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The Year It All Goes Wrong

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Monday, December 6, 2010

The Year It All Goes Wrong

Knowing how they began, how much they loved...

It's hard to imagine them not being together forever.

Maybe it was too much change all at once.

He got out of the Marine Corps and went from feeling like he had a purpose to not knowing what he was going to do with his life. Working a job that was just temporary and going to school. Going from making twice as much as she did to making half as much as she did. Being back where he had grown up and people having certain expectations of him- very low expectations.

She moved for him. To a place that she'd never been to before. To a place where she would never have considered moving if it weren't for him. She thought it would be okay, since she had moved somewhere where she had known no one just the year before and that had turned out just fine. But, it was different when he knew people and she didn't.  She had loved her old job and though she got paid a lot more for her new job, she hated it and had a lot of free time on her hands with nothing to do.

And instead of only dating during the week and staying together during the weekends, they were now living together.

Too much change, all at once.

He wanted her to be things that she was not, things she had never been, to fit in with his old friends.

She wanted him to be the man she'd fallen in love with.

Neither could do it.

He came home from work one day in the worst mood she'd ever seen him in....up to that point, anyway. He had run into an old girlfriend of his and her mom. He was embarrassed that they saw him as being a nobody, someone who wasn't doing anything important with his life.

She reached for him and said, "But, you just got out of the military! You're going to school and this is all just temporary. You're going to be able to do whatever you want." She had complete faith in him.

He angrily shrugged her hand off his arm and stormed back out of their apartment.

She wasn't sure when it happened, but he stopped talking to her about anything important. Stopped touching her. Stopped looking at her.

And she felt so alone. Her job was one that kept her isolated, too. He was her only friend in this city and he was never around any more.

She sunk into depression.

He seemed angry with her all the time.

What had happened to that guy who had promised he'd love her forever?

Months passed and she hoped that somehow, they would be able to find their way back to how they had started. She still loved him so much.

He suggested that they go out with his best friend and his best friend's wife one night, to a club. His eyes daring her to tell him how much she really didn't like clubs, how she doesn't dance.

But, she agreed and went out shopping. Bought clothes that weren't like her. Leather pants that hugged her curves. A pink halter top, made entirely of sequins that covered little more than her chest in the front and was nothing but criss-crossed tying strings in the back. Heels. New make-up.

She got ready in their bedroom. Examing herself in the mirror. Knowing this was a desperate move on her part. That, though she looked like hot, this wasn't her. But, maybe it would please him.

When he saw her, his first reaction was what she wanted. He looked her up and down and smiled.

And then his expression hardened and he asked, "What are you doing in that?"

She shrugged, grabbed her jacket, and walked out the door.

Drinking way too much that night, she danced with the wife of his friend. And flirted with other guys. One asked her about the engagement ring on her finger and she yelled, "It means NOTHING! He doesn't want to marry me any more!" And she laughed in a way that bordered on tears.

The car ride back home was a quiet, tension-filled one.

As soon as they got home, she locked herself in the bathroom and ran the shower so that he wouldn't hear her crying.

She waited until she thought he was asleep before she crawled into bed beside him.  But, he was still awake.

"What was that tonight?" he asked.

"I'm just trying to make you happy. I thought maybe if I tried to be what you wanted, you would love me again."

"But, I still love you."

She held her breath, not sure if she wanted to know the answer to the question in her mind, but decided that she needed to know. "Do you still love me?"

"I do," he told her.

With that, he rolled over to face the wall, leaving her to think that he didn't really mean it.

She cried as quietly as she could, thinking that she couldn't keep going on like this very much longer. She loved him still- oh, so very much, still as much as she had before.

Last year, she'd never doubted his love for her. But, now.....

She didn't want this to end, even though it was painful to stay. She couldn't stand the idea of not being with him.

If you missed any of the story of my past, where yes, I talk about myself in the third person, you can check out these links to get caught up:

10 Days After the Hurricane
Was It a Big Mistake?
A Romance Grows
And Then He Left Her
She Moves for Him
The Waiting Game
The Engagement



Blogger singedwingangel said...

ACCKKKK another cliffhanger..and I know this feeling all too well. Crossingfingers for her

December 6, 2010 at 7:14 AM  
Blogger Saucy B said...

Oh man, what a heartbreaking position to be in. And to be so alone. It's terrible when a relationship is at that point where both people know it's over but no one wants to say it.

December 6, 2010 at 7:26 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Oh no. I love you...I just don't want to touch you. That's not good.

Can't wait for the next portion.

December 6, 2010 at 8:22 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

Isolation plays some awful games on us. Hard to sort through it all. Worse, it is almost impossible to pre-isolation.

December 6, 2010 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Another perfect time to read your story! Coffee in hand. As always, wanting more!

December 6, 2010 at 8:40 AM  
Blogger Lady Jennie said...

I was already reading your blog when I got the tweet about this post. I can't wait to see what happens in the story. (Do they end up staying together?) (grin)

December 6, 2010 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger Lin said...

Such a cliffhanger! I hope he gets a brain...and she gets her happy ending!

Happy to have found your story!


December 6, 2010 at 8:52 AM  
Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

What a tough stage in your relationship!

December 6, 2010 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger MommyLovesStilettos said...

Oh man, this made me sad!!

December 6, 2010 at 9:00 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I hope she gets a happy ending, too! I can't handle the suspense!

December 6, 2010 at 9:00 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

You're killing me Smalls.. killing me.

December 6, 2010 at 9:02 AM  
Blogger bigguysmama said...

Wow, what a sad, sad turn. Can you believe my eyes teared up! LOL I'm totally hooked on your story!


December 6, 2010 at 9:06 AM  
Blogger Steph said...

This made me sad...

And I thought if G and I were younger (with no kids) and I'd made my move to PA, it could have gone that way as well.

Totally relatable in the too much change at once!

Can't wait for the rest.

December 6, 2010 at 9:12 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

Crap. You made me cry.

Great "episode." I can't wait for the next!

December 6, 2010 at 9:22 AM  
Blogger natalee said...

I get soo mad when the story comes to an end...i was tearing up.. more.... more

December 6, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger The Random Blogette said...

Wow! I have been there, I just didn't move away with him. That just made my heart hurt!

December 6, 2010 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger SassySillySpunky said...

As always, I can't wait to hear more!!

December 6, 2010 at 9:57 AM  
Blogger Secret Mom Thoughts said...

So heartbreaking. waiting to hear more.

December 6, 2010 at 10:09 AM  
Blogger Kaylee said...

Gosh the suspense.. This is so sad, I can really picture it.

December 6, 2010 at 10:24 AM  
Blogger Just Another Mom of 2 said...

Oh so heartbreaking. There's nothing like a first real love falling apart. Anxiously waiting for more!!

December 6, 2010 at 10:26 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Love is never easy, is it?

December 6, 2010 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

this is heart wrenching girl...i can only imagine how you felt!

amazing writing though!

December 6, 2010 at 11:25 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

Wanting to stay and wanting to go is a place no one wants to be in.

I'm happy that you are in a good place now, but it was a rough road to get there.

December 6, 2010 at 11:42 AM  
Blogger TheBabyMammaChronicles said...

Shell, this was heartbreaking to read. I can imagine howw you must have felt and I'm sorry you went through that. I'm very much looking forward to reading more and hearing about the happiness returning.

December 6, 2010 at 12:00 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

We lived such parallel lives girl. Although mine cheated on me for the last 3 years of our relationship. It sucked!

You are a great writer by the way...you suck us in! :)

December 6, 2010 at 12:15 PM  
Blogger MiMi said...

So sad. :(

December 6, 2010 at 1:07 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

lying in bed, crying that night, must have been so lonely!

December 6, 2010 at 1:20 PM  
Blogger The Drama Mama said...

I have been here before, yet I still wonder what happens next. I love that you are telling your story in bits and pieces on the blog.

December 6, 2010 at 1:31 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I have yet to read the other stories that lead up to this, but I loved this one. Shell, you have a gift for writing. I felt like I was there, lying in your place, feeling what you were going through...


December 6, 2010 at 1:38 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

So very sad.

December 6, 2010 at 1:40 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Ohmygoodness. Why are men so hard to understand? Can't wait to hear how it ends.

December 6, 2010 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger Annie said...

Oh the loneliness, the pain! What an agonizing place to end the story!

You have such a talent. I have to admit, I am slightly jealous of the freedom with which you write. My mom reads almost every single post and my church family knows my blog too. I want to write about my life, my pain, my joys, my sorrows too.

I can tell you are like me. You find healing and solace in writing. You are able to say what you can't say in life. I love that I read this.

Loneliness in a relationship is the biggest oxymoron but occurs so frequently. I am on edge - do they work it out?

December 6, 2010 at 2:25 PM  
Blogger Go Mommy said...

You leave another cliffhanger! I need to feel loved too, not to just be told I am loved.

December 6, 2010 at 2:27 PM  
Blogger Boobies said...

EEEEEEEEEK! Where have I been? Loving this....need to do some back reading...rock on with ya bad self girl!

December 6, 2010 at 2:40 PM  
Blogger Tami G said...

oh my my my..... I'm so behind on my reading - but I LOVED reading this. Not just loved reading it, but realized, I'm kinda living it.... I need to blog again! Thanks for being my inspiration ;-)

December 6, 2010 at 2:50 PM  
Blogger Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

What a twist! I didn't expect this.

December 6, 2010 at 3:26 PM  
Blogger Hutch said...

Even though I've said it a thousand times, I'm hooked! I know where it ends but have no idea how it gets there and can't wait to find out!

December 6, 2010 at 3:59 PM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

I wasn't expecting it to go this way! I knew it would turn but not this crazy turn!

December 6, 2010 at 4:00 PM  
Blogger Mandi Miller said...

More MORE girl!! You are killing me over here!!

December 6, 2010 at 4:18 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

I was wondering how it went wrong. You were SO young. Poor young you!

December 6, 2010 at 6:01 PM  
Blogger Venassa said...

Aww.. sorry you had to go through that :(

December 6, 2010 at 6:03 PM  
Blogger Ms Bibi said...

It's breaking my heart and I can't wait to see what happens next.

I had to go catch up on few posts and now I am left hanging again.

December 6, 2010 at 6:06 PM  
Blogger Joann Mannix said...

I, too, know what's going to happen, but still, it's good. It's so, so good. I want to know more. How alone you must have felt throughout all of this.

December 6, 2010 at 6:37 PM  
Blogger shortmama said...

Oh no! Theres trouble a-brewing!

December 6, 2010 at 7:07 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

Oh how love hurts when it goes wrong.

December 6, 2010 at 7:21 PM  
Blogger Stasha said...

It's very hard to love someone like that and not know if the feeling is mutual...

December 6, 2010 at 7:26 PM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

*sigh* It's like a roller coaster moving in slow motion... it seems like you should be able to stop it, but you just can't...

December 6, 2010 at 7:40 PM  
Blogger Darlene said...

Oh such a heartbreaking time. I feel kind of bad, for anxiously looking forward to more of your story. But, these experiences make finding true love even sweeter. Your writing is amazing.

December 6, 2010 at 7:59 PM  
Blogger Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

So sad, yet I can relate in so many ways. beautiful

December 6, 2010 at 8:51 PM  
Blogger The Mommyologist said...

UGH. Jerkwad. Why do they have to change like that?

December 6, 2010 at 9:16 PM  
Blogger Mindy said...

I found myself holding my breath through parts, hoping things would get better, but dreading what was coming. I will definitely have to go and read the other links.

December 6, 2010 at 11:29 PM  
Blogger MsBabyPlan said...

They say what doesn't kill you make you stronger.

I am sure that episode in her life made both of them very strong in their love :)!

You've got an award from me, please stop by to get :)!

December 7, 2010 at 4:16 AM  
Blogger Emmy said...

Oh I just want to cry for you after reading this! It is amazing how much what others think of us can affect who we are if we let it. Oh please do write the next part soon!!!

December 7, 2010 at 1:10 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Mmmm, glad I had ice cream in hand for your read. Sorry for your heart ache/break.

December 7, 2010 at 6:42 PM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Wow!!!! This is really good. I had missed a few parts and went back to catch up. I know exactly how you describe that you felt. I've had nights like those. I'm not sure where this is going but hopefully it's not too painful.

December 8, 2010 at 12:16 AM  
Blogger Helene said...

Ugh, I have soooo been there...at that point where you just don't want to be the one to say it but you have to because no one deserves to feel that isolated and unwanted.

As always, I'm on the edge of my seat...wanting more.

December 8, 2010 at 1:28 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

OK- so I missed the engagement installment- I was all impatient over here, because it's been like a month. But really, it was just me, not paying attention. So I had to read both of them, and honestly? This should just be a book... Such great storytelling....

December 9, 2010 at 10:10 AM  

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