< Things I Can't Say: I'm CALM????

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I'm CALM????

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Monday, August 9, 2010

I'm CALM????

I originally posted this on 2/5/09, back when this was just my online journal and I just talked to myself. I'm republishing this as a reminder to myself that I used to be calm, since I feel like I've been flipping out about everything lately- mama's going to explode.

If you are here looking for the Back-to-School Celebration giveaways, you'll find the links in the sidebar. And check out the adorable back-to-school video montage I made yesterday-they are free to make! And super easy- you just upload your pics!

My stepsister called me the other morning to ask a breastfeeding question.

During the course of our conversation, she said that she thinks she's done having kids, that two kids who are less than two years apart are enough for her, and can't imagine what it's going to be like when the baby starts
crawling around.

I just sort of laughed, as my three are all close in age and I'm not even sure if we are done having babies yet. (note: we now know that we ARE done. Snip, snip)

She told me "I am not as calm as you."

This is not the first time that someone has commented on how calm they think that I am.

I think I must be doing a great job at fooling people.

No, really...I do usually appear calm and I am actually pretty calm most of the time.

Here's the way that I look at it: my freaking out is not going to do anything to help a situation. It's only going to stress me out and probably stress out my kids, too.

Flipping out doesn't change something that my child has already done. For instance, when Bear was dancing on stage with Chuck E. Cheese the other day, had I spazzed out, it would not have changed the fact that he was up there nor gotten him down any faster. I chose to calmly walk up there and get him down and quietly tell him that he was not to do that again. And then calmly collect our belongings and head home shortly after that...but I stayed calm.

Look, I realize that having 3 little boys all close in age is going to cause some crazy situations. My boys are not perfect and they are going to act out  sometimes. Things are going to happen. The only thing that I really can control is my reaction to the situation. For my own peace of mind, I'm choosing to react to (most) things calmly.

I might have a nervous breakdown quietly behind a closed door later in the day, but that's a different story.



Blogger Oka said...

I try to remain calm, but I loose my cool sometimes :(

August 9, 2010 at 8:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I appear calm the majority of the time... just so you aren't living in my house when I am yelling at the kids to stop hitting eachother LOL

Appearences can totally be decieving can't they?

August 9, 2010 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

I wish I could at least 'appear' calm, but no .... I'm just the opposite. Except, for some strange reason, when it comes to my daughter. It's like there is something inside of me that knows better. Even though I'm known to overreact in almost all other areas of life, I've yet to do it with her. Even at my most stressed, that reaction just doesn't seem to ever surface. I hope it stays that way!

August 9, 2010 at 8:58 AM  
Blogger Kir said...

I am jealous, I am not calm, not at all...I tend to have my voice hit a fever pitch when the twins seem to be plotting against me. :)

I have a friend who is as "calm" as you and I swear I am jealous of her too...I ask her all the time, how she does it...

Patience is not one of my virtues, *hanging my head in shame* LOL

August 9, 2010 at 9:03 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

It's so funny when you hear people say stuff like that, isn't it? I've heard that I'm calm, cool, and collected, and I've also heard that I'm organized. I just laugh and ask if they really know me.

August 9, 2010 at 9:07 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

Even though other mothers will give a sympathetic look (in general), freaking out can make you look like a fool. And it doesn't automagically change what your child has done. It can sometimes make the situation worse.

I do my best to stay Calm on the ouTside. But my son is very good at pushing my buttons. When I do loose my cool, I usually blame it on PMS!

August 9, 2010 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger Joann Mannix said...

I am soooo not calm. I am a yeller, I overreact, I spaz my head off. Now, having said that, I am a very laid back mom. It takes a lot to get me riled, but when I do . . . My teenage girls know to scatter in all directions as fast as possible.

See, here's just another way, I wish I was more like you.

August 9, 2010 at 9:26 AM  
Blogger Mrs. M said...

My 2-year old had a tantrum in the checkout line at a grocery store and I managed to handle it calmly....the lady behind me came up to me in the parking lot and commended my parenting skills...said the world needs more moms like me! Boy was I glad I had my "A" game on that day. Someday's I'd probably get a C-. :)

August 9, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Cranky Mommy said...

In general I'm calm. In an emergency or other stressful situation, I'm good. Spills, potty accidents, scraped knees and chins, even drawing on the walls - I can handle that. At the end of a day when I've repeated myself to the kids hundreds of times about every little thing, well, then I'm not so calm.

August 9, 2010 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Love this topic! I think I am actually more calm now that I'm a mom. Before little things used to get to me, but now I have figured out that freaking out does not change anything!

August 9, 2010 at 9:55 AM  
Blogger mommytojenna said...

I'm totally one of those people who's very good at looking calm but freaking out on the inside. It's true that it doesn't help anyone if you freak out - but sometimes in the privacy of my own home, I let myself do it - cause sometimes you just need a freak out.

August 9, 2010 at 10:01 AM  
Blogger Ronnica said...

" back when this was just my online journal and I just talked to myself"

LOL, we all go through that phase, don't we?

Considering how little I have to be stressed about in my life, I'm way too stressed. Gotta calm down.

August 9, 2010 at 10:02 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I used to be calm. I was fine when I had 2 kids 4 years apart. They were easy to keep track of. It seems like after the triplets were born I freak out over everything. Things have to get done, the only way things get done is on a schedule, if that schedule gets royally screwed up, I lose it. When we go out, we are only 2 parents trying to keep up with 3 toddlers. Most of the time it's only me trying to keep up with them. I try to keep cool as much as possible but I do freak out way more than I ever did.

August 9, 2010 at 10:03 AM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

That's exactly why I try to remain calm and not get overly angry or blow up because what's it going to do? Nothing. It might make me feel better for a few mminutes but then I will just feel bad and it wouldn't have done a thing.

August 9, 2010 at 10:09 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

For me it just depends on the day. I'm usually calm or at least I try to be. With three boys that are 7,5 and 3 that can be a challenge. Funny thing is I am the most calm when there is an injury! Back on New Years Eve Brody fell on the ice/snow and got a cut on his head that was gushing blood. I was able to get him inside and cleaned up while telling the other to wash the blood from the walk like this was an every day event. When we got him to the ER the dr was amazed that I was so clam considering what my then 2 year old had done.

August 9, 2010 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

Life is just easier if you try to take a calm approach to things. I am always super calm and laid back at my job (in the past) but not so much at home. Hopefully it switches when we have kids!

August 9, 2010 at 10:15 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

I love when you can fool people into thinking you've got it all under control.

And hey, often we can fool ourselves so I say keep it up!

August 9, 2010 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger Di said...

I don't think I could ever be accused of being calm. Its up there with patience as traits I do not possess. Unless I'm dealing with dh, then I've learned to appear calm.

August 9, 2010 at 10:26 AM  
Blogger allthingsnew said...

Definitely email me the low entry ones, and I'll be happy to put them on the LEL!

Have a fantastic Monday!


August 9, 2010 at 10:57 AM  
Blogger An Imperfect Momma said...

I am trying to practice that. I dont want to monkey man to see me as a mom who always screams. And thats not easy for me as I am not always a calm person. Sigh. motherhood is so hard

August 9, 2010 at 11:12 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I've been done three times now. I keep having my 'last' baby. After more permanent measures, we are now officially done. But the Tornado is making me sad by saying hourly how much she wants a little baby brother or sister. She just doesn't understand that seven kids is enough.

August 9, 2010 at 11:28 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

I've been told I'm calm and laid back as a parent.I seriously wonder who the hell they're talkin to.

August 9, 2010 at 11:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I need to try harder to remain calm. My natural reaction is to freak and it doesn't help one bit. Thank you for this reminder girl. xoxo

August 9, 2010 at 12:02 PM  
Blogger The Mommyologist said...

You definitely do have a calmness about you, that's for sure! I could never handle three. I'd lose it for sure.

August 9, 2010 at 12:23 PM  
Blogger The Random Blogette said...

I could never handle 3. That is why the hubs is getting the snip, snip next year for sure! I have enough with 2 of them and they are 4 years apart. I try to remain calm, and I am so much calmer than the hubs is, but I have definitely left my full cart in the middle of Kroger and grabbed my kids' arms and dragged them out a couple of times. Sometimes you just reach your breaking point.

August 9, 2010 at 12:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I try to stay calm to, but I do lose my cool sometimes. I think its only natural, as long as we're striving to not lose our cool. You're right there's no point in freaking out, it'll only make the situation worse.

August 9, 2010 at 12:36 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

People always tell me similar things too. I just don't get it.

August 9, 2010 at 12:44 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I can totally relate!

August 9, 2010 at 1:08 PM  
Blogger dot said...

I don't yell or go ballistic...My girls have learned that when I get quieter , They are in trouble. I have sent my girls to their rooms for hours on end because I was just so mad I couldn't speak But I didnt yell. I was yelled at alot as a child and in my first marriage and I don't have any need for it in my life anymore

August 9, 2010 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger Christy said...

I do envy you ... calm is perhaps the last word my husband would use to describe me ... although I'm working on it (little by little). It's interesting to see how other people think about us sometimes.

August 9, 2010 at 1:40 PM  
Blogger BNM said...

im the worst at remaining calm its something i need to seriously work on. I have that type a personality where i freak out if everything isnt perfect it sometimes brings out the ugly side of me

August 9, 2010 at 1:46 PM  
Blogger Tracie Nall said...

I need to work on that whole calm thing. There has been so much stress in my life the past few years that I'm afraid I've forgotten what normal feels like, or calm. It is hard.

I do try to keep my freakouts to myself behind closed doors so as not to affect my daughter. I don't always succeed in that though.

August 9, 2010 at 1:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do try to remain calm most times but there has been a few times where I have lost it.

August 9, 2010 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger Lucky Dame said...

What is this word 'Calm' you speak of??? It's been MIA in my world for 4 years. LOL

August 9, 2010 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger imogene said...

14 years with kids has taught me Drama begets Drama so if I don't want drama and if I want the situation to go away, I need to remain calm on the outside. I have certain outlets (my blog being one of them) but most of the time I do my best to be calm cause the added stress just makes things worse.

August 9, 2010 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger cheri said...

calmness - is this something i can get from the store? i seriously need loads of them. oh, and add a load (or ten) of patience, too...

August 9, 2010 at 2:26 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

One boy is enough for me... you're going to have extra stars in your crown! ;-)

August 9, 2010 at 2:29 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

I wish I was more like you. These days, I'm flying off the handle over every little thing. I think I need another vacation!

August 9, 2010 at 2:32 PM  
Blogger Mom vs. the boys said...

I've been known to lose it at home, but never ever in public! lol

August 9, 2010 at 2:44 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Mini-breakdown at home behind closed doors? Calm in the face of chaos? Hmm, I guess it's no wonder I love reading your blog. We have a lot in common.

Run on.

August 9, 2010 at 2:49 PM  
Blogger shortmama said...

Im a calm parent too. I just dont see the point really in getting all worked up!

August 9, 2010 at 3:09 PM  
Blogger Teresa @ ♥ Too Many Heartbeats ♥ said...

I am also a calm person. In fact, sometimes, I get accused of not being concerned enough because I don't get my feathers all ruffled in situations like most. However, I have been a Paramedic for over 20 years and that comes with the territory. When you are in that field, you MUST remain calm when everyone else around you is freaking out. If you don't, things are going to go south really quickly! So, from a really young age, I learned how to hold it all together, no matter what - whether it was in the middle of a really bad call or if it was a situation at home. I think this is a good trait.

I'm stopping by from The Lady Bloggers Society. I've been by many times before but today I saw your link there and thought I'd pop in to say hi. I {{heart}} your blog and really enjoy reading it.

I hope you're having a great Monday.


Teresa <><

♥ Too Many Heartbeats ♥

August 9, 2010 at 3:15 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Staying calm is a choice! Sounds like you're an old pro at making it ;)

August 9, 2010 at 4:40 PM  
Blogger TheFitHousewife said...

We are so similar! Everyone comments how "calm" of a mother I am. Really? Well obviously they don't see me in my true environment...at home! I am anything but calm. Along the lines of mommy needs a timeout all the time?!

August 9, 2010 at 4:43 PM  
Blogger Brenda Susan said...

I think that "appearing" calm is half the battle. If you can do that, in the heat of the situation, you are ahead of lots of others.
The moms in my neighborhood yell so much that it seems like the only way the families know how to talk any more. Kind of sad.

August 9, 2010 at 7:21 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

That's one thing I need to work on myself. I tend to be a bit dramatic. even in public!

August 9, 2010 at 8:14 PM  
Blogger Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Good for you for staying calm. I try but I'm not always successful.

August 9, 2010 at 9:01 PM  
Blogger Lift Like A Mom said...

I don't even think I have the art of faking calm!

August 9, 2010 at 9:06 PM  
Blogger Helene said...

I'm never calm...I like to think I seem like I am but I know I can be a bit dramatic!

August 9, 2010 at 10:35 PM  
Blogger Cheeseboy said...

2 is good for me.

And I teach a bunch of first graders for a living...

August 9, 2010 at 11:44 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I'm not calm. I try to be, but it really doesn't work!

August 10, 2010 at 12:09 AM  
Blogger Lourie said...

People tell me all the time how level headed I am. Ummm...you don't live with me. hahaha. I am the picture of calm, but inside I am in chaos. hahaha.

August 10, 2010 at 12:47 AM  
Blogger AiringMyLaundry said...

I wake up saying, "I'm going to be calm today," and it really never goes well.

August 10, 2010 at 1:28 AM  
Blogger Angelica said...

I hope your calmness rubs off on me! Lots of craziness going on around here.

August 10, 2010 at 2:13 AM  
Blogger Mrs4444 said...

Many, many times (in my old classroom with severe students) I saw myself on video in the classroom, and I always marveled at how calm, cool, and collected I seemed on the outside, when in fact, I was often freaking out inside! So, I could relate to this post :)

August 10, 2010 at 4:01 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I think I really needed to read this post. It's like you went back, dug it up JUST. FOR. ME. I have been freaking out lately. I actually had to leave my house Sunday after a freakout that I had just to clear my mind. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or the fact that I'm not home with my kids during the day anymore, but I needed to read that whether I freak out or not... the situation will still remain.

Thank you for this post!

August 10, 2010 at 1:58 PM  
Blogger Alexandra said...

Oh, so very cute. I don't know why ppl say that about me,too, when, inside I'm screaming banshee!!!

P.S. thank you for always visiting Perfect Welcome. You are such a good person.

August 10, 2010 at 7:17 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

That's pretty dang awesome that you "appear" calm. Whether you are or not, is another matter! :P

August 10, 2010 at 10:35 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I need some of your calm...although it's developing SLOWLY but surely. That's pretty funny that Bear was dancing on the stage at Chuck E Cheese, I always wanted to get up there too when I was a kid...LOL!! Good for you for handling it calmly though!!!

August 11, 2010 at 8:53 AM  

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