Things They Can't Say: Mama Wants This
Meet Alison, the incredibly supportive and friendly blogger from Mama Wants This:
I Can't Say This On My Blog Or In Real Life
I have two brothers. Which means I have two sisters-in-law.
By and large, I have nothing against them. My sisters-in-law that is.
However, there are a few things I wish I could say to them. But I can't, and I probably never will.
So I'll tell you, the Internet, instead.
Here goes. *gulp*
Sister-in-Law #1,
I Can't Say This On My Blog Or In Real Life
I have two brothers. Which means I have two sisters-in-law.
By and large, I have nothing against them. My sisters-in-law that is.
However, there are a few things I wish I could say to them. But I can't, and I probably never will.
So I'll tell you, the Internet, instead.
Here goes. *gulp*
Sister-in-Law #1,
Please stop inviting me to your daughter's birthday parties. I love my niece, but I hate parties. I hate parties that are held in places where getting there will take me an hour, finding a parking spot will take me even longer, and having to hang out with your friends will probably make me want to throw cake at someone.
Please don't pretend to chat with me online, only to ask me for favors, such as helping you out at events your company organizes. I have an idea, why don't you PAY someone to take event photographs for you?
Please eat more, you're almost two-dimensional. Rest assured, you're skinnier now than before you had your child.
Please don't change plans last-minute when we've already made plans weeks before. I have a toddler who's a routine junkie, and any changes throws us both off.
Your Husband's Sister
Sister-in-Law #2 (to-be but what's the difference?),
Please don't tell everyone I'm organizing your wedding. I am not. I merely said I'll do what I can, while sitting on the couch. That means Googling for information and sending that to you. Period.
Please don't ask for my suggestions on your wedding dress when you keep shooting them down.
Please don't presume my business is your business, and blab stuff to my mother, when I specifically told you not to.
Please don't talk about me or my husband behind my back to my parents and cousins. I thought we were friends?
Please don't go crying to my brother and making it all about you, when it's not. I have a right to be mad when you go blabbermouth on me, after you said you wouldn't.
Your Former Friend
*For the record, I'm still very civil to my sisters-in-law. I repress my resentment and anger, letting it bubble over, then spilling it all out on someone else's blog. You'll still love me, right?*
Please leave some comment love here for Alison and then go follow her blog Mama Wants This. You can also find her on facebook and on twitter.
Please leave some comment love here for Alison and then go follow her blog Mama Wants This. You can also find her on facebook and on twitter.
Labels: guest post, things they can't say
posted by Shell at
7:00 AM
85 Comments:
LOL - With your amazing taste - you should plan weddings! Love seeing you here sweet friend.
Thank you for the early morning dose of laughter. Found this blog while cruising through some other blogs. Followed you both on GFC!
I'm sure that felt great :)
My SIL bugs the heck outta me - most days. I wish she didn't, but she soooo does. Ugh.
Oh Alison, that's so hard! Family stuff can just be...icky. Love the letter format and so happy to see you here! xo
They both keep you hopping! They are so lucky to have you.
"Please don't talk about me or my husband behind my back to my parents and cousins. I thought we were friends?"
But it's ok for you to talk about them behind their back in front of the whole world? They thought you were friends.
These are not things you 'can't' say. These are things that you have been taught not to say aloud, for politenesses sake, and so that we can all get on with our lives without being constantly critized by other people.
I hope they can forgive you.
I just recently got a sister in law and she is 2000 miles away so I am a bit jealous that they are close enough and a big enough part of your daily life that they annoy you.
Family, the soap opera we get to live day in and day out!
Hang in there Alison!
And as for "my honest answer", sometimes we do have to let the truth out, for the sake of our own sanity. I'm hoping that what Alison wrote today is the springboard for the conversations that need to happen with her sister in laws.
The truth hurts, but so does holding it in.
Hope you feel better spilling it out on Shell's blog. I have tonnes to say about my sister-in-law too but I guess there are things in life that's better left unsaid. I shall forever hold my peace and explode one day ;)
Alison, I hope you feel a little better now that you got that out.
Family is so tricky. Not saying anything makes you feel bad, but opening your mouth can make waves. I've been thee many times. I'm glad you can at least be civil.
Alison, you sound just like me...With all the repressing, now I just have to find someone else's blog to spill my guts. ;)
Way to put it out there Alison! You are a guest post machine gal. I have two sister in laws as well and they couldn't be more different from each other. Glad you got this off your chest!
OH I totally get the holding it back for saving family relationships but you got to have someplace to vent right..
I'm so sorry for you! My SILs are awesome. Possibly because they exist only in my head, but I think I deserve at least part of the credit.
So glad taht you could get it all out! I have 3 SiLs and they each but the crap out of me. I love them all dearly but they still can piss me off faster than anyone else. I would love to spill my guts out somewhere but 2 of them cyber stalk me.
Hopefully you can figure out how to nicely tell them what you are feeling. It is hard to keep things bottled up inside. I know. It can eat you up inside. At least you could get this out.
:) Oh I Have a list to say to my sister in law too...funny how we all have something like that!
That was mild compared to what I might say if I wrote an in-law post! Glad you got it off your chest, very tactfully I might add!!
Great idea. You were very nice, I thought. If I was to write a letter/post to my SIL it would have to be on one of those sites that encourage swearing.
Nice to see you here--cheers!
My Sister in law's are great, it's my Sister I would love to say some things to. (LoL)
Shell, might link this one. :)
YES!! *doing fist pump* My sisters-in-law drive me completely nuts, too, and I have THREE of them. Back when I used to feel it was necessary for us to get together for birthdays and major holidays I'd always start drinking well before the event - I dreaded all of it. Now we don't get together at all and it's great! Truly, large family gatherings with people you don't like are over-rated.
The thing about sibling in laws is that we want to fight with them just like our sibs but it's harder because we weren't BORN fighting with them. Hang in there!
LOL! Thank God I don't have to deal with sister-in-laws yet! (Just my husbands.. and they're okay.. they're not married to MY brothers! HA!)
Oh sister-in-laws! Both of mine live out of state--I'll count my blessings. Lol! Though they might be the one's venting about me. I'm no picnic. :)
I have THREE sisters-in-law. When Bill first brought me home to meet his mother and all of his sisters, I was terrified of FOUR women who loved him and would judge me - I figured I'd never ever live up to what they thought was "good enough" for their Billy.
I got lucky, though. They are wonderful. And the best part? Three of them live on the other side of the country.
So.
(p.s. Your SIL's won't find this post through your own blog? Fingers crossed! And I'll get your skinny one a sandwich.)
Oh my WORD! It must feel great to let these things off your chest, Alison. Hang in there!
well clearly this is the route I should have taken when I was angry with my sister in law. I spilled it ALLLLL on my blog and got caught ding ding ding round 1 LOL
I adore my SIL beyond words, but this would be a great forum for my MIL letter...
I think the second one sounds worse, because she is doing things that could problems within your family and betraying a friendship :(
Make your cupcakes for the first one ;)
Here's hoping they read your blog and know exactly which is which (or witch? Hard to say)!
I have one fabulous sister in law and I have one sister in law who I literally believe to be the anti-Christ. She is so psychotic I nearly took a retraining order out on her in May of 2010.
Love to you. And while I encourage you to be a peacemaker, I also encourage you to be bold. You do not have to be a doormat--you do have to love.
I get along with my sister-in-law, thankfully. She picks on my husband too much sometimes, but that's his battle and he doesn't seem to care.
The good thing about reading this with an outsider's perspective is that it looks like you can solve several of these things!
(skip if you don't want unsolicited advice)
With SIL #1 - don't go to the parties & if she tries to change plans last minute, be honest & say that won't work for y'all. With SIL #2 - stop telling her anything & stop offering her suggestions for her wedding.
Sorry it's stressing you out and I hope you can set some boundaries with them soon. It will help you out tremendously.
I love that you were able to get these things out! Sometimes blogging can be a helpful forum to vent and share. ;)
SN:My husband is an only child, and after reading this, I am extra glad. =)
That just sucks. I'm lucky to have 3 great sisters in law and an awesome sister. Of course, we all do things that drive each other nuts. Especially my one sister in law. Sometimes you have to wonder where people come up with the stuff they do.
I have (one of) the world's worst sister-in-laws. I despise her, but I have to play nice at all family gatherings. It stinks.
I can understand why they want/need you..I'm mean you're YOU. But my SILs drive me crazy too. Thank you, while I will never put it up on my own blog, I will write the letters and get out the ICK out of my brain.
Of course I still love you....you're awesome :)
Man! Those are great. I sure wish I could send letters to my three sisters in laws. Some people are lucky enough to have really great relationships, some don't. (I am one of those people)
Dear Alison!!!
I hear you and know how you feel! I have to sister in laws, one I hardly ever talk to her.. she lives in another country and the other one (soon to be ex sister in law) well, what can I say, I just hope that I never come face to face with her again becuase she is not going to like it!!
Be Strong!!!
Jess
Girl In Shoes
OMG. Alison - are you me? Because that's kind of my life too. My first SIL and my brother have six - SIX - children. They invite me to all their parties, one hour away. That is just too many birthday parties.
A page in my life.
I won't leave the details here, but JUST TRUST ME.
As far finding A here today, I LOVE HER.
She is like no other: Helps without expecting a thing in return.
She is incredible and has made an impression on me.
I can't say enough about her, or thank her enough.
I wish all good things to come Alison's way: because a more authentic, truer person, you'd be hard pressed to find.
I just am so glad to have met her.
Great to see you here Alison!
I enjoyed reading this and I'm sure it was quite cathartic! ;)
I don't have any sister in laws yet but I will have 2 at some point. I'm hoping they aren't PITAs.
I don't have any sister-in-laws and I won't . . . well unless my sister decides that she is a lesbian and leaves her husband for a gal. That being said, my sister's husband is a total ass-hat!
Jenn
Ugh. I am sorry for you! My SIL is my husband's sister (I am an only child) and luckily, she does NONE of these things. She does, occasionally, get offended or mad about stupid stuff, but don't we all. :)
I have 2 sisters-in-law and they are both PITA's. Then again, so are my own siblings. And my parents. Obviously I struck out in the family department. ;)
Oh with boldness like that, I have to go and check her out. Hahaha.
Oh SIL 2 would make me so mad! And #1 sounds like someone you just want to smack.
I LOVE my husband's sisters. My brothers wives are hit and miss. One who most of my family can't stand- but I am always the one defending her.
That has to feel good to get that off the chest even if they won't ever read it.
My sister-in-law and my very own flesh and blood brother "unfriended" me, my husband and our kids on facebbok over the summer and I still don't even know why. (the excuse was lame) Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she's CRAZY! But I can't say that on my blog either.
Two of my favorites in one place!! Love it!!
I have in-laws that I'd like to tell off too ;)
SIL #2 sounds like a real pain. If only you could pick your sibling's spouses. My brother is only 20 but his girlfriend of 3 (or 4?) years is a real sweetie. It's early, but I wish he'd marry her :p
Go on, girl! I could say lots about my MIL, although I love my SIL (hub's brother's wife) and my BIL (sister's husband).
"My honest answer", a little harsh maybe? I thought "pour your heart out" is supposed to be supportive?
I love this post and think you did a great job at expressing yourself without coming across as rude. SIL relationships can be tough. Period. I've learned that the best approach is to be cordial, but draw the line when it needs to be drawn.
Oh, the SIL stories I could tell. Unforunately, my SIL reads my blog. I need to find a place to blog anonymously...much cheaper than hiring a therapist!
Ahhh in-laws. I really can't stand my brother-in-law and I'm pretty sure my husband feels the same way about my sister. Good to know that we didn't marry the families.
No one is perfect. We all know that but sometimes taking one more swallow of holding it back is enough to make us gag. Its good to get it out every once in a while. On a blog where you can get people's comments is a good place to start. It helps you understand that you are not alone!
Love this. There are so many things I can’t say to people right now that it’s just insane. That second SIL (future) sounds like a pain...or maybe she just sounds like a bride...or both?
Alison - you're one of the nicest, sweetest people I know...and sometimes things NEED to be said.
You did it with class and tact.....Bravo!
Oh, honey, I feel you. I have 4 sisters-in-law and one particularly crazy ex-sister-in-law. It's so hard to hold your tongue sometimes!!!
Glad you could let it all out here! Sometimes families can be difficult and in laws even more difficult.
after reading all of the comments, most of them bothered me and I will tell you why in a moment; but the one that really caught my eye was "my honest answer".
In the first place you do not need a gazillion women telling you that what you feel is right or wrong. You feel what you feel. What is wrong with telling the first sister in law that you dislike birthday parties and will be happy to bring the gift over the day before or the day after. The second one, well, my dear; do you really think that they don't know how you really feel? Sure they do, they can see the look in your eyes and the tone of your voice. Man errrr woman up here girl and tell them straight on how you feel. No need to get nasty about it but tell them that what they want you to do just doesn't work for you. Thats all, thats it. No excuses no regrets. If it were me, I would not get into a pissing contest with sil #2. Now you know not to tell her anything at all personal. Believe me you will feel liberated and not guilty for having these feelings. You have a right to feel as you feel as do they.
Now back to "My honest answer", for cripes sake she was trying to get ata girls and not slapped for being truthful about her feelings. No names were named. Try not to be so critical.
Love a good vent!! My Honest Answer has it wrong. THe SIL badmouthed her to people who knew her, are related to her, in her close life. BIG difference from venting very anonymously on a blog. No names. Nothing to indicate that anyone would know who she is talking about. Big difference!
And if your SIL doesn't bug a little bit, then your world also consists of rainbows, butterflies and unicorns pooping rainbows : )
Aw, I feel ya. I'm envious of people who have normal relationships with their SILs and don't constantly wish their husbands had been only children.
I think the universe balanced out my aggravating MIL with a wonderful SIL, but I do get the in-law frustration, completely. I also get the need to say things out here in the internet because it does help when other people say, "yes, I've felt that way, too." Because for the record? I totally get the birthday party thing! My boys are routine junkies, too. Sorry that a negative comment here then prompted a whole bunch of ick. I hope you can hear the "we're here with you" messages within.
Oh girl, I think so many of us can relate. One of the silver linings of my divorce was realizing I never had to speak to his sister again. I *might* have lifted my hands to the heavens and said, "Thank you!"
Goodness is C.J. up there one of your relatives Alison?
One thing I like about blogging is the supportive community. I don't write about my personal feelings and how I really feel to get my hand slapped, because that is a form of virtual repression.
I'm not saying we should all blow smoke up eachother's MacBooks, but I think in the spirit of blogging - just listening and then making a comment that lets the blogger know she was heard is enough. Sheez.
Alison! I'm so impressed! That took real courage! I have SO much I'd love to say to my husband's side of the family (because they are all literally fucking nuts) but I have to admit, I don't think I'll ever do it. Unless there's a safe anonymous place for my rantings. Then maybe. After a couple of martinis ;)
Alison, I never knew that you had this side to you...and I am in love with it.
I don't like to air dirty laundry on my blog...but that's why no one in my family knows that I blog...which is why I can and do air dirty laundry.
You can always come play at my place if you want.
There is no censor there ;)
I'm grimacing for you...eek. I hope that felt good!! It should have!
OF COURSE I still love you. Duh! You're like, ALISON.
Whoever abuses your goodwill or bad-mouths you? Will have me to answer to.
Gosh it must be tough feeling all those things and not being able to share it. You must be feeling a lot lighter now...
I hope things get better for you guys! Family issues are so hard.
Good for you Alison! I'm glad you were able to get that out there. I have fantastic SIL's but I could write a friggin book on the things I wish I could say to my MIL!!
Alison, it's times like these when I wish I could high five people on the face through the internet, because those girls DESERVE it! Do they not know what a CATCH you are????????
Family drama is hard. I totally get it. Hence we are an island in our little neck of the woods here in TX.
This ROCKS. I love that you put something honest and blunt out there. Of course I still love you. I kind of want to smack them, though.
"You're almost two dimensional." Haha!
I'm lucky to be blessed in the SIL department. Sorry to say I can't say the same for my husband. ;)
great idea to post this here, and Im glad you poured your heart out and were honest. Helps you feel better to just see it written out, and then validated when people say " yeah thats rude, Id be pissed too!" Great to see you guest posting here!
Good for you! And funny ;) There are so many things I couldn't even say here...!
Wow! You've got guts! Your post made me laugh. Will the SIL's ever read your blog or hop on over here at Shell's?
You are so cute, even when you vent! Suppose the good news is you only have two SIL ;)
I had no idea you had brothers! I bet it felt good to get this all off your chest. (Bravo for not even half-attempting to answer these 80 comments. I'm so proud)
Nice to meet you Allison!! I happen to have a sis-in-law, and I don't think to highly on some of her behavior either!! I will definately check out your site and I hope that you find the time to pop over to mine!!
Lynn
I have 2 brother-in-laws. They aren't any better, believe me:)
oh honey. I get along fairly well my my 2 SILs also, but sometimes (often around holidays and birthdays) there are some SERIOUS things I'd like to say to them... and can't. I'm sorry yours pull that crap on you, totally not cool. does your husband have sisters?? ;) XOXO
Alison, I just love you even more now...
I totally missed this Friday! Congrats girl for being featured here!
And really, dontcha hate it when you open up about something and bring out angry comments?
I know how supportive you are - I've seen it first hand.
Good, honest post.
Oh, I do love me some Alison and it was nice to see her here today. That's so hard with families... but SIL's (I've heard) always take the cake where drama is concerned. Hope things work out in the end and at least you have a place to come to vent!
It would have been great to get at least one gem for a SIL, but the reality is, it is really hard to have perfect in-laws. My patience is directly related to my energy level.
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