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Monday, December 14, 2009

Swinging my golf club

Supahmommy and MommyBrain 's question of the week, from the mind of Princess of Sarcasm, is: who are 5 people/things you would like to swing a golf club at?

I'm not normally a violent person, but I'll play along anyway. ;)

There is a person who comes to mind immediately. And not in that joking-around kind of way. More in the if-I-could-get-away-with-it-I'd-REALLY-hit-him-hard-over-and-over-again kind of way. But, since we are currently suing his ass anyway, I should probably leave him out of this(nice teaser, huh? I just hate when people say something like that and then don't tell me the story...but, I will...someday)

Anyway, since I better not let my anger out like that, I'll go a little different route. And yes, I'm aware that this is probably a little bit contradictory to yesterday's post, right? But, I said I am a believer, not that I'm perfect.

I'll take my golf club to:

LONG LINES AT THE STORES. Like it's not hard enough to find the time to get everything that I need to for the holidays. Then we have to deal with the insanely long lines before we can head home. A special whack upside the head goes to the guy in line ahead of me at Wally World the other day who had to further hold up the line by asking about the return policy and needing clarification on what, exactly, a gift receipt is. Get out from under your rock, here's a whack from my trusty golf club, now GET OUT OF MY WAY because it's time to pick up the kiddos from school.

INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE GIFT WRAP. Like presents aren't breaking my budget enough as it is. You can either buy wrapping paper at the dollar store and find out that it's only a yard long or you can buy the expensive stuff. It's a conspiracy. Oh, and if you are about to tell me that I should have bought it at a 98% discount at the end of last Christmas season, just remember that I have that golf club in my hand...

ANYONE WHO REFUSES TO EAT HOLIDAY GOODIES DUE TO A DIET. Appetizers in all flavors and shapes...how I love you. I could replace regular meals with you. And all the scrumptious desserts: yummy, yummy, yummy! I do not want to hear, particularly when my mouth is full of calorie-laden goodness, how you ate a salad before you showed up, so that you wouldn't be tempted to eat all this junk. I might not take my golf club to you, but I'm pretty sure I'd like to cram a cookie down your throat.

REPETITIVE TOY COMMERCIALS. I know you want to sell a bazillion of your toy this Christmas, so you have your commercial on constantly, so as to brainwash my kids into begging for your piece of crap plastic contraption, but enough is enough already. Lists have already been submitted to Santa, so now it's time to give it up and stop annoying me with all your repetitive jingles.

ANYONE WHO GETS IN THE WAY OF MY CHRISTMAS CELEBRATIONS. Despite the fact that I must sound like a grinch for complaining about all the above, I really do love Christmas. And if you are going to rain on my Christmas parade, you should step away before I get out my golf club.

Now, I'll pass my golf club off to you...who or what are you going after?

Though, could you bring the club back when you're done? I might just need it again....



Blogger Liz Mays said...

I'll swing it at my head.

I'm not going for a beheading or anything, but I would really like to bid a permanent adieu to my gray roots.

December 14, 2009 at 8:15 AM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

I could take a whack at any number of people. I would definitely take a whack at the several people I have heard of stealing money from the Salvation Army guys standing out in the cold raising money for those in need!

December 14, 2009 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

I'm ready to use newspaper to wrap stuff this year. Wrapping paper is definitely a conspiracy! And my son is a walking commercial - I hate it! I needed a golf club last night trying to weave my way thru the store to get the one thing I needed. Ugh - holiday shopping drives me nuts!

December 14, 2009 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger Moonjava said...

Totally agree with the long lines bit! And expensive wrapping paper! Or expensive anything... :)

December 14, 2009 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I have lately been boycotting wrapping paper, and Holly over at 504 Main (do you follow her?) did a great post a week or so ago showing her gifts wrapped in newspaper w/ cute accessories on top. I also hate long lines!

December 14, 2009 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger Bethany said...

I totally get the hating on the people who can't eat goodies b/c they are on a diet. It's one of my pet peeves when people come to a birthday party and refuse cake. Just ask for a small piece and take a bite or two. No one will notice if you toss the rest. It's just a buzz kill to turn down birthday cake. Um so yeah, I'd totally take a golf club to "those" people.

December 14, 2009 at 9:54 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

The pile of work on my desk right now would be a great target for my swing . . . .

Thanks for dropping by this morning. I REALLY appreciated your comment!

December 14, 2009 at 10:01 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

HA! I love this... too funny. I'd like to give the economy that is keeping my hubby away at Christmas a good whack or two. I'll brag on my wrapping paper, though. Last year for the first time I hit the after Christmas sales and I got the good stuff and really cute gift tags for .40 each!!! :)

December 14, 2009 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

Love it. I almost put the toy commercials in mine as well!! Can't wait to hear the story you teased us with.

December 14, 2009 at 10:44 AM  
Blogger Foursons said...

I think you just spoke for me. I was nodding the entire time I was reading this!

December 14, 2009 at 12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so many gold clubs, so little time...

2.people that find the need to try to sell me something without me asking.
3.banking CEO's
4.people that just have nothing to say that is not bitching
5. people that don't believe in christmas but put a tree up anyway

December 14, 2009 at 1:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would only want to take a swing at one person and that is my ex-husband.

December 14, 2009 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

-->I bought so much paper after Christmas a few years ago that I still have it and guess what, I Can't Stand the patterns anymore. I'd share if I could.

December 14, 2009 at 2:00 PM  
Blogger supahmommy- somethin's wrong with that girl said...

lmao! gift return policy
he wouldn't have gotten further than " what is your GI..." and he woulda met big bertha


December 14, 2009 at 3:04 PM  
Blogger Ma What's 4 dinner said...

1) Tiger Woods, I know his wife already took care of that but I'm thinking all wives should stand up together and get in line for a whack at his head.

2) People who cut in front of you in lines (like at the supermarket) and pretend not to see you. I'm one of those people who always needs to speak up and call them out and make them feel like an ass..

3) The drunk girls at concerts who pee in the men's bathroom. Really? I got over that stage of maturity at about 13.

4) Credit Companies & Home Mortgage Lenders...for getting us all into this mess and not helping out any of the people who are needing it these days.

5) Teenage girls, who walk around with their business hanging out...

Ok, my SITSta from another mother! :) So my oldest is 5 in January, the next is 4 in May, then we took a little break so my youngest boy just turned 1 in November. So close! :) Love that you have a whole secret identity blog. I'm going to get one of those too one day, great idea! Thanks for letting me vent...I feel good!

Thanks for stopping my blog. You know I'm digging yours too!

Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner?

December 14, 2009 at 3:46 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

FOund you through Heather @ Two Little Monkeys and had to jump over here cause I loved your comment!

Love this post too! You are my kind of girl. Hope you don't mind another follower:)

December 14, 2009 at 5:07 PM  

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