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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: What a Mom Teaches

If you have never visited Pour Your Heart Out before, see THIS post for more information- but it's personal- it's what YOU think is pouring your heart out. Please grab the PYHO button or link back in your post if you are participating.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)


Mother's Day is this Sunday!

Usually, around this time of year, you read a lot of sweet posts about all that a mom has done for someone.

But, for some of us, we took what we learned from our moms and used it as an example of what not to be.

My mother believed that boys' needs should always come ahead of girls'. What they wanted to do, getting served meals, their wants ruled.

And so I learned to stand up for myself and say hey, I'm important, too.

My mother weighed herself every day and would fast if she had gained even a pound.

And so I learned that the numbers on a scale aren't important: I go by the feel of my clothes.

My mother thought it was okay to lie and backstab to get her way, all in the name of "wanting what is best for someone."

And so I learned that my integrity is much more important than getting my way.

My mother would lie and say one of her ideas came from someone else because she was afraid that someone wouldn't like her idea.

And so I learned to be proud of my own ideas and be willing to voice them.

My mother gossips about everyone and everything to everyone she talks to.

And so I learned that secrets are for keeping and to be careful who I share what with.

My mother judges other's choices based on how they affect her, not looking at why the decisons are being made.

And so I learned that not everything is about me and I need to see others' actions for what they are, not as a personal attack on me.

My mother's love has always been conditional and she's told me at different points in my life that I'm not her daughter any more.

And so I learned that a mother's love should be unconditional and never-ending.

You see, I could let the example that my mother gave me negatively affect me. I could let her drag me down.  I could use her as an excuse for bad behavior.

But, instead, I choose to let her serve as an example of how not to be.

Before you judge: A Glass of Other People's Problems



Anonymous Making It Work Mom said...

It is too bad that there isn't some life coach training for parents. I am truly sorry that you got such a raw deal (only now that I am a mom do I feel how important the job is). But I takes a VERY strong person to take what you had and turn it into a positive.
So no you are not "her daughter" you are your boy's mom, your husband's wife, and most importantly true to yourself.
Thanks for such a reflective PYHO.

May 4, 2011 at 7:07 AM  
Blogger Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Sorry your mom couldn't be more loving. Really sad that there are parents like that. But you took all that and made it into positives and didn't let it drag you down too. Good for you!

May 4, 2011 at 7:11 AM  
Blogger Amethyst Moon said...

Are you sure we're not sisters?!
I'm sorry you didn't know the feel of a mother's unconditional love, as I didn't either, but I know our kids do!

May 4, 2011 at 7:15 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

It is wonderful that you were able to grown and learn from her examples and not become her. ((hugs))

May 4, 2011 at 7:18 AM  
Blogger singedwingangel said...

I am telling you your mom and my mom could be related. So much behavior they have in common..I am so proud to say I call you my blog friend and that you rose above and did better then what someone tried to hold you to..

May 4, 2011 at 7:24 AM  
Blogger Brittany Ciara said...

I'm glad you were able to take her negativity & make it your positives. This is an inspirational post. High five to you for finding it in you to learn from her actions & not imitate them. xoxo

May 4, 2011 at 7:24 AM  
Blogger Tara R. said...

So many people perpetuate the cycle. It's a wise woman who can use the negatives and turn them around to make their lives and their children's lives better. Good for you and your family.

May 4, 2011 at 7:30 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

I learned many of these type of lessons from my grandmothers(both of them are no longer with us), my aunt(who I have completely cut ties with) and my sister.

I think the best we can do is learn from other's mistakes (as well as our own) and not repeat them.

May 4, 2011 at 7:36 AM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

A very honest post. Good for you for choosing to turn all of that drama into positive building blocks. Not only are you better for it, but so are your own boys!

May 4, 2011 at 7:39 AM  
Blogger Jayme said...

Good for you, Shell! You are a wonderful mom- your boys couldn't ask for anyone better :)

May 4, 2011 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger Missy (& various in Transplant blog) said...

Very good "lessons" to heed. I'm so happy that you took the negatives, and turned them in to positives.

May 4, 2011 at 7:54 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

You're brave to say this! I'm glad that you're a better mom because of it!

May 4, 2011 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

Good for you for breaking that cycle! My dad's parents and my mom's father were not good parents/grandparents at all. I never even really knew them but thank God my mom and dad didn't live by the examples set for them either.

Wonderful post, Shell.

May 4, 2011 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger myevil3yearold said...

Bravo for your pure honesty. You are a strong and wonderful mom.

May 4, 2011 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger myevil3yearold said...

Bravo for your pure honesty. You are a strong and wonderful mom.

May 4, 2011 at 8:01 AM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

It takes a strong will and a lot of determination to not continue the pattern put before us. Good for you for doing things differently!

May 4, 2011 at 8:04 AM  
Blogger angela said...

While I am so glad that you have made the choice to make different parenting decisions than your mom, I am still so sad for you that you didn't have a more supportive mother :( Conditionally loving your kids seems like a specific and awful type of torture :(

May 4, 2011 at 8:13 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

This breaks my heart. I have such a great relationship with my mom and have learned so much from her, in how to be a good mom. I'm glad you were able to learn from your mom too, and turn it into a positive.

May 4, 2011 at 8:14 AM  
Blogger Dawna said...

I'm sorry to hear of the example you were given for a mother, but I'm glad to hear that you didn't allow yourself to walk in her steps; I'm glad to hear that you learned from it and decided that was how you weren't going to be.

BIG HUGS to you!

May 4, 2011 at 8:20 AM  
Blogger amygrew said...

This is a wonderful way to view your moms "lessons." I don't know if I could be as big a person, I hope so.

May 4, 2011 at 8:36 AM  
Blogger Dysfunctional Mom said...

That's very sad that you grew up that way, and the fact that you took those lessons from that experience is something to be proud of. So many people turn out to be rotten parents and blame their childhood, but once you become and adult and parent, it's time to take responsibility for your own actions.
Some people turn out wonderful because of their parents; and some, despite their parents. Some of us have to take the good and learn from the bad and try to combine it and be our best!

May 4, 2011 at 8:44 AM  
Anonymous tracy said...

Good for you to not give that behavior a legacy. Love you. xo

May 4, 2011 at 8:51 AM  
Blogger MrsJenB said...

Just another reason to admire you for the smart, strong woman you are. Seriously, no BS. Good for you.

May 4, 2011 at 8:52 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

While you mother was by far not the best example of how a mom should be, I'm glad you were strong enough to take what you learned and turn it into something positive.

May 4, 2011 at 8:54 AM  
Blogger ModernMom said...

OH hon, we all try and do better then out mama's did. Yeah for you for being so strong!

May 4, 2011 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Sorry to hear that you have a mother like that and had to learn to rise above her behavior. Now I understand some of your other posts about family and why it is so hard for you to visit them. My mother isn't the perfect mother either and it is hard for me to recognize the good things when her bad outweighs the good a lot of the time. She set different standards for me than my brother's and it's hard t come to terms with. I'm sure that is how you feel.
Glad you were able to make something positive out of a negative situation and be different. love ya girl. xoxo

May 4, 2011 at 9:02 AM  
Anonymous Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

I agree with Tiffany above me - I love how you turned something negative into something positive!

May 4, 2011 at 9:04 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

You really have turned something negative into something positive. It just shows we all have choices on how we are going to live...no matter how we were raised!

May 4, 2011 at 9:11 AM  
Blogger mama marchand said...

Wowza! Now I understand your tweet last night ... I think plenty of people would use this as a reason to be negative, to act out, to explain away their adult behavior. But, instead, you've turned it around and used it for something good. It doesn't make it easy that you had to grow up around that behavior but, you're an awesome mom and you're doing a fabulous job!

May 4, 2011 at 9:13 AM  
Anonymous Megan (Best of Fates) said...

This is so beautiful and sweet I can't even make a joke about it.

Which has left me floundering, as joking is really my only response to any interaction.


May 4, 2011 at 9:14 AM  
Blogger Alison@Mama Wants This said...

I think it's fantastic that you did not let your childhood experience with your mother affect you adversely, and instead, plowed it into something positive. Your kids can now look at your great example and in turn, be great parents. Good stuff Shell!

May 4, 2011 at 9:14 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

It really is too bad that some moms don't see the value their children have intrinsically. I know far too many of these moms in my life.

May 4, 2011 at 9:15 AM  
Blogger Michelle Pixie said...

Sadly I have a "parent" who loved me conditionally as well. I think you can either let it define you or not. I love that you have become a better person because of it and not fallen into your own pity party, so many are not that strong. Beautifully written!

May 4, 2011 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger The Random Blogette said...

I am glad that you have learned from your mom's mistakes to make you a better mom. I am sorry that you ever had to go through that as a child. As we both know it takes more than biology to make someone a mom. My mom would've totally adopted you into our family.

Dangit! I should've used my post from yesterday for today. Now I have nothing to link up. Oh wait. I have a great one. Off to write!

HUGS to you my dear. You are an amazing mom! xoxo

May 4, 2011 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I'm sorry your mom wasn't there for you more while you were growing up. But good for you for taking all of this and turning it into a life lesson. Happy (early) Mothers Day!

May 4, 2011 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger Cindi said...

I can't imagine living a childhood like that and words don't seem to be enough so ... (((Shell)))

You are one strong, amazing woman!

May 4, 2011 at 9:44 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

You are amazing. I am sorry your mother treated you that way but I am so glad you are the strong kickass woman you are because of it. Rock on sister.

May 4, 2011 at 9:47 AM  
Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

How wonderful that you learned what you want for your children and aren't repeating the same mistakes!

You are so wise!

May 4, 2011 at 9:47 AM  
Blogger Mungee's Ma said...

I'm so sorry that your "relationship" with your mom was like that. You are a strong person for taking a negative situation and learning from it. You're a great mom to your adorable boys!

May 4, 2011 at 10:14 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I always appreciate knowing there are people in the world who have not let the crappy parts of their childhood drag them down for the rest of their lives.
Also your post is a reminder that kids see EVERYTHING and remember it!

May 4, 2011 at 10:16 AM  
Blogger The Riggs Family said...

I'm sorry to hear that your mom treated you that way growing up and that you are learning from her mistakes. My husband feels the same way about his father. His dad is/was a good example of what NOT to do as a dad.

May 4, 2011 at 10:16 AM  
Blogger Kristy @ Fried Kristy said...

Thank you for sharing! I can relate - though to a lesser degree. What a blessing that God uses the trials in our lives to refine us and make us better, if we let Him!

May 4, 2011 at 10:19 AM  
Blogger Rach (DonutsMama) said...

Wow. That was really brave of you to put this out there. Sometimes we need to see what NOT to do in order to do the right thing.

May 4, 2011 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger championm2000 said...

One of the most honest pieces I have read in a long time. As I read it, I was reminded of the inadvertent lessons my mom taught me as well. Then, I sat for a moment and thought about the lessons I may unintentional pass on to my children. Thanks for making me think.

May 4, 2011 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger Maggie S. said...

Thanks for writing this post.

May 4, 2011 at 11:07 AM  
Blogger purseblogger said...

That is so great that you are taking your mothers negative example and turning it into a positive. Happy Mothers Day!

May 4, 2011 at 11:08 AM  
Anonymous Denelle @CaitsConcepts said...

Thank you for this... it's a great reminder for me to not only keep standing up for myself in regards to my own biological mother (and by that I mean continue not speaking to her - not to cave on my principals and let her win again), but to continue trying my best to be so much better for my own children. Beautifully put.

May 4, 2011 at 11:11 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

So sorry to hear this. My relationship with my mother is very similar and it's taught me to be different with my own family.

I'm very proud that you were able to take the negativity out and use this in a good way!

May 4, 2011 at 11:36 AM  
Blogger Reagan said...


May 4, 2011 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Joann Mannix said...

Oh Honey,

We've talked about this before. I admire you every day, but I am busting out with admiration for you after this post. This was so brave of you.

And yes, I have learned how to be a mother by choosing a different path, a different style than my own mother. I could have wrapped myself up in bitterness, but I have chosen to just be better because of it.

Beautiful post. I'm with you.

May 4, 2011 at 11:39 AM  
Blogger Beth Zimmerman said...

That is so hard! I'm sorry your mom wasn't better to, and for, you. But I'm glad you used her bad example for your good and became the mom that your boys need!

May 4, 2011 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Helene said...

Shell, very powerful stuff and you know this post speaks to me on every level. I completely understand. Our mothers are two peas in a pod.

At some point, I finally realized that I can't change my mom. To this day, she still won't take any responsibility for her actions and, honestly, even a simple "I'm sorry" from her wouldn't change my opinion of her. She's had an entire lifetime to try to make amends but she hasn't.

The only thing that brings me peace is knowing that I am changing the cycle. It's tough, as you well know...I know it's a daily struggle for you, as well. Being a mother comes naturally to some but for you and I, we're constantly doing comparisons to make sure we don't repeat their mistakes.

Just continue to stand strong and know you're worthy of being loved, respected and cared for. You are nothing short of amazing and it shows through your own children.

May 4, 2011 at 11:50 AM  
Anonymous Ameena said...

Oh how I can relate...my parents' love has always been conditional as well. I am trying to break this cycle with my own daughter but really, it isn't easy!!

Great post Shell!

May 4, 2011 at 11:58 AM  
Blogger Not Just Another Jennifer said...

I was blessed with an amazing mom, but I know not everyone is that lucky. Good for you, taking negatives and making them positives. You are awesome!

May 4, 2011 at 12:00 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Good for you for seeing through her and learning from her mistakes, Shell. Powerful, real, & honest post. Bravo!

May 4, 2011 at 12:07 PM  
Blogger The Twin Spin said...

I so wish I could pour my heart out about my mom. But...she reads my blog. But I too have used her example to steer me in the opposite direction. It sounds like you have learned a lot from yours, and also learned a lot about yourself in the process. And that's priceless!

May 4, 2011 at 12:11 PM  
Blogger By Word of Mouth Musings said...

Your boys are blessed to have a Mom with such great intuition and their wives will one day be the beneficiaries of your honest values - WAY to go!
and Supah Happy Mothers day to you xxx

May 4, 2011 at 12:14 PM  
Blogger Grand Pooba said...

Wow, is it bad to say that I found this post refreshing?? I often find your pour your heart out posts refreshing because they are honest.

May 4, 2011 at 12:22 PM  
Blogger MiMi said...

Shell, this is stunning. You have become the best you could be by NOT following your mother's footsteps. Amazing!

May 4, 2011 at 12:23 PM  
Blogger Varda said...

Shell, You are amazing and inspiring, and I would say this about you even if I didn't know a little something about where you have come from.

But considering your "mothering roots" - the example that was set for you and how you have rejected that kind of parenting, have turned it around to be the kind, thoughtful mother that you are? Is beyond awesome.

And a Happy, Happy Mother's Day to you, my dear.

May 4, 2011 at 12:25 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

Very honest. Very brave.

Good job, Mama.

Your boys are very lucky.

May 4, 2011 at 12:29 PM  
Blogger The Empress said...

You and I both agree.

My mother. Well, I won't go into it here.

Let's just say that I was worth nothing to her.

Anyway: I'm with you. It won't drag me down.

I AM NOT her.

I love my children, tell them, kiss them, hug them, hear them, look at them, listen to them, take care of them.

I am OPPOSITE of what I had.

And the hardest thing?

When people with GREAT MOMS lecture ME on how I have to love my mother.

Yes, they can say that B/C they have NO idea what a life like mine was.

They can say that b/c they can't imagine not talking to their mothers.

Well, if I had mothers like them, I couldn't imagine it , either.

SO, peeps: remember, before you judge: there are TWO sides to every story.

May 4, 2011 at 12:30 PM  
Blogger ChapmansRus said...

It still amazes me to find out I'm not the only kid who had parents like this!

My mom left me to fend for myself against my dad so that my brother could get all of her undivided attention...

I've been disowned more times than I can count over stupid, minor things... or for having my own opinion about something...

I can thank them though for teaching me how to NOT parent my kids... and that's about all I can thank them for...

May 4, 2011 at 12:31 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I hate to hear bad mom stories. Everyone deserves a loving mother. My mom is great and I just can't imagine how a mother could not love her child the way my mom loves me, and the way I love my kids. I'm glad you were able to learn from her example and change what needed to be changed.

May 4, 2011 at 12:33 PM  
Blogger Tami G said...

Wow... what a great post and great inspiration of what we can do!! My mom and I had a horrible relationship also... I wasn't neglected, I just felt squashed and not important. I was ALWAYS in trouble. which pushed me away and made me rebellious! However, I know now, that my mom was just trying to protect me and we are better now.

May 4, 2011 at 12:35 PM  
Blogger Kir said...

I think a LOT of you and consider you a friend but right now I see you are even more PHENOMENAL than I could see. You are an amazing girl, an astounding woman.

I think we should all should take your lead and change the world by changing all the bad things we are taught and relearning how to be GOOD/STRONG/AMAZING people.

this post was simply incredible.

May 4, 2011 at 12:50 PM  
Blogger John said...

Oh, momma - this was so very difficult to read.

I hope, if there's one lesson that such a difficult growing up gave you, it's the power of unconditional love. Something tells me that your kids won't need to go through the same learning pattern.


May 4, 2011 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger Poppy said...

Thank God for whatever positive influences you had in your life that allowed you to flourish and realize just how wrong she was. Happy Mother's Day.

May 4, 2011 at 1:04 PM  
Anonymous Lisa Taylor said...

I identify so much with your post! I'm unable to write anything similar on my blog - because my mother read it and I just don't wanna deal with *that* :-) (Read: *more*)
I think it's great you're able to write from your heart. For many of us Mother's Day isn't all candy and roses.

May 4, 2011 at 1:11 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Shell, that is so awful! But you deserve major props for realizing, especially at such a young age, that you needed to do the exact opposite of the example that was set forth for you.

May 4, 2011 at 1:12 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Wow Shell. This is terrible. It's good to see that you decided to take the opposite path of your mother. A mother's love should never be conditional and girls deserve the same treatment as boys. You are setting a good example for your children.

May 4, 2011 at 1:28 PM  
Blogger Delenn said...

Your mom and my mom should get together. Thank you for so eloquently posting something that I can totally relate to.

May 4, 2011 at 1:47 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

I'm sure that was really, really tough to write. I am glad you did, though. I'm glad you did. Hugs to you!

May 4, 2011 at 1:55 PM  
Blogger Lourie said...

You are truly an amazing woman! I wish I could say more, but I am speechless. Thank you so much for sharing such a positive attitude.

May 4, 2011 at 2:04 PM  
Blogger Hutch said...

I love to hear about positives coming out of a negative situation!

May 4, 2011 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger crazedmama said...

Beautiful and oh, so true! Moms are not always right or perfect and we learn all sorts of things from them, good and bad!

May 4, 2011 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger Not a Perfect Mom said...

I'm the same...
I mother my children based on the opposite of what I had...
sad actually...and I'm such a pansy I would never say anything to her...as far as she's concerned she was the best mother ever...

May 4, 2011 at 2:43 PM  
Blogger Boobies said...

That's an amazing way to look at it!

I can relate!

May 4, 2011 at 2:54 PM  
Blogger m&msmommy said...

GOOD FOR YOU! I commend you SO much for taking your upbringing and making what YOU wanted out of it, regardless of how difficult it may have been. THere is nothing that drives me crazier then when a perfectly able, smart, adult uses a diffcult upbringing as an excuse for poor behavior. Some of the things I experienced growing up were far from ideal (in regards to my father) but I didn't use that as an excuse when I acted like a total moron! ;) I acted like a moron because that was a stage I was going through. I could have said, "Well, I'm drinking all the time and doing drugs because my dad was _______" but I didn't! Although I'm not proud of the way I acted, I still NEVER used my past experiences as an excuse.

SO happy that you have made the best of what sounds like pretty bad circumstances! :)

May 4, 2011 at 3:03 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

My current fella has a terrible relationship with his mom and I used to tell him she is your mother you have to love her and then I realized giving birth to someone doesn't grant you automatic love... giving love and caring does... So to you Shell I say I am so happy there are people like you and my HB who don't let it rule your world even though it has to be hard ...You are such a good mom and I think you learned well what not to be

May 4, 2011 at 3:08 PM  
Blogger Aunt Crazy said...

It ain't easy being a momma. We do the best we can with what we have and each day we try to do better than we did the day before. I've said many times that every day I fail as a mom and every day I win as a mom and every day it gets harder.

Good for you for finding the positive way to learn from your own mother.

May 4, 2011 at 3:23 PM  
Anonymous Missy said...

Shell - That had to be so painful to share. Thanks for your courage. I'm sure more than one person can identify with your feelings today. I think you've taken what you've learned and become a great mom.

May 4, 2011 at 4:03 PM  
Blogger Renee said...

To be able to recognize the flaws in your own mother and learn right from wrong inspite of her influence makes you an incredible person...and mother!

May 4, 2011 at 4:13 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I strive for this too - to learn from how I was raised!

May 4, 2011 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger Mrs Montoya said...

I could have written almost the same post but am so glad that there were lessons to be taken from my not so perfect Mom. I surely pray our kids will be better for what we've endured.

Bless you for putting yourself out there, Shell.

May 4, 2011 at 4:52 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Good for you! Some people would be repeaters and cycle it on to their own kids! I love the PYHO days, I may have to write one and link up (I just have to get my brave pants on).

May 4, 2011 at 5:10 PM  
Blogger blueviolet said...

Breaking the cycle is more than a lot of people can do. Awesome!

May 4, 2011 at 5:12 PM  
Blogger Emmy said...

Good for you. That would be a lot to overcome-and though I don't know you in real life, I truly believe you have.

I love my mom but there are some things that I to have tried not to do.. but then there are other things, like her patience that I wish I had a tenth of what she does.

May 4, 2011 at 6:16 PM  
Blogger We 2 Bees said...

Good for you for looking at things positively! It makes you a better mom for it! Thank you for sharing your heart!

I had to delete the comment before I was logged in as my hubby opps!

May 4, 2011 at 7:10 PM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

You know, I have always liked you and always thought 'hey we could hang out and get along' but there have been a few posts where I've realized we have some of the deeper stuff in common. This could have been written about my mom and for a long time I did blame her but then I had Nathaniel and realized that I had picked up exactly what not to do and just wasn't aware of it and now I raise him giving him everything I didn't get. This is getting a little rambly but I hope you get the idea!

May 4, 2011 at 8:18 PM  
Blogger Mama Zen said...

Wow! This is flat out excellent writing.

May 4, 2011 at 9:27 PM  
OpenID mamatrack.com said...

I'm so sorry that you had to learn these lessons that way--that can't have been easy. But it's great that you learned something good from the experience.

May 4, 2011 at 9:44 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Wow! I felt my heart skip a beat. I'm sorry for the pain. This was a brave post! Good for you for breaking that cycle for you and your boys!

May 4, 2011 at 10:05 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

Oh girl, I send you a hug.

May 4, 2011 at 10:54 PM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

Oh. I know. Not my mom but my dad. It is so hard. Hugs momma. You are much better than she.

May 4, 2011 at 11:02 PM  
Blogger Brittney said...

good for you gorgeous! I love that you took the negative and turned it positive! :)

May 4, 2011 at 11:08 PM  
Blogger Annie said...

I love your honesty in this post Shell!
I too had a mom that quoted to me "Do as I say, not as I do." Loved it. I am thankful that my mom DID try. and I am thankful that she tried to raise me so right, she had issues.....

But you? Sounds like you were made so much stronger from being under her care. You know? I've often wondered why people like you turn out so well and then someone else with the same kinda parent will turn out terrible? Maybe you had another adult that was a postive influence on your life when your mother wasn't.....no clue.....baffles me really. But I am glad you turned out so well!!

May 5, 2011 at 12:13 AM  
Blogger shortmama said...

So glad you were able to take something negative and turn it for yourself. Too often people have negative things happen in their life and they use those hardships as excuses for their actions and behaviors for the rest of their lives!

May 5, 2011 at 2:40 AM  
Blogger Keshyra said...

Wow, great post, I totally get where you are coming from! My mom wasn't the greatest either, but through that I learned what I didn't want to be. I knew I wanted to be different, so I don't drink in front of my kids, I try not to fight in front of my kids (though it does happen sometimes, of course) and I try really hard to make life good and stable for them so they feel safe and secure and cared for. Because I didn't have those things growing up it made me want to break the cycle, and do a better job. And I feel like I have, and so have you. Good for you for being that strong person, brave enough to turn negativity into positivity and not letting her drag you down. What a great mommy!

May 5, 2011 at 3:35 AM  
Blogger Barbara said...

It sucks that you had to grow up like that. At least it has made you a better mother now. You are so amazingly brave for having survived and coming out a better person!

May 5, 2011 at 8:01 AM  
Anonymous Lori said...

Oh, Shell! This is why I heart you!!!

May 5, 2011 at 1:52 PM  
Blogger A Mommy in the City said...

You are an amazing mother! Your boys are lucky to have you!

May 5, 2011 at 4:51 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I know we have talked about your mother before. I am glad that you learned some great lessons from her, even if you were only learning what not to do. You're a wonderful woman, an excellent friend, and a fantastic mommy!

Love you!

May 5, 2011 at 5:38 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

We definitely just as much what NOT to do from our mothers as what we should do.

I often say that some children become wonderful people IN SPITE of their parents & not BECAUSE of them. My husband is one of those stories.. and it sounds like so are you.

May 5, 2011 at 11:19 PM  
Blogger Charlotte said...

These words are so powerful, Shell, and I'm sure this was not an easy post to write. I'm very glad that you turned a negative situation around and are able to raise your children with the unconditional love you didn't received from your own momma.

What a strong, remarkable woman you are.

May 6, 2011 at 10:51 AM  
Blogger kc said...

I LOVE this post! You are so strong for being a positive role model and turning negatives into positives!!! hugs!

May 6, 2011 at 1:21 PM  

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