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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: I Don't Want to Lose My Place

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.
Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)


My place, my space, my little corner of the world to be me.

That is what this blog has become to me.

Where I can say whatever I want, whatever I'm thinking or feeling or feel like writing about. Where I don't have to be Hubs's wife or my boys' mom or any other label you want to throw at me. I'm just me.

Because I don't have people IRL bugging me about it, asking questions, judging.

That is what I wanted and that is what I got.

For a while, at least.

Now...I'm not sure what I have.

You see, when I started blogging at Babble's Famecrawler blog, that caused my husband to see my little blogging "hobby" or timesuck or addiction or whatever else he has called it as an actual job.

Giving it credence, weight, importance in his eyes.

Enough so that he decided to tell people about it.  Whether it was telling them about Famecrawler(where there is a link to this blog in my bio) or directly about this blog...

I feel violated.

It's my hope that most won't care enough to even take a look. Or, if they do take a look, that they only glance around once and then leave and never come back. After all, if you don't blog, you don't really get it, anyway.

I still hate that what Hubs said to me was that I had written some "interesting" (yes, add all the sarcasm and irritation you want in that one word and you still won't reach the level I heard) posts recently and that that was what people he told were going to see.

And I had an immediate thought to change what I had intended to post, to hold off on posts I had in draft.

To not be me.

Because, you see, if my intent had been for this to be a blog for everyone in our real lives to read, then yes, it would be a totally different blog. 

It would be a "lite" version of me. While there hasn't been anything that I've written that would get anyone in trouble, I still wouldn't put it all out there if there was a chance that something would be thrown in my face by acquaintances.  It's not things that I share with someone that I only ever say "hey" to and nothing more.

I even thought briefly about deleting my entire blog.  I was angry. Because this was not his to share. This blog is mine. I've put an insane amount of work into it.

To not realize that opening his mouth about it without my permission would jeopardize all that I've built....

I felt like I was losing my place.

Don't worry- I'm not really going to delete my blog or let this defeat me...



Blogger Unknown said...

I think you should tell him this as well. Make him understand how his actions affected you and the respect you feel you deserve when it comes to your work.. LIke you said if you don't blog you don't get it. So if you try to make him understand he might realize how you feel about it.

January 5, 2011 at 7:11 AM  
Blogger Amethystmoon said...

Oh, I'm so sorry Shell. I understand, how you feel because I know how my blog has changed after being attacked by some people that knew me and read my blog about some crap that had gone on around me. As much as I fought it and said "this is who I am and this is what I write, deal with it!" the little voice inside me has made me question what I post. It is no longer just me, it is a version of me. I'm glad to hear you're not quitting because you're great. Just try not to let it change you too much, and definitely talk it over with hubby. Hugs to you!

January 5, 2011 at 7:17 AM  
Blogger Theodora Ofosuhima said...

I feel so good reading your post!

Sometimes my hub doesn't get it either. And I am glad I can partecipate in PYHO today and share the reason I choose to be tight about my identity.

Thanks for sharing this post and I hope you never delete you blog :)!

January 5, 2011 at 7:18 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

I sure hope you made it clear how much he hurt you.

I don't get why most men don't try yo be empathetic. Only time I consistently seen men be empathetic is when they witness another male having his "family jewels" violated in some form.

Sorry you have had to rethink things because of someone else's actions.

January 5, 2011 at 7:38 AM  
Blogger Joann Mannix said...

I am always in awe of the way you do, totally put your whole heart out there. I understand.

When I discover that certain people are reading my blog sometimes, it almost compromises my writing. Instead of just letting me pour forth, for a minute, I think about guarding my words, but I never do, as hard as that might be.

He doesn't get it. Most of them don't. I had to kick my husband under the table when he started encouraging my mother in law to read my blog.

I'm sorry your husband acted without thinking. Men are so oblivious to something called feelings. Don't compromise. Know that you have something valuable to say and as hard as it is, stay strong and write hard.

January 5, 2011 at 7:53 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

I'm so sorry! I'm in the other boat in that everyone in my real life knows about my blog, and it definitely censors what I feel like I can write. Husband constantly encourages me to just write what I want anyway, but knowing MIL, etc. are reading makes it difficult. I've thought about creating another blog, but I don't know if I'd have the energy to start all over ...

I hope you can figure out what works best for you,but please ... please, don't delete your entire blog! You're a staple in a lot of our lives!

January 5, 2011 at 7:54 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

One of the best things about your blog (and the things I'm most jealous of) is that no one knows about it. He just outed you!!!

January 5, 2011 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger BNM said...

oh Shell I know exactly how you feel. When a family member snooped and found mine i felt so violated and to tell you the truth i STILL dont feel as comfortable posting some things because I know they are there! I dont get why people dont understand... if i wanted you here id give you the link ya know!!!

January 5, 2011 at 8:03 AM  
Anonymous Ashley said...

To my knowledge, no one I know reads my blog. They could probably find it and I don't know what I would say or do, but I'm guessing it would be very similar to this.

My fiance is pretty clear on that I don't feel the need to be sharing this with my family. I hope it stays that way.

I know it's impossible to not let it change you, even just a little bit. It's tough when what you were comfortable with changes so much. But just adjust to it. Make posts private, have an anonymous blog, do something that makes you feel you again.

Best of luck!

January 5, 2011 at 8:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am guessing as long as he didn't send out the link no one will go looking for it.



January 5, 2011 at 8:26 AM  
Blogger Katina said...

Hmmm, I totally understand where you are coming from. I probably should have hid my identity a little more. We will definately see after my post for tomorrow but I like you just put my heart out there!

You never know, it could be a blessing in disguise.

January 5, 2011 at 8:54 AM  
Blogger Holly said...

I know what you mean. I am usually pretty low key, but in some moods I really BLOW!! I think the last time I participated here is when that got me into trouble... I was ATTACKED by family members and what I'd said wasn't even that big of a deal. So now I feel like I have to "FAKE it" ALL the time EVERY WHERE!! *sigh* So, I can understand your feeling betrayed and like you've been robbed of your safe haven to just be you... in the RAW... Take it or leave it...

Here's to hoping they all lost the URL and aren't into reading blogs so don't hunt for finding it! (((HUGS)))

January 5, 2011 at 9:03 AM  
Blogger Beth Zimmerman said...

Dealing with some of those same struggles though they come from a different direction. I just recently decided that holding all of my words inside and refusing to write was adding to my depression. Not EASY to keep being open, when you aren't sure where it will lead, but I think that for those of us who truly have the HEART of a writer/blogger ... it's essential!

Stay strong, Shell! We all need your encouragement to keep sharing those "things we can't say" that threaten to overwhelm us if we keep swallowing them!


January 5, 2011 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger MommyLovesStilettos said...

Several people IRL know about my blog now. And it makes me feel really weird.

January 5, 2011 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger The Random Blogette said...

I have a hard time posting about stuff because I have a lot of people IRL that read it. But this is your space my dear. I hope that your husband knows exactly how upset you are. I am sorry that your personal space has been violated. But please don't change how honest that you are. I know it will be hard. It is hard for me and I know everyone is reading my blog.

January 5, 2011 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

A few months ago I posted something that came pretty close to starting a bunch of family drama. And at Christmas a cousin was talking about something she read on my blog. That's when it really hit me that I would feel just you do if these people found out about my more personal blog.

I hope nothing comes of this. At the very least, I'd let your husband read this post so he can really see how he made you feel.

January 5, 2011 at 9:38 AM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

Don't change the way you are through your writing. Your words speaks volumes in my corner of the universe. My husband told his boss's wider about my blog and I felt like I had to almost censor it...but know what? I do this for me first and foremost.

January 5, 2011 at 9:40 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

I totally get what you're saying. How frustrating and disappointing. ((HUGS)) to you.

January 5, 2011 at 10:02 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Shell, I'm soooooo sorry! I would be so angry and deflated! You worked so hard to keep it anon, and then with one simple uttering from his lips, it all changed.

Hugs to you!!

January 5, 2011 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger MrsJenB said...

Oh NO! Poor thing. I'm horrified for you. But I agree - you need to hang tough and be true to YOU. It is so hard sometimes to self-censor...there are so many things I wish I could share, wish I could get off my chest...you're so lucky that you get to do that, I'm sure it makes you that much better a wife and mother that you have an outlet like this. And you've worked hard. You deserve it.

January 5, 2011 at 10:56 AM  
Blogger Emmy said...

Oh I am so so sorry!! Please don't ever delete your blog. And yes I have always envied your ability to speak freely and what you want. I am so sorry if that has been taken away from you.

January 5, 2011 at 11:04 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

And he probably doesn't even understand a lick of what he did.

I'm sorry. That sucks.

January 5, 2011 at 11:04 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

Oh Girl- welcome to my life. My biggest regret is giving my family the web address. I second guess most of what I post. This year? I am determined to NOT CARE. Also? I just don't talk about my blog anymore, so if they are reading stuff, they generally don't have an opening to discuss it with me...

January 5, 2011 at 11:06 AM  
Blogger Tracie Nall said...

I am so so sorry that he outed you.

I totally get it.

My husband did the same thing about a year ago.

I clammed up. I questioned everything I had written and everything I planned to write.

I nearly deleted.

I was so angry. So hurt. Violated is a good word.

You were so careful to keep it close and anonymous.

You are right that most non-bloggers don't "get it" and don't stick around and come back over and over again. You do have that going for you. As long as he doesn't continue to bring it up and talk about it, hopefully their interest will pass and you won't have any issues.

January 5, 2011 at 11:10 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

Sorry my friend, that really sucks. Have you talked to him about it?

January 5, 2011 at 11:23 AM  
Blogger Foursons said...

Oh wow. I feel your pain. I really, really do. I always admired that you started out anonymous and had remained that way.

January 5, 2011 at 11:32 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Isn't it crazy to know that we censor ourselves so much in our "real lives" that the thought of anyone we know reading our blogs - where we're more true to ourselves freaks us out.

But I agree, your husband inadvertently invaded your sanctuary. I hope he understands why you're upset about him telling people.

At some rate, if you continue to grow your blog and grow your readership, there will be people who find you, unless you never post photos of yourself or ever use your real name. I think that's just the nature of the beast. It doesn't make it any weirder when people come up to you and express that they've found your blog. My ex fiancée did that to me a month or so ago. Creeper. lol ;)

January 5, 2011 at 11:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww, I'm sorry Shell. I can tell this really hurt you and I think you should tell him that.

However, I guess I can't totally relate. My husband doesn't even read my blog, but he knows i have one. My family and friends, do read it. And I don't really care. My blog is a piece of me and I am not ashamed of it, and in my opinion, nor should you be. You are a wonderful writer, and you are sincere.

If the people in your life only want to know the pretty part of you that doesn't have much to say then they are seriously missing out and if people want someone who says nothing, perhaps they should buy themselves a barbie or something.

January 5, 2011 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Kir said...

wow Shell, you know lately I've really been questioning my decision to NOT be anonymous on my blog and event thinking that I would start a new one that is one where only people I really want there...or one where i could truly just be "ME"..without wondering that I what I write will hurt, affect or violate someone IRL.

I know exactly how you feel. My blog started with Infertility and while I still write about it, I am also a mom now..to twins...so I can write about infertility all i want, but I also have to write about parenthood and marriage and sex (or lack of) and I don't know if I want people (other than all of you) reading all that. To know me inside.

I'm sorry he did that..while I love your blog and share it all the time with other bloggers, I understand not wanting others inside unless invited by you.


January 5, 2011 at 11:43 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

This is why I haven't even told my husband.

Sucks it's happened to ya girl. Here's hoping no one clicks over. You can always say "who the hell you talkin' aboot?"

January 5, 2011 at 11:51 AM  
Blogger Farah Jasmine said...

I'm not sure why this annoys me. I have so wanted to post pictures of me and the boys on the blog, so that all of you could see a little bit more of me and my life, but I hesitate because really, I want to vent and say what I want without the exposure. I have intentionally not told any family about Mothers' Hideaway because I don't want everyone in my business, to know my secrets, to see me struggle and while it may make me feel lonely...it still is safer than their judgment and prejudices.

I would tell your husband how you feel and maybe, just maybe, he's stfu :)

January 5, 2011 at 11:55 AM  
Anonymous Craig said...

I get this. I really do. This is YOUR place. You need YOUR place. I get how you must feel that your place has been broken into - and you just know people who shouldn’t be there, have been in every corner.

Whether it has – or will actually happen – it feels like a breach. I’m sorry Shell. I have prayed. I want this breach contained, I want you to feel safe. I’ll pray more. You deserve YOUR place.

God bless and keep you

January 5, 2011 at 12:06 PM  
Blogger Mass Hole Mommy said...

Wow...I feel like I could have written this post. Almost the same thing happened to me. I wanted to stay anonymous & now everyone knows about it, so I have to censor what I say and I hate that. I've thought about starting another blog, but I just don't have time for that, you know? Did you tell yout husband how you feel? Or will he read this? I am curious if he realizes what he caused.

January 5, 2011 at 12:18 PM  
Blogger Brandi said...

Sometimes they don't think before they speak and/or they just don't understand this blogging stuff to begin with.

My husband is a 'say it to your face' kinda person, so he doesn't understand feeling like you have to be censored. I've caught him on the phone with extended family telling them about my blog and I always have to shake my head and mouth 'NO, NO, NO!'

Sorry, girl.

January 5, 2011 at 12:45 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

This post makes me want to ask the question, why do you feel like you can't be the real you with real life people reading?

To me, this post is saying that there are 2 of you, 2 personalities. One that you put out there for the general public and the the real you.

Why not just be you all the time and if real life people don't like that, then to hell with them.

At least, that is what I have learned with me and my blog and not blogging anonymously.

(I am not asking this question in a mean or judgmental way, I am purely curious and just got this thought when I read the post.)

January 5, 2011 at 12:46 PM  
Blogger Macey said...

Ugh. There are so many people who I don't want to see my blog.

January 5, 2011 at 1:13 PM  
Blogger VandyJ said...

My hubby knows about my blog, but he also knows it's where I go to let off stream from life and the things that happen in it. He has not told anyone that I blog, and I have only mentioned it to a couple of people who, I'm sure have not gone looking for it. So sorry you have to deal with this. Keep at it, we enjoy your writing too much to have it gone.

January 5, 2011 at 1:20 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

I don't censor myself and I'm not anonymous and people who I knew professionally to moms of my kids' classmates to neighbors to old friends to new friends - they all have access to it.

But the only one who bugs me? My mother. She wants to discuss what is on there (I don't) and there are things I might not post because of that. And it really, really pisses me off.

I get not wanting casual acquaintances to read you, but really, not giving a shit what anyone thinks is a great liberator.

January 5, 2011 at 1:50 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Ohhhh honey!! YOU need to be YOU! Enough said. You have your "place" and we all love your blog. If those people decide to read and confront and read and whatever....you just be YOU....and it will all be fine. I'm thinking your hubby was speaking out because he's proud of you....right?

January 5, 2011 at 2:02 PM  
Blogger diane rene said...

I totally understand what you are saying.

someone found my blog through my email address @@ really??

and they promptly called me to ask what I meant when I said, "blah blah blah"

the post was old

and I had no clue where they were coming from, or better, why it was any of their business?

then it dawned on me, and I became paranoid about what I might possibly have vented about over the last two years. not that I talk crap about people in my life, but sometimes getting things off my chest comes out ... hurtful ... and the people I "know" that read my blog, know this about me and they get it.

this person? not so much

and my hubby?? oh hell, no way does he know I have a blog ;0)

January 5, 2011 at 2:02 PM  
Blogger TheBabyMammaChronicles said...

Shell, I'm sorry! I can imagine how you must feel. I hope you get through this with little impact and I am glad you are sticking around! We got your back ;)

January 5, 2011 at 2:12 PM  
Blogger The Mommyologist said...

Don't be afraid of who reads your blog, and don't be afraid of being YOU. If IRL people read it and have a problem, then they aren't worth it to begin with.

Not gonna lie, I have lost friends, and seen some of my friendships grow apart since I started getting really active with my blog, but it's who I am, and I'm not going to change, and if they don't accept that, then I don't need those people in my life anyway!!

January 5, 2011 at 2:33 PM  
Blogger The Queen said...

I just deleted an entire blog because someone outed me... it's not fun starting over and losing all your readers.. but it was my choice to do so...I admire your choice not to..

January 5, 2011 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger Eternal Lizdom said...

I can identify a little. I never intended for my blog to be anonymous- I've always just been who I am. But I only shared my blog info with people who didn't really know me. Eventually, my mom discovered my blog and so did my brothers, my brother's girlfriend, my aunt, and more. When people who didn't know me very well shared that they'd read my blog, I liked it. When my mom would talk about my blog, I was uncomfortable. I started kind of screening what I opted to share- knowing my mom was reading.

But as my blog has grown, I've found I kind of have to censor myself anyway. As I get more involved in my community and get more opportunities wtih my blog... I don't know, I feel like I'm getting to a point where there is more of a purpose starting to develop.

I won't say that I hold back- when I'm passionate about something, I definitely share. I'm just mindful of who my audience is...

January 5, 2011 at 3:07 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Oh no. I'm sorry, Shell. So sorry. My husband knows where my blog is but I am pretty sure he doesn't read it. The only IRL person I told about it was my SIL, who I can say anything to, and I have some friends who I know - but don't have to censor myself for - so I can't imagine but I often think about what it'd be like. I hope that you stay YOU and that you don't get overloaded with RL peeps stalking or anything. {Hugs} Mama.

January 5, 2011 at 3:37 PM  
Blogger TornadoTwos said...

oh that totally stinks, I'm so sorry! There are LOTS of things I do not write about on my blog, sentences I go back and delete, simply because I know that people I know IRL will be reading it. I would be so upset if I had an annonymous place to write what I wanted and then it was suddenly made public. :(

January 5, 2011 at 3:43 PM  
Blogger AiringMyLaundry said...

I'm sorry.

I'm glad you aren't deleting your blog. I'd really miss it.

January 5, 2011 at 3:58 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

I hate when something like this happens. I had this happen a few years ago and apparently even though I never wrote anything bad in it, some people didn't like that it was public. So now I have a more private one for things that are deemed so and then this one that I meet people and talk to, etc.

January 5, 2011 at 4:08 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Oh man! That sucks! I love that this is your anonymous place to vent, share, etc. Kinda jealous, actually. Buck up kiddo! This does not define you....scare 'em away. Be so honest and rogue that they turn on their heels and run away!!

January 5, 2011 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger Di said...

Yuck - that's rough. I went through the same thing since Dh's family would take things I posted on FB literally and didn't understand the nuances behind them. I finally decided that my right to vent is mine and if they don't like what they are reading they can choose not to read it. I wasn't going to stop because of them!

January 5, 2011 at 4:50 PM  
Blogger Adelle said...

I linked up today - I just discovered this and (I hope this is ok) I immediately thought of the post I wrote on Sunday. I'll try to keep them Wednesday posts from now on, but that one was truly a Pour Your Heart Out kind of post...

As for yours - I've been there a time or two. When my sons teachers comment "Oh, I read your blog!" or someone comments that my posts have been really depressing lately - I wonder - should I liven things up a bit? What are "they" going to think if I post this? But I usually just forget it all and keep writing what's on my mind and heart - sometimes it IS depressing. Sometimes it's not. But it's all just me. Stick with you. WE like you.

January 5, 2011 at 5:06 PM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

I understand how you feel because there are days when I write posts and leave them as drafts because I have two people I know IRL reading it. Everything I have written is true and from the heart and I wish I had the courage to put the rest out there.
I really wish I hadn't told one person about it because she is just nosy. Only reading what I write and never writing posts of her own.
I'll bet that the people your hubs told this to probably will do as you said. Randomly read and not get interested. Some people just don't understand blogging.
Please don't stop blogging and don't let this affect what and how you write. You are amazing.

January 5, 2011 at 5:37 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I've had people tell others about mine too. I have so many family members who read it now that I don't blog anything like I did when I first started.
Don't stop blogging...I'd miss you.

January 5, 2011 at 5:47 PM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

I'm so glad that you aren't quitting or deleting! But I'm also so sad for you that you have been outed, invaded and exposed! I hope that your husband is able to understand these feelings. I too am sure they will mostly peek around and leave because they don't get it.

January 5, 2011 at 5:49 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Please stick it out I would be so sad if you deleted this blog. That being said, I can see how you would be very hurt and feel more guarded about what you write. Hang in there girl!

January 5, 2011 at 5:52 PM  
Blogger Mindy said...

I can really relate to this...except I did it to myself. My blog is so many things, but one of them is not a total free place to say whatever i want. My hubby is really encouraging of blogging, thankfully, and recently suggested I start an anonymous space not connected to me so I could use it as a different way to express myself. I need to get on top of it, but haven't come up with a blog name yet.

January 5, 2011 at 6:18 PM  
Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Oh Hugs! That's so frustrating and I'd feel violated too. Sometimes I wonder if anyone has 'found me out' and sometimes I think about telling others, but you are right, that would change the way I post, so I don't.

January 5, 2011 at 7:01 PM  
Blogger Chantele said...

i don't blame you for being upset. i always wonder if people know that i'm blogging. google's a bitch sometimes.

i'm linking up, a new blog. following you! :)

January 5, 2011 at 7:30 PM  
Blogger Melinda said...

I'm so sorry, Shell ... My blog is not anonymous, so I do feel like I have to censor myself all the time. I've always thought that it would be nice to have the freedom you have here. And it's obvious how much thought, time and effort you give to making this a safe place for your readers, too.

I hope you'll be able to explain this to your hubby and that you'll not lose the freedom you have here.

January 5, 2011 at 7:58 PM  
Blogger The Nice One said...

I am kind of in the same place.
I made the mistake of telling my mother. Who told my cousin and SIL. And hell, I would like to talk about THEM openly and honestly sometimes. I'd also like to talk about things that I don't WANT them to know about.

January 5, 2011 at 8:28 PM  
Blogger Liz Mays said...

You know I've been there, so I know how uncomfortable that feeling is. I'm sorry that you had your world opened up without your permission. I truly am.

January 5, 2011 at 8:48 PM  
Blogger Simoney said...

Oh Shell, that sucks.
I am in a different kind of predicament where I have known all along that my hubby's family (and my RL freinds) read my blog and that has been fine by me, if they want to meet me as I am that's OK.
I put my journey with depression "out there" but because I know RL people read it, I have held back on sharing EVERYTHING. No marriage stuff, at least not the crappy side! So i fugure i am walking the middle line, pretty honest but no dirty laundry. Then my motherinlaw comes to stay for SIX WEEKS from england. My husband is her only child. My kids are her only grandchildre. I am battling a bad bout of low days. And she is witness to it all and now decides that I paint too pretty a picture on my blog. Arrrghhh! Did she really want me bloggin about her bitching? Her nagging? Her judging?? Yeah, I try to publish my own honest tales but let other people keep theirs to themselves.
So I am in sympathy and half wishing my blog was private. But why should i do that to myslef after all my hard work? And other mothers "get it". they relate. So no, I will not change for her. If she wants to read and judge, well let her.
I hope you figure it all out. xx

January 5, 2011 at 9:11 PM  
Blogger For the Love of Naps - Sarah said...

Oooo! Yikes! I can imagine your stress. I always think how wonderful for you to have this space to write about all the things I would love to write about but can't because I have friends and family that read it. I am glad you are feeling confident in your blog because it is great! But I can imagine that it is a little scary. I paniced the other day that someone in particular might gain access to my blog and so I went back a ways and had to delete something I typed.

January 5, 2011 at 10:41 PM  
Blogger Not a Perfect Mom said...

wow...I don't even know what to say...what a violation of privacy..
My hubs tried to get me to change my "tone" of the blog, to be more cutesy and less real...it really drives me nuts...
my blog, my voice, my words...
don't encourage people to read it!
Just breathe in and out...

January 5, 2011 at 10:44 PM  
Blogger Daisygirl said...

and for a similar reason I had to delete my last blog...which I loved and had built up quite a following! I learned though not to care so much...I know how you feel but am so happy you have decided not to delete your blog because its awesome girl....and guys are just so dumb sometimes!

January 5, 2011 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger Cyndy Bush said...

I totally understand where you're coming from. I created my blog as a place to express my feelings, and made it anonymous, used goofy nicknames, etc. But it didn't take long at all for someone to discover it who I did NOT want reading it. It's totally affected the way I blog, and I think I'd be a better blogger if she wasn't reading. It impedes my creativity and openness. And it sucks.
I am glad you're not giving up though!

January 5, 2011 at 11:31 PM  
Blogger Sharlene T. said...

I most certainly didn't mean to be Anonymous above. When I went to sign out, I didn't get my usual option of name and email address. Let's try it, again.

January 5, 2011 at 11:56 PM  
Blogger Venassa said...

Oh no. I can relate to this a bit as I kept mine mostly private for almost a year before I told a few close friends, even then telling them to keep it a secret. I just don't want ever acquaintance reading my thoughts.
You could write really boring stuff for awhile and scare those new people away. I'm so glad you're sticking around, but sorry you kind of got 'outed'.

January 6, 2011 at 12:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. So SO SO sorry. Because that sucks. And nothing I can say can make it suck less. But you know how much you make your corner of the Internet shine. And that makes a whole lot of people, including me, happy. So I'm glad you're sticking with us. 'Cause we love you.

January 6, 2011 at 12:35 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Hey - anonymous was me! I strangely can't get Name/URL to work. Clearly I'm just technology stupid tonight!

January 6, 2011 at 12:36 AM  
Blogger Hutch said...

I so hope you don't change or delete the blog! It's really too bad your hubs had to go and do that, but maybe

January 6, 2011 at 1:22 AM  
Blogger Hutch said...

whoops published before I finished, anyway. Maybe the people IRL will have as positive of a reaction as your readers.

January 6, 2011 at 1:23 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

It was wrong of him to do that...I feel for you...It must have hurt you big time. No one gets blogging unless they are in it so hopefully if they look they won't know how to navigate their way through...hang in there girl!

January 6, 2011 at 1:40 AM  
Blogger kc said...

oh Shell! I did that, I deleted my blog because someone found out and then it was all about them being offended by what was written there. And then I realized I have a right to my feelings, my thoughts, and I have a right to put those thoughts and feelings out there if I need to. I came to the realization that I was offended that anyone would try to censor what I was saying when all I was doing was trying to be real. Now, I am sorry that I do not have all of my old posts...that I only saved some of them. I guess what I am trying to say is that even if others do come and check out your blog, you are being true to yourself and at the end of the day that matters.

January 6, 2011 at 1:58 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oooh, did you hit a nerve with this one! Sorry for the late reply, I honestly thought I had replied earlier! YOUR space. YOUR hard work. You have become an inspiration for so many of us, and as you grow, expand and reach new heights, continue to inspire other bloggers, big and small. This is and will continue to be your success- and you have earned every.single.minute.

Tell hubs to gossip about something else.

January 6, 2011 at 6:21 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh wow! That's big! I can see how you feel invaded. I hope you're able to keep this space try to you. Even if you do have creepers.

January 6, 2011 at 8:21 AM  
Anonymous heidi @ wonder woman wannabe said...

Oh, that's tough hun. I know how you feel. My blog isn't annon, but I don't 'advertise' that I write on it either for many of the same reasons you shared. I GET it.

Take heart, your hubby was probably just feeling proud of you - wanting to share your glory with others. Maybe you could 'gently' let him know your hearts desire for this space so he can help respect that??

January 6, 2011 at 10:02 AM  
Anonymous Emily said...

My DH reads my blog. I do not let new people know about my blog. I let one new friend in, thinking, "I'll never have anything to blog about her", when suddenly her father drops the "N" word at me at Thanksgiving dinner!

Knowing she read my blog, I posted this piece about casual racism among white people on Technorati and did not promote it on my blog, so she could not read it. I'd rather tell a stranger I blog!

Another time, I published a blog about how much of a hard time my family gave me about being sick, how they did not believe me and how much it hurt. Unfortunately the blogger used my real name! There was quite an uproar but it died down soon since what I wrote was true.

I guess it's too late to change your name?

January 6, 2011 at 11:24 AM  
Anonymous Emily said...

For Holly @ Diamond Potential: I could not comment on your blog so I hope you see this:

Mental Illness is all around me. In my husband, my best friend, and in me too. I have a possible bi-polar diagnosis, depression and anxiety. I was a complete mess before my meds. My life was torturerous. I also suffered from many PP issues, seems like my head never got 'straightened' after that.

My friend and husband are so much worse off than me. They both can no longer work due to MI.

I agree, we MUST erase the stigma of MI. Usually when I post about MI, I get so many thank you posts from those needlessly suffering.

I am not ashamed at all, I love my husband and my friend is amazing and we are all crazy.

January 6, 2011 at 11:49 AM  
Anonymous Emily said...

For Holly @ Diamond Potential: I could not comment on your blog so I hope you see this:

Mental Illness is all around me. In my husband, my best friend, and in me too. I have a possible bi-polar diagnosis, depression and anxiety. I was a complete mess before my meds. My life was torturerous. I also suffered from many PP issues, seems like my head never got 'straightened' after that.

My friend and husband are so much worse off than me. They both can no longer work due to MI.

I agree, we MUST erase the stigma of MI. Usually when I post about MI, I get so many thank you posts from those needlessly suffering.

I am not ashamed at all, I love my husband and my friend is amazing and we are all crazy.

January 6, 2011 at 11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Convene in poker room, casino and sportsbook with one Username. I discovered it totally usefull and straightforward to grasp as I am not home-grown english speaker. http://tinyurl.com/34q69d2

January 7, 2011 at 8:45 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I know this post is a few days old but I had to come and comment. This so upset me! As another blogger who has kept it fairly annon (just put my real face on twitter a few months ago...and NONE of my family or friends know I blog) This breaks my heart! I hope the entire thing blows over, you don't have to change your writing style, and that Hubby learned his lesson!

January 7, 2011 at 9:33 AM  
Blogger Mrs4444 said...

This is a real bummer. I think you're right, though; most people will just poke in and lose interest because they just don't get it. Still, I'm sorry that you feel inhibited now.

January 8, 2011 at 11:07 PM  
Blogger Karin Katherine said...

YES---so tough to think about your private blog being something people IRL read regularly. I felt the same way when I found out my stepdaughters read my blog thanks to hubby blabbing the url.

Oh well.

Others would say you shouldn't write anything that you wouldn't want people IRL to know...but I understand how the writing is different when you aren't constantly censoring yourself. Or overthinking everything.

Just keep letting your writing evolve as you wish. You'll handle it and be better for it.

January 9, 2011 at 8:12 PM  
Blogger shortmama said...

I know how hard that is, where you feel like you have to hold things back. I was facing that last year knowing some of my family members read my blog and not speaking about things going on in my life. I finally had to just say screw it...I need this...to say what I want and not feel like I might be offending someone

January 9, 2011 at 8:15 PM  
Blogger Alexandra said...

No wonder you have clost to 90 comments here.

I hope no one I know IRL ever discovers my blog.

Because I like having my space...and I'm so glad, tht I still have my space.

But I love how you are going to continue yours because I know what you mean when you say, "insane amt of hours."

Oh, yes, the insane amount of hurs put into your blog.

You can't delete it....it is why we come here...your honesty. You're always honest, Shell...that is very attractive.

January 10, 2011 at 2:03 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I can totally imagine that crushing blow. I've only been reading a few months and I KNOW you put a lot of work in this. And I think most of your readers would agree that we like living vicariously through your anonymous blogging... saying all the things that the rest of us think but can't say out loud.

I hope you can keep up your secret act Mrs. Oz.

January 12, 2011 at 7:25 AM  

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