Fairness: I didn't learn it from my mom

I always struggle with what is fair between my kids.

They are close in age and are starting to notice these things.

When one gets something or gets to do something, I have to figure out how to balance it with the others.

But, here's an example of how NOT to do this.

Brought to you by my boys' grandparents, who spoil Monkey rotten, only occasionally notice Cub every once in a while and then only to say how cute he is, and completely ignore Bear.

They showed up at our house on Thursday with presents for the boys.
For Monkey: 3 games, 2 puzzles, 5 books, and a set of legos.
For Bear: play tools that were attached to this little truck thing that sang.
For Cub: a ball

Now, I was impressed that they actually mentioned that they noticed how much Bear liked tools, so that's why they bought that for him...

But, Monkey starts yelling that he wants Bear's truck. And Grammy tells him that he can have it.

Bear starts to cry, as Grammy takes the truck out of his hands and hands it Monkey.

Grammy tells Bear that he has to share...though when he reaches for Monkey's legos: she tells him no, that those are for Monkey.

This morning, Monkey manages to smash Bear's tool truck to the point where there is no way to fix it and it had to go in the trash can.

Then, we all went shopping so that they could pick out a birthday present for Monkey.

I do not expect something for the other boys.

However!

Monkey picks out this gigantic superheros castle thing.

Something that both boys can easily play with together.

And they share for a while.

And then Monkey decides he's done and tells Grammy that she has to put it away.

She listens and Bear SOBS as if his little heart was breaking.

I go to get it and Grammy tells me NO, that Monkey wanted his toy put away.

I whirled around and told her, "You told Bear that he had to share the ONE toy that you brought for him and then Monkey broke it. Why does Bear have to share and Monkey doesn't? I don't think so. Here you go, Bear, you can play with it."

Now, you might say that I'm not being fair, that it really is for Monkey's birthday and he should have the right to decide to put it away.

But, Bear isn't hurting it.

And they have to share pretty much everything.

And do a good job at it, usually.

It's only an issue when Grammy is here and favoring Monkey.

And how fair is it that Monkey broke Bear's toy and now Bear doesn't have something new to play with? (Btw, he did not accidentally break it- he acts like a BRAT when his grandparents are around and he maliciously broke it on purpose- because he knows the grandparents will think he's cute and funny for doing this)

It's hard enough for me to work out what is fair, as far as my kids are concerned, but to have the added stress of the way that the grands act like only one of my kids matters...

Is it any wonder that I am now on wine bottle #2 since they arrived 2 days ago?