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Friday, June 18, 2010

BFF: When Life Doesn't Go as Planned

I was so excited by your response to last week's BFF. Lots of comments left on the post and many of you went and followed Tammy, my first Blog Friend Feature.

If this type of response keeps up, I will continue this new feature well past summer! It would take me forever to run out of blogs I want to feature anyway, but I only want to keep it up as long as you all are reading and participating. Especially because I'd hate to ask someone to go to the effort of writing a post for BFF and then have them hear crickets.

Don't forget that the BFF will have their button up in my sidebar for the week, too, so you can check them out!

This week's BFF is Jen from A Daily Scoop of Chaos. She is a very "real" blogger. I always love her honesty and she makes me laugh. She takes great pics and vlogs naked....okay, not really, even if she is referred to as "the naked vlogger." I hope you enjoy this guest post from Jen on how sometimes, life doesn't go as planned and how there's no such thing as perfect.

I had a dream. I am sure every person on the planet has had this one. The dream of being perfect at whatever it is you decide to do in life. Life doesn't always go as planned. Sometimes you go a little off course but that is where the adventure is.

I am not your average mom (what is average anyway). I would say I am alternative. I have 5 tattoos, my nose pierced and I cuss like a pirate.

On the other hand I am a stay at home mom with pretty traditional values. Before my hubman and I decided to start a family we talked about it. My mom was a SAHM and I appreciated having her there whenever I needed her. I wanted the same for my kids. He finished school and got a good job. I continued to work as a manager for Pier 1, oh how that job took a toll on me! Anyway when I was 25 we decided it would be time to try. I went off birth control and we thought we would just let nature takes its course. One year later nature wasn't on my side. I was stressed. I hated my job. I had a miscarriage in May of 2003 and when I went to the doctor she said that was a good sign...a sign that this would happen. All my tests came back fine. Well, I had enough of my job come August and quit. 2 weeks later I was pregnant! I take that as a sign. I have a thing about signs. My sign that I was supposed to be a stay at home mom. Silly as that may sound, it was what I believed.

Oh, my pregnancy sucked big giant balls! I was miserable. How could something I wanted so bad be this painful and uncomfortable? I had high blood pressure and the doctors wanted to put me on a heart monitor. I gained so much weight...I ate everything! I was so not the perfect pregnant person! Then before I knew it she was here. She came on my birthday, my 27th birthday. I remember going home that night...yes that night...I have a thing with hospitals and had to so get out of there. I went home that night so tired. I had never been so tired. I remember having bad dreams for a few days after giving birth. For the first days she and my hubman slept together in the guest bedroom. Finally, after a few days of catching up on rest, I was ready to take on mommyhood...oh crap so I thought I was. I broke the rules...I co slept, I let her sleep entire nights in her swing, I picked her up with every little whine or cry, I let her schedule be my schedule. Whatever you say, I survived and so did she....

2 years later we brought our adopted son home from Guatemala. I thought adopting would be perfect. My baby boy would come home and we would have an instant connection. Let me tell ya almost 4 years later and we are still working on that. We brought him home at 8 months old and I still think we missed that important bonding stage. Well 2 months after having him home, we found out we were pregnant. Life had its plan for me...it wanted me to live a life of chaos.

So here I am a 33 year old mom to 3 kids that all came to me in very different ways. I yell a lot. I let stress take over too often sometimes. I don't make gourmet dinners. I let my kids eat cereal for lunch. If my 2 year old wants ketchup for dinner well I pour some in a bowl and hand him a spoon. When my kids are being too loud and not listening, I put in my headphones and crank up my ipod. I have locked myself in the closet. I have cried over spilled milk and throw up on the walls. I have told my husband that I hate him when I have a bad day. I have thought many times that I want to give my 2 weeks notice...although I know that is pretty much impossible so I pretty much am just saying it because maybe the words make me feel better.

I am not perfect. Some days I pretend to be. But I am not. On the outside people may see my family as perfect. I am a busy mom. I go to College, I blog, I take pictures with my awesome camera everyday, I play with my kids, I clean, I kinda sorta cook, I make our house a home...but I am not perfect. I have my demons and sometimes they win.

I am not the perfect wife and mother but I love my family. My family is awesome...well mostly! I hate that I try to be perfect. That I feel my home needs to be sparkling clean most days. I hate that I might be missing an awesome moment because I am cleaning or studying. My problem is sometimes I do to much, I take on more than I can handle. It is usually then when my demons come out full score. The problem is what is perfect? What makes someone less perfect? We definitely don't live in a perfect world so why the crap do I keep trying so dang hard to push that perfection to the ultimate degree. It's a disease and I tell ya if there was a magic pill I would take it in a second.

Some days I just gotta say this^ is perfection so quit trying so hard!

I really need to remember that  there's no such thing as a perfect life, Jen, thanks. Now, please leave her some comment love here and don't forget to check out(and follow!) A Daily Scoop of Chaos.

This blog has now been changed to The Daisy Approach.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree - whatever it takes to get you through a day (either at infant stage of crazy screaming kids - haven't gotten past that yet!) Heading over to your blog now to become a follower!

June 18, 2010 at 7:44 AM  
Blogger ~Bry~ said...

This is so me. I am definetly alternative and wonder sometimes how I became a mother. Thanks for writing....heading over to follow.

June 18, 2010 at 7:50 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

I was born with the perfection gene. It is probably my worst character flaw. Followed very closely by an inability to forgive my mistakes. Strange how that happens.

I'm working on it. Some days I actually laugh at my mistakes. I always have to ask myself 2 questions when I'm freaking out about my transgressions from perfection.

How important it is?
What's the worst that can happen?

Thanks for sharing your own struggles. It ain't just for moms.

June 18, 2010 at 8:06 AM  
Blogger Evonne said...

I'm still cringing at the ketchup, even though I've done that myself.

I think if everyone was "perfect" and "normal", like would be boring.

I just found her blog a few weeks and I love it!!

June 18, 2010 at 8:36 AM  
Blogger Ian said...

I met Jen back when she had like 50 followers. She was just as good then as she is now. She's awesome, and is the Queen Maitre D of vlogging. Nobody does it better.


June 18, 2010 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger Ro said...

Couldn't agree more!

June 18, 2010 at 8:56 AM  
Blogger Kristin said...

You know, you do what you gotta do sometimes.

Your family pic is beautiful and looks pretty close to perfection to me!

June 18, 2010 at 8:56 AM  
Blogger MommyLovesStilettos said...

I actually just started following her a couple of days ago. Just from reading this post I'm positive I will LOVE her because she sounds so much like ME! :)

June 18, 2010 at 9:10 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

I LOVE this. It's kind of like SITS, but wayyyy more personal and not all like "Hi! Happy SITS Day!!". So thanks to Shell for that!!

And also, I think A Daily Scoop of Chaos just became my new favorite blog! Jen is so honest and funny and isn't trying to be the world perfect mommy!! Love it:)

June 18, 2010 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger Kmama said...

Wow. She is a truthful blogger. Great post.

June 18, 2010 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

I 100% love this parenting style and attitude. Plus we probably cuss the same ;) love this feature shell!

June 18, 2010 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

I started reading Jen's post and thought, I am so going to her blog to read more. It's not every day that you find someone else who realizes they are not perfect but tries to be perfect anyway (I do that all the time) and is willing to tell the whole world about it! I'm heading over to read more now.

June 18, 2010 at 9:42 AM  
Blogger Daisygirl said...

Shell thanks so much for asking me to be your BFF!
I hope that my post inspires people to be less perfect....haha...kinda kidding!
Love ya girl your fabulous!

June 18, 2010 at 9:44 AM  
Blogger BNM said...

I freakin love Jen! She is so real and has the best vlogs!!

No one is perfect and I find myself feeling exactly like that :)

June 18, 2010 at 10:01 AM  
Blogger cathyjoy said...

wow...jen and i musta been separated at birth! i'm the alternative mom with tats and piercings and i totally have the martha gene. i'm goin to her blog right now!

June 18, 2010 at 10:04 AM  
Blogger Keely said...

Jen is freakin awesome! I love her!!

June 18, 2010 at 10:10 AM  
Blogger Ma What's 4 dinner said...

Great feature! We all need to remember that perfection does not exist!

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner

June 18, 2010 at 10:14 AM  
Blogger Aunt Crazy said...

I like this feature and I liked Jen's blog so much that I'm now a follower of hers!

Keep it up!!!

June 18, 2010 at 10:27 AM  
Blogger Katina said...

Woot Woot! Another non-gourmet meal girl!! Gotta follow her! Thanks for sharing Shell!

June 18, 2010 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger chele said...

My mom used to let us eat ketchup sandwiches. Whatever. We all turned out fine. I loved the honesty in this post.

June 18, 2010 at 10:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LOVE Jen! This is great girl!

June 18, 2010 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

Congrats on being one of Shell's BFF! Makes you feel all good inside doesn't it?

Okay, After reading your post I am adding you to my blogroll right after I finish my comment. You rock! What an honest side of mothering. I too try to have that perfect home and it just doesn't work and just causes so much stress to everyone! I have learned to ease up and take each day one by one.

Your family picture is adorable! Okay, now I'm off to copy and paste from your blog...:)

Shell...love ya!

June 18, 2010 at 11:51 AM  
Blogger Grand Pooba said...

Oh my gosh you're right she IS honest and that is fricken awesome!!!! She sounds like someone I want to get to know!

June 18, 2010 at 12:03 PM  
Blogger Sugar Bear said...

Hi Jen!!

You rocked this post! Great job.

June 18, 2010 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

I LOVE this post! So honest and real! Thanks for sharing. And, I might have to chat with you about adopting ... it's always been something I've wanted to do. You have a beautiful family!

June 18, 2010 at 12:42 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Hi. I have been a fan. In fact her blog is one of the first I ever signed up to follow.

Great to read this post and to get to know "Chaos" better!!


June 18, 2010 at 12:52 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

I lvoe Jen's blog and this was just such a nice post to read from her =)

June 18, 2010 at 12:54 PM  
Blogger shortmama said...

I often try too hard to be the "perfect" mom. And all it ends up doing is making me completely overwhelmed and an emotional wreck! Since my hubs works out of state all week, I am doing this raising 2 girls thing by myself more days than not...I have to learn to accept that the house wont always be clean!

June 18, 2010 at 12:59 PM  
Blogger Kimberly@PrettyPinkMomma said...

I loved this post! So honest and so sweet. I too feel the need to be perfect in what I do, and I never am. I hate to admit that many times I have locked myself in the bathroom and taken a timeout, because I just couldn't deal with what was going on outside the door. Then five minutes goes by and I'm not perfect but better and able to deal with reality, my reality, that bringing up three boisterous boys is a challenging yet rewarding job. And as much as I complain about it, I wouldn't want anyone else to do it instead of me.

June 18, 2010 at 1:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I couldn't agree with you more! I look forward to reading your feature bloggers blog

June 18, 2010 at 1:02 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

this is so refreshing to hear...i love your honesty about motherhood and everything that comes with it!

June 18, 2010 at 1:22 PM  
Blogger Babes Mami said...

ooo ooo Shell has found me someone pretty similar to me!! I don't have tattoos though and one one kid but we are the alternative 1950s family (what I call us) and I have met a few ladies who are similar but without the whole 'traditional' thing! Off to follow...

June 18, 2010 at 1:28 PM  
Blogger The Drama Mama said...

I love Daisy. I need to add her to my blogroll (why is she not there already?) so I can remember to stop in at any given moment. Thanks for making her the BFF today.

June 18, 2010 at 2:07 PM  
Blogger SurferWife said...

I like this feature, Shell. You wouldn't steer is wrong with what blogs to follow.

June 18, 2010 at 2:27 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

What a fun feature! I love when a blogger just says what she thinks with no apologies. She has definitely got a follower in me! This idea is fantastic!

June 18, 2010 at 2:34 PM  
Blogger Expats Again said...

What??? There's no perfect? Now that's a let down for a mom whose kids are long gone from the nest. Sorry, kids...I did the best I could; still can't believe it wasn't perfect (wink, wink). Jen, you've got another follower!

June 18, 2010 at 3:43 PM  
Blogger TheFitHousewife said...

Great post...so hoenst, I love it! This is why I got into blogging in the first place...to share my imperfections and share in other's imperfections. Thank you.

June 18, 2010 at 4:18 PM  
Blogger Oka said...

My life has never been perfect, but I blame myself. I often forget(and am often reminded) that I am not the one who makes my plans.

June 18, 2010 at 5:03 PM  
Blogger Secret Mom Thoughts said...

I so relate to doing all those things you are not suppose to do. I did them too.

June 18, 2010 at 5:18 PM  
Blogger Elena Sonnino said...

Love this!! Such a great story! A friend and I often joke about being "practically perfect"---for me, perfection is doing my best (which is often far far from perfection).

June 18, 2010 at 9:06 PM  
Blogger Lourie said...

I loved this guest post. She is so fresh and honest. I am on my way to her blog now. Thanks for featuring her.

June 18, 2010 at 9:33 PM  
Blogger Liz Mays said...

None of us are perfect, that's for darn sure! So nice to have Jen over here!

June 18, 2010 at 9:35 PM  
Blogger Katie's Dailies said...

She put in words what I thought and went through when I first became a momma. Thanks for featuring her, and I'm on my way to follow her now.

June 18, 2010 at 10:15 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I love her and I've never even visited her blog! She has tattoos, and cusses? We have those things in common...

Can't wait to run over and meet her!

June 19, 2010 at 1:04 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Alternative...how funny!!! I think there's nothing strange about tattoos and piercings but, that's just me. I think A Daily Scoop of Chaos is great and I have been following her for a while!!!

June 19, 2010 at 2:20 AM  
Blogger WiffsWife said...

Following from the tea party! :) Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Nice to meet you jen! That was a great story. I'm glad I'm not the only one out there who gets frustrated and feeds their kid ketchup.

June 19, 2010 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger WiffsWife said...

I picked up your button and put it on my blog.

June 19, 2010 at 8:19 AM  
Blogger Vivianne's Vista said...

This was an awesome post, and love how she stated so well, exactly how I'm sure most of us feel. Chasing that perfection. Thanks for highlighting her.

June 19, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Wow, great post! It is uncommon for women to feel comfortable enough to say that motherhood isn't wonderfully perfect 100% of the time, and I love women who feel OK enough to make say otherwise.

June 19, 2010 at 2:31 PM  
Blogger Grace Adams said...

You're so right on the perfection thing. My former addiction to perfection screwed up my life royally until I ditched it.

June 19, 2010 at 2:33 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

What a fabulous post! I know I miss a lot trying to be perfect! I can so relate to yelling too much, and letting my bad side get the "best" of me on a bad mom day on the job. Thanks for sharing, Jen!

June 19, 2010 at 7:19 PM  
Blogger Caity said...

Thanks so much for introducing us to your beautiful family! Life may not always look perfect, but who gets to say what perfect is anyway? As long as it is perfect for you that's all that matters, right?

June 20, 2010 at 11:11 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I can relate to you.... a lot! I try so hard at being perfect, but I'm not. I loved reading about you! And your family is beautiful <3

June 20, 2010 at 10:03 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

I this meme; what a great idea. I have been following Jen for a while now and always love her words.

June 22, 2010 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I remember being young and thinking, okay, I want a baby right now! It's insane on how sometimes so much planning, trying, tears and heartache goes into it...and the adoption--I have three sisters who are all adopted from China and have heard so many similar stories as yours through my Mom. I admire you for adopting! What a beautiful and amazing gift that you have given {and received :) }

Def off to check out the blog! xo

June 22, 2010 at 9:23 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I love this post! Not only did I learn alot about you, but you tell it like it really is. For some of us (ME) pregnancy is HARD. A being a Mommy may be the best job in the world, but it is also the most demanding, all consuming, draining thing there is. I wouldn't trade it for anything else.
Cheers to the real mommies!

June 24, 2010 at 1:40 PM  
Blogger Messy Mommy said...

Life never seems to go as planned! But it seems to turn out perfect more often than not.

June 24, 2010 at 10:22 PM  
Blogger Joy@TPMG said...

Life would be boring if we were perfect. I love Jen's honesty.

June 24, 2010 at 11:17 PM  

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