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Friday, April 15, 2011

Blog Friend Feature: I'm Living Proof God Has a Sense of Humor

The first time I read a post by this week's BFF, I had to stop myself from sounding like a total stalker and asking her where she lived and if we could please have a playdate.  Because I just knew we would get along. We could let our pack of children run wild while we complained about how freaking hard motherhood is, without having to sugarcoat and qualify our complaints with "oh, but I love them" because we would know what the other meant.

Helene from I'm Living Proof God Has a Sense of Humor is a mom of two sets of twins.  She is one of my absolute favorites of all time because of her realistic view on motherhood. I just know you are going to love her, too.

When I opened up Shell’s e-mail with the subject title of “BFF”, I have to admit I squealed with delight. Seriously, I did.

I think I even wrote her back something like, “OMG, really?! I’m SO honored!” Never mind that I sounded more like a 90210 drop out than I did a 42-year old married mother of 4. People never believe me when I tell them I’m in my 40’s…it probably has to do more with my immaturity than my youthful appearance. And I’m cool with that.

I’ve been an admirer and loyal follower of Shell’s for quite some time now so of course I was flattered that she’d want to include me among her list of BFF’s. Initially, her blog title is what roped me in…”Things I Can’t Say”. It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

Truth be told, I have the opposite problem. I’m more like a “Things I Shouldn’t Say” kind of person. I tend to be sarcastic with a dark sense of humor. And, sure, I can be a little mouthy sometimes. Let’s put it this way, as a young child, I fantasized that Roseanne Barr was my mother. I idolized that lady like no one’s business…and still do.

When my husband and I first began dating, I tried to keep my true colors hidden because I wanted to impress him instead of sending him running for the hills. I’d smile politely if the waitress got my order wrong, I’d grind my teeth silently if another driver cut us off…basically, my blood pressure was alarmingly high on most occasions when we would spend time together.

Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer. As we were strolling outside the mall one day, a lady walked right into me. She didn’t say excuse me, no “forgive me”…nothing, just acted like I wasn’t even there.

My temper got the best of me and I shouted, “Excuse YOU! Did you NOT see me standing here?!” Tim thought there was going to be a throw-down right there on the spot. He’s one of the most non-confrontational people I know so all this commotion felt a little foreign to him.

Fast forward to the present time, I’d like to think that he’s more appreciative of my outspokenness. Although at times, I can see him cowering as he recognizes the physical signs that I’m about to blow a gasket…fists tightly clenched, eyes about to pop out of my head…it’s not a pretty sight, let me tell you.

I am that one person who has no problem putting a person in his place if he has the nerve to gawk at my kids while they have a tantrum at the store, as if my children just landed here from Mars and he’s never seen quite a sight before. Just like I remind my kids that it’s not polite to stare at people who wear pants three sizes too small, who pick their noses in public or who act like they’re holier than thou as they rudely stare at an exhausted mother whose children are acting like…uh, say, children.

If you just happen to be strolling by our home, you’re likely to hear me hurling the following statements at my kids:

"I don't care if you think it's fair or not. Do you ever hear me complaining that the Lucky Charms leprechaun refuses to tell me where his pot of gold is? NO, you don't, do you? So quit your griping!"

“Isn't there a plant in someone's yard that you guys can dig up so I can read my book in peace and quiet?"

"Here's the phone...why don't you call the Wicked Witch of the West and tell her how horrible I am for making you clean up the milk you just spilled?! Maybe she'll take you back to her castle, bake you a batch of cookies and force her flying monkeys to dance for you."

With that said, though, I do have a pleasant side. I don’t want any of you thinking I’m flinging cell phones at random people or gouging anyone’s eyeballs out. And I’m not running down the street, making absolutely no sense and yelling crap like “winning” at stunned passersby.

I just wish my family could appreciate my humor and sarcasm more. Like when we were driving to Disneyland recently and one of the kidlets fell asleep. When he woke up and asked what ride I wanted to go on first after we arrived at our destination, I couldn’t help myself...the darkness took over.

I answered, “Huh? We’re on our way home! Did you sleep through our ENTIRE vacation?!” He began to cry, as my husband accused me of being incredibly mean.

Can’t a mom just have a little fun? Last time I checked it wasn’t a crime.

Or is it?

Because the idea of being locked up in solitary confinement doesn’t sound too shabby…along with 3 meals I didn’t have to cook, clean clothes that I didn’t have to wash or iron, no one else to look out for but myself. Sign me up, people.

I do realize there may come a time when my family will not know whether I’m being serious or not…and the consequences could be dire.

Like, say, one day, I’m stuffing cookies down my throat at a speed that would make Jillian Michael’s have a freakin’ coronary and I begin to choke….or I fall down the stairs and twist my ankle. I imagine myself begging for help, only to have my kids look at me with blank stares and then say, “Oh, she’s just being sargentic again…come on, guys, let’s go play outside until Daddy gets home from work”.

They can’t even pronounce “sarcastic” properly, for God’s sake.

What’s a mother to do?

I'm Living Proof That God has a Sense of Humor

See, you love her, don't you? Please leave Helene some comment love here and then go follow her fabulous blog if you don't already.

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Blogger Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Love Helene's blog! She writes the most humorous stuff. She was one of the first blogs I started following. I think my all time favorite post is the one she wrote from her cat's point of view. :-)

April 15, 2011 at 7:18 AM  
Blogger myevil3yearold said...


Loved your post. I say the same kinda sarcastic stuff to my kids. They are used to it. Sometimes when we are out in public I get people that gasp. My kids just laugh and ususally just turn it right back on me.

April 15, 2011 at 7:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can see why you're shells BFF!!! You're hilarious and it's refreshing to know there are more of "us" out there!!

April 15, 2011 at 7:32 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

Is it wrong that I was laughing out loud at Helene's comments to her kids and thinking that I'll have to use those sometime?? LOL! Thanks for starting my day off with a chuckle and smile!

April 15, 2011 at 7:37 AM  
Blogger Di said...

Oh I am so glad I am not the only sarcastic bitch out there! I already hopped over to follow! I would totally tell my kids that they slept through our vacation too! (and I might giggle a little when they had a meltdown over it)

April 15, 2011 at 8:07 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

LOL at "sargentic." I also think telling your child that they missed Disney was brilliant. I would totally do that too!!

April 15, 2011 at 8:09 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

Helene is hilarious! Thanks for sharing...love the sleeping through vacation joke!

April 15, 2011 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger Tayarra said...

I love the way you put this....hilarious! Solitary confinement... sounds pretty darn good to me too!

April 15, 2011 at 8:31 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

I love Helene's blog! She's honest and her dark sarcasm is right up my alley. In regards to the Disney comment, that is definitely something I would say to one of my kids.

April 15, 2011 at 8:54 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Instant new follower! I think we're the same person ... you described me and my relationship with Husband to a T.

April 15, 2011 at 9:02 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

I'm a fan of Helene too and feel like we might be related after this post.

April 15, 2011 at 9:06 AM  
Blogger Samantha said...

I've been a fan of Helene for a while now! Love her, and I feel like I'm just like her. My then 2 year old was having a meltdown in a local Applebees once, everyone was looking, I turned around and remarked to everyone looking, "Want tickets? Need a camera? Don't tell me you've never had a 2 year old act like a demon. Eat your food and stop staring!" I was with my entire family, they all couldn't believe what I had said.

I live in an apartment, I know people have seriously thought about calling DSS on me as they walk past my apartment. They hear me yelling, "I'm going to kill you!" "I'm going to knock you out if you don't stop standing in that chair" "I told you you were going to get sick if you drank that, now I have to call Poison Control! Geez" Ahh...life

April 15, 2011 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger MommyLovesStilettos said...

Ahhhh Helene you always make me laugh my ass off!!!! :) I can't wait to meet you in FL! You remind me so much of myself!

April 15, 2011 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger Kir said...

Helene, you always crack me up, I can see now that you and Shell are really soul mates.

I was actually just talking to my husband about how i hate that our kids don't get my sense of humor yet, I mean to practice on someone right????

this was just what I needed on a Friday, she was wonderful. :)

April 15, 2011 at 9:57 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I want to be her BFF too!!! I loved this post and I am definitely heading there to follow her as soon as I follow you! Thanks.
Donna writes @ http://mylife-in-stories.blogspot.com

April 15, 2011 at 9:58 AM  
Anonymous Lori said...

I'm rolling over here! Please take me with you to solitary confinement!

April 15, 2011 at 10:16 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

Great choice, again, my dear! Helene, good lord we would SO be friends in real life. I'm sorta filterless myself :p

April 15, 2011 at 10:18 AM  
Blogger Theresa said...

Ah, she is so wicked, love her.

My husband thinks I lied to him about my true colours. When I told him I watch hockey, he interpreted as meaning I would watch it ever single time it was on.

April 15, 2011 at 10:25 AM  
Anonymous Melanie said...

This is hilarious! I, too, can lack a filter in moments which constantly raises the eyebrows of my non-confrontational husband. He's always bracing himself when some injustice has been done to either me or the kids. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I am already a fan of yours, Helene. Your blog is fun and full of truth which is why it appeals to me so much. l love checking in on it.

Shell, you totally chose a cool BFF.

April 15, 2011 at 10:25 AM  
Blogger Jewels For Hope said...

this post is absolutely hysterical lol. I was cracking up the whole time reading it. My family was looking at me a bit odd since I'm just staring at the computer screen laughing to myself :)

April 15, 2011 at 10:32 AM  
Blogger Helene said...

Thanks again for the opportunity to be your BFF this week!! I'm so excited!!!!!!

April 15, 2011 at 10:35 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

HOLY CRAP! I was laughing out loud! Seriously, out loud!!! Thanks for that! Heading over now to check out your blog.

April 15, 2011 at 10:36 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

My kind of mom. That last part is definitely true my students and own kids never know when I am being serious. When will they learn?

April 15, 2011 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger Renee said...

You are hilarious. I love the Disneyland thing. I would totally do something like that to my kids. Any opportunity to torture them just a little is always welcome as far as I'm concerned!

April 15, 2011 at 10:46 AM  
Blogger MrsJenB said...

I would have SO said something like that on the way to Disneyland! I laughed out loud even as I felt sorry for the poor kiddo.

April 15, 2011 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger Desperate Housemommy said...

TWO sets of twins? Wow. My ONE set is enough to send them a-diggin' in the neighbors' yard so I can read in peace. I am totally trying that this afternoon, by the by.

April 15, 2011 at 10:59 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

LOVE!! I too, will say something to people in public when they do the things Helene states. New blog follower for you Helene!!

April 15, 2011 at 11:32 AM  
Blogger Laura @ My Thoughts-Uninterrupted said...

New follower to BOTH of your blogs. Love it!

April 15, 2011 at 11:47 AM  
Blogger Macey said...

I love you so much, Helene!! :)
Seriously, sometimes I will make a huge crash sound in the shower just to see if anyone is paying attention. So far? They've FAILED EVERY FREAKING TIME.

April 15, 2011 at 12:25 PM  
Blogger Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) said...

I just adore Helene and her precious spawn. I've followed her almost as soon as I began Cow Patty Surprise.

Yet another wonderful interview! Ya sure know how to pick a best friend there!

God bless ya'll and have a fantastic weekend!!! :o)

April 15, 2011 at 12:29 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I love Helene's blog! I've been following her for a long time!

April 15, 2011 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger Pamela Zydel said...

Where do I sign up for some of that there solitary confinement, 3 prepared meals a day, clean, pressed clothes and total selfishness? I’m on the verge of going on strike at home right about now and THAT place you’re talking about sounds like a heavenly place to hold MY sign!

April 15, 2011 at 12:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL oh my gosh! I DO love her! That post was hilarious!!

April 15, 2011 at 12:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I do, I do love her! Going over there now to follow her IMMEDIATELY. :) Two sets of twins? God bless that woman!

April 15, 2011 at 1:20 PM  
Anonymous Making It Work Mom said...

I love sarcasm and use it frequently. The only problem is I hate when my 11 year old turns it around and uses it on me. I think she is better too!

April 15, 2011 at 1:25 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I'm all about sarcasm, and I totally admit to using "strong" words too loosely. Like, "he drives me freakin' insane" really equals "he kinda got on my nerves."

April 15, 2011 at 1:26 PM  
Blogger Charlene Juliani said...

I LOVE Helene, she never fails to make me laugh out loud...for reals.

And she is really sweet too, don't let that tough exterior fool ya. She will help promote anyone's blog if she loves them/it enough (I should know!).

Congrats on your BFF title!

April 15, 2011 at 1:46 PM  
Blogger Emmy said...

Lol! Love this post. I just had a conversation with my daughter yesterday about the boy who cries wolf :)

Def going to check out her blog.

April 15, 2011 at 1:54 PM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

Helene is so funny. Love her candidness. She's just so funny in her honesty.

Also, she's my hero because one time she posted about eating all the brownies and I laughed so hard I peed my pants a little.

April 15, 2011 at 1:57 PM  
Blogger Elena Wollborg said...

I love sarcasm, so I think your comment was totally appropriate regarding your trip. ;) Does solitary confinement have a spa? If so, I'm totally in.

April 15, 2011 at 2:22 PM  
Blogger Cyndy Bush said...

This is awesome; I love Shell, I love Helene, so the two together is almost more than I can take!
Helene, you and I have so much in common with the humor & sarcasm. I keep telling my kids I'm going to check in to the local mental hospital for a freaking vacation! It sounds like heaven to me; no cooking, no cleaning, no screaming kids.

April 15, 2011 at 2:26 PM  
Blogger Jane Bitch said...

Oh look, a kindred spirit. Off to find a new friend!

April 15, 2011 at 2:37 PM  
Blogger AiringMyLaundry said...

Ha, Helene rocks. I always enjoy reading her blog!

April 15, 2011 at 3:01 PM  
Blogger Rhiannon said...

thats what i love about helen she is just like me and the hubs tell it like it is!

April 15, 2011 at 3:26 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I LOVE Helene....that is all...

April 15, 2011 at 8:23 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Sarcasm is often my best friend. I would have told my kids we were on our way back home from the trip after they fell asleep in the car too.

April 16, 2011 at 3:07 AM  
Blogger Clare said...

Great post! I LOVE that I found your blog too!

Fellow Sarcastic Sally,


April 16, 2011 at 7:41 AM  
Blogger LisaAquinoVlog said...

sarcasm is a virtue to every moms at some point. Homeschool Mom Blog

April 16, 2011 at 12:31 PM  
Blogger Daisygirl said...

ah a girl after my own sarcastic heart! Love it!

A house with 5 boys...I just don't see any better way to be ;)

Congrats on being featured!

April 16, 2011 at 12:35 PM  
Blogger Twinpossible said...

Helene...you know I love you, and I'm happy to find this site Shell (As a 'Shell' myself. Well, Shelly, but ukwim.)

Helene, I to have a sarcastic, even brutally honest and outrageous sense of humor. I can act like a kid to, but sometimes say things TOO honestly and funny..sometimes 'dirty things'(remarks) tee hee, to pretty much people I just meet.

Let's just say I open up quickly, and most laugh and adore my over-the-top antics and wit, but you get that occasional stick in the mud. You know what I mean.

I was in L&D and I told one of the doctors, 'Wow, you look so young, and you're a doctor. That's awesome. You're lucky.' Most women would say THANKS right?

'What the hell is that supposed to mean.' ok..mouth shut, as I sat in the bed in utter disbelief. Am I the only woman who wants to hear they look younger then they are? SHEESH. Wouldn't wanna be married to THAT.

I can totally relate. I used to always hold stuff in. I was AKA, what appeared to be to others a polite little WUSS, lol. I'd say excuse me if someone bumped into me, always smiled and let people by, didn't care if anyone stared at me and made me uncomfortable, I'd just nicely move on.

WTF was I thinking? Now, you bump into me..'excuse you.' You stare at me, 'What are you looking at? Problem?' I used to be TOO nice to strangers and then I realized, how they are not usually very nice to us, so now I'm a believer in you get what you give. My husband to can tell when I'm gonna blow, lol.

In NY, I think we all have a bit of road rage in us, as we get cut off and fingered (OMG that didn't sound right, lol) all the time. I have seen some wild things out there, but I know exactly what you are talking about in your post. (As usual.) Always a pleasure to read more from ya.

xoxo Shelly


PS- ANYONE HAVE A XANAX? It's one of THOSE days over in crazy-ville. We gotto meet up one day girlie. Have a drink or somethin & leave the kids with the papas:)

April 16, 2011 at 12:50 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Yay! Two of my best bloggy buddies all in one post! Y'all know I love both of you & you are what makes blogging worth the wild. Sign me up for that playdate. Sass can babysit, she IS 9.5, while we drink! I'll bring the Xanax.

April 16, 2011 at 1:38 PM  
Blogger Good Company said...

Two sets of twins? -- Crash course of Survival 505!

April 16, 2011 at 5:50 PM  
Blogger Heather H said...

I found Helene about a month ago, and love her blog! She always makes me laugh, and I could totally see myself hanging out with her!

April 17, 2011 at 3:35 PM  
Blogger Lourie said...

I swear I have seen her before. She's super funny whether I have or not. On my way to check her out now.

April 17, 2011 at 10:02 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Bahahahaaa!!! The solitary confinement blurb was AWESOME! I would totally take a few days in confinement. Great BFF!

April 19, 2011 at 7:05 PM  
Blogger kc said...

that was so funny...I relate on so many levels ;)

April 19, 2011 at 8:47 PM  

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