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Friday, September 10, 2010

BFF: The Grasshoppa Version

I have had the priviledge to meet this week's Blog Friend Feature in person. I met her through blogging and then made plans to meet her irl when we both attended Bloggy Boot Camp in Baltimore back in March. She gave me a fabulous blinky ring to wear and we were sippy cup girls together. She made me laugh with her hilarious observations and tweets. I loved getting to meet her.

But, I already knew that The Grasshoppa was fabulous, just from reading her blog. And you'll get to see this, too. She is mom to triplets...plus two. And she's going back to school. And somehow managing to keep her sanity. I'm incredibly jealous that she is going to Bloggy Boot Camp in Philly this weekend and I can't be there, too. 'Cause I loves me some Grasshoppa. You will, too.

Squeezing The Pulp Out Of Life----Grasshoppa Style.

Today my punk teenager drove me to the nail salon because I am headed to a blog conference this weekend and she said my nails "lacked appeal."

I'd sure like to know who she thinks I think she knows who she thinks I know she thinks she is?

Okay, so I know she knows a lot but she doesn't need to know that I know that she knows a lot. And we need to keep it that way.

Rule #1. Never admit defeat to a teenager.


I repeat.


Unless you are trapped in a cold shower without a clean towel within 8 feet.

Or on the commode without a single square of toilet paper within 5 feet.

Those are the exceptions to the rule.

So, she drives me to the salon all the while giving me all her 4 cents about what color this and that and getting all up in my business like she knows me or something.

I say: Young lady, you are being utterly disrespectful, inconsiderate and unruly towards me. Now go to your room----you're grounded.

Then I admired my nails, freshly painted with a color called "Linkin Park After Dark."

It reflects my inner most dark and mysterious old soul.

Not really. No color could possibly ever reflect such ambiguity.

And then she said: You mean after I drive you home from the salon? Because I have to work today."


So on the way home, Aaron texts me a photo of baby dumplin'.

She's a whole other story that will have to wait for an entirely different blog post.

She had colored all over her beautiful baby forehead with an ink pen.

I showed the picture to Kayla and she said sarcastically---in such a manner that only a teenager can master: "You are such a good role model."

Which was totally uncalled for but I suppose was in reference to this here event that happened a few days ago----


I got myself so worked up and giddy with excitement that the triplets were going back to school after a long weekend that I temporarily tattooed my forehead with the words: "I <insert heart> school."

And then I sang a song and put it on my blog. It turned out to be an awful remake of "The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow".

All because I can't sing---- but I do.

I did.

Because I have a new motto:

I'm squeezing the pulp out of life---one fruitful day at a time.

To which my teenager promptly rolled her eyes, shook her head in such a manner as only a teenager can do and said point blank, right to my face, that I "was whacked."


So while I was being chauffeured home from the salon today by the punk teenager, with those last words about me being "such a good role model" ringing in my ears, I turned to her and said: "Well, I am a good role model."

Overall, I think I am leaving a pretty nice legacy for my brood of triplets plus 2.

I turned to her and said:

"Listen here young lady, someday I will be loooooonnnnnng gone, and you and your 4 siblings will be sitting around the bonfire recalling all the ways my wacky behavior and shenanigans provided a foundation for strong moral character and selfless living for you and your family."

Okay, so maybe not all that.

Or any of that, really.

I mean...there will be some character building...that is for certain.

For what purpose, is anyone's best guess.

But I know for sure they will be sitting around the campfire, singing all the folk songs I taught them and saying things like:

Remember that time momma was getting her toenails painted and she was trying to sing show tunes, but the massage chair was vibrating so much that it sounded like she was gargling water----under water?

Remember that time momma wrote all over her forehead with brown eyeliner and recorded herself singing on that blog thingy? (See above photo.)

And remember that time momma dressed up like a witch, and dad gave her a Halloween hickey with fake Billy Bob teeth?


And remember that time momma made dad wear a light up Rudolph nose driving down the road on their way to do Christmas shopping?


Sorry about the shabby pic. The cell phone had some issues.

And remember that time momma wore those leopard hooker shoes to Bloggy Boot Camp and every other blogger talked about her behind her back for 12 1/2 years?


And remember that one time when momma made dad wear a muscle apron for 9 hours straight and made us all call him Papa Fabio?


And remember that time that momma and dad made us all dress in matching striped pj's and Santa hats, then stood on their heads and burped the alphabet to make us laugh and giggle?


I guess the plain truth is that we are very serious about the business of sillyness in our home because frankly, life is just too short to grow up and stop laughing, smiling and enjoying the beach sand stuck inside your bathing suit and the peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth.

If there is one memorable legacy I want to leave behind for my children, it would be to embrace their life so fully and for them to squeeze the pulp out of life---one fruitful day at a time---Grasshoppa and Papa style.

~The Grasshoppa

Now, please leave some comment love here for her and then go follow The Grasshoppa!

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Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

I need to be more serious about silliness! I'll work on it!

And had I been at Bloggy Boot Camp, I would have walked next to you in my Red, Patent Leather, Peep-Toe Candies... we could have been Shoe Sluts together!

September 10, 2010 at 7:25 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

Teens will be teens, but they become adults and with a little more age they start to appreciate those days gone by. You are making memories that will stick out so much more.

September 10, 2010 at 7:26 AM  
Blogger Theodora Ofosuhima said...

What a great feature blogger.

She sounds lot of fun. Off I go to check her blog out.

September 10, 2010 at 7:51 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I love me some Grasshoppa!!! She is a wonderful person and a great friend! I want to be like The Grasshoppa when I grow up! (That sounded a little stalkerish!) She is my daily inspiration to be the best I can be as a mother and friend! Make sure you all tell her how AWESOME she really is, she loves that! ;)

September 10, 2010 at 8:09 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

September 10, 2010 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Ok, let me try this again because it doesn't look very good when I say that I love someone but I can't spell their name wrong.

I don't know what is wrong with me.

But I do think that the Grasshoppa is pretty awesome.

kiss kiss

September 10, 2010 at 8:29 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

Awesome guest post. Love that last picture. So cute.

September 10, 2010 at 8:53 AM  
Blogger Lift Like A Mom said...

She is hysterical!! Going to follow her blog!

September 10, 2010 at 9:18 AM  
Blogger Cristy said...

Great little post! You seem like a fun Mom to me, no matter what that teenager says! just remember, you're doing your job at being a good role model and she's doing a good job at trying her best to not like you. That's what teenagers DO.

September 10, 2010 at 9:22 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh my goodness, I don't think a better introduction post has ever been written!! I have visited her blog in the past and have followed her on twitter, but I definitely need to read more regularly!

September 10, 2010 at 10:05 AM  
Blogger Joy@TPMG said...

What an amazing guest post! I love the pic where she tattooed her forehead! She's a riot.

September 10, 2010 at 11:09 AM  
Blogger Cluttered Brain said...

Grasshoppa is DA BOMB! So cool. And so fresh.
Just like a nice orange or something freshly squeezed.
Yeah, i'm not following any logic today...
BUT I love the grasshoppa that's for sure! :)

nice feature!

September 10, 2010 at 12:24 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I can't wait to get to know the grasshoppa!!! I'm heading over to her blog and am definitely going to be her newest follow!

Great feature, Shell!

September 10, 2010 at 1:03 PM  
Blogger Joey Lynn Resciniti said...

Just when I start to think I'm fun, I meet this lady. I feel like I need to step up my game.

How do you learn to burp the alphabet?

September 10, 2010 at 1:16 PM  
Blogger mypixieblog said...

Thank you so very much for introducing us to yet another great blogger. I am going to run over to her blog and see what she's all about. Also that very last Christmas photo is just the sweetest thing. I love a family that can be silly together :)

September 10, 2010 at 1:54 PM  
Blogger Kir said...

wow, she's amazing...I really need to start reading her..because I was LAughing out Loud..and I love that color "Linkin Park after Dark" ..I was never a dark brown nail polish kind of girl, but it's really fun.

thanks for sharing her!!! those shoes are to die for..have fun in Philly!!!!!

September 10, 2010 at 2:08 PM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

OMG, Grasshoppa. Just saying it makes me feel cool. A) I LOVE that color Linkin Park After Dark. 'tis my go-to in the fall / winter. B) your teenager must get her humor from you C) I think moms have to be "whacked" - otherwise? We'd all be committed. Damn kids. and D) I have those shoes. I love those shoes.I'll be around soon, oh I'll be around fo sho!

September 10, 2010 at 2:39 PM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

Another win!

I love that the hooker heels are kitten heels! Also, those Santa sacks, too frickin' cute! Think of all the wrapping paper savings...

September 10, 2010 at 3:00 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

Glad to see with 5 kids and a busy life you haven't lost the silliness!

Love the color Linkin Park.

Those are so NOT hooker shoes!

September 10, 2010 at 4:11 PM  
Blogger Momma Fargo said...

Great post! Love the silly things in life and living it to the fullest! Bravo!

September 10, 2010 at 7:55 PM  
Blogger Melinda said...

Oh my goodness, Shell, I love her!! Great pick! Boy can I relate to the teenage drama, as you well know. I think they all work from the same manual with the primary goal being to drive their mamas crazy!

Going to visit her! ;0)

September 10, 2010 at 8:52 PM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

just came back to look at her pictures in' real size' instead of crackberry size.
that's all.
carry on.
i'm NOT a stalker!

September 10, 2010 at 11:00 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

This was hysterical! Thanks for sharing, Shell!

September 10, 2010 at 11:44 PM  
Blogger Helene said...

Love this post!!! She and I share the same philosophy in life...which is life is too short to be serious all the time! She sounds like my kind of mama!!!

September 11, 2010 at 1:50 AM  
Blogger The Drama Mama said...

This was great. I'll have to start stopping by her place on a regular basis. Great guest post. I love that she wrote on her forehead.

September 11, 2010 at 3:21 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

That was a thoroughly entertaining read! I loved the pictures :). I'm off to go check out her blog!

September 11, 2010 at 7:45 AM  
Blogger Beth Zimmerman said...

LOVE Daune to pieces! She called me one day just to listen and to encourage me when I was struggling! She is a lady with a BIG heart!

September 11, 2010 at 9:03 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

She's sounds like she's about as crazy as me! Great post! I'm going to check her out right now.

September 12, 2010 at 5:29 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I love that she gave you her "four cents", which of course is better than two ;)

September 15, 2010 at 2:19 PM  
Blogger The Grasshoppa:Triplets Plus Two Momma said...

I am JUST now getting to read these a week later---since I went to bloggy boot camp and then came home and got SICK.

But, OH MY GOSH, Shell, your people are so awesome.

I seriously have tears welling up.

Thank you so much for featuring me and thank you to your readers for leaving such kind comments and for so many that took the time to come over to my blog also and leave a comment! THANK YOU.

September 18, 2010 at 8:05 AM  

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