Pour Your Heart Out
If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.
But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.
Please grab the button for your post and link up!
Please grab the button for your post and link up!
Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.
Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)
Back in college, I had this friend.
College Buddy.
He was my best friend.
I've talked about him a little bit before. He's also known as "my gay boyfriend who isn't gay." Since there is nothing romantic between us. He's been grandfathered in as an acceptable and non-threatening male friend.
We used to talk about everything and anything. We used to go "study" for our Social Problems class that we had together with a super-tough professor...and then joke that we spent more time talking about our own "social problems" than about the actual class.
He shared with me his dream of opening his own business. And I supported him in that, telling him that I knew that he could do it. That he could do anything he put his mind to. He had a lot of doubters, but I was never one of them. And, he did open his own business a few years ago, just like I knew he would.
But, one night, back in college, after listening to him go on about his dream, I felt safe in telling him about mine. What I didn't dare tell anyone before, because it didn't seem practical. And I was nothing if not practical.
And I knew most people would roll their eyes at me. Yeah, Shell, everyone wants to do that.
But, I didn't expect it from him.
"I want to write a book someday," I confessed.
But, his reply was like a slap in the face.
He laughed.
Laughed.
And then said, "Somehow I don't see you writing a Pulitzer prize-winning book."
And he rolled his eyes, shook his head, and went back to talking about the business he wanted to open.
I was crushed. To have my dream dismissed so casually. And he didn't even listen. A Pulitzer? No. Those types of books don't usually even appeal to me as reading material.
But, to have a book on a best-seller list? That was my dream.
I haven't ever done anything about it. It's still just a thought in my head, one that I don't really think about very often.
You all practically bring me to tears with your comments on posts like this one or that one. Because there are a lot of you who believe in me- without my ever having confessed this dream to you- and you have no idea how much that means to me.
I don't know why I hold on to past hurts the way that I do. I'm still friends with College Buddy. And there are so many good memories of our times together.
But, whenever someone mentions me trying to write a book, I can still hear his quick reply in my head and feel a pang.
It's a reminder to me, though, to watch my words. That a comment spoken without much thought could be enough to haunt someone for years.
I hope to never be that person. Never to accidentally and thoughtlessly dismiss something that is so important to someone else.
Labels: dreams, pour your heart out
posted by Shell at
12:07 AM
78 Comments:
I would buy your book. And pay full price on Amazon. And overnight it.
I told my husband I wanted to go back to school and he asked me why I needed a degree to stay home and raise kids.
So yeah, I know exactly how you felt/ feel...
I think it's a good reminder for all of us. To be careful with our words and reactions.
Did you ever tell him how his comment made you feel? I wonder how he'd react now if he knew?
Ohh Shell! You are so right! Whoever said stick and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me--lied or was heavily medicated. Girl I believe that you are going to write that book--just when you least expect it!
I could never see you as being that person.
And you are an amazing blogger, so I couldn't imagine you writing anything that was less than fantastic. And I know I would pick up anything you wrote in a heartbeat.
I know he's your friend and all, but wouldn't it be kewl to rub a best-seller (written by you) in his face?
I think it is so important to be careful about what you say to others. I saw this same type of thing happen to someone I care about and it broke my heart. Part of the problem, I believe, is they don't realize or even mean to hurt the other person's feelings. It is something just carelessly said.
Maybe this is a dream shared by many bloggers, because it is a dream of mine and a few other bloggers I have come across.
I am really, truly not just saying this though when I say that I really think you could do it. You write in a way that draws people in. That is why so many people read your blog. There is no ONE right way to write a book. I say you follow your dreams.
Go for it, girl. And yes. Thank you for the reminder. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that I have been this careless person a few times. I am working hard on being more deliberate and careful in all my interactions.
I think you are a wonderful writer and I think you would write an awesome book, I would buy it in a heartbeat! I am sorry that his response made you sad. I am sure he didn't mean it to be soo bad. Love you girl
Hmph, I think you'd write a fantastic book! That's a shame he responded like that.
I hope to write a book someday. Mine would just be chick lit but still. If I could make someone laugh and enjoy it, that's enough for me.
I was just saying to Dad earlier that I hate how sometimes we can say something in haste, without thinking, and hurt someone very deeply. I'm surprised he dismissed your dream so casually when he was revealing his own dreams to you. That's just very strange.
I hope you write a book. I hope it becomes a bestseller. I know without a doubt that a ton of people would be excited to read your words.
My first reaction was, "What a jerk! Many people write books, so why not you?" To me, it seems like a perfectly doable go for someone who likes to write.
But my second thought was that he's obviously not the writing type. He's probably projecting his feelings onto you and sees it as some impossible goal.
Do you have the right to be offended? Absolutely. And you should call him on it. Just tell him that your support his dreams, he has to support your dreams. Get it off your chest!
I think you would write an awesome book. And I would be one of the first people to buy it... Did you ever say anything to College Buddy about what he said and how it hurt your feelings???
I would buy your book too! So girl...when are you going to start it?? Isn't it sad how some react to our dreams? I am sorry you got hurt by him laughing. If I was around I would of sat on him and crushed him because that is what big sisters do! :) Love ya!
It never ceases to amaze me how much others can hurt us, how words can last longer than a bruise and are often more painful than the hit that would have caused it.
I believe in you. One hundred percent. Even if it is done after the kids are older, I think you will do it.
Your writing is good. When you tell stories, I can feel everything you went through; you're that good of a writer!!!
I'm in Cheryl's camp. I'd rather guess that he would be so sad to know that he caused that pain. I am almost certain he didn't mean anything mean with his comment... I will make it mean he was speaking directly to your light heartedness and Pulitzer books just seem oh too stodgy. You would never be considered stodgy in a million years... heck with my rose colored glasses he gave you a compliment! So be free today... go write your non stodgy book and be wildly successful!
And thanks for the reminder that words can really hurt. I hope I haven't done so with a rash or impulsive comment some where!
I can only imagine how crushed you felt at that moment..frieds are suppost to be supportive of your dreams.
I awhile back I started writing about my mom's journey with cancer through my eyes...haven't gotten far but my sister says if I ever finish it she would be so proud.
So you can do it. Prove him wrong friend!
If you wrote it, I'd buy it! Heck, I'd offer to write the forward :)
There are few things worse than being let down in such a major way by someone you trust...it hurts far more than if anyone else in the world were to say the same thing.
I agree with the PCs, prove him wrong!
It is SO true! Someone can so easily say something without realizing how bad it can scar the other person. I have had a few of those "buzz-kill" kinda moments myself. But I'm really starting to learn how to get over it. I figure I'll never get where I want to go if I let others bring me down!! If you want to write a book, write a book!! Don't let the fear of someone's reaction stop you mama!
I believe in you! One thing about writing to keep in mind, the hardest thing I have found is having something to say. You have plenty to say, and you say it well! Just sit down and write it, Shell. Send me what you have, I'll edit it. YOU CAN DO IT. The trick is sitting down and starting.
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com
That is horrible and I am sure it crushed you. But I think people that try to push others down are insecure in themselves. I would read you! You are such an awesome writer!
My post this week is about a past hurt as well. I too hold on to them, but its a reminder to me, to watch my words...exactly what you said.
Our dreams are ours. If you still have a dream to write a book you should make it happen. You'll have more time on your hands as the boys get a little older....spread those wings girl....we'll be here to keep you afloat!
I understand. It is such a hard thing to tell people that dream, because it's not concrete like owning a business. In fact, it's more personal. It's you. It's your words. It's the part that churns out of your heart. I didn't tell anyone except my family that I was writing a novel until it was complete and even after, like you said, it took all my courage to talk about it.
I'm sorry that happened. I would have been crushed.
But, look at you now, with this amazing blog and your legions of followers. What does that tell you? People take the time to come here because you're a good writer, a great writer.
Here's my advice. Do. It. If I had one do over, I would have started this process earlier. Not that it's a big deal. But as frantic as it made my life, to add this extra addition on, it was joyous, simply joyous. And this part of the process, is scary and thrilling and fulfilling all at the same time. You won't ever regret jumping into the writing a novel pool.
I got your back, girl. Do. It.
You know it's not too late for you to still write that book. I've written two books ... not bestsellers but really good books. If you have a book in you then your mind will not rest until you get it out and on paper. DO IT!!
Shell I would totally buy your book! I think you should use College Buddies haunting words to drive you to do it! Use those painful memories to encourage you rather than distress you! I know you can do it - and even if its not a best seller, you wrote a book, and thats more than most can say!!! I challenge you to write your book - make a goal of 1 chapter a month and make it happen. You have the blog world to help promote you and your endevours - so what are you waiting for?!
Oh Shell, what a powerful post. That is so heart-rending! But you need to heal...work on that best-selling book AND talk to your friend about that comment and explain how it has haunted you. That way he can be mindful of his comments just as you are now. :)
I need to tell you the store of my best friend. I met him in college. He wasn't out of the closet just yet... but he's my gay best friend who is gay. Anyway, I always KNEW that he had HUGE potential. That he was going to do something really cool, special unique. I kinda had some fights with him when he settled down in Nashville with this guy that was really keeping him down and not supporting his pursuit of greatness.
They finally had an opportunity to move to NYC and live there practically free. You can't turn it down. They've since broken up (thank heaevns) and Jim is now with a man who fully supports him and helps him with his career.
When Jim moved to NYC... he started working as an admin in Marketing for Marvel Comics. Since Jim was a boy, he's been an avid comics fan (just like my husband). So this was his dream job- or so it seemed.
Jim is a writer. In college, he wrote plays and songs and stories.
The admin job led to a marketing job where he was attending comic conferences and such. And then... he got a chance to write a little something for Marvel.
Fast forward to now... he is no longer working in the marketing dept for Marvel Comics. Instead, he is a writer for Marvel with his own ongoing series (Hawkeye and Mockingbird) and the first issue just went into second print! He is writing a book / graphic novel called "Return of the Dapper Men."
Dreams come true. If there is something you want to do, do it. You want to write a book? Start writing. Heck- steal Pioneer Woman's idea and start writing chapters and share them on the blog.
Don't dream it.... be it!
Shell I could totally see you writing a book. You have a wonderful way with words that draws people in.
We all need to be careful with our words. I understand all too well that a snap reaction can easily hurt another's feelings even if not intented.
Just go for it and never look back.
I agree---I hope I've never said anything so thoughtless and hurtful to someone that they've never forgotten....
I'm so sorry his words affected you in this way. You are a wonderful writer!
I want to write a book someday, too. But I'm too chicken and I don't know how to start.
I also agree iwth Expats---GO FOR IT!
Just to brighten your day...Got your pasta salad request answered over at my place today...
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com
Have you ever told him?
This was a life lesson that I specifically remember my dad teaching me. I was about 13, had gotten into an argument with my mom. You know the kind ---screaming and yelling, butting heads that she's the worst mom in the world in all my early teenage angst. My dad --who was very logical and rational and let's face it, I thought he hung the moon--said to me, "Steph, everyone gets mad and hurt and wants to hurt the person back. What you have to remember is once you've yelled all the things you want, the hurtful words etc., YOU'RE done with it. BUT, the person you have said your words to, hears those words long after they're spoken. You need to think about what you're going to say, BEFORE it comes out and the effect it may have."
Obviously, it stuck with me, for 24 years later I'm writing it on here.
You are exactly right about the lasting effect of words.
I'm sorry you were hurt and that his response has made you question yourself. I hope you DO write a book someday. I'm going to write one too! :)
xoxox
p.s. I hope to get my crap together and participate in PYHO again...Wednesday just sneaks up on me.
You are a fabulous writer Shell. Just look at how many people can't get enough of what you have to say. I for one am one those people who look forward to your posts.
I for one have been one of those people who didn't think before speaking. I think you should have told college buddy what you felt at that moment. He needed to know that what he said held and holds you back. You have to let go of that old pain and I think until you tell him what he said hurt you years ago, I don't think you'll get past it.
Or...you could write that book and publish it. And show him he was wrong. I have faith that you will overcome it. Well done girl.
Man, I hope I'm never that person either. It's sad how someone can say something so hurtful and not realize it. Stuff like that does stay with us. But, don't listen to him Shell. You are a beautiful writer. I've told you that before. I know you would have a best seller. I'd be the first in line to buy it girl. xoxo
Words stick with me, too. Especially the negative ones. I hate it!
If you want to write a book, then do it! I'll definitely buy it!
Shell, not only would I read your book, I would pay full price for it! This is big deal, since I never pay full price for any book, and then I would reccomend it to my friends. :) I will have to say that your blog was one of just a few that inspired me to get serious about blogging. By serious, I mean a blogover, and a dot com(hopefully it will turn into something-LOL). But, I also have a desire to write, and I don't ever tell anyone for fear of the same thing. You're an excellent writer, and I have no doubt when God prepares the perfect time for you, it would definitley make best sellers!
I know Ive said this before but you are a amazing writer. And I believe you could have a best selling book.
I'm so sorry he did that to you! You write beautifully Shell and I believe that some day you WILL write that book! And we will all buy it which will instantly put you on the Best Seller lists!
By the way ... the (copy text) button is screwy today. Not sure what happened. :)
That is SO true. Sometimes people don't realize that the things they say will be carried with someone for the rest of their life.
I think it's great that you want to write a book. If you wrote a book, I would buy it :) And I'd tell all my friends to buy it too! :)
oh, i 100% agree that words are so powerful and can stick with someone long after they were intended to be remembered.
Don't let a comment hold you down, your dream is YOUR dream and if you put your heard and soul into it, you can accomplish it.
I'm sorry your spirit was broken by words so thoughtlessly thrown out. Does this friend read your blog? Maybe it's time to have a heart to heart with him.
Isn't it amazing how a single, off-handed comment can have such effect? I bet he didn't even realize he was crushing your dream. It's a good lesson to always think about what we say and how it sounds to others.
I do hope you'll think seriously about pursuing the book. What do you have to lose?
Oh Shell, I know how much it hurts to have someone close to you not believe in your dreams like you want them to -- or want to yourself! But, you can't let that stop you, ok? If you want to write a book, and it is a passion of yours, do it. Write that book and do everything you can to get it published! I would definitely read it. Besides, there are so many bloggers self-publishing now, you wouldn't even have to be at the mercy of a publisher! Go for it, lady.
This is one of those times where he spoke without thinking. I say you go for your dream, do it. Look how many people you have that believe in you!
That just breaks my heart that he laughed at you! I would buy your book sweetie! My sister in law wrote a children's book and published it herself because she always wanted to be a writer. I think it is amazing! I wanted to be a poet. I miss writing poems!
Writing a book has always been a dream of mine, too. I think you should GO FOR IT!! I would definitely buy it :-)
i for one would def by a book written by you! You are a great writer !!
DO IT! I would buy your book and force others to buy too!
Your awareness of that hurt will prevent you from doing likewise to anybody else. Follow that dream!
never let anyone trample on your dream! you're a good writer. isnt the gazillion followers proof enough? we're here because we love what you write and wouldnt mind paying if we find you on barnes and noble.
i wish i can write like you when i grow up...
words ARE powerful, but you can use that hurt you felt/feel in a GOOD way.
Write that book & prove him wrong! Do it for yourself first of all, but when you doubt it for any reason, remember that laughter & keep pushing forward!
It takes a lot to be that open with someone and when you get a reaction like that, it really does leave a scar.
I hope you're able to use that scar as a jumping off point someday and do what you want to do so badly!
Alright, I am emailing you my comment before I post it. Let me know if you are ok with it.
Thank you for sharing this with me and all of us.
I pray that the amazing comments you are receiving today can replace that one comment spoken to you so many years ago. I'm sure that he never meant for his words to hurt you so deeply for so long, but I do get how words can hurt and resonate. Today is the day to let go and believe you can indeed have a best seller.
I believe in you Shell!
Reading this post makes me even happier I chose you as the tip top this week... I am still writing my post ...what a day but I will tell you that its is hard to have words cut you like a knife...So many times we as people never stop to think about our own emotions and how someone else probably has ones similar to ours... we just say and do .. I would totally read your book ... Maybe I should someday make exerts of mine public .... Probably not though... I will most likely take it to my grave..
you know what, I think about that a lot. Im always hoping that something I say doesnt come off that wrong way. I can be a very blunt person and sometimes that can come off wrong. I say, follow your dream! Ill buy your book!
I have a "gay boyfriend"
words sadly do linger and last forever! Guys are dumb though seriously! Write your book make your millions and then send him an autographed copy! ;)
I feel confident that he simply didn't "get" how truly serious you were about this dream.
He clearly did not take it to heart.
I'll bet ya anything if he knew now how much it hurt you he would understand your heart and support it completely.
You have to believe that too---so that you can move forward.
You have to give yourself what other people fail to...
Ouch! That would hurt. I think maybe it's a guy thing...they just don't understand other people's feelings very well and I'm pretty sure he never meant to hurt you.
This is one of the reasons I find it really hard to open up to others. I can't take the criticism. I really need to develop thicker skin I think. I was the kid that would never raise their hand in school...I was always afraid of giving the wrong answer. And to this day, I'm the same way! I'm afraid of being judged.
I think it's a great dream, one I have myself!
That sucks. I hate that it stings so badly that it stays with you. {Hugs} to you, Mama. I haven't read the comments that you linked to, but I know that they say what we know, you are a WRITER, and you can DO this if you set your mind to it. SO GO FOR IT! What the heck, right? [p.s. I often share that dream, we could always do it together!]
:( I'm sorry. Words can hurt so very bad sometimes...and keep on hurting for years.
Our dreams are like fragile baby birds, aren't they? They're either going to fall out of the nest and end up damaged and forgotten, on the ground, or they'll be nourished and grow and take wing.
Sorry for a sappy analogy, but I know what it is to have a dream laughed at. And no matter how many people try to give it wing, you will always remember the one who didn't.
Great post Shell. He was young and no doubt really did not appreciate how much his words hurt but yes, we all need to be mindful of never intentionally doing anything to crush someone's dreams.
My father has lots of sayings and one of his favorites is, "you'll never know until you try" and it is very true, so if writing a novel is something you want to do then I say go for it too!
This is so sad. I don't know you, but I can relate to your story. Sometime your best friend(s) can hurt you the most. I sense jealousy in this friend. You need to follow your dreams and if writing a book is something you dream of doing, do it !!! Trust me follow your dreams and if this is something you are passionate about, it will be a success. Who cares if it is a best-seller, at least you accomplished your dream and gave it a heck of a shot !!! Don't let anyone EVER stand in your way or discourage you in anyway.....Best of Luck.
Shell, you most certainly can do anything you set your mind to and there are no limits to your book dream that you can't achieve.
There, that out of the way (which is exactly what HE should have said all those years ago) is what you should hear in your awesome head from now on K?
Because it's truth!
(-:
I'm sorry Shell. I'm sorry that that comment still stings to this day. It doesn't really matter if he never intended to hurt you or discourage you by saying it because ultimately that's what happened.
But I agree with everyone else here. You can most certainly write a book and I hope you do not give up on that dream!
What a terribly unfriendly thing to say to a friend. Especially your person.
You go write that book, and slap him in the head with it!
I've told you many times that I think you should write a book - I was actually thinking about that the other night in the bathtub...
Wait.. did I just admit I was thinking about you in the tub LOL
Anyway, I am sure his reaction hurt more than anything. Men (and women, but more men)just sometimes don't think before they react.
Go for it!! You are a very engaging writing, and even if you don't write a best seller, people will read what you write, because you are that good!
Ahhhh, Shell! I nearly missed spotting this! When you read this story you'll understand :(
Here's me, pouring my heart out, feeling like a VERY BAD MOTHER :(
xxx
I can't imagine how that must have felt. You should write that book. I know I would buy it.
Awww! I missed this weeks pour your heart out! I will have to make sure to get something ready for next weds.
Anyway, I literally felt a falling feeling in my stomach when I read that he laughed. I have had my husband do a similar thing to me. Who are they to define who we are? Pulitzer? I would rather eat a dead lizard then read most of those! You should never give up on the things that mean the most of you, we only live once and its you life. In the end, you are the only one who has to live it.
Dee
All that matters is that YOU believe you have the book in you.
That's all it takes.
That happens sometimes, when people say things that you don't expect from them.
I hope you write your book one day :)
You're a good person for still being friends with College Buddy, because that would've probably ended the friendship for me. And THAT is the very reason I don't tell many people I want to write a book, for fear of that response. And even when people tell me I *should*, I figure they're just being nice. Viscious cycle or something. :-) (You *should* write a book though.)
I found your blog at Life Without Pink's Friday Favorites party and I am so glad I stopped by. Those old hurts can haunt us for a long time. It stinks that he laughed because no one should laugh at our dreams. Dreams keep us moving in life. I have dreams too and sometimes I will tell them to people I trust but there are few of those people in my life. I hope that you will stop hearing and seeing his reaction the next time writing a book comes up.
I'm going to take a look around the blog and maybe I'll join in on this party soon.
Linking from Life Without Pink's Friday Faves... Great post- because its so true. Sometimes someone says something that to them seems so little- and to us stays for years...especially when it comes to life aspirations.
I'll buy your book! :)
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