Pour Your Heart Out: This Mom's Body Image
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A big reason is because exercise does make me feel better. It's a huge stress relief and a confidence boost once I feel like I won't be out of breath walking to the mailbox am strong and in shape.
But, another reason, and the biggest one, is because I want to LOOK better. Thinner. Toned. Not just "good for having three kids" but plain old GOOD.
I embrace being a mom, but my body doesn't need to advertise that I had three kids in less than 3.5 years. The three boys practically attached to me at all times are enough of an advertisement.
But, when I look at my body, I know I don't really see what others see. Because when I look at myself, I'm much more critical than I am of others. I could see my thighs jiggling in the mirror at the gym, so now I wear yoga pants to work out. I know that underneath my size small or sometimes even extra-small top, I still have that mommy pouch that I can't seem to get rid of.
I can look at another woman and think wow, look how thin she is! Or she looks amazing!
But, if you were to put me and that woman whose shape I'm so admiring side by side, I might even be smaller. But, in my head, this is not how I see it. I see her as in shape, while I see every bit of cellulite or wobble on myself.
I'm aware that this is not healthy. This is a big reason why I rarely step on a scale. Because those numbers can affect me. Too high and I will want to beat myself up. So, I try to go by the fit of my clothing.
On Monday, I decided to step on the scale at the gym. It's been months since I have done this: last summer, maybe.
And then I promptly tweeted this: "Dear scale in the gym: I know you must be broken, but I'm going to pretend you are right. And make out with you."
I gleefully reported the number to my husband while laughing that the scale was broken. He looked at me up and down and said "Are you sure the scale is broken?"
Oh yes, I insisted. It's probably off by at least 10 pounds.
But, all I got in return was a look of skepticism. And it made me wonder: is my perception of myself that far off?
Am I still so busy comparing my body to what it was like pre-baby that I don't realize what I really look like now?
I'm not sure, but I'm working on it.
Labels: pour your heart out, weight
posted by Shell at
7:00 AM
76 Comments:
Oh Girl, you know I could have written most of this post, but my scale isn't broken like yours ;), and I'm not okay with the numbers. I just can't seem to get myself in gear... although I did do three hours of yoga last weekend! I wish, if I can't get the numbers where I want, that I could at least embrace and be okay with myself!
I am back to the same weight as before JDaniel. Things just look different. Mostly it is the heavy bags I carry under my eyes from lack of sleep.
Weight is just so hard. I think every woman struggles with it. It goes to the core of how we feel about ourselves.
Thank you for sharing this. It's so intensely personal.
And I'm sure you look awesome. I'm in awe of your commitment to working out. I try, but it's just so hard to find the time.
My perception can get twisted too. It isn't until I see a photo of myself that I can see reality and not just criticize. In general, I'm happy though and have embraced the skin I'm in. It helps that I work out a lot :-)
It always breaks my heart when strong, vibrant, beautiful women don't see their beauty or they find ways to knock themselves down.
I hope you're working out the insides and not just the outer image.
Funny- my blog post tomorrow is about what I see in the mirror vs what is real. :)
I remember being little and seeing my mom undressed. She had scars and lots of extra padding. I would think that I did not want that when I got older. Now I look in the mirror and I see my mother, minus the c section scars and I get physically sick looking at myself naked. I KNOW what is there, it is constantly staring back at me. I hate that feeling hate it.. but not as much as I hate seeing her when I look in the mirror. Her face is one thing, her figure is another..
You looked perfect the last time I saw you!!! I think you have a wonderful shape and beautiful figure. (I never see myself as having a figure - and now I have no figure with a pot belly LOL)
We are our own harshest critics!
I'm always critical of myself when it comes to how I look. I want to look good too. I want to look like I didn't have a child and gained 30 pounds in the process. Damn that mommy pouch!
I think figuring out a healthy, honest self-image is one of the things I struggle with the most in my life. I am not as small as you, but I do think that my self perception is skewed, and I know that it's dangerous and that I need to be vigilant in my comments so that I don't pass this on to my daughter.
When I read the part about not wanting to look good for having kids, I related to it 100% I HATE hearing "You look great! You just had two kids!" It makes me feel worse, even though I know the speaker doesn't mean it like that.
I hear where you are comming from and can totally relate.
You DO look just plain good!! I swear!!
I kind of have the opposite issue. In my head (not when I'm looking at myself in a mirror or in a photo), I'm still the same size I was in college. It's when I actually see myself that I realize I'm not. And damn, that sucks!!
I think we are always more critical of ourselves than others are of us. As hard as you have been working at the gym, I am sure it has been paying off. I hate getting on the scale too. I usually gauge how I am doing by how my clothes fit.
Having had the c-section with Jellybean I chose to embrace that my body is never going to be what it was. I had a six pack up until I was about 5 months along with him. One incision made sure that wasn't going to happen again anytime soon. Not having the muscle tone to pull myself up from laying down to sitting up definitely got the point across to me that this post baby body is different. I know that there are more babies in my future and no time or money for working out anytime soon. I have a feeling that I'll be writing a very similar post in a year or two.
I hope the more toned body is also able to reshape your mental outlook too!
Ok just as I am leaving vacation, I am having eater's remorse thinking about all the bad things I have eaten! I most def do NOT want to get on the scale. I looked at my stomach in the mirror and I wanted to hid! We are so critical of ourselves. People tell me I am small but I see my big stomach and my lovely back boob! IDK, embrace what the scale said and accept the compliments from others!
ohh, I want to lose weight and look fab to feel more confident too.. but then looking thin or skinny or whatever doesn't make you feel less of a person,i believe that its more in the heart than the outer look...
thanks for hosting...
I'll never figure out how my own husband sees something way different than I do...
Way to go on the 10 pounds because I think losing mom pounds is so hard compared to when I needed to lose pre mom pounds... My boyfriend on the other had has lost 50 while I have lost 11 since september .... Happy wednesday
I think no matter what size we are, we are never happy with it. Don't let the numbers of the scale control how you see yourself. You do what you need to do to feel good about yourself.
I so understand this. I lost 20 lbs within the past year and I still think I look huge! Everyone tells me how skinny I look, but they don't see what I see. I made this whole big deal on my blog a few weeks ago about how I was going to work out again and blah blah blah. That lasted about a week. I think that it is time to kick my butt in gear. I agree that I also feel great when I work out.
The scale is ok, but I have also learned that even though my weight may not go down my waist does. I like to also take measurements because that can sometimes be a better determination of loss for me.
Just try to keep positive about it. You are beautiful Shell!
congrats on the loss! i'm stepping up my cardio lately, too - i'd LOVE to lose 10lbs
We are much more critical of our selves, for sure. I'm working on it, because I believe my own low self esteem stems from my mom's poor image of herself and how I constantly saw her being critical of herself while I was growing up. I want to be a better model for my own daughter. Good luck ... you DO look fabulous!
I'm kind of having an opposite effect where I lost quite a bit of weight so in my mind, I am like 2 sizes smaller than I truly am. So I'm always sort of disappointed when I see pictures and think "I don't look like that! I can't! I lost 40 lbs." But like other commenters, I'm cautious about where I take that. I def. don't want my daughter picking up on this kind of self-conscious behavior, and frankly I should be over it by now!
In case you couldn't tell by this point in my blog's short existence, I have a pretty severe body-image issue.. At one point I was on 2 different scales twice a day and logging it, along with weekly measurements and daily caloric intake. It was ridiculous.
BUT, it's essentially why I'm not working out right now and why I started with only eating healthier and making sure that I'm eating enough to both lose weight and be able to continue breastfeeding my 6 month old. I think the latter is what keeps it from spiraling like it has in the past.
Anyways, yes, I can relate to this very well.. even at my lowest weight, I still saw others as so much thinner than I was. And, looking back? Not many folks were..
Self-criticism is quite possibly a woman's worst enemy. One day at a time.. and keep healthy! ;)
Despite the fact that I have a penis, we have very similar body issues. People tell me that I "look good," but I just don't see it. I know my body isn't quite as flabby as it once was, but I've never had the body I wanted when I've looked in the mirror. And, therefore, when someone tells me that I look good, I have a hard time believing said person.
What I hate is that, because somebody sees something that I don't see, I automatically jump to ulterior motives that the complimenter may have - am I being teased? It's really not a good place to be in my mind, yet, um, sometimes a "you look good" means nothing other than that.
A single line from your post is sticking with me "look good for having three kids"...whenever a compliment has the "...for..." it's completely invalid. I was in San Diego on business not too long ago, and while enjoying a few beers at a poolside bar, a "recently turned 21" year old woman (girl?) came up to me and commented "for a fat, old guy, you have really great legs."
I think I chugged my beer and excused myself.
Oh wow do I relate to this one! If my post was today wasn't a sponsored one I would link up!! I wrote about how I need to get my sexy back. Even though others may tell me I look fabulous...I just don't feel it. Men have no idea how lucky they are:)
I do the same thing as far as going by the fit of my clothes over the numbers on the scale. I scare myself when I get too into the numbers.
My body image problem came in with the post baby boobs, or lack thereof. I really felt bad about myself for a long time so I started looking towards people I admire like Kelly Ripa and Gwen Stefani who are small chested and own it. They are gorgeous and confident with what they have. I found the more I worked to think like that, the more I felt beautiful for what I am. Not that I don't still dream about a free boob job, but I feel better.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. I know it is easy to say, but hard to do. But tell yourself you are beautiful, because you are!
girl you know i struggle with this ive posted about it several times. I am always looking at other girls and trying to compare myself to them.. am i bigger than her? is she the same size as me? judging one person after another, and then i feel like everyone is looking at me doing the same "wow shes huge" "why is she wearing that" etc. My husband says im too worried about it and 9 times out of 10 other people dont even give my weight a second thought when they meet me. I feel like thats all they see. I know im not a size small or anything like that but when I look at other women I feel like im twice their size I dont know if its my perception or what but its a terrible feeling when you walk around all day feeling like people are judging u based on your size. Even when I lost almost 90 lbs I was in a size 3 and I still saw the fat girl in the mirror so i gave up and the weight slowly came back. I dont know how to change my perception of myself because no matter what size i am, im unhappy. I guess we are all in the same boat somehow
Please,just don't remind me of workig out and scales and stuff...Having a kid in my forties didn't do any good for my figure...
I absolutely understand this- I started running again, and feel great. As far as the numbers thing though, I think I move in the opposite direction- I think I'm ok, and then I see a picture or something and I am completely horrified!!
Ugh... weight has is and always will be my enemy... i A. have never been thin thin.. B. after my 3 boys in 4 years i ate sooo porly i never took care of me.. now im starting to take the bull by the horns... love this... it soooooo touched a nerve... hugs!!!
I have a super poor body image too. And my scale and I never hang out! It's all of those smokin' hot celebs that cause me to think less of myself. BUT if I had a personal trainer, stylist, chef, nanny and a slew of other personal assistants....I would be a hot mama too!!
It's funny - your post today made me realize I do the same thing. Of course, I've never had kids and I still have the "mommy pooch". And I look at myself in the mirror and am like, gah, I'm so huge!
Honestly, though, I'm 30 pounds lighter than I was a year ago. 30 pounds! But I still see myself with those 30 pounds on. So, I'm working on removing the fat goggles (because that's what they are) from my eyes and trying to see the real me. I went from a size 14 to a size 8 - so I'm totally not that big girl anymore.
But I still see her.
I hear ya! My daughter is 5--I'm looking for a way to get my thighs to respond to my workouts by embracing some shrinking and toning. I still fit into my "old" clothes but with bathing suit season around the corner I relize just because it fits IN the jeans doesn't mean it looks good without the jeans as a shield. (sigh)
well first I am so glad that you are going to try to start seeing yourself the way other people do.
DO you know what I'd give to wear a size SMALL shirt?
I dislike my body because I know I'm a bigger girl and always have been, but I don't Hate my body. Size 12 is not fat, it's bigger, but it's not fat and most days I feel good, sexy, put together and that works for me.
What's funny is that I was the thinnest I had been since HS right after I had the boys because I had thrown up for 35 weeks, and I was a size 6. A 6!!!! I gained it all back over 3 years, and I am disappointed in myself, but I don't hate my body. I just wish sometimes it was a 10. ;)
I just wish you luck on your journey to know how Beautiful you are inside and out. xo
I would be willing to bribe my scale to lie.
I think your may be right?
if so HORAY!
that is all
OMG, I don't remember when was the last time I weighed myself... January 15th maybe?
Now I am dreading about putting too much weight on after baby, I should just think about the beautiful thing I will get after the journey to motherhood, still I have to work out so that I don't feel too bad about my body image.
Well done for taking the steps to a healthy you :)
I hate that we do this to ourselves. I can't remember if I was reading this somewhere, heard it on the radio, saw it on a show, etc... But someone said to look at a person, then look at they're reflection in the mirror. Do they still look the same? Yes? Are they still as attractive? It may or may not help with your perception of you but at least you know the mirror doesn't change things. I do the same thing.
Personally, I think that a womans body looks BETTER after having babies.
They are softer...just nicer, I think.
That being said, I go to church with a bunch of SKINNY women. Like, how the hell did they CARRY 4 kids, women. Seriously. HOW?! Where did they carry them???
They are like sickly skinny.
Oh Shell. I think most every woman in America can relate to this one. We are always are own worst critic when it comes to how we look.
You do look just plain GOOD. Just plain Beautiful!!
You are smart to not get on the scale if it negatively effects you. I weight myself everyday and sometimes it REALLY starts my day off on a downer.
On the other hand the exercise always make me FEEL sexier even if there is no noticeable difference in my appearance.
it's so hard...I know...and no matter how much weight is lost that little baby pooch is there...and mine were c section, so the only way to get rid of it is surgery...nice...
you're doing awesome...keep it up...soon you'll just look fantastic, not fantastic for having 3 kids...such a backhanded compliment-I get it all the time, but I have 4-in
I'm in awe of the women who don't struggle with this! I know I look small in pics, but it's not the comparison so much as how I feel, especially since I was 5-10 lbs lighter at this time last year and even then I wasn't happy.
I think everyone does this. You should compare a photo of yourself pre-baby to post-baby and just give it a critical eye. That way you can see if you have really changed as much as you feel in your head. Also, some things are going to be changed by working out or dieting. You have to learn to accept yourself. I know how hard it is.
I have HUGE issues with body image myself. I was anorexic as a teen - didn't weigh over 100 pounds til I was pregnant with my first child, and I am not short.
since my last pregnancy (11 years ago) I have had issues with losing it - I've been up and down 40 pounds, and now I have medical issues complicating the process.
I can't tell you how many times I have told myself that I should just go back to not eating at all ... life would be easier, right?
ugh! it stinks!!
I think body image is a BIG issue for most all women. I see every flaw, every wrinkle, every ounce of cellulite. It's really disheartening...but at least you recognize it! Keep working out, but make sure you are doing it for the right reason. :)
It's very hard for us to see ourselves the same way everyone else does. We're always our own worst critics. But I love your hubby's answer when you told him about the scale and I hope that convinces you that your perception of yourself may be just a touch off. I think you look beautiful three gorgeous children later! *HUGS*
Yea, I step on the scale to remind myself Im not huge anymore. My brain knows that Im in pretty good shape. But my eyes just see a flabby butt and stretch marks, and small boobies. lol
We're our own worst critics for certain.
Wear your mama battlescars with pride and enjoy your getting toned (soon-to-be more toned, toned, you know what I mean) body completely.
Yay for getting healthy so you can live a long life and awesome example for those boys!
xoxox
My perception of my body is my own worst enemy. I feel ya there. And no matter what hubby says, you always see yourself as the "fat" kid. Blech!
Working on removing my "fat goggles" too (loved that comment).
I agree that I think we are all our own worst critic. My body is far from what it was pre-babies and it does get to me. I exercise and try to eat healthy and at times I honestly don't see any difference. But, my hubby has said he can so that keeps me going.
All I can say is at 44 I wish I had the body I hated at 24, and I know I'll wish I had the body I hate now when I'm 64. :) And I can't help it, either!
Oh girl, you know you're hot! I love ya! And I hear ya. I'm hitting the gym like a mad woman. Gotta take off at least 20...maybe 30. :) Glad you're feeling good. You deserve it.
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com
I just love when I can makeout with the scale! HAHA.. you are too funny, I missed that tweet.
I think we all go through some forms of this, glad that you are back in the gym and that you are feeling good about it!
I wish my scale were broken, like yours! Ha! I actually still weigh what I did before I had my 3 kiddos and it's in a healthy range for me, but it's all proportioned very differently now! Hips, boobs, love handles... ugh! It is SO hard for me not to compare myself to other women, especially when I go to the gym and see those teeny tiny rear ends running in front of me! It's definitely something women as a whole need to get a better perspective on, though. And yes, as you said, be less critical of ourselves. Working on this with you! :)
I'm with you here. I'm pretty critical of myself too, and my husband gets aggrivated with me.
I'm sure my perception of myself is off, and it's a hard thing to change. I'm so dumb, I will often see other women and wonder and ask my husband if I'm that size. How embarassing to admit that!
When will we just be happy with ourselves?
I'm a little late today, but I linked up. I love how you say the link is what you make of it. So true!
It's so hard to be happy with ourselves for sure- we are our own worst critics! I have a long way to go until I'm satisfied.. sigh. You are working out though and that rocks! (not that you need to!)
I'm the same way. We are all so hard on ourselves. I have seen pictures of you, though. You, my friend, are smokin' hot!
I know.
I know.
We should be happy that we are healthy. WITH NO PHYSICAL WORRIES.
Grateful, happy, about having bodies that work.
Totally hear you on the size XS hiding stuff. People don't think it's possible, but yeah - it's all about the cut.
I am about 10-15 lbs heavier than I was 11 years and 3 babies ago, but honestly to me it looks like 40lbs. My body just doesn't seem like the same body I knew for 26 years. I am not really that interested in losing weight (even though that wouldn't be bad), but I really need to tone. I just need help with that - a lot of help.
Body image sucks especially when you are trying to teach your girls to appreciate their bodies. I keep my lips zipped about feeling fat or unhappy.
We are definitely our own worst critics. That is so awesome that you are going to the gym...I always say I need to and complain about my body but then I don't do anything about it
It's funny, I was going to right about something similar today. Not about body image though, because believe me, I KNOW I look like crap! But about what people think I am vs what I think I am.
Thanks for such a heartwrenching post. And maybe he's right. Maybe the scale ISN'T off. Maybe your perception IS.
Mich
We are so hard on ourselves, aren't we? Physically, I'm very self-critical too, but I agree that working out does help to improve how we feel, and that's something.
But come on girl, you are adorable!
Body image is so tough. Don't beat yourself up about it. Working out does definitely help though - at least you feel like you are doing something - whatever you feel is needed.
I would give anything, just anything, for my daughters not to have this issue. I totally relate to each word.
I just wish there was something I could to make their path different. It's exhausting, time stealing, painful, vain, and wasteful how much of my life has been wrapped up in body image issues.
I am nowhere and I mean NOWHERE near as little as you but I have the same problem which makes me able to relate to you a bit and also feel sad for you. Not SORRY for you but sad. I say that places have different mirrors to my husband sometimes because I will catch my reflection and think 'who's that?' because it looks much smaller then my perception. It's very weird.
This post could just as easily been written by me. I have lost 35 pounds now, but I can look in the mirror and see fat me.
PS The scale only lies when the weight is too high. ;)
I admire your drive to improve yourself and feel better...but you are beautiful. Your husband thinks so, your children think so...and we think so. You need to think so too without focusing on "what's wrong"...instead focus on "what's right"!
And seriously...extra small? I may have to hate you a little.
You keep on doing what makes you feel good and look good!! I am so with you on this one.
I could have written this post myself! The numbers are OK for me and my pre-baby clothes fit, I just hate the way I look in the mirror! I even told my husband that I think our mirror "was broken" since it reminded me of those funky fun house mirrors. He was not amused.
I have the opposite problem. I know I could lose 10 lbs but I'm too lazy & I like to eat too much.
As women we put so much pressure on ourselves.
I joined weight watchers and became obsessed.
I had to have my hubs put the scale away.
It can become dangerous.
I'm sorry...I'm so behind. I have this issue too...I think it's normal. I went to the gym yesterday and the scale was gone...10 points for me!
Sometimes it's hard, because you never want to feel that good about yourself. The only day I ever thought I looked amazing and beautiful was on my wedding day. I think it's because we're ALLOWED to feel that way. Anytime I might look great, I feel silly even thinking that.
I know JUST how you feel. You're beautiful, mama!
I tend to stick my head in the sand and not really look at myself. It's been so long since I've had the freedom to work out regularly and I am not happy with how I look at all. SO I just don't look. I've never been one who could do it with diet alone. It has to be diet and exercise. Sigh.
I'm proud of you though.
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