tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post8526195265146252597..comments2023-10-29T10:24:23.730-04:00Comments on Things I Can't Say: A Solution to the Problem of BullyingShellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06811697675090627618noreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-36079881432803287692010-09-17T10:04:58.268-04:002010-09-17T10:04:58.268-04:00I do agree that parents must step up. However, ho...I do agree that parents must step up. However, how do we do that? We can do that with our own kids but how do we make other parents do that? I guess we can only do as much as we can. Joining the team in my school (as I explained in my post), I am hoping to be a part of this tough task. The idea is being proactive. Not punishing or consequences but awarding for good behavior. Role models of good behavior. Ambassadors. I guess we will see how it goes and can hope for the best. But I do think people need to stand up and try and not just think it will take care of itself.Dalia (Generation X Mom)https://www.blogger.com/profile/11561282285420737009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-69321505982978048002010-08-04T14:03:05.957-04:002010-08-04T14:03:05.957-04:00Oh. Sigh. I just have to say that this topic brea...Oh. Sigh. I just have to say that this topic breaks my heart. There is 'some' level of bullying at every stage of life. Pre-school, middle school, high school, college (hazing anyone?) and even as adults. I was bullied as a kid. I was teased and picked on. The verbal hurts the worst, in my opinion. That said, I turned out OK. Others? They go and shoot up schools or kill themselves. I can see that anger and frustration level, I can. You are 100% correct that it starts with the parents, though. My mom told me - "they called you poor? Well kid, that's true. We are poor in that we don't have a lot of money. But we are strong and loving and you are smart and beautiful. Having things and a lot of money doesn't mean you're happy and maybe they see that and feel the need to lash out." See what I mean? My mom realized the situation, respected my sadness and fear, and helped me through it. On many occurrences. <br /><br />The parents of the bully? They need also need to realize that yes, their kid can be an asshole. But parents aren't always around - and so schools have to intervene somehow, but I don't know the answer.<br /><br />I pray to GOD my kids find the right balance. I don't want them picked on, but don't want them doing the bullying either.-MommaKisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09443553798728370645noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-87811219994310387312010-08-03T22:34:31.556-04:002010-08-03T22:34:31.556-04:00I recently met a teacher who works at a very elite...I recently met a teacher who works at a very elite private school in our area. She said they had a zero tolerance policy. All students AND their parents are told about the policy in great detail when they enroll. If a student is caught bullying they point it out to the kid, the other teachers the kid works with and the parents. The 2nd time the kid bullies they are expelled.<br /><br />ZERO TOLERANCE.<br /><br />That is the only way to end the bully issue.Karin Katherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14516662405528660516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-32128440934047049722010-08-03T16:08:44.719-04:002010-08-03T16:08:44.719-04:00Very good post. An anonymous reporting system is n...Very good post. An anonymous reporting system is necessary but the problem will always exist. Here are the main topics that I address whenever speaking with parents and educators:<br /><br />1. Lack of Parenting Skills<br />2. Lack of teacher training<br />3. Lack of administration support<br />4. The lack of respect for educators<br />5. Holding students responsible for their actions<br /><br />These must be addressed. For free articles and information visit my site www.stoppingschoolviolence.comDerekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13544705223593614136noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-35883554662408580472010-08-03T08:15:22.036-04:002010-08-03T08:15:22.036-04:00This topic is scary to me... I am sooo afraid my ...This topic is scary to me... I am sooo afraid my sons will be victims... but I NEVER want the to be the bully so teaching thenm is a fine line... As a teacher i have NO tolerance for it..... Ahhh i still remember my high school bully...Ahhh.. she was a nightmare...nataleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16999272522761149608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-40223393892350074462010-08-03T08:03:23.226-04:002010-08-03T08:03:23.226-04:00It's so scary the world that our kids live in ...It's so scary the world that our kids live in today. I mean, we had mean kids and what not, but it's just so different now. And they are sooo grown up these days and have access to so much more. It just terrifies me. And you I'm sure, I can't believe we're going to be sending the oldest ones off to kindergarten this year! <br /><br />It does begin at home. So many parents these days are just downright, ok I'll say it, A$$HOLES. No wonder these kids are screwed up. Our elementary school has a no touching policy. NO TOUCHING of any sort period. I think it's kind of extreme, but hey, they say it's working for them. <br /><br />Great topic. Miss you,<br />AMa What's 4 dinnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15858828882933298085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-50490818167445331202010-08-03T06:09:10.864-04:002010-08-03T06:09:10.864-04:00Interesting what you have to say from a teacher...Interesting what you have to say from a teacher's perspective on this, Shell. So far we have been pretty lucky with no bullying. Our kids' school has an active anti-bullying strategy where older children/classes mentor and care for the younger children. There is also a great lunctime disciplinary programme that all the kids know about and try to avoid. Communication with the school is great, and very open.<br /><br />But as you say, it starts at home. Quite often i found in my youth work days, that the worst, meanest kids had mean parents who would often hardly bother with them - until someone said a word against their kid and then they would get up in your face and tell you where to go. their kid could do no wrong. Scary. it was a whole different world.<br /><br />For me, I try to jump on meanness in my kids whenever it raises its head. verbal or physical I just won't tolerate unkindness. It turns my stomach. I think I would be more devastated to find out that my kid was a bully than if they flunked a subject. Honest.Simoneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09554122579485306611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-49423062441101371032010-08-03T04:23:53.278-04:002010-08-03T04:23:53.278-04:00This is something I'm becoming increasingly co...This is something I'm becoming increasingly concerned about. My son had been on the receiving end of some in preschool! Geez...but you bet I spoke up. It's true the verbal kind is so much harder to deal with. I think you are absolutely right...not invasion of privacy, it's called parenting and it's our job. Whether our children are on the receiving end or doling it out, we need to know so we can deal with it effectively. It's not pleasant, but it's our job.mdforkidshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14468887103710530554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-53524178310508993802010-08-03T02:03:56.396-04:002010-08-03T02:03:56.396-04:00Wow, this topic is so important. My son isn't...Wow, this topic is so important. My son isn't really bullied at school, but he does not have friends. Kids reject him, and that hurts, too.<br /><br />The part of this I loved the most is the part about monitoring our kid's social media. I don't see any reason for a kid younger than high school age to have any sort of social media account, but when they do, it is absolutely the parent's job to monitor it. Be friends with your kids on facebook, follow them on twitter, check their cell phones for text messages both sent and received, and check their internet history. Google their names even. It is our job as a parent to protect our children and if needs be, to protect other kids from their immature actions. <br /><br />Kids can have privacy when they are 18, live under their own roof, and pay for that cell phone and computer themselves.<br /><br />You are absolutely right. It's not invasion of privacy, it IS parenting.Bethanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14888242466359929076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-1302676233280146772010-08-03T01:33:02.469-04:002010-08-03T01:33:02.469-04:00I absolutely agree with you! I think parents want...I absolutely agree with you! I think parents want to just send their kids to school and let the school deal with the issues..they expect the school to fix everything. It has to start at home with the parents. I havent experience bullying directly yet with my kids but my bff has with hers and the parent of the bully didnt really seem to care and so it continued. Its awful, its not a kids will be kids issue...its a treat others as you want to be treated issueshortmamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18083148312260283511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-65731119023366998252010-08-02T23:30:27.111-04:002010-08-02T23:30:27.111-04:00Great post! This comes at a good time for me! My 1...Great post! This comes at a good time for me! My 1 year old child isn't going to school yet, but she does have play dates with older and younger children. I tell other mothers of older children she flips out because she doesn't like to be hit. And when she hits others, I tell her it is bad. Parents need to be more involved with letting their kids know how to treat others. I think as the generations go by, we are losing respect with each one.Crinthia Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11935356783652508099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-61375075675499075682010-08-02T22:12:19.192-04:002010-08-02T22:12:19.192-04:00Children learn how to treat others at home. Perio...Children learn how to treat others at home. Period. If childhood bullying isn't corrected, they grow up to be mean adolescents and mean teens and mean adults.<br /><br />Great post Shell.adrienzgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00189335015566616247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-50221595542654056522010-08-02T21:43:33.311-04:002010-08-02T21:43:33.311-04:00Great topic and post! I agree 100% that it has to ...Great topic and post! I agree 100% that it has to start with the parents at home! School is a reflection of what children learn at home. Unfortunatley, many parents see it the other way around, and leave it up the teachers to raise their kids. And as far as the whole 'invasion of privacy' thing...No way will my kids have any kind of connection with others without me monitoring it. I don't care how old they are. I think that's parenting! Great post, Shell!Adriennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065409375913634202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-10008850007135625462010-08-02T21:01:36.875-04:002010-08-02T21:01:36.875-04:00This problem has been around since the Dawn of Man...This problem has been around since the Dawn of Man and it is getting worse. There are lots of factors that go into making a kid a bully and we all agree that its up to the parents to make certain that their child is not a bully. Sadly, as is true of many things, the ones causing the problem never seem to understand that the whole issue is just flat wrong for anyone and so they never see the need to change their own or their kid's behavior. An adult bully is a blot on humanity!<br /><br />Parents and teachers have been trying to decades to come up with the right approach or action to stop bullying in its tracks. As far as I can tell, nothing has worked.<br /><br />It is heartbreaking when your child is the one being bullied and you can't make it go away.<br /><br />Children can be so cruel unintentionally. When they do it on purpose, it is horrible.<br /><br />The worst of it is that we still are having the problem and I'm afraid we always will.<br /><br />It's not possible of course, but it makes me want to drop-kick such a kid (and/or his/her parents) over the side of a mountain with a looong way down.Mellodeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07515414035373189099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-60546103943177610332010-08-02T20:50:04.672-04:002010-08-02T20:50:04.672-04:00I'm so glad this post addressed the difficulti...I'm so glad this post addressed the difficulties the teachers and administrators face. It's a sad reality that often parents expect the school to take care of these things. It starts and ends at home. It's a daunting thing when so often grown-ups are still bullying each other.Joey Lynn Rescinitihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06219074986338894660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-52281113028205763082010-08-02T20:41:29.204-04:002010-08-02T20:41:29.204-04:00As you read on my blog, we just faced our 1st majo...As you read on my blog, we just faced our 1st major bullying situation at the tail end of 5th grade. I contacted all of the parents and let them know what was going on. Some appreciated the call. Most rolled their eyes and basicaally felt that these kids are old enough to work out the conflict themselves. <br /><br />When my daughter started receiving nasty texts from ppl, especially ones who she didn't give her # to, we shut the cell phone off. When the e-mail blasting started I replied to the emails and told them this was over, and I didn't allow my daughter to look at e-mails for weeks, until I was sure they were done. For now.<br /><br />The rate of teen suicide is much too high for us to take chances on these kids resolving their own issues, especially when their parents have not started teaching them conflict resolution at an early age, as you said.<br /><br />Good post Shell!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-24154709728743510742010-08-02T20:35:02.261-04:002010-08-02T20:35:02.261-04:00I was bullied as a child so I will do anything to ...I was bullied as a child so I will do anything to protect my child from it. And on the flip side, I told her that if I ever found out she was bullying another child she would be punished without mercy!kelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03040730267411361863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-92160346689710863082010-08-02T20:32:43.776-04:002010-08-02T20:32:43.776-04:00You are right. There is no easy solution to this ...You are right. There is no easy solution to this problem. Mostly because there are so many different types of bullies. As a teacher and a mother, it really bothers me that schools say they have a no tolerance policy on bullies, yet they don't enforce it. Nothing will ever improve if everyone turns a blind eye.Kelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13939129224685018944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-66752662726375485432010-08-02T20:22:40.635-04:002010-08-02T20:22:40.635-04:00Parents need to take a more active role in their c...Parents need to take a more active role in their children's lives instead of not wanting to be the bad guy. You are the parent, not their friend. <br />Shell, you are 100% right, middle school girls are HORRIBLE! I have a 7th grader and some of the things that go on in the class are crazy.Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05403337940939197310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-48799631277656971902010-08-02T20:10:54.976-04:002010-08-02T20:10:54.976-04:00I don't have an easy answer. I think that so m...I don't have an easy answer. I think that so much begins at home and can be blamed by whatever may be going on at home....I was bullied when I was in 2nd grade (girl stole my lunch probably 2-3x/week) adn then verbally bullied in junior high. Teachers did nothing, my mom tried, to no avail...it was hellish. I've already started talking about it w/ my kids and we got the Berenstein Bears book on Bullies. I hope they will never suffer like I did or cause someone else pain....<br /><br />Great post, shell!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13214914707096410664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-85965620626842224272010-08-02T19:15:23.956-04:002010-08-02T19:15:23.956-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Sylvia Plathypushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09570915595620408602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-68300069211930888912010-08-02T19:15:20.313-04:002010-08-02T19:15:20.313-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Sylvia Plathypushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09570915595620408602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-85217052319097909922010-08-02T19:15:16.061-04:002010-08-02T19:15:16.061-04:00I am about sick to death of freaking bullies! We ...I am about sick to death of freaking bullies! We have at least one kid with a bully problem every single year. When my older daughter was in 4th grade, she had a bully who tormented her behind the scenes, and she felt she didn't know who to talk to about it. I noticed at home that she was withdrawn, and was acting very strange about the oddest things, like people touching her shoulders, or sneaking up behind her even inadvertently. But she would not tell me what was going on. Then, about 1/4 of the way into the year, I got a call from the school, who wouldn't say anything to me except, "You need to come up here to the school right now. It's an emergency." I was flipping the hell out!! Turns out, she felt so cornered and so completely without options that she decided to take a pocketknife to school....to threaten them with. She said she wasn't going to use it, just show it to them and try to intimidate her way out of that corner. Luckily, she showed it to a friend on the bus first, and the kid went to the office and narced her out as soon as the bus let them off. The principal told me that if she had so much as opened up the blade, even if she never brandished it in any way, she would have been in police custody and at a juvenile detention center BEFORE THEY WOULD BE ALLOWED TO CALL ME!! I about came unglued. The mother of that little fucker, who I found out later was making suggestive and really perverted innuendo to my daughter, said the classic line -- They just need to learn to be nice to each other. She even had the nerve to suggest that it was only a schoolyard crush and that he just didn't know how to let her know how he felt!! She was lucky to walk away from that conversation with her hair and all of her teeth. I tore her ass up one side and down the other!!! In fact, the principal even jumped in and told us both that she wasn't even concerned with the fact that a pocketknife was in my daughter's possession -- she was only worried about WHY. Because [The Teenager] is always so well-behaved and upbeat and empathetic to others, she knew right away that the knife would NEVER have entered the equation unless she was being tormented to the point that she thought there was no other way out. Had it been a teacher who didn't know Madison that was told about the knife, or the person who was principal the year before that one, I would have been in a whole different situation with her...and that scares the crap out of me! With all the varied experiences I've had dealing with this bully crap, I've found the only effective way to go about dealing with the heart of the issue is to take it to the parents. And not in a "Oh, let's sit down and disuss this like there's no problem in the first place" kind of way, either. Like you said, children who bully tend to have bullies for parents, and those kind of people only understand/respond to a force not to be reckoned with. It took me a couple of years to come to that realization, but once I did, it helped me tremendously. I don't try to fight all the battles for these girls. I know they do have to learn to handle situations for themselves. But when someone is bullying you, there is no rational way of dealing with it from a child's standpoint. They aren't allowed to retaliate, they don't get the kind of help they need from the school if the bully is being sneaky enough...it's a lose-lose for them. That is where I come in as a parent and make those people understand that my child won't be made a target. And one thing a bully definitely understands is strength, which I am more than happy to show. I may not have had it when the girls started school, but I damn sure have it now.<br /><br />And HUGE KUDOS to That One Mom, who posted before me!!Sylvia Plathypushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09570915595620408602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-18191623324546326032010-08-02T19:00:24.901-04:002010-08-02T19:00:24.901-04:00It's a fine line. You can either nip it in the...It's a fine line. You can either nip it in the bud, but is that allowing your children to learn to deal with problems themselves or hindering them? Or you can let them fight it out? The hard part is trying to figure out when it's gone "too far" since we (as adults) don't see everything that's happening. <br /><br />Wanted to let you know I gave you an award :)<br />http://mothershideaway.com/blog/2010/08/02/what-makes-a-woman/.htmlFarah Jasminehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14823826620361448907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3027534132693377698.post-76847360502533409742010-08-02T18:07:09.202-04:002010-08-02T18:07:09.202-04:00I'm convinced that big mean people make little...I'm convinced that big mean people make little mean people. I have gone straight to the parents of the bullies and had it out with them.<br /><br />Most of the neighborhood kids play at my house, when the mean kids weren't allowed to play here anymore, they got kinda lonely. Their behavior turned around pretty quickly.<br /><br />The best was when the mom I talked to came over and asked why I wouldn't let their kid play at my house and I said, "Because you have a mean child. I have spoken to you and to your child about how poorly she treats the other kids. You clearly don't have any desire to instill kindness and honesty into her, therfore, I made the choice to not allow her to play her any longer."KristinFiluthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08393804049131406666noreply@blogger.com