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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out: A Glass At His Own Pace

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.
But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.
Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.
Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)


Along with all the other holiday festivities, my Bear had a preschool Christmas program.

He has been singing all of the songs since early November. He loves to sing.

But, the schoolday before his Christmas program, his teacher informed me that he would not sing any of them during their dress rehearsal. And that they had thought about having him sit and watch with us instead of being on stage.

My heart dropped.  My Bear, who loves to sing? Not letting him up on the stage?

But, they decided to let him try.

When the day came, he came out with his class and stood up on the bench in the second row and sang and smiled and hit that little triangle along with "The First Noel."

I started to tear up, seeing him doing so well.

The next song, his class had to sit down for and let the younger kids have their turn. But, he ended up still singing "Hot chocolate, hot chocolate" and making all the motions anyway. I had to hide my smile.

But, for the next song that he was supposed to get up and sing...he didn't want to. He sat down and put his head down on the bench.  His teacher was behind him, trying to encourage him to get up and sing.

At least he was in the back row where you couldn't really see that he wasn't participating.

But, I hated it for him. I hate that my child who loves to sing didn't want to.

I started to think about the differences between him and other kids his age and if he'd really be able to handle kindergarten next year. He's come so far since his initial diagnosis of lead poisoning, but that doesn't mean that he has caught up with his peers.

But, then I saw another child in his class, standing in the front row. And I realized that that child hadn't sung a word during the entire program. That he just stood there, staring. So, it's not just my child who wasn't singing. And I looked around- there were others.

It's just that when it's your child, you tend to notice more.

His teacher did say that when they went over to practice getting in their spots earlier in the day, Bear had belted out all of the words to all of the songs, solo.

And when it came time for the last song, he did sing.

It all has to be on his time, his choice. And that's something I need to remember.



Blogger Steph said...

Shell, as you know, for ALL kids it's in their own time. And it's ok. ♥

Awesome that he loves to sing!

I bet the program was adorable.

December 29, 2010 at 7:31 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Why would they even consider having him sit out??? That's horrible!

When you're a teacher, you're supposed to include everyone...e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e.! Not just the kids who are going to make your performance perfect.

My mother was a music teacher for years and she had kids throw up, pass out, stare, lay down, scream hello to their parents, and all sorts of other things. They're KIDS for God's sake!

I'm proud of you for stepping outside of your own situation for a minute (b/c that can be hard to do) and really taking a look around. It's good to see the whole picture...I'll bet he did great singing or not singing...I don't think I could get up in front of that many people and sing!

December 29, 2010 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

I too notice what my kids are not doing correctly before I notice anyone else's kids. I think it is natural, we are most responsible for shaping our kids. Therefore we spend a lot of time being critical of them.

Kids aren't ever going to be perfect. In preschool/kindergarten many are still "moody" enough to do things their own way. As they get older most will work through it.

I do think it's awful that they would consider having a child sit out of it though.

December 29, 2010 at 8:14 AM  
Blogger Life Without Pink said...

Awe Shell sounds like he did an awesome job. That takes a lot to get up in front of everyone and sing...and I give him lots of credit for doing such a great job. How magically it must be to see him do that? I wish my son had a Christmas show like that, however I dont think he could sit there either and I would probably be hiding in my seat :)

December 29, 2010 at 8:17 AM  
Blogger Renegades said...

I wasn't in any hurry to rush eithe or mine to school. Our oldest has asthma and we decided to not start her until she was six and the years difference made such a difference. She went from being in and out of the hospital to on the right meds in that year and she had better attendence then had we been in a rush to start her.

Just some thoughts.

To me it's each parents decision.

However, they grow up so fast isn't another year with them home a gift?

December 29, 2010 at 8:33 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

All kids do things at their own pace, but it is our own that we notice first. During my kids' show I noticed a 2nd grader who just stood there on the top row, pale as a ghost.

I don't agree with sitting him out, so I'm glad he sang his little heart out.

December 29, 2010 at 9:00 AM  
Blogger BNM said...

all kids do things differently, maybe he just didnt like that particular song lol!

December 29, 2010 at 9:02 AM  
Blogger Crisc said...

Aww Ive seen a lot of pictures on FB of other kids his age , looking mad and refusing to sing. I just think maybe sometimes they get nervous. I'd feel the same way as you if it was my daughter cause she loves to sing as well =)

December 29, 2010 at 9:11 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I have one of those too. A child who needs to do things in his own time.

December 29, 2010 at 9:11 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

I think we all do that, no matter the age or circumstance ... we pay most attention to what's going on with our own kids. And that's okay. The important part is that it sounds like he enjoyed himself. I'll bet his memory will be of being in the program and not even that he didn't sing a song or two ...

December 29, 2010 at 9:20 AM  
Blogger The Random Blogette said...

I think that it is so cute that he loves to sing so much! peanut used to have programs for every holiday in preschool and there were several times where she didn't sing or messed around during the performance and she was the oldest one in her class and a total show-off. And she loves to sing so maybe he just wasn't feeling it at that time.

I am upset that they even thought about not letting him sing. He has come so far and I am so happy that they let him sing. Bear is going to do great things one day. You just wait and see Shell!

December 29, 2010 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger Frugal Vicki said...

Such a good reminder. I tend to try and push and push and push and just make things worse when if I just leave my kiddo alone, he will do it in his own time. And that is perfectly okay.

December 29, 2010 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...


sometimes we tend to be frustrated with our kids because we expect too much from them.

Even I sometimes I push them too hard, but I learned to be patient with them.

happy new yr!

December 29, 2010 at 10:05 AM  
Anonymous Megan (Best of Fates) said...

Sounds to me like he did a great job - definitely worthy of pride!

December 29, 2010 at 10:14 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Year before last my son's teacher did the Christmas play. In the class was a highly autistic boy who wanted desperately to sing with everyone, but with the autism and all the hub bub going on was having issues with his tics. The teacher still allowed him the ability to participate. When he got off track , or overstimulated my son would gently touch his arm. The child would look at Devin alone for a few seconds while continuing to sing. I was never so proud of my son. He knew how important it was for this child to just be included and he did what he could to ensure he had that experience. I heard many parents clicking their tongues and assuming the boy was just a bad kid. I being the mean momma bear I am quickly spun around and bit off heads through gritted teeth and politely pointed out THEIR child who forgot their lines, could not sit still or best of all kept grabbing their crotch ON STAGE to pull out wedgies. Yeah they shut up.

December 29, 2010 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

What a sweetie-poo. I guess it's his party, and he'll sing if he wants too!

December 29, 2010 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

At first I was super frustrated that his teacher was not going to let him even try- then I calmed down and read the rest. I think (you know, being the childless expert that I am, LOL)that his behavior seemed perfectly "normal" for a little kid on a big stage. Good for him!!!

December 29, 2010 at 10:55 AM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

I'm curious too why she would ask him to sit out? I know you've mentioned some of his 'problems' before but I can't place why not singing.

I'm glad he got up and sang a bit!

I used to lip sync during my choral concerts. I don't know what it was, fine in rehearsals but lip syncing the big show.

December 29, 2010 at 11:04 AM  
Blogger TheBabyMammaChronicles said...

Performing in front of a crowd is scary! Sounds like he did awesome to me! Heck, maybe he just didn't like the songs he didn't sing, or was giving the other kids a chance to be heard since otherwise he outshines them :)

December 29, 2010 at 11:11 AM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

I think it's awesome that he loves to sing. Just remember, just like adults, kids will do things when they want to and when they feel like it ;)

December 29, 2010 at 11:28 AM  
Anonymous Craig said...

Shell, It really does sound like he did well - better than the boys standing and not singing. You know, I never would have ever given a second thought to lead poisoning if not for finding your space here. I hear ads on the radio now that I never paid attention to before. This makes me realize that if you raised awareness for me – well we can multiply that by a whole bunch. You are a terrific mom – and your voice is heard. Your bear sounds like he’s gettin’ the job done. God bless you both – and all of yours. Thank you.

December 29, 2010 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

I would say that half of Kate's class didn't do what they were supposed to for their Christmas program as far as words and hand motions goes.

December 29, 2010 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger TerriG said...

It's like our parenting results are on the stage for all to see. And that hurts. I have been both tormented and beaming proud. I pray all mothers have a chance to experience both. It helps us not to be so judgmental.

Kids are kids and that's why they are so stinking adorable. Just think how boring it would be if everyone's kids were perfect.

December 29, 2010 at 1:09 PM  
Blogger Pain SUX said...

Hi there, new follower here! I found your site on the blog hop. I hope you'll follow me back.


December 29, 2010 at 1:12 PM  
Blogger Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

So glad it went well for the most part! His little triangle? Perfect:)

December 29, 2010 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Yeah Bear! Way to go!! I think this sounds perfectly normal. I know I'm super senstive to my oldest's traits, but I often find that not many others even notice some of the things I worry about. Then I always find kids doing the same things. I try to always remember every child is unique and moves at their own pace. I think Bear rocked the house! :)

December 29, 2010 at 2:18 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

BTW, my oldest STILL would not do something like this. LOL Bear would win in a sing off for sure!

December 29, 2010 at 2:19 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I can only imagine what this next phase will be like for me. I'm sure I'll feel the same as you, completely invested in what he does or doesn't do in his class recital.

December 29, 2010 at 2:19 PM  
Anonymous AZLB said...

so many kids at that age don't sing or sing half...he is right in there! We had a kinder this year crying at our Thanksgiving performance it just didn't sit right with him...it happens.

December 29, 2010 at 3:06 PM  
Blogger Simoney said...

Touching story Shell.
Our mother-eyes are totally focussed on our own kid and we almost stop breathing we are so anxious for them up on stage!
Most kids freeze on stage, I've found. Most of them are standing there like deer in the headlights! The one or two who are comfortable up there tend to stand out.
So your Bear did AMAZING!
And I'll bet that as he grows more comfortable up there with the lights on him and the hundreds of people staring, he will forget his shyness and be able to relax and just do what he loves... sing!

December 29, 2010 at 3:14 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I am mad at the teacher for even thinking he should sit out! You are so right that at that age, you have to cut them some slack. They're still sooooo young and we all tend to focus more on our own kids, when others' kids may even be doing the same thing (i.e. not singing/doing the moves).

December 29, 2010 at 3:15 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

That's really unbelievable she'd ask him to sit out. So glad she didn't! Every assembly we've been to there are kids who don't sing. Who cares? They're not auditioning for American Idol! As long as they're not shoving other kids or screaming, let 'em stand there. It's all good.

December 29, 2010 at 4:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am really glad that he loves to sing! My Sadie loves to also. But you know what, she would be shy on stage too. Her preschool doesn't have a signing holiday program. I wish they did! I am so glad that teacher didn't make him sit out: that would be way uncool!!

December 29, 2010 at 4:44 PM  
Blogger Debby@Just Breathe said...

It is so true how we pay attention to our children but not notice the others who may not be singing. Since my children are grown I can tell you that I have been to so many performances where children did not participate or did silly things and that is what makes those programs so special. Thank you for sharing your heart.

December 29, 2010 at 6:32 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Sounds like Bear fits in well with the kids his age... behavior wise while singing in front of an audience. I know some grownups that would rather lay down and hide too. ;-)

I love to hear little people sing! It's precious!

December 29, 2010 at 6:45 PM  
Blogger Macey said...

But WHY were they thinking about having him sit it out in the first place??? I don't get it. :(
And, seriously, we see kids in the First grade that DON'T sing. They wander in their spot...know what I mean? Look around, watch the other kids, walk in place, do anything but sing.

December 29, 2010 at 7:11 PM  
Blogger Melissa Haak said...

ALL kids go through that. My son if 5 and this is the first year (he has been in preschool sine 2) that he participated. My daughter who sings all day, in class, in church, even during her brother's performances. Cried and wouldn't go on stage for hers.

I can only imagine how hard it is for you knowing what you do, but it's totally normal :-)

December 29, 2010 at 7:24 PM  
Blogger kc said...

Sounds like Bear did awesome!!! He probably did better than some kids, and not as well as others....sounds about right on track with the way kids are, which means that he is bouncing back from his illness so well.

On a personal note, I didn't appreciate Doodles late birthday until late in his kindergarten year. Quoting from his pediatrician, "starting school at 6 is not that bad of an idea, especially for a boy." :)

Hope you have a wonderful New Year!

December 29, 2010 at 8:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Really, they were considering not including him because he wasn't interested in practicing? I am really surprised at that. It is a preschool Christmas program - no a competition, who cares if they choose not to sing? Ben had one little girl at his - standing next to him - who was screaming at her sibling in the audience during one whole song... LOL

Zach never really participated at any of his programs, he would stand there and every so often make a motion or say a word, but that was about it.

You never know what they are going to do at this age!

December 29, 2010 at 9:04 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I'm kind of disappointed in the teacher's attitude, but he totally reminds me of Baby Girl in her dance program. And Bo in general. Some children walk to the beat of their own drummer & quite often they end up leading the band. Man, that's pretty deep & I just made it up. Hugs!

December 29, 2010 at 10:26 PM  
Blogger Joann Mannix said...

Like everyone else, I don't understand why the teacher was singling him out. It's preschool. Preschool pretty much means doing things on their own time. They're just figuring out how to stand in a line and sit in their seat, at that age. Good for your little man. He sang the song, but even if he hadn't, it sounds like he is doing a remarkable job.

Sorry I haven't been around so much, friend. Hopefully soon, I'll be back more, once we get all the senior citizens around these parts back on track.

December 30, 2010 at 8:07 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

It makes me wonder what that teacher was thinking when she considered having Bear sit out? As if that would have made the situation any better. I'm glad to hear that he did sing some songs and participate as much as he felt like. My daughter who is in the 2nd grade still doesn't like to sing with her class in special music performances. She LOVES to sing to the radio and sings in the shower, but in front of a crowd. Forget it!
He may never like to be up on stage. It might not have anything to do with his poisoning,it may just be who Bear is. I read another comment about holding him another year. That might be a great option.He could get another year of preschool and it could better prepare him for "real" school. It's a great thought to consider. :)

December 30, 2010 at 10:54 PM  

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