BFF: The List of S%#* They Should Have Warned You About

You know how some friendships take a while to develop? You get to know each other over time and slowly develop a connection. And then there are people that you meet and you instantly have a connection with, wonder where the heck they have been before that, and you feel like you've known each other forever? Well, that instant connection is what happened for me and today's BFF.

She found me through SITS back when it was my day to be featured and I think it took us a whole day to decide we totally needed to bring the BFF necklaces back into style. She's another anonymous blogger and fellow mom of boys. Love her sarcastic sense of humor, though she has her sentimental side sometimes, too. (You know you do, MommaKiss- don't hate me for outting you there- at least I didn't tell everyone your name. That secret I'll keep.)

Meet MommaKiss!

Well hello there! I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am to be Shell’s BFF today. I’m like a kid on Christmas. Or really Halloween, that’s my favorite holiday. I mean, the modern day Halloween – with candy and fun costumes – not the historical bloody scary one. Ok ok, my point – I’m excited.

If you don’t know me, I go by MommaKiss (or MK) in the online world. Sort of like Shell, I prefer to keep some things anonymous so I try not to use names of my kids, exact locations, etc. You know, to protect the innocent and all. I started blogging in March of 2008. Can you believe it? I sure can’t. Things have changed since then. I have less time to tell stories, but when I do, look out – I let it flow. I’m sort of sarcastic [snort. “sort of.”] I’m almost 36 years old and have 2 kids. 2 boys. Love me some momma’s boys! I’m married and I work out of the home, doing accounting or whatever I’m told to do. I’m conflicted with the whole mom-guilt thing. A lot. But we make it work and my kids are healthy and happy (and a lil crazy, just like me).

I was trying to decide what kind of post to write today and figured that lists are like “my thing.” I make lists of lists. Some of my favorite blogs are in the list form.

So here we go – The MommaKiss List of Shit they Should have Warned you About before You became A parent:

1 - Poop and all things associated with dropping a deuce? Becomes a major topic of conversation. And? Can actually be really funny. Not to mention, if your kids are boys like mine, it will provide countless hours of entertainment. For the kids and parents alike. Before I was parent, I just thought of it as a necessary bodily function. After? I was pooped on when they were infants, fretted about the ‘kind’ of poop they were having, cheered for them pooping on the potty, laughing when they left a floater in the tub. Yah. Turds become part of the daily routine.

2 – You gotta be flexible. You are dead set on breast feeding? Good luck with that if your nipples are inverted and being ripped to shreds every time the monster latches on. You are dead set on never EVER co-sleeping? Remember that at 2am when no one has slept and your little sick cherub is conked out next to you. In your bed. You want the 2 year old to eat his veggies and said you’d NEVER bribe a kid to eat? Yah. When the carrots are followed by some gummy bears? It just happens.

3 – You may not always *like* your child. You will always always love them. But Like? Not necessarily when no one has slept in 3 days, you haven’t showered in a week, he’s on his 3rd tantrum of the day, he chucked his spaghetti on the floor, stepped on your healing c-section belly while you’re nursing the newborn to get to his McQueen car…you get my drift. (This is one I actually share with first time parents…that it’s OK to feel like this. Accept it, move on.)

4 – Speaking of that “no shower for a week” thing…personal hygiene is a commodity, take advantage when you can. You may need to learn the art of the PTA bath [Pu**y, Tits and Armpits – thank you mom.] You may have to shave one leg one week, one the other. And going to the bathroom? By yourself? Totally a luxury in my home. My 3 year old has a thing for skin contact. Whenever I’m, um, exposed, he likes to hug me and rub my skin. Even if I’m sitting down on the potty. And it’s stinky. *note to self, fix the bathroom door locks

5 – You may have to have The Talk with your child at the age of 3. I got the questions: “where’s your penis, momma?” and “why do you sit to pee, momma” and “I wanna hug your bumps, momma!” Yah – well. Listen, kid. I don’t have a penis. “What’s yours called, Momma?” NOT a penis. “Does your penis get big like this?” Again – it’s not a penis, and take your hands out of your pants! “Why did I be borned with a penis and came out of your belly {c-section} but Emily was borned with a gynnie and came out of her momma’s gynnie?” *headslap

6 – Laundry. It multiplies like gremlins under a sprinkler. And those cute little baby outfits that you HAD to have 17 different sets of? Pain in the ass to fold. Toddler underwear? Socks? Equally as painful. I’m considering a basket system: clean and dirty. Screw dressers.

7 – You will be a changed person. Having a kid, like a human, that you made, will alter you in ways you never imagined. I can’t believe the protectiveness I feel. The unconditional love for them. The unconditional love they give me. The pride inside me when I am complimented on their behavior. The rage that comes when they’re not behaving. The warmth I can’t help but feel when they tell me they love me best.

Yep, I’m changed. For the better. Someone should have warned me about that shit.

Doesn't she make you laugh? And nod your head in agreement? Leave MommaKiss some comment love here and then go follow her blog if you don't already!