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Thursday, December 23, 2010

Blog Friend Feature: Life Without Pink

You are getting this week's Blog Friend Feature a day early this week because I wanted to feature someone, but I also knew it would probably be hard tomorrow, with the holidays. I do realize it's Thursday. Even if that's about all I have a handle on these days.

I think I found this week's Blog Friend Feature last year when I was about to go to Bloggy Boot Camp in Baltimore. I tried to visit some of the blogs of the girls who were going so that I could "know" more of them before I went there.  I knew that I would love Tina's blog, Life Without Pink because she is a fellow mom of boys.

We ended up at the same table for one of the sessions and I remember telling her in an enthusiastic and dorky way, "Oh! I read your blog!" Her post today is a reminder that anyone, not just other bloggers, can be reading our blogs.

I am really excited to be featured as Shell’s BFF of the week! I need to get something off my chest and I think this may be the best place to do that – so thank you Shell for the opportunity.

One of the things I admire most about Shell {among the many} is her ability to remain anonymous. I know I have family and friends that read my blog and I like the fact that they can get to know me on a more personal level. On occasion I have had people I know talk to me about a particular post I wrote and tell me how much they enjoy reading what I write. It means a lot especially when coming from your friends and family.

Just the other week, I was at my town’s holiday festival and ran into a guy I went to high school with. I haven’t seen him in ten years and one of the first things he says to me was, “So I follow your blog, Life Without Pink…pretty interesting articles.” WHAT, he reads my blog? I’m sure I turned a shade of red, I was completely shocked. This is proof that you never know who is reading what you write.

I try to be open without getting too personal or sharing too much information about the people I know. I respect them and know that what I put on the Internet is there FOREVER.

However, recently I think I crossed the line.

Let me first tell you the back story. In high school there were six of us that were extremely close and we did everything together. I was the first to have a baby and it was such an exciting time for all of us. Shortly after my son was born, they stopped coming around and they honestly never took the time to get to know my son. We have drifted apart and I only see them from time to time.

Awhile ago I wrote a post about friendship that sat in my pending file for quite some time. After much consideration, I decided to hit “publish”. A few weeks later it was Thanksgiving and I never heard from my high school friends who alway text me on holidays. I then find out that one of the girls made an announcement to everyone that she was pregnant. But never shared the news with me. Ouch! I have tried on several occasions to reach out to her but she still has not responded to me.

I haven’t heard from the other girls as well. I found out one of them moved, only by receiving a holiday card in the mail. While I don’t feel what I wrote was that bad, it obviously had an affect on them. I really had no idea they even read my blog.

Do I regret publishing that post? Yes at times. Do I think it might of caused me my friendships? Yes possibly. Even though they were really never there for me through the years, it upsets me that they completely shut me off and that I hurt them.

I always try to be honest and authentic and believe that is why my readers connect with me. But I learned a huge lesson. Go with your gut. If you feel that a post may cross the line or you are not 100% sure about it, don’t publish it. While at times I regret publishing my article, it has also allowed me to show my two other wonderful girlfriends how much they mean to me and has deepened my relationship with them.

I never intended to hurt anyone, and it saddens me to think that I may have.

Just remember when writing posts, you really never know who is reading your blog.

Life Without Pink

Please leave Tina some comment love here and then go follow her blog if you don't already!

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Blogger Life Without Pink said...

Thanks Shell for having me and for allowing me to write this post! Wishing your family a happy holiday, enjoy your boys :)

December 23, 2010 at 7:50 AM  
Blogger BNM said...

That is so true! I had a big altercation with family when they "stumbled" upon my blog & found some of my true feelings were not that flattering! I never thought they'd find it but hey its the internet i guess it was bound to happen

December 23, 2010 at 7:53 AM  
Anonymous Vera @ Lady and the Blog said...

I try to be very careful about what I write because I assume my friends might pop in from time to time. It's not 100% authentic - but I'm not anonymous either. Not sure you can be truly in both categories???

December 23, 2010 at 8:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember that post - it was very good and I had experienced a similar situation. I don't think you wrote anything harsh, so it's a shame that it seems to have affected some of those relationships.

December 23, 2010 at 9:00 AM  
Blogger Oka said...

I love being anonymous to family!

December 23, 2010 at 9:10 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

YAY for Tina!

I know what you mean...as more time goes by, I realize from time to time that something I've thought about writing may come back to cause a problem. It is hard to really think about ALL the possible people who might be reading, and if any of them may be offended in some way.

December 23, 2010 at 9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a great post. Off to check out Life without pink now. Hope you have a great Christmas.

December 23, 2010 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger MrsJenB said...

I am the queen of self censorship - because even though my family doesn't comment on my blog or even mention reading it, I know they do from time to time and I just never know when they'll pop over. So I try hard to steer myself away from writing about a lot of personal stuff.

December 23, 2010 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger The Random Blogette said...

I love Tina! Great choice as always! I have a hard time with not being anonymous too. There are so many days when I wish that I could write whatever I want, but my family reads the blog and so do a lot of my friends. My mom even makes comments sometimes saying that she can't believe that it is her daughter writing that blog. Sometimes in a good way..and sometimes not.

December 23, 2010 at 9:44 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

I'm pretty sure I would shit my pants if someone I knew came up to me and said "I follow your blog" a) because I try to keep my particulars out of the blog and b) holy shit I have zero filter

December 23, 2010 at 10:09 AM  
Blogger Joey Lynn Resciniti said...

I think it's terrific that you have non-bloggers reading your blog. I think it's nice to have an end-user out there that's just being entertained and it's a good reminder not to offend them.

December 23, 2010 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger TLF said...

Off to check out her blog.. :)

December 23, 2010 at 10:55 AM  
Blogger Foursons said...

Oh, I have so been there and lost a friend over it! Heading over to meet another mom of boys. Yay!

December 23, 2010 at 11:10 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Hindsight is 20/20, and now the prospect of anonimity seems quite enticing. THere is quite a lot of family "fodder" I would like to rant and rave about...but alas, too many are followers. I would be dis-owned for sure!!

Off to visit "Life without pink"! I too am a mama of all boys...4 in fact. Can't wait to compare notes!!

December 23, 2010 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

Great feature! I remember reading that post. It's so true that you never know who is reading what you post.

December 23, 2010 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger Macey said...

I've had people come up to me in town and say something way off the wall and then realize they're quoting my blog back to me. SCARY. lol

December 23, 2010 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger Kim Wombles said...

When I write about my family (especially extended), I try to be careful and respectful of their privacy, since I blog under my own name. :-)

December 23, 2010 at 12:58 PM  
Anonymous Candice @ Fashionably Organized said...

Most of my friends and none of my family read my blog which actually hurts at times. Then I read things like this and remember that although I think they don't you never know. Thanks for a lesson well said.

December 23, 2010 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger Missy@Wonder, Friend said...

This is a lesson I learned the hard way, too (was a Twitter oops, actually, but the person found the tweet via my blog...). It was a painful situation.

I'm sorry you've had to go through this, Tina!

December 23, 2010 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger Emmy said...

Oh that is so true! If I have wonder if I should publish something I run it by my husband.. he is usually a good censor for me. It would be nice to be free just to publish whatever but so many people I know read my blog too.

Sorry that your friends weren't there for you

December 23, 2010 at 2:13 PM  
Blogger "Cottage By The Sea" said...

Great post and definitely something to keep in mind.

December 23, 2010 at 2:33 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

There are so many things I would love to be able to write about... but I can't. I know my family reads my blog and I know I would get massive amounts of crap from them if they knew what I really thought. It's hard and sometimes I wish I had an anonymous blog to share my true feelings. It isn't easy trying to write honestly but not crossing the line.

December 23, 2010 at 2:58 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

I haven't written anything I regret yet so thanks for the advice. I have had a similar situation with friends over the years. I think you handeled it well.

December 23, 2010 at 3:02 PM  
Blogger Brandi said...

Ugh. Unfortunately, even though I'm careful not to post anything that will start a ruckus, it's almost like family look for things to be upset about. It's one of those things that if I had known, I would have never told them about the blog.

Your friends need to get over themselves though. I read your post and I didn't think it was hurtful. Honest, but not hurtful. :)

December 23, 2010 at 3:11 PM  
Blogger Venassa said...

I read the post and it's not like you were harsh - you just spoke the truth. It would be a tough situation to be in, but at least you didn't lose any friends that were truly there for you.

December 23, 2010 at 3:49 PM  
Blogger AiringMyLaundry said...

Great post. I try to watch what I write since I know friends and family read it. But I mainly keep it all real, I just try not to curse so much.

December 23, 2010 at 5:59 PM  
Blogger TheBabyMammaChronicles said...

Ugh, so true! That's part of the reason, sometimes, I wish I was an anonymous blogger. But, being open and out there has its perks too I suppose.

December 23, 2010 at 6:24 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh how I wish my blog would have remained anonymous. Now a lot of my family and friends read my blog and there are times when I feel like I can't say what I want to.

December 23, 2010 at 6:45 PM  
Blogger Cyndy Bush said...

I still think it's weird that people read but never let you know that they're reading. I started out anonymous too but my cover got blown. Bah. I've often wondered if my inlaws read my blog....
I just went over and followed you!

December 24, 2010 at 1:13 AM  
Blogger Cyndy Bush said...

I still think it's weird that people read but never let you know that they're reading. I started out anonymous too but my cover got blown. Bah. I've often wondered if my inlaws read my blog....
I just went over and followed you!

December 24, 2010 at 1:13 AM  
Blogger posie blogs Jennie McClelland said...

Oh just found this blog, yippee, i like!! I have no idea who reads but when a mum at school comments in real life i giggle, but trust me, it keeps you honest!! They only know me through my business, i don't name my children or schools etc. Wouldn't worry about those friends, i was first to have a baby & move interstate, i just keep to myself but when i go home we catch up happily, but they have no clue about children - i've had 4 now & eldest starts high school & still haven't started families. Each to their own, love Posie

December 24, 2010 at 4:31 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I am so sorry this happened. It is hard when you want to be open and share yet not cross lines.

December 24, 2010 at 7:39 AM  
Anonymous Making It Work Mom said...

Oh that stinks! I think about it alot. I have alot of relatives, friends, and co-workers who read my blog and I always have to second guess before I press publish. Makes me think maybe I should have an annonymous blog like Shell to get all the other "stuff" off my chest!

At least you have your real friends!

December 24, 2010 at 8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOVE Tina from Life Without Pink! I SO too wish my blog was anonymous!! My fam gives me TONS of good material that I can't use.

December 24, 2010 at 5:06 PM  
Blogger kc said...

I started anonymous and then got so angry one day that I outed myself on a post. I don't believe my family knows about the blog, if they did I think they would have said something because of what I write about...but it is bad/hard when someone you know finds out and takes the things you write about very personally.

December 26, 2010 at 9:42 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This wasa great post. A great piece of advice for all of us non anon bloggers. I still think your post was heartfelt, and I'm sure it's no secretthat your friends must sense a distance too. Why the hurt feelings I wonder? Perhaps the confirmation of it all? I hope that you will be able to the chance to talk to them about this.

December 27, 2010 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

This is such a tough thing to remember, but I think that your message is important. What you're saying online is FOREVER..so either be sure about it or don't do it!

December 27, 2010 at 12:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a very important point about blogging. I have crossed the line and posted things that I knew I shouldn't. It's such a crummy feeling!

December 27, 2010 at 2:35 PM  
Blogger Adelle said...

Oh, goody, another Boy-Mom blog!

Being one, I gravitate towards others. Cuz, you KNOW. You just know.

Anyway - as for this post - I can totally relate. I did the same thing, and regretted it, ended up eating crow and groveling for forgiveness. I have learned that I can and should NEVER hit "publish" when I've written something in anger. It's always bad news.

Glad I found you! Happy New Year!

December 27, 2010 at 7:28 PM  
Blogger mypixieblog said...

Awww, this is soooo true. I have always tried to be as respectful (and anonymous!) as possible when I discuss my friendships in my blog, but it's a very fine line. And sometimes what we might deem as appropriate might not be seen that way by someone else who would prefer not to have their lives discussed publicly at all.

Shell, thanks for featuring Tina here today. She's always been one of my favorites, and I love when I see this kind of cross-over. Tina, great post!

December 28, 2010 at 4:55 PM  
Blogger Mrs4444 said...

This is excellent advice. Keeping in mind that anyone could be reading my blog forces me to keep a certain boundary. That said, I'll always be honest; I just won't be putting everything out there :) It's nice to meet you, Tina!

December 28, 2010 at 8:26 PM  
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