Pour Your Heart Out: A Glass of Wedding Tears
If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.
But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.
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Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)
Plenty of people cry at weddings.
And so, I didn't look crazy when I started to cry at my baby brother's wedding this past weekend.
But, I wasn't crying tears of joy at the happiness of the new couple...though I was happy for them.
I wasn't crying sweet tears in memory of my own wedding day...though that was a wonderful day.
They certainly weren't tears of sadness, thinking that the couple shouldn't be getting married...because they are an adorable couple and so in love.
I wasn't even crying because I wasn't in the wedding. I actually did get over that. Yes, my dress was so much better than the bridesmaids' dresses. Though, my heart did sink at the rehearsal when I discovered that my stepsister was doing a reading in the wedding. But, that is not why I was crying. I was totally the bigger person. Yes, I want a cookie or something for that.
So, why was I crying?
Because as I looked at my brother and his bride saying their vows, it hit me.
They are starting a new life together. If her father gets his wish, they will start having babies soon.
And I won't be there for any of it.
Oh, we can talk on the phone and email and facebook. But, I'm not really there. I'm the one who will swoop in once a year for a visit.
But, that means I'm not there for the day-to-day. To be there as a part of the family. For the spur-of-the-moment get-togethers, being able to just drop in on each other, babysitting each other's kids, holidays, birthdays.
I looked at my niece, so cute in her flowergirl dress...how much she'd changed since I'd last seen her almost a year ago. And my other sil, pregnant and due with a boy in January.
I'm missing so much.
When I go to visit, I'll have to be introduced every time, "This is your Aunt Michelle, who lives in North Carolina. Do you remember her?" and have that question be met with blank stares and pulling-back.
I want to be a part of the family.
As insane as my mother makes me...OMG, if I started blogging about the crazy stuff she pulled in the few days I was there, I might not ever be able to stop....but that aside, I miss my brothers and their wives and their children. And my stepsister and her family. There are six cousins- I have the oldest and the youngest- so they are all so close in age(until the baby is born, of course) and I wish my boys could grow up close to their cousins.
But, a move back there is not in our future. At least, not in our foreseeable future.
And so, I cried during the wedding for all the moments that I will miss.
Labels: crazy family, pour your heart out
posted by Shell at
12:02 AM
66 Comments:
Oh I am right there with you Shell. My nieces and nephews are all over the country. It hurts to be without them every day.
I can so relate. My sister hasn't seen X since he was a month old (she's married, no kids, but lives outside philly and coming out here does not trump her twice-yearly trips to St. Barths. Hubs' brother lives in Florida w/ his two kids that are about the same age as our eldest 2. We see his bro once a year. Have met cousins once, almost 2 years ago.
Install Skype. At least you can video chat!
My brother married three years ago and I feel that I am missing so much! Thankfully they haven't started having babies but when/if they do I don't know how I will handle it. He is my only true shot at being Auntie M! ;-)
Oh, sweet Shell ~ that is such a hard thing. When my family was semi still somewhat "family" I had feelings like that with my brother & sister's kids. BUT now we're all one big fat not talking to each other mess.
But I want that too...I want the closeness of family.
sweet love, I'm SO with you. I'm way too far from all of my family. The crazy and the cuddly - I miss it all.
Big fat hug and "wine glass clink" to you, ladycakes.
I know that feeling all to well.
The only difference, at that time, I lived in the same state and only 30 minutes away. My niece, who is 9 months older than Kaylee, doesn't know who I am and never spent any real time with me. I blame my brother for not putting his foot down and demanding that HIS family get to spend time around her. His wife has pretty much cut him off from us. They do everything with HER family...
I miss my family, but like you, I don't see us moving back east anytime soon...
Hugs to you sweetie! Keep that chin up! If I know you, you will find a way to be in those babies lives one way or another!
Wow, I can see where you are coming from. I couldn't imagine not living near my siblings. I'm sorry that you aren't able to be there.
I feel your pain. My sister is pregnant with their 3rd and it takes an act of Congress to authorize a visit from us to them! And there is talk that they might not come for Thanksgiving this year, and I can't tell you how much that hurts! It has taken effort, but we've managed to establish some bonds between all our girls (she has 2 also, plus #3 is a girl!), but what I wouldn't give for them to be in the same state!
Being away is hard. What about a weekly web cam date? Or you can make a dvd of you reading bed time stories to your little neices and nephews. I dont know, just a couple ideas.
Hmm, I can see that you are deeply hurt. I am an only child so the only nieces and nephews I get to have are those of my husband (good but NOT the same). We have always lived close to family and I daydream about being so far away that we only get to come in once a year. Hmmm, I guess I better be careful what I ask for! I had not considere the things you mentioned.
I, too, live far away, 600 miles, from most of my family. My sister is here, but when my kids were little, she was here and I was there. We were still able to make her important. The kids knew who "Auntie" was and we always made a big deal out of her visits. It counted and now that we do live near by, they are very close. We do the same now for my BFF and her husband and son... they may only see each other once or twice, but my kids love them because we all make it special. I DO understand your sadness, but I hope for you that it turns out differently!
It's sad that the majority of people live so far from family members, Shell..There are nieces and nephews in my family that I've not yet met once..
((hugs))
I can not imagine not living near my family. I am sure they will always know thier Aunt Shell - you will be the cool one who lives by the beach!
My post today is about you leaving too - but totally selfish LOL
I had a hard time with moving away from my sister for this reason. We don't get along, but I helped raise her oldest for his first three years. Now that he is 21, he barely acknowledge I'm alive even though we have been living near them for almost 6 years again.
That stinks. I'm sad for you too. Sometimes I think I take having family close for granted. Most days they drive me crazy, but how would I feel if they were far? For a month or two (or THREE OF FOUR) I would love it, but I would be sad sometimes too. Just know for whatever reason God has plans for you in NC.
It is really hard being away from family.
I can so relate to being sad that you miss out on the ordinary day to day things with family.
I can relate so much. Not in a sister or brother sense but in the sense of my cousins who live in Florida. We used to live next to each other for fifteen years. Most of that is not in my story as it'd not that important.
So when you or Steph talk family and not being geographically close I get it. Then there's my sister who I am no longer that close to but that's a different story.
But its also a two way street. I host my oldest cousin about once a year and the odd year We go to Florida to see them. Was going to go this Xmas but not now because of the pregnancy.
Does your family aside from your mom visit?
Im a crier at weddings to =)
My family is the same way, even though we are only spread out a few hours across Missouri. My youngest niece is about to turn 2 and there had been a few months where we hadn't seen her then the next time I saw her, she was talking up a storm. Its life, I supposed but that doesn't make it any easier.
Oh, I'm so sorry! My family is all relatively close, so it's a bit different for me. If it makes you feel better, I think my nieces and nephews need a reminder of who I am ... even though we see each other every month or so! And, don't forget, with kids, you can BUY their love! lol ... I have a feeling you'll be the favorite aunt when you swoop in every year!
All of my cousins and their kids live out of state. I hate that we aren't closer and can visit more (with most of them anyway!).
Oh Shell, this post made me cry! I am missing it all too. My family is in Texas, and I'm in Alabama with my husband and 3 children. My family is missing seeing my girls grow up, and I'm going to miss seeing my brother and his wife have babies and watching them grow up. In fact, I even had to miss their wedding because my girls were sick and couldn't travel. It's a hard life. :(
[Come visit my brand-new blog when you get a chance: iamthat-shawna.blogspot.com
awwwww (hugs) shell!
We have family all over and it really makes it hard when you feel like you are missing out. Today we have a showing on our house, my girls love living in this house, their best friends live in our neighborhood. But we have another house that we cannot sell, and now we will have to move back there ... and it will break my heart to tell them ... hoping we rent the other one today, fingers crossed xxx
Have bling to be given away today, that should bring a smile to your face :)
http://bywordofmouthmusingsandmemoirs.blogspot.com/2010/10/blog-post_06.html
It's hard to move away from family...I missed 5 years of my niece and nephew's lives when I moved from NY to NC...now I live right next door them and drive them nuts...
Awwww Shell! :( I'm sorry :( *HUGS*
I live this.
I miss my nephew (who is 7) and my niece (who is 4) so much. My nephew was 4 1/2 when we moved and we were close, as were he and my son. My niece doesn't remember us. So, I too get that, "Oh this is Auntie Steph"
I miss my brothers and my sister in law and my mother and my friends and just hanging out or holidays etc etc etc.
We have future plans to move back...only our children won't be kids any longer when we do. And my heart is sad for that.
Love you. I'm sorry you know what this feels like. ♥
p.s. between you and Angie this morning...I'm a wreck!! ha
Yeah, I know...my whole family is in san antonio, we skype, but it's not the same. People think it is, but it's not.
I want them here...
It is hard being away from family, my in laws live in NY and we skype, that we we can at least "see" them and they can see the kids.
I totally understand. It's so hard being away from family that way. When I lived in California and my dad and brothers were all here, I used to cry all the time because I knew they were growing up so fast and I was missing it. It's so hard.
This is my first time here, but I loved your meme idea! Just linked up and I'll be back :)
When we were away for law school, I felt this exact same way. It was so hard being away for the daily things, missing out on them all growing up. It is nice to be back now in many ways. I so understand how you feel. xoxo
This is one of the reasons I moved back home after 6 years on the east coast following 2 years in Southern California. I hated using all my vacation just to see the family and friends I wanted to see everyday. In moving back I'm now missing out on all my college and city friends lives, barely being able to afford to make it to all their weddings. Six of One I guess.
Are you near your husbands family at all?
I absolutely could have written this myself. I'm stuck out in Ohio while the rest of my family is in the NYC metro area. I grew up there, with my entire large and loud Italian family within blocks. We were always together. My aunts and uncles are a huge part of my life. And Charlie won't have that. It breaks my heart.
We've done well with Skype - he talks to his Aunt Katie every Sunday night, and as many others as possible at random times of the month. It's very hard for me not to be there for all of the things you mentioned - the birthday parties, the big Sunday dinners, etc.
I still hope that one day we'll make it back, but I don't see it happening any time soon.
My sister sends him a care package every 3-4 months with a few small gifts, a letter, and pictures. I think I almost enjoy them more than Charlie does! You'll find a way to be an involved Auntie, I know you will.
I can see why you cried! I forget some days how blessed I am to live near most of my family. It's hard! Thanks so much for sharing!
I can't imagine living away from my family...we all live within 5 minutes of each other and I go into withdrawals if I don't see my niece and nephew for a few days! But, I know you are where you need to be right now. Who knows? Maybe they will move closer to you!
Oh I soooo know how you feel. I'm sorry you're missing them. Hang in there, I'm crying now too!!
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com
I'm sorry there was sadness during your brother's wedding. I cried during my brother's wedding, but they were tears of joy because he had almost died of a brain tumor a couple years before. I was so happy to see him alive and getting married.
Thanks for stopping by my blog with your encouraging words!
OK...So, now I am crying!!!! I just moved away from all my family 6mnths ago and we are more than 10hrs apart..so we will not be able to do any of that stuff either and the kids won't know me or know my kids. Great...now i am BAWLING and can't see what I am typing.
In a nut shell, I feel ya!!!!!!
Love the concept for this post, by the way. Going to go get some tissues. Take Care!! sniff..sniff
http://clarkmom3athome.blogspot.com
HI sweets...
I got weepy reading this because I am going to visit my baby brother and my adorable little SIL this weeknend in MD, which is a 3 hr drive for us...
and I hate that he is so far away...and I am so far away. My kids know him..they ae his and my sister's only blood nephews..and they were hard earned, (the 4 yrs of IF, the IVF, the bedrest etc) but he also didn't see the boys until they were about2 weeks old...so I know how you feel.
I hope that when my SIL gets Pregnant, that our boys will be a little older and trips can be made...a lot fo them, I want to be with my SIL...be there when she has my neice or nephew..but I also kow that once it happens, our trips will be 3 times a year and hopefully them coming to us too...for holidays etc..but it won't be "around the corner" and now you've made me cry too..for the loss of that...
I'm just hoping that when the time comes it's a little easier than we imagine.
HUGS my friend
xo
Oh dear! I hear you! My husband is in the Coast Guard, so it means we don't get to live near family. The truth is, chances are we won't ever live near family again. Sometimes I feel that it's good to have the separation from them, that way we can have our own lives, BUT sometimes I think about all the stuff I'm missing. My youngest siblings are 13 and 3, and I'm missing it. We've got Facebook, but nothing makes up for a good, old-fashioned hug sometimes!
On the plus side, as your nieces and nephews get older, you'll be able to keep cultivate year-long relationships with them online. Not to mention you'll have the chance to be the super fun, mysterious aunt, the one they look forward to seeing every year because she's always so fun to hang out with.
I know it doesn't make up for having to be away all the time, but it's something. :)
Oh, Shell. That would be so hard. My sisters & brothers, and Jason's sister all live within a half hour of us. I couldn't imagine not being able to see them whenever I want. I love some of the comments above and the great advice.
i only live 40 minutes away from my family and rarely ever see them and feel much the same way you do.
sads
It is so very hard being far away from family and old friends once you have a family of your own and your siblings do too. My two oldest nephews now have facebook accounts and can email and skype so we are starting to connect more frequently with them. As the children get older it will be easier too to invite them for part of the long summer vacation and vice versa, but no, it will not compensate for being part of the day to day and there for the big moments in their lives.
Oh girl, I imagine I am going to feel the same way when my sister has kids. I hate being away from her now, and we talk daily! Most of the other family, I don't mind not living near, but my sister I do miss. I'm sorry! (hugs)
Hugs to you Shell. Our whole family is spread out too and it sucks. My sister lives close to me (thank god) and my parents just came back due to health reasons but my brother is all the way across the country and so is my husbands entire family. My kids have 5 cousins that they will only see once a year. And it sucks. I want them to be close. I so know how you feel. {{HUGS}}
OMG I totally agree!!! I feel so much of what you feel and I'm not even gone yet. I'm worrying about applying for jobs elsewhere because I don't want to miss out on sharing the 'wedding planning' 'getting prego' 'being prego' 'having baby' 'raising baby' steps that are next on my/our horizons and not sharing it with my parents and family.
at what point do you chose your own family over them and is that fair? Will i regret it!? UGH!
I'mso sorry that is so hard. I am so lucky to be near all my family. I don't know what I would do without them.
I know how you feel. I went through the same with two of my nephews. They will know who you are though as time goes on and thanks to technology today its easier to "see" each other!
My heart so goes out to you... I was sooo close to my cousins growing up... and the mere thought of not being close to my own sister (who lives up the road) pains me.... thank goodness for facebook and skype.. hugs to you..
Hugs!!! Hearing this makes me sad that my husband's family lives less than an hour away and they don't see my kids.
Even though you're not planning to move, hopefully you can find a way to visit more often:)
I know that's rotten! Maybe if I moved away from my siblings-in-laws then I would miss them too.
No wait, if I think of it as my sister's kids instead of my husband's siblings having kids... then yes, oh yes, I will be sad to miss out on all the regular daily stuff. (Thankfully she hasn't had kids yet though).
I can understand how that would be tough. My sister lives about 3 hours away and I will be sad when she starts having kids because I won't be there. The distance makes it hard to stay connected.
I would have cried too.
I know how you feel and my brother's both live in the same state with me. We don't see each other enough and I've watched my niece and nephew (my older brother) grow up through photos.
But you have to choose your battles, is it worth living near your mom and dealing with her? Ack! I live near my parents and even work with them two days a week and it's enough for me. :)
OMGosh! Are you living my life woman?
My mom is getting married in Nov.
(I will actually be in the wedding-socking, right!?!) and I will be having the same tears for all the cousins whose children I will be re-introduced to and all the things I miss. I hate living on the other side of the country from them. A move doesn't seem to be happening for me right now either. That is sad.
....and you totally get a cookie!
I definately would have cried.
My family members are spread all over the place so we don't get to see each other a lot.
I'm stopping by from Surrender, congratulations on the award! I'm following, and can't wait to read more! ;)
Jennifer @ http://justpeachyindixie.blogspot.com
Not gonna lie...I came over here today expecting to see post-its because I thought it was Tuesday, and then when I saw this post I realized it is freakin' THURSDAY!! And I haven't stopped by yet this week? WTF?? Crap...what day is this again?
Seriously though, I know how you feel, other than the fact that I don't have siblings. It is so hard to live away from family. I used to be close to my cousins, but now I barely see them and haven't even met their kids and they haven't met mine because we are all so scattered!
I am right there w ya. Well...kinda. I only have one brother but we are extremely close and cant imagine what life would be like if I didnt see him @ least once a week. My husbands brother moved his family to GA (we live in MD) and I see the sadness in my hubby's eyes as they talk about his niece. I know it kills him that she doesnt know him
Im so sorry...that would make me cry too!
My heart goes out to you, Shell. That has to be tough. On the bright side, you will also be the cool aunt that the kids get to go visit during the summer! :)
That is so hard to think about! I'm very blessed to live close to family and I completely feel for you.
Glad the wedding went well. We're all expecting my little sister to be getting engaged soon to her boyfriend of 7 years. Can't wait!
Aww! It's so hard when family is scattered all over the place. I'm trying to plan one week at the beach next year and invite all sorts of extended family and friends. I hate that we only see my husband's brothers maybe once a year....and the years go by so quickly!
Glad the wedding went well.
I Don't have a lot of family. Being a single child and a mother of two my work has taken me far away from my parents. The last time we saw my parents we all went on holiday to water world in Florida. My parents went on a swim toddler course and were keen to teach my children. Wish i could live closer to them though.
Glad the wedding was a success :)
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