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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out: A Glass of Childhood Dreams

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.

Please grab the button for your post and link up!

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there. And you'll definitely get to know another blogger better by reading what they are pouring out.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

 You can find the code for the button on my Memes page- tab is at the top of the page.
So many of you responded to my post-it yesterday about cutting myself a break. So, I'm excited to be starting the 40 day Inner Mean Girl Cleanse. I think it will be good for me. If you would like info on how to participate, too, go HERE.  Today's PYHO is a good starting point for me.

When I was four, I had a record called "Tina the Ballerina." Does anyone remember this? It's now out of print...not that I have a record player anyway.

It was the story of a little girl who loved to dance. She would dance everywhere she went. The big climax of the story is the prima ballerina not being able to dance when Tina goes to see the ballet. So, Tina jumps out of her seat, runs up on stage, and dances in her place.

Round and round and round she goes, dancing, dancing on her toes...

I used to get dressed in a pretty dress or a leotard or one of my ballet costumes, stand on my bed- where I could see myself in the big mirror on my dresser- and act out the story along with the record.

I fully believed that I could be a ballerina.

That, in fact, I already WAS one and all it would take for the world to discover me is for my parents to take me to the ballet so that I could jump up on the stage and have the world take notice.

After all, I was graceful and could dance.

And, I was beautiful.

This is what I believed when I was small.

That the world was at my feet, just waiting for me to take action and become a star.

Surely, someone would notice how special I was. How beautiful I was.

And then I'd get to be the star of the show.

Or maybe become a princess or something else equally as fabulous.

I was not meant to be ordinary.

Oh, to go back to being that confident little girl.

Because, as she grew up, she learned that she really wasn't a very good dancer.

And that "clumsy" was a better description of her than "graceful."

And that while she was pretty, there were others who were prettier. And then she had an awkward stage that lasted way too long and made her forget how pretty she used to think she was.

And she learned that no one was going to show up at her door with a princess crown and sweep her away to a magic kingdom.

How sad to have those childhood dreams dashed.

To learn that life isn't that simple or easy.

I look at my boys and wonder what dreams they have. I marvel at their confidence, their belief that anything is possible.

And I think that the grown-up me can learn a lot from the girl I used to be and from my children.

The grown-up me can be allowed to dream and be confident and think that the world is a place of endless possibilities.

Twirling, twirling in a spin, whirling, whirling like the wind...



OpenID fojoy said...

I also wanted to be a ballerina when I was little. Until my aunt explained to me that my genes would give me boobs and a bum too big to dance ballet.
She was right, but it still sucked.

August 25, 2010 at 12:06 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I never wanted to be a ballerina but I sure love to photograph them, at any age. So beautiful!


August 25, 2010 at 12:10 AM  
Blogger Lourie said...

I know exactly what you mean. When do we stop believing those possibilities!? How many times do your kids ask you to draw something and you say, "I can't draw that!" "I can't draw." When we were kids, we could draw, sing, dance, and rescue small animals. We really do need to bring those youngsters back to the surface! Excellent post.

August 25, 2010 at 12:18 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Shell, you can never, ever, ever stop dreaming. If you stop dreaming, you stop living. Everything that we have in our lives began with a little thought, or a dream.

Dream on, dream on, dream until your dream comes true.

I have that as wall decal above my window in my bedroom for me to read every single day.

August 25, 2010 at 12:25 AM  
Blogger Casey said...

What a great post and it really got me to thinking. I do miss how I was when I was little. I wish I could go back to that thinking. I stopped dreaming and maybe I should try to start again. Hmmm, you got me thinking

August 25, 2010 at 12:32 AM  
Blogger Helene said...

I never dreamed of becoming a ballerina but I can relate to thinking all your dreams will come true but then being shocked into reality when it doesn't happen like that at all.

When we're younger, it seems like anything's possible. When do we stop believing that? I'm not sure but, like you, I hope my children reach for the stars and never stop.

August 25, 2010 at 1:01 AM  
Blogger Sandra said...

You nailed it on the head though when you said that you "were not meant to be ordinary." I think that's the feeling that gets us through life. Pushing to be extraordinary is why you are a terrific person with such talent!
Loved this post!

August 25, 2010 at 1:24 AM  
Blogger From Tracie said...

I have thought these things so many times. When I look at my daughter and all of her confidence and belief that she can do anything, fix anything, conquer anything.....I wonder when I lost that. How I can get it back. Why the world seems to work so hard on beating that out of us. And I resolve to help her hold onto it for as long as she can...... hopefully for the rest of her life, because I believe in her.

August 25, 2010 at 1:30 AM  
Blogger That One Mom said...

I remember the girl I was all those years ago, too. I sometimes see glimpses of her in my daughter.

August 25, 2010 at 1:55 AM  
Blogger Dysfunctional Mom said...

I always wanted to sing. I thought I could sing quite well....but um, not so much! It's disappointing, one of those disappointments I wish my kids wouldn't have to feel.

August 25, 2010 at 2:23 AM  
Blogger Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

I have always wanted to sing.....a longing always

August 25, 2010 at 2:47 AM  
Blogger Jenn @ South of Sheridan said...

I took ballet classes until I was in 5th grade, which was when I stopped being able to get back up off the floor like the other girls. It was pretty devastating to me at the time to realize my ballerina dreams were not a reality, either. lol But knowing that I'll never be a ballerina never stopped me from dancing - literally and figuratively. ;)

August 25, 2010 at 4:33 AM  
Blogger We live in a Zoo! said...

Really Truly! Great post :D

August 25, 2010 at 4:33 AM  
Blogger Katina said...

I remember thinking things also and I remember well meaning adults telling me how things couldn't be done. Most of the time, it was my parents who were always playing it safe and being practical. I think they told me things to be "logical" not to be discouraging. Lesson to self, I will bite my tongue when my daughters talk about what all they can do. Who am I to say they can't? God is in control NOT me! His word says that he can do exceedingly and abudantly more than I could ask or imagine! Thanks for the reminder.

August 25, 2010 at 6:15 AM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

YAY! Finally linking up again today!

I wanted to be a Rockette! I so relate to this post... and can remember some of the people in my life who started to slowly chip away at my opinion of myself. I'd love to get it back and make sure my own kids keep theirs

August 25, 2010 at 6:16 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

I had way too many dreams and never settled on a one of them.

August 25, 2010 at 6:41 AM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

This one choked me up a little. I hate that our dreams get ripped away from us. It's not fair is it?
Sometimes I wonder about all the people in the world who appear to have followed their dreams. How did they do it? What were their parents like? I just want to be able to do that for my kids! I'm happy! Don't get me wrong, but there are many dreams I wanted to follow and didn't. Some of them are regrets now. How can we keep our babies from falling into the same trap this world sets? Love ya, girl! And you are beautiful! inside and out! Great post!!

August 25, 2010 at 7:19 AM  
Blogger Di said...

Ugh - we get so wrapped up in the pitfalls of reality that we forget to dream. I find myself doing it to hubby all the time when he mentions his dream of starting his own business. All I can mention is how many businesses fail and the start up costs. Maybe I should just shut my trap and let him figure out how to make his dream come true?

August 25, 2010 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger Terry said...

What a nice post. I think we all need to remember what our goals and dreams were when we were little....and I think we all need to act on them if we haven't made them come true.

August 25, 2010 at 8:06 AM  
Blogger Ian said...

Journey's lyrics within 'Don't Stop Believing'

...don't stop believin'
...hold onto that feeling

Hold true here. Never stop pursuing your goals and you never know where they will take you.

Take my two cousins who are older than I for example. They played ball with me when I was young. They pushed themselves and perhaps my uncle pushed them a little harder than I.

What was the end result? They both were Major League Baseball pitchers. One for the Atlanta Braves and one for the Cleveland Indians.

They both have since given that up for family life and one actually works with me.

It's funny how round and round things go and whether you reach those goals or not, you gain so many life lessons along the way.

Your boys are young, enrich them, teach them, and set those long term goals high. You never know how far they'll go.

August 25, 2010 at 8:22 AM  
Blogger Brittney said...

this is a great post shell!!! You are so right children believe that anything is possible.. why do we have to grow out of that, we should all be able to keep that mentality even in our adult years lol!

August 25, 2010 at 8:22 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

It's amazing how much confidence and self esteem we can have when we are little, and how much of it goes away as we get older.

Great post.

August 25, 2010 at 8:26 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I want to be a ballerina.

August 25, 2010 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

This is so sweet. I think boys have these insecurities too, but they channel them completely differently. They do something productive where girls just kind of wallow. Having one of each, side by side, I hope to watch the differences closely and learn as much as I possibly can from both of them.

PS - I'd totally go vision over boobs...fer sher.

August 25, 2010 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

I swear the kids show me SO much more than I give them credit for. Unconditional love - giving and receiving - is priceless. And I should give it to myself, more, too. Thanks for the reminder. And? I dance like no one's watching. Even if they are ;)

August 25, 2010 at 8:33 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Great post! It makes me think about how I had dreams as a child and if I give up those dreams where am I? We may not be what we wanted but we can never stop having dreams. We should instill in our children that it's ok to dream and if they think they want to fly to the moon maybe they just will. We can never squash those dreams.
By realizing that you were not going to be a ballerina and being able to accept it without remorse is a wonderful thing. You have the experience of that to be able to teach your boys that it's ok if we don't achieve what we think we can be. But to never give up and keep trying. It may open other doors that we may not know exist.

August 25, 2010 at 8:35 AM  
Blogger natalee said...

omg!!! i wanted to be a ballerina too!!!!!!!!!! I havent thought about that dream since i was 8.. God i loved my pink slippers......great post as usual my dear friend...

August 25, 2010 at 8:39 AM  
Blogger Mumsy said...

What a wonderful post! It reminds me of my daughter when she was little. She loved to dance, but not going to classes though!

August 25, 2010 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger Mrs Gloves said...

This week's post was really hard for me to write. I debated back and forth, and then figured "What the hell?"

August 25, 2010 at 8:47 AM  
Blogger MommyLovesStilettos said...

I completely agree. Seeing things through our kids eyes (or even through our own as kids) can really put things into perspective :)

August 25, 2010 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger Eternal Lizdom said...

I'm not sure I had any big dreams as a kid. I sometimes dreamed that my dad- who wasn't part of my life- was really a bajillionaire and that he would swoop in and save me from the awful childhood I was living. Didn't happen.

I love reading about "normal" childhood dreams and fantasies!

August 25, 2010 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger Aging Mommy said...

Your last sentence says it all. As children we dream. As adults we also need I believe to dream but we also know by then that to make any dream come true we have to believe in ourselves and only then will be find the confidence and determination to try and make those dreams come true.

August 25, 2010 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger tessica said...

it makes me sad to think of the dreams I may accidentaly and in-advertantly crush in my daughter or even in my students

August 25, 2010 at 9:38 AM  
Blogger DaisyGal said...

this super sweet and poignant post really got to me. Maybe I still harbor the dream of a "broadway debut" ...LOL
but sure, we all knew we were beautiful and talented back then...we didn't think any less of ourselves...and didn't let anyone else do it either, I am sorry I lost that part of me.

this post was wonderful, mostly because I want you to know that through your writing and great big heart, this is how I see you...as A STAR.


August 25, 2010 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger Andrea (ace1028) said...

That was beautiful, Shell. Thank you for sharing. It is so true how we lose track of/sight of our dreams as we age. Some of us hold on tight and others get encouraged to let them go. I don't think those who talk us into recognizing flaws mean to hurt us in doing so, but truly want to protect us from the hurt we may have inflicted upon us as we attempt things and do not succeed. So they mean well, but they ultimately take our dreams away while working to protect us. Maybe because nobody protected them? I don't know. Either way, it's a beautiful sentiment. I hope to find the balance of allowing my daughter to reach for the stars, and be able to protect her from hurt at the same time.

August 25, 2010 at 10:17 AM  
Blogger Just Another Mom of 2 said...

You know, I often have moments where my heart hurts thinking of the pain my children will have to endure. I fear the situations in which they are hurt by others and the actions of others. It is a scary prospect, and one that is only starting to become really tangible as my son has been in preschool (soon to be pre-K).

I understand what you mean, and feel like you could be writing about moments in my own adolescence. I just try to remember that even if the initial dreams I held are not the same as today, I at least get the opportunity to have new ones- and help my children cultivate theirs. Now I'm off to tear up a little more!

August 25, 2010 at 10:40 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

That was a beautiful post. I wanted to be a dancer when I was little too. I miss those days of having dreams like that and no worries.

August 25, 2010 at 10:51 AM  
Blogger Ash said...

One son wants to be a race car driver, the other a garbage man - I won't say a word to kill their dreams.

Even though I kind of want to on the race car driver thing.

But dreams adjust and bend as we age, so I'll wait it out. I still have dreams that I won't let go though. One day. One day.

August 25, 2010 at 11:12 AM  
Blogger Florida Girl Meets the Midwest said...

Sounds like someone did see you as special and beautiful...even if he didn't ride in on the white horse.

I like to think our old dreams take on a new form.

What a sweet post.

August 25, 2010 at 11:21 AM  
Blogger We 2 Bees said...

I wanted to dance, but I'm not good either. It hasn't stopped me from trying. I love tap! And have even taken an adult tap class for fun!

I loved your post. Very well written! And dreams do take on different forms as we get older and realize what we really need.

August 25, 2010 at 11:31 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

Children are naive to the ugliness in the world. Many times, I wish I could turn the clock back and have those same views and dreams.

Quite often, I wonder what dreams are in my childrens' heads.

August 25, 2010 at 12:06 PM  
Blogger clumzydancer said...

Great post. I remember that record, I still have it at my Mom's. I can relate to what you said. I was too tall to be a ballerina (I'm 5'11) but knew I wanted to be a dancer. I almost didn't follow through because I thought I was too ugly, untalented and that came from me believing people in my family and from believing the teacher and girls at school. I think other people are the ones who destroy our dreams. I worry about this with Buggie so much.

August 25, 2010 at 12:13 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

What a sweet post. It rings true for me too ... and I definitely think about my daughters dreams. One of my biggest hopes for her is innocent happiness/childhood joy for as long as possible. I didn't have that growing up, so I'm going to fight for her to dream the ballerina (or whatever) dream for as long as she can!

August 25, 2010 at 12:13 PM  
Blogger Foursons said...

Oh my gosh, your words hit so close to home. I hate that we have to lose that childhood innocence. Why can't we stay that way forever?

August 25, 2010 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger Nancy C said...

Yes. I am so fearful about taking risks that I can't sleep at night. And yet, the signals from God to take that very leap are so very strong, I need to find my inner ballerina and jump onto the proverbial stage.

August 25, 2010 at 2:35 PM  
Blogger Nancy C said...

Not to totally mix my metaphors or anything.

August 25, 2010 at 2:35 PM  
Blogger Heather's In The Land Of Crazy said...

When I was little I wanted to learn gymnastics and compete in the Olympics.

August 25, 2010 at 2:45 PM  
OpenID dramaformama said...

So sad how reality trumps dreams in too many cases. But go dance. Know you're beautiful. And show your sons they can do anything. Beautiful (although sad) post.

August 25, 2010 at 3:00 PM  
OpenID dramaformama said...

So sad how reality trumps dreams in too many cases. But go dance. Know you're beautiful. And show your sons they can do anything. Beautiful (although sad) post.

August 25, 2010 at 3:00 PM  
Blogger Brooke said...

I bet you would make a beautiful ballerina.

August 25, 2010 at 3:57 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

That was beautifully said. I know exactly how you feel.

August 25, 2010 at 4:08 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I can totally relate. You said it beautifully, Shell! My thing was always singing. And I didn't realize that I was bad at it until I told my dad I wanted to join the choir in junior high and he laughed at me!

August 25, 2010 at 4:38 PM  
Blogger Semi-Slacker Mom said...

I can only dance after a few drinks, but Baby Girl can. So I'm living the ballerina dream through her.

August 25, 2010 at 5:25 PM  
Blogger Chelle said...

Okay, this post just made all teary and had me nodding my head through it all. Why? Because I just know exactly what you are talking about.

Love ya, girl--and I know that give us some wine or yummy drinks and we'll be the best dancers EVER! Haha :)


August 25, 2010 at 6:41 PM  
Blogger Kerri said...

I think this speaks for so many of us. Having kids kind of shows us what we didn't quite accomplish or get to do or finish.
Some will try to live through their children and others will take the bull by the horns and reinvent themselves...never stop dreaming Shell...ever!!

August 25, 2010 at 9:00 PM  
Blogger shortmama said...

So beautiful. I always just wished I could dance...I knew from the beginning that I had no talent in that area

August 25, 2010 at 11:06 PM  
Blogger Permanently At Lunch said...

Whenever I doubt myself?

I focus back on things I KNOW I do well.

It gives me confidence to do the things I'm unsure about.

Thanks for posting!

-ELizabeth @ Permanently At Lunch

August 25, 2010 at 11:46 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

So sweet Shell! It was good seeing you in IMG today. Did you like it? I finally figured out tweetgrid after the party...but now I "think" I know what I am doing...lol! I kind of got lost between the call and the party. I did like it and am going to be working on the gossip portion this week.

August 26, 2010 at 1:25 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

So if you let yourself dream again, what would that dream be?

August 26, 2010 at 5:09 AM  
Blogger Michaela (aka Mama Michie) said...

I wanted to be so many thing when I was younger... and now? I lost much of that confidence too. I should just shut that voice out and start trying again!
Great post!

August 26, 2010 at 9:12 AM  
Blogger cornflakegirl74 said...

Awwww, I absolutely love this. I have never heard of "Tina the Ballerina" but I'll have to check that out, it sounds adorable. Though I'm not a mother, I imagine that the greatest gift your children can give you is the opportunity to relive your childhood all over again. It sounds as though your kids are helping you do that and it's something I can't wait to experience myself. I remember being so young and thinking the world was at my feet, too. What I wouldn't give to go back there for just one day :)

August 26, 2010 at 10:16 AM  
Blogger VandyJ said...

Thanks for the reminder that we can always dream. The dreams may change but we need to keep dreaming.

August 26, 2010 at 12:12 PM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

I'm the opposite! When I was little I didn't think I was pretty, smart or could be anything. My mother wasn't nurturing. As I grew up and became and adult I realized that she was wrong, I was amazing and worthy of whatever I wanted.

We have to keep dreaming!!

August 26, 2010 at 2:59 PM  
Blogger Truthful Mommy said...

Awww, I wish we could all hold onto our childhood self confidence.Its such a delicate thing and so easily lost. All it take is one wrong word or thought from one person or ourselves. I hope you can know that you are beautiful and special, see yourself through your boys. Ask them, I am sure they will tell you how truly beautiful and special you really are!HUGS!

August 26, 2010 at 3:50 PM  
Blogger Emmy said...

That was beautiful. And yes that awkward stage lasts too long for most of us

August 26, 2010 at 4:15 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

It is all too easy for women's confidence to crumble. Not many of us make it over 12 years without a lot of dings. You are right. We need to find that child deep within and dance...paint...do stand up. Take a risk and not worry that we won't be good enough. We are all better than good enough...the key is just to believe. Great post and keep dancing. j

August 26, 2010 at 7:29 PM  
Blogger Erin said...


This really spoke to me. I am turning 34 on MOnday and I really need to turn myself around (which is part of my blog makeover and all of that), for my own sake and my GIRLS' sake....I need to find that little girl inside who had a ton of confidence and danced like no one was watching!!!

August 26, 2010 at 8:30 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. Yes I tend to stop by and support/follow my fellow moms with 3 boys and/or all boys too. I loved reading your story. I used to dream of being a singer (diva if you will). I used to have a little fisher price tape player that recorded and I'd record my self singing on tapes. I had a battery powered microphone i got for xmas one year lol. I'm folllowing your blog now, liked you on facebook, and already following on twitter.

August 26, 2010 at 8:45 PM  
Blogger The Blue Zoo said...

I wanted to be a ballerina too.. But then the ballet teacher smacked my leg and I hated her and ballet.

August 26, 2010 at 9:57 PM  
Blogger Joann Mannix said...

Oh Shell, I have missed you.

And I am feeling you. I understand. I think we did better by our kids. We won't let those dreams deflate. We won't allow them to think they can't.

And yes, you need to dream that dream and dance and perhaps write. Do it. Dream.

August 27, 2010 at 10:12 AM  
Blogger Heidi said...

Dream BIG, girl!

You know, your story reminds me of my mom. The year she turned 50 she enrolled in an adult tap class (that was her favorite in dance as a girl)

I LOVE that!

August 27, 2010 at 2:07 PM  

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