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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out: The Good-bye Glass

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.

Please grab the button for your post and link up!

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)


This didn't start out as my Pour Your Heart Out for the week- I was just going to post this for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop which is on Thursday- I know, I confuse people with doing things on the wrong days....but after I wrote this, I realized that I'd poured my heart out and that maybe that was enough for this week....maybe I was a little bit spent after thinking about this...so I'm double-dipping.

Mama's Losin' It

I don't like to dwell on the past. I'm a happily married woman and mom to three darlings. But, I do believe that the past is a part of making me who I am now. So, it also doesn't make sense to me to pretend like it never happened. Inspired by one of Mama Kat's writing prompts: a story with an ending of "good-bye," I'll give you a little peek into my past: about 10 years ago. Yes, I know that talking about myself in the third person is annoying, but humor me just this once.

She knocked timidly on the door to the place she had called "home" with him until the day that she'd left six weeks before.

He answered quickly and ushered her in with the grin that had melted her heart the night she'd first met him.

She looked around at the flowers and the glowing candles that were her welcome.

"I missed you," he told her.

She tried not to speak, though she did let him hold her.

She was only there to get the rest of her things. She'd known walking in that she didn't really want to leave. She loved him still.

He promised her things could be different. He promised he'd try harder. That he'd make her happy. That she was his world.

Still, she kept quiet, looking into the eyes of the one she thought she'd spend the rest of her life with.  She looked down at the ring she still wore on her hand.

The words all sounded right. It was exactly what she wanted to hear.

But, she remembered the hurt he'd caused.  She remembered vowing to herself to never let it happen again. She reminded herself that she was worth more than this and that she had a better life waiting for her or at least the promise of a better life.  She knew the words were not enough.

She vowed to remain strong, to leave this place.

He realized he wouldn't change her mind, that he couldn't stop her from leaving. "Someday," he told her, "we'll be together. Maybe our timing just isn't right. But, there's no way that we'll never see each other again."

She wanted to cry. Did that mean he still loved her? The way that he'd loved her in the beginning, when he made her feel like the world revolved around the two of them and nothing else mattered? We loved with a love that was more than love, echoed the line from a poem read long ago.

Maybe he just needed time. Time and then they'd be together.

But, if they were going to be together someday, why wait? Why leave? Why not stay?

Her resolve weakened and she opened her mouth to tell him that she didn't want to leave.

But, wait. He hadn't asked her to stay now.

He's only telling her that maybe someday, he'll be ready and they can be together then.

Not now.

That's no way to live. To love someone who can only make some vague promise of someday.

How would it be to stay with someone who didn't want the now, only the hope of something in the future?

And so she gathered the rest of her things. As she emptied her closet, her eyes came to rest on the wedding dress hanging there, still wrapped up.

She could see his reflection in the mirror. Knew he saw what she was looking at.

"You might need it someday," he said.

"I woudn't wear it to marry someone else," she whispered. "It wouldn't be right."

"No, but you still might need it. You never know..." And he smiled.

She left the room without another word and began to take her things to her truck, fighting back tears.

It seemed like there should be more to this scene unfolding before her eyes. That it wasn't possible to end this part of her life so quickly and without much fanfare. Someone should stop this, change this, where was that magical moment that happens in the movies where everything can be made okay again with just the right words?

He held her in his arms inside the doorway of the place that used to be theirs. She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of him, trying to remember or to forget or to freeze the moment.

She silently prayed, "Don't ask me to stay. Don't ask me to stay.  I can't leave if you ask me to stay. Oh, please, ask me to stay.  Ask me...don't ask me...."

They walked outside and he helped her into the truck. He held her hand and said, "I love you."

She didn't trust herself.  She was afraid of what she would say if she spoke. She thought she'd fall apart if she tried to tell him what she was feeling. And she wanted his last memory of her to be that of a strong woman, not an emotional mess.

And so she merely smiled, let go of his hand, and closed her door.

She drove away from him, still fighting back tears.

When she could see the city where they'd lived in her rearview mirror, knowing she'd never go back, she let herself cry and whisper, "Good-bye."

Labels: ,


Blogger Andrea said...

Wow! You could seriously write a book! You are not in any need of a workshop!!

Have a good Wednesday!

May 26, 2010 at 12:08 AM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

Loved it! Of course it was sad but I loved your writing! When writing about difficult things I sometimes write in the third person, it makes it easier sometimes.

May 26, 2010 at 12:17 AM  
Blogger purseblogger said...

Shell-you are amazing! I just love the way you write. I seriously could feel the pain you were in. So glad you found your dh and have the life you have friend. xoxo

May 26, 2010 at 12:28 AM  
Blogger Lourie said...

Beautifully written. The power of the emotions came out loud and clear. Wow.

May 26, 2010 at 12:54 AM  
Blogger Casey said...

Wow Shell, I was really feeling in the moment. Like the other commenters said you are a really good writer. I felt your pain and what you were feeling at that time. Did you know that I was engaged to another person before I met my hubby? We had been high school sweethearts but i wasn't really in love with him so I finally broke it off and then met hubby a month after. Everything happens for a reason, I believe

May 26, 2010 at 12:55 AM  
Blogger Laurel said...

I actually love the third person thing. I thought it was beautiful--it made me cry, even knowing that you met your husband later and that there was a reason for everything.

May 26, 2010 at 12:55 AM  
Blogger EL said...

Wow. If that was a chapter in a book, I wouldnt be able to put that book down. And I'm sure the chapters before and after would be even juicier lol.

Really beautifully written Shell! Have a great week :)

May 26, 2010 at 1:21 AM  
Blogger Much More Than Mommy said...

So beautifully written, reached right through and touched my heart.

May 26, 2010 at 1:38 AM  
Blogger Kisha said...

Oh, Shell. I love this. The dichotomy of wanting to stay, but needing to go...brilliant. heartbreaking. lovely.

May 26, 2010 at 2:14 AM  
Blogger Katina said...

Shell, I loved how you showed quiet strength even through pain!
Very nicely done!

May 26, 2010 at 5:35 AM  
Blogger Katina said...

Shell, I loved how you showed quiet strength even through pain!
Very nicely done!

May 26, 2010 at 5:35 AM  
Blogger Eternal Lizdom said...

Yup- you left me wanting more, more, more!!! I want to know more about that relationship and what happened...

And life definitely happens the way it is supposed to to get us where we need to be. Sounds like that happened for you.

May 26, 2010 at 6:25 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Thank you.

May 26, 2010 at 6:26 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

You passed your emotions right through. Good work.

So brought back my good bye story in my head!

May 26, 2010 at 6:32 AM  
Blogger Aging Mommy said...

Writing this in the third person really worked, I totally agree. This is just wonderful, thank you for sharing this story, despite it being such a sad one. It begs a follow-up piece to tell us what happened in the end.

May 26, 2010 at 6:50 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

This could be in a book of essays for really sad romantic writing. Love it!

If I wrote about every good-bye I've had, it would make me feel really great about where I ended up. It's a good idea/prompt.

May 26, 2010 at 6:52 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Wow, you are an amazing writer. You drew me right into your words and I felt as if it was me. That is the true sign of a great writer.

May 26, 2010 at 6:56 AM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Great Story and thanks for sharing it! It can be so cathartic to get it all out!

May 26, 2010 at 7:03 AM  
Blogger Kerri said...

I don't think this is considered dwelling on the past. You're simply drawing from your experience to write a story.
And it was a really good one.
I related to it and that's why we write in the first place, isn't it?
At least, that's why I read.
I'm gonna check out that workshop now...
Happy Wednesday Shell!

May 26, 2010 at 7:07 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

so amazing shell...i almost felt like i was you and feeling what you were going through.

May 26, 2010 at 7:16 AM  
Blogger The Mommyologist said...

Don't you wish you could secretly go back in time to that night and tell yourself not to worry because something better was waiting in your future? I remember breaking up with long-time boyfriends and thinking it was the end of the world...but it was all just part of the plan!

And it was HIS loss for sure!!

May 26, 2010 at 7:38 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

I love reading when you write like this. You should seriously write a novel. You could give Nicholas Sparks a run for his money!!!

May 26, 2010 at 7:49 AM  
Blogger MommaPebz said...

absolutely beautifully written - I've been in a similar situation & you captured the emotions behind it perfectly.

I agree with The Mommyologist too - if only we knew THEN what we have NOW! =)

May 26, 2010 at 7:50 AM  
Blogger Sha-Ray said...

Beautifully written. Love it.

May 26, 2010 at 8:06 AM  
Blogger Foursons said...

I felt like I was watching a movie. Great job on a heartbreaking moment.

May 26, 2010 at 8:19 AM  
Blogger Ma What's 4 dinner said...

You get me every time girl! Going to get some tissues.

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner

May 26, 2010 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger Tylaine said...

That was truly beautiful Shell!
Thanks for sharing and always being so open and honest! :)
What a heartbreak...I'm so glad you've found happiness :)

May 26, 2010 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

You kill me with these stories. Seriously.

Very well written!!

May 26, 2010 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger Trish said...

Amazing job!
It is so much easier to write it after you have lived it!

May 26, 2010 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger Jenn @ South of Sheridan said...

The only thing better than a well-written memoir is knowing in the long run, there is a happy ending. I loved this. :)

May 26, 2010 at 8:58 AM  
Blogger Aunt Crazy said...

WOW...very well written, so heartfelt, I love it!

May 26, 2010 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger Life Without Pink said...

Wow I am so sorry you had to go through that....but looking back now it was probably the best decision you ever made :)

May 26, 2010 at 9:02 AM  
Blogger Angie said...


It makes me want to read the rest of the book - even though I know the story (or most of it)

It is so hard to leave - I am glad you had the courage to say that Goodbye.


May 26, 2010 at 9:18 AM  
Blogger The Boob Nazi said...

Great post.

May 26, 2010 at 9:25 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

Very touching and well written post. Our past does have a role in who we are today. I'm sorry you had your heart broken, but I am glad you found what you were looking for.

Is the line you quoted from Poe?

May 26, 2010 at 9:26 AM  
Blogger Tami G said...

that's all I can say.
VERY well written :)
and heart wrenching..

May 26, 2010 at 9:46 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Wow - that totally made me cry sitting at work. So well written.

May 26, 2010 at 9:55 AM  
Blogger Two Normal Moms said...

Heart wrenching. And beautifully written.


May 26, 2010 at 9:57 AM  
Blogger We live in a Zoo! said...

='{ So was that the end of the story!?

May 26, 2010 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Wow! Shell ... that was beautiful ... and heartbreaking! So glad you got a happy ending after the sad good-bye!

May 26, 2010 at 10:33 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Shell, I know this is your life, but I felt like I was reading a scene out of a movie. I could picture it all in my head. This is a beautiful piece of writing. I guess what I always feared was true is true: writers, good writers, must feel pain, heartache, sadness to write.

You obviously did the right thing back then since you are now happily married with wonderful children!

May 26, 2010 at 10:37 AM  
Blogger Mama Kat said...

Awwww!!! This is heartbreaking and strong at the same time. That had to have been the hardest thing to do! I'm dying to know what happened to lead to that point and what happened after. Was that the last time?

May 26, 2010 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger VandyJ said...

Powerful stuff and you express it so well. Sometimes goodbye is all you can say. And look where that goodbye got you.

May 26, 2010 at 10:48 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

Oh love. I've been in a similar situation. I had a fiance before I met my husband. The need and want to stay was the 'comfortable' and it was SO hard to finally walk away.

May 26, 2010 at 11:07 AM  
Blogger Daisygirl said...

Ohhhhhhh I so ♥ your writing!!!! I love that you shared this and I think every couple needs to go through something like this in their lifetimes to truly understand what love, patience and courage is!

Awesome post!!!

May 26, 2010 at 11:12 AM  
Blogger Cara Mamma said...

Shell this is breathtakingly beautiful. I think it is so important to remember the past not as dwelling but as piece of the puzzle that makes us who we are! xoxo

May 26, 2010 at 11:36 AM  
Blogger Gucci Mama said...


May 26, 2010 at 11:39 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Oh Shell that was beautiful. It felt like I was reading a great book. You are a amazing writer.

May 26, 2010 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Kristy said...

Pure heartache. Good writing. Thanks for sharing!

May 26, 2010 at 11:46 AM  
Blogger Ian said...

Dude, you are a seasoned pro. You need to be writing short stories for a living.

May 26, 2010 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

Shell, I have tears in my eyes. I also had to leave someone who I thought I would marry. It brings back those emotions. I am sorry you had to go through all that, but you are right...you had a great life ahead of you...(as I did). My PYHO will be late today. Off to run some errands and then come back and put it to words.

May 26, 2010 at 11:52 AM  
Blogger Tabatha said...

AMAZING shell...
amazing is all I can say. I feel your pain and sometimes feel we have lived the same stories inour life. :) thanks for sharing shell your awesome. So glad your HAPPY now.

May 26, 2010 at 11:53 AM  
Blogger MommyLovesStilettos said...

Beautifully written :) I didn't link up this week. Last weeks post was really tough for me and I just can't get my brain in the right place to pour my heart out today :(

May 26, 2010 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger Writing Without Periods! said...

Wow, what a great idea.

May 26, 2010 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger Katie's Dailies said...

Beautiful. And the third person worked perfectly for it.

May 26, 2010 at 1:07 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Great writing. Makes me ready to hear more.

May 26, 2010 at 1:15 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

Made me cry! Great writing, really...I'm requesting a chapter 2 :)

May 26, 2010 at 1:21 PM  
Blogger tessica said...

i loved your post today
it spoke to me
and the sentiment:
it wasn't possible to end this part of her life so quickly and without much fanfare

i think we assume it should big as big as the hurt we feel
and it never is
and that just hurts more

May 26, 2010 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Shawna said...

I really want to read the before and after. More please!

May 26, 2010 at 1:46 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

I echo everyone else. You should write a book! I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but in the end, like you said a lot of the past makes you who you are today. If you didn't learn and grow from these experiences, you wouldn't be as strong as you are. I definitely would love to read the before and after.

May 26, 2010 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger Messy Mommy said...

Wow you are a STRONG woman! I could have NEVER done that!

May 26, 2010 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

You knew you'd be alright. And you were. And you are.

Thanks for sharing..

May 26, 2010 at 2:30 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Very good writing ...OH I shouldhave read this at home though I am crying at my desk...today I should skip the pour your heart out posts ...I am already a wreck...happy Wednesday Shell.

May 26, 2010 at 2:34 PM  
Blogger Amethyst Moon said...

Fabulously written! Thanks for sharing!

May 26, 2010 at 3:03 PM  
Blogger Joann Mannix said...

Shell, that was lovely and poignant and heart wrenching and just amazing.

And I'm sorry you had to go through that. But, it is part of what brought you to the place you are now, so that is a reason to always be grateful.

May 26, 2010 at 4:21 PM  
Blogger Mommy's Sippy Cup said...

That was beautiful and so heart felt. I felt like I knew exactly what was happening, like you were talking directly to me.

Thanks for sharing such a touching and sad story! Such a strong person you seem to be.

May 26, 2010 at 4:27 PM  
Blogger Simoney said...

Shell that was a beautifully written peek into a very wrenching moment of your life.
Thanks for pouring that out... it was very moving. And although that story ended with Goodbye I'm glad to know that you didn't stay sad :)
luv from

May 26, 2010 at 7:55 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...


May 26, 2010 at 8:16 PM  
Blogger Chief said...

What a beautiful post!

May 26, 2010 at 11:23 PM  
Blogger Jenners said...

Visiting from Mama Kats...

Your post and my post could be related. I was rooting for you to say "goodbye" in a way because I've been there and done that and you cannot wait for the change to come if it hasn't come yet. Painful to do but many of the choices we have to make in life aren't easy.

May 27, 2010 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger Sonora said...

Geez, that was incredible. I want to know more. Have you ever thought of writing a book?
What a difficult experience. Sometimes I envy those that married their high school sweethearts. I have an ex that left a void in my life, not to the extent of yours, but it was painful in its own way. I love that you were strong though. I am all about strong women and I would like to think that I am one too. I'm glad things worked out for the best for you!

May 27, 2010 at 11:35 AM  
Blogger cheri said...

wow. you wrote this so quietly that it's screaming in silence. it's so powerful. it's the kind of writing that wouldnt tear you at first glance, but would constantly gnaw you on the inside. the type that wouldnt quiet down.

May 27, 2010 at 11:56 AM  
Blogger Anastasia said...

I can see how it would actually be easier to write about that in third person. You obviously have moved on and have a great life now, but that must have still been hard to remember and write about.

May 27, 2010 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Beautiful. Really, really beautiful.

May 27, 2010 at 2:56 PM  
Blogger KLZ said...

Over from Mama Kat's.

That sounds tough...it's the worst when they're ALMOST saying what you want. When you can interpret it the way you want.

But, in the end, I'm glad you're doing things on the wrong day. How else would I have found you pouring your heart out?

May 27, 2010 at 3:30 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

So beautiful Shell, you did a great job! This was the one I was going to do too, if I wasn't stuck in a stupid airport going no where!

Really great post, and I personally love the third person :)

May 27, 2010 at 7:48 PM  
Blogger Venassa said...

Very beautiful. You have a great way of drawing me in. I also love the writing in the 3rd person.

May 27, 2010 at 8:44 PM  
OpenID pegbur7 said...

Stopping by from Mama Kat's. I chose the same prompt.

Very powerful post. You had me in tears. I could feel your emotions in every word. BRAVA!!! Well done.

May 27, 2010 at 10:11 PM  
OpenID pegbur7 said...

Stopping by from Mama Kat's. I chose the same prompt.

Very powerful post. You had me in tears. I could feel your emotions in every word. BRAVA!!! Well done.

May 27, 2010 at 10:11 PM  
Blogger VKT said...

I was in tears by the end of this post. I could feel your pain through your words. You write beautifully Shell. You ought to consider writing a book! Seriously!

Whatever happened to him? Do you know?

May 27, 2010 at 10:39 PM  
Blogger Holly said...

Shell, that was so beautifully written. You had me sitting on the edge of my seat eating up every word.

May 28, 2010 at 2:54 PM  
Blogger *LLUVIA* said...

I really wish my sister could read this; well, she can but for some reason it won't go into her head, great post

May 28, 2010 at 10:38 PM  
Blogger Krystyn said...

Shell...oh my goodness. What a story. I can't imagine living it then. I can tell now that you know you did the right thing. But then? In that moment? I was scared reading the end!

May 28, 2010 at 11:03 PM  
Blogger Froggylady said...

This is so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.

May 29, 2010 at 8:27 PM  
Blogger Frugal Vicki said...

OMG!!! Why am I reading posts I haven't read before...you are making me all depressed and weepy!

June 28, 2010 at 1:49 AM  
Blogger DaisyGal said...

I know you wrote that a long time ago,
I know that it's a sad story, a heartbreak..but it was PERFECT.


October 14, 2010 at 3:53 PM  

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