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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: When I Let You Be Hurt

Please note that this is the Pour Your Heart Out linky. If you are looking for the Summer Fun link up, please go HERE.

Welcome to Pour Your Heart Out- if you need more info on how to participate, check out THIS post. But it's personal- it's what YOU think is pouring your heart out. Please grab the PYHO button or link back in your post if you are participating.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

New button by Jess at The Frilly Coconut: it matches the brand new look she is working on for my blog! 

My 5 year-old has lead poisoning. Though his numbers are falling, his lead levels are still high. He needs to have routine blood draws to monitor his levels.  Because we know that his levels are high, this is no little and quick finger stick: he needs to have a draw from his arm to get more blood to accurately get a reading.  These draws are always stressful and painful. I realize that what we go through is nothing in comparison to other families, but it doesn't make it any easier at the time. 

Though the following words don't mean anything to him now, I imagine that this is how I would explain these blood draws to my son.

Usually, they let you sit in my lap. I wrap my arms around your body and one of your arms while a nurse takes the arm they need and another wields a needle.

I lean down toward your ear and whisper words of comfort that aren't going to help, but somehow I can't stop myself. I never tell you that it won't hurt because I won't lie to you. But instead I plead with you to stay still so that it can be over quickly. I tell you over and over that I love you and I just want you to be all better.

When the time comes, I wrap both of my legs around yours. The goal is to keep you as still as possible, even though I know that you are going to fight.

And it's terrible. The pain comes and you scream because they are hurting you. But, your little body eventually stops fighting and you collapse in exhaustion against me.

I thought that was hard.

But this last time you needed your blood drawn, the nurse shook her head at me when I tried to put you in my lap.

"He needs to sit up on the table," she said.

And so I lifted you up, even though you are more than capable of climbing up on your own. 

I stood close, in disbelief that she really thought this was going to work.  She tells me I should help hold you.

I move closer and put my arms around you. You bury your head in my shoulder, but it's the wrong shoulder, the one facing the needle.

The needle goes into your tiny little vein, the one the nurse insisted was fine, even though I told her we always had better luck in your other arm.

You scream. And fight.

Instead of being able to relax back into me, you lean your body backwards. I try to hold you still, but your body has gone completely rigid.

Your cry is heartbreaking. I know that you are in pain. That you are scared. That you don't understand why this is happening to you, why I would let someone hurt you so much.

I give a fleeting thought to the children out in the waiting room with their parents.  Your cries are frightening. I bet those kids want to run outside because they think that whatever is happening to you will happen to them if they come back here. But it's only a fleeting thought because those kids out there aren't you and they don't have to go through this.

This is taking longer than normal. And my eyes start to fill with tears to match yours.

Your tears and screams aren't getting the pain to stop, so you start to cry out.

"I want to go home! I just want to go home!"

"I know, baby, I know. Hold still and we can go home really soon," I whisper.

"You don't love me any more! You don't!"

And my heart breaks and tears flow fast down my face as I pull you close against my body so you can't see them.

"I love you. I love you so much. Mommy loves you," I repeat, like that will somehow make things better.

You gently pat my back, like you are trying to comfort me, even as you continue to cry.

It's over, but only because your vein blew.  The nurse starts to leave the room in a huff, saying she doesn't know if she has enough of your blood.

Thinking you are all done, you say to her, through your sobs, "Thank you."

That thank you is my undoing. Even more than your tears and screams and yes, even more than you saying that you don't love me anymore.

Because those two little words, they show your sweet heart. That even though someone was hurting you, even though you didn't understand, you still say "thank you" to whoever draws your blood. After every single blood draw for the past two years.

And I hate that you have had to go through all this. I hate that I don't really know when it's going to stop. I hate that you have to be hurt. I hate that you have it harder than a lot of other little boys your age. I hate that I can't fix things for you. I just want to make it all better for you. And I can't.

The nurse comes back in and I tense up, holding you tighter. I don't know what I will do if she says she needs more of your blood.  Let her do it because it needs to be done? Or have to come back another time and start all over again? Please God, I pray, let it be enough.

She tells us she has enough blood and that we can go. I'm prepared to carry you out of the room, though you are past the stage where you are carried unless you are fast asleep.

But, you slide down on your own and head for the door, still crying a little.

I follow close behind and gently take your free hand, not the one that you are cradling close to your body.

You squeeze my hand and I try to blink back more tears.

I want to promise you that it will never happen again, but I know that we'll be back again.

Please visit at least the linker before and after you.

Labels: ,


Blogger Colleen said...

Oh Shell...hugs to you and your brave little man...

August 10, 2011 at 7:07 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

I'm crying right now for your sweet little boy. That nurse just pissed me off and then your sweet little Bear was so kind. I would have wanted to carry him out too. But he was brave and walked out like a big boy.
I'm crying for you both. I wish all children didn't have to deal with pain.

August 10, 2011 at 7:11 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

I am so sorry you and your sweet little boy have to go through this. It made me tear up just reading it, I can't imagine going through it.

August 10, 2011 at 7:12 AM  
Blogger Stasha said...

Oh Shell. . .

I know this is so very hard on you. And him.

No one wants to see their child in pain.

You? Are an amazing Mom. Amazing.

Stay strong for your little man.

He is such a sweet little boy. . .

Hugs to you.

August 10, 2011 at 7:15 AM  
Blogger mom2kiddos said...

That's a terrible thing a child has to go through. I cringe everytime my kids have to take their shots. Your boy has a big heart for thanking the nurse. It was rather difficult to read through what you have to experience each time and I only hope he will recover soon.

August 10, 2011 at 7:24 AM  
Blogger The Blonde Duck said...

God, I can't even imagine. I can barely watch my dogs get their shots!

August 10, 2011 at 7:31 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Children truly are the bravest people.

Hopefully these blood draws will be a memory soon as his levels continue to decrease.

I love how he was patting your back - he is a special boy.

August 10, 2011 at 7:43 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

Oh, sweetie, I am totally crying with you now. Poor little sweetheart. Stupid effing nurse who won't listen.
Wish there was someone to hold Mommy's hand. Hang in there.

August 10, 2011 at 7:48 AM  
Blogger tessica said...

Bless his heart... and yours!
So impressed by your strength.

August 10, 2011 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger Double Ls and Mommy said...

I hope he gets well soon. Take good care, Shell.

August 10, 2011 at 8:18 AM  
Blogger The Random Blogette said...

Oh this just breaks my heart because I know exactly how you feel! Paige was diagnosed with PKU when she was only a few weeks old. She has had to get blood tests anywhere from 2-6 months when she was younger and now it is only every 6-8 months. It has always been so hard to sit there while she cries and has a needle shoved in her arm. When she was a baby they could do the hell stick but that didn't last very long.

Have they told you about the magic cream? I can't remember what it is technically called but it is a cream that numbs the area. It really works too but it needs to be on for about 30 minutes for it to take effect. We used it last time and it was amazing. Paige screamed when she saw the needle and tried to fight it but as soon as they stuck the needle in she started giggling because she couldn't feel it. It was so funny and heartbreaking at the same time.

August 10, 2011 at 8:19 AM  
Blogger Tara R. said...

This breaks my heart. Even when we do exactly what we must for our children, it's not always easy. One day he will understand.

August 10, 2011 at 8:24 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

I have chills running through my body - not because I understand what you are going through, but because I completely understand what he is going through.

You are doing what's best for him and he will remember the moments when it's over much more quickly than the moments of pain.

August 10, 2011 at 8:25 AM  
OpenID pmlevitt said...

I'm so sorry you both have to go through this; we did one blood draw with my little one at 18 months; it took 4 people to hold her down and it broke my heart. They were so callous about it that I switched doctors. It was an experience that stuck with me, so I can't imagine how hard this is for you! Give your little guy an extra hug and get one for yourself in return!

August 10, 2011 at 8:25 AM  
Blogger Di said...

Oh Shell - My heart broke for you reading this. I remember having to sit in the NICU waiting room when they tried to reposition Jellybean's PICC line and it killed me not being able to be there to comfort him during the process. I couldn't bear to go through it monthly. Hoping his levels drop soon and this becomes a distant memory.

August 10, 2011 at 8:27 AM  
Blogger Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Oh Shell. You are a brave mom and it reflects in your little boy. I know it must hurt you every time he has to go through it, and I can't imagine that it's been going on 2 years. You're tough, and so is he. {{hugs}}

August 10, 2011 at 8:27 AM  
Blogger Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Oh Shell! SO hard! When my oldest was little, she had a condition where her urethra wouldn't close after she peed and the urine would back up into her bladder and cause infections. She would have to give urine samples almost monthly to try to stay ahead of the infections, but how do you get a one year old's urine sample? They can not pee in the cup. So, she had to have a catheter inserted each and every time, and I would have to hold her down.
It undid me every. damn. time.
I totally get where you are.
Hang in there, momma.

August 10, 2011 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger Big D and Me said...

I'm so sorry you have to go through that - I had to take my 3 for blood tests where they fill up test tubes of blood and it was horrible - the 2 yr old fought and fought - I hope all is getting better with your son

August 10, 2011 at 8:29 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

that just breaks my heart. It's so hard to watch your child go through things like this...especially when you have to be part of it.

I have very similar feelings when we have to take Buster to get set up for EEG's. I literally have to sit ON him, and pin his arms down. It takes all of my strength, both physical and emotional. It is so hard.

((HUGS)) to you.

August 10, 2011 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger Jackie said...

That is so heartbreaking! At five, he's still such a little thing- yet wanting to be a big guy. Hugs!

August 10, 2011 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger Work, Wife, Mom... Life! said...

that's gotta be so hard. sounds like your boy is getting braver and braver. xo

August 10, 2011 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger m&msmommy said...

UGH!!!!! This post broke my heart! Seeing your children in pain (regardless of what degree it is) is just awful! I'm sorry you had to go through this! :(

YOu are a wonderful mother and he is SO lucky to have you there for him, even if he doesn't realize it at the time!

August 10, 2011 at 8:33 AM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Oh Shell, you've brought me to tears. I get this on so many levels. It's so awful when we have to do something that hurts our children and we know they aren't capable of knowing why.

When I was 6, I had an extremely severe case of mono and had to have weekly blood draws for several months and it was exactly like this. You are doing the right thing, but one thing I will say is don't be afraid to stand up for your bear. If you do this routinely, you do know what works best and you can insist that he stay in your lap and tell then which arm to use. He will struggle, but the comfort of the routine will make it go better.

Such a sweet boy and what a wonderful Mama!

August 10, 2011 at 8:35 AM  
Blogger Rusti said...

I'm in tears right now reading this... it breaks my heart for you and your sweet boy. We haven't had to go through anything close to what you have, but my heart has broken every.single.time. my baby girl has been hurting or sick and I've been helpless... I'm so sorry for your pain, both of yours. I'll pray that the blood draws will lessen and become unnecessary soon... *hugs*

August 10, 2011 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

Awwww... I just want to help you hold him tight. I wish I could be there to help you through those times.

The last time Zach needed bloodwork done, I actually did it myself at home, in our living room - slowly and let him be part of it.. examining all the equipment and showing him how it was used. I wish I could do that for your little man - might help the anxiety a little bit.

((hugs)) my friend.

August 10, 2011 at 8:53 AM  
Blogger By Word of Mouth Musings said...

Sweet Shell, hugs and love and prayers to you and your little boy with all you are going thro. When you talk about him, you eyes light up but your face draws in pain .... I wish you both health and happiness and that it soon ends :(

August 10, 2011 at 8:54 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

Oh Shell, my heart is breaking for you. I've had to deal with needles for both of my kids. It is the hardest thing in the world to see you baby in pain knowing there is nothing you can do to stop it.

I can't believe the nurse wouldn't let you hold him, but I think you should be very proud of how he handled it.

August 10, 2011 at 9:01 AM  
Blogger Missy said...

I'm crying. But I'm also MAD. At that nurse. Her job is to draw blood, but another part of it is to comfort and assist in an extremely difficult process for a mom and child. I just want to go yell at her and say "GET SOME COMPASSION. This is a LITTLE BOY. Not a grown up. Treat him like the boy he is and act like the professional you're supposed to be."

That is all. Want me to go with you next time?

August 10, 2011 at 9:02 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

Oh, Shell. :-( Major hugs to you and your little man.

August 10, 2011 at 9:08 AM  
OpenID lostandforgotten said...

=( What a brave boy. As an adult I absolutely hate needles and having my blood drawn, I don't think I could have been as brave as he was. I hope it gets easier.

August 10, 2011 at 9:08 AM  
Blogger Rebecca Watson said...

very well written Shell! :) Sucks that nurse was being a brat :)

August 10, 2011 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger Katina said...

Girrrrrrl, you get the Mommy award of the year. I am not so sure that I couldn't have kept from cussing that nurse out.

I almost cried when you said he said "thank you". WOW!

August 10, 2011 at 9:11 AM  
Blogger NotSoSilentMommy said...

Thank you for my morning cry.. A full out ugly cry.
You are amazingly talented with the way that you put things into words. And you are obviously an amazingly strong and wonderful mommy to go through all of this. To help your little man through this.
He sounds awesome as well!

August 10, 2011 at 9:18 AM  
Blogger Mama Zen said...

This broke my heart. It's so hard to do what has to be done sometimes.

August 10, 2011 at 9:19 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

Oh this breaks my heart! That poor little guy...and that nurse couldn't she been a little nicer? UGH! Your little boy is so sweet and can't believe he said thank you at the end.

August 10, 2011 at 9:19 AM  
Blogger Brittney said...

oh shell this made me cry so hard! I have been in the same shoes as you as before as the frequent blood drawing goes. Ill never forget when Bailey started crying mommy im sorry im sorry please dont be mad at me Im sorry.. he thought i was punishing him by letting them take his blood. My heart shattered into a million pieces right then and there! It is hard but over the years it has definitely gotten easier for Bailey and I hope the same is for your little man.

August 10, 2011 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Poor, poor baby. It breaks my heart. I know we talked about this when it happened, but it just kills me that she did this to him and didn't listen to you. I know you won't let that happen again.

August 10, 2011 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger finallyMom@blogspot.com said...

oh crap, this is not a good day for me to read this. i'm SO SORRY you both have to go through that- and so often. you poor sweet little man!!

August 10, 2011 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Jayme said...

It's SO hard when kids have to go through medical stuff. It just breaks your heart.

August 10, 2011 at 9:33 AM  
Blogger Mungee's Ma said...

My heart was just breaking as I read this with tears in my eyes. Your poor baby should not have to endure this. Nor should you. Is there a chance that his lead levels will ever get back to where they should be? I do hope so!

August 10, 2011 at 9:37 AM  
Blogger angela said...

My heart hurts for you both. You and Bear are both brave.

August 10, 2011 at 9:37 AM  
Anonymous Sara @ Periwinkle Papillon said...

That was heart wrenching to read but beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. Your little man sounds like a true warrior. I hope the tests going forward are few and far between.

August 10, 2011 at 9:40 AM  
Anonymous Megan (Best of Fates) said...

That's just heartbreaking.

And, awkwardly segueing, I love your new button - I can't wait to see the new site! (I'm a sucker for redesign.)

August 10, 2011 at 9:40 AM  
Blogger Mothers' Hideaway said...

Oh how heartbreaking! I'm so sorry you both have to go through that! :(

August 10, 2011 at 9:42 AM  
Blogger Anastasia said...

OH no. It is bad enough watching their faces crumble during regular shots. He is such a brave sweet little boy. I hope it ends for him soon. You said his levels are lowing, so hopefully it keeps going low.

August 10, 2011 at 9:42 AM  
Blogger Kimmie said...

Oh goodness, I am SO sorry that you and your sweet boy have to go through this. My heart broke as I read this~~it's so much for a small child to endure!!

August 10, 2011 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger championm2000 said...

Your Bear could teach me a thing or two about strength and gratitude.

What a great testament to his character.

((hugs)) to you both.

August 10, 2011 at 9:51 AM  
Blogger The Woven Moments said...

Ok now *I'M* crying and I wasn't even there!

Also - I'd like to stick a few needles in that nasty nurse.

Wait - is that wrong?

August 10, 2011 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I'm in tears. What a bitch that nurse was. Don't be a children's nurse if you can't be nice.

I'm so so sorry you have to go through this.

August 10, 2011 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] said...

Poor little guy. :(

I don't get why you couldn't hold him, like usual, if its what works to keep him calm. The nurse doesn't know what position you need to be in to hold him - and she should have been more willing to do whatever he needed.

But - easier said than done sometimes. *hugs*

August 10, 2011 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

Your poor sweet boy. That has to be so incredibly hard on you both. Aidan has had a few procedures done (including an EEG) that were very painful for him and I cried. Sometimes it's all we can do. Bear is lucky to have such a wonderful mother who does comfort him and let's him know that she loves him and that it will be all right. :)

August 10, 2011 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger Kim @ Mamas Monologues said...

My heart broke just reading this. I'm so sorry you both have to go through this. He's a strong sweet boy and that shows here.

August 10, 2011 at 10:01 AM  
Blogger Heidi said...

Poor little guy, poor mommy too! It's so hard when they don't understand why it has to be done. All they know is that they hurt.

August 10, 2011 at 10:09 AM  
Blogger Charlotte said...

First things first: I love your new button! Very cute.

Also, you have reduced me to a puddle of tears. This post really hit me today. I don't even have words and can barely see the keyboard. *HUGS* and much continued strength. That's what I wish for you, Shell, and your beautiful little boy.

August 10, 2011 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger RoryBore said...

My 4 yr old girl had to get several stitches in her head recently. One time of her crying, begging, pleading, then angry words was enough for me. I don't know how either of us would endure something that was routine.
What a brave, sweet little man you have!

Please tell me though...did you go back and smack that nurse?

August 10, 2011 at 10:16 AM  
Blogger Boobies said...

This breaks my heart for you, as I can't imagine having to go through this.

Your little guy is gorgeous...and somehow I'm sure that he's one strong lil man to boot.

Hang in there Shell! XOXO

August 10, 2011 at 10:28 AM  
Anonymous Mandi @My Perfect Mess said...

That is just heartbreaking... :(

August 10, 2011 at 10:31 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

All four of my kids have had this blood draw, baby girl 2x. That makes it 5 times for me. It was awful, plain and simple traumatic for the kids, and traumatic for me. I can't imagine having to go through it over, and over again. I can't imagine it as the kid or the mom.

But we do what we have to, what we know is necessary for our children. No matter how much it hurts.

BTW, I used to think it was the stupidest test ever...then I met you.

August 10, 2011 at 10:37 AM  
Blogger livingsj77 said...

Oh Shell...my heart is breaking for you and your little man. I can barely see my kids get shots. I'm so sorry.

August 10, 2011 at 10:40 AM  
Blogger Jessica @ My Simply Complicated said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

August 10, 2011 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Eat. Live. Laugh. and sometimes shop! said...

The worst!!! That is absolutely the worst. I am so sorry for you and him. Hugs to you both!

August 10, 2011 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Beth Zimmerman said...

Oh Shell ... that's one of the hardest, saddest, most heart-wrenching things I have read. I am so sorry ... for BOTH of you!

August 10, 2011 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Jessica @ My Simply Complicated said...

I sat here and cried with you. I remember the day I watched you tweet about this happening. I was ENRAGED for you.

I understand that there are policies and there are procedures, but what woman doesn't know when to stop and realize that a mother does know best for her own child, especially in these circumstances?

I know that there are some control freaks out there and people who can't let things be different, but these circumstances, Shell? Are ridiculous. Your son does this regularly. You know what's best. You have a right to speak up, yell, or even shout that it will be done your way.

{{HUGS}} to your sweet, sweet boy (and you!). I just smiled and smiled when I looked at that picture of him. Love! He's going to be a heart throb some day, you know?!

August 10, 2011 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Kir said...

Oh Shell,
I can't even imagine and I can hardly comment because of the tears rolling down my face.
Poor little guy and poor mommmy.

I saw so much of Jacob in this post, that THANK YOU would have leveled me too, I just want him to be better...for him and for you.


August 10, 2011 at 10:52 AM  
Blogger Andrea (ace1028) said...

Oh, Shell, you brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you and your lil bear have to go through this repeatedly. Huge hugs, mama.

August 10, 2011 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger Not Just Another Jennifer said...

Shell, my heart hurts for you. I wish I could snap my fingers and take it away for you both. Hugs...

August 10, 2011 at 10:59 AM  
Blogger Kristina P. said...

Oh, what a trooper!! I am so sorry. For both of you.

August 10, 2011 at 11:00 AM  
Blogger Rach (DonutsMama) said...

My heart is aching for your little boy. And for you. I hate it when Donut gets her shots, I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope that these draws will one day be unnecessary.

But that nurse?? Have some compassion! I'd complain. I hate it when children hurt. It broke my heart that he thanked her. Sweet boy.

August 10, 2011 at 11:15 AM  
Blogger An Imperfect Momma said...

tearing up. My heart goes out to you & your brave little man

August 10, 2011 at 11:22 AM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

Oh Shell. My heart breaks for you and your little man. I'm so sorry you both have to go through this.

Is there a reason you couldn't hold him that time? It seems so strange to me. He's only 5, seems like they should encourage his mother comforting him as best she can. Just a thought.

August 10, 2011 at 11:28 AM  
Anonymous Robin @ Farewell, Stranger said...

Oh Shell, this breaks my heart. What an amazing and strong little man you have there.

August 10, 2011 at 11:32 AM  
Blogger From Tracie said...

Crying. Nearly weeping.

Your sweet boy. I'm so sorry he has to go this.

They should have at least let you hold him.

August 10, 2011 at 11:54 AM  
Blogger Maggie S. said...

Criminy. I have had a vein blow before. I can't believe that happened to your son's small arm. I couldn't use the arm for 2 months. The bruising looked like a car fell on my arm. I am so sorry.

August 10, 2011 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger Jennie said...

I am so sorry about all you're going through with your son. It's just horrible. And I felt it while reading your post, from mother to mother, and I cried. I know what it's like to have your child going through something medically, and all you can do is hold them as you discreetly cry. Hope he gets better soon and you guys can move past this nightmare!

August 10, 2011 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

Shell, I've had to do this w/ Lil Kiss. For his nut allergy levels. I don't think it's as often as your lil guy, but it's still awful. Thing is now, though? I can tell he's in pain, but he looks right in my eyes and fights the tears. That is almost worse, like he's trying not to cry for me :(

August 10, 2011 at 12:18 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

My heart goes out to you and your little boy... And the Thank You at the end? My daughter does the same thing and it breaks my heart.

August 10, 2011 at 12:28 PM  
Blogger Lourie said...

I couldn't do it. But I know if I had to, I would. It's horrible to see our children in pain. ((hugs)) for you and your sweet boy.

August 10, 2011 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger Foursons said...

Oh how awful. And what a sweet little boy you have. I hate that nurse. HATE her. Dumb woman using the wrong arm.

August 10, 2011 at 12:38 PM  
Blogger Jeannie, Jane, Angel, Mommy, etc.. said...

Shell, I am sitting hee fighting back the tears because I know all too well where you are coming from. I go through the same fight with Monkey even though she has been getting her blood drawn every month since she was 5 1/5 months old because of her transplant. It hasn't gotten better yet. I have found a few tricks that help make the nervousness lessen for her though. I always tell her that we are going to the hospital for labs the day before. That way she gets used to the idea and doesn't feel like I tricked her. I also tell them that she has to sit on my lap or they aren't getting near her. It truly does help her, even though she still fights. And, in the long run, it helps them. I truly hope you and your little one do not have to go through this much longer.

August 10, 2011 at 12:39 PM  
Blogger Moomser said...

Reading about a child struggling, being hurt is terrible I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to go through it repeatedly. It sounds like you have a very strong, brave little boy. I hope he doesn't have to go through it much longer.

August 10, 2011 at 12:46 PM  
Blogger Courtney K. said...

Oh, Shell. This post broke my heart and I was halfway done reading it before I realized I was crying right along with you. It absolutely breaks my heart to see or hear about a child in pain. I can't imagine how gut-wrenching that must be for you. It sounds like you have got a very brave and very genuine little boy. Prayers that things get fixed soon and there are NO MORE blood draws!

August 10, 2011 at 1:00 PM  
Blogger Just Jennifer said...

What an awesome little guy you have there! I would have felt the exact same way as you.

I can't believe how brave they can be. We had to take our son to the ER awhile back becasue he split his eyebrow open and needed stitches. He was so dang tough and I was so proud.

August 10, 2011 at 1:04 PM  
Blogger LeadingMama said...

I simply would be a basket case if I couldn't hold my boy when they drew the blood. What a sweet little boy you have and what a kind heart he shows, thanking the nurse who hurt him.

August 10, 2011 at 1:22 PM  
Blogger Not a Perfect Mom said...

I know how hard it is! Brooke has to get blood drawn every three months...and she's getting to the point where it's a struggle...
and really? why don't they listen to us when we tell them where the good vein is?
I'm sorry Shell, I know how hard it is...

August 10, 2011 at 1:33 PM  
Blogger Emmy said...

This just made me want to cry too! I am so so sorry he has to go through this. I want to kick that nurse!

August 10, 2011 at 1:38 PM  
Anonymous Mama and the City said...

This is heartbreaking.

I truly believe we are never sure what we are capable of until we are forced to face difficult situations. I can't imagine going through something like this.

You are a tough mama.

August 10, 2011 at 1:43 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

Oh Shell!

What got me, besides him saying "Thank You" to the nurse (what a nurse! Grrr!) was how he started patting your back as you cried. I'm so tearing up, right now. So gracious and sweet though his pain.

So strong and brave - both of you. Sending Big Hugs. Soon these times will be nothing but a memory.

August 10, 2011 at 1:47 PM  
Blogger Lizbeth said...

In my former life I was a peds RN, working specifically in the OR. We had to do IV sticks all the time. The nurse should have listened to you about which arm was best. I am sorry she didn't listen. Thats just horrible.

They now have a gel that you can put over the area to numb it but it takes up to 30 minutes for it to work, Emla cream, I think its called?? Either way, its a topical numbing agent.

I've been out of practice for a bit but maybe you can ask for it next time? When my daughter had blood work done they (the lab techs) didn't like to mention it but they had it and let us use it. I think they thought it was better just to get in and out really quick.

Either way, my heart goes out to you and yours.

August 10, 2011 at 3:14 PM  
Blogger Reagan said...

Awwww...{{HUGS}} to you and your little man! I just had routine shots so I can imagine this is so traumatic for all of you.

August 10, 2011 at 3:22 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

It's so hard to watch our children suffer. My heart breaks for you and your little man..

August 10, 2011 at 3:29 PM  
Blogger JamieAnne of A Dash of Domestic said...

Oh Shell. How my heart is aching for you and your sweet son. You're right, his ability to thank someone who was hurting him (with a good reason) shows his character. You are raising amazing children my dear.

Hugs, I hope the blood draws end soon!

August 10, 2011 at 3:31 PM  
Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

This makes me cry! I am so glad they didn't need to take more blodd.

August 10, 2011 at 3:54 PM  
Blogger MrsJenB said...

Poor, brave, sweet boy. My heart aches so much for him. And that "thank you"? Would have broken me, too.

August 10, 2011 at 4:11 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I've been there. It is so hard. Next time, insist that you and your son will be staying in the chair.

August 10, 2011 at 4:23 PM  
Blogger mama marchand said...

Oh, Shell ... fighting back tears right now. I'm so sorry, mama friend. It is SO difficult to watch that pain. I got such a little glimpse of what you deal with last week when I took N for her first bloodwork appointment (routine, apparently). While it's nothing like what you go through, I understand.


August 10, 2011 at 4:26 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Hugs to you, my friend. Hugs to you.

August 10, 2011 at 4:30 PM  
Blogger Helene said...

Oh Shell, I'm sitting here crying as I read this post. Nothing worse than seeing our babies in pain and being the ones to have to hold them down so the nursing staff can get done what needs to be done.

How very sweet that he said "thank you" when it was over...that's a true testament to his kind and loving spirit.

This is definitely one of the hardest parts of being a parent.

August 10, 2011 at 4:44 PM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

Well, I wasn't prepared for these tears. I am sitting here bawling for you and your sweet little man!

You are such an amazing person Shell! {{{{hugs}}}} to you my sweet friend!

Love you!

August 10, 2011 at 6:15 PM  
Blogger I'm Jennifer. said...

Oh my god.

After all that, your son thanked the nurse?

I am blown away by this post and by your little man.

I'm sorry he has to go through this. I really hate to be nosy but how much longer? How many more? I hope it will end someday soon.

Huge hugs to you and your little man.

August 10, 2011 at 6:36 PM  
Blogger KSK said...

That is truly the saddest post I think I have read in a long time (if not ever!)!!
Your poor little son! Such a sweetie! My heart aches for him! And you!!!
I'm not familiar with lead poisoning.. I would've NEVER guessed it would take 2+ years of getting blood drawn!!
I hope it ends soon!!! :(

August 10, 2011 at 7:07 PM  
Anonymous Paula @ Simply Sandwich said...

Shell, I am so sorry your little guy has to go thru this and that you have to as well. I just hate when my kids are in pain. :( I am praying that this whole sitch will end soon for both of you!

August 10, 2011 at 7:16 PM  
Blogger Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

Oh Shell,

This just put a huge lump in my throat! Poor baby, and poor mommy! I can't stand it when my babies get shots, I can only imagine having to get a blood draw done routinely!!

Big hugs to you!

August 10, 2011 at 7:30 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what its like going through this.

August 10, 2011 at 9:27 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

Shel - you already have 102 comments ... so if you ever get down this far - please know that you are not alone. Been right there with you. Alexander's veins are so small thy have to go right for the head. and sometimes interns come in and think they know it all and that is when bad things happen. be proactive. be protective. your mommy gut will direct you. your mommy tears will reassure him. love - from us to you. Kristen@www.alittlesomethingforme.com

August 10, 2011 at 9:38 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Oh it's so hard. I remember having to do that with my son when he was less than two and not old enough to understand. You are both so brave and strong!

August 10, 2011 at 10:34 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Oh Shell...you and your poor little guy. I can't even begin to imagine. And what was up with that nurse??! Was she born with no heart? HUGS

August 10, 2011 at 10:45 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Oh, how awful. My heart breaks for both of you. I know his struggles are so difficult and impossible to understand. I can't even begin to imagine the heartbreak of his tears. You're such a wonderful mama, Shell. Keep being his protector and his fighter! I love you and I am so proud of how you fight for him!

August 10, 2011 at 10:57 PM  
Blogger Nicolette said...

I'm so sorry you and little man have to go through this so often. You are an amazing Mom and were so brave for him. I think I would have broke down. Sending hugs and positive thoughts that you will not have to do this much longer.

August 10, 2011 at 11:04 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

Oh jeez Shell, I'm sorry you all have to go through that over and over. You just have to hang in and show him there's nothing to panic about. Ugh :( Hope his levels diminish enough that the tests get less frequent.

August 10, 2011 at 11:19 PM  
Blogger Bossy said...

Shell, that made me cry and recall my own adventures with the vampires. When my son's liver and kidneys were struggling we had weekly blood draws instead of monthly. I miss the days of fighting, they were preferable to the stone-silent acceptance and blank stares. It is so hard when you know that they are hurting. Hats off to your polite little guy.

August 11, 2011 at 12:35 AM  
Blogger Peeper said...

Oh Shell...Ada has never had a blood draw but I know you captured it perfectly: that's exactly how it is. I'm so sorry.

It's hard sometimes to know how strong we can be when our children need us. It's hard to believe that we have the reserves, the will, the character to submit to these moments for the greater good. You're such a good mom. Such a GREAT mom for taking care of him. Repeat as needed.

Big hugs to you and your son.

August 11, 2011 at 12:58 AM  
Blogger Mom of 12 said...

I'm so sad for both of you! When my Baby Doll had jaundice that just wouldn't go away (besides all the heel pricks) I had to take her for a blood draw. She was so tiny, just under 7 pounds. The vampire swore he could get a draw, but he couldn't. After a couple of tries he brought in his supervisor. She couldn't do it either. Finally they ended up pulling several vials of blood from her foot that already looked like hamburger. When she decided maybe they didn't have enough and tried the last time, I finally found my voice. I said, "Enough!" and picked up my little darling from the table and walked away. Find somebody else. You don't have to put up with someone who is incompetent! Do it your way. It's funny, it took me 12 kids to realize that I didn't have to put up with them hurting my child. I could just say no. I hope your son feels better soon. Thanks for the nice comments on my blog.

August 11, 2011 at 1:03 AM  
Blogger Jessica {Team Rasler} said...

I cried when I read this (like many others, I'm sure). For him, for you, and ultimately for my nephew and my sister as they continue to fight his neuroblastoma. It's now been a year of blood draws and surgeries and chemo and radiation and tests and catheters and... it's just unreal. It makes me so angry that little ones like this have to hurt, over and over again. Most of the time, I can't think about it or I would spend all of my days crying and/or squeezing my boys too tightly. I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. It completely sucks.

August 11, 2011 at 8:29 AM  
Anonymous Teresa said...

Poor little guy.

August 11, 2011 at 12:26 PM  
Blogger Ma What's 4 dinner said...

Oh Shell! So well written...so heartbreaking...

Brady does that too, after they draw blood or stitch him or whatever trauma he's been thru, he cries and says thank you...LOVE THEM!!!

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner

August 11, 2011 at 2:50 PM  
Blogger WhisperingWriter said...

How scary. I'm so sorry that happened.

August 11, 2011 at 3:37 PM  
Blogger Heather H said...

Oh Shell, this totally made me cry. I don't know how you make it through it. I'm so sorry you and Bear and the rest of your family are having to go through it at all. I wish I had some advice to make it better or easier or something, but I doubt my "promise M&Ms if he doesn't cry" shot trick would work here. One day he will understand and thank you for it.

And oh my goodness, what a sweet guy! Thanking the nurse when it was over! So, so, so sweet!

August 11, 2011 at 3:47 PM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

Sitting here crying for you and tbe wee one. Its unfair and sucks, a lot (very elequent haha) that he has to go through this.

August 11, 2011 at 7:30 PM  
Blogger Tina @ Life Without Pink said...

Oh Shell I could feel for you, I am so sorry! Your sweet boy is one kind little man. Big hugs to you!

August 11, 2011 at 8:14 PM  
Anonymous Sara said...

Oh shell! That post was hard to read! You and your adorable little man are so amazing and brave!

August 11, 2011 at 11:49 PM  
Blogger DysFUNctional Mom said...

He is so beautiful. I'm so sorry that both of you have to go through this.

August 12, 2011 at 3:41 AM  
Blogger Elaine A. said...

Oh Shell, I'm crying. I can only imagine what that's like for both of you. I mean, I just hate it when my kids get vaccinations! HUGE (((hugs)))!!!

I hope that very soon he doesn't have to do this anymore.

August 12, 2011 at 11:36 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Oh this post hurts my heart. I can't stand having to watch my kids go through any kind of pain.

August 12, 2011 at 11:43 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

That breaks my heart for you and your son, that is so hard. Then I start to get a little angry because that nurse needs to go do something else if that's the way she's going to act. He's 5, he doesn't get it, it hurts him so show him a little compassion, which should be the capstone of your career, and let Mom hold him!!! I'm so sorry that you have to go through this!!!!

August 12, 2011 at 5:54 PM  
Anonymous Jessica Anne said...

Oh that is so hard to read. My heart breaks for both of you. I hope the levels drop quickly and you both can be done with it.

August 12, 2011 at 9:24 PM  
Blogger Katie Hurley, LCSW said...

I am crying for both of you. That is heartbreaking. And that nurse...there are ways to help children feel just a little less anxious...clearly she doesn't know those ways. I'm so sorry that you both have to go through this, it's just so hard.

August 13, 2011 at 12:24 AM  
Blogger Varda said...

Oh, Shell, my heart goes out to you guys. Because of the pharmaceuticals Jake takers, and his bio-medical oddities, he needs regular blood draws too. I have learned the hard way, as have you that I have to stand up for my guy. Because how it is done makes all the difference in the world. He is 9 and still sits in my lap. I insist.

The next time you get a Nurse Rachet? Demand another nurse. You have RIGHTS here - he CAN sit on your lap, you can insist! It can be in the easier arm - patients have rights! If you get push back from the staff, demand to speak to the supervisor, demand to talk to the doctor in charge. Use the right words, talk about medical ethics and patient rights, ask for the patient advocate if it's at a hospital (they have to have one).

If they are really awful, go into the waiting room (the more crowded the better) and make a LOUD call to your "Lawyer" (even if it's just a friend you're calling). I'm sory this just gets my blood boiling and doesn't have to be this way. Hugs to both of you.

August 13, 2011 at 3:32 PM  
Blogger Ana Eugenio said...

oh my! Shell :) thank you! you took the time to comment on my blog too. I think your 'Pour Your Heart Out' is a great idea, but at my blog everybody knows who I am, lol :) even my mother reads it.

August 14, 2011 at 12:15 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

This one really tugged my heart! Sending hugs and peace your way! It's so hard when we have to hurt them to help them. I can really relate to this.

August 14, 2011 at 4:16 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

Oh, that moment when he said "Thank you" (because you've taught him to be polite...)

And then he slid down on his own and walked toward the door (even though you were willing to carry him...)

So sweet and heartbreaking and brave.

There is strength in both of you - more than you know.

And I hope hope hope there will be fewer times when it must be demonstrated.

Hugs to you both, my friend.

August 14, 2011 at 4:32 PM  
Blogger Renee said...

Oh that just breaks my heart. I can't imagine how tough it is for him...and you. You are one strong momma.

August 15, 2011 at 12:34 PM  
Blogger Joann Mannix said...

You know what I hate? Cold hearted nurses.

There is something to be said for a mother's lap in times like these.

My heart broke when he said thank you. What a brave, beautiful tenderhearted boy. You should be so proud.

I'm sorry that your family is going through this. I hope and pray that his lead levels decline so that all of this will be just a memory.

Such a poignant, heartbreaking post.

I want to get a hold of that nurse for you and school her on a few things.

August 20, 2011 at 9:33 PM  

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