Pour Your Heart Out: Week 2
In case you don't know what this is about, I'll lay it out for you. If you already know, you can skip down to below the button.
I hate that I even have to say this, but, whether you are participating or just reading, please keep in mind that the people linking really are sharing something from the heart. So, please, BE RESPECTFUL. We might not agree with each other, but we can all accept someone's right to have a different opinion than we do and NOT attack someone because of this. Play nice. :)
****
I needed tissues for some of your posts last week. And some of you made me laugh. Remember: you can write whatever it is that is on your heart. It might be a tearjerker one week and funny the next. No rules or expectations, other than for you to share something from your heart.
What I'm going to share with you today isn't really something that is going to make you reach for a tissue. But, it's something that I struggled with a lot when I was younger.
What I'm going to share with you today isn't really something that is going to make you reach for a tissue. But, it's something that I struggled with a lot when I was younger.
I am a confident woman.
I actually say things like:
Well, you do know that I'm fabulous, right?
and
Because I'm so darn cute. And smart.
and
Of course, everyone loves me.
Wait....wait...don't run away from the crazy lady on an ego trip.
Here's my secret: I used to be the most insecure person ever. Really.
I thought just about everyone I knew was better than me. Prettier, thinner, funnier, you name it.
I compared and they were fabulous while I sucked.
But, here's something that I learned along the way: listening to someone list all their shortcomings gets really old.
And, if someone acts like they aren't "good enough," well, that's how they get treated.
But, if you are comfortable with who you are and act confident, people will start to see you that way.
That's right. I'm telling you to fake it til you make it.
My roommate in college was always getting asked out on dates and asked to participate with this group and that...and I usually just tagged along, feeling like the unwanted loser.
But, do you know what? Looking back at pictures, I was just as pretty as she was. And funny and smart, too.
Though, I didn't realize it at the time. Instead, I expected that people wouldn't like me. And it made such a huge difference in the way that she and I were treated.
I wish I could go back and instill some confidence in myself. I would have had a lot more fun and not wasted so much time worrying about inconsequential things.
And now? Well, maybe I go a bit overboard with my confidence and it gets translated to arrogance.
But, if you really know me, you know that I say those things about myself in complete and total jest. And I still have my moments where I want to panic from insecurity.
I've just matured enough to shake off that insecurity and hold my head up high.
Now, please link up! And visit some of the other linkers!
Labels: pour your heart out
posted by Shell at
6:45 AM
75 Comments:
I still have a lot of those insecurity. Last week, you gave me the advice to fake it...it made me think,
Funny thing, out in public, I do fake it. Most people have no clue how insecure I am. Honest.
For some reason, I can't fake it for myself, although I am trying really hard at it.
If only we could get everyone to realize this!!! Its absolutely true, no one wants to hang around a depressing person. Thats why the "popular" people are usually the happy perky nice people rather than the miserable angry mean people. Unless of course that miserable angry mean person has a really great sense of humor, lol! Serously! And Shell you are fabulous ;D
I always pretended I was this overly confident person, while on the inside doubting every move! And still do. I somehow have never gotten to the point that I can shake off the insecurity.
Wonder if I ever will?
I used to be like that in high school and a little bit in college, and then I got over it for a while when I was in my 20s and single and hot as hell...but now it's kind of coming back again.
I'm a good faker though!
And you know I love ya and I think you're awesome!
I've been pretending for years...LOUDLY!!! I am always reminding other people how great I am...lest they forget! Glad I'm not the only impostor out there (BTW, I intend to teach my daughter the same techniques)!
I think this post is so smart! Everyone has insecurities and you're exactly right, it's how you handle them!
My motto "Walk with Purpose".
I have enjoyed your blog, Shell...a lot.
Off to pack, non-cheerleader-like....
Xoxox
Insecurities can really wreck a great situation can't they?
I can totally relate.
Keep your head up!
I have very low self confidence. And this is great advice. I need to learn how to fake it. My hubby tells me I'm pretty all the time and sometimes it makes me mad as hell cause I feel that I am not. I need to learn how to take those compliments.
I love reading your blog Shell and your are Fabulous!
I couldn't have written this better myself! Back in high school I was very insecure. It wasn't until I turned 20 or 21 that I didn't become the confident person I am today. I don't know what caused the change, but I've got to tell you - it's refreshing!
It's also funny that you mention "faking" it because that is one of the biggest bits of advice I give to my friends - especially my little sister. If you're going on a job interview and you're nervous, fake it like you have no worries and you aren't nervous. I do this when I meet opposing counsel with my attorneys. I may just be a secretary, but I am just as intelligent and confident as you. I just didn't put the money into law school like you did, lol!
That is a great post- nothing wrong with a little confidence even if you have to fake it at times ... I think what you wrote is very well said!
I would rather see a gilr faking confidence than trying to achieve it in the wrong way! Besides college is a crazy place anyways...I was always insecure until I moved away from the small town grew up in
wow, you basically described me. I am better now but i so used to be like that
I struggle with this. Not that I think I'm ugly or not smart enough or whatever, but I just don't exude "confidence" in my PERSONAL life. I think I spend so much time making sure that I am confident in my professional life, that I'm just tired and don't feel like putting in the effort on a personal level.
I used to be pretty insecure, too. I still have my moments, but today I am much more confident than, say, 10 years ago.
I've learned that is you keep faking it, over time you will believe those thoughts and your confidence will rise.
Just when I thought I couldn't love you any more... Beautifully written and definitely right on. <3
I can SO relate! There are times when I look back and I think - why was I so insecure? And I love faking it until you make it.
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
i have totally had some of those moments...looking at pics of me and friends thinking why was i like that in school...i was just as cute and funny as them. hs/college years are very trying!
Great post! I've gotten better at faking it over the years, but I still get anxious about certain types of social situations, especially when there are lots of other women involved.
I think your new-found confidence is well-deserved!
I struggle a lot of with self confidence, and the thing is, I know it's so silly! Why do I do it? It's something I am still working on. Thank you for this post.
SHell,
Fake it until you make it. That has totally been what I've been trying to do. I don't know if it's working or not, but I'm trying.
Fabulous post. I really want to do this today, but I didn't get my act together in time. Will I still be able to link up later today/this afternoon? I have a class this morning, but....would like to work on it when I get home. And if not, there's always next week!
;-)
I had a lot of the same issues when I was younger and, even now, I'm hesitant to approach a group without an explicit invitation because I'm always thinking "Could they possibly want to hang out with boring old me?"
I always struggled with self confidence as a child and then met this group of girls that thought I was awesome. Needless to say, it wasn't one of my better choices and it landed me in a TON of trouble. Now 20 years later, a husband, two kids and few close friends I can say that my image still bothers me. I wonder if anyone notices? Thank you for posting this.
Insecurity breeds mistrust and jealousy. It can really kill relationships, especially between women who should be friends. Not trying to be cryptic, but that's what's on my mind today. I think people, especially women, should focus more on what we have to offer others than the ways others may be "better" (thinner, smarter, more funny, more wealthy, etc.) than ourselves.
I realized this in full force over the past couple of years. When I got pregnant the first time, I felt like I'd become a total scatterbrain, not to mention how bad it became when I had a newborn. I talked all the time about how disorganized my classroom felt, how I was falling behind on tasks, etc. When I finally started to come out of the fog, I realized that the newest member of my grade-level team was treating me like I was a scatterbrained idiot all the time, and it was long after I'd finally gotten it together, and frankly I was never that bad on the whole (just compared to my pre-mom self). It occurred to me that I was setting myself up to be treated badly, and I have since stopped spending much time with her and stopped talking negatively about myself except with the people who know and love me best (and who also suffer from 'mommybrain' sometimes)!
Thanks for sharing your own insight!
I learned the same thing along the way, and I still struggle with 'faking it' all the time. But I know that if I act the way I feel - inferior - people will see me that way and things will never change.
I had a friend just like yours, who was MUCH more confident than me and I always felt like the tagalong. And we were treated as such because we acted as such. It was horrible and I realized after ten years that she LIKED it that way because with me acting inferior, she could BE superior. I finally ended that friendship a few years ago, and am working on rebuilding my confidence.
Thanks for the post.
I appreciate these posts so much, because, like myself, I do so much nonsense on my blog that sometimes I forget that there are real live things happening in lives all around me and it's healthy to share.
I also used to be very insecure, and sometimes still battle the "I'm not good enoughs" that like to seep in to my subconscious. Especially when I began to read other blogs. She was better. Or she had more followers. Or she was funnier. Etc. Rinse and repeat. And you know what? At the end of the day, this is just supposed to be a fun and safe place to go and play. And so that's what it is.
And along the way, I pick up these great playmates like yourself. :)
I think confidence comes with experience and maturity in some people, and just naturally in others. I feel the same as you. I have grown into my confidence. Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time to shake some sense into High School Erin or College Erin (and shake her hard) and say, "You ARE good enough! You are better than good enough. Hold your head up high and put yourself out there!"
Thanks for starting this meme. I really love it!
I can totally relate to this. I was far from confident in high school/college and I am a completely different person now than I was then.
Great post Shell. You hit the nail on the head. Loved it!
Wow! A bit of an AHA moment for me. Too bad it has taken this long for me to get that?! Oh Well! Moving forward right?! ;-) Great Post!!
I love this post.... This is exactly the same thing I battle, with almost every new situation. I absolutely subscribe to the "fake it til you make it" theory! Thanks again for a great post to participate in!!!
Me too. That's why I'm so obnoxious at times.
I think as a woman we all struggle with insecurities about things...well at least I haven't met one yet who hasn't, but I'm glad to see you conquered yours :)
Do you think its possible to have insecure days? Sometimes I do feel confident and secure but other I feel like I could just crawl in a hole....I will be doing pour your heart out next week!
Thanks for sharing that! Confidence is important. I couldn't agree more with what you said..."And, if someone acts like they aren't "good enough," well, that's how they get treated.". It's true. It doesn't always matter what you are wearing, if you have makeup on, if you are not a size 6 but if you carry yourself high so will others!
I think your awesome ;)
Ooh I am learning this the hard way. But since I am housebound most of the time I don't have to worry too much about it lol...
Great post! I admit that I struggle with feelings like that all the time. I know I am a strong, capable woman so when insecurity hits me it really throws me for a loop.
This is my first week participating. I wrote about the nasty funk I've been in despite having a great year.
I totally love that you know how to fake it like that! I need to take a cue from you.
Shell- I love your blog and part of that is I love your confidence! It is inspiring! I am a huge fan of faking it and i think tht eventually the faking becomes part of you...and that is okay!
Tessica
great post... I know I have always presented myself with the confidence everyone thinks I have. Some days/moments I have as much confidence as I need, then other days its all an act. I am trying so hard to work on that. Sometimes that smile is hard to wear. Thanks for this.
I AM SO WITH YOU!
I used to be very insecure. For lots and lots of reasons- very valid reasons. People in my life had worked really hard to tear any inkling of self confidence away from me.
I'm strong, confident, and I love who I am and all that I have to offer others. And I see nothing wrong with it and I love when I find other women who are equally confident and strong.
Great post!
thank goodness life TEACHES us to be strong and confident and prideful of all the things we accomplish :)
I linked up today for the first time :)
You go girl!! Awesome!!
A little confidence and a cute bag will take you ANYWHERE! :D
You just wrote everything I wrote last night for today. Except you did it in a very short and to the point way. Mine is too long, and I don't believe i want to post it just yet.
You just described me in your post.
Good for you. I still struggle with this from time to time. I'm going to try faking it more.
DO I link up by posting the address to my post? I am so new to this!!
http://noonan-tolosa.blogspot.com/2010/03/so-i-have-friend.html
So true! I look back at pictures when I was much thinner and always thought I was fat. I wish I had appreciated my body back then.
It is amazing how insecurities can follow us into adulthood. I always just assumed that it was limited to being a kid.
I have found that I have more insecurities the older I get. I think when I was younger I was just too dumb or stubborn to pay attention to my insecurities. Once I hit my 20's, that was when it hit me.
It is so true about faking it until you make it. I'm glad you have learned to hold your head high.
You are awesome! Good for you!
"You are not alone... I am here with you. Though we are apart... you're always in my heart!"
I don't know if those are the real words or not, but they seemed fitting.
I totally did this in college. I was confident in my ability to be the cool girl that guys wanted to hang out with, but my girlfriends were apparently much more confident in their ability to be hot. Which is why the went out A LOT MORE than I did.
I like to think I've gotten so much better at this, and I'm glad you have, too!
What a beautiful post! :) Thanks for sharing... and I love this PYHO meme! Still working on mine... been working on it all day. :O
Wow, thank you for those words! I am a very insecure person. I too used to tag along with my friends in college, they had all the fun while I stood on the sidelines. No, they were not prettier than me or smarter or better. But I made them out that way.
So I guess from now on I'll "fake it till I make it". I love that! Go confidence!
I completely agree on the faking it til you make it! It has definitely worked for me. I also agree that people will treat you how you expect to be treated. If you think you're entitled, well then... So will everyone else! And for the record, I think you are fabulous, so keep on sayin' it girl!
I'm going to quote you on that:
"Fake it til you make it"
I love it!
This is what I struggle with daily, its actually what i was trying to write in my pour your heart out post. I think self confidence is key, and I lack it but im working on it. Thanks for posting this.
Shell-Thank you so much for hosting this! Last week I didn't have time to read many of the blogs, this week I've read nearly all of them. It's so nice to read entries that are wonderously heartfelt and to realize that so many others have some of the same feelings. Thanks again!
I just did my first pour your heart out! Hope I did okay! I used my post from last night where I poured it all out about my teenagers..
I was the same way at high school. And "Fake till you make it" helped me quite a bit. Now I'm much better. I have a lot of self confidence and a lot of self esteem, I'm also a little too much self centered at times, but I'd rather be that way than the way I was back at chool. Of course I try not to go to extremes.
I was the same way in school. NO self confidence at all. I'm glad i'm not like that now and I think MOST girls are like that in High school...the ones who weren't are the motherbitches of today.
CXongrats with all the people posting your meme...I love it for you. I have a hard time doing this kind of stuff because so many people I know IRL read my blog. Maybe soon???
First off, I think you are great. I can relate to this though. I went through a short phase where I felt similar. The difference was that rather than bottle up because I felt inferior, I just got more and more outgoing. Until I was just known as the fun and crazy one, and gosh darnit, people liked me ;) Now, I am more comfortable in my skin than I ever have been.
I feel even closer to you now, Shell. Sounds a lot like me and my insecurity. We are all FABULOUS!!!
I was better at faking it when I was younger. Somewhere while I was growing up I lost it. I have been trying to find it again but it is so very, very hard!
wow shell! this thing is HUGE i have seen it all over the place! good for you!
we all have our insecurities. thank God we are awesome enough to ignore them 98 per cent of the time
Wow, I could have written this post. I have lived everything you just said. It's only in the last 5 years that I've been able to look at myself and realize that I am just as pretty and smart as some of the girls I've always been jealous of.
Btw, I'm such a loser for not participating this week. I have a post written in my head, but I just can't do it. It's about my Dad, who was in a car accident last week:(
im still working on that insecurities thing! lol but i am getting better at faking it when im not! love this post!
Hey again! You sent me so many readers lol! Any idea why my picture is what it is?! I am (again) very new to this
Thanks for this post Shell. You know, you are so right about your advice. I love the comment fake it til you make it. I am so glad I found your blog! I love your posts lady!!!!
Maybe I will do one over Easter week when I have some breathing room. Have a great day tomorrow!
fake it til you make it: perfect summary, awesome advice.
Boy I really needed this today. Thank you for the reminder and kick in the booty!
Too bad, we don't get wiser, sooner. Life would be so much simpler.
Good post, Shell.
Isn't it silly how much time we spend on some of these really exhausting emotions?
I'm glad you came into your own and that you know you're super cute and that people want to BE you.
Because, you know, I'll bet they do!
Love ya girl. Once again you wrote a post that could have been me. Isn't it great once we realize how smart, funny, sexy and hot we are?
Because I like feeling like this more than feeling like the loser I once thought I was.
Heart ya chica!
xoxo
Holy crap Shell! 50 people linked up! AMAZING! See how great you are and didn't even know it?
I think I am going to make my daughter read this post. She is so insecure in her own skin. And I don't really understand or know what to tell her to overcome it. I have always just been me. No worries with not this enough or that enough, so I just totally feel inept when trying to help her sort it all out.
I guess if I have any insecurities they fall into that Mom bucket. I know that there are Moms out there doing it better than me. Making all the right choices for their kids. Saying the right things. Knowing what to say at the right time. I just plain suck at it sometimes. Seriously, there are times when I have no words of encouragement. No idea what to say, no way to make it all better. Nothing to offer except that I love them.
I totally get it. I've been struggling with lack of confidence my whole damn life...I fake it ALL the time, and yes I try to put that smile on my face so that people think I'm happy and self assured. Sometimes I believe and sometimes I don't...I guess that's life. Great post!
http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/
I think you come across as all in jest but very sure of herself. So sure that you can jest. Your blog is very genuine- i think that's why you have so many followers- people can RELATE!!
Hey, girl!! Okay, I SOOO want to participate in this Meme next week! Didn't realize it was on Wednesdays. Bummer!
I can totally relate! The irony is that, I think, everyone always thought/thinks that I was the confident, secure one. I, on the other hand, was "the roommate" who wasn't desired... just the tag along, esp. with groups of guys.
Anywho... I ENVY your candor, Shell!! Remind me... your family doesn't know about your blog... does hubby? Any friends from HS? College? I'm sooo pissed, sorta, that I told people I have my blog, b/c I feel like I can't divulge SO MANY of my "inner secrets" b/c I've fooled them for so long! Part of me wants them to keep thinking what they always thought about me (the good things, anyway).
Anywho, thanks for sharing!!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home