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Monday, September 6, 2010

Friends You Love Blog Hop: Ice Cream for the Soul


Welcome to our first Friends You Love Blog Hop!

This month is about building friendships and making our existing friendships stronger...

We challenge you to dig into your "followers" list and find a follower you don't know well (someone who doesn't comment regularly) and reach out to them and ask them to do a guest post on YOUR blog. Link up with your guest post and have your new friend (guest poster) link up as well!

We will be running this blog hop every Monday this month, so spread the word, spread the love, and darn it, go make some new friends!

I wasn't sure who to ask for this first week of the FYL Blog Hop. After all, I wasn't supposed to ask the people who first pop into my mind when I think about needing a guest poster. You know, the people who comment all the time, whose blogs I read every single day, whom I feel like I know really well.

So, I turned to twitter and thought of who I sometimes tweet with, but maybe we are not each other's blog regulars. And that made me think of Debi aka @truthfulmommy who blogs at The TRUTH About Motherhood.  She is doing a Be a Better Me(You) challenge right now that is definitely worth checking out. Having moved around quite a bit myself, I definitely relate to her guest post today.

It seems that I learned one of life’s most important lessons from my preschooler. Last fall, my then 4 year old used to come home everyday chanting the phrase, "Mommy, to have a good friend, you've got to be a good friend!" I thought it was cute. It sounded blissfully simplistic; almost childish but the more I thought about it, it was one of the truest facts of life. I listened, actually took the advice to heart, and examined some of my own relationships.

This simple phrase made me conclude that you get out of a relationship what you put in and if you are not, if the friendship is unrequited, then it’s time to end the relationship. Don’t expect more out of a friendship then you are willing to put into it. As one of my closest friends once told me in reference to having a real friend, " It's like coming home." It is the feeling of being safe and secure to be you and be accepted and loved unconditionally. That is what I want out of a friendship. It’s what I am willing to give and what I expect in return. I am not one for superficial friendships; I do not have the time or energy to play that game at this point in my life. If I call you my friend, I genuinely think of you as my friend, as my family.

Last year, my husband lost his job and I had to leave everything and everyone I knew behind. This deeply saddened me because I had finally made two close friends after 4 years of living in that city. I hated to leave them because as a busy adult with children it is a remarkable feat to develop a real friendship, if not impossible. Nevertheless, I had to go. I was afraid of no support system. I thought for sure the friends I left behind were going to forget about me and once again, I would have to start all over.

When we first arrived in Virginia, I was new and knew absolutely no one. To my surprise, the women I met there would prove to be some of the most wonderful and genuine women I will probably ever meet. They invited me into their lives, their hearts, and their families. They were supportive and amazing. They made me feel like I was at home, even though I was hundreds of miles from where my "family" and friends lived. I had never experienced anything like this before in my life. Who knew you could form such true friendships and quick bonds with other women in such a short amount of time, especially as an adult. We left Virginia without a job but much richer people. I left with a heavy heart, and I miss these women and their amazing spirits. We may be geographically apart but they will always be in my heart. They took me in, extended friendship and sisterhood, when they did not even know me. It wasn't for any reason other than to be kind to another human, but they will never know how much that kindness meant to me at that time and will always mean to me. I miss our talks, long walks, saying hi in the hallways, sharing our children’s firsts in life, our laughter, prayers, the cocktails when we needed to decompress, but most of all I will miss their sisterhood.

They taught me about real friendship and inspired me to be a better friend. I just hope I can spend my life living up to the standard that these ladies have set. It was a hard if not very valuable life lesson to learn. Friendships are vital and can make or break you. If all Mommies, women, could have the kind of bond that nurtured and supported one another like my friends in Virginia did for me...the world would be a better place. Just remember, as my 4 year old once told me, "To have a good friend, you've got to be a good friend!"

Thanks to Debi for stepping out and guest posting for me! I hope that some of you will go meet her!

Please visit some of the links below! Maybe the blog you go to will be a new one for you or maybe their guest poster will be. Show them some love and make new friends!

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Blogger Cheeseboy said...

Very cool. Virginia sounds like a nice place with all those kind ladies. I'll have to check out her blog.

September 6, 2010 at 1:05 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

Off to meet a new friend!

September 6, 2010 at 1:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LOVE Debi! She has been such a good friend to me. I'm very glad we met through blogging. And, I'm very glad you chose her to be your guest blogger.

September 6, 2010 at 1:55 AM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

What a lovely friendship post and a great reminder. That saying is absolutely perfect.

September 6, 2010 at 1:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aww, I love that advice! And it is just so simple and so true. =)

September 6, 2010 at 2:24 AM  
Blogger Adoption of Jane said...


September 6, 2010 at 6:29 AM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

So I have to tell you... I took some time Saturday morning to go through my followers list and pick a few I that I hadn't heard from that might work well for this Blog Hop and wouldn't you know... every one of them either didn't have a contact listed or were "no-reply@blogger" SO FRUSTRATING! I finally gave up! :) *vent over* now I'm going to go read your blog hop! :)

September 6, 2010 at 7:49 AM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Okay, back and less whiny :) Great post... I'm in a position right now where I don't have the time to devote to my friendships that I used to... I'm needing to get back more than I'm putting in and I'm so grateful to those friends that are willing to do the extra work for me right now!

September 6, 2010 at 7:51 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

Love how children's innocence can set things straight for us sometimes.

September 6, 2010 at 8:05 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

I loved this post! It speaks to me right now, b/c there has been some talk of a move and I'm afraid to go far. I'm not sure what God has planned there, but I should be more open to whatever it is. Thanks for that reminder!

Shell, great guest! I love this hop idea and will be back with a new friend! :)

September 6, 2010 at 8:11 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

In fact, I'm going to add the Friends you Love button to my page now, and spend time today reading instead of posting! :)

September 6, 2010 at 8:13 AM  
Blogger Daffy said...

What an awesome reminder of what friendship really is! And so very very true

September 6, 2010 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger Truthful Mommy said...

Thanks so much for asking me to post. And thank God for twitter because now I have a great new friend to add to my blogs I adore list!You rock, my friend! I am also getting ready to check out some of these awesome blogs who have linked up! Happy Mothering!

September 6, 2010 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

She is lucky to have found such great friends. It's something I still struggle with in the city I live in.

September 6, 2010 at 10:25 AM  
Blogger That One Mom said...

What a great post and what a truly amazing experience. I've been in my home 10 years and have yet to feel so welcome in my town. What a gift.

September 6, 2010 at 11:40 AM  
Blogger Kisma said...

This is a great post!!!! We moved home after being away for six years and from all the trouble we went through with being in a neighborhood full of "desperate housewives" only worse then that actual show, I was and am still not in a hurry to make friends. Its a new territory for me as I am a social butterfly and have noticed the drain its put on me.

But I agree that friendships like any relationship are give and take. What you put in is what you get back and if its all one sided, time to let go.

September 6, 2010 at 12:25 PM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

Sweet and simple advice. My favorite.

September 6, 2010 at 1:10 PM  
Blogger Kimberly@PrettyPinkMomma said...

What a great story! I feel the same right now. I have lived where I live for the last four years and now that I finally really love it - my husband is facing a transfer, which means we may be moving to another state. If that's the case I hope that I will be lucky enough to find some "Virginia" gals of my own.

September 6, 2010 at 2:34 PM  
Blogger Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

What a great idea...I am going to write about the hop one day this week

September 6, 2010 at 4:03 PM  
Blogger RN Mama said...

Wow, this sounds like a really fun blog hop! I'm just not so sure anyone would want to guest host for me!

September 6, 2010 at 7:06 PM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

you guys are Kicking A on this friendship month!

September 6, 2010 at 9:11 PM  
Blogger Pradeep Sagathiya said...

Nice blog.....


September 7, 2010 at 1:54 AM  

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