snip or he has to wait 3 months if he wants to wait for the doctor who does the "no scapel" kind.

He opts for the traditional because he wants to get it done soon and besides, "My swimmers are so strong, it will take a scapel to stop them."

He gets the procedure done, comes home and acts like a baby for the weekend, and then goes back to work(I wasn't there for it, so I don't know what he said during it, unfortunately).

Gets the nickname "Cowboy" from people at work...and he tells them, "Of course I'm walking like that, my sack is the size of a grapefruit or maybe a small dog."

Anyway, there's a little glimpse into the mind of the man I've been married to for almost 7 years. How I love him.

Labels:

23 Comments:

OpenID lifeissweet16 said...

Humor is important in a relationship. :-)

Happy Saturday SITS sharing day.

December 19, 2009 at 8:09 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

So funny! Gotta love a guy with a good sense of humor. And yikes! A grapefruit? How much is he exaggerating? I'm going to make sure my hubby doesn't read this!

December 19, 2009 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

Jdaddy is talking about having this done sometime soon. Since he's the one that WANTS it done, he will get no sympathy from me.

Your hubby sounds like he has a great sense of humor!!

December 19, 2009 at 8:56 AM  
Blogger Kathi said...

Shell, Thank you for stopping by from SITSfest. It's great to have a sense of humor like that in your marriage. I hope and pray your hubby safely arrives home from that snow storm. Kathi

December 19, 2009 at 9:18 AM  
Blogger Masala Chica said...

LOL. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into the mind of hubby. I am visiting from SITS and will stop by again. Come over too! Here is one I wrote about my own husband - he doesn't know I am ON TO HIM.

Kiran

http://masalachica.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-dear-john-letter.html

December 19, 2009 at 10:01 AM  
Blogger Manic Mommy Meg said...

That was hilarious and I can picture my man saying the exact same things - except he would never get snipped - he'd make me get fixed haha. Sounds like a keeper - laughter is extremely important in a relationship!

December 19, 2009 at 10:57 AM  
Blogger The Wifey said...

Now I -know- we could be best friends! You live in the Carolinas right? I hope we get stationed there in April; I may have to meet up with you. Haha. I can't believe he would actually say that to the nurse! LMAO.

December 19, 2009 at 12:00 PM  
Blogger Foursons said...

This sounds exactly like my husband. I cracked up through the whole thing because it sounds so familiar!

December 19, 2009 at 1:32 PM  
Blogger jennie.newland said...

sounds like you have you a pretty funny man there! Haha! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog, I hope to hear from you again soon!

December 19, 2009 at 2:07 PM  
Blogger Stephanie Faris said...

Life is never dull when you live with a funny man. My boyfriend was at Chick-fil-a last week and asked for Polynesian sauce with his chicken nuggets. He said, "I'd like three Polynesians." She reached into the sauce bin and he said, "No, three ACTUAL Polynesians." All the time, this is what my life was like. Someone asked the other day how long we'd been together and he said, "About an hour and a half, but the alcohol is starting to wear off."

December 19, 2009 at 2:31 PM  
Blogger Yankee Girl said...

That is so funny! My husband loves to say inappropriate things and make people laugh. A friend of ours has a new girlfriend, and the first question he asked him was "what's her shave job like?" I am always so proud that he's mine!

December 19, 2009 at 3:09 PM  
Blogger The Princess of Sarcasm said...

LOL....my hubby keeps me laughing constantly too! When he's 70 and everything is gone to pot....I will still be laughing. :)

December 19, 2009 at 3:34 PM  
Blogger WhisperingWriter said...

Your husband is funny :) My husband refuses to get the V done. He says, "No way, never." And I won't have my tubes tied because I gave birth and shouldn't have to.

December 19, 2009 at 5:37 PM  
OpenID kristibonney said...

This was hilarious! I'm dying here laughing my patootie off! How many times a day do you laugh or roll your eyes at him? LOL
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. You are my breastfeeding hero!

Kristi, Hello...Is This On?
@TweetingMama

December 19, 2009 at 6:00 PM  
Blogger mindij said...

It's not nice to make a girl snort like a pig while reading! :) Hilarious!

December 19, 2009 at 6:45 PM  
Blogger beenomom said...

Very funny! Props to your husband for having the courage to get it done! Mine refuses therefore I am going in on the 8th to have the Essure procedure done. I have to ask, does he know about this recent blog post? Too funny!!

December 19, 2009 at 7:08 PM  
Blogger Stone Fox said...

LMAO cherry bomb!! your husband has a great sense of humor.

my husband didn't think it was very funny when i kept telling people he had just been neutered. i can't imagine why.

December 20, 2009 at 12:50 AM  
Blogger Stacy said...

Too funny! I don't have a hubs, but I do have lots of friends who've had the ole snipperoo. Not fun from what I've heard!

You stopped by my blog a few weeks ago and I'm just now getting to yours. Boy have I missed out! I've read several of your posts...can't wait to read more. Now I shall stalk you.

P.S. I love cookies more than anyone on the planet...and maybe on Mars as well. If martians love cookies. And if not, well then I guess I still love cookies more then they do!

December 20, 2009 at 2:44 AM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

OMG! It's like we are married to the same man.

Men think talking about their junk is so amusing.

I guess they are really just always going to be little boys at heart! :D

December 20, 2009 at 3:20 AM  
Blogger Working Mommy said...

oh good grief!! men can be the biggest babies - and worst patients!! glad all is well now :)

~WM

December 20, 2009 at 3:02 PM  
Blogger kys said...

My husband's take on this was not humorous at all. He said "You don't want to know what they did to me". Idiot.

December 23, 2009 at 8:25 PM  
Blogger Michelle @ Flying Giggles said...

That is funny! I am sure it is nothing compared to giving birth!

February 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM  
Blogger Miss Welcome said...

Wonderful!! My husband is ultra sensitive and compassionate but has admitted he will never consider this. Given that I am now 40 and menopause is probably not that far away, I suppose I can just ride it out. :o)

August 10, 2010 at 12:43 PM  

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