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Friday, December 18, 2009

Where I Sound Like a Lush and a Snob...

I'm showing you the terrible parts of me today. I try to be a "good person," but I sometimes fail miserably. Last night was one of those times.

Yesterday, I was telling you all how I've become a hermit but that I was going to go to a cookie exchange with women that I've never met from a online message board.

In an effort to get to know people, I decided to go(LMAO if you really believe it's for that reason and not because I just love cookies).

There was a list on the message board of things that people were bringing, including drinks.

But, then, yesterday morning, there's a message that alcohol is NOT PERMITTED at the event.

WHAT is that about?

See how I'm already starting to sound like a lush, getting upset at this?

But, to tell a group of grown women that they aren't allowed to have alcohol is ridiculous.

But, apparently, it's one of the bylaws of the bigger organization that this message board is a part of and they got smacked down by some higher up and told that they can't have alcohol.

Still sounding like a lush for being upset- but, when my hermit-self does get to go out, I do like to enjoy a drink or seven. No, really just one or maybe two, depending on how long I'll be there, since I have to drive home.

I thought maybe it would be a situation where they would say that on the board and then, once we were there, the hostess would say(as I would if I were the hostess), "Sorry that I can't serve you any alcohol. Look at all I bought for the party, sitting right there on the counter. I'm going to go over there while you fix yourself a drink. " *insert cheesy wink here*

But, it was not to be. They stuck to their policy. CRAPTASTIC.

I'm much more relaxed when I've had a drink(see the whole lush thing still?). But, I didn't know any of these women and I tend to be an introverted person. Not shy, but introverted- if you are like me, then you totally understand the difference. So, a drink helps. No, I don't actually need one, so I guess that's why I'm not really a lush, I just play one on tv...sound like one on my blog.

Now let's get to the part where I sound like a snob.

I walk into a room of 11 women. I am not the type of person who is friends with everyone and just loves every single person I come into contact with.

I can be friendly to everyone, but I'm selective when it comes to whom I let into my little circle.

If you are clingy,or say really stupid things or say judgemental things(hello kettle, this is the pot...you do realize you're black, right? Yeah, yeah, I know.), I'm probably going to scoot away from you.

If you make faces about the thought of ever having a boy, I will move away. Especially if you tell me that boys are just so gross and no fun to shop for. Thanks for your brilliant insight on my children.

If you try to engage me in a conversation about how you think that formula is evil and breast is best, while a woman in the room is bottle-feeding their baby, I will excuse myself to get a drink. Darn, have to settle for cider. I did breastfeed my babies, but I am of the mind of what you do with your boobs is your business and what I do with mine is my business(and Hubs').

Speaking of boobies, I don't want to see the gigantic tattoo of your husband's name across your massive cleavage. Put that stuff away.

And, if you are not even of age yet(or even if you are, but said person was not yet 21), I do not want to hear about all the clubbing that you do and how you leave your newborn with a 12 year old babysitter while you are out getting trashed. I want A drink, not to be "smashed." Oh and when you are talking about doing this while your Marine husband is deployed to the Middle East, I really don't want to hear about what your cheating ass does.
Oh, and I think you already know how I feel about people who don't eat a thing at a party.

I did find some nice people to talk to. They were the ones saying they wished we could have had a drink and I told them that we should spike the cider when no one was looking- and they agreed. My kind of people.

So, there you have it- me at my absolute ugliest(or close to it, anyway). I'm not always like that, but it's a side of me that does come out sometimes and I wouldn't be being honest with you if I pretended otherwise.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could be my best friend, Shell. You really could. Loved the part about the business of boobies! And that Marine thing really hit home with me... I know far too many women who are cheating on their hubbs whilst they are away taking care of business overseas. Makes me sick.

December 18, 2009 at 1:12 AM  
Blogger Herman said...

I agree with you - I've always been selective about my friends, but now I seem to have become a snob about it! Mom's groups can be such a random blend of people, can't it!


December 18, 2009 at 5:56 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

You should have spiked your dip. LOL If this is you at your "worst," you've done pretty darn good I think. I find it shocking that an online board "manager" can declare where there can & can not be alcohol.

December 18, 2009 at 6:15 AM  
Blogger Vodka Logic said...

I guess I'm a lush and a snob too.

December 18, 2009 at 7:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think you were at your worst either! This kilt me: "Put that stuff away." LOL. Happy Friday!

December 18, 2009 at 7:33 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

That's exactly how I am when I'm with new people. I guess I fall into the lush/snob category, too!

I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing something that shows a little cleavage, but people are there to meet/talk to YOU, not your "girls".

December 18, 2009 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger Ash said...

I would so be your wingman and give you cover as you dump the flask into the punch bowl.

The boy comments, ah yes. That's when you point to the underage hoochie mama stepping out on her newborn and patriotic hubs and say "yeah, gotta get me one of those!"

Merry Christmas!!!

December 18, 2009 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger The Princess of Sarcasm said...

Next time drink before you leave the house......

December 18, 2009 at 9:50 AM  
Blogger Yankee Girl said...

Carry a bottle of water that is actually full of vodka. No one will know the difference.

December 18, 2009 at 11:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am not very good at meeting new people. I would have spiked the drinks :)

December 18, 2009 at 11:30 AM  
Blogger Helene said...

Fill a water bottle with vodka and tell everyone it's just water. Or just gulp a glass of wine before you leave home next time. I'm the same way....I need a drink or two to loosen up around people I don't know. That's when I say stupid things though so you probably would've avoided me anyway, even with the alcohol in my system...LOL!

December 18, 2009 at 11:40 AM  
Blogger Meg @ Higgins Happenings said...

Im the queen of selective friends especially if it's with women so I'm right there with you fo sho! :) And a drink just helps to calm the nerves - there's nothing wrong with that! I just can't believe they were DRY! but sounds like you may have found some friends so thats awesome! I dont think your lush or a snob at all!

December 18, 2009 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

You are a brave soul! I tend to have social anxieties in a group of people especially people I really don't know. And, I don't drink! So, I'm screwed there!!

Stopping by from SITS

December 18, 2009 at 11:47 AM  
Blogger Foursons said...

You don't sound like a snob to me at all. The tattoo lady, the stupid 20 year old, and the moms who think that they do it all the right way are not someone I will be friends with either. Well- maybe the tattoo lady, but don't flash it to me upon first meeting. Just sayin'.

I'm glad you met a couple of kindred souls. Hopefully you'll get together again!

December 18, 2009 at 11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whats the word for a guy lush? I think I must be one and a snob cause I agree with ya...and really, that was your worst? Im gonna have to call ya snow white now, cause boy I can be allot worse than that;)


December 18, 2009 at 11:57 AM  
Blogger Suburban Scream said...

Are you offended by the tattoo or the cleavage?

You should have just made plans with the few gals you liked to go out for a drink after the cookie exchange.

December 18, 2009 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger The Mommyologist said...

I was at a baby shower recently with no booze and thought my head was going to explode. Iced tea and water? No thanks!

December 18, 2009 at 12:07 PM  
Blogger Taylor Stoddard said...

So minus the whole lush thing (lol) you sound just like me! I'm also introverted - not really shy. There IS a difference.

All the people who you described - I'd stay away from them too.

I think I'm becoming a hermit as well... I really should get out more and find some other like-minded mommy friends, but that would require a) A car and b) Actually leaving the house.

Ugh, I just want my BFF back! lol

December 18, 2009 at 12:44 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Well if that is ugly then I am ugly too!! LOL My sis says it sounds like I wrote this one! ;0)

December 18, 2009 at 1:05 PM  
Blogger I'm a full-time mummy said...

If I am you, I don't think I would've gone at all. I'm really shy and hermit like and I don't even drink! :(

Great post btw & thanks for visiting my blog! :D

December 18, 2009 at 1:27 PM  
Blogger danita said...

v. funny! i completely agree with you!

December 18, 2009 at 1:45 PM  
Blogger MommyLisa said...

Okay - that is about like an alumni event I went to once. We typically would go to the bar, get a glass of wine and bring it into lunch with us where we could order more when the waiter came around.

NO DICE at this luncheon. The rules changed and if collegians are present, no alcohol.

WTF? I drove out 60 minutes to this golf course lunch for NO wine? I did not get out much at the time with a new baby, I was looking at this as a time to be social with friend old and new and have a glass of wine. Instead I was made to feel BAD that I had the glass of wine and sat in the bar to finish it by myself.

I almost left. But I had paid for lunch.

I sound like a lush and a cheap beyotch! ;)

December 18, 2009 at 2:17 PM  
Blogger Karin Katherine said...

Sometimes I think I'm not really a people person either. I really don't like everyone I meet and apparently people who define themselves as "a people person" apparently do like everyone.

I don't really drink mostly because I don't like the taste of most alcohol but I don't have a problem with people having a drink, or seven (as long as they aren't driving home). You can come over any time. I'll sure you where we keep the alcohol. Just don't let my husband know I met you online! LOL

December 18, 2009 at 3:03 PM  
Blogger Karin Katherine said...

Whoops---I mean SHOW you where we keep the alcohol.


December 18, 2009 at 3:04 PM  
Blogger Bibi @ Bibi's Culinary Journey said...

Hello...where have you been all my life?

But truly, I love your post. You sound just like me.

Stopping by from SITS and coming back

December 18, 2009 at 3:28 PM  
Blogger Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

I was chuckling to myself throughout your post. I like your idea of having this as a place where you can say what's on your mind.

December 18, 2009 at 4:39 PM  
Blogger Ma What's 4 dinner said...

I love you!!! Here's the best part. When I was in college (before cell phones) we all had land lines. So the whole school was on the same exchanges 352-xxxx was dorm rooms and 353-xxxx was offices so you only had to dial 2-xxxx to call your friends and only memorize the last 4 numbers, which is good when you're drunk at a bar and trying to remember the number for a booty call. Anyway guess what my number was. 352-5874. That's 2-5874, or 2-LUSH!

See, soul sisters. :)


December 18, 2009 at 5:03 PM  
Blogger Amy @ Marvelous Mommy said...

LOL Do you feel better now that you got that out?!? I know exactly what you mean. You should of had a drink before you went! LOL

December 18, 2009 at 5:13 PM  
Blogger Pale said...

Too funny. Your post, not the party. This is my kind of post.

If it was going to be painful, at least they could serve sedatives.

It stinks being in a new town. My experience has been that you have to kiss a lot of frogs in the mommy pond. Unfortunately it's a very broad demographic. Broads of every shape and disposition. I still haven't figured out a way to stack the odds in my favor. It's too bad you can't shop for friends speed dating style. But I'm pretty jaded at this point ... ding!



December 18, 2009 at 8:15 PM  
Blogger InspiredDreamer said...

The thing I love about blogging is it lets you come clean about parts of yourself, but in a humorous way. I totally get what you're saying, and doesn't it feel better to get it all off your chest? Good for you for going to the party though--if nothing else just remember if you go out, even to a craptastic party, you'll always have something to blog about later. :)

Have an Extraordinary Day!

December 18, 2009 at 8:32 PM  
Blogger Stone Fox said...

snobby lush? HARDLY. more like "real person." i really admire your restraint; weren't you SO tempted to speak your thoughts at these rude women?

December 18, 2009 at 10:40 PM  
Blogger Jessica Jones, ATL Mom of 3 said...

Will you be MY friend? I don't have a tatoo on my boob...

I am TOTALLY stalking you now! Thanks for stopping by www.atlmomguide.com

December 19, 2009 at 12:49 AM  
Blogger AiringMyLaundry said...

I'm the same way too. I tend to relax more with a drink.

I also hate those creepy mothers who talk about how breast is best. Or how their kid is a genius. I'm all, "Blah blah blah," in my head.

December 19, 2009 at 1:17 AM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

Shell, if THAT was you ugliest, or close to it, that's nothing babe!


December 19, 2009 at 1:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. It's crazy how much we have in common! I've been a hermit lately too, but can't stand the thought of having to socialize with the cheating party girl or boob lady. I might be convinced to go out if cookies and drinks were involved... but only if my 12 year old baby-sitter was free!

December 19, 2009 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger Working Mommy said...

Ok...meeting up with a bunch of women who you've never met before - kinda sketch...and who WOULDN'T need alcohol when at this meeting?!?! No alcohol is BAD - and if that makes you a lush then I am too!!


December 19, 2009 at 1:11 PM  
Blogger BonBon Rose Girls Kristin said...

You and I are cut from the same cloth. Since I've been a SAHM I've been so bad about getting involved with mommy groups and crap. Enter hermit. You should have smuggled in a flask. Ah ha ha

December 19, 2009 at 9:30 PM  
Blogger becca said...

As you know, the no drinking at a mom's dinner is million kinds of WRONG. I would not have been able to deal. And if you're a snob, I don't even know how to describe myself. I agree with everything you wrote. The problem is that after these kinds of get togethers where I come home stewing over what people said to me about my kids, about the way I parent, about how how wonderful their kids are... I am turned off and become even MORE of a hermit. It's so hard to meet REAL people- one's I can relate to!

December 20, 2009 at 7:38 AM  
Blogger Sarahviz said...

Honestly? I totally think you and I would be friends!

December 21, 2009 at 11:33 AM  
Blogger Corrie Howe said...

Honest is good. It makes you real. And when you are real, you are easy to like.

December 21, 2009 at 1:20 PM  
Blogger Tracie said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

December 23, 2009 at 8:21 PM  
Blogger Tracie said...

Sorry for the delete!

Next time bring a flask in your purse. It will make the annoying people more tolerable. (Another secret to a long marriage, btw.)

December 23, 2009 at 8:22 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

My my my...we are like 2 peas in a pod. Seriously!

We are going to have a hoot at the Bloggy Boot Camp!

January 8, 2010 at 8:09 AM  

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