< Things I Can't Say: Pour Your Heart Out: Remind Me

This Page

has been moved to new address

Pour Your Heart Out: Remind Me

Sorry for inconvenience...

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service
body { background:#fff; margin:0; padding:40px 20px; font:x-small Georgia,Serif; text-align:center; color:#333; font-size/* */:/**/small; font-size: /**/small; } a:link { color:#58a; text-decoration:none; } a:visited { color:#969; text-decoration:none; } a:hover { color:#c60; text-decoration:underline; } a img { border-width:0; } /* Header ----------------------------------------------- */ @media all { #header { width:660px; margin:0 auto 10px; border:1px solid #ccc; } } @media handheld { #header { width:90%; } } #blog-title { margin:5px 5px 0; padding:20px 20px .25em; border:1px solid #eee; border-width:1px 1px 0; font-size:200%; line-height:1.2em; font-weight:normal; color:#666; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.2em; } #blog-title a { color:#666; text-decoration:none; } #blog-title a:hover { color:#c60; } #description { margin:0 5px 5px; padding:0 20px 20px; border:1px solid #eee; border-width:0 1px 1px; max-width:700px; font:78%/1.4em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.2em; color:#999; } /* Content ----------------------------------------------- */ @media all { #content { width:660px; margin:0 auto; padding:0; text-align:left; } #main { width:410px; float:left; } #sidebar { width:220px; float:right; } } @media handheld { #content { width:90%; } #main { width:100%; float:none; } #sidebar { width:100%; float:none; } } /* Headings ----------------------------------------------- */ h2 { margin:1.5em 0 .75em; font:78%/1.4em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.2em; color:#999; } /* Posts ----------------------------------------------- */ @media all { .date-header { margin:1.5em 0 .5em; } .post { margin:.5em 0 1.5em; border-bottom:1px dotted #ccc; padding-bottom:1.5em; } } @media handheld { .date-header { padding:0 1.5em 0 1.5em; } .post { padding:0 1.5em 0 1.5em; } } .post-title { margin:.25em 0 0; padding:0 0 4px; font-size:140%; font-weight:normal; line-height:1.4em; color:#c60; } .post-title a, .post-title a:visited, .post-title strong { display:block; text-decoration:none; color:#c60; font-weight:normal; } .post-title strong, .post-title a:hover { color:#333; } .post div { margin:0 0 .75em; line-height:1.6em; } p.post-footer { margin:-.25em 0 0; color:#ccc; } .post-footer em, .comment-link { font:78%/1.4em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } .post-footer em { font-style:normal; color:#999; margin-right:.6em; } .comment-link { margin-left:.6em; } .post img { padding:4px; border:1px solid #ddd; } .post blockquote { margin:1em 20px; } .post blockquote p { margin:.75em 0; } /* Comments ----------------------------------------------- */ #comments h4 { margin:1em 0; font:bold 78%/1.6em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.2em; color:#999; } #comments h4 strong { font-size:130%; } #comments-block { margin:1em 0 1.5em; line-height:1.6em; } #comments-block dt { margin:.5em 0; } #comments-block dd { margin:.25em 0 0; } #comments-block dd.comment-timestamp { margin:-.25em 0 2em; font:78%/1.4em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } #comments-block dd p { margin:0 0 .75em; } .deleted-comment { font-style:italic; color:gray; } .paging-control-container { float: right; margin: 0px 6px 0px 0px; font-size: 80%; } .unneeded-paging-control { visibility: hidden; } /* Sidebar Content ----------------------------------------------- */ #sidebar ul { margin:0 0 1.5em; padding:0 0 1.5em; border-bottom:1px dotted #ccc; list-style:none; } #sidebar li { margin:0; padding:0 0 .25em 15px; text-indent:-15px; line-height:1.5em; } #sidebar p { color:#666; line-height:1.5em; } /* Profile ----------------------------------------------- */ #profile-container { margin:0 0 1.5em; border-bottom:1px dotted #ccc; padding-bottom:1.5em; } .profile-datablock { margin:.5em 0 .5em; } .profile-img { display:inline; } .profile-img img { float:left; padding:4px; border:1px solid #ddd; margin:0 8px 3px 0; } .profile-data { margin:0; font:bold 78%/1.6em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } .profile-data strong { display:none; } .profile-textblock { margin:0 0 .5em; } .profile-link { margin:0; font:78%/1.4em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } /* Footer ----------------------------------------------- */ #footer { width:660px; clear:both; margin:0 auto; } #footer hr { display:none; } #footer p { margin:0; padding-top:15px; font:78%/1.6em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } /* Feeds ----------------------------------------------- */ #blogfeeds { } #postfeeds { }

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: Remind Me

Welcome to Pour Your Heart Out- if you need more info on how to participate, check out THIS post. But it's personal- it's what YOU think is pouring your heart out. Please grab the PYHO button or link back in your post if you are participating.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)



 
 




"Now we keep saying that we're okay
But I don't want to settle for good not great"

Hubs and I have been married for almost nine years. Nine years, three kids, countless moves, ups and downs. 

So easy to get caught up in the day to day, taking of care what has to be done, what is the most urgent, that we don't take care of us. 

Not when there are kids, work, housework, and all that day-to-day STUFF to take care of. Things that seem urgent. All the grown-up responsibilities. 

We try really hard to make time for each other. 

Shutting down the computers at a certain time, kids in bed early. Monthly date nights. Never ending a conversation without saying "I love you." 

But...


"Oh, so on fire, so in love
That look in your eyes that I miss so much"

What happened to those nights when we stayed out til 4am talking at the beach? 

The way he used to look at me.

That feeling like we were the only two people on earth.

Knowing with just a glance that we were in love.

Holding hands everywhere we went.

"I wanna feel that way
Yeah, I wanna hold you close
Oh, if you still love me
Don't just assume I know
Baby, remind me, remind me"

I have absolute faith in Hubs, in our marriage.

We are stronger together than we are apart. 

He has my heart, my respect, my loyalty, my love.

But, maybe it's time for a little more romance. 

What do you do when you start feeling like a boring old married couple?

Lyrics from "Remind Me" in case that's not obvious.

I've also written about how Romance is Overrated. Yes, I seem to have multiple personalities.

Labels:

103 Comments:

Blogger Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Shell, I totally know what you mean and we're only just approaching our 4th anniversary. We so need to inject some good old fashioned romance back into our lives!

We try and make time now to just hold hands on the sofa and talk. Or just sit and watch TV. But we're still holding hands.

November 9, 2011 at 7:06 AM  
Blogger Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

As the better half of a boring old person marriage, sometimes I love it...it's as warm and comfy as an old pair of socks. That being said, if Husband doesn't hold my hand in public soon, I'm going to rip his arm off and beat him over the head with it!

November 9, 2011 at 7:07 AM  
Blogger Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

15 years of marriage here. Lack of romance doesn't equal a lack of love :-)

November 9, 2011 at 7:09 AM  
Anonymous tracy@sellabitmum said...

Wait - we aren't suppose to be sitting across from each other working on our laptops? Isn't that romance in 2011? xo

November 9, 2011 at 7:09 AM  
Blogger Hines-Sight said...

Shell, so excited to link up with you today for the first time.

Love your post today. It's so true, and I think when you become a parent, you become so exhausted that you just want to veg on the couch, and have some quiet time. I'm about to approach a ten year anniversary. Would love to be "on fire" again.

November 9, 2011 at 7:09 AM  
Blogger Tara R. said...

My husband and I have been married for 25 years. After all that time we can get lost in the minutia of life, but then there are still times when I'm am brought to tears just saying or hearing 'I love you.'

We still hold hand in public too, and most mornings when he's walking out the front door I tell him 'nice butt."

November 9, 2011 at 7:12 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

We are totally a boring old married couple and some days that works and some days it is disappointing. Right now our life is so focused on our children and day to day living. But we do have big plans for after the children are grown and will be ready for life after parenting. So I think as long as we keep those dreams alive we will be okay.

But hey who doesn't want some romance.

November 9, 2011 at 7:23 AM  
Blogger Christine Siracusa said...

we need to get better at date night but one thing we've done twice now and it's really helped is to go away together. just the two of us. just for one or two nights. not far. but it feels like another universe.

November 9, 2011 at 7:33 AM  
Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

We celebrated our anniversary early last weekend. A neighbor volunteered to babysit! We hadn't been out in so long. It was wonderful to eat dinner without fussing.

November 9, 2011 at 7:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank God I read this today,

November 9, 2011 at 7:51 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

We are celebrating our 9th anniversary today. And while sometimes I wish Jdaddy would look at me like he used to, I couldn't be happier about the way things are today. Much of the traditional romance is gone, but when he vacuums or does something that i normally do because he knows I'm stressed, that's the sexiest and more romantic thing ever.

November 9, 2011 at 8:09 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Totally get this, I have been feeling the same lately. Our kids sleeping habits have been all over the place which means most nights someone is in our bed or up late and we have no time to talk uninterrupted. I hate that we have just gotten used to it being that way. Definitely time for a date night!

November 9, 2011 at 8:12 AM  
Blogger The Mommyologist said...

Oh, girl. You KNOW my thoughts on this one so I don't really have to elaborate.

Can I please add how refreshing this post was though? It is so nice to hear someone being honest about the ups and downs of marriage instead of writing a load of bs all about how perfect things are and how passionately in love they are, etc.

I swear if I hear one more person on FB talk about their perfect marriage and their perfect husband, I am going to EXPLODE.

November 9, 2011 at 8:18 AM  
Blogger Eternal Lizdom said...

Sometimes I find myself thinking back to the days when he sent my sappy poems and emails throughout the day and about the cuddling on the couch to watch a movie or putting on a movie and seeing none of it due to the make out session that ensued or sitting in the car in a parking lot of a restaurant and talking for hours...

And those were the things that started the foundation of our relationship.

Love changes, people change. Love is the moldable cement that allows us to change together, to accept changes in the other as life happens.

I don't long for the romance of the old days- I look for the stability and security that love offers us now. It's what we need now. I guess I just find great satisfaction in knowing we are "in this together" and that we are happy and that we are best friends and that we have a different and always expanding love language. I don't need long walks on the beach or flowers at work or candlelit romantic dinners to feel special. Do I like those things? Sure! I guess I just am in a place where I need his partnership and his support and his stability and his understanding more than those gestures.

November 9, 2011 at 8:19 AM  
Blogger Eternal Lizdom said...

Also- the best part of being in the top 10 entries is that I can go visit the other blogs who have already posted! Wahoo!

November 9, 2011 at 8:20 AM  
Blogger Katina said...

Marriage is HARD WORK!!! Great post. Ups and downs and stale romantic times are all part of it!

November 9, 2011 at 8:27 AM  
Blogger Joann Mannix said...

Hi Girlie! I have missed you so much!

So, from a girl married 25 years, here's what I say:

Romance is something that can never be taken for granted. And in the day-in and day-out of life, sometimes it's hard to capture that. We take time for each other. We always have. It was something my husband insisted upon, when we started having babies. And I'm so glad he did. It's a way to rediscover each other, without the distractions of children.

But even more than that? For me, what does it, are the compliments, the consideration, the kindnesses. The other day, my hubs looked at me with this big smile and said, "You are a funny girl." Those 4 words just made my day. Made me smile every time I thought about it. Because, my husband knows I love the fact that he thinks I'm funny. To me, it's little things like that, that keep that spark in all these years together.

November 9, 2011 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger Mrs Gloves said...

I can totally relate. We are at that point right now. We actually just had a huge fight about it yesterday. We are trying to plan a little getaway for just the two of us. It's been too long!

November 9, 2011 at 8:40 AM  
Blogger NayLahKnee LahKnee said...

I saw this today after staying up into the wee hours with my husband talking about divorce. My heart aches because it's so easy t give up but......i love him.

November 9, 2011 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger Rach (DonutsMama) said...

I hear ya. We only have 1 child, but it's so all consuming right now. It's easy at the end of the day to just check out mentally either in front of the tv or the computer. Lately, we've been making more of an effort to unplug, even if it's just for an hour and just sit together. We don't have to say anything, but at least we're free of distractions.

November 9, 2011 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger Tina @ Life Without Pink said...

I totally understand...I wrote about this yesterday on Project Marriage. It's hard - we've been in two different directions the last two weeks and it finally caught up with us. Tonight we are going out to a much needed dinner alone :)

November 9, 2011 at 8:52 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

I can totally relate to this. I love my husband and I know he loves me. I think too often we get wrapped up in the day to day routines and just become comfortable with our relationship. I do miss those early days though.

November 9, 2011 at 8:54 AM  
Blogger By Word of Mouth Musings said...

Great post Shell, my hub has traveled so much in the last year - that we are somedays WAY out of touch with eachother.
Hard road after nearly 18 years together ... glad we are also friends, that truly helps your marriage!

November 9, 2011 at 8:56 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Wow, I think you spoke for a lot of us.
For the past few years, we've been on a bit of a pause. But now that the kids are getting older, we are able to get out more. We've been carving time out for us and it has been great to spend time together, alone, no one tugging at us, or need a sippy cup of water!
We still can't pull the hours that we used to (staying up past midnight) because there are some in our house that get up at 6 am. :)

November 9, 2011 at 9:01 AM  
Blogger The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

I was right there with you, Shell. This trip we are on in Key West was the reminder we needed. We have been married almost 11 years and it was beginning to feel like we were friends, parents and not the butterflies in our belly couple that we used to be. Sad thing is, I don't even remember when it stopped feeling awesome...I just know it stopped. I know not everyone can afford the trip we took or have parents or family close by to watch their kids and that we are incredibly lucky to have been given the reminder of how we fell in love in the first place. I just want everyone to know it is possible to find that feeling again. It's just a matter of logistics and time.
Wish we lived closer...I'd be happy to cover you so that you and your hubs could talk on the beach until 4AM.

November 9, 2011 at 9:06 AM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I don't know if lack of romance is lack of love, like someone else said. We might not have the same passion we did when we first met but I think our love is stronger and we are still great - just that the definition of great has evolved. I think that the date nights are great - we do one as often as we can and we try to not talk about the kids. As hard as it might be.

November 9, 2011 at 9:09 AM  
Anonymous Cindi said...

(LoL) If I knew the answer to this my husband probably wouldn't have cheated on me and, I probably wouldn't have my blog.

Thinking of and praying for you Shell.

November 9, 2011 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger Missy said...

There's no question that marriages have ebbs and flows. Ours happens at predictable times of year, so we can at least prepare for it and take steps for "early intervention" so neither of us gets to the point of feeling undervalued. It can be soooo hard though.

November 9, 2011 at 9:16 AM  
Blogger Samantha said...

I mind myself missing those days too, and we're approaching our 5th Anniversary. I will say though, that we get weekend getaways every 6 months or so. It helps tremendously. Sometimes, for me especially, a date night just isn't enough. But I think it's just a natural part of marriage, especially with kids...it just adds to it. We find that we get along, have fun, talk and laugh together when Bree is away, and that is definitely a good sign.

November 9, 2011 at 9:16 AM  
Anonymous Living the Balanced Life said...

I LOVE that song too! My hubby and I have been married 30 years. We got married very young and now have an empty nest. Life just seems to get in the way.
You ask what we do when we start feeling like an old boring married couple? We try something new, something different, and I don't just mean in the bedroom!
This weekend I am taking hubby to Asheville to share that cute little city with him, and to enjoy the Biltmore house all dressed up for Christmas!
Bernice

November 9, 2011 at 9:18 AM  
Anonymous Denise said...

I am in the same boat right now. Between life and the struggles I've had lately, my husband is sort of patiently waiting on the sidelines for me to notice him again. I really miss him. Damn, I just started crying

November 9, 2011 at 9:24 AM  
Blogger The Random Blogette said...

I do miss those old days sometimes, before kids, before things were so hard. I do find that when we are really starting to get on each others nerves or feel like we are disconnected I make sure to unplug for the night and just spend time sitting next to each other and just talking. Too often we sit on opposite couches and he on his phone while I am on the laptop. We also try to get a date night at least once a month, even if it is just us watching a movie and sharing a bag of popcorn. I do love holding hands too. There is something about that connection that just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

November 9, 2011 at 9:29 AM  
Blogger Tayarra said...

You know I get you! Honestly neither one of us are very romantic and we are OK with that. Our relationship ebbs and flows seem to be directly tied to how much action the bedroom sees. Now that football is over he is coming home early and most nights cooking dinner and cleaning up. That's about all the romance I need ; )! Unfortunately it has been storming around here lately and the boys are afraid of them so they have been camping out in our room. Dale actually called the cock blockers the other night! Thought you could use the laugh. : )

November 9, 2011 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

This is such a great song, and it is seriously so poignant. That's why we try to do a date night at least once a month, to get back to those days where we had nothing to worry about but each other. Great post.

November 9, 2011 at 9:37 AM  
Blogger jen@ living a full life said...

I think even with busy lives, kids and all- my hubby and I raised five.

If you, talk (no holding back)about your different roles with the kids and (speak honestly) about those marital things that drive you nutty, it helps air thing- might not solve but gets stuff out there!

Just remember to stay connected physically even if it's just holding hands or hugging especially when you're just to darn tired to do more and things will be fine! (we're on year 31 of our marriage)

November 9, 2011 at 9:42 AM  
Blogger Mommy Inconsistent said...

So many of us are in the same boat. Hubby & I don't do nearly enough together; date nights are non-existent right now. We need to change this ASAP! And the second you purchase a stroller, seems the hand-holding goes out the window! I miss the hand-holding.

November 9, 2011 at 9:45 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Have you considered dressing up like a sexy Boba Fett? I mean, how could that go wrong?

November 9, 2011 at 9:48 AM  
Blogger angela said...

We have a hard time with this, so I don't have many suggestions. We are so much stronger as a couple after we have time together, without the kids, but it doesn't happen nearly enough :(

November 9, 2011 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

It is hard not to get caught up in the daily grind. I think it's just happens after you've been with someone for such a long time. I say you need a getaway weekend just the two of you!

November 9, 2011 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger An Imperfect Momma said...

Totally understand what you mean. Mr. Man and I are about to hit our 5th anniversary...and I just miss the romance. I talk to him about it, but he seems to not get it. I mean he does do romantic things for me...from time to time, but I just miss the 3hr phone calls

November 9, 2011 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

I've been feeling the same way lately. Even when we're together, it's not the same. Perhaps it's time to kick it up a notch...

November 9, 2011 at 10:16 AM  
Blogger Di said...

Sometimes its just doing what I did last night after I had the Jellybean asleep. Laying my head in the hubby's lap while he ate ice cream on the couch. Its reconnecting for a minute. Today -its meeting up for lunch since he's working close by.

November 9, 2011 at 10:27 AM  
Blogger MiMi said...

Oh, yeah, I think we totally lost our way before we even hit 5 years. It took a couple really bad years before something happened that was the catalyst to opening our eyes and realizing we needed to take care of US. It's soo important.

November 9, 2011 at 10:28 AM  
Blogger Vivian said...

GIrl, you sure know how to make someone relate!

I keep telling people how we're such a boring old married couple and even though I love our life together, drama-free & happy, I miss those "can't keep our hands off each other/talking all night long" days...

Its been 8 years for us & we get so caught up with kids, work, school, & life that we forget to actually be a couple! But, I keep thinking that some people have it worse haha, and I think I am happy. He does makes sure to tell me he loves me everyday!

November 9, 2011 at 10:32 AM  
Blogger Just Jennifer said...

I've been married 13 years now and I too have written about how romance is overrated. I think the reason you have too, and now maybe want some back, is cuz marriage has phases. Now you feel one way, next year you'll feel another way. My hubs insists that romance should go both ways, that it shouldn't be all up to him. I still struggle with that.

November 9, 2011 at 10:35 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I admit I have to from time to time shift my focus so that the things my husband does NOW seem romantic to me.
I mean paying all the bills may not seem romantic when you are dating, but never having to worry about it getting done when you are married IS nice.

November 9, 2011 at 10:47 AM  
Anonymous Devan @ Accustomed Chaos said...

It's like you've been in my head this week - a topic i have been thinking of a lot lately. I need some romance injected into our marriage - but i know it will show up - marriage goes through waves like this.

November 9, 2011 at 10:49 AM  
Anonymous Robin | Farewell, Stranger said...

Sigh. Yep. We've been surviving for a while, and it's hard to find the energy to inject romance in that situation. I'm hoping after we move we'll be able to relax a little and bring it back.

Love Carrie Underwood.

November 9, 2011 at 10:49 AM  
Anonymous A Dash of Domestic said...

Totally can relate. I've been married for 14 years, it will be 15 in March.
It takes work (meaning effort) to keep the spark fresh.
The dreamy romance of courting and early marriage changes when you have kids (IMO)
it moves into a comfortable flow of parenting and running a home.
:)
Love is the most important ingredient.
If you've got the love, the romance spark isn't far behind. ;)

My husband and I always end our phone conversations and our days with "I Love You" too. It's important to us.

November 9, 2011 at 10:52 AM  
Blogger My Mercurial Nature said...

It seems that some couples fall in to that easy rhythm of being just an "old married couple" and others always maintain that exciting spark. I do wish my marriage still had that spark...sigh...but I'm just accepting of being that old married couple.

November 9, 2011 at 11:18 AM  
Anonymous Jocelyn @ ScooterMarie said...

What a great post! And I feel the exact same way sometimes. We've been married 5 and a half years, and I often think back to our first years together and wonder where that fire went. Like you guys, we're rock-solid, but I'd love to feel like a newly-in-love again sometimes too.

November 9, 2011 at 11:27 AM  
Anonymous wendy @ mama one to three said...

thank you! I try to convey these thoughts--the feelings--to my husband and he immediately thinks I am saying that something is wrong. it's not. we're great. but we have to keep working on our marriage--despite the stress, the jobs, the kids, the money....

you totally got it and I am SO FREAKING RELIEVED it's not just me.

here's to romance--whenever we experience it...

November 9, 2011 at 11:28 AM  
Blogger Mom of 12 said...

I so agree! It seems like I am always working on the hottest fires first. And that doesn't include the fire of romance very often. We try to get out at least once a month together, but sometimes that doesn't even happen. It's been 28 years for us. I'm open to suggestions.
Sandy

November 9, 2011 at 11:30 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

For us it's just trying to find time to figure out a sitter so we can get away - whether for an evening or a night (few and far between). I agree with the reader above though, being the boring old married couple fits like comfy socks sometimes and I love it. But we still always hold hands.

November 9, 2011 at 11:32 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

For us it's just trying to find time to figure out a sitter so we can get away - whether for an evening or a night (few and far between). I agree with the reader above though, being the boring old married couple fits like comfy socks sometimes and I love it. But we still always hold hands.

November 9, 2011 at 11:32 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

We are totally an old married couple. It is on our to do list. :P

November 9, 2011 at 11:36 AM  
Blogger Helene said...

Tim and I get stuck in a rut, too. He was never romantic to begin with but I'm always telling him that I don't need big flashy material items...just a simple I love you on my voice mail or something little that reminds me that he still cares.

One of the things I'm always stressing to him is that I need him to show me that he's with me because he WANTS to be with me, not because he HAS to be with me due to a marriage contract. I think sometimes we forget that even though we're legally bound we still need that romance!

November 9, 2011 at 11:50 AM  
Blogger laughwithusblog said...

You are not alone! I think we all feel like that sometimes. A relationship changes and grows at we mature. We may not feel like that as often as we did in our dating days, but it's still there!

November 9, 2011 at 11:50 AM  
Blogger Kristi said...

Love how you expressed how so many of us feel! We do the usual...try to get away for awhile to remember that we're not only mom and dad. Now with teenagers in the house...who stay up later than us...we have to be creative when we find our "alone" time. ;)
The wonderful thing about being together for 27 years (22 married) is the comfort and trust we have in each other. Sometimes that leads to some hot situations! haha
Thanks for stopping by my blog and also for hosting this link up....one of all my favorites!!
Blessings~

November 9, 2011 at 11:56 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

Okay - Megan KILLED me with her "sexy boba fett" suggestion.

Hilarious!

But assuming you are not going to go that route, I'll share our ebb and flow after 15 years of marriage, 17 together:

We got married and pregnant within two years of meeting so even in the early years of kids we were still kind of in that "honeymoon" phase. We made sure the babies went to bed early and in their own rooms, that we spent time together during their naps, that we verbalized our love for each other. (Also, wine helped. A little.)

Somewhere around five or six years in, with two kids who were getting older and not napping anymore, and two jobs which were getting more stressful and family health issues and more "grown up" concerns in general, we stopped talking to each other. We still spoke, of course. We just stopped SHARING or saying anything of value.

Most of our activities were with other families and we were never together "just us" anymore. We were in "survival mode" and seeing the big picture rather than each other.

Things actually got pretty bad for a while - relative to how good we'd had it. (Hmmm...something to that 7 year itch cliche?)

And I swear the only thing that worked was waiting it out...until the kids got even older and more independent; until we could arrange for them to have simultaneous plans with other friends or go on a date night without rushing home; until we weren't just too damned tired to REALLY speak to each other.

(And if you can't get out, it's worth setting the kids up with a video (gasp) and going in another room to have a conversation without eavesdroppers.)

We waited out the dip in the connection and we're closer than ever(not to make anyone puke - I admitted it sucked for a while!)

After 17 years, we don't hang from the chandeliers. But he knows just what I like and how to make me smile and there is a level of love/connection so deep, I wouldn't trade it for the rush of newness. Or anything else.

And now I've blogged in your comment box. Sorry. Really.

So don't forget to talk and make time for each other now matter how hard it is with three little boys.

Also, the wine helps. A little.

November 9, 2011 at 12:03 PM  
Blogger Ma What's 4 dinner said...

Oh so so true, girl! It certainly takes some effort, but it's worth it in the end right??

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com

November 9, 2011 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger Secret Mom Thoughts said...

It is tough. We use to do weekly date nights at home but have gotten out of the habit. We need to start that up again.

November 9, 2011 at 12:10 PM  
Blogger Singedwingangel said...

WE have 16 years under our belts. I totally get where you are coming from. A few weeks ago hubby kidnapped me and took me to the lake. It was too cold to swim but not too cold to just be together walking it was a much needed break.

November 9, 2011 at 12:36 PM  
OpenID pmlevitt said...

Yeah, we just had our 10 year, and were talking about this same feeling last week. Sometimes it takes deliberate effort to rekindle the romance, because we all get comfortable and forget that it took effort to make those moments special in the beginning as well! Thanks for sharing a feeling that I think many long married couples experience:)

November 9, 2011 at 1:10 PM  
Blogger Emmy said...

Such a good question. I think occasional surprises, weather it be an unexpected gift or small present can help bring some of that fun and newness that used to be felt. And even really looking into their eyes while talking. Something about looking so deeply and closely can do wonders.

November 9, 2011 at 1:12 PM  
Blogger me said...

And what do you do when one of you is feeling completely romantic and emotional and the other is not? That's pretty much rhetorical. :)

November 9, 2011 at 1:32 PM  
Blogger Andrea (ace1028) said...

Ah, how well I know this. It is so bizarre, isn't it? How it happens so quickly. We hit ten years this coming April, so I SO know.

November 9, 2011 at 1:34 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

I love that song and love this post.

November 9, 2011 at 1:50 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

It sounds like you two need a getaway. Not just a date night. It's easier said than done, I'm sure! hubs and I barely go on dates!! Geesh.
I know what you mean though. That new love feeling. I miss that sometimes too, but than unexpectedly it comes back for some silly reason.

November 9, 2011 at 1:51 PM  
Anonymous McKenzie Haraschak said...

I Poured My Heart Out for the first time today, and I wanted to say thank you. You have an excellent blog. So glad to have found you.

November 9, 2011 at 1:52 PM  
Blogger Courtney K. said...

I think it's normal to feel this way now and again. The husband and I are approaching our 4th year of marriage and sometimes it's nice to just be comfortable and cozy and secure in our relationship. And then other times? Other times I'd kill for a night like we used to have before we were married and had a kid. Romance is a necessity, but like someone else mentioned, that doesn't equal love. :) Perfect choice for a song, too, by the way. Totally loving this song right now (man, I'd kill for Carrie's legs!)

November 9, 2011 at 2:06 PM  
Blogger Tonya W. said...

The first time I heard this song, it stopped me in my tracks. It's what I shared here last week... the absence of romance and not just during the big emotional events, but the every day mundane ones too. The scene you set with the electronic devices sounds way too familiar. This is yet another reminder that I need to put in MORE of an effort.

Wonderful post, Shell!

November 9, 2011 at 2:25 PM  
Anonymous Galit Breen said...

I so love the honesty here, Shell. It's so very true and relatable. Life happens and just keeps on happening and pretty soon your marriage looks different.

November 9, 2011 at 2:26 PM  
Blogger Anastasia said...

I totally understand. I think we all have put our relationship on the back burner at one point or another. We try to do monthly date nights but even that doesn't always happen.

November 9, 2011 at 2:39 PM  
Blogger Rhiannon said...

i feel like you are describing my life! (minus two of those kids) we were JUST listening to this song the other day saying how it totally describes our relationship!! Life happens and yes sometimes we forget... we still havent figured it out yet!

November 9, 2011 at 2:44 PM  
Blogger Rhiannon said...

i feel like you are describing my life! (minus two of those kids) we were JUST listening to this song the other day saying how it totally describes our relationship!! Life happens and yes sometimes we forget... we still havent figured it out yet!

November 9, 2011 at 2:44 PM  
Blogger Lourie said...

18 years and counting. We are so much alike that sometimes I just know no one else would put up either one of us. But just this morning he gave me the last cold diet coke. If that's not love/romance I don't what is.

November 9, 2011 at 3:22 PM  
Blogger Kristina P. said...

I sometimes feel like we are way behind the curve. We have been married almost 8 years, and no kids. But we do have a fun relationship.

November 9, 2011 at 3:34 PM  
Blogger Joy@TPMG said...

I adore that song. Sometimes I forget about the little things like a simple text to say I'm thinking of him because the reality is with the kids its so hard to find time in the day to spend a lot of quality time together.

November 9, 2011 at 3:41 PM  
Blogger Not a Perfect Mom said...

I'm so lucky that my MIL lives a few miles from us and will watch the kids...so we'll go up to Orlando for a couple of nights to reconnect and have fun at theme parks alone...

November 9, 2011 at 4:02 PM  
Blogger Maggie S. said...

Sure don't know. Maybe hard to think about.

November 9, 2011 at 5:19 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm hoping our trip to Hawaii next year will help take away some of that boring married couple feeling.

November 9, 2011 at 5:29 PM  
Blogger Sela Toki said...

I just read "Amy Inspired" by Bethany Pierce, it described marriage as the "climax" and then it's downhill from there on. LOL. All I know is that,when you fail to work on marriage, the marriage will fail. Always a work in progress.

November 9, 2011 at 8:13 PM  
Blogger Sela Toki said...

Oh, and I forgot to say thank you, for that wonderful post.

November 9, 2011 at 8:14 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Yep, I know the feeling too. Ten years and four kids for us. When you have it figured out, let us all know...and I'll do the same :)

November 9, 2011 at 9:00 PM  
Blogger championm2000 said...

I remember the first time I saw this video--I couldn't stop watching! Love it.

I am right there with you. We are trying but it's tough.

November 9, 2011 at 9:08 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

AH...so glad you posted this. I think that this is more common than we talk about. Marriage is tough...from beginning to end. But I don't think we tend to discuss it or focus on it...and we SO should! Somewhere in the craziness of life...we sometimes forget to reconnect with our spouse. We try to institute "date-nights" but sometimes finances don't allow it. They can be spendy. Sometimes we try to be creative...strip dominoes is always a hit, date-nights at home when the kids are in bed...and "nooners"... all keep our spark alive!

November 9, 2011 at 9:47 PM  
Blogger Simoney said...

Hey Shell, Great post.
Romance...?
That's a work in progress.
I totally think you have to work at it, but SOMETIMES it just takes you by surprise. That gut-dropping feeling when he fixes the vacuum cleaner for you; that heart-pumping sweat-breaking moment when he takes over cooking dinner and sends you and your migraine to bed.
In those moments, I have to admit I am physically OVERCOME with a rush of love and tenderness for such a Knight in Shining armour.
xx

November 9, 2011 at 11:00 PM  
Anonymous molly said...

I love a little romance now and then. I don't think we should count on it every day but it does help your marriage from getting too mundane. Sometimes we need some roses and fireworks :)

November 9, 2011 at 11:58 PM  
Blogger From Tracie said...

My husband and I are in our ninth year of marriage too. I feel the boring sameness creep up often. Life is so different than it was when we were first married - some of that different is good, and some of that different is wonderful, but some of it sucks.

I don't think that answered your question at all...maybe I need to read through your comments to see if I can find the answer too.

November 10, 2011 at 2:30 AM  
Blogger DysFUNctional Mom said...

To say "I can relate" would be a huge understatement.
I think as Moms we tell ourselves that romance doesn't or shouldn't matter any more. But we are still women. We need to know that we are beautiful and desirable. There's nothing wrong with that need, and it doesn't go away once we have children or leave our 20's. And it shouldn't.

November 10, 2011 at 8:07 AM  
Blogger Heather (One Take On Life) said...

Loved this post, so true. It is hard to find the romance some days in the everyday. But then I also think, wow look at what we have created, we are a family in a our home, that is not like anyone else's and that can be romantic in its own way.

I hear you though on that look that used to happen all the time, great reminder for the weekend, maybe a mini date is in store for us this weekend now:)

November 10, 2011 at 9:40 AM  
Anonymous Teresa (Embracing the Spectrum) said...

We're in the same boat...

It can be hard when you have kids to find time for each other.

November 10, 2011 at 12:45 PM  
Blogger I'm Jennifer. said...

How I wish my huz and I had that spark back in our relationship. That passion. We've been married for 8 years and we dated for 5 years before that. So the hot-n-heavy days have been traded in for best-friend days. The love is still there, no doubt. But...

November 10, 2011 at 1:32 PM  
Blogger Jackie said...

We're in the same boat... It's so hard to find that time alone that we used to have.... he owns his own company, I work full time, 4 very busy kids....
I think we just need to make it more of a priority.

November 10, 2011 at 2:38 PM  
Blogger Fire Wife said...

I don't usually link to my blog posts in comments, but... after reading your post, I wanted to tell you a bit of our story. DH & I went thru quite a bit of issues lately, and VERY long story short are doing fantastic now. And yes, the fire is back. This link tells of the weekend that really turned the tides. Only linking it because it's too long to type out here.

http://mywifelyjourney.blogspot.com/2011/10/one-amazing-weekend.html

November 10, 2011 at 4:38 PM  
Blogger Jessica {Team Rasler} said...

We are so at this point. My husband told me last week that he felt like we were co-parents more than spouses right now. So when my parents came to town and asked if they should get a hotel room, I told them yes - for us! They stayed here with the kids and we left overnight. It was a short time, but definitely reminded us that we're married, not just co-parenting!

November 10, 2011 at 5:47 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

Oh yeah, I think we're all there after having kids. Romantic love is hard to sustain once all the mystery is gone. You have to make time for each other and not get bummed out that the butterflies are gone but be thankful for the security and the comfort. That's my motto anyway :)

November 10, 2011 at 7:37 PM  
Blogger KSK said...

It's hard! Sometimes you just get in a rut.
With us, Jerk Face is at work all day, and then comes home -- we have dinner (I leave on Mondays and Tuesdays for 1 1/2 hours), then he goes downstairs and does his homework (he does online schooling).. we sometimes stay up a little later than we both would like to... that just to spend some time together. I have recently decided that if I want some romance back in our life, I have to initiate it and hope he follows suit...

November 11, 2011 at 3:44 PM  
Blogger Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Yea, I'm comment #100! We've been married just over 9 years and it's been hard for us at times. I'd love to plan a week long getaway, but we don't have people who can watch our kids right now. I CAN barely watch our kids right now.

So, for us, it probably won't be exactly how it use to be, but it can still be great. I just have to make more of an effort to put my husband first. Though it sounds like you already to a good job of that.

November 12, 2011 at 2:04 AM  
Blogger Natalie @ MamaTrack said...

Romance is dead right now in my house. It's the 37 weeks of pregnancy. But I sure hope it comes back after the baby gets here!

Good luck!

November 12, 2011 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger Theresa said...

love that song. But it makes me uncomfortable....makes me think of what was and what is...

November 13, 2011 at 4:13 PM  
Blogger Katie Hurley, LCSW said...

I know what you mean. It's a rat race, this parenting thing. A wonderful, inspiring, beautiful race, but a race just the same. We try to get out to dinner when we can and sometimes even a mid-day coffee if the babysitter is around and he has the time. I wish I had a better answer. Sigh. Let me know when you find the answer.

November 13, 2011 at 5:59 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home