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Friday, December 4, 2009

Letters of Intent: to my family

Letters of Intent

Got something you need to get off your chest? Click the button and play along!

Dear Grammy and Papa(aka my parents):


Since you have already committed these atrocities in the first 8 hours of your visit, I thought I would clearly lay out for you the rules for the remainder of your visit and any future visits.


First of all, you are NOT to show up EIGHT HOURS ahead of schedule and then be pissed off that I am not at home. You took a plane to get here, so you obviously knew when you were getting in. Since I did not think that you would be arriving for another EIGHT HOURS, I was off picking my children up from preschool when you arrived. You are not allowed to be pissed off about this. Next time, be honest about when you are coming in. I'm not sure what you thought you would "catch" me doing by showing up that early, but it was obnoxious.


Next, Bear(or any of my children) is not allowed to play with a jellyfish on the beach. If that is what he is attempting to do and you tell me he is fine, I might just throw said jellyfish at you.


Also, please refrain from bringing an entire suitcase worth of crap for my children. I know you want to spoil them, but you could have bought them each one semi-nice thing for the amount you spent on the useless crap that I will surely throw in the trash the second you are gone. We have enough clutter, thanks.


You also need to recognize that you do, in fact, have 3 grandchildren in this house. I can count n one hand the number of words you have said to Bear since you arrived. I almost hope he reverts to an old habit and BITES you.


No using a game of memory to try to explain the concept of socialism to Monkey. Also, no bringing up Rush anymore, because I don't want to go through that again.


Btw, you can't ask me if I've gained some weight(I'm not the size 0 or 2 that I used to be, but a size 4 is nothing to sneeze at- and it's not like this is something new, it's called having 3 kids). Nor can you open up all the closets in my house- no, I didn't throw junk in there to hide clutter, they are all organized and there's nothing "secret" in there, but it's still rude to go through someone's house and open up every closet you come to.


There's more, but my head just might explode if I think about it any more at this point, though you can pass this message along to my siblings: I went to an extraordinary amount of effort to collect money from you so that we could pool it all and buy each of your children one big, nice gift on each of their birthdays. So, it totally sucks that you are not doing that now that one of my children is having a birthday. And, in fact, unless you are sending belated gifts, only one of you even bothered to send a present. So, if you think that I will be the birthday fairy and be sure that your children get AWESOME presents from the group next time their birthdays roll around, you are mistaken. I'll go back to getting them something on my own. If you can't be bothered to put any thought or effort into my kids, I'm not going to bust my butt for your kids next time, even though I love them. Seriously, you SUCK.
-someone who wishes her family could just love each other, instead of acting insane

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22 Comments:

Blogger Sarah said...

Ha! This is really funny. Sometimes having family visit is really hard. I completely agree with the wine thing you wrote on SITS. Sometimes it's necessary when fam is visiting!

December 4, 2009 at 8:32 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

So funny! I go through some of those same things. Since when is a size 4 not good enough after 3 kids? I don't care if my sister after 20 years finally got there because she didn't have three kids first! And ignoring a grandchild, my MIL does that to my little one! Now I'm all mad! lol

December 4, 2009 at 8:57 AM  
Blogger kys said...

We have some of the same family issues, my friend. And a size 4 is awesome - kids or not!

December 4, 2009 at 9:01 AM  
Blogger tinahead81 said...

oh, you said some of the very same things i've been thinking about my mother in law! hope it helped to get it off your chest. size 4?! that beats my 12! lol

December 4, 2009 at 9:04 AM  
Blogger ShellSpann said...

I love this! I might do this later today :)

December 4, 2009 at 9:20 AM  
Blogger Foursons said...

Oh gosh girl. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. How long are your parents staying?

And if I were a size 4 I'd be looking for modeling gigs- or at least a sugar daddy. I don't think I was ever a size 4!

Thanks for linking up- I hoped it helped you feel a little better writing all of this!

December 4, 2009 at 9:38 AM  
Blogger The Mommyologist said...

That stinks that they are giving you a hard time about being a size 4...that is tiny!! Hope that things start to improve!!

December 4, 2009 at 10:38 AM  
Blogger Working Mommy said...

LOL!!! Now, don't you feel better?!?!

~WM

December 4, 2009 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Mommy Lisa said...

Holy crap - all I can think is that you are a size 4 after three kids. If I were a size 4 EVAH , I would have taken tons of naked pictures of myself and put them on the internet. ;)

My in-laws are the same way, but they pay attention to all the grandkids EXCEPT my husband's and mine.

December 4, 2009 at 12:09 PM  
Blogger Shell said...

I still have a mommy tummy, even though I can hear a size 4, so no naked pics! LOL Though I regret not doing that before kids, when I was a size 0!

I love being able to vent and get this all out!

My parents are leaving on Sunday...supposedly. Since they lied about their arriving flight, I won't trust their departing time until they actually walk out the door!

December 4, 2009 at 12:36 PM  
Blogger Kmama said...

can families act any way other than insane? I cannot believe they showed up 8 hours early though. I would have been pissed!!

December 4, 2009 at 1:06 PM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

Old people rock no?

December 4, 2009 at 1:28 PM  
Blogger Corrie Howe said...

Families...how does the saying go? "You can't pick your family."

December 4, 2009 at 2:25 PM  
Blogger Steven Anthony said...

family.....truly who thought this thing up, they can truly drive you to distraction, I know mine do any way...,.

chin up, holiday visits will be over soon;)

December 4, 2009 at 2:45 PM  
Blogger Stone Fox said...

dear family: if you don't like it, GTFO.

i would probably freak out if my family was whipping open closet doors. either that or i'd shove em in there and put the lock on.

December 4, 2009 at 3:33 PM  
Blogger Rudy Rukus said...

Sorry that sucks! Do they read your blog? And if they do will they get it? haha

December 4, 2009 at 3:58 PM  
Blogger blueviolet said...

I can't believe anyone is hassling you for being a size 4. Quite frankly, weight shouldn't be mentioned as it's usually an offensive topic.

I'm sorry that you've been having a tough time with this visit. I'm not a fan of some of my family, that's for sure, so I can relate.

December 4, 2009 at 4:00 PM  
OpenID saltsays said...

Uggg I can totally relate to some of this (my mother is a nosy closet opener too...what's up with that!?)

I'm sorry they are being such pains! (Although I have to admit the socialism using a memory game thing CRACKED me up. As did your Rush post.)

December 4, 2009 at 4:31 PM  
Blogger I'm a full-time mummy... said...

That was hilarious! Great post! Thanks for stopping by my blog from SITS! Have a great day!

December 4, 2009 at 9:48 PM  
Blogger Jess @ Frugal with a Flourish said...

Yikes! I feel your pain darlin - my mom asked me how much I weighed last year (as I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner for her no less) and then when I responded she said "yeah I weigh +5 pounds that, but I never weighed that much before I have kids." Thanks for calling me fat mom - Happy Thanksgiving. Sigh! Hope you make it through the visit!

December 4, 2009 at 11:10 PM  
Blogger Helene said...

Uh, are we related somehow?? You just described my mother to a T!! And my MIL is always buying useless crap for the kids which I promptly throw out after she leaves.

I can't believe your parents have the gall to harp on you about your weight!!! A size 4 is nothing to balk at!!

Thanks for stopping by my blog - hope you'll be back again soon!

December 5, 2009 at 1:54 AM  
Blogger Twincerely,Olga said...

I am so loving you !! Your parents kinda suck!! I am snaggin your button!

December 5, 2009 at 8:59 AM  

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