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Friday, September 17, 2010

BFF: The List of S%#* They Should Have Warned You About

You know how some friendships take a while to develop? You get to know each other over time and slowly develop a connection. And then there are people that you meet and you instantly have a connection with, wonder where the heck they have been before that, and you feel like you've known each other forever? Well, that instant connection is what happened for me and today's BFF.

She found me through SITS back when it was my day to be featured and I think it took us a whole day to decide we totally needed to bring the BFF necklaces back into style. She's another anonymous blogger and fellow mom of boys. Love her sarcastic sense of humor, though she has her sentimental side sometimes, too. (You know you do, MommaKiss- don't hate me for outting you there- at least I didn't tell everyone your name. That secret I'll keep.)

Meet MommaKiss!

Well hello there! I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am to be Shell’s BFF today. I’m like a kid on Christmas. Or really Halloween, that’s my favorite holiday. I mean, the modern day Halloween – with candy and fun costumes – not the historical bloody scary one. Ok ok, my point – I’m excited.

If you don’t know me, I go by MommaKiss (or MK) in the online world. Sort of like Shell, I prefer to keep some things anonymous so I try not to use names of my kids, exact locations, etc. You know, to protect the innocent and all. I started blogging in March of 2008. Can you believe it? I sure can’t. Things have changed since then. I have less time to tell stories, but when I do, look out – I let it flow. I’m sort of sarcastic [snort. “sort of.”] I’m almost 36 years old and have 2 kids. 2 boys. Love me some momma’s boys! I’m married and I work out of the home, doing accounting or whatever I’m told to do. I’m conflicted with the whole mom-guilt thing. A lot. But we make it work and my kids are healthy and happy (and a lil crazy, just like me).

I was trying to decide what kind of post to write today and figured that lists are like “my thing.” I make lists of lists. Some of my favorite blogs are in the list form.

So here we go – The MommaKiss List of Shit they Should have Warned you About before You became A parent:

1 - Poop and all things associated with dropping a deuce? Becomes a major topic of conversation. And? Can actually be really funny. Not to mention, if your kids are boys like mine, it will provide countless hours of entertainment. For the kids and parents alike. Before I was parent, I just thought of it as a necessary bodily function. After? I was pooped on when they were infants, fretted about the ‘kind’ of poop they were having, cheered for them pooping on the potty, laughing when they left a floater in the tub. Yah. Turds become part of the daily routine.

2 – You gotta be flexible. You are dead set on breast feeding? Good luck with that if your nipples are inverted and being ripped to shreds every time the monster latches on. You are dead set on never EVER co-sleeping? Remember that at 2am when no one has slept and your little sick cherub is conked out next to you. In your bed. You want the 2 year old to eat his veggies and said you’d NEVER bribe a kid to eat? Yah. When the carrots are followed by some gummy bears? It just happens.

3 – You may not always *like* your child. You will always always love them. But Like? Not necessarily when no one has slept in 3 days, you haven’t showered in a week, he’s on his 3rd tantrum of the day, he chucked his spaghetti on the floor, stepped on your healing c-section belly while you’re nursing the newborn to get to his McQueen car…you get my drift. (This is one I actually share with first time parents…that it’s OK to feel like this. Accept it, move on.)

4 – Speaking of that “no shower for a week” thing…personal hygiene is a commodity, take advantage when you can. You may need to learn the art of the PTA bath [Pu**y, Tits and Armpits – thank you mom.] You may have to shave one leg one week, one the other. And going to the bathroom? By yourself? Totally a luxury in my home. My 3 year old has a thing for skin contact. Whenever I’m, um, exposed, he likes to hug me and rub my skin. Even if I’m sitting down on the potty. And it’s stinky. *note to self, fix the bathroom door locks

5 – You may have to have The Talk with your child at the age of 3. I got the questions: “where’s your penis, momma?” and “why do you sit to pee, momma” and “I wanna hug your bumps, momma!” Yah – well. Listen, kid. I don’t have a penis. “What’s yours called, Momma?” NOT a penis. “Does your penis get big like this?” Again – it’s not a penis, and take your hands out of your pants! “Why did I be borned with a penis and came out of your belly {c-section} but Emily was borned with a gynnie and came out of her momma’s gynnie?” *headslap

6 – Laundry. It multiplies like gremlins under a sprinkler. And those cute little baby outfits that you HAD to have 17 different sets of? Pain in the ass to fold. Toddler underwear? Socks? Equally as painful. I’m considering a basket system: clean and dirty. Screw dressers.

7 – You will be a changed person. Having a kid, like a human, that you made, will alter you in ways you never imagined. I can’t believe the protectiveness I feel. The unconditional love for them. The unconditional love they give me. The pride inside me when I am complimented on their behavior. The rage that comes when they’re not behaving. The warmth I can’t help but feel when they tell me they love me best.

Yep, I’m changed. For the better. Someone should have warned me about that shit.

Doesn't she make you laugh? And nod your head in agreement? Leave MommaKiss some comment love here and then go follow her blog if you don't already!

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Blogger Liz said...

Oh, I love MommaKiss! I JUST found her, actually, and we share 1 big thing in common...we both rock the pig tails!

September 17, 2010 at 7:45 AM  
Blogger Books said...

I've had the "Mommy do you pee out your butt?" conversation. Fun times!

September 17, 2010 at 7:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, how true - they should make you read that list before you procreate... lets say around 23 yrs old?

LOL@ book lady... we've had that conversation too - and one brother telling the other that he is going to get dresses and be a girl... he will have to get rid of his pee pee and get hair instead.... sigh...

September 17, 2010 at 8:15 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

That was a great list. I'm laughing so hard.

September 17, 2010 at 8:38 AM  
Blogger LisaDay said...

Great post. I like the laundry system. I think she has something there.


September 17, 2010 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

I love this! I've had to deal with the "Mommy, how do you pee?" questions, too.

September 17, 2010 at 8:48 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

Hilarious! Glad you two found each other!!

September 17, 2010 at 9:06 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Ooo, you know the best bloggers.

I think I just met a new love.

September 17, 2010 at 9:07 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Great post. I think we should all get together and write a book about the things 'they' don't warn you about ...

September 17, 2010 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger MommyLovesStilettos said...

LOL! I love this list! :)

September 17, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger cfoxes33 said...

So maybe you should write a book on this subject. That was really good and amusing. The poopy and gassy subjects are favorites at our house.

September 17, 2010 at 9:50 AM  
Blogger Poppy said...

I am so stealing the PTA bath, your mom is as cool as you are. However, when I was breastfeeding i skipped the tits, I figured they were self cleaning.

September 17, 2010 at 10:05 AM  
Blogger Corinne said...

LOL! Farts and poops are hilarious in our house. Even my 20 month old sticks his bum out and laughs when he farts... Great post.

September 17, 2010 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger KristinFilut said...

Those are so funny! And she puts it so well!! Imma go check her out!

September 17, 2010 at 10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL. She's great. That list is absolutely true. Off to check out her blog.

September 17, 2010 at 10:58 AM  
Blogger mdforkids said...

Oh, she totally made me laugh AND nod in agreement! I'm going to go check her out, thanks!

September 17, 2010 at 11:39 AM  
Blogger Cristy said...

HAHA! I love this post!! HILARIOUS! Especially the part where she's saying explaining penises...good stuff.

September 17, 2010 at 11:54 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

Shell - I'm really really stoked about being the BFF this week. Like over the top! And yah, fine I DO have a sappy side. But that was supposed to be our little secret. Happy Friday. And thank you again!

September 17, 2010 at 11:59 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

And? I'm so coming to stalk, Er, visit all of your blogs.

September 17, 2010 at 12:00 PM  
Blogger Stasha said...

I am ROFL at her list... I've gotta go check her out!

September 17, 2010 at 12:10 PM  
Blogger Joey Lynn Resciniti said...

We slap our foreheads a good bit around here too. Thank goodness no one ever asks me where my penis is.

September 17, 2010 at 12:28 PM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

Me love you long time Momma, and thanks for introducing me to Shell.

Shell, thanks for showing off my gal pal. I'm so proud of her!

September 17, 2010 at 12:31 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh my goodness I died laughing! I have 2 boys as well and can totally relate!

I've had the youngest try and help "fluff" the girls for me *facepalm* Those are mommy's "but they are soft" *keeps pushing on them* yes but we don't do that to girls "why?" Ugh lol

September 17, 2010 at 12:34 PM  
Blogger Angelia said...

So true! And crazy funny! I'm a new fan :)

September 17, 2010 at 12:35 PM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

Loved 4 and 7, they sounded like they could have come out of my head. I forget some days if I've showered, in fact this morning I realized that while I did shower last night I evidentally forgot to wash my hair. I usually shave in parts too! This is the first time I've seen someone else admit it. There was a month period where all I could do was ankle to knee and I would have skipped that but I wanted to wear capris and dresses!

September 17, 2010 at 12:39 PM  
Blogger Kir said...

oh that was the BEST.POST.EVEAAHHH.

both of you just crack me up.
I was nodding the whole time..like a bad blonde bobblehead doll.

thanks for this, real look at parenting. :)

September 17, 2010 at 12:42 PM  
Blogger RJ said...

So funny! We talk about poop at the dinner table and we can throw the word poop into any joke or story and get immediate laughs.

PTA bath--I may never view washcloths the same! Ha!

September 17, 2010 at 1:00 PM  
Blogger shortmama said...

Oh boy how motherhood changes ya!

September 17, 2010 at 1:16 PM  
Blogger Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

She did make me laugh! thanks for a cool feature!

September 17, 2010 at 1:28 PM  
Blogger confused homemaker said...

ZOMG!! I'm dying. I love the list, very funny & hits way too close to home. :)

September 17, 2010 at 1:36 PM  
Blogger Jenni Chiu @MommyNaniBooboo said...

Um...yes and yes to the list!
I truly never knew how far to the wayside personal hygiene would be pushed.

September 17, 2010 at 1:47 PM  
Blogger Ian said...

Read like 10 of her posts. Holy crap she's hilarious. Never heard of her before either. Great choice!

September 17, 2010 at 1:49 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

We all know I LOVE MommaKiss!! And my poop post couldn't have come at a better time!

Congrats on the feature my friend!

September 17, 2010 at 1:59 PM  
Blogger tulpen said...

When I become Ruler Of The Universe I will remedy the design flaw that is POOP. While I'm at it, gonna do away with foreskins and pubic hair.

September 17, 2010 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I will never again attend a PTA meeting without thinking of you.

September 17, 2010 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

Thanks for all the kind comments kids!! I promise to visit soon!!

September 17, 2010 at 2:18 PM  
Blogger Michelle @Flying Giggles said...

Love it...going to stop by MK's blog now. It is wonderful meeting someone you instantly connect with!

September 17, 2010 at 2:47 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I have loved the great blogs I now subscribe to through your BFF posts Shell! I am following her blog now, I love an amusing blogger :)

September 17, 2010 at 2:52 PM  
Blogger Heather (One Take On Life) said...

Yes definitely shaking my head. Number 5 - I can't tell you how many times i have had to answer the question, where's your penis? And don't get me started about the detail I had to go into as to how babies are born with my then almost 4 year old son. He wasn't happy with the "you go to the hospital and the dr deliver's the baby."

September 17, 2010 at 2:59 PM  
Blogger Alexandra said...

Mommakiss, mommakiss: she had me at her pigtails.

But it's her meaningful and honest content that keeps me coming back.

She blogs it all: with truth, humbleness, and a heart for her kids.

What's not to love AND those piggytails..oh, I just adore her.

September 17, 2010 at 3:05 PM  
Blogger Darlene said...

ahhhh, those were the days! The sad thing is, they never out grow the poop and fart talk. The PTA bath was hilarious. Loved it!

September 17, 2010 at 3:46 PM  
Blogger Imaginative Me said...

LOL! Yes, MommaKiss, you should totally write a book on Warnings of Parenthood! There are many things I would have loved to have known BEFORE hand! :)

September 17, 2010 at 4:10 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh I love it!!!! That is totally me!

September 17, 2010 at 5:05 PM  
Blogger AiringMyLaundry said...

This list is wonderful. And the one about not liking your kid all the time? So true.

September 17, 2010 at 6:18 PM  
Blogger Leigh said...

Love ya MK!

September 17, 2010 at 7:20 PM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

Good Golly Miss Molly she is a funny one!

The PTA thing? Oh. Em. Gee! I peed myself a little and that's um...not funny. Cause they damn sure should've told me that after having three children that my bladder would never again work right!

September 17, 2010 at 7:24 PM  
Blogger Vodka Logic said...

Funny and sooo wise. xx

September 17, 2010 at 8:29 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

goodness, girl you always feature amazing bloggers

September 17, 2010 at 9:50 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Great list! And unfortunately all that is only in the first 5 years. The next fifteen get even BETTER- yeah right!!!!

September 17, 2010 at 10:20 PM  
Blogger Lourie said...

I have seen her {commenting} here and there. She is funny. I am going to visit her now.

September 17, 2010 at 11:54 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Poop is pretty hilarious. And personal hygiene is give or take in our house.

September 18, 2010 at 3:03 AM  
Blogger Ma What's 4 dinner said...

She's awesome. Love her, going to her place right now to devour everything she's written.

Thanks Shell.

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner

September 18, 2010 at 8:48 AM  
Blogger Bethany said...

You have been tagged to participate in an 8 questions meme please go to:


to play=)

September 18, 2010 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger Debbie said...

Too funny! She is new to me but I already love her!

September 18, 2010 at 7:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i ♥ mamakiss!!!!

September 18, 2010 at 8:26 PM  
Blogger Oka said...

why don't your closest relatives share these things? If they do, why don't non-married/non-parent peoples listen???

September 18, 2010 at 8:50 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Bwhahaha I can see why you love her. Fabulous fabulous post. Love it!

September 18, 2010 at 10:41 PM  
Blogger MrsBlogAlot said...

LOL!!! PTA...Just one more reason to LOVE MommaKiss..(-:

September 19, 2010 at 9:44 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

OMG! I'm cracking up!! I loved the PTA bath. I get a lot of those! TMI? and the whole where's your penis thing...HILARIOUS! I'm a mom of boys and why I don't have a penis is always a headscratcher around here! GREAT POST!!

September 19, 2010 at 10:37 AM  
Blogger Helena said...

Thanks for the warning MK!

September 19, 2010 at 11:44 PM  
Blogger Momma Ski said...

fabulous as always. love ya.

September 21, 2010 at 1:01 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

The basket system for laundry is totally the way to go!

September 22, 2010 at 9:10 AM  

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