< Things I Can't Say: Pour Your Heart Out: How Many Glasses Is Too Many?

This Page

has been moved to new address

Pour Your Heart Out: How Many Glasses Is Too Many?

Sorry for inconvenience...

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service
body { background:#fff; margin:0; padding:40px 20px; font:x-small Georgia,Serif; text-align:center; color:#333; font-size/* */:/**/small; font-size: /**/small; } a:link { color:#58a; text-decoration:none; } a:visited { color:#969; text-decoration:none; } a:hover { color:#c60; text-decoration:underline; } a img { border-width:0; } /* Header ----------------------------------------------- */ @media all { #header { width:660px; margin:0 auto 10px; border:1px solid #ccc; } } @media handheld { #header { width:90%; } } #blog-title { margin:5px 5px 0; padding:20px 20px .25em; border:1px solid #eee; border-width:1px 1px 0; font-size:200%; line-height:1.2em; font-weight:normal; color:#666; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.2em; } #blog-title a { color:#666; text-decoration:none; } #blog-title a:hover { color:#c60; } #description { margin:0 5px 5px; padding:0 20px 20px; border:1px solid #eee; border-width:0 1px 1px; max-width:700px; font:78%/1.4em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.2em; color:#999; } /* Content ----------------------------------------------- */ @media all { #content { width:660px; margin:0 auto; padding:0; text-align:left; } #main { width:410px; float:left; } #sidebar { width:220px; float:right; } } @media handheld { #content { width:90%; } #main { width:100%; float:none; } #sidebar { width:100%; float:none; } } /* Headings ----------------------------------------------- */ h2 { margin:1.5em 0 .75em; font:78%/1.4em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.2em; color:#999; } /* Posts ----------------------------------------------- */ @media all { .date-header { margin:1.5em 0 .5em; } .post { margin:.5em 0 1.5em; border-bottom:1px dotted #ccc; padding-bottom:1.5em; } } @media handheld { .date-header { padding:0 1.5em 0 1.5em; } .post { padding:0 1.5em 0 1.5em; } } .post-title { margin:.25em 0 0; padding:0 0 4px; font-size:140%; font-weight:normal; line-height:1.4em; color:#c60; } .post-title a, .post-title a:visited, .post-title strong { display:block; text-decoration:none; color:#c60; font-weight:normal; } .post-title strong, .post-title a:hover { color:#333; } .post div { margin:0 0 .75em; line-height:1.6em; } p.post-footer { margin:-.25em 0 0; color:#ccc; } .post-footer em, .comment-link { font:78%/1.4em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } .post-footer em { font-style:normal; color:#999; margin-right:.6em; } .comment-link { margin-left:.6em; } .post img { padding:4px; border:1px solid #ddd; } .post blockquote { margin:1em 20px; } .post blockquote p { margin:.75em 0; } /* Comments ----------------------------------------------- */ #comments h4 { margin:1em 0; font:bold 78%/1.6em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.2em; color:#999; } #comments h4 strong { font-size:130%; } #comments-block { margin:1em 0 1.5em; line-height:1.6em; } #comments-block dt { margin:.5em 0; } #comments-block dd { margin:.25em 0 0; } #comments-block dd.comment-timestamp { margin:-.25em 0 2em; font:78%/1.4em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } #comments-block dd p { margin:0 0 .75em; } .deleted-comment { font-style:italic; color:gray; } .paging-control-container { float: right; margin: 0px 6px 0px 0px; font-size: 80%; } .unneeded-paging-control { visibility: hidden; } /* Sidebar Content ----------------------------------------------- */ #sidebar ul { margin:0 0 1.5em; padding:0 0 1.5em; border-bottom:1px dotted #ccc; list-style:none; } #sidebar li { margin:0; padding:0 0 .25em 15px; text-indent:-15px; line-height:1.5em; } #sidebar p { color:#666; line-height:1.5em; } /* Profile ----------------------------------------------- */ #profile-container { margin:0 0 1.5em; border-bottom:1px dotted #ccc; padding-bottom:1.5em; } .profile-datablock { margin:.5em 0 .5em; } .profile-img { display:inline; } .profile-img img { float:left; padding:4px; border:1px solid #ddd; margin:0 8px 3px 0; } .profile-data { margin:0; font:bold 78%/1.6em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } .profile-data strong { display:none; } .profile-textblock { margin:0 0 .5em; } .profile-link { margin:0; font:78%/1.4em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Arial,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } /* Footer ----------------------------------------------- */ #footer { width:660px; clear:both; margin:0 auto; } #footer hr { display:none; } #footer p { margin:0; padding-top:15px; font:78%/1.6em "Trebuchet MS",Trebuchet,Verdana,Sans-serif; text-transform:uppercase; letter-spacing:.1em; } /* Feeds ----------------------------------------------- */ #blogfeeds { } #postfeeds { }

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: How Many Glasses Is Too Many?

Welcome to Pour Your Heart Out- if you need more info on how to participate, check out THIS post. But it's personal- it's what YOU think is pouring your heart out. Please grab the PYHO button or link back in your post if you are participating.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

Starting in the afternoon on any given day on twitter, you will see tweets like these:

Is it 5:00 yet?

Can't wait for #wine o'clock!

Kids driving me crazy. #sendwine

I see tweets like that every day.

Hell, I SEND tweets like that a lot, too.

It's not any secret that I love my wine. And my fruity drinks. And the occasional Corona.

I tend to joke that I'm not really a lush, I just play one on twitter.

But, it's not really a joke for some. For some, it's a real problem.

I've seen how addiction can tear a family apart. I've lived with addicts.

My father is an addict. He started out addicted to prescription pain meds after having multiple surgeries in a short period of time. Addiction is addiction, even if it's "just" prescription meds. While he wasn't really a drinker, he did occasionally sneak a beer when he couldn't get something else. And yes, sometimes that was while he was driving us kids.

He made various claims throughout the years about being clean and sober, but my brothers and I always knew the truth. It's the main reason that my children don't know him at all: why I haven't spoken to him in over 5 years. It was one thing for me to tolerate his behavior, but I will not expose my own children to it.

My stepfather is a recovering alcoholic. Yes, he still says "recovering" even though it's been over 30 years since he last had a drink. He's an amazing man and as far as my kids are concerned, is their only "Grandpa" on my side of the family.

So, yes: I've seen what addiction can do.

I'm the daughter of an addict and the stepdaughter of an addict and yet: I drink.

It might be as frequent as several glasses a week. Or maybe it's just one glass twice a month. Or maybe I'm taking part in some rare girls' weekend away and it's more than that.

But I know that I do not drink too much.

I know that I'm not in danger of becoming an alcoholic.

I'm honest with myself and know my own limits.

A daughter of an addict CAN drink responsibly the same way that someone with no family history of substance abuse can become an alcoholic.

Just remember that if you see me tweeting "Thank God it's bedtime! #MamaNeedsWine" I might only mean it as much as I mean "Dear @gypsies, now accepting offers for my children. #CheapRates." 



Anonymous tracy@sellabitmum said...

Hugs hon and totally agree. xoxo

November 2, 2011 at 7:08 AM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

There is something to be said for showing children how to drink responsibly.

I, too, joke about drinking a lot more than I actually drink.

My PYHO this week was going to be about something that happened to me over the weekend... close parallel to this, but it's too raw and I'm not ready to type it out yet... maybe next week. (Oh, I'm okay... I realize that sounded a little sketchy! :))

November 2, 2011 at 7:28 AM  
Blogger Tara R. said...

It's easy to blame family history for certain addictions, but when it comes down to it, it's like you said, responsibility. You know the damage alcohol can do, and you chose to not do that to yourself or family.

November 2, 2011 at 7:29 AM  
Blogger Jen Has A Pen said...

I'm the daughter of an addict too. A recovering addict, but an addict all the same. I drink. Not terribly often, but I drink with the occasional dinner, at tailgates, at concerts, and stuff like that. I feel in complete control and rarely drink in excess, but having the experience with an addict definitely makes me sensitive to it.

November 2, 2011 at 7:31 AM  
Blogger blueviolet said...

Everyone exaggerates on Twitter. I hope people really didn't think you were a lush! There's nothing wrong with drinking responsibly, and if you have a history in your family, you're well aware of when it can go too far.

November 2, 2011 at 7:33 AM  
Blogger amygrew said...

I totally agree! Would people prefer you put an add on craigslist to sell the children or joke about having a few drinks?

November 2, 2011 at 7:43 AM  
Blogger Ali - My Suitcase Full of Tricks said...

It's interesting that you posted this. I have read Twitter a thousand times and thought to myself "I really hope these people are trying to be funny because otherwise..." And I don't think YOU come across that way, but some people (who I also really like) do. I also have addiction on both sides of my family and it's nothing to joke about. So I think somewhere in the back of my mind, even though I hope their constant tweets are somehow a twitter persona of sorts, I probably just assume they drink A LOT. I don't mean to.

November 2, 2011 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

I think knowing your limits is key. My sisters both drink and our family has addiction in its recent history. I abstain, because I made the choice when I was very young not to.

November 2, 2011 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger Jackie said...

I can totally relate with you on this. I am also the child of an addict... my mom was an alcoholic and it was the worst time of my life.
Yet, I drink. But I am so careful because I don't want to end up like her nor do I want my kids to go through what I did.

I see Tweets that you've mentioned many times on Twitter and I don't think that I've ever thought anything negative. I made the assumption that it was just another busy mom like me who needs a break.

Funny how we all see things differently.

November 2, 2011 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger Missy said...

I understand what you're talking about on all angles here. I have addiction in my family too, so being careful is a MUST.

And yes on Twitter. I love the "sometimes I play one on Twitter." I've often wondered who's joking about #needingwinehourly and who's totally serious. I'm sure there's both - that's life, right?

And for the record, I'm on a #nowine kick because I just started Lisa's cleanse yesterday. #helpme


November 2, 2011 at 8:32 AM  
Blogger Katina said...

Right there with ya! Child of an addict too!

November 2, 2011 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger Alison@Mama Wants This said...

I see tweets about people drinking all the time. I don't automatically assume they're lushes, though I have on occasion wondered about one or two, who seem to only talk about drinking. But it's not my place to judge, people sometimes exaggerate and joke online.

I think it's great that you acknowledge the addiction in your family and choose to drink responsibly.

November 2, 2011 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger Krista @ Not Mommy of the Year said...

First, I think it sounds like you have a great stepfather and I think he and your dad have given you an understanding of addiction that not everyone has.

Second, I completely agree about the joking online thing. I joke about it online a lot. But I'm just as likely to reach for chocolate or a bowl of cereal when the kids go to bed as I am the glass of wine that I had been talking to Twitter about it.

November 2, 2011 at 8:40 AM  
Blogger The Blonde Duck said...

That's right. Because you're not him!

November 2, 2011 at 8:42 AM  
Blogger Am I Really Grown Up? said...

Because of his Grandfather's alcoholism, my BIL has never had a drink and he's 37 years old.

I don't like to feel to out of control. I am strictly a social drinker and most times if everyone else is tipsy, I will just play along.

November 2, 2011 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger Eternal Lizdom said...

I tweet and post about consuming alcohol as a stress release but I don't usually actually drink as a stress release. When I have a glass of wine or other drink, it's just because I want one. A margarita with dinner- sure! Glass of wine with my sushi- I'd love to! Glass of wine on the couch while watching TV with my hubby- no prob!

If people want to analyze tweets and diagnose fromt ehre... I'd say they have more serious issues in their own lives they are avoiding!

November 2, 2011 at 8:49 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

This post really resonates with me. I'm all too familiar with how addiction can effect a family.

Like you, I talk about drinking more that I actually drink.

November 2, 2011 at 8:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a history of alcoholism in my family also, so I could relate a lot to what you are saying in this post. I think in some ways, it makes me pay attention to my attitudes about alcohol in a way that folks who haven't experienced knowing an alcoholic might not. I rarely drink, especially these days because we are still nursing, but I won't drink more than a glass or two on the rare occasion I do drink and I never get intoxicated. What is the point of that after all? It is a slippery slope and good to be aware of where we each stand on it. Glad to see someone blogging about this topic.

November 2, 2011 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

I think the humor in your tweets definitely comes across. If anyone really knows you through your blog, they will feel the same as I do.
Great post as always. I'm sure it is going to stir up some self & family evaluations too...and that is a good thing. We all need to put ourselves and family in check sometime.

November 2, 2011 at 8:56 AM  
Blogger Jackie said...

You hit the nail on the head Shell. The twitterverse & Blogosphere are filled with mama bloggers using five o'clock wine as the universal sign for is it bedtime yet?
The gypsy comment, fabulous BTW!

November 2, 2011 at 9:12 AM  
Anonymous Kate F. (@katefineske) said...

I love wine. And I am not afraid to admit it. But sometimes I am afraid to tweet about it (or post a facebook status update about it) because - as many bloggers know - sometimes what you write, doesn't always get read as you intend it too.

And I totally love your comparison and comment: A daughter of an addict CAN drink responsibly the same way that someone with no family history of substance abuse can become an alcoholic.

Everyone is different. And no one person can fully predefine who you are or who you are going to be.

November 2, 2011 at 9:14 AM  
Blogger Lady Goo Goo Gaga said...

I know - I am not a big drinker - but if I have a week where I drink a couple nights - I will think - OMG am I turning into an alcoholic? Should I stop? I am overly sensitive because I know too many drunks!!!

November 2, 2011 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

While I agree most people are joking, there are a few who tweet about alcohol so often I cringe a little. Because even if it's a joke...when it's your only joke, people wonder.

For the record, you're far from one of those people.

I think what I'm saying is: we all need to be careful of our online footprint. You never know...you know?

November 2, 2011 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I always feel that most people are joking on twitter but even if they aren't sa long as everything in moderation. As long as no one is in danger and that person is not drinking all the time I see no problem with it. And yes people that have addicts in their family can definitely drink responsibly.

November 2, 2011 at 9:29 AM  
Anonymous Denise said...

I think sometimes folks are overly sensitive about the tweets that fly around but I guess I could see where it might bother someone who is struggling with addiction or with and addict. I guess each person chooses if they want to see those tweets or not. I find them funny and like my adult beverages in moderation as well!

November 2, 2011 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

I did not know that about your stepfather.

There is totally a difference from being a responsible drinker and not. I like an occassional drink myself, but it totally puts me to sleep so I can't indulge until kids are in bed and by that time I am too tired to get my butt up to get a glass lol

November 2, 2011 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

This is a really well written post on the topic Shell. I think it can be so relaxing to have a glass of wine but have also known addicts and think it's sad to see families torn apart.

November 2, 2011 at 9:44 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

My FIL was a serious alcoholic. He had cirrhosis of the liver, which ultimately was part of the reason he passed away -- his body wasn't strong enough to fight.

Great post.

November 2, 2011 at 9:47 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

This is such a great thing to share. It takes courage to recognize addiction and to realize that you are separate and able to control yourself and not at the mercy of history or genetic fate. And, yes, the blog world jokes a lot about their wine intake - it's good to know it's not always as much as it seems:)

November 2, 2011 at 9:47 AM  
Anonymous Megan (Best of Fates) said...

This might be off topic (maybe?) but how awesome would it be to be raised by gypsies? Then again, I'd just be in it for the fashion tips. I'm a sucker for skirts and bangles.

November 2, 2011 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger angela said...

You make such a valid point, and I think it's actually a valuable lesson to model responsible drinking for kids. (Of course, that is different for every family.)

But wait, the gypsies aren't really coming through for a close-out kid sale after they get all hopped up on sugar this week?

November 2, 2011 at 9:58 AM  
Blogger Keri said...

It is sometimes hard to make a joke on Twitter or Facebook because nobody can hear your tone or see your witty smile. I'm with you though. As the daughter of an alcoholic and the daughter-in-law of teetotalers, there is a narrow line for me to walk! I think I do well though, and it sounds like you do too.

November 2, 2011 at 9:59 AM  
Blogger Maggie S. said...

I have a family history,too. I don't drink, but I feel (maybe I am full of myself), that it's easy to tell the difference between someone who is being silly and someone who is more than likely taking the alcohol too seriously. And honestly, I just don't usually return to those blogs.

November 2, 2011 at 10:06 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

My mother has been sober for over 30 years, she says the same. "Recovering."

Sadly - someone very close to me is dealing with his own demons right now - alcoholism is a disease. And can be passed on to your children. I'm one of 6 kids born to 2 alcoholics. One of us is sober now for 5 years, one is in jail for his 3rd DUI and another is in denial about her problems. I like to say I know my limits, when it's 'too much' - but I know that my genes could change that at any given moment.

November 2, 2011 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

I personally have not met anyone that is not related to an addict of some sort. Kind of scary.

Yes, I am related to several addicts through out my family. Some of those addicts have lost their lives to their addiction.

As for me, I am a personal control freak...in the sense, I have to feel that I can have complete and utter control of my actions. Therefore, I barely ever drink. No,I'm serious. I had my first drink in over 5 years last week. It was one, small, fruity, drink with maybe 5% alcohol.

Couple the personal control freak issue with the fact I can't stand the tastes of most alcoholic beverages, I seem pretty boring to most people. Some who don't know me even think that I am trying to be "good".

I do get upset though. Our schools teach the D.A.R.E. program. Most of the stuff they are taught is good. I like that I am getting help to prevent my child from smoking or doing drugs. I hate that my kids act as if Daddy is a complete alcoholic if he happens to order a beer on a rare occasion of going out to dinner as a family. D.A.R.E. brainwashes them to not tolerate alcohol at all. UGH

I think as parents we need to set those limits. We need to show our kids you can enjoy alcohol, as an adult, responsibly.

November 2, 2011 at 10:36 AM  
Blogger Mama Insomnia said...

I feel the same way. Throughout this pregnancy I've missed drinking and everytime I think about tweeting that, I worry that people are going to think, 'Geeze, you can't go 9 months without drinking??"
Great post!

November 2, 2011 at 10:40 AM  
Blogger We 2 Bees said...

Totally agree with your post! And appreciate your honesty. It was very well put and completely on target!

November 2, 2011 at 10:49 AM  
Blogger Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Great post! It think it's normal to exaggerate on twitter--I've never worried about your drinking. :) Though it would be hard to tell if someone actually had a problem online.

I'm not a drinker and for me that's a good thing. I think I have a bit of an addictive personality.

November 2, 2011 at 10:59 AM  
Blogger Ashley - My Front Porch Swing said...

People are crazy. Plain and simple. Social Media is always an interesting phenomenon because it is ever-evolving. Some people use it strictly for business. Some people use it simply for fun. Then, there is the more common group of those who use it as a mix of both.

In the mom sphere, it is almost like a playgroup of sorts. It is where people gather and break off into smaller groups, where they talk about and judge others. No two people will see something the same way, but when an opinion becomes popular, all of a sudden it takes on steam.

People make comments on Twitter about many, many things. When you don't know someone's tone, as mentioned above, it can certainly make you wonder. With the recent focus on moms and drinking and conferences (one of which I had a bit too much at- we all make mistakes) it is now become the popular debate.

Everything should be done in moderation. Once in awhile, people will go to excess, and regret it profusely with the headache that comes in the morning. More rarely, people will have a problem. Let's cheers those who can drink in moderation, help those who need it, and shut the heck up with all the judging.

November 2, 2011 at 11:02 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

Yes, everything you said. I especially like the correlation you made about tweets (and yes, I've asked gypsies to come take my kids too!)

November 2, 2011 at 11:06 AM  
Anonymous Andrea said...

I completely agree with you! Hey, my parents have a glass of wine every night after supper, but I still don't consider them addicts. Even their doctor told them that a small glass of red wine every day actually helps your heart. An addict is someone who can't get through the day without something. There's a difference in being an addict and just having a glass of wine to relax (or a girl's weekend, we've all done that!)

November 2, 2011 at 11:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, thank you for sharing.

My Grandfather was an alcoholic, and I never knew him.

I tweet the same stuff on Twitter and wonder if people realize it's for fun, and I'm not serious. But I'm careful, in case they don't. I read a blog where someone called CPS on someone for what they blogged. (That sounds like I have a friend, who has a friend, who has friend....)

I like your gypsy Tweet :)

November 2, 2011 at 11:16 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

I'm sorry about your dad. I agree. I have struggled with guilty feeling about drinking b/c of loved ones that are over the top. I went through a period when I did not drink at all b/c I didn't want to contribute or set a bad example. But, the bottom line? People are responsible for their own actions and choices. Those choices are not mine, and they're battle with addiction is not mine. SO, I enjoy a beer at night, and I like it! :)

November 2, 2011 at 11:25 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Some people take jokes and light hearted comments too far. If you were really in danger of having a problem, talking bad about you wouldn't help. Tweet what you want and I got your back. My family is full of addicts, too. So I understand completely. I drink if I want, but I know my limits.

November 2, 2011 at 11:30 AM  
Blogger Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] said...

My uncle is an alcoholic, and the amount of emotional and physical damage its caused to his immediate and extended family seems unbelievable at times. I know my cousin has dealt with moments of guilt when it comes to social drinking, mostly out of fear of what she knows can come of it. But like you've said, it's all about knowing your limits and being responsible about them. *hugs*

November 2, 2011 at 11:36 AM  
Blogger jen said...

I'm the daughter of an addict too Shell. It's about being aware, we have plenty of drinkers in our family and we joke all the time but we all know our limits. Drinking is no joke if done to excess, but I think it's ok to joke about drinking.

November 2, 2011 at 11:36 AM  
Blogger Rach (DonutsMama) said...

Since you are the daughter of an addict, at least you are aware of what it looks like and you keep things in balance. And you're not in denial about how bad addiction can be. I know setting boundaries with your dad must have been hard, but really, what else can you do?

November 2, 2011 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

Loved this and I so agree. It is about knowing your limits and being honest wit yourself. Those who don't are the ones that get in trouble. I've been around several of those.

November 2, 2011 at 11:50 AM  
Blogger Hutch said...

I sometimes think being exposed to it through family makes me more responsible. I probably go through 2-4 bottles/month and after a long day a glass or two helps me unwind. As long as you're safe I don't see anything wrong with it. Whenever I see the tweets all I can think is, Amen! :)

November 2, 2011 at 12:00 PM  
Anonymous Cindi said...

I usually laugh and nod in sympathy knowing it's probably just a vent rather than sign on alcoholism when I read comments like that. No worries here.

November 2, 2011 at 12:06 PM  
Blogger Desperate Housemommy said...

Good points. It seems to me that, thanks to marketing by greeting card and cocktail napkin companies, mild alcoholism in females is almost celebrated. It's fashionable to throw out tweets like the ones you described. I do it, too. Funny how that's evolved. Not ha-ha funny, because alcoholism is no laughing matter. Just interesting funny.

November 2, 2011 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger RoryBore said...

same story here Shell. my bio dad was the town drunk, which is why my mom left his sorry butt and never looked back. I was barely 3. but even though I didn't grow up to witness a drunk for a father...I am very aware that genetically.....I may have issues if I were to tip the bottle too high, too often.

While I too enjoy a cold one on a hot summer's day, or while watching the hockey game, I am also very aware: It's a sad kind of legacy to leave your children, and one I certainly do not want to pass on.

November 2, 2011 at 12:14 PM  
Blogger Dwija {House Unseen} said...

I know I have an obsessive personality, which often results in addiction. A reminder to always be careful is so very welcome. Thank you!

November 2, 2011 at 12:18 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

GREAT post, Shell, for all the reasons listed above.

As always, you are honest, thoughtful and sensitive in your exploration of a subject that is taken lightly by some and dead- seriously by others.

With good reasons for both, I suppose.

I have recently thought about my (as KLZ put it) "footprint" on the internet.

Not because I was worried people would think I'm an alcoholic (much) but also because I don't want to become a "one joke" person.

We are all multi-dimensional, complicated and just doing our best.

In whatever ways we can...

November 2, 2011 at 12:21 PM  
Blogger I'm Jennifer. said...

I talk about drinking wine much more often than I actually drink it. Don't get me wrong, I love me a glass of vino after a stressful day. But my husband is always giving me the evil eye when he sees me with a wine glass in hand. My father has a big problem with alcoholism. I don't think I do. I can easily go weeks without a drink. But still my husband makes me feel bad every time I want a glass of wine or beer. It kinda drives me crazy.

November 2, 2011 at 12:21 PM  
Anonymous Leah, aka, FFPMaMMa said...

I agree with many of the comments above, teaching children and others how to drink responsibly is so important yet also respecting those who have an addiction and supporting their efforts to be drink free is equally important.
Good words

November 2, 2011 at 12:22 PM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

I have also seen what addiction can do to a family and I would never put my kids through that. I have noticed the tweets online and I've even said them myself, but I am much more likely to grab a piece of candy rather than a glass of wine. I can only hope that the others I see, especially the ones who talk about it constantly, are only living up to their online persona.

November 2, 2011 at 12:34 PM  
Blogger MiMi said...

I never would think that you had a problem.
Last weekend my friend and I did the kids' games at a Halloween Party.
We made about eleventy billion comments about the hard liquor we were gonna need afterwards.
You'd think we threw back a bottle of Jack, but we never did make it to the bar.

November 2, 2011 at 12:45 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

I'm so sorry about your dad, I can imagine that is very hard to deal with. Good for your stepfather for being sober for 30 years! I love beer and wine too, but honestly by the time I put the kids to bed I am too tired to even look for the wine opener! :)

November 2, 2011 at 12:53 PM  
Blogger Amethyst Moon said...

Great post! I know we've talked about this before because of our similar families. It's so nice to hear someone speak out about it. hugs and love to you! xoxo

November 2, 2011 at 1:00 PM  
Blogger Elaine A. said...

There are addicts in my family as well (not my parents though) and we've cut WAY down on our drinking here for a few reasons. But I understand what you mean. I think anyone who drinks and has small children needs to do it really responsibly. What if there is an emergency and you cannot handle it because you're drunk? Anyway, good post Shell. This is important...

November 2, 2011 at 1:04 PM  
Blogger Emmy said...

And the fact that your step-dad still calls himself a recovering addict even though it has been 30 years shows why he is still sober. It truly is a lifetime thing. Good for him.

November 2, 2011 at 1:20 PM  
Blogger Helene said...

What a difficult post this must have been to write. And with a family history, I can understand the concerns.

My father's addiction of choice was drugs. Though I never fully understood that was the issue until I was an adult. He was very good at hiding the evidence. And what's wierd is that I never even put the connection together...I drink wine to calm my nerves at the end of the day sometimes but I never even thought to consider the possibility of being an addict because of the family history.

Something I should definitely keep in mind from this point forward.

November 2, 2011 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Charlotte said...

I'm sorry that you had to experience this in your past, but I'd like to think that being exposed to that allowed you to set your own boundaries. I grew up in a family where wine was always available but we were taught to respect the beverage and I think it's definitely had an impact on me (I mean, there were some days in college I'd prefer to forget about, but I guess we all have those). Important post though, Shell--thanks for sharing. XOXO

November 2, 2011 at 1:38 PM  
Blogger Hines-Sight said...

I agree. I've sent tweets and e-mails out like that, too. Great post!

November 2, 2011 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger My Mercurial Nature said...

It's a fine line sometimes, isn't it? I discovered that perhaps I too often made claims of needing another glass of wine when a cousin whom I hadn't seen in 10yrs PM'd me with a message about how I clearly drink too much. Meanwhile I'd been drinking from the same bottle of wine for weeks...yes, addiction is prevalent in my family as well and I know better. It's a good reminder, however, to occasionally remind others that no, I'm not locking the kids in the dungeon and no, I'm not drinking all day long.

November 2, 2011 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Such a great post Shell and so true. I may send out the occasional tweet at 8 am saying I need wine but I am not actually drinking it at 8:15.
So sorry life has been such a struggle for your dad.

November 2, 2011 at 2:53 PM  
Blogger a.m. said...

love this post and completely agree.
my mom grew up with an alcoholic father, my father has a brother who has thrown his life away for booze, yet they both still enjoy the usual glass of wine or bottle of beer.
and i do even more then them. but i still keep myself in check, and surround myself with people who would never allow me the excuse of looking at the bottom of a bottle for solutions.

November 2, 2011 at 3:00 PM  
Blogger Just Jennifer said...

When I see those tweets I giggle a little and assume the person is just blowing off a little steam, expressing frustration. I love wine and will have a glass every night if I have a bottle. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. On the contrary, I think it's actually kind of healthy (especially if it's red). I love the taste of wine AND the calming, warm fuzzy feeling it gives me. And yes, I too will joke about NEEDING it cuz my kids are driving me crazy or something. But it's not really true. I know there's no problem with the way I drink. And I know there's no problem with the way you drink!

November 2, 2011 at 3:21 PM  
Blogger Minivan Mama said...

Just cause you tweet you need wine...doesn't mean you will actually be drinking it! Or I'd be drinking at 7 am some days!

Addiction isn't a funny thing...sometimes I suppose those without that disease take it for granted.

November 2, 2011 at 3:31 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I know all about this as I haven't spoken to my dad in almost a year because he has been drinking after being sober for 15 years. He was doing it in secret but the real secret was that we all knew.

November 2, 2011 at 4:15 PM  
Anonymous Galit Breen said...

Important, raw, honest- perfect. I love that you wrote this as you sharing you.

November 2, 2011 at 5:34 PM  
Blogger Anastasia said...

I don't drink very often because both my parents are alcoholics. It's scary to see what addiction does to you.

November 2, 2011 at 5:36 PM  
Blogger WhisperingWriter said...

This is a well written post.

I wish I liked wine.

Instead I look forward to eating junk food and not having to share when the kids go to bed.

November 2, 2011 at 6:09 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Thank you for sharing this. And for being so open and honest. You're right, it is about knowing your limits....and just because you tweet that you want a drink doesn't mean you are drinking.

November 2, 2011 at 6:28 PM  
Blogger January Dawn said...

How brave of you to be so open and honest. My family on both sides have struggled with the disease of addiction and it's a terrible weight to carry. Thank you for sharing this.

November 2, 2011 at 7:19 PM  
Anonymous Tonya said...

Could not agree more! Thank you for your honest and heartfelt post.

Now, where is my flask?


November 2, 2011 at 7:43 PM  
Blogger Rhiannon said...

you and i have talked about this very subject before and its comforting to know others are in the same boat. You have made major sacrifices for whats best for your family and I applaud you, I have yet to make that huge step, but you know that I understand exactly why it must be done. XOXO {hugs} thanks for sharing your story

November 2, 2011 at 8:29 PM  
Blogger Rhiannon said...

oh and btw, mama has days not even one glass will help... sometimes I need the whole bottle!!

November 2, 2011 at 8:30 PM  
Blogger Kristy said...

I feel comfortable leaving this comment here since it's not on my blog in my family's eyes. My dad was an alcoholic, then AA, then pain meds, then crack cocaine. Yes, crack. He still uses - pain meds are what I know about. He is sometimes homeless. I go years without speaking to him or knowing where he is. It is a complicated relationship to say the least. He has stolen from me (found my bank account info and used it, took loans out in my name that I'm still paying back). And then he denies that he has done any of this.

I have talked before about how of course I love wine, but I'm careful. I love doing #wineparty - such a fun way to connect with people on Twitter. But, yes, I have seen the tweets during the week about needing wine, and it does make me wonder. I like your analogy at the bottom of your post! That was a good way to keep the tweets in perspective.

November 2, 2011 at 8:57 PM  
Anonymous Teresa (Embracing the Spectrum) said...

Um, yeah. I don't tweet. I suck at it. But I'd definitely put the #MamaNeedsWine hashtag on mine most nights.

November 2, 2011 at 9:11 PM  
Blogger Lourie said...

So awesome about your step-dad! My dad is an alcoholic and there are lots of drinkers on his side of the family. I am not fond of anything to do with it. In fact, I can be very opinionated. Because like you said, it can tear families apart. I have seen what it can do as well. And I never thought for a second you were a lush. Just exaggerating. "five o'clock" somewhere. ;) You have a good head on your shoulders.

November 2, 2011 at 9:26 PM  
Blogger Kelley said...

This is so true & needed to be addressed. I joke about it, too, but it is a serious issue for so many. A very close friend lost her dad to suicide basically- he drank himself to death over a period of a few days. So sad.

November 2, 2011 at 10:13 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Thanks for posting this, Shell. xo

November 2, 2011 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I totally agree. I also agree with Sorta Southern Single Mom that there is something to be said for teaching your children how to drink responsibily - that it can be social and doesn't have to be taboo or go too far.

And yes as moms we probably joke about it waaaaaaay too much, but I really don't think anyone believes we are a bunch of mom lushes!

November 2, 2011 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I, too, come from a family of drinkers, among other problems. I used alcohol as a way to cope with my own issues when I was younger. Fortunately, I had a wakeup call and stopped before I got out of hand. My husband also has an alcoholic father, and because of that, keeps himself in check.

It only takes one person to break the cycle.

November 2, 2011 at 10:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think this is a great topic to vent about.

You know where your "okay" zone is.

I have addicts in my family too, so I know what you are talking about.

I have an "okay" zone too.
I don't ever want to go to far. I know what too far looks like. Ya know?

November 3, 2011 at 12:34 AM  
Blogger Peeper said...

Great post, Shell. Good to know your limits. I think this is the key to keeping it a moderate partaking. I love a glass of wine at the end of the day. I come from a long line of functional alcoholics so understanding my boundaries is important.

November 3, 2011 at 12:45 AM  
Blogger The Empress said...

I agree with you.

How sensitive people are sometimes, that you can't even joke about anything.

November 3, 2011 at 12:53 AM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

Amen to the above comment.
I am glad that you broke the cycle.

November 3, 2011 at 7:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post Shell. I drink on occasion. When working my stressful job I had, I had a glass of wine each night to unwind. Hubby does not drink, his father was an alcoholic and chooses not to drink. He asked me when he should worry about if I was drinking too much. I told him when I started having 2 glasses of wine each night to unwind, lol!
Seriously, now that I left that horrible job, I usually only have a drink once or twice a week, when we go out for dinner. I keep a bottle of wine at home, but very rarely touch it.
It is good for each person to be in touch with their own limits.
Thanks for sharing!

November 3, 2011 at 10:14 AM  
Blogger Bits of Bee said...

I like your post because it's honest and so very true! If anything, you are probably more aware of your limit than others because you've seen the effects of drinking too much firsthand! I don't judge when I see #mamaneedswine, and I too tend to stretch the truth to join in on the twitter fun - sometimes I'm actually just drinking a warm cup of tea!

November 3, 2011 at 11:59 AM  
Blogger Angelia said...

Teaching moderation is a good thing. Being aware of your limits is so healthy. Nothing wrong with a glass of wine (or two) after the kiddos are in bed!

November 3, 2011 at 12:47 PM  
Anonymous Jocelyn @ ScooterMarie said...

I can relate to this 100%. My dad is an alcoholic, and growing up as a child with that in the household was, shall we say, less than fun. My parents divorced at the end of my college years, and his drinking only got worse, eventually causing him to make some enormous mistakes that landed him in prison for a couple years. He had been sober for 6 years, but started casually drinking again this year. Why? Who knows. He knows none of us approve and wish he would stop again for good. I have made it abundantly clear that it will not be tolerated around our daughter or me anymore, and fortunately he fully respects that. And I will say it's nothing like how he used to drink, but those days will always haunt my memories, even if they (hopefully) never fully return.

But I am the daughter of an alcoholic and I drink, too. And I do it just like you - for fun if I want to, not because I need to.

November 3, 2011 at 12:55 PM  
Blogger Courtney K. said...

I dealt with my moms pain pill and sleeping medication addiction growing up. It really can rip apart a family and I still struggle with moving past those months where she really struggled. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a sip or two (or a bottle. Ha) here and there so long as you know your OWN limits.

November 3, 2011 at 2:06 PM  
Blogger Not a Perfect Mom said...

one of my cousins was in jail last year for faking scripts to get his pills...it was awful...we all knew he had a problem but we couldn't stop it...
and one of my college roommates is in state prison now for grand theft to pay for her pills...it's really sad...
oh, any my dad and my stepdad are alcoholics...so although I love my wine and do indulge, I am super careful...
oh, and key lime pie martinis...yum

November 3, 2011 at 2:17 PM  
Blogger Di said...

I'm the daughter of alcoholics and married to someone who has the most addictive personality of anyone I know. I've had one drink since Jellybean - didn't enjoy it. It made me tired and blah so I haven't drank again. I enjoyed my drinking years in college and then it just phased out for me. I have a few friends who are alcoholics and vehemently deny it though and that breaks my heart for them.

November 3, 2011 at 2:26 PM  
Blogger Natalie @ MamaTrack said...

I think we all know stories like these. And addiction can certainly tear a family apart. I'm sorry for what you experienced as a child.

And I'm there with you (or would be if I weren't pregnant). A glass or two of wine (or asking for them) doesn't mean there's a problem.

Have I mentioned how much I'm looking forward to having a glass soon?

November 3, 2011 at 3:01 PM  
Blogger From Tracie said...

I don't drink a lot...but I have been known to send out those kind of tweets myself. Sometimes just putting it out there is a bit of a stress release.

Prescription meds are scary! And cause more deaths each year than the "traditional" drugs. I'm sorry you had to grow up around that, and with a father who did not provide you with a place to be safe. You are a good mama - making the hard choices to protect your kids.

November 4, 2011 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger Heidi said...

I have an uncle who is a recovering alcoholic. It's things like that that make me glad I don't like the taste of alcohol.

November 4, 2011 at 11:11 AM  
Blogger Rusti said...

I totally understand the part about "saying it more than you're doing it" thing... I often participate in #wineparty, and my own weekly little #wineandwhine with a few gals, and I tweet about how much I could use a drink often enough after a rough day at work, or a rough evening with Goose - but I certainly don't drink that much - especially right now. alcohol is frowned upon in the 1st trimester (and the 2nd and 3rd?) ;) so I'm tweeting it - but not doing it... just makes me feel better sometimes...

also - I'd willingly sell my kid to the gypsies some nights... although not ACTUALLY. ;)

November 4, 2011 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

daughter of an alcoholic here! Makes it hard for me to see other people smashed but I don't care who drinks what, not my business. Sometimes I like to have couple drinks but I know when to stop.

November 4, 2011 at 8:45 PM  
Blogger Venassa said...

I can totally relate. My father is an alcoholic and while I may drink a little too much sometimes on a night out, I know I'm not going to become an alcoholic. It so sad to see families torn apart due to drinking.

November 4, 2011 at 9:28 PM  
Anonymous A Mother's Thoughts said...

Hey Shell!!

Great post! I am the daughter of a recovering alcoholic (35+years) and I know that my siblings and I have that alcoholic trait as well. It's in our genes, it what we do with the information that keeps our decision. There are 7 of us siblings and out of seven of us there are 2 ish that are HEAVY drinkers. They knew the same information that I did and I chose not to drink. I can have a drink as a social drink (which is about once or twice a year), but for me I just feel like keeping my head on my shoulders. Knowing my surroundings instead of blacking out. So it really is a personal decision, if I started drink then I have the potential of like it so much that I will want it all the time. I guess that we have picked our priority!! And yes, an addiction is an addiction!! Great topic.


November 5, 2011 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger The Mommyologist said...

I tend to enjoy my drinks too...and sometimes I definitely have a few too many. However, I don't crave it at 6am and I can ditch it whenever I need to, so I don't worry about being an addict either. I have them in my family too, and I've always said that in my family you are either an alcoholic, or you can drink like a fish.

November 7, 2011 at 9:56 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home