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Today's post was previously published on this blog about two years ago. When I had about 10 readers. I was thinking about what a frightening parenting moment this was and thought it was PYHO-worthy, so I'm recycling it, with just a few edits.
It started out innocently enough.
Three moms, hanging out at a park in the middle of nowhere with their five children. Me, massively pregnant(2 weeks from giving birth to my 3rd baby) and taking care of Bear(about to turn 2) and Monkey(3.5).
Monkey was playing with his friends, while Bear happily played on the bleachers.
Lots of talk between the moms.
Suddenly...
WHERE DID BEAR GO???????
No real panic at first.
There are lots of places for him to be, after all.
On the baseball field.
Over on the playground.
By the bathrooms.
On the football field.
Near the picnic pavilions.
Trying to get a snack out of the truck.
He has to be here somewhere.
He was right there.
We were all maybe 10 feet away from where he was playing.
None of us saw him leave.
He has to be here somewhere.
We corralled the other kids and started to call for him...a child who doesn't say much and rarely responds even in normal situations.
We look everywhere.
But, we can't see him anywhere.
Panic creeps into my voice and the baby in my belly starts frantically kicking in empathy.
A car comes down the deserted road, driving slowly.
I make a mad dash towards it.
Maybe they've seen my son
.Maybe they took my son.
Oh, God, let my baby boy be okay.
Calls for him become more and more frantic.
We discover what is beyond the cluster of trees that border the park.
A rapidly rushing river.
Panic.
Bear, who has no fear of water.
Oh, dear Lord, don't let him be in the river.
Let him be okay.
Don't let me lose my little boy, 3 days before his second birthday.
Where is my Bear?
Heart, keep beating.
Baby in my belly, stay there.
Mommy will calm down soon, just as soon as she finds your brother.
The world is starting to spin.
My friends, telling me to calm down, that we will find him.
Calm down, think of the baby, now is not the time to go into labor.
How could I have lost him?
I was right there, how is it possible that I didn't see him leave?
"I FOUND HIM!" comes a yell from one of the other moms.
He somehow managed to open and close the gate to the ballfield, tricking us into thinking he couldn't have gone that way. He was behind the concession stand, where we couldn't see...about 20 feet away from the rushing river.
Three and a half years later and my heart still pounds, thinking about that day.
I have not returned to that park since then.
Not that it is the park's fault.
But, I don't think I could return without having a panic attack from the memory.
Labels: pour your heart out
108 Comments:
Crap. Shell. I'm trying to link up and read quick before work and now I don't even think I'm going to be able to concentrate all day. This is my worst fear. I know it could happen to any of us. Also - you totally rock as a person for PYHO that you have the same fears / experiences as others. Because it makes you totally awesome.
This is so weird because I just wrote about the same kind of thing except this happened only yesterday. With my 12 year old. Cannot imagine it happening when one of them were only 2!
I think few of us escape parenting young children without a moment like this. Fortunately for most of us, it usually turns out fine. Mine was when I came out and found The Girl playing on the train tracks... I'd never told her not too... I just assumed she knew... and she didn't!
No thanks...don't what to experience that. Maybe I'll invest in a child leash...JK. We will just stay away from the park. Guess it could happen anywhere. There is a fine line of wanting to protect our children, yet allow them to grow and experience things themselves. Maybe it is more for our protection. I choose to not walk in fear, although I cannot control being in the moment, which might be fearful. Do I sound confused? Yep, I do to myself. Thanks for sharing Shell.
What an experience. My heart was pounding too reading this. I 'lost' my son for a mere 10 minutes once when he was playing behind a car, out of our view - It was an agonizing, hellish 10 minutes.
JDaniel hid last week without telling me we were playing hide and seek. It was so scary to not be able to find him.
I can't imagine being in a park setting. Thankfully JDaniel tends to explore and hide at home.
A scary scenario most parents have been through. Even worse than the event itself, living with the what ifs.
Geesh.... I can only imagine how you felt! And I don't blame you for not going back to the park either!
My son is wanderer and love to check everything out around him. The opposite of his sisters who were content to just sit and play.
When we go to the park it's a work out! I follow him every where he goes.
Oh honey. I understand. I have a story from when I was 2 weeks from gving birth to my second that involves a park I never went back to. Will have to write about that for PYHO one day!
Those are the scariest moments! I think we, unfortunately, have all had one. I am definitely glad you found him and totally understand not returning. Sometimes some places just just you a bad feeling after something like that.
Have a great day Shell!
Shell, I remember reading this for the first time and my heart is still in my throat! So scary!
Question is...have you gone back since?
I can only imagine how you felt! Look at you know--from 10 followers to everybody's favorite girl! Congrats!
UGH! The worst feeling ever. Sorry you had to endure that.
That is the worst feeling. When my youngest stepson was about 8, he disappeared at the Air and Space Museum in DC. It felt like forever that we frantically looked for him. Thank goodness he was old enough to go to a security guard and tell him he was lost. It's a feeling you never, ever forget.
I had a moment like that in the library the other day. Right outside the library are three streets; no parking lot but three streets. I glanced down for a minute at checkout at street level and my little one was not there. I tore through our peanut sized library pretty darn quick to find her (at 22 months then) playing a game of "hiding" from mommy! Little stinker! I was so happy to have her in my arms. It was only a moment, not nearly as long as what you describe, but every worst case scenario flashed through my head. Having this intense of a love is awesome and terrifying at the same time!
So, so scary! My boy has run off, too. He wasn't much older than Bear. The "what ifs" are the worst and I don't blame you for not going back to that park.
OMG!! :( i totally don't blame you for not going back to that park! how flippin scary!! :( :( :( i'm so glad he's okay, but man!
So so scary. I am glad that you found him.
This brings back the memories i have of Buster darting out in the parking lot last year. Just that complete sick to your stomach feeling. ((HUGS))
Oh my God, Shell! That feeling in the pit of your stomach is the worst, and those "what if's". The unknown, often far worse then the reality.
I'm so glad he was okay, and I too don't think I could have returned to the park either.
Oh shell, my heart was racing the whole time I read this! Hugs, mama. Whew. Wow. Terrifying.
Just reading your post brought on that panic filled feeling! Losing a child is so frightening...all of a sudden we see dangers everywhere that we didn't notice so much when they were safely by our side.
Thanks for sharing this. So real!
**PS We called our youngest son Bear also! :)
I am terrified with Jellybean playing at home and all the what if's - It just gets harder and harder as they get older and more independent. Eeek!
This is terrifying. Losing sight of your child for even 10 seconds can bring on that frantic, crazy worry. It is so, so easy for kids to slip away unnoticed. It is impossible to keep eyes on them 24/7 so moments like this are bound to happen. I'm glad your story ended well.
Oh my god, how scary! *hugs*
You had me scared just reading that! That would have been terrifying. I am so glad everything was ok!
Oh, that is a horrible memory/event. It had a happy ending so I guess it isn't too bad, but yikes!! I freak out just reading it.
My daughter, who is terrible at hide and seek, will every now and then find the perfect hiding spot, in or out of the house. And I think I die a little every time that happens. Sure, she only ever escaped one time, but one time was enough!
I absolutely HATE that type of panic. And it has happened to me too. It puts into perspective the idea of the "child leash" and why some mom's choose to use them doesn't it?
I was terrified reading this, though I knew Bear ended up found. How scary! I almost lost Dylan one time, and it was the same thing, where he went in somewhere he shouldn't have been able to push the door open :(
Oh Shell! That's scary. I'd never be able to go to that park again either.
We had an attempted car jacking at home depot. I always feel panic-ey when we're near the store exit where it happened.
Total chills. And it really could happen so easily to any one of us. I am SO happy nothing happened to Bear.
OMG how scary. HOW FREAKING SCARY. I am so happy everything was okay.
OH GOOD GOD. well told and I am shivering thinking about this feeling now! There aren't words for that panic; you did a great job describing that fear!
Well, after reading my post, you know how I feel about this one!
I'm SO glad he was okay. This was intense. I held my breath while I read it!
Oh my gosh, my heart was pounding right along with yours just reading this! This is a huge fear of mine too - the wandering-away kid in public. We did it tons of times to my mom, and now I know how she felt. I know I will freak out immediately if it happens to me.
Definitely a Mother's worst nightmare! Glad things came out ok. And speaking of, did you go into labor with all the stress?
It is heart-stopping how quickly they can move out of sight. I don't think I could go back to that park after that, either.
P.S. Only ten readers two years ago? Isn't this a crazy blogging journey you've been on?!
Oh My God! That is SUPER terrifying!
I'm glad that everything turned out fine! (as I'm sure you are as well!)
Oh Shell...my heart is pounding in fright for you! absolutely the worst moments for a mom....and we have all been there.
Me? Ikea. Do you know big an Ikea store is, especially when looking for a 2 1/2 year old? Course, only natural he had climbed up into one of the display bunkbeds. and yeah, we bought the bed. Just pretended he was checking it out in the first place.
That's so so scary. Terrifying. Glad he headed for the ball field!
We had a few frightening, catch-your-breath times like that too. You never forget it.
Will give my guys an extra hug today, in Bear's honour. : )
@writewrds
I can't even imagine. It's hard when they're so little because they can be very good at not being seen.
I have totally had those moments. It's terrifying.
We had a similar thing happen with our son. We even had to call the police because we couldn't find him. Luckily, he was fine and a miscommunications lead to the scare. I'm glad Bear was found safe and sound too.
My heart is pounding just reading this . . .
Not too long ago, I had the two of my kids with me at the toddler park. There's a little "music station" there that my two love to head into and bang on things (because they make fun noises). Well, the girl decided she wanted to leave to go to the slide, and I followed her out, keeping as much of an eye on the boy, who wasn't done banging yet.
Then, somebody came into the park (we were all alone until then) and just walked around. A single guy, walking around a toddler park for any length of time is, well, a bit odd. So I had half an eye on Leila. And half an eye on CJ, and I kept my eye on that guy....
And I lost track of CJ just for a moment. He left the station & walked toward the balance beam, but I assumed he was still in the station . . . so I have my girl looking at me, perplexed, because I'm normally cheering her, loudly as she goes down the slide, as I freak out looking into the music station to find it empty and I start panicking that the guy walking around was simply there as a lark to get my attention away . . .
I hate thinking evil thoughts.
That moment when your stomach drops and the dread creeps up your spine? It's the most frightening moment in the world.
So glad your story had a happy ending!
Oh, Shell, my heart's still pounding for you, too!
There is absolutely nothing worse than that fear. Nothing. So glad you caught him before something awful happened.
It just takes 2 seconds and they're gone. They're magicians that way.
OMG HOW SCARY! I can't even imagine! I have thankfully not gone through anything like this but I'm sure there is time to still experience it although I pray I never do! ahhh thsi seriously has me freaked out!
You gave me an attack just reading about it and I knew you had to have found him in order to still have today. Whew.
You seriously just described my wort fear. I know this sounds insane but I have some serious anxiety about every losing my son. I"m so glad everything and everyone turned out okay. I don't think I could return to the park either.
Oh so glad this had a happy ending. My heart started pounding just reading it! And yeah, I don't think I could go back to that park either
It's so scary! I've been there with Sissy. I lost her at an Incredible Pizza before!... which is like a Chuck E. Cheese on steroids! My body shook the rest of the day as it shook me to the core! Glad you little boy was ok!
I had goosebumps on my arms as I read through that and I was scared for you!
I read a post of a similar experience on another blog last night - I can't imagine that fear that creeps up within you...oh my!
Not too long ago, I thought The Boy (2) had made his way outside and I was panicked. Then I heard a giggle. He was hiding in his room, behind the curtains. Little bastard. Longest 30 seconds ever. Love him, though.
GAH! Soooo scary!
When I was 7mo pregnant w/#2, my 3yo dove under a display table at a department store - the round ones that have the table cloth over them. I bent down to get the cell phone that had fallen into the bottom of the stroller (the stroller that he REFUSED to sit in) and when I looked up he was gone. I was angry at first, thinking he had gone around the corner to the other side of the shoe isle. After looking in the immediate area and not finding him, I started to panic. I had that spinning moment when I stood there and my eyes darted around to all the exits and I wondered if I should call the police. I started yelling his name louder and louder - people were giving me strange looks, but not one person asked if they could help. I seriously thought I was going to go into labor right there. Finally, I decided to go to the back of the store where there were some toys - I thought maybe he had gone back there. As soon as I turned the corner I heard little feet running after me. He had been watching from under the table and when he saw me leave, he ran after me. He was laughing and I was bawling. As soon as he saw my tears, his face dropped and he was upset. I hugged him for the longest time. It was months before I stopped having bad dreams about it and YEARS before I went in that store again... and now I can kinda half laugh about it and tell him he was such a little shit when he was that age. ;)
That was a terrifying experience. I had a similar one, but it was both my kids lost - in my back yard. Panic is not a fun feeling. Thank God it turned out okay though.
How frightening! I think that is every mom's worst nightmare. I'm so glad it turned out well. When my 15-year-old Princess was 15 months old she drowned in the bathtub. She spent a couple of days in the ICU and thankfully had no lasting effects from the experience. I'm always nervous when my little ones are around water.
Sandy
G-d, I can't breathe just reading this! Whew. Thank goodness he was OK. I would have burst into tears once I found him!!
Shell, My belly was aching, my head was thumping and my heart was racing while reading this post. I am so glad that you decided to recycle this. I know I get super comfy when I am with a group of moms and our friends and we take for granted that we are all safe and your reminder that it only takes a second for our lives to change forever was just what I needed.
Thank you!!
SO scary! We have a code for a lost child in the VERY large store where I work. We have 2 or 3 every weekend. Our staff is really well trained and the child is ALWAYS found within moments. But I absolutely can not function until they find the child and call the code off--and it isn't even my kid.
Oh, I have chills! That is so scary!! I'm so glad everything turned out okay!
On another note, this was exceptionally well written. Truly. XO
I don't blame you for not going back to that park, Shell! That was a truly terrifying experience I'm sure. I am thankful that there is a happy ending to the story!
Just this past summer my sister and I most my nephew at an amusement park. H ewas gone only a minute but my heart was racing. And seeing that moment when the terror hit my sister's face, is something I don't ever want to relive.
So scary! Im always hovering over my kids because losing one has always been a HUGE fear of mine. Well, its probably a huge fear for any mom! But ever since I had the twins I have always worried that I was somehow going to lose one.
Im glad you found him and he was ok! Um, obviously. =)
Oh, my heart is beating fast from reading that post!! So, so glad you found your sweet boy!
Oh Shell....even knowing you found him and this happened long ago, my heart was in my throat for you. I wouldn't go back to that park either. Your words were so vivid and raw, but goodness I needed to start breathing again when I was done, I was holding me breath through it. Xoxoxo
I lost my son once. He was so fast. He sprinted away when I turned away for a moment. It was the scariest couple of minutes of my life.
This is my worst fear. I know it happens to every parent at some point and it usually results in no harm done, but I can't even think about it without feeling like someone's standing on my chest. Which is exactly how I felt reading your post. How completely terrifying for you.
Oh man. I know that feeling.Little Man walked away from me in our Military Exchange here on base (probably one of the safest places he could go since everyone knows whose child he is). But I couldn't find him. Couldn't hear him. Couldn't see him. So, when you describe that sense of panic, I know all to well what you were feeling. Glad you found him. :)
Had my daughter disappear in an instant this weekend in a store, she ran off, and got quite a ways away from us, we found her within a minute, but man that was a long long time. Can't imagine a park, with a river, shudder. We really do wear our hearts outside of our bodies don't we?
Can I tell you, you had my heart pounding, too
This happened to me, right by a creek.
I cry just remembering it.
Xavier was almost 2, and had gone to play inside some bushes, near the swingset at the park.
AWFUL TIMES.
My heart was beating fast just reading this. This is my biggest fear, having 3 small children, that one of them will get away when I'm not looking.
scary!!
I know how scary this is. I've had mine run off and have to look around for them. The worst was the time my eldest was 7 months. We were shopping and he was in the cart. My hubby came and took him out when my back was turned and walked far enough away that I couldn't see them. TG I spotted them just as I was about to panic.
That is so terrifying! My worst nightmare!
Wow, Shell! How scary! I totally get why you don't want to go back to that park. So sorry you had to experience this. One of my worst nightmares!!!
This is my worst fear, I don't blame you for never wanting to go back to that park.
I've lost one of my kids for just a couple minutes and that's scary, but the river would have terrified me too. I pray for safety daily with my kiddos and just hope God is listening. :)
Yikes! I feel your anxiety about this. We once lost AJ in Walmart. Couldn't find him for several minutes (or it felt). We told an empoyee and they had to call a "code Adam" telling every other employee a child is missing. You feel so out of control. AJ just had this penchant for hiding in the clothes racks. He probably got disoriented and scared and didn't know what to do. Gawd. Scared the crap out of me!
Oh my goodness! I am a bit anxious just reading your story. I think that fear is something we can all relate to.
Also, I feel a bit like my post was just whiney after reading yours. Glad your little one ended up okay!
Oh my, Shell.
Scary beyond words.
I think every parent has had that panic moment, but to discover he was on the other side of a gate by a river?
No wonder it sticks with you.
This is good for all mothers to see, to be reminded how quickly this can happen. Even to the very best of mothers...
So relieved your story has a safe ending.
XO
i have lost Sammy. once we were in a store and "poof" gone.15 minutes, a code adam, a state police call and me in tears we found him in the bathroom
its so scary isnt it
Oh my gosh!! That is SOOO scary!! Thank goodness he was OK, but oh my!!
Shell my heart is racing. I had this very same experience and wrote about it. I lost my oldest {when he was 3} at a museum and thought I was never going to see him again. And when you see in the moves - where the person is standing and the world is spinning around them - that's the same experience you go through. These types of moments unfortunately stay with moms forever. So glad you found your Bear :)
Oh my goodness, that would freak me out! I was freaking out just reading about your experience! That is one of my biggest fears, losing my child. I pray to God it never happens!
That would be scary!
Oh darlin' I could feel your heart poundin' in your chest. It's just the worse panicked feelin' when ya can't find your wee one!!!
I'm so happy it all turned out well.
I just wanted to thank ya for your sweet comment and hoppin' on my blog.
God bless ya and have a magnificent day sweetie!!!
oh wow that made me feel anxious!!! very scarey
Omigosh, my biggest fear. I'm so glad he was okay.
I was lost in the mall and in the mountains--yes the mountains as a child. I have lost all three of my children (separately) at one point or another at the store, the mall, Disneyland and Sea World. It is the most horrible feeling in the world. And even though I know your son was safe in the end, my heart went racing. What a scary moment.
I couldn't return to the park either. In fact, I'm nauseated just thinking about this. Oh my goodness.
I totally know how you feel. That is a terrible feeling.
I could not find my son for a minute or two (and it sounds as if your incident was much longer) and I don't go to that park now because it's so big. He wandered off a structure and went to the sandbox area that was adjacent without my seeing him.
Such a scary moment for you.
This is seriously one of my biggest fears - because seriously - it can happen to anyone. :( I'm so glad your little man is ok!
Oh, you poor mama! My heart is pounding for just reading that.
I've had my fair share of scares like that too. Not fun! Not fun at all!
Yikes!!! What a scary moment!!! Glad he was, and still is, safe & sound!!!
My son has hidden before and given me a panic attack in the process. I'm so glad that he was okay!
I would never return to this park either.
So scary..even after all this time I would never forget that moment either. Our worst fear isn't it. hugs. xoxo
That must have been SO incredibly scary! You're lucky you didn't go into labor right there!!
I can relate to that panic and frightened feeling.
So happy he was okay but yeah...you think of all the what if's and it's easy to see why you haven't returned to that park since.
I never lost any of my kids until the second set of twins was born. Since then I've lost each of them at least once. I can't even write about it. The first time made me so sick I felt like I was going to need therapy. I forced myself to push it out of my mind. 2 got out of my house (despite the fact that we have deadbolts and keep the keys in a high unreachable place) and went for a long walk! One got away in the butterfly exhibit - couldn't find her anywhere. Finally we enlisted the help of some museum workers who eventually found her. Same child escaped from the dance studio where I found her in a usually busy parking lot. And another went into the men's restroom at a restaurant but we were out combing the parking lots. And I'm pretty fanatical about keeping my kids in tow and in check, and yet it has still happened. Horrifying. And then there's water - that's a whole other topic.
That is so horrifying! I'm so glad everything turned out okay!
Oh my gosh... this is a huge fear of mine. It could happen to anyone. Lovebug is only 6 months and already a mover and a shaker. I'm so worried when she finally gets on those feet of hers. I've always said I would never put my kid on one of those leash things, but now? LOL. I can't imagine your panic. So glad he was fine and it turned out alright!
Oh, my heart dropped for you at that moment you realised he was missing. It's an awful, awful feeling.
Thanks for popping by the Fibro today.
I felt frantic just reading it!
The relief you must have felt!
We lost my son for about 20 minutes in the country. He went to see the cows and we finally found him a long way off, walking in the middle of the road. He was also 2 1/2 and I must have been pregnant too. I can relate to your panic.
My heart was pounding just reading this. I'm sorry. I think I'd be scared to go back to that park too.
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